(Untitled)

[moraldyslexic]

It had been a few days (two, something said in his head, only two) and Lennox hadn't done much of anything since he'd first gone to see Eddie, then Mike. Feeling useless and numb, he'd returned to his yurt and gone back to bed, face buried in the pillow Chris had left behind, the one that still smelled like him. With the exception of letting the

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[ooh_lily]

For once, Emmy was consenting to be held. She'd be quiet and withdrawn for the last couple of days, since Eddie and Lily had sat her down and tried to explain to her that Uncle Chris had gone home. As far as Emmy was concerned, she'd been born on the island, come into being a person on the island, and this place called Long Bay might as well have never existed.

So Emmy consented to be carried, and her Mum was happy to carry her as they walked into the kitchen.

"Oof," said Lily, making a real effort to sound cheerful, even though her eyes were a little bit red from crying in private with Eddie, when the kids couldn't hear her. "She's getting really heavy, isn't she, Uncle Lennox?"

[moraldyslexic]

If there was one person on this whole damn island Lennox could brighten up for, it was Emmy. Everyone else would understand if he wanted to spend the next three weeks in bed, but Emmy was different and Lennox wasn't about to start disappointing her.

"She's getting pretty big," he agreed, lifting his head and offering a small, weak smile. "Soon she'll be eight feet tall and none of us will know what to do anymore."

[ooh_lily]

"Yeah, but it's going to be useful to have a giant curler on the rink, eh?" said Lily. Using both arms to steady Emmy, she walked behind Lennox and bent to kiss the top of his head. She watched Emmy gently stroked the top of his head, the way she sometimes would with Mathieu.

"How're you doing, kiddo?"

She had to ask. She had to. He was her oldest friend.
Him and Chris Cutter.

[moraldyslexic]

"Not good, Lil," Lennox answered honestly, staring down at his cereal intently, because he knew if he looked up at Emmy right now he wasn't going to be able to keep any kind of control over himself. He could feel her little hands against his hair and that was almost enough to completely undo him.

"Really not good," he said. "How 'bout you?"

[little_moons]

Mack runs out ahead of me, all blond curls and giggles, barreling straight for Lennox and attaching herself like a little leech to his leg. Not far behind, I give him a faintly apologetic smile, taking in the hollowness around his eyes, how fuckin' pale he looks when usually he's so goddamn cheerful.

"Take it easy, kid," I murmur to Mack, glancing at Lennox's bowl of cereal as I move over to the counter. "Hey, man, you want some coffee?"

[moraldyslexic]

"Hey, Mack," Lennox murmured softly, letting his hand drop to the top of her head for a moment. Even with the little girl there, he felt dull and numb, like nothing was really getting through into where he was hiding.

"Yeah," he answered a moment later, his response delayed. "Yeah, sure, thanks."

[little_moons]

"How you take it?" I ask quietly, looking over my shoulder at him, asking maybe just to keep him talking. I could just as easily bring the fuckin' cream and sugar bowl to him.

Mack stares up at him with big eyes, confused, then looks to me like I've got all the answers. Fix it. Sorry, kid. Can't exactly do that.

[moraldyslexic]

Lennox said nothing for a moment, gaze shifting from Mack to where his dogs were eating. They both knew something was wrong, Hal more than King, but he couldn't very well explain what had happened to them.

"Uh, black," he said then, blinking over at Neil. "Thanks, man."

[new_ophelia]

Kate had been warned. Geoffrey must have told Jack who told Kate, saving her from finding out from a passing stranger. She'd promptly laid down to cry for a long hour, glad to have Sam's attention to force her into activity. This was too close to home and more than anything, she couldn't imagine how Jim was feeling.

She's able to be up around now, still not well enough to go home, but enough to walk Sam all over the compound when he's been fussy. She stills as she sees a familiar head in the kitchen and walks in, glad that Sam is having a quiet moment.

"Hi," she says softly, shifting Sam to her shoulder.

[moraldyslexic]

Lennox knew he was supposed to be excited about the new baby, he knew that he should say something right, but the words dried up as he looked at Kate, unable to even force a smile.

"Hi," he said finally, looking at the baby in her arms. "Congratulations. I heard. I would've come."

But Chris disappeared. He and Chris would have gone together, but Chris wasn't there to go anywhere anymore.

[new_ophelia]

"Don't even think about it," Kate murmurs, bending over to kiss the top of Jim's head. She settles next to him, taking in the fact that he clearly hasn't eaten or slept properly in days. She can't blame him. Not in the least.

"Is this the first time you've eaten?"

[moraldyslexic]

"I think so," Lennox answered, looking down at his cereal before he looked at her baby again. If he could just concentrate on the baby, everything might be okay. At least for a little while.

"I haven't really left the hut," he admitted. "I think Eddie brought some food by when I was sleeping yesterday, but I didn't eat any of it. I'm just... not hungry."

[m_pinocchio]

He hasn't seen Lennox in a couple days, and that's entirely what he's been expecting. He remembers the first awful days after Eostre went, the dead feeling, having to be made to eat and shower, having to be made to do almost everything except lying in bed and staring blankly at the ceiling.

In its earliest stages, grief is two things: exhausted and numb.

So he's honestly surprised to see Lennox sitting at the table. He hadn't expected to see him for another few days at least. If ever. Part of him is sure that it won't be long before Lennox follows Chris.

"Hey," he says gently, taking a seat across from Lennox, and then nothing else. Lennox can say as little or as much as he wants to.

[moraldyslexic]

"Hi," Lennox answered in a rough voice, unable to even look up at Mike at first. His chest felt tight and uncomfortable, like his skin was suddenly three sizes too small and he reached up to rub his throat unconsciously.

"The dogs needed some food," he said finally, by way of explanation, because he really was up at the Compound more for them than for himself. "I thought I should eat, too. Shower or something."

[m_pinocchio]

"You should," he agrees, eyes searching Lennox's face as unobtrusively as he can. Gaging. "It's good that you're doing it on your own. Hobbes had to make me do everything."

He looks down at the bowl of cereal. "When did you last eat?"

He remembers how much he'd hated these kinds of questions, but now he's grateful for them. They'd reminded him that he was connected to the world, that there were people who cared for him.

[moraldyslexic]

Slowly, Lennox's shoulders lift in a shrug. "The night before he went home, I guess. Eddie brought some stuff by, I think. I woke up to a whole bunch of fruit yesterday and I tried to eat some of it, but... well, you know."

He couldn't stomach it. Even now his body was rebelling against the cereal, making him want to push the bowl away and forget about this whole attempt at being normal. Shit wasn't normal anymore, it was really, seriously abnormal and Lennox was just tired. But he forced himself to take another spoonful, making himself finish the bowl.

[this_is_pam]

They were happening all over the place, it seemed like. Pam hadn't been especially close to any of the people who'd recently disappeared, but she had met Chris a few times and, more importantly, she knew Lennox. That he'd been keeping to himself for a while wasn't surprising; she'd have expected something like that from anyone. It was still oddly unsettling, though, to see the way he looked when she turned to see him after fixing herself a mug of tea. In the comparatively short time she'd known him, he had seemed to be perpetually cheerful. She couldn't really even imagine what he was going through now, what her Jim, too, must have went through when she'd disappeared.

"Hey," she murmured, resting a hand on his shoulder as she came to sit at the table beside him, offering a sympathetic, sad little smile. "How are you doing?" She didn't see much reason to explain that she'd heard. Going over it again probably wouldn't help him any.

[moraldyslexic]

"Shitty," Lennox answered honestly, because while he wasn't used to feeling this bad, he also wasn't a liar, no matter what the topic. Most of the time, anyway, and he rarely lied about feelings; his own or others'.

Swirling his spoon around the bowl, he frowned a little, then made himself look over at Pam, trying to mirror the smile. "Really, really shitty, but I needed something to eat, you know?"

[this_is_pam]

Pam nodded, frowning a little now herself, then on a whim, slid her chair closer to his so she could put her arm completely around his shoulders. No matter how short a time she'd been there, Lennox had come to mean a lot to her. It was hard, knowing how close they'd been before, but he was one of the first people to make her feel remotely at ease here. It seemed only right that she try to do whatever she could for him.

"Let me know if there's anything I can do, okay?" she asked quietly, head tilted so she could meet his gaze. "I mean, I know there's nothing that could really make it better, but..." But she wanted to help, in any way possible. He didn't deserve this; no one put in that position did. It just wasn't fair.

[moraldyslexic]

When Pam's arm slid around his shoulders, Lennox closed his eyes and let himself do what he hadn't done yet. Resting his head against her shoulder, he sighed softly and nodded, rubbing his eyes with the back of his hand.

"I know," he said, because he'd offered the same thing when others had lost people they loved. They all knew they couldn't fix it, but they had to offer anyway, they had to do something and he knew she meant it. "I will. Right now I just... I just wanna sit here for a second, okay?"