(( RANDOM FUCKING ESSAY ))
Doing that post linking all my old essays made me want to write another one. T^T Also, Tomo's getting like . . . slammed with a lot of the same stuff within the past few days, points of view that irritate her and make her depressed and uncomfortable, and sometimes it can get difficult to play. NOT because of any fault on the other player's part--believe me that OOCly I've loved these threads and they're fun and important. It's just that it takes a huge step away from what's dealt with in my canon which is--you know, a comedic 4-koma with no plot or development or emo--and into personal choices that I have to make and god you know me I'm so indecisive and I worry a lot whenever I have to make my own choices. :D
So here's some random rambling on my part which is mostly for my own reference but might also be entertaining to YOU THE STUDIO AUDIENCE as I try to work out why certain stuff is happening with Tomo's relationships. Win!
Tomo and hope and optimism.
See, Tomo's general philosophy is not to give up because everything will work out in the end and you can accomplish anything if you try. Which . . . makes her sound awesomely shounenly retarded, which is exactly my problem with playing it out. XD BECAUSE SHE'S NOT, GOD. Tomo's no Naruto or Negi. She's not all about "omg do your best and your pure heart will triumph!" at ALL. She's not that nice of a person. But the fact remains that this is her philosophy in life. I take a lot of Tomo's optimistic and confident, never-say-die characterization (as well as her defiant nature) from these strips in which Yomi and Tomo tell Kagura about Tomo's attitude towards the future, and how she managed to get into a prestigious high school:
Kagura: What I wanna say is, you're a big fat idiot and I can't believe you got accepted!
Tomo: Hey! Don't mince words or anything, you moron! Anyway, the same goes right back at YOU! You too!
Kagura: Yeah, though it pains me to say it, you and I are cut from the same cloth!
Tomo: In other words, perhaps we'll . . . both squeak by on our entrance exams, too.
Kagura: Oh. Hey, yeah . . .
Yomi: Are you hearing yourselves? Tomo was an average student right up through 8th grade. When she hit 9th grade, though, she suddenly started cracking the books.
Tomo: Yeah. When Yomi told me she'd been accepted here . . . I was all, "Well, I'm gonna get in, too!" Then she said . . . "What, you?! Forget it!" And other stuff like that.
Kagura: Man, that'd be enough to tick anyone off! What a wench!
Tomo: But I showed her! I buckled down and studied like crazy!
Kagura: Whoa . . .
Tomo: I tell you, I'll never forget Yomi's face when she realized I'd gotten in. It was priceless! Her glasses slid right off her face!
Yomi: They did not.
Tomo: And so! When push comes to shove, I will get the job done! Well, go ahead! Shower me in words of praise!
( . . . )
Kagura: Why do you put so much energy into pissing people off?
Tomo: Wh . . . what?!
So yeah basically. XD "We're gonna be just fine even though we're idiots, and buckling down and working hard when it's crunch time will always work." And the fact is, this is never disproven in the series; Tomo doesn't get into one of the universities she applies to, but she gets into the others (as do Kagura and Osaka, the other bonkuras), and Yomi is the one who ends up being the last to get accepted to college.
SO WHAT DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING. . . . Tomo really hates when people give up on themselves. Because it doesn't fit in with her worldview, which is that "when push comes to shove, I will get the job done." Hearing Simon be all "Well we're going to be captured by the Alliance and tortured and killed and there's nothing I can do lol gonna die before I'm 30" is really infuriating to her because--coming from an emo-free canon, there's no room in Tomo's mind for thoughts of people being resigned to their own deaths. Or even death (especially violent or at a young age) at all, really; the idea of it fucks with her head because she's from Azumanga fucking Daioh. XD There's no SPACE in her head for a person who's given up on life because in Tomo's world hard work pays off (even if it's boring and she avoids it) and people can get the job done against the bad guys. But only if they work for it. So when Robert gets all "Well since I've lost twice I'm going to fail no matter what and get eaten and die sry Tomo" she's like "RAR HOW CAN ANYONE NOT HAVE MY CONFIDENCE YOU CAN DO IT DAMMIT YOU RETARD." ♥
Speaking of which.
Tomo and empathy.
Long story short: she has none. Tomo has a vast inability to understand the worldviews of others. This is at the root of a lot of what she does. When she asks camp how to make Robert happy and certain people respond with some variation of "let him be alone when he wants and don't try to force him," Tomo completely disregards that because she doesn't understand it. She doesn't understand it because it's not how she is. Tomo, in the same situation as Robert, would not want in any way to be left alone; she would want someone to forcibly cheer her up by distracting her and being a retard with her. And she has no understanding that it doesn't work that way for everyone. Anyone who claims they want to be alone is either lying, confused, or just doesn't yet know the pleasures of Tomo's company. >D
This extends to the "don't give up on yourself just yet" thing--it's why Tomo gets so angry at it. She has her worldview, and people are very STUPIDLY not buying into it. Stupidly because it's RIGHT. Of course it's right, because it's TOMO'S and Tomo is ALWAYS RIGHT. The fact that this "I'm resigned to my fate" philosophy also dooms Tomo to losing some of her close friends, and forces her to confront things like death and loss, that just fuels the fire. She gets angry, stressed, and emo all at once and eventually one of them wins out and she lashes angrily (as with Simon), completely but briefly breaks down (as with Norma), or ends up at a complete blank loss as to how to deal with it and seeks some kind of temporary mutual comfort (as with Ed and Robert). Like I said, she's not equipped for death or emo, she's not equipped for people giving up on things, and she's not equipped for people handling things in ways different from how she thinks they'd best be handled, so all of this fuuuuucks with her. :D
She's had no fewer than three such conversations in as many days and it's beginning to confuse the hell out of her how anyone can go on living if they're genuinely not happy inside. Unlike with Norma, Tomo's happiness is not and has never been a facade. She doesn't fake the genki, care-free, clueless, insensitive personality; it's how she IS, down to the core. And she's drawn to people who DON'T share these traits, she absolutely loves them and latches onto them, but that doesn't mean she understands them. They exist, clearly, but how can anyone not WANT to do anything they can to be happy?
And speaking of which--FINALLY.
Tomo and other people's happiness.
Tomo's not a great person. She messes with other people's minds on purpose. She teases and frightens and yells and occasionally injures. She ruins small things for other people or insults them with no obvious sense of guilt.
But--in the end, she also wants them to be happy. She doesn't want anyone to be genuinely upset, especially not permanently. She flails desperately when Kagura cries, she's incredibly guilty when Yukari freaks out about her students not caring about her, she tries (and faaails ahaha) to spare Yomi's feelings when Yomi's stressed and emo about not getting into university, she backs off of Chiyo-chan whenever she senses that she's gone way too far. I don't think there's much doubt that Tomo, while she likes to see her friends yelling, flailing, or uncomfortable, doesn't like to see them actually wounded by something she or anyone else does to them.
More than just wanting people to be happy, Tomo wants to be the one to make them happy. It's important to her that she do so, because Tomo likes to feel wanted and likes attention and love. If SHE can cheer someone up then it means she accomplished something! She's good at something and important and someone noticed her and someone likes her omg! She's better than anyone else who tried and FAILED, take that!
I take Tomo mostly from the manga, because I've only seen half of the anime, but there's one scene that ONLY happens in the anime which I always kinda glance at when this comes up. There's a scene during one of Chiyo-chan's birthday parties in which everyone's giving her their presents. Tomo is the first to give hers, and--I forget exactly what it is but it's a toy of some sort, and Chiyo-chan pretty obviously doesn't like it and basically insults it and goes on opening gifts. XD
Tomo disappears for the rest of the present-opening scene, which is unusual for her. Finally once everything's been opened, it goes back to show her sort of leaning in a corner away from the group, looking very uncomfortable and muttering to herself. The dialogue there is something like "So. No one liked my present. It didn't bring any joy to the group. Well--fine! That's fine!" After which she loudly changes the subject and then begins quietly lashing out at Chiyo-chan by insulting her favorite baseball team, I think. XD
Really . . . when Tomo heard from Robert that he never really smiled and was never really happy (which she interprets literally as NEVER), she's trying not to show it, but she's incredibly wounded. She's been assuming all this time that stuff like the bodyswitch and other stuff they've done was making him happy, because she personally thinks it's all been incredibly fun and awesome and hilarious. To hear that suddenly puts her back at square one--okay so that was some of my best stuff and none of it was working after all I totally thought it was what the hell do I do now--and she won't ever say it, beyond suddenly lashing out with THIS ISN'T EASY FOR ME (and then completely brushing it off), but the idea of that makes her despair a little, because she failed at something she was really trying to do. D: She failed at being cool and funny and useful and the usual tricks aren't working caaaaaamp I need help!
. . . Of course since Tomo 1. knows she can get the job done and 2. knows everyone wants to be happy REALLY and she knows all the best methods and 3. doesn't accept any philosophy that states otherwise . . . she's not going to give up on it and will continue to try and remedy this in retarded and inappropriate ways that involve being annoying and yelling and misguided attempts at bonding. XD
She'll also get over the MASSIVE EMO DUMP of the past few days quickly, because, you know. Tomo.
So here's some random rambling on my part which is mostly for my own reference but might also be entertaining to YOU THE STUDIO AUDIENCE as I try to work out why certain stuff is happening with Tomo's relationships. Win!
Tomo and hope and optimism.
See, Tomo's general philosophy is not to give up because everything will work out in the end and you can accomplish anything if you try. Which . . . makes her sound awesomely shounenly retarded, which is exactly my problem with playing it out. XD BECAUSE SHE'S NOT, GOD. Tomo's no Naruto or Negi. She's not all about "omg do your best and your pure heart will triumph!" at ALL. She's not that nice of a person. But the fact remains that this is her philosophy in life. I take a lot of Tomo's optimistic and confident, never-say-die characterization (as well as her defiant nature) from these strips in which Yomi and Tomo tell Kagura about Tomo's attitude towards the future, and how she managed to get into a prestigious high school:
Kagura: What I wanna say is, you're a big fat idiot and I can't believe you got accepted!
Tomo: Hey! Don't mince words or anything, you moron! Anyway, the same goes right back at YOU! You too!
Kagura: Yeah, though it pains me to say it, you and I are cut from the same cloth!
Tomo: In other words, perhaps we'll . . . both squeak by on our entrance exams, too.
Kagura: Oh. Hey, yeah . . .
Yomi: Are you hearing yourselves? Tomo was an average student right up through 8th grade. When she hit 9th grade, though, she suddenly started cracking the books.
Tomo: Yeah. When Yomi told me she'd been accepted here . . . I was all, "Well, I'm gonna get in, too!" Then she said . . . "What, you?! Forget it!" And other stuff like that.
Kagura: Man, that'd be enough to tick anyone off! What a wench!
Tomo: But I showed her! I buckled down and studied like crazy!
Kagura: Whoa . . .
Tomo: I tell you, I'll never forget Yomi's face when she realized I'd gotten in. It was priceless! Her glasses slid right off her face!
Yomi: They did not.
Tomo: And so! When push comes to shove, I will get the job done! Well, go ahead! Shower me in words of praise!
( . . . )
Kagura: Why do you put so much energy into pissing people off?
Tomo: Wh . . . what?!
So yeah basically. XD "We're gonna be just fine even though we're idiots, and buckling down and working hard when it's crunch time will always work." And the fact is, this is never disproven in the series; Tomo doesn't get into one of the universities she applies to, but she gets into the others (as do Kagura and Osaka, the other bonkuras), and Yomi is the one who ends up being the last to get accepted to college.
SO WHAT DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING. . . . Tomo really hates when people give up on themselves. Because it doesn't fit in with her worldview, which is that "when push comes to shove, I will get the job done." Hearing Simon be all "Well we're going to be captured by the Alliance and tortured and killed and there's nothing I can do lol gonna die before I'm 30" is really infuriating to her because--coming from an emo-free canon, there's no room in Tomo's mind for thoughts of people being resigned to their own deaths. Or even death (especially violent or at a young age) at all, really; the idea of it fucks with her head because she's from Azumanga fucking Daioh. XD There's no SPACE in her head for a person who's given up on life because in Tomo's world hard work pays off (even if it's boring and she avoids it) and people can get the job done against the bad guys. But only if they work for it. So when Robert gets all "Well since I've lost twice I'm going to fail no matter what and get eaten and die sry Tomo" she's like "RAR HOW CAN ANYONE NOT HAVE MY CONFIDENCE YOU CAN DO IT DAMMIT YOU RETARD." ♥
Speaking of which.
Tomo and empathy.
Long story short: she has none. Tomo has a vast inability to understand the worldviews of others. This is at the root of a lot of what she does. When she asks camp how to make Robert happy and certain people respond with some variation of "let him be alone when he wants and don't try to force him," Tomo completely disregards that because she doesn't understand it. She doesn't understand it because it's not how she is. Tomo, in the same situation as Robert, would not want in any way to be left alone; she would want someone to forcibly cheer her up by distracting her and being a retard with her. And she has no understanding that it doesn't work that way for everyone. Anyone who claims they want to be alone is either lying, confused, or just doesn't yet know the pleasures of Tomo's company. >D
This extends to the "don't give up on yourself just yet" thing--it's why Tomo gets so angry at it. She has her worldview, and people are very STUPIDLY not buying into it. Stupidly because it's RIGHT. Of course it's right, because it's TOMO'S and Tomo is ALWAYS RIGHT. The fact that this "I'm resigned to my fate" philosophy also dooms Tomo to losing some of her close friends, and forces her to confront things like death and loss, that just fuels the fire. She gets angry, stressed, and emo all at once and eventually one of them wins out and she lashes angrily (as with Simon), completely but briefly breaks down (as with Norma), or ends up at a complete blank loss as to how to deal with it and seeks some kind of temporary mutual comfort (as with Ed and Robert). Like I said, she's not equipped for death or emo, she's not equipped for people giving up on things, and she's not equipped for people handling things in ways different from how she thinks they'd best be handled, so all of this fuuuuucks with her. :D
She's had no fewer than three such conversations in as many days and it's beginning to confuse the hell out of her how anyone can go on living if they're genuinely not happy inside. Unlike with Norma, Tomo's happiness is not and has never been a facade. She doesn't fake the genki, care-free, clueless, insensitive personality; it's how she IS, down to the core. And she's drawn to people who DON'T share these traits, she absolutely loves them and latches onto them, but that doesn't mean she understands them. They exist, clearly, but how can anyone not WANT to do anything they can to be happy?
And speaking of which--FINALLY.
Tomo and other people's happiness.
Tomo's not a great person. She messes with other people's minds on purpose. She teases and frightens and yells and occasionally injures. She ruins small things for other people or insults them with no obvious sense of guilt.
But--in the end, she also wants them to be happy. She doesn't want anyone to be genuinely upset, especially not permanently. She flails desperately when Kagura cries, she's incredibly guilty when Yukari freaks out about her students not caring about her, she tries (and faaails ahaha) to spare Yomi's feelings when Yomi's stressed and emo about not getting into university, she backs off of Chiyo-chan whenever she senses that she's gone way too far. I don't think there's much doubt that Tomo, while she likes to see her friends yelling, flailing, or uncomfortable, doesn't like to see them actually wounded by something she or anyone else does to them.
More than just wanting people to be happy, Tomo wants to be the one to make them happy. It's important to her that she do so, because Tomo likes to feel wanted and likes attention and love. If SHE can cheer someone up then it means she accomplished something! She's good at something and important and someone noticed her and someone likes her omg! She's better than anyone else who tried and FAILED, take that!
I take Tomo mostly from the manga, because I've only seen half of the anime, but there's one scene that ONLY happens in the anime which I always kinda glance at when this comes up. There's a scene during one of Chiyo-chan's birthday parties in which everyone's giving her their presents. Tomo is the first to give hers, and--I forget exactly what it is but it's a toy of some sort, and Chiyo-chan pretty obviously doesn't like it and basically insults it and goes on opening gifts. XD
Tomo disappears for the rest of the present-opening scene, which is unusual for her. Finally once everything's been opened, it goes back to show her sort of leaning in a corner away from the group, looking very uncomfortable and muttering to herself. The dialogue there is something like "So. No one liked my present. It didn't bring any joy to the group. Well--fine! That's fine!" After which she loudly changes the subject and then begins quietly lashing out at Chiyo-chan by insulting her favorite baseball team, I think. XD
Really . . . when Tomo heard from Robert that he never really smiled and was never really happy (which she interprets literally as NEVER), she's trying not to show it, but she's incredibly wounded. She's been assuming all this time that stuff like the bodyswitch and other stuff they've done was making him happy, because she personally thinks it's all been incredibly fun and awesome and hilarious. To hear that suddenly puts her back at square one--okay so that was some of my best stuff and none of it was working after all I totally thought it was what the hell do I do now--and she won't ever say it, beyond suddenly lashing out with THIS ISN'T EASY FOR ME (and then completely brushing it off), but the idea of that makes her despair a little, because she failed at something she was really trying to do. D: She failed at being cool and funny and useful and the usual tricks aren't working caaaaaamp I need help!
. . . Of course since Tomo 1. knows she can get the job done and 2. knows everyone wants to be happy REALLY and she knows all the best methods and 3. doesn't accept any philosophy that states otherwise . . . she's not going to give up on it and will continue to try and remedy this in retarded and inappropriate ways that involve being annoying and yelling and misguided attempts at bonding. XD
She'll also get over the MASSIVE EMO DUMP of the past few days quickly, because, you know. Tomo.