out of time
I have no idea why I’m posting on a Saturday night. I don’t know that anyone will be around to read it, and besides, who wants to read episode reviews on a Saturday night? ::wipes brow:: These become harder and harder to pull together, as the episodes are spun ever thicker. But I have fun trying. As ever, no spoilers beyond the episode.
There’s a hole in the world. Goes right through, and comes out the other side. Sometimes it’s all that comes out the other side. Holes. Things hollow. Shells.
Spike figures there's a bloke somewhere around New Zealand standing on a bridge like the one he and Angel are on, looking back down at them. Maybe there is - but here’s the thing - he’s looking back at them from the middle of the next day. Looking back across time as well as space, even though the two of them are stood staring into that hole in the world at exactly the same moment. Time. It’s such a huge theme these two episodes, so much so that I wonder if we’re done with it. I wouldn’t be surprised to see it back.
There’s a reason the entrance to the Deeper Well is in England. It’s the beginning of time, the line zero. A hole in the world starting at the Beginning of Time. What can you do about that?
Two episodes spent fighting time. A Hole in the World is all about trying to stop time; Shells about going back. You can’t do either. Time is inevitable. Make an enemy of time and you’ve lost the battle before you’ve begun.
What does a sarcophagus represent? Time, stopped. "I'm a mummy, aren't I?" says Fred. Time, stopped. "If we can't stop this thing, maybe we could just, you know, freeze it." Time, stopped. If you could stop time, but as the tests Knox run prove, you can’t.
You can’t fight time. Can’t stop it, and can’t go back. Gunn tells Wes he "couldn’t go back," and he’s right.
"Time isn’t on our side," says Wes. Spike knows what that means. "Nobody’s on our side."
But it isn’t time that kills Fred. It’s space. The space between where the demon lies and where it belongs. That’s the space that counts, you see. That’s the space that Angel has to choose over Fred, because that space encompasses so much of humanity.
It’s the difference between cavemen and astronauts. The difference between where we began and where we are now. Between where it belongs and where it lies. We start out as shells. Angel and Spike know that all too well. But it’s the space between that defines what we are, the space that encompasses so much of humanity.
But to hop sideways, for a minute. I have in the back of my head, somewhere, a list of things I think I learnt from my childhood, things that all the cynicism in the world won't let me let go, and they go something like this:
Do not be afraid to love.
Do not be afraid to love what lets you down.
Do not be afraid to love what turns out not to be what you expected it to be.
Do not be afraid to love what you do not deserve.
Love when you can, while you can, as you can.
They aren’t the rules for healthy relationships, exactly. It depends on the people involved, I think, on the way a person understands love. But there is something there about what it means to be human, something that underscores these two episodes so heavily I couldn’t but bring them into it. Back to that one later.
I mentioned before that the lines Eve sings to Lorne are from the song written by David Greenwalt and sung by Lindsey in Dead End. And the significance of the lyrics, particularly in their foretelling of the events of last season, seems immense. But even those two little lines are imbued with all kinds of significance.
"Pretty as a picture, she’s like a golden ring." One ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them. That’s our Fred, isn’t it? There in the darkness of their doubt, their despair, their uncertainty, she is what holds them together. And oh, this isn’t the first time one ring has to be thrown into the void to save the world.
Of course Angel has to sacrifice Fred to save the world. Because he sacrificed the world to save Connor. Sacrificed the world as it was, and he can’t get that world back. It was consumed by the fires of resurrection. Everything it was is gone forever.
There’s a hole in the world. The world is hollow. A shell. "Everything’s so bright and hollow. The cavemen win. Of course the cavemen win."
A hollow world with a hole in history covered up with a mindwipe. Time, distorted. A world all out of time.
Can you fight time? Do the cavemen always win? Because there’s a strange anomaly here, and I think it matters. Time is such a tricky concept. It’s linear, and yet it exists only where it is, as it is. There isn’t a past and a future to draw a line between. The events of the past that determine the future don’t exist beyond their happening, so where is their power? Is history made as it happens? Or before it happens? Or after it happens?
"It was all set in motion millions of years ago. There’s just no way to stop it."
"What he’s fighting against is older than the concept of time. I couldn’t stop it."
Can’t stop it just because it is old? Is that why the cavemen win?
But it’s more than that, isn’t it? This isn’t just about getting in first, about getting in at the beginning of time. This is something beyond time, before time. Out of time.
Can you fight what’s out of time? What’s before time?
"I’ve loved you since I’ve known you. Maybe even before."
It’s our old friend Destiny. The sarcophagus is pre-destined to turn up, so nobody could have stopped it. And yet Gunn knows that he made a choice that made all the difference. Wes was destined to love Fred. It’s "his curse". Is loving Fred his destiny, something determined at the beginning of time? Or does he love Fred because he believes she is his destiny? Does it make a difference? We’ll come back to that.
Control of time seems like everything, sometimes, but there are greater masters to surrender control to than Time. And if you choose wisely, or maybe not wisely but sincerely, you stand to gain what transcends control and what transcends time. Surrender control at the point of value, and recognise value even where you least expect it.
"It’s out of phase with our timestream." Illyria’s world is out of time. But then, so is Illyria.
Who controls time? The Powers that Be? Angel and that mindwipe? The Senior Partners at Wolfram and Hart?
"They’re big on things happening on their timetable."
But there are ways of outplaying time, as long as you play time's game.
"Not this girl, not this day." It matters, you see. The name, the time.
Because time can be used up. And that’s such a strong theme here. Illyria breaks, at the end, because her time is up. Her world is gone. Wesley says of the stone he takes from the sarcophagus, "It might be useful, if it isn’t already drained." Angel talks about Cordelia being "used up."
There’s a limit on time. You can run out of time. The thing about time it there’s never enough of it, never enough to say everything you want, or achieve everything you meant to. But you can make what you do transcend the time you do it in, if you do it right. Spike knows that. And he knows that even an immortal has a value placed on his life if he chooses to acknowledge it; that a vampire living on borrowed time can make a difference.
"The least I can do is give what’s left of mine."
He says, "It’s what she would have wanted," and the "she" isn’t just about Fred. Isn’t much about Fred at all, I think. There’s another she, another girl who gave her life so the world could go on. And not just the night she died, but every single day she lived. I talked about this before, after Damage. Being a hero isn’t just about one good day. It’s about making the most of all the time that you have.
"But I want you to know I did save you. Not when it counted, of course, but after that. Every night after that. I'd see it all again, do something different. Faster or more clever, you know? Dozens of times, lots of different ways. Every night I save you."
I’m repeating myself, but, It isn’t about totalling up enough good deeds. It isn’t about one good day; it’s about every night. This isn’t a future, it’s a present. It’s not about reward; it’s about opportunity. It’s about taking the chance to save somebody, when it counts.
And Spike lives that not just for Buffy, not just for Fred, but for him. Because he understands. A bad poet can be a good man.
Love when you can, while you can, as you can
There’s a hole in the world. From beneath you, it devours. I’ve said it before, but there’s an ‘it’ beneath every ‘you’. I sense of who you are, of the people who believe in you, is what keeps ‘it’ at bay.
What’s in a name?
Angel would tell you there’s a lot in a name. "I'll say it anyway. Winifred Burkle. Go."
Names matter, up to a point. Angel tells Wes, "I need a name, a history, anything." And Spike tortures the doctor to get, "screams, various fluids, and a name."
Illyria gets the power of names. "You would presume to speak my name." And later, "This is important to you. Things have names."
Important, but how important? Illyria calls Wesley by his name, calls him by his name with Fred’s mouth and that matters. But we’ll come back to those two in a while.
"When is a door not a door? When it's not soddin' well there." I talked so much about doors after Why We Fight that I won’t go over it all again, although there’s lots upon lots here. But I’ll tell you when a door is not a door. When it’s a hole.
Holes let things in, let things out. Works both ways, and that will be ever more significant, I think. Already Illyria is beginning to understand that.
Just to pick up a theme of a few weeks’ back. Here’s a nice penetration metaphor for you. "I lost Cordelia because some thing violated her, crawled inside, used her up." We aren’t just talking about the demon here. There’s a Connor not quite forgiven here, I think.
But I’ve done this half to death already, so I won’t take it any further right now. Back to time, for the time being. We’ve talked about Spike, but what of the others?
Oh, Gunn. He offers first his life and then his mind to save Fred, but it’s to no avail. Because he missed his opportunity to do the right thing when it counted, and nothing he can do will make up for that. Is that the way it works? Not exactly.
Right now the others can barely give him the time of day, and still he is there prepared to offer up all he has for the people he loves. That counts. He’ll get his opportunity. Second chances happen. He’s surrounded by people who could tell him that.
Lorne got it wrong when it counted too, and he, too, feels like he’s carrying the burden of a price he just can’t pay. But he’ll do his part when it counts.
And Harmony, shallow, hollow Harmony, finds a capacity to love and to care that may yet fill a hole in the world.
Do not be afraid to love what you do not deserve.
Angel, my Angel. I’m so proud of you, do you know that? So proud I have to write a whole different post on you and my boy Spike, I think, so much you’ve borne, so much you’ve grown. But you aren’t getting everything right. You need to look beyond your own reflection in the Pool of Truth, my sweet.
"Wes and Fred?"
"You didn’t know?"
"I didn’t know."
Oh, Angel.
And now we get to the part that makes me shiver with sheer delight.
Oh, Wes. He seems to be very much EvilWillow!Wes here, Fred’s death turning him homicidal maniac, pushing him "beyond reason." But, oh no, our Wes has long been balancing on the knife edge of really fucked up. I talked a lot about it before, here.
Oh, that final scene with Wes and Illyria. superplin makes exactly this point, and makes it much better, here, but the same thing struck me, watching - Illyria is strangely reminiscent of the Buffybot here, and Wes wonderfully disturbing, and yet, profoundly moving, in his reaction to her. And yes, there is a definite sense of Wes wanting her to "just be Fred".
"The physical form of the conduit is determined by the viewer." It’s easy enough to see what you want to see, easy enough to believe that what you see is the truth.
"She was such a little girl that one did not expect to see such a look on her small face...She felt as if she had lived a long, long time." A Little Princess
But it’s the look on her face that matters, isn’t it? Illyria knows that.
"Because I look like her."
"Yes."
(AD, you absolutely killed me with the way you said that "yes". The tiny beat before it stopped my heart, I think.)
And she has lived a long time, this little Princess, come back to a kingdom long dead.
"I’ve loved you since I’ve known you. Maybe even before."
Wes, Wes, Wes, what are you doing? Maybe even before? And oh, what is it you want? Fred herself? Or an idea of Fred, however that might present itself?
Here’s a scene from Rain of Fire (see? The song lyrics from Dead End):
WESLEY: You think you know me?
LILAH: Better than she ever will.
Wesley kisses her passionately, and they go over to the couch. Wes pulls up Lilah's skirt and sits down on the couch with her on his lap, facing him. She unbuttons her shirt, revealing her red bra. She starts to take off her glasses, but Wes stops her.
WESLEY: Leave them on.
Oh, Wes.
I have soundingsea to thank for making the lovely, poignant connection between Wes attempting to behead Illyria here, and Wes having to do the same to Lilah last season. And I’m pulling this out of my own post-Lineage thoughts, because it seems relevant: It’s exactly what happened with Lilah. He allowed himself to love her, and he had to destroy her. It’s exactly what he fears happening with Fred.
Of course Wes will help Illyria. I talked about this lots after Lineage, but he has this overriding need to save. And there’s always been this battle in him, because he longs to find something good, something pure, something beautiful to save, something that will lift him beyond himself. But (and I think I owe this point mostly to ascian3, in that thread) how can he save what is better than him? He needs something less than him, something more broken than him, something that needs saving.
And suddenly, here is the answer. Because here is something broken, something more damaged than he is. But this thing is in the body of his perfect Fred, his Aslauga. It is beneath him and beyond him all at once. Of course Wes will fight to save Illyria.
Opinions are polarised about the song montage that follows. But in my mind the episode ends here, with this exquisite piece of theatre, two actors in a scene stripped bare of everything but heart and soul. The last scene I remember this silent, this intense is the bathroom scene in Seeing Red. It’s so very quiet, so measured, so heartbreakingly beautiful.
And then, this:
"There’s love. There’s hope, for some. There’s hope that you’ll find something worthy. That your life will lead you to some joy. That after everything you can still be surprised."
Do not be afraid to love what turns out not to be what you expected it to be.
Shells. A demon in the corpse of a man. A soul in the heart of a vampire. And what we do, what we care for, what dares to believe in us is what makes us whole.
"You seek to save what’s rotted through."
That’s the point, you see. There’s a world rotted through, a hole right through the centre, but as long as there is someone who will go on fighting for it, it is a world worth saving. And Fred’s soul was not consumed with the fires of resurrection. It is here, burning in the hearts of champions so lost, so broken, who know nothing except that as long as they can still be surprised they will go on fighting even when they’ve lost sight of what they’re fighting for.
Do not be afraid to love what lets you down.
"Yes ... Because that’s what people do. That’s what makes us..."
That’s what makes us human. Makes us whole. Makes us other than dead.
There’s a hole in the world. Goes right through, and comes out the other side. And if they get through it, they will come out the other side, and they might just come out whole.
On one condition.
My boys, my dear, dear boys. Do not be afraid to love.
::passes round hankies::
On a lighter note:
- My OTP! A whole scene! Harmony/Wes 4eva, baby.
- Spike was incredibly pretty this episode. Old, but pretty. That faraway look in his eyes as he gave his speech to Angel at the end was beautiful, mesmerising. However, nobody in this country has used "I fancied" in that sense since about 1840.
- The Angel/Spike synchronised sword fight was the coolest/most phallic thing ever. I’ll come back to Angel and Spike another day, but that scene they had in the office together towards the end had me there going, "just hug already!" This makes me deeply embarrassed because:
- Somewhere in between "We have really good jets" and "Were you even listening?" I fell off my chair laughing.
- I am now craving a rewatch of last season Wes like you would not believe. I’m hankering for some Wes/Lilah and I’d adore to see that whole Faith arc again.
Well, that’s all for now. I’m still very tempted to play with these episodes in the context of my Puppet History of Angel, and I must do Angel and Spike. So to speak. ;)
And who knows, I may yet get round to non-fandom posts! It happens occasionally.
::happy sigh:: I adore the Verdi requiem bit at the end here.
I must go read everyone else's thoughts and catch up on comments. :) I'm so sorry to be all behind.
ETA: I fixed my tags, at last. All apologies for confusion.
There’s a hole in the world. Goes right through, and comes out the other side. Sometimes it’s all that comes out the other side. Holes. Things hollow. Shells.
Spike figures there's a bloke somewhere around New Zealand standing on a bridge like the one he and Angel are on, looking back down at them. Maybe there is - but here’s the thing - he’s looking back at them from the middle of the next day. Looking back across time as well as space, even though the two of them are stood staring into that hole in the world at exactly the same moment. Time. It’s such a huge theme these two episodes, so much so that I wonder if we’re done with it. I wouldn’t be surprised to see it back.
There’s a reason the entrance to the Deeper Well is in England. It’s the beginning of time, the line zero. A hole in the world starting at the Beginning of Time. What can you do about that?
Two episodes spent fighting time. A Hole in the World is all about trying to stop time; Shells about going back. You can’t do either. Time is inevitable. Make an enemy of time and you’ve lost the battle before you’ve begun.
What does a sarcophagus represent? Time, stopped. "I'm a mummy, aren't I?" says Fred. Time, stopped. "If we can't stop this thing, maybe we could just, you know, freeze it." Time, stopped. If you could stop time, but as the tests Knox run prove, you can’t.
You can’t fight time. Can’t stop it, and can’t go back. Gunn tells Wes he "couldn’t go back," and he’s right.
"Time isn’t on our side," says Wes. Spike knows what that means. "Nobody’s on our side."
But it isn’t time that kills Fred. It’s space. The space between where the demon lies and where it belongs. That’s the space that counts, you see. That’s the space that Angel has to choose over Fred, because that space encompasses so much of humanity.
It’s the difference between cavemen and astronauts. The difference between where we began and where we are now. Between where it belongs and where it lies. We start out as shells. Angel and Spike know that all too well. But it’s the space between that defines what we are, the space that encompasses so much of humanity.
But to hop sideways, for a minute. I have in the back of my head, somewhere, a list of things I think I learnt from my childhood, things that all the cynicism in the world won't let me let go, and they go something like this:
Do not be afraid to love.
Do not be afraid to love what lets you down.
Do not be afraid to love what turns out not to be what you expected it to be.
Do not be afraid to love what you do not deserve.
Love when you can, while you can, as you can.
They aren’t the rules for healthy relationships, exactly. It depends on the people involved, I think, on the way a person understands love. But there is something there about what it means to be human, something that underscores these two episodes so heavily I couldn’t but bring them into it. Back to that one later.
I mentioned before that the lines Eve sings to Lorne are from the song written by David Greenwalt and sung by Lindsey in Dead End. And the significance of the lyrics, particularly in their foretelling of the events of last season, seems immense. But even those two little lines are imbued with all kinds of significance.
"Pretty as a picture, she’s like a golden ring." One ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them. That’s our Fred, isn’t it? There in the darkness of their doubt, their despair, their uncertainty, she is what holds them together. And oh, this isn’t the first time one ring has to be thrown into the void to save the world.
Of course Angel has to sacrifice Fred to save the world. Because he sacrificed the world to save Connor. Sacrificed the world as it was, and he can’t get that world back. It was consumed by the fires of resurrection. Everything it was is gone forever.
There’s a hole in the world. The world is hollow. A shell. "Everything’s so bright and hollow. The cavemen win. Of course the cavemen win."
A hollow world with a hole in history covered up with a mindwipe. Time, distorted. A world all out of time.
Can you fight time? Do the cavemen always win? Because there’s a strange anomaly here, and I think it matters. Time is such a tricky concept. It’s linear, and yet it exists only where it is, as it is. There isn’t a past and a future to draw a line between. The events of the past that determine the future don’t exist beyond their happening, so where is their power? Is history made as it happens? Or before it happens? Or after it happens?
"It was all set in motion millions of years ago. There’s just no way to stop it."
"What he’s fighting against is older than the concept of time. I couldn’t stop it."
Can’t stop it just because it is old? Is that why the cavemen win?
But it’s more than that, isn’t it? This isn’t just about getting in first, about getting in at the beginning of time. This is something beyond time, before time. Out of time.
Can you fight what’s out of time? What’s before time?
"I’ve loved you since I’ve known you. Maybe even before."
It’s our old friend Destiny. The sarcophagus is pre-destined to turn up, so nobody could have stopped it. And yet Gunn knows that he made a choice that made all the difference. Wes was destined to love Fred. It’s "his curse". Is loving Fred his destiny, something determined at the beginning of time? Or does he love Fred because he believes she is his destiny? Does it make a difference? We’ll come back to that.
Control of time seems like everything, sometimes, but there are greater masters to surrender control to than Time. And if you choose wisely, or maybe not wisely but sincerely, you stand to gain what transcends control and what transcends time. Surrender control at the point of value, and recognise value even where you least expect it.
"It’s out of phase with our timestream." Illyria’s world is out of time. But then, so is Illyria.
Who controls time? The Powers that Be? Angel and that mindwipe? The Senior Partners at Wolfram and Hart?
"They’re big on things happening on their timetable."
But there are ways of outplaying time, as long as you play time's game.
"Not this girl, not this day." It matters, you see. The name, the time.
Because time can be used up. And that’s such a strong theme here. Illyria breaks, at the end, because her time is up. Her world is gone. Wesley says of the stone he takes from the sarcophagus, "It might be useful, if it isn’t already drained." Angel talks about Cordelia being "used up."
There’s a limit on time. You can run out of time. The thing about time it there’s never enough of it, never enough to say everything you want, or achieve everything you meant to. But you can make what you do transcend the time you do it in, if you do it right. Spike knows that. And he knows that even an immortal has a value placed on his life if he chooses to acknowledge it; that a vampire living on borrowed time can make a difference.
"The least I can do is give what’s left of mine."
He says, "It’s what she would have wanted," and the "she" isn’t just about Fred. Isn’t much about Fred at all, I think. There’s another she, another girl who gave her life so the world could go on. And not just the night she died, but every single day she lived. I talked about this before, after Damage. Being a hero isn’t just about one good day. It’s about making the most of all the time that you have.
"But I want you to know I did save you. Not when it counted, of course, but after that. Every night after that. I'd see it all again, do something different. Faster or more clever, you know? Dozens of times, lots of different ways. Every night I save you."
I’m repeating myself, but, It isn’t about totalling up enough good deeds. It isn’t about one good day; it’s about every night. This isn’t a future, it’s a present. It’s not about reward; it’s about opportunity. It’s about taking the chance to save somebody, when it counts.
And Spike lives that not just for Buffy, not just for Fred, but for him. Because he understands. A bad poet can be a good man.
Love when you can, while you can, as you can
There’s a hole in the world. From beneath you, it devours. I’ve said it before, but there’s an ‘it’ beneath every ‘you’. I sense of who you are, of the people who believe in you, is what keeps ‘it’ at bay.
What’s in a name?
Angel would tell you there’s a lot in a name. "I'll say it anyway. Winifred Burkle. Go."
Names matter, up to a point. Angel tells Wes, "I need a name, a history, anything." And Spike tortures the doctor to get, "screams, various fluids, and a name."
Illyria gets the power of names. "You would presume to speak my name." And later, "This is important to you. Things have names."
Important, but how important? Illyria calls Wesley by his name, calls him by his name with Fred’s mouth and that matters. But we’ll come back to those two in a while.
"When is a door not a door? When it's not soddin' well there." I talked so much about doors after Why We Fight that I won’t go over it all again, although there’s lots upon lots here. But I’ll tell you when a door is not a door. When it’s a hole.
Holes let things in, let things out. Works both ways, and that will be ever more significant, I think. Already Illyria is beginning to understand that.
Just to pick up a theme of a few weeks’ back. Here’s a nice penetration metaphor for you. "I lost Cordelia because some thing violated her, crawled inside, used her up." We aren’t just talking about the demon here. There’s a Connor not quite forgiven here, I think.
But I’ve done this half to death already, so I won’t take it any further right now. Back to time, for the time being. We’ve talked about Spike, but what of the others?
Oh, Gunn. He offers first his life and then his mind to save Fred, but it’s to no avail. Because he missed his opportunity to do the right thing when it counted, and nothing he can do will make up for that. Is that the way it works? Not exactly.
Right now the others can barely give him the time of day, and still he is there prepared to offer up all he has for the people he loves. That counts. He’ll get his opportunity. Second chances happen. He’s surrounded by people who could tell him that.
Lorne got it wrong when it counted too, and he, too, feels like he’s carrying the burden of a price he just can’t pay. But he’ll do his part when it counts.
And Harmony, shallow, hollow Harmony, finds a capacity to love and to care that may yet fill a hole in the world.
Do not be afraid to love what you do not deserve.
Angel, my Angel. I’m so proud of you, do you know that? So proud I have to write a whole different post on you and my boy Spike, I think, so much you’ve borne, so much you’ve grown. But you aren’t getting everything right. You need to look beyond your own reflection in the Pool of Truth, my sweet.
"Wes and Fred?"
"You didn’t know?"
"I didn’t know."
Oh, Angel.
And now we get to the part that makes me shiver with sheer delight.
Oh, Wes. He seems to be very much EvilWillow!Wes here, Fred’s death turning him homicidal maniac, pushing him "beyond reason." But, oh no, our Wes has long been balancing on the knife edge of really fucked up. I talked a lot about it before, here.
Oh, that final scene with Wes and Illyria. superplin makes exactly this point, and makes it much better, here, but the same thing struck me, watching - Illyria is strangely reminiscent of the Buffybot here, and Wes wonderfully disturbing, and yet, profoundly moving, in his reaction to her. And yes, there is a definite sense of Wes wanting her to "just be Fred".
"The physical form of the conduit is determined by the viewer." It’s easy enough to see what you want to see, easy enough to believe that what you see is the truth.
"She was such a little girl that one did not expect to see such a look on her small face...She felt as if she had lived a long, long time." A Little Princess
But it’s the look on her face that matters, isn’t it? Illyria knows that.
"Because I look like her."
"Yes."
(AD, you absolutely killed me with the way you said that "yes". The tiny beat before it stopped my heart, I think.)
And she has lived a long time, this little Princess, come back to a kingdom long dead.
"I’ve loved you since I’ve known you. Maybe even before."
Wes, Wes, Wes, what are you doing? Maybe even before? And oh, what is it you want? Fred herself? Or an idea of Fred, however that might present itself?
Here’s a scene from Rain of Fire (see? The song lyrics from Dead End):
WESLEY: You think you know me?
LILAH: Better than she ever will.
Wesley kisses her passionately, and they go over to the couch. Wes pulls up Lilah's skirt and sits down on the couch with her on his lap, facing him. She unbuttons her shirt, revealing her red bra. She starts to take off her glasses, but Wes stops her.
WESLEY: Leave them on.
Oh, Wes.
I have soundingsea to thank for making the lovely, poignant connection between Wes attempting to behead Illyria here, and Wes having to do the same to Lilah last season. And I’m pulling this out of my own post-Lineage thoughts, because it seems relevant: It’s exactly what happened with Lilah. He allowed himself to love her, and he had to destroy her. It’s exactly what he fears happening with Fred.
Of course Wes will help Illyria. I talked about this lots after Lineage, but he has this overriding need to save. And there’s always been this battle in him, because he longs to find something good, something pure, something beautiful to save, something that will lift him beyond himself. But (and I think I owe this point mostly to ascian3, in that thread) how can he save what is better than him? He needs something less than him, something more broken than him, something that needs saving.
And suddenly, here is the answer. Because here is something broken, something more damaged than he is. But this thing is in the body of his perfect Fred, his Aslauga. It is beneath him and beyond him all at once. Of course Wes will fight to save Illyria.
Opinions are polarised about the song montage that follows. But in my mind the episode ends here, with this exquisite piece of theatre, two actors in a scene stripped bare of everything but heart and soul. The last scene I remember this silent, this intense is the bathroom scene in Seeing Red. It’s so very quiet, so measured, so heartbreakingly beautiful.
And then, this:
"There’s love. There’s hope, for some. There’s hope that you’ll find something worthy. That your life will lead you to some joy. That after everything you can still be surprised."
Do not be afraid to love what turns out not to be what you expected it to be.
Shells. A demon in the corpse of a man. A soul in the heart of a vampire. And what we do, what we care for, what dares to believe in us is what makes us whole.
"You seek to save what’s rotted through."
That’s the point, you see. There’s a world rotted through, a hole right through the centre, but as long as there is someone who will go on fighting for it, it is a world worth saving. And Fred’s soul was not consumed with the fires of resurrection. It is here, burning in the hearts of champions so lost, so broken, who know nothing except that as long as they can still be surprised they will go on fighting even when they’ve lost sight of what they’re fighting for.
Do not be afraid to love what lets you down.
"Yes ... Because that’s what people do. That’s what makes us..."
That’s what makes us human. Makes us whole. Makes us other than dead.
There’s a hole in the world. Goes right through, and comes out the other side. And if they get through it, they will come out the other side, and they might just come out whole.
On one condition.
My boys, my dear, dear boys. Do not be afraid to love.
::passes round hankies::
On a lighter note:
- My OTP! A whole scene! Harmony/Wes 4eva, baby.
- Spike was incredibly pretty this episode. Old, but pretty. That faraway look in his eyes as he gave his speech to Angel at the end was beautiful, mesmerising. However, nobody in this country has used "I fancied" in that sense since about 1840.
- The Angel/Spike synchronised sword fight was the coolest/most phallic thing ever. I’ll come back to Angel and Spike another day, but that scene they had in the office together towards the end had me there going, "just hug already!" This makes me deeply embarrassed because:
- In any other context this would not be a legitimate use of "already" in my day-to-day vocabulary.
- Ehem. "I have a morbid fear that Spike and Angel are going to bond over the course of this season. I can’t help thinking we’re going to get a little bit of a Faith-and-Buffy dynamic here. I’m half expecting a manly hug at the end of the finale." (the_royal_anna, 27.08.03) Hee! Whoops. I sounded so scornful.
- Somewhere in between "We have really good jets" and "Were you even listening?" I fell off my chair laughing.
- I am now craving a rewatch of last season Wes like you would not believe. I’m hankering for some Wes/Lilah and I’d adore to see that whole Faith arc again.
Well, that’s all for now. I’m still very tempted to play with these episodes in the context of my Puppet History of Angel, and I must do Angel and Spike. So to speak. ;)
And who knows, I may yet get round to non-fandom posts! It happens occasionally.
::happy sigh:: I adore the Verdi requiem bit at the end here.
I must go read everyone else's thoughts and catch up on comments. :) I'm so sorry to be all behind.
ETA: I fixed my tags, at last. All apologies for confusion.