Le Cœur
Title: le cœur
Author: the_resolver
Fandom: B1A4
Chapter: 1/1 one shot
Pairing: JinChan / Shinyoung
Rating: R
Warning: swearing, implied sex,
Summary: Jinyoung is stuck between the known and the unknown.
A/N: "the heart", I found I keep accidentally writing Shinyoung.
Jinyoung looked at the sleeping boy next to him and smiled, before sitting up, he knew he had to get up soon, to present himself as a teacher. A teacher who was sleeping with a teenage boy, to defend himself Gongchan wasn’t in his class, or even his school, but it was still wrong and he could still get sacked for it. Jinyoung had showered last night but took another one, any time away from the young man in his bed the better it was for him. Jinyoung dried himself and walked back through into his room. He knew he shouldn’t be bringing a teenager back to his house but there was no way to be together at Gongchan’s house and there was no way Jinyoung was going to take the boy to a shady motel. Jinyoung smiled a little, picking out his outfit for the day, he turned when he heard a mumble and saw Gongchan sat up in bed, looking sleepy. “Come back to bed.” Gongchan mumbled, Jinyoung looked at him, and walked over giving Gongchan a soft kiss, moving to lie him back down. Jinyoung got into the bed, straddling the student and kissing him more. Gongchan’s hands rested on his ass. Jinyoung let out a groan when Gongchan squeezed his hands.
“Stop now Chanshik.” Jinyoung warned, pulling back. Gongchan whined, keeping his hands firmly where they were. “I have work.” Jinyoung said trying to sound authoritive, “And you have school” Gongchan whined a little, kissing Jinyoung again. Jinyoung leant into the kiss, this happened most mornings. Jinyoung felt as Gongchan moved him so he was on his side. Jinyoung gently kissed his lover before pulling back, their legs were intertwined and they smiled at each other. “We really can’t.” Jinyoung said softly, “You need to get ready. I’ll drop you near your school.” Jinyoung said quietly, Gongchan just looked at Jinyoung, and sighed.
“Can’t you call in sick, and stay in bed for a little longer.” Gongchan said, his hands running up Jinyoung’s thighs. Jinyoung shook his head, he had lessons to teach and Gongchan had school to attend. Gongchan tried to kiss Jinyoung again, but he moved back. “Fine.” Gongchan huffed. Jinyoung moved off Gongchan and started getting dressed again, Gongchan got up and pulled on his uniform quickly, Jinyoung sighed and pulled Gongchan to him to give him a hot kiss, before pulling away and straightening the younger’s name badge. Gongchan smiled a little and went out into the teachers kitchen. He liked the teachers apartment, he loved the kitchen, he loved spending time in there, watching the teacher cook, sometimes they’d have sex on the counter. Gongchan smiled and grabbed some of the biscuits that the elder kept, he ate them sat on the counter top, while Jinyoung cooked rice. Jinyoung served two bowls and started eating one of them.
Gongchan eyed the drinks behind Jinyoung. “You have Fanta.” He stated, looking at Jinyoung who just eyed him, questioning as to why Gongchan asked. “You can’t drink it.” Gongchan said softly, standing up and walking over to Jinyoung. “You can’t drink fizzy drinks, or eat certain foods. Your medical condition stops you being able to.” Jinyoung was just looking at the younger. Gongchan had slipped his hand under Jinyoung’s shirt and was pressing his palm flat against Jinyoung’s stomach. “You have to look after yourself.” Gongchan said quietly, giving Jinyoung a peck to the cheek. He knew what Jinyoung was like, they’d met up one day and Gongchan had wanted to eat some bread and Jinyoung had eaten with him. Jinyoung had had a reaction and his enteritis had flared, Jinyoung’s stomach tightened and was causing him pain.
Jinyoung smiled a little. “I know. It’s not for me.” He looked at Gongchan who just smiled a little, Gongchan kissed him again and grabbed a glass before opening the bottle and pouring himself half a glass, drinking it and smiling. “It’s for my sister’s daughter.” Jinyoung lied, he’d bought it for Gongchan, but he didn’t want the boy knowing how much Jinyoung cared. “Fanta is her favourite drink, like you.” He said quietly, smiling at Gongchan before continuing to eat.
Once they’d finished eating, Gongchan pulled Jinyoung for a kiss, feeling as Jinyoung lifted him up onto the counter. They kissed more until Jinyoung pulled back, “I need to take you to school.” Jinyoung said quietly. Gongchan sighed a little. “This shouldn’t happen.” Jinyoung said as Gongchan jumped down from the counter.
“That’s not fair Jinyoung.” Gongchan looked at the elder. “We met out of any school and I am 18. I can date you. We can date. We can be together.”
“I can lose my job Chanshik.” Jinyoung sighed
“Don’t call me that.” Gongchan growled. “I don’t why you could. I don’t go to your school, and we met at my part-time job. You didn’t even know I was still in school.”
“And I should have stopped when I found out.” Jinyoung looked at Gongchan. “I’m a teacher, I am supposed to look after kids not have sex with them.” Jinyoung glared at Gongchan. “we shouldn’t be doing this.”
“I’m 18. Jinyoung. If you weren’t a teacher I could be with you.” Gongchan said angrily. “Why is our love not allowed? We’re not hurting anyone.”
“Gongchan, stop it.” Jinyoung said sighing. “You know why.”
“I go to university in 3 months.” Gongchan said irritably. “Am I allowed to date you then? Can we actually go on dates? Instead of always coming to yours. I want to hold your hand, I want to kiss you while looking out over the Han river.” Jinyoung sighed he didn’t really want to have this conversation again. He didn’t need to, he heard the door click open and a voice running through the apartment.
“I swear Jinyoung you better not be sick today, if you’ve had a reaction to something you should have already called me so I can come and look after you.” It was Shinwoo. “Look Jin-“ Shinwoo stopped when he reached the kitchen and saw Jinyoung and Gongchan, he eyed the latter carefully. “He need a lift to?” Shinwoo asked, Jinyoung nodded, cursing himself for forgetting Shinwoo and he were carpooling today.
After dropping Gongchan at his school Shinwoo looked at Jinyoung, “You are aware what you are doing is wrong right?” Jinyoung looked away from Shinwoo. “You are aware you can lose your job? You’re sleeping with a kid.” Shinwoo sighed looking at Jinyoung.
“He’s 18.” Jinyoung said looking out the window. “He’s almost out of school and he’s not even in our school.”
“You know Jinyoung, I always thought we broke up because we fell out of love, but obviously I was just too old for you.”
“Dongwoo. This isn’t about us.” Jinyoung looked at Shinwoo. “If you would like to remember correctly, you dumped me.”
“Right.” Shinwoo rolled his eyes. “You know I never stopped loving you.”
“Please don’t do this now. I have moved on.”
“To a kid, Jinyoung, a kid.” Shinwoo rolled his eyes again. “I always thought you’d do better than me, with that face, and your talents.” Jinyoung glared at him. “But now I’m saying this as your friend, you need to stop sleeping with the kid.” Shinwoo said quietly. Jinyoung looked at Shinwoo.
“I try, but he’s something.” Jinyoung sighed. “I swear I didn’t want this. When I found out he was in school, I tried to run but he pulled me back.”
“He’s a kid not a drug.”
“Shinwoo, not helping.” Jinyoung sighed.
“What are you going to do about it Jinyoung?” Shinwoo said quietly. “You do know you can’t keep up seeing him in secret. Someone will find out.”
“Only 2 months Shinwoo and then we can date.” Jinyoung said quietly. “Shinwoo, I’m fine, don’t worry about it.”
“You’re being ridiculous Jinyoung.” Shinwoo sighed. “You’re going to get hurt. If he is really like this, he is probably just playing you.” Jinyoung opened the car door and got out slamming the door. Jinyoung walked into the school his head reeling from Shinwoo’s words. Jinyoung got through the day teaching and returned home, he’d avoided Shinwoo all day and even left work earlier than normal to catch a taxi to avoid having to have a lift home. Jinyoung showered and changed into lounge-wear by the time he heard a knock on the door, he opened it and in walked Shinwoo.
“You have a key you know.”
“I know. But this isn’t the time for it.” Shinwoo said quietly. “You are aware your kid has a soccer game against our school next week. What are the chances of you blowing it? Because if you are going to I can’t let you. You worked so hard to be a teacher, to get to this job if you screw it up over a kid-“
“Dongwoo, you are aware that I’m an adult, I can control my feelings in public, if you remember correctly people didn’t even know we were together unless they saw us on a date, and we’d been dating for years before most people who we didn’t tell found out.” Jinyoung said almost harshly.
“Yes Jinyoung, you are the master of faking, faking orgasms, faking affection, faking being healthy when you’re sick.” Shinwoo bitched. “But the kid. What if he screws up, scores a goal and looks at you smiling, is distracted by you looking like you. You know teenager things that normal teenagers get when around boyfriends.”
“Won’t be a problem. Dongwoo, but really you shouldn’t care about my love life. Don’t you have your own problems. I heard Sunwoo is dating Junghwan so you’re not going to get lucky there, not matter how much you try to flirt.” Jinyoung showed a sarcastic smile.
“I’m just- actually, you know what Jinyoung do it on your own. I just don’t care.” Shinwoo said, putting his key to Jinyoung’s apartment on the coffee table. “I won’t be needing this.” He said before walking out. Jinyoung sat down and closed his eyes, he hated fighting with Shinwoo. They’d known each other for close to 16 years, 8 of which they’d been dating (between the ages of 13 and 21), they knew too much about each other and they knew exactly how to hurt each other. It made fights dangerous, Jinyoung knew he should call and apologize, he knew Sunwoo was a sensitive topic for Shinwoo.
Jinyoung heard a knock on the door and got up. “I know Shinwoo we were both just scoring point- oh Chanshik.” Jinyoung tried to smile, he hadn’t arranged for Gongchan to come round and was hoping it was his best friend come back to take his key. “What are you doing here?”
“I wanted to see you.” Gongchan smiled a little, noticing the elder’s mood. “What happened? Was it that guy who drove us this morning? I don’t think he likes me.” Gongchan shrugged, taking a seat on Jinyoung’s sofa. Jinyoung looked at Gongchan and just sighed.
“He and I just had a fight.” Jinyoung sat next to Gongchan and gave the boy a soft kiss. Gongchan ran his hands through Jinyoung’s hair as they kissed deeper. Gongchan pulled back from the kiss and looked at Jinyoung.
“What about? To get you like this it must have been big?”
“Never mind, you wouldn’t understand anyway.”
“I wouldn’t understand?”
“You’re too young. I’ve known him 16 years.” Jinyoung said looking away from Gongchan. “You don’t have anyone you have that much history with.”
“Right…” Gongchan read Jinyoung’s face. “You love him.” He bit his lip.
“Loved him” Jinyoung corrected, looking away from Gongchan.
“He lived here? He has a key, he still did do until the fight…” Gongchan stood up, “I have never been offered a key.”
“You never lived here.” Jinyoung said blandly, he wasn’t going to rise to another argument.
“So he lived with you?” Jinyoung nodded, there was no point lying about this. “He lived with you and he still has the key even though you broke up!”
“It’s not like he uses it very often. I just sometimes get too sick when my enteritis flares to leave my bed, and he has to let himself in to look after me.” Jinyoung sighed looking at Gongchan, “It’s not like we’re still together. He’s just my best friend.”
“Why do you want him to look after you and not me?” Gongchan tried not to get worked up, knowing it would prove he was just a child. “Why does he matter so much to you? How do I know you’re not still having sex with him?”
Jinyoung looked at Gongchan. “Because he won’t have sex with me anymore, not since he came to believe I was faking my orgasms with him, and faking our relationship, which is when he dumped me and moved out.” Jinyoung said “But again, you’re 18, you don’t understand.”
Gongchan just stuttered a little. “But your medical condition means you can’t always…” he stopped talking when Jinyoung eyed him. “or do you fake that as a side effect to get away with it?” Jinyoung rolled his eyes and shook his head.
“No I don’t. I really sometimes just dry orgasm.” Jinyoung shrugged. “But we’re not going into my penis function right now.”
“He dumped you?” Gongchan looked at Jinyoung and knew Jinyoung was telling the truth, “He dumped you and you let him keep the key. He must be pretty special for you to do that. I guess he hates me and thinks we should be ended, so why don’t you just do it Jinyoung. Why don’t you just dump me?”
“Because I don’t want to.” Jinyoung sighed looking at Gongchan, “are you going to stop being ridiculous? He has a key because he used to live here and he looks after me when my illness gets bad because he knows what to do.” Jinyoung couldn’t be bothered with this fight. “But really if you’re just going to fight go home and calm down a little.” Gongchan stood and looked at Jinyoung trying to think of something to say. “Can you just decide because my day has been really shit Chanshik and I do not need this right now.”
“You need him right now don’t you?” Gongchan said sharply.
“I didn’t say that.” Jinyoung looked at the younger. “You’re reading too much into everything.” Gongchan picked up his bag and stormed out slamming the door. Jinyoung moved on the sofa and lay on it, he closed his eyes and tried to remain calm, normally he would eat foods he shouldn’t and let his enteritis flare up, Shinwoo always said it was Jinyoung’s way of self-harming but Jinyoung just saw it as comfort eating, he couldn’t do that today because Shinwoo really had given up with him. Jinyoung stared at the key that Shinwoo had left it still had the stupid key-ring Jinyoung had bought him when they moved in together on. Jinyoung looked up when he heard a knock on the door and he opened it to see Shinwoo. Jinyoung let him in and closed the door.
“I’m not here to apologize just so you know. I’m here to check you haven’t done anything stupid, like binge on I don’t know that 2 litre bottle of Fanta and some other food you have in this place that you aren’t allowed to eat.” Shinwoo looked at Jinyoung who looked ok and not crippled with pain. “That and your boyfriend doesn’t know how to look after you, he’s too young to know how to cope with when your illness gets bad.”
“He’s not too young, you learnt to cope with it at 18, you’d been around it since we were young.” Jinyoung said answering back.
“But I wasn’t looking after you on my own. He would be. I do it now because I’ve been doing it all these years, because you never look after yourself. He would not cope with you at the worst it gets, when you’re screaming in pain and nothing will sooth it, and all I can do is hold you still to prevent you getting more pain from moving and pressing my hand against your stomach to feel how tight your stomach is. You think he’s old enough to cope with that Jinyoung, because it’s scary when you get like that.”
“S-Shinwoo. He, he could cope. Just holding me isn’t hard.” Jinyoung knew this was a fight he would lose, but he kept going anyway.
“Caring for you is like a part time job, he doesn’t even know how often it flares, does he? Does he know any of the triggers? Other than fizzy drinks?” Jinyoung just looked at Shinwoo. “I thought not.” Shinwoo sat down on the sofa next to Jinyoung, “I won’t apologize for telling the truth. You need to hear it.” Jinyoung didn’t say anything. “He’s too young.”
“Your judgement is clouded because you still love me.” Jinyoung said, Shinwoo shrugged.
“And yours is too.” Shinwoo shrugged, “Otherwise you wouldn’t keep bringing up Sunwoo.” Jinyoung looked away from Shinwoo. “But don’t worry Jinyoung I know where we stand, 8 years is a long time.”
“I’m not doing this right now.” Jinyoung said looking away from Shinwoo. “I’m not going into our break-up. There is too much that is better left”
“Because you might feel, Jinyoung?” Shinwoo looked at Jinyoung who was just staring at him. “You don’t want to talk about our problems, because if we can resolve them that leaves you with a choice.”
“Stop it Dongwoo.” Jinyoung closed his eyes. “Just stop, you dumped me not the other way around so stop acting like the injured party.” Jinyoung glared at Shinwoo. “My boyfriend is 18, he’s legal, I’m doing nothing wrong, and about my illness he’ll learn ways to look after me, like you did.”
“Are you going to call him? I know you two must’ve fought, you look completely worn out.”
“You wear me out.” Jinyoung said quietly. “Our fights wear me out.” Jinyoung sighed, “but we did fight. About you actually.” Shinwoo looked at Jinyoung and raised his eyebrow. “he just got upset that you have a key. You’re taking it back with you right?” Shinwoo hesitated. “Please. If I need you for my health, you’re my best friend.”
“Fine. I’ll take it.” Shinwoo looked at his best friend. “Look, he’s still a kid Jinyoung, We grew up because of your condition, we had to. We couldn’t live recklessly, everything had to be done with care. I know just how much of you it affects, and I know he doesn’t because you wouldn’t tell him. It embarrasses you. He might not want to grow up Jinyoung, and you need to be dating an adult.” Jinyoung looked away from Shinwoo. “Look, I’m going to go now, don’t make yourself sick and if you really want to fix you and him, call the kid, don’t let it fall apart, like you let us - if you want to keep it. We can sort out our problems sometime in the future, but tell him some of that romantic crap you are good at.”
“You like my romantic crap.” Jinyoung smiled, Shinwoo nodded.
“I loved it, you said some of the most beautiful things to me when we were together, say anything like that and the kid will melt.” Shinwoo said as Jinyoung just looked at him. “It’s hard to admit you’re wrong but he needs you to apologize to him, he’s just a kid, he doesn’t understand that you are a bitch if everything’s not done your way.”
“You’re bitchier than me.” Jinyoung said softly, before looking at Shinwoo. “I told him about you calling me fake and now he’s a little paranoid about my dry orgasms.” Jinyoung blushed a little. “I can’t fake it you know.” Jinyoung looked at Shinwoo, “Every time it was real.” Jinyoung got up and want to the kitchen, pouring himself a glass of water.
Shinwoo got up and grabbed his key. “I’m off now. Make sure you call and if you don’t, text me and I’ll come round, just don’t eat anything you know you can’t.” Shinwoo said before leaving, Jinyoung sighed, he called Gongchan and didn’t get the answer he expected. He got Gongchan’s mom, he abruptly put down the phone and sat down on his sofa. His phone lit up, Gongchannie Jinyoung smiled a little and answered.
“Can you come back over? I, I want to sort this out Channie.” Jinyoung waited a short while for Gongchan to come over, he looked tired, Jinyoung could tell he’d been crying. Jinyoung wrapped his arms around Gongchan and pressed a soft kiss to the younger boy’s forehead. “I know I didn’t handle it well.”
“You need to answer some questions. So I can decide something.” Gongchan said moving out of Jinyoung’s arms and sitting on the sofa, Jinyoung sat next to him and nodded. “Ok. How long were you dating him?”
“8 years.” Jinyoung looked at Gongchan who looked a little disappointed. “We were 13 when we had our first date.” Gongchan nodded.
“How long did you live together?”
“From the day we left for university when we were 18, to the day he dumped me and left the apartment when we were 21.” Jinyoung said honestly. “3 years.”
“Would you let him live with you again?”
“You want honesty, because I would. He could move back in. But he won’t. We have too many issues, from when we were dating, that aren’t resolved and may never be resolved.” Jinyoung shrugged, “So he wouldn’t consider living with me as friends.”
“Is he still in love with you?”
“As far as I am aware, yes he is.” Jinyoung said softly, “But I don’t know if that’s being in love or if it’s just because we were each other’s first love, first everything, I don’t know if it’s just that he just can’t
fully let go of us because of that. But I do know he’s chasing another man now.”
“Right. And what about you?”
“He was my first love, there is something there, but it’s not anything serious, it’s not like I want him back, because I don’t.” Jinyoung watched trying to gauge Gongchan’s reaction. “If you’re feeling insecure-“
“I’m not insecure.” Gongchan said quickly. “I just wanted to know. I wasn’t going to let you use me as a weapon against him.” Gongchan looked at Jinyoung. Jinyoung shook his head. He and Shinwoo had got past the times of doing things just to hurt the other. Jinyoung sighed at waited for Gongchan to speak again. “Do you love me?” he asked softly, Jinyoung was shocked, Gongchan had never shown him a weaker side, always his flirtatious and sometimes demanding side. They’d never mentioned love, ever. Gongchan had never said he loved Jinyoung and Jinyoung had never said it the other way around.
Jinyoung was about to ask why Gongchan was interested in love, when he’d never mentioned it before, but it rung in his head that he always used love to describe how he had felt and did feel about Shinwoo. Gongchan watched him carefully. “I don’t know, Gongchan, I… I’m not going to lie to you. I don’t want to say it before I feel it. But right now I’m just… everything is messed up, my heads all over the place.”
“Ok.” Gongchan said quietly, his face unreadable, his eyes locked with Jinyoung’s as if trying to decode his eyes. Jinyoung moved his hand and rested it on Gongchan’s leg.
“D-Do you love me?” Jinyoung asked, he got no answer, which was in itself an answer. Gongchan looked blank, he wasn’t even looking at Jinyoung. “I take that’s a yes. It would be better if you said it to me you know.”
“Why? I would hate to lie to you.” Gongchan said roughly. Jinyoung sighed a little, he pressed a kiss to Gongchan’s cheek.
“Hungry? We can order take out, or I can make something.” Jinyoung tried to get a non-abrasive answer from Gongchan. Jinyoung tried not to get irritated with Gongchan, he knew he’d said the wrong thing, but he couldn’t just lie to the younger boy, but he understood that it would probably make the younger feel somewhat inferior. He loved Shinwoo but can’t say he loved Gongchan. “Ok, don’t answer. I’m going to order take out.”
“Don’t get something you can’t eat.” Gongchan said quietly. “I’ll have what you’re having.” Gongchan said quietly, “I don’t know if I’m staying tonight though. I haven’t got my uniform with me.”
“It’s the weekend.” Jinyoung answered back. Gongchan didn’t look at him. “Channie, please, look at me.” Gongchan looked at Jinyoung and kissed him hard, he didn’t exactly know why, but he kissed Jinyoung desperately, pulling him closer until Gongchan ended up on his back with Jinyoung over him. Jinyoung let out a groan into the kiss as Gongchan slipped his hand between them and cupped the elder’s crotch. Gongchan pulled back from the kiss and smiled up at the other boy.
“I changed my mind. I want pasta.” Gongchan smiled a little. “With carbonara sauce and extra ham.” Gongchan smiled innocently. “You order whatever for you, but I want that.” Gongchan said gently, kissing Jinyoung, his hand ghosting over Jinyoung’s crotch. Jinyoung nodded, grabbing his phone and ordering for them. Once he’d put the phone down the pair resumed their heated kisses. Jinyoung let Gongchan take control.
The doorbell rang and Jinyoung pulled away from his lover. He paid for the food and served it up, they ate together, quietly, but they always did, only asking random questions neither of them was overly interested in. Jinyoung had thought he’d be happier for them to just go back to normal, but it didn’t exactly feel like it did before. He knew Gongchan wasn’t as comfortable as before but he didn’t want to bring it up again. Gongchan looked up and asked. ”What does Shinwoo teach?”
“How did you know he was a teacher too?” Jinyoung asked, but Gongchan didn’t answer. “He teaches mathematics and sometimes physics.” Jinyoung said quietly, Gongchan nodded. “Why?”
“I don’t know, I thought he’d be a literature teacher like you.” Gongchan shrugged. Jinyoung just smiled a little, he didn’t really want to talk more about Shinwoo but the idea of him being a literature teacher made Jinyoung laugh. Gongchan went back to eating, before moving a little. “Jinyoung.” He said quietly. “Why do you still keep food in your apartment that you can’t eat if he moved out, around a year ago?” Jinyoung shrugged.
“It’s not from a year ago.” Jinyoung said eating a little. “Most of it was bought for when you come over, honestly. You come over a lot and I didn’t want you to have to eat to my diet.” Jinyoung smiled a little and Gongchan nodded, Jinyoung cleared their plates and soon enough found himself being dragged into his bedroom.
He woke up the next morning and saw Gongchan had already gotten up, it was unlike Gongchan to get up before him in the mornings. Jinyoung got up, grabbing a shirt and pulling it on so he wasn’t just walking around in his boxers. He smiled when he saw Gongchan sat on his couch watching TV, “Morning.” Jinyoung said, giving his lover a quick peck to the cheek. Gongchan smiled at him, moving to give him a peck on the lips.
Gongchan had been getting quieter, he was thinking more, but Jinyoung just put that down to stress as he was soon to be leaving high school. Gongchan was a little more distant than usual but everything fluctuates in a relationship so Jinyoung wasn’t exactly worried. Jinyoung smiled answering his door to Gongchan who was wearing his uniform for the last time ever. “Congratulations.” Jinyoung smiled, as he held Gongchan close to him.
Gongchan just smiled at him. “So I was thinking next week we could go out on a date.” Jinyoung started. “Maybe the zoo, I know that sounds lame but I think it could be quite fun.”
“Or we could not.” Gongchan said, looking at Jinyoung. “Because, I just can’t do this anymore.” Jinyoung looked confused. “I love you. I love you like you love him.” Him could only be Shinwoo. Gongchan sighed and just shook his head. “I can’t wait for you to love me. I need to end this before you break my heart any more. Don’t tell me you don’t love him because you do. You really fucking do. Even if you’re to blind to see it, I’m not.” Jinyoung shook his head. “No Jinyoung, I thought today was going to be the best day of our relationship so far, but I realised long ago that I was never your love. I was just some kid, some kid who knew how to work you, and you liked that I knew the right words, the right everything to get you going but not love.” Gongchan shook his head again. “That never crossed your mind.”
“Chanshik, don’t do this.” Jinyoung said.
“Do you love me?” Gongchan asked.
“If I say yes will you stay?” Jinyoung said quietly.
“Not now.” Gongchan said, “Not now. Goodbye.” Gongchan said turning and leaving, he ran and Jinyoung didn’t follow. Jinyoung was just stood dumbstruck in his own house, wondering why he didn’t fight, and why he just let Gongchan walk away. Jinyoung reacted like he always had, he drank the rest of the fizzy drink and called Shinwoo when his body started to react.
“Dongwoo. I need you.” He said quietly. “I did a bad thing.” Shinwoo arrived a few minutes later and found Jinyoung already in his bed, Jinyoung was curled up, Shinwoo got into the bed and wrapped his arms around Jinyoung, pressing his hands against Jinyoung’s stomach, which helped to balance the pressure a little.
“I’m here now.” He whispered in Jinyoung’s ear, holding him close to him. Jinyoung let out a pained cry. “I know, and I saw the bottles, you drank 2 litres of the stuff Jinyoung.” Shinwoo pressed his hand a little harder, he could feel how tight Jinyoung’s stomach was. Jinyoung cried out in pain. “Shhh, Shhh Jinnie, I’m here. We’ve been through this before, the pain is going to go.” Jinyoung nodded, his hand clutching at the bedding. “Jinyoung, calm down.” Shinwoo said firmly, kissing the back of Jinyoung’s neck. “Whatever happened it can be fixed you know, this isn’t the answer.”
“It can’t.” Jinyoung gasped in pain. “He left me.” Jinyoung cried out in pain, trying to move but Shinwoo had him held still. Jinyoung cried out again. Jinyoung twisted his body as much as he could. Shinwoo moved to straighten him out.
“You just prolong it like that.” Jinyoung shook his head. “Jinyoung, if you’re going to be like that, I’ll just sit you in your bathroom and make you throw up until it’s all out of your system.” Jinyoung shook his head, Shinwoo had made that happen a few times. “Look, why did he dump you, surely you can fix that?”
“You” Jinyoung gasped. “I still love you.” He said before bursting into tears, crying in pain. Shinwoo tightened his arms around Jinyoung.
“I know Jinyoung. I know it’s hurting, and I know you don’t know what’s hurting more your stomach or your heart, but both of them are going to get better ok?” Shinwoo said before gently kissing the back of Jinyoung’s shoulder, something that he’d always done when he was comforting the younger. Jinyoung carried on crying for a few minutes before settling down. “Is the pain fading?” Shinwoo asked rubbing Jinyoung’s stomach. Jinyoung shook his head.
“I just.” Jinyoung grimaced as he tried not to curl his body up, “It’s hurting so much but I wasn’t crying for that reason.” Jinyoung let out a pained gasp. “It hurt.” Jinyoung moved his hand to cover Shinwoo’s and force more pressure on his stomach. “When he left.”
“Finally someone who saw through your mask.” Shinwoo said quietly, kissing Jinyoung’s shoulder again. “I promise the pain is going to go soon Jinnie.” Jinyoung nodded, not asking which he was referring to. After an hour and a half, Jinyoung said his stomach wasn’t hurting so much and he was going to sleep the rest off. Shinwoo nodded and got out of bed, gently pulling the blanket over Jinyoung. “I’m going to be in the sitting room, if you need me just call. I’ll make us dinner when you wake up.” Jinyoung nodded and Shinwoo gave him a peck on the forehead.
Shinwoo walked out and went into the kitchenette and looked through the cupboards, carefully taking the things that Jinyoung wasn’t allowed to eat out of them and putting them on a shelf near the door, telling himself he’d take them with him when he left. He then lay on the sofa and watched TV for a couple of hours until Jinyoung came into the living room, saying everything was gone and he felt better. Shinwoo checked Jinyoung’s stomach by pressing his hand to it, and Jinyoung looked better, still a bit crap, but he had been dumped so Shinwoo wasn’t holding out for fabulous. “I’ll go cook for us, you wait here and don’t do anything stupid ok?” Jinyoung nodded, Shinwoo knew he wouldn’t do anything, Jinyoung wasn’t that stupid.
Shinwoo finished cooking and they ate in silence, once they’d finished Shinwoo cleared the plates and looked at Jinyoung carefully. “How are you feeling?” Jinyoung just glared at him. “That good,” he sighed. “If he meant that much why didn’t you fight for him?”
“I don’t really want to talk about it.” Jinyoung said not making eye contact with Shinwoo.
“Fine. Don’t talk about it, just keep it inside like always.” Shinwoo looked at Jinyoung. “If you talked about things maybe I wouldn’t have to spend so much time looking after you, because you wouldn’t do things like this!” Shinwoo said before sighing. “Look he’s just a kid, he’ll change his mind.”
“There is no point.” Jinyoung said blandly. “He was right, I didn’t love him.”
“Jinyoung.” Shinwoo said quietly. “You loved him.”
“No. No I didn’t. Not like I love you.” Jinyoung said before getting up and going back into his room, closing the door. Shinwoo sighed, he hated this, he rarely got a proper heart to heart because Jinyoung would run away. Shinwoo sighed and lay on the sofa, soon falling asleep on it, he couldn’t leave in case Jinyoung needed him and he didn’t want to leave in case Jinyoung decided they were going to talk about it. He woke in the morning to find Jinyoung sat on the coffee table just looking at him.
“What are you doing Jinnie?” Shinwoo mumbled. Jinyoung just smiled and shrugged. “Want to talk now?” Jinyoung nodded. “Can it wait for me to wake up a little?” Jinyoung nodded and held out a cup of coffee. Shinwoo smiled and sat up, moving to one end of the sofa, allowing Jinyoung to sit at the other. Shinwoo smiled as he drank the coffee. “You can start talking you know.”
“I’m just going to say this and then I have to go for a bit.” Jinyoung said quietly, “I have to be sure I want to try us again.” Jinyoung shifted a little. “Shinwoo, he dumped me yesterday because I don’t love him the way he loves me, I love you the way I should love him. He wasn’t willing to wait for my heart to change. I-I know you are interested in Sunwoo, but I guess what I’m meaning is that I still love you. I want to sort our issues out and I want to try again.” Shinwoo nodded. “I mean most of our issues were you accusing me of faking. I will admit that sometimes I pretended I was happier than I was in our relationship, but that was it. Nothing else was faked, nothing.” Shinwoo nodded.
“You know Sunwoo was just someone who wasn’t you. He’s attractive but he’s not you.” Shinwoo said quietly.
“I want to think about it a bit.” Jinyoung said softly, Shinwoo laughed a little, but nodded, he accepted that Jinyoung had said his feelings but was just being as he normally was and running away a little. “I’m going home for a few days. I’ll call when I get back.”
“Ok Jinnie, tell your mom I send my love.” Shinwoo said, leaning over to kiss Jinyoung’s forehead. “I’ll see you when you get back.”
Jinyoung left for a week. Shinwoo was beginning to think that he was gone for good, but it was the big holiday from school and they were off. Shinwoo knew it was best not to call Jinyoung because it would just make him worry he’d kept him waiting too long, which he had but he wasn’t going to complain too much about it. Shinwoo smiled when there was a knock on his door, knowing it was Jinyoung. Jinyoung walked in and Shinwoo looked at him. “Let’s do it.” He said. “I want to.” Shinwoo just nodded. “I love you Dongwoo.” Jinyoung said before hugging Shinwoo. Shinwoo just smiled before hugging back.
Dating Shinwoo was good, Jinyoung couldn’t complain, the other man knew him so well, just like he knew Shinwoo. Everything was easy, there was none of the accidentally irritating the other because they knew each other so perfectly, but then there was no discovering, and that had been something Jinyoung had loved about being with Gongchan being able to discover things about the younger, like how he his stomach was sensitive and he liked to be kissed there. There was none of that with Shinwoo, Jinyoung knew exactly what to do. There was no experimenting with things, they were just the same, everything was normal, usual, routine. Jinyoung liked it, but at the same time he craved something more.
Shinwoo would eat what Jinyoung ate, Gongchan never changed his eating habits to fit Jinyoung’s condition. He just wouldn’t share, which didn’t bother Jinyoung, he didn’t see why anyone else should have to eat the way he did. Jinyoung liked the way Shinwoo would hold him, that was one thing Gongchan never did, Gongchan would rest himself against Jinyoung, whereas Shinwoo allowed Jinyoung to snuggle into him when they were watching a film, or just watching TV. Sleeping together with Shinwoo was the same, Shinwoo knew to sleep barely touching Jinyoung, so if he moved in his sleep he wouldn’t wake up at the touch of another person - he hated being touched while he was sleeping. But Gongchan hadn’t cared, he’d get as close as he could without Jinyoung telling him to back up, and often Jinyoung would either wake up because they were touching or he’s wake up pressed against the younger boy. He kind of missed that.
“Shinwoo.” Jinyoung said one night, when they were in his apartment after dinner. “I was wondering if tonight we could, well” Jinyoung leaned forward and whispered in Shinwoo’s ear, “Do it here. On the sofa, and then maybe we could wash up and go to sleep, but you could be a little closer to me than usual.” Shinwoo looked at him.
“We have to be careful with your body, I’d rather you had the support of the bed, to help you, and you hate anyone sleeping near you, why would you want me to get closer?” Shinwoo said gently kissing Jinyoung’s cheek. Jinyoung sighed, he wanted to tell Shinwoo the places he’d done it with Gongchan but he knew he’d just get a lecture about looking after himself and how Gongchan was a child and didn’t know any better. Jinyoung wondered what was so ‘adult’ about being with Shinwoo, other than there being none of the bickering about tiny things like, wanting to shower first, or complaining that the other was taking up too much sofa space.
“Shinwoo.” Jinyoung said sat across from Shinwoo at a small couples café in town. “I think we should break up.” He said quietly. Shinwoo just looked at him. “because, I mean I love you, and I love being with you, but we’re missing something, that spark we had when we were younger. I mean I used to want to have sex with you almost constantly but now we have sex and it’s just there. We’re just there. Sex was a bad example. We’re not exciting or passionately in love.”
“Jinyoung, we have to grow up, you know your condition-“
“Shouldn’t be affecting my love life, Shinwoo.”
“Jinyoung, you can’t just ignore it. You have to be an adult.”
“Shinwoo, it doesn’t need to rule my life, the only thing it affects is what I can eat.” Jinyoung sighed and shook his head. “You know, I felt more adult when I was with Chanshik than with you, he didn’t spend all his time trying to accommodate me. He lived and I did, we made love in places other than places that give me full support, he ate normally instead of like me. We lived like two normal people in a relationship, you just act like a carer, and right now I just want to be a normal person.”
“You actually love him don’t you?” Shinwoo laughed and shook his head. “You love Gongchan and I will never compare to him.” Shinwoo got up, “See you at school Jinyoung.” Shinwoo said leaving the key on the table and getting up. Jinyoung just sat there trying to work out what to do now. He realised he had two choices, to find Gongchan and do something spontaneous and try to win him back, or he could carry on and hope to find another guy like Chanshik. Jinyoung got up and called the university, he knew Gongchan was studying at, he smiled as they were surprisingly eager to help an alumni, who claimed that he had a school award to give Gongchan that was going to be thrown away if he didn’t accept it.
Jinyoung stood outside the door of the dorm room, and knocked, he took a deep breath and felt his heart beat faster as the door opened and Gongchan stood there looking at him. He looked different. He’d dyed his hair blonde. It looked good. “Jinyoung.” Gongchan said surprised, “What are you doing here?”
“I needed to see you, I need to tell you something.” Jinyoung said looking at Gongchan, “I was wrong when I didn’t stop you leaving, I love you. My world stops spinning without you in it. It’s not the same, you’re the one thing I need in my life more than anything else.” Gongchan started to speak. “I don’t need him, I don’t need anyone I only need you. You’re the one I’m in love with, I know it took me a long time to figure it out but I am crap with feelings. I just, I wanted you to know that I love you. I really love you.” Jinyoung tried to read Gongchan’s face, but he couldn’t tell if he’d said enough until Gongchan stepped forward and kissed him hard, pulling Jinyoung into his dorm, trying to get more of the younger man.
They made love against the door of Gongchan’s dorm, and to Jinyoung it was perfect. They held each other trying to stay standing as they came down from their high. Jinyoung pressed his lips to Gongchan’s while his hands played in Gongchan’s now blonde hair. “So Jinyoung.” Gongchan said once he’d got his breath back.
“You know that date to the zoo, when were you thinking of?”
Author: the_resolver
Fandom: B1A4
Chapter: 1/1 one shot
Pairing: JinChan / Shinyoung
Rating: R
Warning: swearing, implied sex,
Summary: Jinyoung is stuck between the known and the unknown.
A/N: "the heart", I found I keep accidentally writing Shinyoung.
Jinyoung looked at the sleeping boy next to him and smiled, before sitting up, he knew he had to get up soon, to present himself as a teacher. A teacher who was sleeping with a teenage boy, to defend himself Gongchan wasn’t in his class, or even his school, but it was still wrong and he could still get sacked for it. Jinyoung had showered last night but took another one, any time away from the young man in his bed the better it was for him. Jinyoung dried himself and walked back through into his room. He knew he shouldn’t be bringing a teenager back to his house but there was no way to be together at Gongchan’s house and there was no way Jinyoung was going to take the boy to a shady motel. Jinyoung smiled a little, picking out his outfit for the day, he turned when he heard a mumble and saw Gongchan sat up in bed, looking sleepy. “Come back to bed.” Gongchan mumbled, Jinyoung looked at him, and walked over giving Gongchan a soft kiss, moving to lie him back down. Jinyoung got into the bed, straddling the student and kissing him more. Gongchan’s hands rested on his ass. Jinyoung let out a groan when Gongchan squeezed his hands.
“Stop now Chanshik.” Jinyoung warned, pulling back. Gongchan whined, keeping his hands firmly where they were. “I have work.” Jinyoung said trying to sound authoritive, “And you have school” Gongchan whined a little, kissing Jinyoung again. Jinyoung leant into the kiss, this happened most mornings. Jinyoung felt as Gongchan moved him so he was on his side. Jinyoung gently kissed his lover before pulling back, their legs were intertwined and they smiled at each other. “We really can’t.” Jinyoung said softly, “You need to get ready. I’ll drop you near your school.” Jinyoung said quietly, Gongchan just looked at Jinyoung, and sighed.
“Can’t you call in sick, and stay in bed for a little longer.” Gongchan said, his hands running up Jinyoung’s thighs. Jinyoung shook his head, he had lessons to teach and Gongchan had school to attend. Gongchan tried to kiss Jinyoung again, but he moved back. “Fine.” Gongchan huffed. Jinyoung moved off Gongchan and started getting dressed again, Gongchan got up and pulled on his uniform quickly, Jinyoung sighed and pulled Gongchan to him to give him a hot kiss, before pulling away and straightening the younger’s name badge. Gongchan smiled a little and went out into the teachers kitchen. He liked the teachers apartment, he loved the kitchen, he loved spending time in there, watching the teacher cook, sometimes they’d have sex on the counter. Gongchan smiled and grabbed some of the biscuits that the elder kept, he ate them sat on the counter top, while Jinyoung cooked rice. Jinyoung served two bowls and started eating one of them.
Gongchan eyed the drinks behind Jinyoung. “You have Fanta.” He stated, looking at Jinyoung who just eyed him, questioning as to why Gongchan asked. “You can’t drink it.” Gongchan said softly, standing up and walking over to Jinyoung. “You can’t drink fizzy drinks, or eat certain foods. Your medical condition stops you being able to.” Jinyoung was just looking at the younger. Gongchan had slipped his hand under Jinyoung’s shirt and was pressing his palm flat against Jinyoung’s stomach. “You have to look after yourself.” Gongchan said quietly, giving Jinyoung a peck to the cheek. He knew what Jinyoung was like, they’d met up one day and Gongchan had wanted to eat some bread and Jinyoung had eaten with him. Jinyoung had had a reaction and his enteritis had flared, Jinyoung’s stomach tightened and was causing him pain.
Jinyoung smiled a little. “I know. It’s not for me.” He looked at Gongchan who just smiled a little, Gongchan kissed him again and grabbed a glass before opening the bottle and pouring himself half a glass, drinking it and smiling. “It’s for my sister’s daughter.” Jinyoung lied, he’d bought it for Gongchan, but he didn’t want the boy knowing how much Jinyoung cared. “Fanta is her favourite drink, like you.” He said quietly, smiling at Gongchan before continuing to eat.
Once they’d finished eating, Gongchan pulled Jinyoung for a kiss, feeling as Jinyoung lifted him up onto the counter. They kissed more until Jinyoung pulled back, “I need to take you to school.” Jinyoung said quietly. Gongchan sighed a little. “This shouldn’t happen.” Jinyoung said as Gongchan jumped down from the counter.
“That’s not fair Jinyoung.” Gongchan looked at the elder. “We met out of any school and I am 18. I can date you. We can date. We can be together.”
“I can lose my job Chanshik.” Jinyoung sighed
“Don’t call me that.” Gongchan growled. “I don’t why you could. I don’t go to your school, and we met at my part-time job. You didn’t even know I was still in school.”
“And I should have stopped when I found out.” Jinyoung looked at Gongchan. “I’m a teacher, I am supposed to look after kids not have sex with them.” Jinyoung glared at Gongchan. “we shouldn’t be doing this.”
“I’m 18. Jinyoung. If you weren’t a teacher I could be with you.” Gongchan said angrily. “Why is our love not allowed? We’re not hurting anyone.”
“Gongchan, stop it.” Jinyoung said sighing. “You know why.”
“I go to university in 3 months.” Gongchan said irritably. “Am I allowed to date you then? Can we actually go on dates? Instead of always coming to yours. I want to hold your hand, I want to kiss you while looking out over the Han river.” Jinyoung sighed he didn’t really want to have this conversation again. He didn’t need to, he heard the door click open and a voice running through the apartment.
“I swear Jinyoung you better not be sick today, if you’ve had a reaction to something you should have already called me so I can come and look after you.” It was Shinwoo. “Look Jin-“ Shinwoo stopped when he reached the kitchen and saw Jinyoung and Gongchan, he eyed the latter carefully. “He need a lift to?” Shinwoo asked, Jinyoung nodded, cursing himself for forgetting Shinwoo and he were carpooling today.
After dropping Gongchan at his school Shinwoo looked at Jinyoung, “You are aware what you are doing is wrong right?” Jinyoung looked away from Shinwoo. “You are aware you can lose your job? You’re sleeping with a kid.” Shinwoo sighed looking at Jinyoung.
“He’s 18.” Jinyoung said looking out the window. “He’s almost out of school and he’s not even in our school.”
“You know Jinyoung, I always thought we broke up because we fell out of love, but obviously I was just too old for you.”
“Dongwoo. This isn’t about us.” Jinyoung looked at Shinwoo. “If you would like to remember correctly, you dumped me.”
“Right.” Shinwoo rolled his eyes. “You know I never stopped loving you.”
“Please don’t do this now. I have moved on.”
“To a kid, Jinyoung, a kid.” Shinwoo rolled his eyes again. “I always thought you’d do better than me, with that face, and your talents.” Jinyoung glared at him. “But now I’m saying this as your friend, you need to stop sleeping with the kid.” Shinwoo said quietly. Jinyoung looked at Shinwoo.
“I try, but he’s something.” Jinyoung sighed. “I swear I didn’t want this. When I found out he was in school, I tried to run but he pulled me back.”
“He’s a kid not a drug.”
“Shinwoo, not helping.” Jinyoung sighed.
“What are you going to do about it Jinyoung?” Shinwoo said quietly. “You do know you can’t keep up seeing him in secret. Someone will find out.”
“Only 2 months Shinwoo and then we can date.” Jinyoung said quietly. “Shinwoo, I’m fine, don’t worry about it.”
“You’re being ridiculous Jinyoung.” Shinwoo sighed. “You’re going to get hurt. If he is really like this, he is probably just playing you.” Jinyoung opened the car door and got out slamming the door. Jinyoung walked into the school his head reeling from Shinwoo’s words. Jinyoung got through the day teaching and returned home, he’d avoided Shinwoo all day and even left work earlier than normal to catch a taxi to avoid having to have a lift home. Jinyoung showered and changed into lounge-wear by the time he heard a knock on the door, he opened it and in walked Shinwoo.
“You have a key you know.”
“I know. But this isn’t the time for it.” Shinwoo said quietly. “You are aware your kid has a soccer game against our school next week. What are the chances of you blowing it? Because if you are going to I can’t let you. You worked so hard to be a teacher, to get to this job if you screw it up over a kid-“
“Dongwoo, you are aware that I’m an adult, I can control my feelings in public, if you remember correctly people didn’t even know we were together unless they saw us on a date, and we’d been dating for years before most people who we didn’t tell found out.” Jinyoung said almost harshly.
“Yes Jinyoung, you are the master of faking, faking orgasms, faking affection, faking being healthy when you’re sick.” Shinwoo bitched. “But the kid. What if he screws up, scores a goal and looks at you smiling, is distracted by you looking like you. You know teenager things that normal teenagers get when around boyfriends.”
“Won’t be a problem. Dongwoo, but really you shouldn’t care about my love life. Don’t you have your own problems. I heard Sunwoo is dating Junghwan so you’re not going to get lucky there, not matter how much you try to flirt.” Jinyoung showed a sarcastic smile.
“I’m just- actually, you know what Jinyoung do it on your own. I just don’t care.” Shinwoo said, putting his key to Jinyoung’s apartment on the coffee table. “I won’t be needing this.” He said before walking out. Jinyoung sat down and closed his eyes, he hated fighting with Shinwoo. They’d known each other for close to 16 years, 8 of which they’d been dating (between the ages of 13 and 21), they knew too much about each other and they knew exactly how to hurt each other. It made fights dangerous, Jinyoung knew he should call and apologize, he knew Sunwoo was a sensitive topic for Shinwoo.
Jinyoung heard a knock on the door and got up. “I know Shinwoo we were both just scoring point- oh Chanshik.” Jinyoung tried to smile, he hadn’t arranged for Gongchan to come round and was hoping it was his best friend come back to take his key. “What are you doing here?”
“I wanted to see you.” Gongchan smiled a little, noticing the elder’s mood. “What happened? Was it that guy who drove us this morning? I don’t think he likes me.” Gongchan shrugged, taking a seat on Jinyoung’s sofa. Jinyoung looked at Gongchan and just sighed.
“He and I just had a fight.” Jinyoung sat next to Gongchan and gave the boy a soft kiss. Gongchan ran his hands through Jinyoung’s hair as they kissed deeper. Gongchan pulled back from the kiss and looked at Jinyoung.
“What about? To get you like this it must have been big?”
“Never mind, you wouldn’t understand anyway.”
“I wouldn’t understand?”
“You’re too young. I’ve known him 16 years.” Jinyoung said looking away from Gongchan. “You don’t have anyone you have that much history with.”
“Right…” Gongchan read Jinyoung’s face. “You love him.” He bit his lip.
“Loved him” Jinyoung corrected, looking away from Gongchan.
“He lived here? He has a key, he still did do until the fight…” Gongchan stood up, “I have never been offered a key.”
“You never lived here.” Jinyoung said blandly, he wasn’t going to rise to another argument.
“So he lived with you?” Jinyoung nodded, there was no point lying about this. “He lived with you and he still has the key even though you broke up!”
“It’s not like he uses it very often. I just sometimes get too sick when my enteritis flares to leave my bed, and he has to let himself in to look after me.” Jinyoung sighed looking at Gongchan, “It’s not like we’re still together. He’s just my best friend.”
“Why do you want him to look after you and not me?” Gongchan tried not to get worked up, knowing it would prove he was just a child. “Why does he matter so much to you? How do I know you’re not still having sex with him?”
Jinyoung looked at Gongchan. “Because he won’t have sex with me anymore, not since he came to believe I was faking my orgasms with him, and faking our relationship, which is when he dumped me and moved out.” Jinyoung said “But again, you’re 18, you don’t understand.”
Gongchan just stuttered a little. “But your medical condition means you can’t always…” he stopped talking when Jinyoung eyed him. “or do you fake that as a side effect to get away with it?” Jinyoung rolled his eyes and shook his head.
“No I don’t. I really sometimes just dry orgasm.” Jinyoung shrugged. “But we’re not going into my penis function right now.”
“He dumped you?” Gongchan looked at Jinyoung and knew Jinyoung was telling the truth, “He dumped you and you let him keep the key. He must be pretty special for you to do that. I guess he hates me and thinks we should be ended, so why don’t you just do it Jinyoung. Why don’t you just dump me?”
“Because I don’t want to.” Jinyoung sighed looking at Gongchan, “are you going to stop being ridiculous? He has a key because he used to live here and he looks after me when my illness gets bad because he knows what to do.” Jinyoung couldn’t be bothered with this fight. “But really if you’re just going to fight go home and calm down a little.” Gongchan stood and looked at Jinyoung trying to think of something to say. “Can you just decide because my day has been really shit Chanshik and I do not need this right now.”
“You need him right now don’t you?” Gongchan said sharply.
“I didn’t say that.” Jinyoung looked at the younger. “You’re reading too much into everything.” Gongchan picked up his bag and stormed out slamming the door. Jinyoung moved on the sofa and lay on it, he closed his eyes and tried to remain calm, normally he would eat foods he shouldn’t and let his enteritis flare up, Shinwoo always said it was Jinyoung’s way of self-harming but Jinyoung just saw it as comfort eating, he couldn’t do that today because Shinwoo really had given up with him. Jinyoung stared at the key that Shinwoo had left it still had the stupid key-ring Jinyoung had bought him when they moved in together on. Jinyoung looked up when he heard a knock on the door and he opened it to see Shinwoo. Jinyoung let him in and closed the door.
“I’m not here to apologize just so you know. I’m here to check you haven’t done anything stupid, like binge on I don’t know that 2 litre bottle of Fanta and some other food you have in this place that you aren’t allowed to eat.” Shinwoo looked at Jinyoung who looked ok and not crippled with pain. “That and your boyfriend doesn’t know how to look after you, he’s too young to know how to cope with when your illness gets bad.”
“He’s not too young, you learnt to cope with it at 18, you’d been around it since we were young.” Jinyoung said answering back.
“But I wasn’t looking after you on my own. He would be. I do it now because I’ve been doing it all these years, because you never look after yourself. He would not cope with you at the worst it gets, when you’re screaming in pain and nothing will sooth it, and all I can do is hold you still to prevent you getting more pain from moving and pressing my hand against your stomach to feel how tight your stomach is. You think he’s old enough to cope with that Jinyoung, because it’s scary when you get like that.”
“S-Shinwoo. He, he could cope. Just holding me isn’t hard.” Jinyoung knew this was a fight he would lose, but he kept going anyway.
“Caring for you is like a part time job, he doesn’t even know how often it flares, does he? Does he know any of the triggers? Other than fizzy drinks?” Jinyoung just looked at Shinwoo. “I thought not.” Shinwoo sat down on the sofa next to Jinyoung, “I won’t apologize for telling the truth. You need to hear it.” Jinyoung didn’t say anything. “He’s too young.”
“Your judgement is clouded because you still love me.” Jinyoung said, Shinwoo shrugged.
“And yours is too.” Shinwoo shrugged, “Otherwise you wouldn’t keep bringing up Sunwoo.” Jinyoung looked away from Shinwoo. “But don’t worry Jinyoung I know where we stand, 8 years is a long time.”
“I’m not doing this right now.” Jinyoung said looking away from Shinwoo. “I’m not going into our break-up. There is too much that is better left”
“Because you might feel, Jinyoung?” Shinwoo looked at Jinyoung who was just staring at him. “You don’t want to talk about our problems, because if we can resolve them that leaves you with a choice.”
“Stop it Dongwoo.” Jinyoung closed his eyes. “Just stop, you dumped me not the other way around so stop acting like the injured party.” Jinyoung glared at Shinwoo. “My boyfriend is 18, he’s legal, I’m doing nothing wrong, and about my illness he’ll learn ways to look after me, like you did.”
“Are you going to call him? I know you two must’ve fought, you look completely worn out.”
“You wear me out.” Jinyoung said quietly. “Our fights wear me out.” Jinyoung sighed, “but we did fight. About you actually.” Shinwoo looked at Jinyoung and raised his eyebrow. “he just got upset that you have a key. You’re taking it back with you right?” Shinwoo hesitated. “Please. If I need you for my health, you’re my best friend.”
“Fine. I’ll take it.” Shinwoo looked at his best friend. “Look, he’s still a kid Jinyoung, We grew up because of your condition, we had to. We couldn’t live recklessly, everything had to be done with care. I know just how much of you it affects, and I know he doesn’t because you wouldn’t tell him. It embarrasses you. He might not want to grow up Jinyoung, and you need to be dating an adult.” Jinyoung looked away from Shinwoo. “Look, I’m going to go now, don’t make yourself sick and if you really want to fix you and him, call the kid, don’t let it fall apart, like you let us - if you want to keep it. We can sort out our problems sometime in the future, but tell him some of that romantic crap you are good at.”
“You like my romantic crap.” Jinyoung smiled, Shinwoo nodded.
“I loved it, you said some of the most beautiful things to me when we were together, say anything like that and the kid will melt.” Shinwoo said as Jinyoung just looked at him. “It’s hard to admit you’re wrong but he needs you to apologize to him, he’s just a kid, he doesn’t understand that you are a bitch if everything’s not done your way.”
“You’re bitchier than me.” Jinyoung said softly, before looking at Shinwoo. “I told him about you calling me fake and now he’s a little paranoid about my dry orgasms.” Jinyoung blushed a little. “I can’t fake it you know.” Jinyoung looked at Shinwoo, “Every time it was real.” Jinyoung got up and want to the kitchen, pouring himself a glass of water.
Shinwoo got up and grabbed his key. “I’m off now. Make sure you call and if you don’t, text me and I’ll come round, just don’t eat anything you know you can’t.” Shinwoo said before leaving, Jinyoung sighed, he called Gongchan and didn’t get the answer he expected. He got Gongchan’s mom, he abruptly put down the phone and sat down on his sofa. His phone lit up, Gongchannie Jinyoung smiled a little and answered.
“Can you come back over? I, I want to sort this out Channie.” Jinyoung waited a short while for Gongchan to come over, he looked tired, Jinyoung could tell he’d been crying. Jinyoung wrapped his arms around Gongchan and pressed a soft kiss to the younger boy’s forehead. “I know I didn’t handle it well.”
“You need to answer some questions. So I can decide something.” Gongchan said moving out of Jinyoung’s arms and sitting on the sofa, Jinyoung sat next to him and nodded. “Ok. How long were you dating him?”
“8 years.” Jinyoung looked at Gongchan who looked a little disappointed. “We were 13 when we had our first date.” Gongchan nodded.
“How long did you live together?”
“From the day we left for university when we were 18, to the day he dumped me and left the apartment when we were 21.” Jinyoung said honestly. “3 years.”
“Would you let him live with you again?”
“You want honesty, because I would. He could move back in. But he won’t. We have too many issues, from when we were dating, that aren’t resolved and may never be resolved.” Jinyoung shrugged, “So he wouldn’t consider living with me as friends.”
“Is he still in love with you?”
“As far as I am aware, yes he is.” Jinyoung said softly, “But I don’t know if that’s being in love or if it’s just because we were each other’s first love, first everything, I don’t know if it’s just that he just can’t
fully let go of us because of that. But I do know he’s chasing another man now.”
“Right. And what about you?”
“He was my first love, there is something there, but it’s not anything serious, it’s not like I want him back, because I don’t.” Jinyoung watched trying to gauge Gongchan’s reaction. “If you’re feeling insecure-“
“I’m not insecure.” Gongchan said quickly. “I just wanted to know. I wasn’t going to let you use me as a weapon against him.” Gongchan looked at Jinyoung. Jinyoung shook his head. He and Shinwoo had got past the times of doing things just to hurt the other. Jinyoung sighed at waited for Gongchan to speak again. “Do you love me?” he asked softly, Jinyoung was shocked, Gongchan had never shown him a weaker side, always his flirtatious and sometimes demanding side. They’d never mentioned love, ever. Gongchan had never said he loved Jinyoung and Jinyoung had never said it the other way around.
Jinyoung was about to ask why Gongchan was interested in love, when he’d never mentioned it before, but it rung in his head that he always used love to describe how he had felt and did feel about Shinwoo. Gongchan watched him carefully. “I don’t know, Gongchan, I… I’m not going to lie to you. I don’t want to say it before I feel it. But right now I’m just… everything is messed up, my heads all over the place.”
“Ok.” Gongchan said quietly, his face unreadable, his eyes locked with Jinyoung’s as if trying to decode his eyes. Jinyoung moved his hand and rested it on Gongchan’s leg.
“D-Do you love me?” Jinyoung asked, he got no answer, which was in itself an answer. Gongchan looked blank, he wasn’t even looking at Jinyoung. “I take that’s a yes. It would be better if you said it to me you know.”
“Why? I would hate to lie to you.” Gongchan said roughly. Jinyoung sighed a little, he pressed a kiss to Gongchan’s cheek.
“Hungry? We can order take out, or I can make something.” Jinyoung tried to get a non-abrasive answer from Gongchan. Jinyoung tried not to get irritated with Gongchan, he knew he’d said the wrong thing, but he couldn’t just lie to the younger boy, but he understood that it would probably make the younger feel somewhat inferior. He loved Shinwoo but can’t say he loved Gongchan. “Ok, don’t answer. I’m going to order take out.”
“Don’t get something you can’t eat.” Gongchan said quietly. “I’ll have what you’re having.” Gongchan said quietly, “I don’t know if I’m staying tonight though. I haven’t got my uniform with me.”
“It’s the weekend.” Jinyoung answered back. Gongchan didn’t look at him. “Channie, please, look at me.” Gongchan looked at Jinyoung and kissed him hard, he didn’t exactly know why, but he kissed Jinyoung desperately, pulling him closer until Gongchan ended up on his back with Jinyoung over him. Jinyoung let out a groan into the kiss as Gongchan slipped his hand between them and cupped the elder’s crotch. Gongchan pulled back from the kiss and smiled up at the other boy.
“I changed my mind. I want pasta.” Gongchan smiled a little. “With carbonara sauce and extra ham.” Gongchan smiled innocently. “You order whatever for you, but I want that.” Gongchan said gently, kissing Jinyoung, his hand ghosting over Jinyoung’s crotch. Jinyoung nodded, grabbing his phone and ordering for them. Once he’d put the phone down the pair resumed their heated kisses. Jinyoung let Gongchan take control.
The doorbell rang and Jinyoung pulled away from his lover. He paid for the food and served it up, they ate together, quietly, but they always did, only asking random questions neither of them was overly interested in. Jinyoung had thought he’d be happier for them to just go back to normal, but it didn’t exactly feel like it did before. He knew Gongchan wasn’t as comfortable as before but he didn’t want to bring it up again. Gongchan looked up and asked. ”What does Shinwoo teach?”
“How did you know he was a teacher too?” Jinyoung asked, but Gongchan didn’t answer. “He teaches mathematics and sometimes physics.” Jinyoung said quietly, Gongchan nodded. “Why?”
“I don’t know, I thought he’d be a literature teacher like you.” Gongchan shrugged. Jinyoung just smiled a little, he didn’t really want to talk more about Shinwoo but the idea of him being a literature teacher made Jinyoung laugh. Gongchan went back to eating, before moving a little. “Jinyoung.” He said quietly. “Why do you still keep food in your apartment that you can’t eat if he moved out, around a year ago?” Jinyoung shrugged.
“It’s not from a year ago.” Jinyoung said eating a little. “Most of it was bought for when you come over, honestly. You come over a lot and I didn’t want you to have to eat to my diet.” Jinyoung smiled a little and Gongchan nodded, Jinyoung cleared their plates and soon enough found himself being dragged into his bedroom.
He woke up the next morning and saw Gongchan had already gotten up, it was unlike Gongchan to get up before him in the mornings. Jinyoung got up, grabbing a shirt and pulling it on so he wasn’t just walking around in his boxers. He smiled when he saw Gongchan sat on his couch watching TV, “Morning.” Jinyoung said, giving his lover a quick peck to the cheek. Gongchan smiled at him, moving to give him a peck on the lips.
Gongchan had been getting quieter, he was thinking more, but Jinyoung just put that down to stress as he was soon to be leaving high school. Gongchan was a little more distant than usual but everything fluctuates in a relationship so Jinyoung wasn’t exactly worried. Jinyoung smiled answering his door to Gongchan who was wearing his uniform for the last time ever. “Congratulations.” Jinyoung smiled, as he held Gongchan close to him.
Gongchan just smiled at him. “So I was thinking next week we could go out on a date.” Jinyoung started. “Maybe the zoo, I know that sounds lame but I think it could be quite fun.”
“Or we could not.” Gongchan said, looking at Jinyoung. “Because, I just can’t do this anymore.” Jinyoung looked confused. “I love you. I love you like you love him.” Him could only be Shinwoo. Gongchan sighed and just shook his head. “I can’t wait for you to love me. I need to end this before you break my heart any more. Don’t tell me you don’t love him because you do. You really fucking do. Even if you’re to blind to see it, I’m not.” Jinyoung shook his head. “No Jinyoung, I thought today was going to be the best day of our relationship so far, but I realised long ago that I was never your love. I was just some kid, some kid who knew how to work you, and you liked that I knew the right words, the right everything to get you going but not love.” Gongchan shook his head again. “That never crossed your mind.”
“Chanshik, don’t do this.” Jinyoung said.
“Do you love me?” Gongchan asked.
“If I say yes will you stay?” Jinyoung said quietly.
“Not now.” Gongchan said, “Not now. Goodbye.” Gongchan said turning and leaving, he ran and Jinyoung didn’t follow. Jinyoung was just stood dumbstruck in his own house, wondering why he didn’t fight, and why he just let Gongchan walk away. Jinyoung reacted like he always had, he drank the rest of the fizzy drink and called Shinwoo when his body started to react.
“Dongwoo. I need you.” He said quietly. “I did a bad thing.” Shinwoo arrived a few minutes later and found Jinyoung already in his bed, Jinyoung was curled up, Shinwoo got into the bed and wrapped his arms around Jinyoung, pressing his hands against Jinyoung’s stomach, which helped to balance the pressure a little.
“I’m here now.” He whispered in Jinyoung’s ear, holding him close to him. Jinyoung let out a pained cry. “I know, and I saw the bottles, you drank 2 litres of the stuff Jinyoung.” Shinwoo pressed his hand a little harder, he could feel how tight Jinyoung’s stomach was. Jinyoung cried out in pain. “Shhh, Shhh Jinnie, I’m here. We’ve been through this before, the pain is going to go.” Jinyoung nodded, his hand clutching at the bedding. “Jinyoung, calm down.” Shinwoo said firmly, kissing the back of Jinyoung’s neck. “Whatever happened it can be fixed you know, this isn’t the answer.”
“It can’t.” Jinyoung gasped in pain. “He left me.” Jinyoung cried out in pain, trying to move but Shinwoo had him held still. Jinyoung cried out again. Jinyoung twisted his body as much as he could. Shinwoo moved to straighten him out.
“You just prolong it like that.” Jinyoung shook his head. “Jinyoung, if you’re going to be like that, I’ll just sit you in your bathroom and make you throw up until it’s all out of your system.” Jinyoung shook his head, Shinwoo had made that happen a few times. “Look, why did he dump you, surely you can fix that?”
“You” Jinyoung gasped. “I still love you.” He said before bursting into tears, crying in pain. Shinwoo tightened his arms around Jinyoung.
“I know Jinyoung. I know it’s hurting, and I know you don’t know what’s hurting more your stomach or your heart, but both of them are going to get better ok?” Shinwoo said before gently kissing the back of Jinyoung’s shoulder, something that he’d always done when he was comforting the younger. Jinyoung carried on crying for a few minutes before settling down. “Is the pain fading?” Shinwoo asked rubbing Jinyoung’s stomach. Jinyoung shook his head.
“I just.” Jinyoung grimaced as he tried not to curl his body up, “It’s hurting so much but I wasn’t crying for that reason.” Jinyoung let out a pained gasp. “It hurt.” Jinyoung moved his hand to cover Shinwoo’s and force more pressure on his stomach. “When he left.”
“Finally someone who saw through your mask.” Shinwoo said quietly, kissing Jinyoung’s shoulder again. “I promise the pain is going to go soon Jinnie.” Jinyoung nodded, not asking which he was referring to. After an hour and a half, Jinyoung said his stomach wasn’t hurting so much and he was going to sleep the rest off. Shinwoo nodded and got out of bed, gently pulling the blanket over Jinyoung. “I’m going to be in the sitting room, if you need me just call. I’ll make us dinner when you wake up.” Jinyoung nodded and Shinwoo gave him a peck on the forehead.
Shinwoo walked out and went into the kitchenette and looked through the cupboards, carefully taking the things that Jinyoung wasn’t allowed to eat out of them and putting them on a shelf near the door, telling himself he’d take them with him when he left. He then lay on the sofa and watched TV for a couple of hours until Jinyoung came into the living room, saying everything was gone and he felt better. Shinwoo checked Jinyoung’s stomach by pressing his hand to it, and Jinyoung looked better, still a bit crap, but he had been dumped so Shinwoo wasn’t holding out for fabulous. “I’ll go cook for us, you wait here and don’t do anything stupid ok?” Jinyoung nodded, Shinwoo knew he wouldn’t do anything, Jinyoung wasn’t that stupid.
Shinwoo finished cooking and they ate in silence, once they’d finished Shinwoo cleared the plates and looked at Jinyoung carefully. “How are you feeling?” Jinyoung just glared at him. “That good,” he sighed. “If he meant that much why didn’t you fight for him?”
“I don’t really want to talk about it.” Jinyoung said not making eye contact with Shinwoo.
“Fine. Don’t talk about it, just keep it inside like always.” Shinwoo looked at Jinyoung. “If you talked about things maybe I wouldn’t have to spend so much time looking after you, because you wouldn’t do things like this!” Shinwoo said before sighing. “Look he’s just a kid, he’ll change his mind.”
“There is no point.” Jinyoung said blandly. “He was right, I didn’t love him.”
“Jinyoung.” Shinwoo said quietly. “You loved him.”
“No. No I didn’t. Not like I love you.” Jinyoung said before getting up and going back into his room, closing the door. Shinwoo sighed, he hated this, he rarely got a proper heart to heart because Jinyoung would run away. Shinwoo sighed and lay on the sofa, soon falling asleep on it, he couldn’t leave in case Jinyoung needed him and he didn’t want to leave in case Jinyoung decided they were going to talk about it. He woke in the morning to find Jinyoung sat on the coffee table just looking at him.
“What are you doing Jinnie?” Shinwoo mumbled. Jinyoung just smiled and shrugged. “Want to talk now?” Jinyoung nodded. “Can it wait for me to wake up a little?” Jinyoung nodded and held out a cup of coffee. Shinwoo smiled and sat up, moving to one end of the sofa, allowing Jinyoung to sit at the other. Shinwoo smiled as he drank the coffee. “You can start talking you know.”
“I’m just going to say this and then I have to go for a bit.” Jinyoung said quietly, “I have to be sure I want to try us again.” Jinyoung shifted a little. “Shinwoo, he dumped me yesterday because I don’t love him the way he loves me, I love you the way I should love him. He wasn’t willing to wait for my heart to change. I-I know you are interested in Sunwoo, but I guess what I’m meaning is that I still love you. I want to sort our issues out and I want to try again.” Shinwoo nodded. “I mean most of our issues were you accusing me of faking. I will admit that sometimes I pretended I was happier than I was in our relationship, but that was it. Nothing else was faked, nothing.” Shinwoo nodded.
“You know Sunwoo was just someone who wasn’t you. He’s attractive but he’s not you.” Shinwoo said quietly.
“I want to think about it a bit.” Jinyoung said softly, Shinwoo laughed a little, but nodded, he accepted that Jinyoung had said his feelings but was just being as he normally was and running away a little. “I’m going home for a few days. I’ll call when I get back.”
“Ok Jinnie, tell your mom I send my love.” Shinwoo said, leaning over to kiss Jinyoung’s forehead. “I’ll see you when you get back.”
Jinyoung left for a week. Shinwoo was beginning to think that he was gone for good, but it was the big holiday from school and they were off. Shinwoo knew it was best not to call Jinyoung because it would just make him worry he’d kept him waiting too long, which he had but he wasn’t going to complain too much about it. Shinwoo smiled when there was a knock on his door, knowing it was Jinyoung. Jinyoung walked in and Shinwoo looked at him. “Let’s do it.” He said. “I want to.” Shinwoo just nodded. “I love you Dongwoo.” Jinyoung said before hugging Shinwoo. Shinwoo just smiled before hugging back.
Dating Shinwoo was good, Jinyoung couldn’t complain, the other man knew him so well, just like he knew Shinwoo. Everything was easy, there was none of the accidentally irritating the other because they knew each other so perfectly, but then there was no discovering, and that had been something Jinyoung had loved about being with Gongchan being able to discover things about the younger, like how he his stomach was sensitive and he liked to be kissed there. There was none of that with Shinwoo, Jinyoung knew exactly what to do. There was no experimenting with things, they were just the same, everything was normal, usual, routine. Jinyoung liked it, but at the same time he craved something more.
Shinwoo would eat what Jinyoung ate, Gongchan never changed his eating habits to fit Jinyoung’s condition. He just wouldn’t share, which didn’t bother Jinyoung, he didn’t see why anyone else should have to eat the way he did. Jinyoung liked the way Shinwoo would hold him, that was one thing Gongchan never did, Gongchan would rest himself against Jinyoung, whereas Shinwoo allowed Jinyoung to snuggle into him when they were watching a film, or just watching TV. Sleeping together with Shinwoo was the same, Shinwoo knew to sleep barely touching Jinyoung, so if he moved in his sleep he wouldn’t wake up at the touch of another person - he hated being touched while he was sleeping. But Gongchan hadn’t cared, he’d get as close as he could without Jinyoung telling him to back up, and often Jinyoung would either wake up because they were touching or he’s wake up pressed against the younger boy. He kind of missed that.
“Shinwoo.” Jinyoung said one night, when they were in his apartment after dinner. “I was wondering if tonight we could, well” Jinyoung leaned forward and whispered in Shinwoo’s ear, “Do it here. On the sofa, and then maybe we could wash up and go to sleep, but you could be a little closer to me than usual.” Shinwoo looked at him.
“We have to be careful with your body, I’d rather you had the support of the bed, to help you, and you hate anyone sleeping near you, why would you want me to get closer?” Shinwoo said gently kissing Jinyoung’s cheek. Jinyoung sighed, he wanted to tell Shinwoo the places he’d done it with Gongchan but he knew he’d just get a lecture about looking after himself and how Gongchan was a child and didn’t know any better. Jinyoung wondered what was so ‘adult’ about being with Shinwoo, other than there being none of the bickering about tiny things like, wanting to shower first, or complaining that the other was taking up too much sofa space.
“Shinwoo.” Jinyoung said sat across from Shinwoo at a small couples café in town. “I think we should break up.” He said quietly. Shinwoo just looked at him. “because, I mean I love you, and I love being with you, but we’re missing something, that spark we had when we were younger. I mean I used to want to have sex with you almost constantly but now we have sex and it’s just there. We’re just there. Sex was a bad example. We’re not exciting or passionately in love.”
“Jinyoung, we have to grow up, you know your condition-“
“Shouldn’t be affecting my love life, Shinwoo.”
“Jinyoung, you can’t just ignore it. You have to be an adult.”
“Shinwoo, it doesn’t need to rule my life, the only thing it affects is what I can eat.” Jinyoung sighed and shook his head. “You know, I felt more adult when I was with Chanshik than with you, he didn’t spend all his time trying to accommodate me. He lived and I did, we made love in places other than places that give me full support, he ate normally instead of like me. We lived like two normal people in a relationship, you just act like a carer, and right now I just want to be a normal person.”
“You actually love him don’t you?” Shinwoo laughed and shook his head. “You love Gongchan and I will never compare to him.” Shinwoo got up, “See you at school Jinyoung.” Shinwoo said leaving the key on the table and getting up. Jinyoung just sat there trying to work out what to do now. He realised he had two choices, to find Gongchan and do something spontaneous and try to win him back, or he could carry on and hope to find another guy like Chanshik. Jinyoung got up and called the university, he knew Gongchan was studying at, he smiled as they were surprisingly eager to help an alumni, who claimed that he had a school award to give Gongchan that was going to be thrown away if he didn’t accept it.
Jinyoung stood outside the door of the dorm room, and knocked, he took a deep breath and felt his heart beat faster as the door opened and Gongchan stood there looking at him. He looked different. He’d dyed his hair blonde. It looked good. “Jinyoung.” Gongchan said surprised, “What are you doing here?”
“I needed to see you, I need to tell you something.” Jinyoung said looking at Gongchan, “I was wrong when I didn’t stop you leaving, I love you. My world stops spinning without you in it. It’s not the same, you’re the one thing I need in my life more than anything else.” Gongchan started to speak. “I don’t need him, I don’t need anyone I only need you. You’re the one I’m in love with, I know it took me a long time to figure it out but I am crap with feelings. I just, I wanted you to know that I love you. I really love you.” Jinyoung tried to read Gongchan’s face, but he couldn’t tell if he’d said enough until Gongchan stepped forward and kissed him hard, pulling Jinyoung into his dorm, trying to get more of the younger man.
They made love against the door of Gongchan’s dorm, and to Jinyoung it was perfect. They held each other trying to stay standing as they came down from their high. Jinyoung pressed his lips to Gongchan’s while his hands played in Gongchan’s now blonde hair. “So Jinyoung.” Gongchan said once he’d got his breath back.
“You know that date to the zoo, when were you thinking of?”