Postbox: Holidays 2005 (1/3)
Title: Postbox [Holidays 2005: 1/3]
Author: sionnach-ayame & stardoll
Fandom/Pairing: Inception | Pre-Inception, Pre-Slash -- ULTIMATELY Arthur/Eames
[this part] Approx. Word Count: 3,000
Disclaimer: Inception? Not ours.
Rating: PG
Summary: The holidays, Arthur/Eames style
Eames' Player: stardoll
Arthur's Player: sionnach-ayame
[this part] Occurs: October - November 2005
<< October 2005
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To: Arthur Delahey < arthurdelahey@gmail.com >From: Edward Eames < e.eames80@gmail.com >Date: Fri Oct 28, 2005Subject: hey So yeah, it's been awhile. Been busy?
Halloween's coming up, do you have any plans?
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Click on the image to go to the actual card
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To: Edward Eames From: Arthur Delahey Date: Thurs Nov 24, 2005Subject: Classy Eddie,
Trust you to remain classy on an important American holiday. You and your people are only upset that you aren't able to get drunk off turkey, stuff yourself as much as you possibly can and be off on a paid holiday while watching (American) football. I know that you're still upset that we dumped all of your "blessed" tea into the harbor but isn't it time to let bygones be bygones? ;-)
Anyway - thank you for the sentiments regardless.
-A
Sent via phone
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To: Arthur Delahey < arthurdelahey@gmail.com >From: Edward Eames < e.eames80@gmail.com >Date: Thurs Nov 24, 2005Subject: Re: Classy Arthur:
You certainly know how to hold a grudge. As sacrilidgious as it was to dump all that tea, I don't hold it against you. So why hold anything against me?
No thanksgiving plans then? Not gonna meet with the family and watch american football or whatever?
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To: Edward Eames < e.eames80@gmail.com >From: Arthur Delahey < arthurdelahey@gmail.com >Date: Thurs Nov 24, 2005Subject: Re: Classy EDDIE,
Has anyone told you to your face that you can be quite the bastard?
If you recall, your words were (and I quote) "I couldn't find an "upon slautering the native peoples, we colonists gathered to eat turkey and give thanks to genocide", so I found the next best thing" right on the card. Who's holding the grudge now?
Anyway, I'm at a friend's house right now for dinner. You know, friends who don't hold my country's past against me. Other than that, it's a pretty unremarkable day over all. I'm not a fan of football as you have probably realized.
So, what are your plans for the day?
-A
Sent via phone
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To: Arthur Delahey < arthurdelahey@gmail.com >From: Edward Eames < e.eames80@gmail.com >Date: Thurs Nov 24, 2005Subject: Re: Classy Arthur,
I know we English haven't been exactly the most hospitible of folks in the course of history - you know, the whole ruling the world thing - but yours did slaughter a group of indiginous (how do you spell that fucking word) people. And then yours stopped long enough to eat turkey.
Just history, dear! Please don't see it as holding a grudge or a slam on americans or whatever. There have been whole books written about the crimes against humanity that have been commited by the english, so it isn't as tho we are a picture-perfect people ourselves.
I don't generally do anything out of the ordinary on this day, and since you plan on seeing just friends...would a phone call be too much?
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To: Edward Eames < e.eames80@gmail.com >From: Arthur Delahey < arthurdelahey@gmail.com >Date: Thurs Nov 24, 2005Subject: Re: Classy Eddie,
You do realize that while we have a holiday that celebrates harvest, pilgrims and the Native Americans - when your people slaughtered and killed thousands of people during different eras, there was, at some point during their day that they had to eat SOMETHING, right? Sometimes it happened AT THE SAME TIME. Even if it was a turkey leg or some other traditional English fair (i.e. fish and chips). Crazy right?
A phone call would not go unwanted.
-A
Sent via phone
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To: Arthur Delahey < arthurdelahey@gmail.com >From: Edward Eames < e.eames80@gmail.com >Date: Thurs Nov 24, 2005Subject: Re: Classy A phone call it is...only if you promise to answer with "Eddie".
PS: what about beans and toast? English food is the worst, but I quite like beans and toast...:/
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To: Edward Eames < e.eames80@gmail.com >From: Arthur Delahey < arthurdelahey@gmail.com >Date: Thurs Nov 24, 2005Subject: Re: Classy You got it.
PS: That sounds disgusting but I'm sure there was a variation of it as well.
Sent via phone
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To: Arthur Delahey < arthurdelahey@gmail.com >From: Edward Eames < e.eames80@gmail.com >Date: Thurs Nov 24, 2005Subject: Re: Classy Really? A TIN of Heinz baked beans available in the middle ages? And you think I'm the crazy one! ;)
Calling youu~
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DATE: November 24th, 2005
TIME: 7:20 GMT | 2:20 EST
CALL PLACE FROM: London
(BEGIN TRANSCRIPT)
ARTHUR DELAHEY: Eddie, happy...uh...Thursday.
EDWARD EAMES: Well don't YOU sound excited? Did someone eat your piece of pie?
DELAHEY: Well, I almost said Thanksgiving, but then I remembered that you don't celebrate Thanksgiving - so I improvised.
EAMES: I'll be willing to admit that it's certainly a nicer Thursday for me than most. After all, it's been awhile since we talked, and you know, e-mail only does so much for me. So tell me, how've you been?
DELAHEY: (pauses) It...it has been a while, hasn't it? (pause) I've been good - been busy. The holidays have been keeping me rather occupied, among...among other things. What about yourself? Have any holiday plans?
EAMES: Oh God, the only major Christmas excursion I have to look forward to is the annual Eames family reunion. Cousins fucking EVERYWHERE, and not nearly enough alcohol to numb oneself from the noise. I swear to bleeding God I'm related to about eighty percent of London's west side.
DELAHEY: (laughs) Aren't all you English related somehow?
EAMES: Pretty much. Everyone knows that the old money are inbred...we, ah, had a thing about marrying cousins. N-not that I mind, no! No, I mean, I have some nice cousins...b-but the inbreeding - the inbreeding simply must STOP.
DELAHEY: (laughs) That explains some things.
EAMES: Oh really, it does then?
DELAHEY: (laughing)
EAMES: Oh, thanks. (laughs) As if your family is any better.
DELAHEY: (laughing) WHAT?
EAMES: Nothing, nothing! (pause) Tell me about your family.
DELAHEY: Huh?
EAMES: Tell me about them. I'm curious.
DELAHEY: Oh. (pause) We're normal. You know - no inbreeding - no serious inbreeding - for the last three generations. At least.
EAMES: Oooh, but I thought wealthy Americans were just as guilty when it came to keeping it in the family?
DELAHEY: We do - did - oh God - but there are these...what do you call them...these legal documents called prenuptial agreements - maybe you heard of it? (laughs) And well - okay, wealthy families do tend to marry other wealthy families...and... well crap, goes right back to incest, doesn't it?
EAMES: (laughing) Well you and I - we're certainly not related, thank God. Or...(pause) at least, I don't THINK so.
DELAHEY: I don't think so either. (long pause) How - how did this conversation turn to incest?
EAMES: I have a gift! And that gift is to somehow derail a topic - any topic - so that it somehow involves sexual taboos. Quite frankly, I don't know how I do it! (laughing)
DELAHEY: (laughing) Your talents are rather impressive, Mr. Eames.
EAMES: What can I say? It's a blessing...the sexual taboo thing! Not the committing incest thing.
DELAHEY: What, no wild flings with any of your cousins or forbidden kisses in secret hideaways?
EAMES: Well, no...(pause) Wait...there was this one time -
DELAHEY: (groans) Oh, God!
EAMES: No, listen! This is a great story!
DELAHEY: What? No -
EAMES: You - you're NOT going to incriminate me, I need to -
DELAHEY: (talking over Eames) And I thought my family was -
EAMES: (groans)
DELAHEY: (laughing) Go ooon.
EAMES: (clears throat) THANK YOU. ANYWAY, when I was 14 and just discovering sex, I had a cousin that at the time I had no idea I was related to. She was two years older than me, and fucking FIT and all day I was trying to get a peep at her, you know? I mean fuck, I'm 14! So later in the afternoon she takes me by the hand and she whisks me away to my room and I'm thinking this is my lucky afternoon, right? So she cradles my face and she leans in close - and I naturally assume she wants to kiss me - and rather than make my whole day my WHOLE fucking day she whispers "Hi, I'm your first cousin. It's lovely to meet you." Instant boner killer!
DELAHEY: (heavy pause)...Wow. I'm...not sure what to say to that. (laughs) Except - except that I'm happy to hear that you didn't commit incest.
EAMES: Well, you asked -
DELAHEY: - no I didn't -
EAMES: And at least I didn't grab her tits or anything! That...that would have driven me to a monastery or something...pray the sin away.
DELAHEY: With those lips of yours, I'm pretty sure they would have thought twice before let you into a monastery.
EAMES: Oh? And what does that mean?
DELAHEY: (laughing) They get you into a LOT of trouble, right?
EAMES: (laughs) It's another gift, what can I say? And what better way to use them than by praising the Lord after hypothetically feeling up my first cousin? Oh...wait...That came out all wrong.
DELAHEY: (laughs) And we will call that the end of the incest conversation.
EAMES: Thank you so much, Arthur...it was getting awkward. I mean, it's not fair for me to tell you a long story about slant incest without YOU telling me an equally as scandalous tale.
DELAHEY: I'm not nearly as FASCINATING or TABOO as you are, I'm afraid.
EAMES: Oh, I'm sure -
DELAHEY: - and as far as scandalous goes - I didn't have any first cousins or anyone remotely my age around to engage in any incestuous acts with.
EAMES: Aww.
DELAHEY: I know, it's disappointing isn't it?
EAMES: Well, I wasn't explicitly rooting around for tales of incest, but you know!
DELAHEY: Then what WERE you rooting for?
EAMES: Oooh, I think you know!
DELAHEY: (laughs) Okay then how about this - I'm at a friends house -
EAMES: Sexy -
DELAHEY: - and having more fun by talking on the phone with you than by sitting with my friends and watching football. Is that scandalous enough for you, Eddie?
EAMES: Well, I would have call it scandalous if you had told me you weren't wearing anything SO instead I will say I'm flattered you find our conversation more interesting than football. (laughs)
DELAHEY: Hm - you know, even though it's not a holiday for you... I - I do have a gift for you. Well...for us, I suppose.
EAMES: Oh?
DELAHEY: I found us a temporary supplier.
EAMES:...really? Well damn. Can you...uh...share any of the details or would you...ah...prefer to just wait until the next time we have an opportunity to see each other? You know, just in case...
DELAHEY: - I'll email you tonight when I get back home, you know, uh, with some of the details...but yeah, yeah I'll explain more fully, when we, when we see each other. Sometime.
EAMES: Lovely. I look forward to it! You work fast, Arthur.
DELAHEY: Of course I do. I have my resources. But uh...but I'm not sure how long we can use this particular source...but you know, for now, I think we're good to go.
EAMES: Fantastic! What about...(pauses) what about uh, you know, work? Because I might have found something on my end, but I can't be too sure until the New Year.
DELAHEY: That's great! Because I haven't heard anything yet, not on my side, but if your lead works out, yeah, let me know!
EAMES: Oh darling...I'll definitely be sure to call you first. It's (laughs nervously) well, it's work, and that's all that matters!
DELAHEY:...do I even want to know what it consists of?
EAMES: I assure you it has nothing to do with incest.
DELAHEY: Oh, well that narrows it down by nothing.
EAMES: And I beg to differ.
DELAHEY: Okay, yeah, so that narrows it down to anything not related to you, or to you feeling up any of your cousins, or your aunts, or your uncles...grandparents...(awkward pause) It still leaves a lot open to what it could be, in terms of what your actual LEAD is.
EAMES:...oh darling, I wouldn't touch my grandparents with a three meter pole. They're quite past their prime and I'd rather tell you about my first boyfriend than speak anymore of incest.
DELAHEY: So then. Tell me about him.
EAMES: Who?
DELAHEY: Your first boyfriend.
EAMES: (laughs) Oh, I broke up with him during lunch because he was a shitty kisser. We were together for exactly two hours. (laughs) It was, without question, the most fulfilling relationship I have had to date.
DELAHEY: Classy. You are a classy man, Mr. Eames.
EAMES: I was thirteen! I'm sure you yourself had epic romances when you were the same age!
DELAHEY: I did...I did...but my most epic - and most tragic - tale of romance occurred when I was in Kindergarten. I kissed Suzie Thompson, and she ran screaming to the teacher.
EAMES: (laughing) Sounds like you got around! I hope you didn't accidentally give little Suzie the herp.
DELAHEY: (laughs) No - and in those days we were too worried about contracting cooties to give much of a damn about herpes! It was just as permanent...but more deadly.
EAMES:...well, you know...they have a pill for that. Herpes, I mean, not cooties. Cooties are an absolute death sentence. Which is why it's a good thing I got my cootie shot when I was young. An ounce of prevention. You know.
DELAHEY: Are you sure because I'm pretty sure I got something from you when I went to do the sheets.
EAMES: I have NO idea what you're talking about, Arthur. Are you sure you're not breaking into a rash because you miss me? I mean, we haven't spoken in a MONTH.
DELAHEY: Boo-hoo -
EAMES: - and besides, modern medicine also has a cure for that, you know, creams or something.
DELAHEY: They have a cure for missing someone or a cure for a rash? You should really specify sometimes or a person can become confused.
EAMES: For a rash, darling, a rash! As for missing someone, you know, there's not a whole lot you can do about that. (sighs) If only there were some magical device that would allow two people to converse over long distances...
DELAHEY: I don't know - that almost seems like too much to ask in these technological times that we live in. What would such devices even be called?
EAMES: Devil box? Because surely such power is of the Devil.
DELAHEY: Perhaps.
EAMES: WHICH IS EXACTLY WHY I SHOULD CONSIDER WORKING IN A MONASTERY! This conversation is becoming circular! Circular so long as we don't revisit incest!
DELAHEY: Congratulations, you have once more brought it back up.
EAMES: Sexual taboos, remember? I'm so very good at that! (laughing) I once went to a priest to confess to pilfering a poor woman's purse but instead I spoke in length about all the carnal sins I had committed in the span of one week...and can I say how awkward that was? It's why I never go to church anymore, it reminds me of the kind of sinner I am.
DELAHEY: You have the guilt of a good Catholic boy.
EAMES: Good God Arthur, what a thing to say.
DELAHEY: What can I say, you bring out the worst in me.
EAMES: Then I'm doing my job, aren't I?
DELAHEY: I suppose you are. (laughs) Thank you for being my bad influence.
EAMES: Anytime, dear. (chuckles) When you want to bring out the worst in yourself, I'm always a phone call away!
DELAHEY: I'll keep that in mind for future reference.
EAMES: Oh, now I have a feeling you're just making promises you can't keep!
DELAHEY: Who says I can't keep them?
EAMES: (laughs) Touché. So now I expect a phone call in the middle of the night from you.
DELAHEY: Perhaps...but it would be morning where you are if it's midnight here. I would only wake you up, and I'm not sure you would be able to keep up with the demand when your head is clouded with sleep.
EAMES: Ye of little faith.
DELAHEY: I don't know - I saw how you were when we were in Spain.
EAMES: That was alcohol, not sleep deprivation!
DELAHEY: (laughing) Oh...oh wait...my friends are calling me - alright, I should get inside. I - I promise I will email you tonight with the, ah, the information.
EAMES: Alright, I look forward to it! And...promise to not go a month without contact again...you know...because...
DELAHEY: (laughs gently) I promise.
EAMES: (laughs) Okay, well...although I want to I really shouldn't keep you, so I'll let you go. I'm...I'm glad we were able to talk. And have a good Thanksgiving, darling.
DELAHEY: (laughs) Have a good Thursday, Eddie, and I feel the same. Glad that we were able to talk.
EAMES: I never allow anyone to call me by my first name, but for you, I make an exception.
DELAHEY: (laughs) Have a good evening. I'll email you later.
(END TRANSCRIPT)
Holidays 2005: 2/3 >>
Author: sionnach-ayame & stardoll
Fandom/Pairing: Inception | Pre-Inception, Pre-Slash -- ULTIMATELY Arthur/Eames
[this part] Approx. Word Count: 3,000
Disclaimer: Inception? Not ours.
Rating: PG
Summary: The holidays, Arthur/Eames style
Eames' Player: stardoll
Arthur's Player: sionnach-ayame
[this part] Occurs: October - November 2005
<< October 2005
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To: Arthur Delahey < arthurdelahey@gmail.com >From: Edward Eames < e.eames80@gmail.com >Date: Fri Oct 28, 2005Subject: hey So yeah, it's been awhile. Been busy?
Halloween's coming up, do you have any plans?
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Click on the image to go to the actual card
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To: Edward Eames From: Arthur Delahey Date: Thurs Nov 24, 2005Subject: Classy Eddie,
Trust you to remain classy on an important American holiday. You and your people are only upset that you aren't able to get drunk off turkey, stuff yourself as much as you possibly can and be off on a paid holiday while watching (American) football. I know that you're still upset that we dumped all of your "blessed" tea into the harbor but isn't it time to let bygones be bygones? ;-)
Anyway - thank you for the sentiments regardless.
-A
Sent via phone
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To: Arthur Delahey < arthurdelahey@gmail.com >From: Edward Eames < e.eames80@gmail.com >Date: Thurs Nov 24, 2005Subject: Re: Classy Arthur:
You certainly know how to hold a grudge. As sacrilidgious as it was to dump all that tea, I don't hold it against you. So why hold anything against me?
No thanksgiving plans then? Not gonna meet with the family and watch american football or whatever?
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To: Edward Eames < e.eames80@gmail.com >From: Arthur Delahey < arthurdelahey@gmail.com >Date: Thurs Nov 24, 2005Subject: Re: Classy EDDIE,
Has anyone told you to your face that you can be quite the bastard?
If you recall, your words were (and I quote) "I couldn't find an "upon slautering the native peoples, we colonists gathered to eat turkey and give thanks to genocide", so I found the next best thing" right on the card. Who's holding the grudge now?
Anyway, I'm at a friend's house right now for dinner. You know, friends who don't hold my country's past against me. Other than that, it's a pretty unremarkable day over all. I'm not a fan of football as you have probably realized.
So, what are your plans for the day?
-A
Sent via phone
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To: Arthur Delahey < arthurdelahey@gmail.com >From: Edward Eames < e.eames80@gmail.com >Date: Thurs Nov 24, 2005Subject: Re: Classy Arthur,
I know we English haven't been exactly the most hospitible of folks in the course of history - you know, the whole ruling the world thing - but yours did slaughter a group of indiginous (how do you spell that fucking word) people. And then yours stopped long enough to eat turkey.
Just history, dear! Please don't see it as holding a grudge or a slam on americans or whatever. There have been whole books written about the crimes against humanity that have been commited by the english, so it isn't as tho we are a picture-perfect people ourselves.
I don't generally do anything out of the ordinary on this day, and since you plan on seeing just friends...would a phone call be too much?
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To: Edward Eames < e.eames80@gmail.com >From: Arthur Delahey < arthurdelahey@gmail.com >Date: Thurs Nov 24, 2005Subject: Re: Classy Eddie,
You do realize that while we have a holiday that celebrates harvest, pilgrims and the Native Americans - when your people slaughtered and killed thousands of people during different eras, there was, at some point during their day that they had to eat SOMETHING, right? Sometimes it happened AT THE SAME TIME. Even if it was a turkey leg or some other traditional English fair (i.e. fish and chips). Crazy right?
A phone call would not go unwanted.
-A
Sent via phone
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To: Arthur Delahey < arthurdelahey@gmail.com >From: Edward Eames < e.eames80@gmail.com >Date: Thurs Nov 24, 2005Subject: Re: Classy A phone call it is...only if you promise to answer with "Eddie".
PS: what about beans and toast? English food is the worst, but I quite like beans and toast...:/
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To: Edward Eames < e.eames80@gmail.com >From: Arthur Delahey < arthurdelahey@gmail.com >Date: Thurs Nov 24, 2005Subject: Re: Classy You got it.
PS: That sounds disgusting but I'm sure there was a variation of it as well.
Sent via phone
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To: Arthur Delahey < arthurdelahey@gmail.com >From: Edward Eames < e.eames80@gmail.com >Date: Thurs Nov 24, 2005Subject: Re: Classy Really? A TIN of Heinz baked beans available in the middle ages? And you think I'm the crazy one! ;)
Calling youu~
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DATE: November 24th, 2005
TIME: 7:20 GMT | 2:20 EST
CALL PLACE FROM: London
(BEGIN TRANSCRIPT)
ARTHUR DELAHEY: Eddie, happy...uh...Thursday.
EDWARD EAMES: Well don't YOU sound excited? Did someone eat your piece of pie?
DELAHEY: Well, I almost said Thanksgiving, but then I remembered that you don't celebrate Thanksgiving - so I improvised.
EAMES: I'll be willing to admit that it's certainly a nicer Thursday for me than most. After all, it's been awhile since we talked, and you know, e-mail only does so much for me. So tell me, how've you been?
DELAHEY: (pauses) It...it has been a while, hasn't it? (pause) I've been good - been busy. The holidays have been keeping me rather occupied, among...among other things. What about yourself? Have any holiday plans?
EAMES: Oh God, the only major Christmas excursion I have to look forward to is the annual Eames family reunion. Cousins fucking EVERYWHERE, and not nearly enough alcohol to numb oneself from the noise. I swear to bleeding God I'm related to about eighty percent of London's west side.
DELAHEY: (laughs) Aren't all you English related somehow?
EAMES: Pretty much. Everyone knows that the old money are inbred...we, ah, had a thing about marrying cousins. N-not that I mind, no! No, I mean, I have some nice cousins...b-but the inbreeding - the inbreeding simply must STOP.
DELAHEY: (laughs) That explains some things.
EAMES: Oh really, it does then?
DELAHEY: (laughing)
EAMES: Oh, thanks. (laughs) As if your family is any better.
DELAHEY: (laughing) WHAT?
EAMES: Nothing, nothing! (pause) Tell me about your family.
DELAHEY: Huh?
EAMES: Tell me about them. I'm curious.
DELAHEY: Oh. (pause) We're normal. You know - no inbreeding - no serious inbreeding - for the last three generations. At least.
EAMES: Oooh, but I thought wealthy Americans were just as guilty when it came to keeping it in the family?
DELAHEY: We do - did - oh God - but there are these...what do you call them...these legal documents called prenuptial agreements - maybe you heard of it? (laughs) And well - okay, wealthy families do tend to marry other wealthy families...and... well crap, goes right back to incest, doesn't it?
EAMES: (laughing) Well you and I - we're certainly not related, thank God. Or...(pause) at least, I don't THINK so.
DELAHEY: I don't think so either. (long pause) How - how did this conversation turn to incest?
EAMES: I have a gift! And that gift is to somehow derail a topic - any topic - so that it somehow involves sexual taboos. Quite frankly, I don't know how I do it! (laughing)
DELAHEY: (laughing) Your talents are rather impressive, Mr. Eames.
EAMES: What can I say? It's a blessing...the sexual taboo thing! Not the committing incest thing.
DELAHEY: What, no wild flings with any of your cousins or forbidden kisses in secret hideaways?
EAMES: Well, no...(pause) Wait...there was this one time -
DELAHEY: (groans) Oh, God!
EAMES: No, listen! This is a great story!
DELAHEY: What? No -
EAMES: You - you're NOT going to incriminate me, I need to -
DELAHEY: (talking over Eames) And I thought my family was -
EAMES: (groans)
DELAHEY: (laughing) Go ooon.
EAMES: (clears throat) THANK YOU. ANYWAY, when I was 14 and just discovering sex, I had a cousin that at the time I had no idea I was related to. She was two years older than me, and fucking FIT and all day I was trying to get a peep at her, you know? I mean fuck, I'm 14! So later in the afternoon she takes me by the hand and she whisks me away to my room and I'm thinking this is my lucky afternoon, right? So she cradles my face and she leans in close - and I naturally assume she wants to kiss me - and rather than make my whole day my WHOLE fucking day she whispers "Hi, I'm your first cousin. It's lovely to meet you." Instant boner killer!
DELAHEY: (heavy pause)...Wow. I'm...not sure what to say to that. (laughs) Except - except that I'm happy to hear that you didn't commit incest.
EAMES: Well, you asked -
DELAHEY: - no I didn't -
EAMES: And at least I didn't grab her tits or anything! That...that would have driven me to a monastery or something...pray the sin away.
DELAHEY: With those lips of yours, I'm pretty sure they would have thought twice before let you into a monastery.
EAMES: Oh? And what does that mean?
DELAHEY: (laughing) They get you into a LOT of trouble, right?
EAMES: (laughs) It's another gift, what can I say? And what better way to use them than by praising the Lord after hypothetically feeling up my first cousin? Oh...wait...That came out all wrong.
DELAHEY: (laughs) And we will call that the end of the incest conversation.
EAMES: Thank you so much, Arthur...it was getting awkward. I mean, it's not fair for me to tell you a long story about slant incest without YOU telling me an equally as scandalous tale.
DELAHEY: I'm not nearly as FASCINATING or TABOO as you are, I'm afraid.
EAMES: Oh, I'm sure -
DELAHEY: - and as far as scandalous goes - I didn't have any first cousins or anyone remotely my age around to engage in any incestuous acts with.
EAMES: Aww.
DELAHEY: I know, it's disappointing isn't it?
EAMES: Well, I wasn't explicitly rooting around for tales of incest, but you know!
DELAHEY: Then what WERE you rooting for?
EAMES: Oooh, I think you know!
DELAHEY: (laughs) Okay then how about this - I'm at a friends house -
EAMES: Sexy -
DELAHEY: - and having more fun by talking on the phone with you than by sitting with my friends and watching football. Is that scandalous enough for you, Eddie?
EAMES: Well, I would have call it scandalous if you had told me you weren't wearing anything SO instead I will say I'm flattered you find our conversation more interesting than football. (laughs)
DELAHEY: Hm - you know, even though it's not a holiday for you... I - I do have a gift for you. Well...for us, I suppose.
EAMES: Oh?
DELAHEY: I found us a temporary supplier.
EAMES:...really? Well damn. Can you...uh...share any of the details or would you...ah...prefer to just wait until the next time we have an opportunity to see each other? You know, just in case...
DELAHEY: - I'll email you tonight when I get back home, you know, uh, with some of the details...but yeah, yeah I'll explain more fully, when we, when we see each other. Sometime.
EAMES: Lovely. I look forward to it! You work fast, Arthur.
DELAHEY: Of course I do. I have my resources. But uh...but I'm not sure how long we can use this particular source...but you know, for now, I think we're good to go.
EAMES: Fantastic! What about...(pauses) what about uh, you know, work? Because I might have found something on my end, but I can't be too sure until the New Year.
DELAHEY: That's great! Because I haven't heard anything yet, not on my side, but if your lead works out, yeah, let me know!
EAMES: Oh darling...I'll definitely be sure to call you first. It's (laughs nervously) well, it's work, and that's all that matters!
DELAHEY:...do I even want to know what it consists of?
EAMES: I assure you it has nothing to do with incest.
DELAHEY: Oh, well that narrows it down by nothing.
EAMES: And I beg to differ.
DELAHEY: Okay, yeah, so that narrows it down to anything not related to you, or to you feeling up any of your cousins, or your aunts, or your uncles...grandparents...(awkward pause) It still leaves a lot open to what it could be, in terms of what your actual LEAD is.
EAMES:...oh darling, I wouldn't touch my grandparents with a three meter pole. They're quite past their prime and I'd rather tell you about my first boyfriend than speak anymore of incest.
DELAHEY: So then. Tell me about him.
EAMES: Who?
DELAHEY: Your first boyfriend.
EAMES: (laughs) Oh, I broke up with him during lunch because he was a shitty kisser. We were together for exactly two hours. (laughs) It was, without question, the most fulfilling relationship I have had to date.
DELAHEY: Classy. You are a classy man, Mr. Eames.
EAMES: I was thirteen! I'm sure you yourself had epic romances when you were the same age!
DELAHEY: I did...I did...but my most epic - and most tragic - tale of romance occurred when I was in Kindergarten. I kissed Suzie Thompson, and she ran screaming to the teacher.
EAMES: (laughing) Sounds like you got around! I hope you didn't accidentally give little Suzie the herp.
DELAHEY: (laughs) No - and in those days we were too worried about contracting cooties to give much of a damn about herpes! It was just as permanent...but more deadly.
EAMES:...well, you know...they have a pill for that. Herpes, I mean, not cooties. Cooties are an absolute death sentence. Which is why it's a good thing I got my cootie shot when I was young. An ounce of prevention. You know.
DELAHEY: Are you sure because I'm pretty sure I got something from you when I went to do the sheets.
EAMES: I have NO idea what you're talking about, Arthur. Are you sure you're not breaking into a rash because you miss me? I mean, we haven't spoken in a MONTH.
DELAHEY: Boo-hoo -
EAMES: - and besides, modern medicine also has a cure for that, you know, creams or something.
DELAHEY: They have a cure for missing someone or a cure for a rash? You should really specify sometimes or a person can become confused.
EAMES: For a rash, darling, a rash! As for missing someone, you know, there's not a whole lot you can do about that. (sighs) If only there were some magical device that would allow two people to converse over long distances...
DELAHEY: I don't know - that almost seems like too much to ask in these technological times that we live in. What would such devices even be called?
EAMES: Devil box? Because surely such power is of the Devil.
DELAHEY: Perhaps.
EAMES: WHICH IS EXACTLY WHY I SHOULD CONSIDER WORKING IN A MONASTERY! This conversation is becoming circular! Circular so long as we don't revisit incest!
DELAHEY: Congratulations, you have once more brought it back up.
EAMES: Sexual taboos, remember? I'm so very good at that! (laughing) I once went to a priest to confess to pilfering a poor woman's purse but instead I spoke in length about all the carnal sins I had committed in the span of one week...and can I say how awkward that was? It's why I never go to church anymore, it reminds me of the kind of sinner I am.
DELAHEY: You have the guilt of a good Catholic boy.
EAMES: Good God Arthur, what a thing to say.
DELAHEY: What can I say, you bring out the worst in me.
EAMES: Then I'm doing my job, aren't I?
DELAHEY: I suppose you are. (laughs) Thank you for being my bad influence.
EAMES: Anytime, dear. (chuckles) When you want to bring out the worst in yourself, I'm always a phone call away!
DELAHEY: I'll keep that in mind for future reference.
EAMES: Oh, now I have a feeling you're just making promises you can't keep!
DELAHEY: Who says I can't keep them?
EAMES: (laughs) Touché. So now I expect a phone call in the middle of the night from you.
DELAHEY: Perhaps...but it would be morning where you are if it's midnight here. I would only wake you up, and I'm not sure you would be able to keep up with the demand when your head is clouded with sleep.
EAMES: Ye of little faith.
DELAHEY: I don't know - I saw how you were when we were in Spain.
EAMES: That was alcohol, not sleep deprivation!
DELAHEY: (laughing) Oh...oh wait...my friends are calling me - alright, I should get inside. I - I promise I will email you tonight with the, ah, the information.
EAMES: Alright, I look forward to it! And...promise to not go a month without contact again...you know...because...
DELAHEY: (laughs gently) I promise.
EAMES: (laughs) Okay, well...although I want to I really shouldn't keep you, so I'll let you go. I'm...I'm glad we were able to talk. And have a good Thanksgiving, darling.
DELAHEY: (laughs) Have a good Thursday, Eddie, and I feel the same. Glad that we were able to talk.
EAMES: I never allow anyone to call me by my first name, but for you, I make an exception.
DELAHEY: (laughs) Have a good evening. I'll email you later.
(END TRANSCRIPT)
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