Supernatural drabbling: Saving The World Before Bedtime (Gen AU humor)

[the_diggler]

Title: Saving The World Before Bedtime {also at AO3, Russian translation at ficbook}
Rating: G
Pairing/Characters: Dean and Castiel, but there are also appearances from Sam, Lisa, Ruby, Bela... and more.
Genre: AU, humor
Spoilers/Warnings: AU references to seasons 3 to 7, heavy on episode 7x01!
Word Count: 750
Summary: Playground verse in which everyone is 8 years old and everything becomes fodder for childsplay, girls are mostly evil (at first), and Dean has to teach Cas how to play Cowboys because all his ideas suck.
Disclaimer: Supernatural is the brain-spawn of the almighty Kripke. I’m just showing love.



A long time ago in a playground far, far away....

~

“Bang! Bang! Bang! …Sammy, Cowboys are supposed to kill Indians, not talk to them!”

“I’m not an Indian, Dean, I’m a Nurse. And I’m helping him.”

“But Sammy… Ruby’s a girl.”

“… I like playing Doctor, Dean.”

“sheesh. i’m grounded for 4 days and this is what happens.”

~

“Bang! Bang! Ba-oof… Who are you?”

“Castiel.”

“What are you?”

“I’m a Soldier of God.”

“Like with swords and stuff?”

“Yes. I’m playing with my brothers. Do you want to play with us?”

“Nah.”

~

“What are you playing?”

“Cowboys and Indians. Wanna play?”

“Alright.”

“Awesome.”

“How do we play?”

“Well first, we gotta go save Sammy from Ruby. She’s a girl. We don’t play with girls.”

“Yes. I do not like her. You should make him stop.”

~

“Now what, Dean?”

“Now, Cas, we make it up as we go.”

“I do not understand. What’s the purpose?”

“We hunt bad guys, protect people… basically, we save the world!”

~

“Bela give it back!”

“Go to hell, Dean.”

“…You first!”

~

“Hey Cas!”

“Hello, Dean. Where’s Sam?”

“We had a fight so I came by myself. Can I play with you?”

“Of course.”

“What are you guys doing?”

“Michael and Lucifer are playing Soldiers, as usual”

“Looks like boxing to me.”

“Yes, they get out of hand sometimes.”

“Yeah I’m gonna stay away from that.“

“Well, Zachariah is playing office?”

“Ffft. Lame.”

“Yes, I thought so too.”

“Right?”

“Balthazar is on the Titanic?”

“Dude. No."

“… Sometimes Gabriel plays CSI?”

“Nope, I hate that show. Besides, sometimes Sammy and I play FBI and no offence Cas, but I get the feeling you would suck at it.”

“…”

“....”

“...... Zombie apocalypse?”

~

“Cas, why were you talking to that girl?”

“That’s not a girl. That’s my sister, Anna.”

“Hmm…”

~

“Hello, Dean. Where’s Sam?”

“He’s grounded. For, like, a year.”

“Oh. I’m sorry. Do you want to play with us?”

“I don’t really feel like it today.”

“That’s alright.”

“What are you guys up to anyway?”

“I got some of my brothers to play Cowboys with me. I’m the Sheriff.”

“Cool. How’s it going?”

“Not so well. My brothers are having trouble understanding the game. Raphael still wants to play Soldiers.”

“What a douche.”

“Yes. It’s more fun playing with you. You always know what to do.”

“I learned from my Dad. He’s awesome.”

“Oh. My Dad isn’t here. I learned Soldiers from my brothers.”

“Cowboys is way better.”

“Yes, but it’s hard telling my brothers what to do. I’m not used to it.“

“Well you only just learned, Cas. Just work out what you like and then it’ll be easy to make up the rules.

“What I… like?”

“Yeah.”

“I like what you like.”

“…Just go with that then.”

~

“Hey Lisa. I’ve been wounded in the war. I need a nurse.”

~

“Sammy what’s up with your arms?”

“I’m a robot, see Dean? Here comes the Saminator!”

“Dude… seriously?”

“… Cas made me.”

~

“Geez Cas what happened to your face?!”

“I didn’t want to play Soldiers so Raphael punched me.”

“Did you punch him back?”

“Yes, but… he’s bigger than me.”

“Dude. Are you okay?”

“Oh yes, I’m fine now. I told him if he wanted to be a Soldier of God, then I would play God and he would have to do everything I say. Crowley gave me the idea.”

“Crowley? Since when do you talk to Crowley. I thought we hated Crowley.”

“I do, but… I didn’t want to bother you while you were playing house with Lisa.”

“Dude… No… I don't…. play house.”

“It’s alright Dean. Besides, I can do whatever I want now. I’m going around fixing things and making the world a better place! Remember, Dean? Save the world?”

“That not what I meant, dude. That’s just not how you go about saving the world.”

“I know what I’m doing, Dean, it’s a great game!”

“Whatever, Cas. I’m gonna go watch some Japanese cartoons.”

~

“Hey Cas, what are you up to today?”

“Cas? Cas is gone! I’m a Leviathan!”

“A Luvia-what?”

“A Leviathan, Dean. It’s an ancient and terrible sea monster, older than time itself, and it has scales and these teeth and breathes fire and has this terrible, terrible hunger and goes aound wreaking havoc on the earth devouring everything in it's path! Come play! It’s going to be SO MUCH FUN MWAHAHAHA!”

“Dude. I think you’ve had too much sugar today.”

~ fin

Season 7 continuation here!