ficlet: The Lost Boys
so uhhh...I was in a silly mood. and this is what came out. it's uhhh...yeah, haha. really really silly. anyway, hopefully it's marginally entertaining.
Title: The Lost Boys
Author: Mel (btvslover82)
Pairing: Spangel
Rating: err…as far as sex goes, so very PG
Summary and Warning: pop culture mockery. But it’s 80s pop culture, so your sensitive sensibilities should escape unscathed. I dunno when this takes place. some kind of post-nfa domestic bliss.
“I don’t even know why you’re making me watch this. It’s stupid.”
“Ssshhh. This here’s the best part-”
“These guys look nothing like vampires, Spike. They look all…smarmy and sweaty. Have you ever seen me sweat like that a day in my life?”
“Christ, must you talk through the film? It’s fantasy-fiction, pet, and anyway, you should be grateful they portray us this way.”
“Oh yeah, and why’s that.”
“Because if they were more accurate, there would be fewer tasty unsuspecting snacks for us. Helps us blend better, if they expect vamps to be utterly uncouth wankers.”
“Spike, we drink pig’s blood. This…bullshit does us no great service. The pigs don’t watch cult classics from the 80s.”
“They might. Bloody smart little buggers. Once Dru dragged me to this weird place in Louisiana or Texas or summat, and they had a swimming pig that could-”
“Oh, for crying out loud, I didn’t think this movie could get any worse, but look at that.”
“What? They’re just talking through the window. Bloke can’t enter cause he hasn’t been invited. That’s accurate enough, innit?”
“He’s floating. On thin air. Like…oh my god, are vampires supposed to be able to fly in this movie? That’s it, turn it off, right now. This is trash. Complete and utter trash.”
“Well…we’re pretty keen on jumping. I could see how some little happy meal might get that confused with flight and tell all his other little munchies that-”
“I refuse to watch a movie where vampires are just glorified fairies. It’s not right.”
“There, there, sire. No one’s callin’ you a fairy. Mind, I could, if I were so inclined.”
“Spike.”
“Just sayin, pet, it’s not very politically correct of you to go throwin’ that slur around in such a cavalier fashion. Especially since you yourself are a vamp of oft-discriminated sexual orientation.”
“I’m not gay!!”
“The lady doth protest. Did I say you only liked the company of men? Course not. Christ and all knows I had to listen to you shaggin’ that stupid bint, Darla, while she shrieked like a banshee, back in the day. But we both know you like my arse far too much for middle America to feel comfy and cozy, don’t you, pet?”
“Not enough to make up for you forcing me to watch this shit.”
“We’ll see about that. You know, if you’re a good boy, and be quiet for the rest of my film, I’ll let you do that thing you like.”
.....
“The thing we hardly ever do, or the thing we only did that one time, that I’ve been wanting to try again ever since?”
“The thing we never do, because it was bloody ridiculous and only erotic to you, because you’re a ponce.”
“…. Okay. I’ll watch it. I mean, what’s this thing, just like another hour, right?”
“Gonna have to start it over, thanks to your whingin’. Then there’s the extras. This here’s the re-released special edition.”
“Tell you what, pet, just cause I know how very hard this is for a stodgy old man like yourself…we’ll also do the thing we hardly ever do.”
“Promise?”
“I believe I can be persuaded, if you’ll let me climb on top and-”
“Spiiiike.”
“Just sayin’ give a little, get a little. Now, sshh, you’ll like this bit comin’ up. Bloody hell, I only wish humans were really this gullible….”
[/silliness]
Title: The Lost Boys
Author: Mel (btvslover82)
Pairing: Spangel
Rating: err…as far as sex goes, so very PG
Summary and Warning: pop culture mockery. But it’s 80s pop culture, so your sensitive sensibilities should escape unscathed. I dunno when this takes place. some kind of post-nfa domestic bliss.
“I don’t even know why you’re making me watch this. It’s stupid.”
“Ssshhh. This here’s the best part-”
“These guys look nothing like vampires, Spike. They look all…smarmy and sweaty. Have you ever seen me sweat like that a day in my life?”
“Christ, must you talk through the film? It’s fantasy-fiction, pet, and anyway, you should be grateful they portray us this way.”
“Oh yeah, and why’s that.”
“Because if they were more accurate, there would be fewer tasty unsuspecting snacks for us. Helps us blend better, if they expect vamps to be utterly uncouth wankers.”
“Spike, we drink pig’s blood. This…bullshit does us no great service. The pigs don’t watch cult classics from the 80s.”
“They might. Bloody smart little buggers. Once Dru dragged me to this weird place in Louisiana or Texas or summat, and they had a swimming pig that could-”
“Oh, for crying out loud, I didn’t think this movie could get any worse, but look at that.”
“What? They’re just talking through the window. Bloke can’t enter cause he hasn’t been invited. That’s accurate enough, innit?”
“He’s floating. On thin air. Like…oh my god, are vampires supposed to be able to fly in this movie? That’s it, turn it off, right now. This is trash. Complete and utter trash.”
“Well…we’re pretty keen on jumping. I could see how some little happy meal might get that confused with flight and tell all his other little munchies that-”
“I refuse to watch a movie where vampires are just glorified fairies. It’s not right.”
“There, there, sire. No one’s callin’ you a fairy. Mind, I could, if I were so inclined.”
“Spike.”
“Just sayin, pet, it’s not very politically correct of you to go throwin’ that slur around in such a cavalier fashion. Especially since you yourself are a vamp of oft-discriminated sexual orientation.”
“I’m not gay!!”
“The lady doth protest. Did I say you only liked the company of men? Course not. Christ and all knows I had to listen to you shaggin’ that stupid bint, Darla, while she shrieked like a banshee, back in the day. But we both know you like my arse far too much for middle America to feel comfy and cozy, don’t you, pet?”
“Not enough to make up for you forcing me to watch this shit.”
“We’ll see about that. You know, if you’re a good boy, and be quiet for the rest of my film, I’ll let you do that thing you like.”
.....
“The thing we hardly ever do, or the thing we only did that one time, that I’ve been wanting to try again ever since?”
“The thing we never do, because it was bloody ridiculous and only erotic to you, because you’re a ponce.”
“…. Okay. I’ll watch it. I mean, what’s this thing, just like another hour, right?”
“Gonna have to start it over, thanks to your whingin’. Then there’s the extras. This here’s the re-released special edition.”
“Tell you what, pet, just cause I know how very hard this is for a stodgy old man like yourself…we’ll also do the thing we hardly ever do.”
“Promise?”
“I believe I can be persuaded, if you’ll let me climb on top and-”
“Spiiiike.”
“Just sayin’ give a little, get a little. Now, sshh, you’ll like this bit comin’ up. Bloody hell, I only wish humans were really this gullible….”
[/silliness]