'You & Me' [Brendon Urie/Ryan Ross]
Title: 'You & Me'
Author: that_1_incident
Fandom: Panic! at the Disco
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Profanity
Pairing: Ryan Ross/Brendon Urie
Word Count: ~5,000
Summary: "You & me, all that we need is each other/ That's why we make a good you & me..."
Disclaimer: Don't own. Believe me, I wouldn't be on here writing about them if I did.
Author's Notes: Based on 'You & Me' by The Plain White T's.
---<---<---@
“You and me, we like the same kind of music
That's why we make a good you and me.”
“Okay, so there’s this kid Brendon in my math class,” Brent announced one day after school as he, Ryan and Spencer sat crammed into Spencer’s parents’ small garage along with three guitars and a full-sized drum set.
Spencer cocked his head. “Brendon? Dark hair, skinny, really hyperactive?” Brent nodded. “Oh, his locker is next to mine.”
“Really?!” Brent exclaimed. “Dude, that’s awesome!”
Ryan rested his guitar gently against the back wall of the garage. “Why is it awesome?” he asked suspiciously.
“It’s awesome because a) Spencer already knows him, and b) we need a singer and the kid can sing. I got to math class early so I could finish that assignment that was due last Tuesday -”
“Typical Brent,” Spencer interrupted with a grin.
Brent shot him a dirty look and continued. “And this kid was sitting there doing his homework right at the front. I guess he didn’t hear me come in because he was singing this song under his breath as he was working. At first I didn’t really listen to it and I just got out my books and stuff, but he was kinda distracting, so I started really paying attention to the song. Anyway, I realised it was ‘Round Here’, and the kid was seriously singing the shit out of it.”
“‘Round Here’?” Ryan echoed, his eyes lighting up. “Counting Crows?”
“Yup,” Brent said authoritatively. “So then I went up to him and I said ‘Dude, I’m in this band and we could really use a proper singer’ - no offence, Ryan,” he added, looking at his friend guiltily.
Ryan shrugged. “None taken. I’d rather be writing the lyrics than singing them.”
“And then the kid looked at me and was like ‘Uh, what?’ because he was still in the math homework zone, you know? So I was like ‘I heard you singing and I think you have a really great voice’ and he was like ‘Oh yeah?’ and I was like ‘Yeah’.”
Spencer rolled his eyes. “Get to the point, man.”
“And then I gave him Spencer’s address and told him to drop by at five o’clock.”
Spencer’s eyebrows shot up. “Dude!” He checked his watch frantically. “Did it not cross your mind to give us more than fifteen minutes’ notice?! I could’ve asked my mom to like... bake some cookies or something.”
Brent rolled his eyes. “Brendon’s not coming for the cookies, man. He’s coming to meet you guys. And seriously, this kid... this kid is good.”
Ryan frowned. He didn’t like the immediacy of the situation any more than Spencer, but he knew it took a lot to impress Brent so this Brendon guy was probably something really special.
“...Okay,” he said finally. “Okay, um... I guess we should decide what we’re gonna ask him to sing.”
---
It was of course Brendon who ended up deciding what he was going to sing. He waltzed into Spencer’s garage at five minutes past five, belted out ‘Round Here’ and a song Ryan vaguely recognized as being in the Top 40, then cocked an eyebrow at his audience and inquired, “So, what do you think?”
Brent looked smug about his discovery of what was obviously the best set of pipes in the entire high school, Spencer looked stunned and could only manage a faint “Uh, yeah... yeah, that was decent...”, and Ryan was trying to look nonchalant because honestly, if all three of them melted into a puddle on the floor then Brendon was going to think that he had complete control over everybody, and Ryan quite liked having input into the creative process, thank you very much.
It was then that Brendon chose to announce, “Damn, you guys, it’s hot in here” and pulled off his hoody, revealing a Blink 182 T-shirt and slim thighs encased in tight girls’ jeans.
“Whoa,” Ryan breathed, “you like Blink?”
“Love them,” was Brendon’s immediate response. “You?”
“Blink exists,” Ryan answered reverently. “And you like Counting Crows too, right?”
Brendon smiled and nodded. “Yup. Ever since the first time I heard ‘August and Everything After’.”
“Me too!” Ryan exclaimed. “You and me, we like the same kind of music.”
Brendon beamed back at him, eyes sparkling and warm, before Brent broke the moment by standing up and asking, “So, guys, what do you think?”
Spencer nodded slowly. “I think yes.”
“Ryan?”
Ryan managed to tear his gaze away from Brendon’s long enough to make eye contact with Brent and replied firmly, “Definitely yes.”
“Sweet!” Brent stepped forward and held his hand out to Brendon, who took it but looked rather bemused. “Brendon Urie, welcome to the Summer League.”
“That’s it?” Brendon asked incredulously. “I’m in?”
“Hell yeah. Practice is Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, four o’clock, right here in Spencer’s garage. Be here or be queer.”
Brendon bit his lip a little, and then giggled.
---
“We’ve got style, and baby we know how to use it
That's why we make a good you and me”
“So, uh, Ryan...” Brendon began later that evening, sitting cross-legged at the end of Ryan’s bed. Ryan had invited him over for dinner, and he’d sort of ended up staying all evening somehow... not that Ryan minded. Brendon gestured to the make-up box on Ryan’s dresser, and the Polaroids stuck around the circumference of his mirror. Ryan’s face peered out from all of them, adorned with an assortment of trees and birds and abject mystical swirls beautifully accented in pink and gold. “I see you’re an artist.”
Ryan’s face went as red as the blush in his make-up box. “You weren’t supposed to see that,” he muttered, rising to clear the box off the tabletop. Brendon rose too, and placed his hand over Ryan’s wrist.
“Don’t,” he said quietly. “I like it. I think it’s cool.” He fingered a small pot of glittery eyeshadow and grinned. “Pretty sparkles.”
Ryan looked at him askance, his bangs slipping over one eye. “Yeah?”
Brendon nodded. “I... I’d wanna wear eyeliner and stuff too, you know, like you, except my parents would get really upset with me.”
Laughing, Ryan admitted, “My dad’s not exactly thrilled with it either.”
“Is he religious?”
Ryan frowned at the question. “Um, no, he just doesn’t want his son looking like a fag, I guess.”
“Oh.”
Ryan felt like he’d said the wrong thing. “Why? Are your parents religious?”
Brendon nodded again. “Mormons.”
“Ah.” Ryan really had no concrete idea of what a Mormon was, but was afraid to expose his ignorance.
“Latter Day Saints,” Brendon clarified with a smile, as if he’d read Ryan’s mind. “They’re basically, like... well, they follow the Bible and the Book of Mormon, and I don’t know how familiar you are with the Bible but they’re big believers in what it says in Corinthians.” He sighed and then quoted, “Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers -”
“Nor men who practice homosexuality,” Ryan cut in. “I went to Catholic school,” he said by way of explanation.
Brendon looked grateful. “Then you understand?”
“Yeah. But I don’t agree with it,” Ryan said simply.
Brendon was silent for a few moments. “Me either,” he said finally. “But my parents do, and I have to honor them, you know? It’s a Commandment.”
“Yeah,” Ryan said sadly. “I could, uh…” he started tentatively, then trailed off.
“You could what?” Brendon pressed.
“I could make your face like that,” he offered hesitantly, gesturing towards the photos that adorned the frame of his mirror. “You could pick the designs you like, and I could do them for you. Um. If you want.”
Brendon’s eyes lit up. “Really?”
“Yeah.” Ryan smiled. Brendon was adorable when he was excited. “I’d be glad to.”
“Hmmm.” Brendon cautiously approached the mirror and then leaned forward to study the pictures. “You look so pretty in this one,” he remarked absently, then caught himself and blushed. “Handsome, I mean. Handsome.”
“Thanks,” said Ryan quietly.
They lapsed into silence until finally, after a few minutes of intense scrutiny, Brendon said, “I really like the birds.”
“Yeah? That’s my favorite too. What colors do you want them in?”
“Uhh… like… I like the black with the gold outlines, and can you do a background of like… reddish pink? Like a sunset, you know? Kind of like this” (he pointed to a Polaroid) “but with red and pink. If you can do that. Can you do that?”
Ryan laughed. “I can do that. In fact, I love that color combination. You’ve got style, Brendon Urie.”
Brendon smiled.
---
“You and me, we couldn’t stand being normal
That’s why we make a good you and me.”
“You look great,” declared Ryan half an hour later, stepping back to regard his handiwork.
Brendon’s eyes sparkled. “Can I go look at myself in the mirror now?”
“Absolutely.”
“Yay!” Brendon bounded over to the mirror then stopped in his tracks. “Whoa,” he breathed when he beheld his reflection, automatically lifting a hand to his face to touch the masterpiece. Ryan slapped him sharply on the wrist.
“Don’t touch!” he admonished.
Brendon pouted. “But it’s so pretty.”
“It won’t be when you smudge it,” Ryan retorted, then got up enough courage to ask, “Hey, can I take a picture of you? To put next to the other ones?”
“Sure!”
Ryan grinned and pulled out an ancient Polaroid camera from under his bed. “Strike a pose.”
Brendon pouted again, this time much more alluringly.
“Tilt your head to the left a little bit,” Ryan continued. Brendon obliged, and Ryan giggled and exclaimed, “Work it!”
Brendon tossed his head. “I’m a diva!”
‘Flash!’ went Ryan’s camera. He removed the Polaroid picture and waved it around haphazardly, then squinted at it. “This actually came out quite well.”
“You sound surprised,” Brendon commented.
“No, I just, I mean it’s, it’s really nice,” Ryan stuttered. He held out the photo to Brendon. “See?”
Brendon raised his eyebrows in contemplation. “I don’t think I look that gay, really. Well, no gayer than usual. Which, come to think of it, is pretty gay,” he said ruefully.
Ryan giggled. “It’s okay. Half of the people at school either think I’m a girl or I’m dating Spencer, and a lot of them probably think both.”
“You’re certainly pretty enough to be a girl,” Brendon said, blushing.
Ryan’s lips curved ever so slightly upwards. “Thanks,” he said. “I think.”
There was a brief uncomfortable pause, and then Brendon asked tentatively, “So, are you?”
Ryan blinked. “Am I what?”
“Dating Spencer.”
Ryan burst out laughing. “No! No, dude, Spencer’s been my best friend since I was like five years old. I love the guy, but not like that!”
“Oh.” Brendon paused. “Do you, ah… have a girlfriend then?”
Ryan shook his head. “Some of the girls at school like me, but… I’m not interested.” Brendon tilted his head and Ryan knew it was now or never. His new friend didn’t seem like the type to freak out about people being gay, but Ryan knew it was never possible to know for sure - unless, of course, he told him. “And there aren’t a lot of guys around here that are my type, if you know what I mean,” he said softly.
Brendon’s eyes grew huge. “Guys?” he whispered.
Ryan bit his lip. “Yeah… is that cool with you?”
“Um, wow, yeah.” Brendon took a deep breath, squeezed his eyes shut and then admitted, “Me too. I mean, I like them too.”
A glint of empathy appeared in Ryan’s eyes. “You do?”
“I do.” Brendon opened his eyes and looked relieved, for some reason. Ryan got the feeling he’d kind of expected a big thunderbolt from heaven to strike him down the second he dared to admit he might be attracted to other guys.
“Dude.” Ryan smiled. “We both like make-up and other guys. We just can’t stand to be normal, can we?”
“Hey,” Brendon replied with a grin, “normal is overrated.”
---
“We both laugh at the most random situations
That’s the key, baby don’t you agree?”
“So guys, what’s a summer league?” Brendon asked at the end of practice the following Monday.
Brent shrugged. “A league of kids from Summerlin,” he said matter-of-factly. “There’s no deep meaning behind it.”
“But why is it a league?” Brendon persisted. “A league of gentlemen? Twenty thousand leagues under the sea?”
Brent looked baffled. “It’s just… I don’t know. It sounds nice. I either got it from a thesaurus or Ryan suggested it - I don’t remember.”
“Hmmm.” Brendon appeared to be thinking very deeply. “So are you guys really committed to that name?”
Brent, Ryan and Spencer exchanged glances. “Um…” Ryan began, then trailed off.
“I’m gonna take that as a no.”
“I don’t know.” Spencer shrugged. “A name is what you make it.”
“Then let’s make it something awesome! ...And let’s make it something else.” Ryan laughed at this, and Brendon persisted, “You guys have a new singer now - make a new start.”
Brent looked dubious, but Ryan tilted his head and nodded slowly. “That’s not a bad idea.”
“You should all stay for dinner so we can come up with ideas,” suggested Spencer, ever the pragmatist.
The three boys accepted, which was how they came to be sprawled on top of the chairs and bed in Spencer’s room several hours later, listening to the ‘Hold On’ album by Name Taken.
“This is such a good song,” Brendon said lazily, lightly resting his head on Ryan’s chest as they listened to ‘Panic’.
“Mmm,” Ryan murmured, thumbing Brendon’s jaw line gently and trying to keep his heart from beating so hard that Brendon would be able to feel it through his shirt.
“Hey, watch the PDA,” Brent warned from Spencer’s armchair.
Brendon blushed, hurriedly shifted away from Ryan to the other side of Spencer’s double bed, and began singing softly, “Panic at the disco, sat back and took it so slow -”
“A-are you-u ner-vous? A-are you-u sha-king?” Ryan sang along as Spencer beat out the rhythm on his desk.
“Save compliments to - that’s IT!” exclaimed Brendon suddenly.
“What?!” Spencer asked, startled. “Dude, you messed up my rhythm!”
“That’s what we should call our band!”
“…Save Compliments To?”
“No! Panic At The Disco!”
Ryan grinned. “Brendon, that’s great.”
“Yeah! Ohmygod, guys, can we put an exclamation mark after the ‘Panic’?”
Brent frowned. “In the middle of the name? Why?”
“Because exclamation marks make everything I say more exciting!” Brendon enthused, bouncing a little on the bed.
Ryan cracked up. Yes, Brendon was most definitely adorable when he was excited.
“What’s funny?” persisted Brent.
“Nothing, it just suits his personality,” explained Ryan. “It suits our personality. I think it’s an awesome name.”
Spencer grinned. “Agreed.”
Brent sighed. “Okay. Okay, yeah, it’s a solid name, I suppose. You both laugh at the most random things, you know that?”
Ryan and Brendon high-fived each other. “Panic! At The Disco, it is!”
---
“You know what I’m going to say before my mouth even makes a sound
And that’s why we make a good you and me.”
Brent had to go home first, because he had a 10pm curfew on weekdays and he lived the furthest away. Ryan and Spencer were two streets apart and had been for as long as they could really remember, and Brendon lived a few streets down from Ryan. As soon as Brent left, Spencer closed his front door and affixed his friends with a Spencer-Patented Serious Look.
“What?” Ryan asked. His angelic face was the picture of innocence.
“You guys, what’s going on?”
“With what?”
Spencer rolled his eyes. “With you know what.”
Ryan looked genuinely bemused. “I. Spencer, really, there isn’t… what do you mean?”
Spencer raised a skeptical eyebrow. “You know what I mean. Listen, I know Brent isn’t comfortable with this stuff but I’m not gonna judge.”
“…Seriously, dude, there’s nothing going on.”
“Yeah, nothing’s going on,” Brendon echoed, not sounding entirely convincing.
Ryan frowned. Maybe Brendon had some kind of an issue with him of which he wasn’t aware. Spencer always was more perceptive than he was. He bit his lip. Maybe it had been too soon to tell Brendon he was gay.
“Alright,” Spencer said finally, after regarding them shrewdly for a few moments and making Ryan feel distinctly uncomfortable. “I just wanted you to know it’d be okay with me. Like, if you two were… you know. Don’t, like, not tell me or anything.”
By this point, Ryan was completely and utterly confused.
“Right.” Brendon nodded, and Ryan was glad at least one of them seemed to know what Spencer was talking about. “Yeah. Um, yeah, I… I should really go. It’s getting late, and I have things, you know, to do. Important things. So, I’m gonna -”
Ryan sprang up from Spencer’s bed, just as eager to escape the conversation. “I’ll see you out.”
They traipsed down the stairs in silence, and it was only when Brendon was literally about to step outside that Ryan thought to break it.
“So that was weird.”
“Yeah.”
“I don’t know what Spencer was talking about.”
Brendon laughed nervously. “Me either.”
For some reason, Ryan didn’t quite believe him. He broke eye contact, and Brendon fiddled with a loose thread on the hem of his shirt.
“Brendon… what’s bothering you?”
Brendon looked up. “What do you mean?”
“You were acting like you knew.”
“Um, well, I had an idea, but I wasn’t sure. And I didn’t wanna start talking about it in case he meant something else.”
Ryan exhaled in frustration and pushed his bangs out of his face. “What did you think he meant?”
“Seriously, you didn’t pick up on it at all?”
“I don’t know… it’s just, he sounded really hurt, like he thought we were keeping something really big from him, you know? Something really outrageous. Like, that we were -”
“Dating, or something,” Brendon finished.
Ryan looked surprised. “Yeah,” he said uncertainly. “Dude, how’d you know what I was going to say?”
Brendon shrugged. “I guess I got that impression from him too.” He shifted his weight awkwardly from one foot to another. “But we’re not, so it’s cool, right?” He didn't wait for an answer. “Listen, I gotta go.”
“I can walk you home if you want?” Ryan asked hopefully.
Brendon shook his head. “It’s fine. See you at school, Ryan.”
Ryan frowned and watched Brendon's retreating back until he disappeared around the corner at the end of Spencer's street. Something was bothering the other boy - he just couldn't figure out what.
--
“I know from the sound of your breathing exactly what you are feeling
This is why we make a good you and me.”
Ryan tried to sleep that night, he really did. He even went to bed early because he had that big bio test first period and he needed a decent grade on it. Generally he was a good student, but he lost marks in bio for mysterious absenteeism every time there was a dissection scheduled. (It made him feel guilty to skip class, but he figured his classmates had already observed more than enough things about him that fit the gay stereotype without adding Fainting at the Sight of Blood to the list.) The trouble was that Ryan simply couldn’t stop thinking about what Spencer had said.
After rolling over for the umpteenth time and smushing his face into his pillow (it had the Fall Out Boy logo on it and was limited to 300, so when he saw it on the internet he just had to have it, had to, never mind the fact that it was $20 for a pillow), Ryan gave up, grabbed his cellphone, and texted Spencer.
dude what did u mean earlier?
He waited. He sighed. He waited some more. Spencer always had his phone on, and there was no way the other boy was asleep already. Spencer was one of those people who never closed his eyes a minute before 4, dragged himself out of bed at 7, slept through most of his classes and still managed to bring home straight A’s. Brent reckoned he learnt by osmosis. Just when Ryan was about to give up, his cellphone vibrated.
u & bdon.
Ryan rolled his eyes. Well, obviously.
thx, genius. what ABOUT us?
Another pause, then:
u <3 each othr.
Ryan frowned. If pushed, he’d admit to a mild crush at best, at best, so saying he dorky-internet-hearted Brendon really was taking it a bit far. He barely even knew the guy, and the fact that he couldn’t stop thinking about how Brendon’s ass looked in the tight jeans the other boy loved to wear actually didn’t mean anything aside from the fact that Ryan was horny and Brendon was hot. Universally hot, not necessarily Ryan’s kind of hot. Although he was also Ryan’s kind of hot, but. Yes. He settled for furiously texting the following:
do NOT.
This time, the reply came almost instantaneously. Spencer Smith, he decided, was a text tease.
methinks thou dost protest too much.
“Great.”
When Spencer started quoting Shakespeare, Ryan knew he was in trouble. He didn’t bother replying; instead he went directly to his contacts and hit “B”. He needed to get to the bottom of this tonight, he decided, otherwise he’d never sleep again.
“H’lo?”
“Brendon?”
“Mmm.”
“Dude, no way were you sleeping.”
“I was doing math homework. I guess I took an unscheduled nap.”
Ryan chuckled. “Well, in that case, I don’t blame you. Uh, so, I need to ask you something. I’m sorry if this is awkward, I just… I need to know.”
“What is it?” Brendon asked, sounding concerned (and decidedly more awake).
“Do you… um…” He trailed off.
Brendon yawned. “Dude. Long silence, sleepy Brendon, bad thing.”
Ryan giggled. Somehow Brendon knew he was just about to get himself incredibly worked up, and defused the situation without even really knowing what it consisted of. The boy, Ryan decided, was exceedingly talented.
“What Spencer said earlier,” he began delicately, “did it bother you?”
“That he thought we were together?”
“…Yeah.”
“Um, not really. Did it bother you?”
Ryan sighed. He didn’t know what to say. The last thing he wanted to do was make things awkward in their friendship, but what if… what if Brendon liked him back?
“Ross, you’re overthinking.”
“How the hell do you know that? All I did was sigh.”
“I can tell,” Brendon said solemnly. “I’m a ninja.”
“I don’t know whether it bothers me or not,” Ryan answered carefully. “It depends.” He could practically hear Brendon pout down the phone line.
It was at this point that Brendon dropped his bombshell. “You like me too, Ryan Ross, I know you do. I talked to Spencer.”
Ryan choked on thin air. “Pardon?!”
“Spencer’s a smart guy,” Brendon said airily. “He knows you. He can read you like a book, my friend.”
Ryan didn’t know what to say. He opened his mouth but no words came out. Half of him thought Brendon was bluffing, half of him wanted to murder Spencer for opening his mouth, half of him was reeling at the fact that Brendon had said “you like me too”, and the other half was despairing because Ryan Ross was comprised of many things but he was not comprised of four halves.
“Spencer IM’d me,” Brendon explained finally. “He was like ‘Here’s a list of all the signs I look for to tell whether Ryan likes someone.’ I read through them and… you giggled, you got quiet around me sometimes, you made eye contact a lot, you cuddled with me, Ryan, and according to Spencer you never cuddle.”
“Spencer never cuddles either,” Ryan huffed, before realizing that was so not the point.
“So not the point, Ross.”
Ryan bit back a chuckle. “So Spencer thinks I like you?”
“Mhm.”
“Does Spencer think you like me?”
There was a brief pause. “Spencer knows I like you.”
Ryan tilted his head. He knew Brendon couldn’t see him, but it was an automatic reaction. “You told him that?” he asked stupidly. He thought Brendon was making it pretty obvious, but he didn’t like to assume.
“I did.”
Ryan could have sworn his heart skipped a beat. “Um. Oh. So, you do?”
“I do.”
“Well, shit,” said Ryan Ross, and put the phone down.
--
“You and me, all that we need is each other
That's why we make a good you and me.”
Two minutes later, Ryan’s cellphone rang. He looked at the display screen, saw that it was Spencer, and groaned.
“Not a good time, man,” was his greeting.
“Yeah, I know. I heard all about it,” Spencer said archly.
Ryan sighed. “You spoke to Brendon?”
“Yeah.”
“Already?”
There was a pause. “Dude, you really upset him. What was he supposed to do - go fix himself a snack, watch ‘American Idol’, and then call me sobbing hysterically?”
Ryan frowned. “He was not.”
“He was,” Spencer confirmed. “What happened, Ry? I thought you liked him.”
Ryan was quiet.
“Ryan?”
“I freaked out.”
Spencer let out a wry bark of a laugh. “Yeah, that much I know.”
Ryan made a face. “I just… what if I mess this up?”
“Uh, why would you?”
“…Because I’ve never had a serious boyfriend before.”
“So?! Do you think he has? He’s a Mormon, Ryan, for fuck’s sake.”
“Hey,” Ryan said defensively, “his family is Mormon - that doesn’t mean he believes in it.”
Spencer rolled his eyes. (Ryan couldn’t see him, but he knew the other boy well enough to sense it. They were best friends, after all.) “Well, of course he doesn’t, Ryan, otherwise he wouldn’t be so interested in dating you.”
Ryan frowned and shifted positions on his bed. “What did he say to you, Spence?”
“He kinda wasn’t saying much of anything. He was just like, hyperventilating.”
Ryan bit his lip as Spencer’s words tugged at his heartstrings. “No, I mean, when he told you he liked me.”
“He didn’t tell me,” Spencer corrected. “I asked.”
“Whatever,” Ryan said snippily. “What did he say?”
There was a brief pause. “…He really likes you, man.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. Like, really. So you need to call him and confess your undying love.”
Ryan sighed. “It’s not that simple, Spence.”
“It really is, Ry. You like him, he likes you. And you need to fucking call him back so I don’t end up on the phone all night comforting him. We actually had to do shit in Chem today so I didn’t get to take my usual nap. I need my beauty sleep, you know.”
“…Dude, beauty sleep? I’m the gay one here.”
“Fucking call him, Ryan.”
“But I don’t know what to say.”
“Well…” Spencer thought for a moment, “how does he make you feel?”
“I don’t know, like I like him?”
“You are the most unromantic person on the planet and you fail at life.”
“Your mom fails at life.”
“Call him, Ryan Ross,” Spencer said with an air of finality, and then hung up.
“Fuck.” Ryan knew there was no way out of it now. Spencer would call Brendon in two minutes just to see if the line was busy, and if it wasn’t, there would be trouble. He rolled his eyes and selected Brendon’s name from the top of his Recent Calls list. The other boy picked up on the first ring.
“Ryan?” Brendon sounded like he’d been crying.
“Hey,” Ryan said gently. “Um, is it too late for me to come over?”
Brendon took a shuddery breath. “Kinda, yeah, but I could say I’m running out to get milk or something.”
“Meet you by the lamppost at the end of your street?”
“Okay.”
“Okay.”
Ryan hung up and let out the breath he’d been holding. He wasn’t entirely sure how that had gone, but he supposed he would find out more when he actually came face-to-face with Brendon. He crossed his fingers, grabbed his Fall Out Boy hoody from the hook on the back of his door, and crept down the staircase.
--
“I’m sorry,” Ryan said ten minutes later as he approached the hunched figure that stood under the lamppost. Brendon looked up at him balefully and sniffled.
“It’s okay. Spencer just thought you liked me back, that’s all - but we can still be friends and everything, right? Like, I don’t wanna make it awkward or anything, I just -”
“Brendon.”
“Yeah?”
“Stop talking.”
“O-okay.”
“I was attracted to you from the first time you walked into Spencer’s garage, you dumbass.”
Brendon’s laugh sounded half shocked and half relieved. “You… were?”
“Yes.”
There was a pause. “…You sure?”
Ryan chuckled. “Yes!”
“Um, okay. Wow, I… wow.” Brendon looked a little shell-shocked, like he could hardly believe what was happening.
“And I’m sorry about earlier, I just, I freaked out.”
“It’s okay,” Brendon said slowly. “It’s okay. It’s weird, I never thought I’d be brave enough to do this, but,” he grinned at Ryan, “now I’m really glad I did.”
Ryan grinned back. “I’m glad I did too. So, um, are your parents going to freak?”
“Only if I tell them,” Brendon replied ruefully.
“I’m really sorry,” Ryan said again, and Brendon shushed him.
“I can’t let them dictate my whole life, Ryan. They don’t even want me to be in Panic!, but I tell them I love it and I’m serious about it, so I guess when they find out about you, I’ll tell them the same thing.”
“Aw. …Wait, you love me?”
Brendon looked him straight in the eye. “I could if you gave me the chance,” he said innocently, then smiled a hopeful smile that Ryan couldn’t help but return.
“So… you and me?”
Brendon nodded. “If you’ll have me.”
“Of course, Brendon. Of course I will.” Ryan held his hand out to Brendon, and Brendon took it firmly and squeezed. “I guess it’s time for us to take a chance.”
“There’s no-one I’d rather take it with than you,” Brendon said seriously, and Ryan kissed him just like that because he couldn’t possibly stop himself.
It was then, with his lips pressed to Brendon’s and his body melting into the other boy’s warm arms that Ryan knew for sure he had done the right thing.
---<---<---@
Author: that_1_incident
Fandom: Panic! at the Disco
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Profanity
Pairing: Ryan Ross/Brendon Urie
Word Count: ~5,000
Summary: "You & me, all that we need is each other/ That's why we make a good you & me..."
Disclaimer: Don't own. Believe me, I wouldn't be on here writing about them if I did.
Author's Notes: Based on 'You & Me' by The Plain White T's.
---<---<---@
“You and me, we like the same kind of music
That's why we make a good you and me.”
“Okay, so there’s this kid Brendon in my math class,” Brent announced one day after school as he, Ryan and Spencer sat crammed into Spencer’s parents’ small garage along with three guitars and a full-sized drum set.
Spencer cocked his head. “Brendon? Dark hair, skinny, really hyperactive?” Brent nodded. “Oh, his locker is next to mine.”
“Really?!” Brent exclaimed. “Dude, that’s awesome!”
Ryan rested his guitar gently against the back wall of the garage. “Why is it awesome?” he asked suspiciously.
“It’s awesome because a) Spencer already knows him, and b) we need a singer and the kid can sing. I got to math class early so I could finish that assignment that was due last Tuesday -”
“Typical Brent,” Spencer interrupted with a grin.
Brent shot him a dirty look and continued. “And this kid was sitting there doing his homework right at the front. I guess he didn’t hear me come in because he was singing this song under his breath as he was working. At first I didn’t really listen to it and I just got out my books and stuff, but he was kinda distracting, so I started really paying attention to the song. Anyway, I realised it was ‘Round Here’, and the kid was seriously singing the shit out of it.”
“‘Round Here’?” Ryan echoed, his eyes lighting up. “Counting Crows?”
“Yup,” Brent said authoritatively. “So then I went up to him and I said ‘Dude, I’m in this band and we could really use a proper singer’ - no offence, Ryan,” he added, looking at his friend guiltily.
Ryan shrugged. “None taken. I’d rather be writing the lyrics than singing them.”
“And then the kid looked at me and was like ‘Uh, what?’ because he was still in the math homework zone, you know? So I was like ‘I heard you singing and I think you have a really great voice’ and he was like ‘Oh yeah?’ and I was like ‘Yeah’.”
Spencer rolled his eyes. “Get to the point, man.”
“And then I gave him Spencer’s address and told him to drop by at five o’clock.”
Spencer’s eyebrows shot up. “Dude!” He checked his watch frantically. “Did it not cross your mind to give us more than fifteen minutes’ notice?! I could’ve asked my mom to like... bake some cookies or something.”
Brent rolled his eyes. “Brendon’s not coming for the cookies, man. He’s coming to meet you guys. And seriously, this kid... this kid is good.”
Ryan frowned. He didn’t like the immediacy of the situation any more than Spencer, but he knew it took a lot to impress Brent so this Brendon guy was probably something really special.
“...Okay,” he said finally. “Okay, um... I guess we should decide what we’re gonna ask him to sing.”
---
It was of course Brendon who ended up deciding what he was going to sing. He waltzed into Spencer’s garage at five minutes past five, belted out ‘Round Here’ and a song Ryan vaguely recognized as being in the Top 40, then cocked an eyebrow at his audience and inquired, “So, what do you think?”
Brent looked smug about his discovery of what was obviously the best set of pipes in the entire high school, Spencer looked stunned and could only manage a faint “Uh, yeah... yeah, that was decent...”, and Ryan was trying to look nonchalant because honestly, if all three of them melted into a puddle on the floor then Brendon was going to think that he had complete control over everybody, and Ryan quite liked having input into the creative process, thank you very much.
It was then that Brendon chose to announce, “Damn, you guys, it’s hot in here” and pulled off his hoody, revealing a Blink 182 T-shirt and slim thighs encased in tight girls’ jeans.
“Whoa,” Ryan breathed, “you like Blink?”
“Love them,” was Brendon’s immediate response. “You?”
“Blink exists,” Ryan answered reverently. “And you like Counting Crows too, right?”
Brendon smiled and nodded. “Yup. Ever since the first time I heard ‘August and Everything After’.”
“Me too!” Ryan exclaimed. “You and me, we like the same kind of music.”
Brendon beamed back at him, eyes sparkling and warm, before Brent broke the moment by standing up and asking, “So, guys, what do you think?”
Spencer nodded slowly. “I think yes.”
“Ryan?”
Ryan managed to tear his gaze away from Brendon’s long enough to make eye contact with Brent and replied firmly, “Definitely yes.”
“Sweet!” Brent stepped forward and held his hand out to Brendon, who took it but looked rather bemused. “Brendon Urie, welcome to the Summer League.”
“That’s it?” Brendon asked incredulously. “I’m in?”
“Hell yeah. Practice is Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, four o’clock, right here in Spencer’s garage. Be here or be queer.”
Brendon bit his lip a little, and then giggled.
---
“We’ve got style, and baby we know how to use it
That's why we make a good you and me”
“So, uh, Ryan...” Brendon began later that evening, sitting cross-legged at the end of Ryan’s bed. Ryan had invited him over for dinner, and he’d sort of ended up staying all evening somehow... not that Ryan minded. Brendon gestured to the make-up box on Ryan’s dresser, and the Polaroids stuck around the circumference of his mirror. Ryan’s face peered out from all of them, adorned with an assortment of trees and birds and abject mystical swirls beautifully accented in pink and gold. “I see you’re an artist.”
Ryan’s face went as red as the blush in his make-up box. “You weren’t supposed to see that,” he muttered, rising to clear the box off the tabletop. Brendon rose too, and placed his hand over Ryan’s wrist.
“Don’t,” he said quietly. “I like it. I think it’s cool.” He fingered a small pot of glittery eyeshadow and grinned. “Pretty sparkles.”
Ryan looked at him askance, his bangs slipping over one eye. “Yeah?”
Brendon nodded. “I... I’d wanna wear eyeliner and stuff too, you know, like you, except my parents would get really upset with me.”
Laughing, Ryan admitted, “My dad’s not exactly thrilled with it either.”
“Is he religious?”
Ryan frowned at the question. “Um, no, he just doesn’t want his son looking like a fag, I guess.”
“Oh.”
Ryan felt like he’d said the wrong thing. “Why? Are your parents religious?”
Brendon nodded again. “Mormons.”
“Ah.” Ryan really had no concrete idea of what a Mormon was, but was afraid to expose his ignorance.
“Latter Day Saints,” Brendon clarified with a smile, as if he’d read Ryan’s mind. “They’re basically, like... well, they follow the Bible and the Book of Mormon, and I don’t know how familiar you are with the Bible but they’re big believers in what it says in Corinthians.” He sighed and then quoted, “Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers -”
“Nor men who practice homosexuality,” Ryan cut in. “I went to Catholic school,” he said by way of explanation.
Brendon looked grateful. “Then you understand?”
“Yeah. But I don’t agree with it,” Ryan said simply.
Brendon was silent for a few moments. “Me either,” he said finally. “But my parents do, and I have to honor them, you know? It’s a Commandment.”
“Yeah,” Ryan said sadly. “I could, uh…” he started tentatively, then trailed off.
“You could what?” Brendon pressed.
“I could make your face like that,” he offered hesitantly, gesturing towards the photos that adorned the frame of his mirror. “You could pick the designs you like, and I could do them for you. Um. If you want.”
Brendon’s eyes lit up. “Really?”
“Yeah.” Ryan smiled. Brendon was adorable when he was excited. “I’d be glad to.”
“Hmmm.” Brendon cautiously approached the mirror and then leaned forward to study the pictures. “You look so pretty in this one,” he remarked absently, then caught himself and blushed. “Handsome, I mean. Handsome.”
“Thanks,” said Ryan quietly.
They lapsed into silence until finally, after a few minutes of intense scrutiny, Brendon said, “I really like the birds.”
“Yeah? That’s my favorite too. What colors do you want them in?”
“Uhh… like… I like the black with the gold outlines, and can you do a background of like… reddish pink? Like a sunset, you know? Kind of like this” (he pointed to a Polaroid) “but with red and pink. If you can do that. Can you do that?”
Ryan laughed. “I can do that. In fact, I love that color combination. You’ve got style, Brendon Urie.”
Brendon smiled.
---
“You and me, we couldn’t stand being normal
That’s why we make a good you and me.”
“You look great,” declared Ryan half an hour later, stepping back to regard his handiwork.
Brendon’s eyes sparkled. “Can I go look at myself in the mirror now?”
“Absolutely.”
“Yay!” Brendon bounded over to the mirror then stopped in his tracks. “Whoa,” he breathed when he beheld his reflection, automatically lifting a hand to his face to touch the masterpiece. Ryan slapped him sharply on the wrist.
“Don’t touch!” he admonished.
Brendon pouted. “But it’s so pretty.”
“It won’t be when you smudge it,” Ryan retorted, then got up enough courage to ask, “Hey, can I take a picture of you? To put next to the other ones?”
“Sure!”
Ryan grinned and pulled out an ancient Polaroid camera from under his bed. “Strike a pose.”
Brendon pouted again, this time much more alluringly.
“Tilt your head to the left a little bit,” Ryan continued. Brendon obliged, and Ryan giggled and exclaimed, “Work it!”
Brendon tossed his head. “I’m a diva!”
‘Flash!’ went Ryan’s camera. He removed the Polaroid picture and waved it around haphazardly, then squinted at it. “This actually came out quite well.”
“You sound surprised,” Brendon commented.
“No, I just, I mean it’s, it’s really nice,” Ryan stuttered. He held out the photo to Brendon. “See?”
Brendon raised his eyebrows in contemplation. “I don’t think I look that gay, really. Well, no gayer than usual. Which, come to think of it, is pretty gay,” he said ruefully.
Ryan giggled. “It’s okay. Half of the people at school either think I’m a girl or I’m dating Spencer, and a lot of them probably think both.”
“You’re certainly pretty enough to be a girl,” Brendon said, blushing.
Ryan’s lips curved ever so slightly upwards. “Thanks,” he said. “I think.”
There was a brief uncomfortable pause, and then Brendon asked tentatively, “So, are you?”
Ryan blinked. “Am I what?”
“Dating Spencer.”
Ryan burst out laughing. “No! No, dude, Spencer’s been my best friend since I was like five years old. I love the guy, but not like that!”
“Oh.” Brendon paused. “Do you, ah… have a girlfriend then?”
Ryan shook his head. “Some of the girls at school like me, but… I’m not interested.” Brendon tilted his head and Ryan knew it was now or never. His new friend didn’t seem like the type to freak out about people being gay, but Ryan knew it was never possible to know for sure - unless, of course, he told him. “And there aren’t a lot of guys around here that are my type, if you know what I mean,” he said softly.
Brendon’s eyes grew huge. “Guys?” he whispered.
Ryan bit his lip. “Yeah… is that cool with you?”
“Um, wow, yeah.” Brendon took a deep breath, squeezed his eyes shut and then admitted, “Me too. I mean, I like them too.”
A glint of empathy appeared in Ryan’s eyes. “You do?”
“I do.” Brendon opened his eyes and looked relieved, for some reason. Ryan got the feeling he’d kind of expected a big thunderbolt from heaven to strike him down the second he dared to admit he might be attracted to other guys.
“Dude.” Ryan smiled. “We both like make-up and other guys. We just can’t stand to be normal, can we?”
“Hey,” Brendon replied with a grin, “normal is overrated.”
---
“We both laugh at the most random situations
That’s the key, baby don’t you agree?”
“So guys, what’s a summer league?” Brendon asked at the end of practice the following Monday.
Brent shrugged. “A league of kids from Summerlin,” he said matter-of-factly. “There’s no deep meaning behind it.”
“But why is it a league?” Brendon persisted. “A league of gentlemen? Twenty thousand leagues under the sea?”
Brent looked baffled. “It’s just… I don’t know. It sounds nice. I either got it from a thesaurus or Ryan suggested it - I don’t remember.”
“Hmmm.” Brendon appeared to be thinking very deeply. “So are you guys really committed to that name?”
Brent, Ryan and Spencer exchanged glances. “Um…” Ryan began, then trailed off.
“I’m gonna take that as a no.”
“I don’t know.” Spencer shrugged. “A name is what you make it.”
“Then let’s make it something awesome! ...And let’s make it something else.” Ryan laughed at this, and Brendon persisted, “You guys have a new singer now - make a new start.”
Brent looked dubious, but Ryan tilted his head and nodded slowly. “That’s not a bad idea.”
“You should all stay for dinner so we can come up with ideas,” suggested Spencer, ever the pragmatist.
The three boys accepted, which was how they came to be sprawled on top of the chairs and bed in Spencer’s room several hours later, listening to the ‘Hold On’ album by Name Taken.
“This is such a good song,” Brendon said lazily, lightly resting his head on Ryan’s chest as they listened to ‘Panic’.
“Mmm,” Ryan murmured, thumbing Brendon’s jaw line gently and trying to keep his heart from beating so hard that Brendon would be able to feel it through his shirt.
“Hey, watch the PDA,” Brent warned from Spencer’s armchair.
Brendon blushed, hurriedly shifted away from Ryan to the other side of Spencer’s double bed, and began singing softly, “Panic at the disco, sat back and took it so slow -”
“A-are you-u ner-vous? A-are you-u sha-king?” Ryan sang along as Spencer beat out the rhythm on his desk.
“Save compliments to - that’s IT!” exclaimed Brendon suddenly.
“What?!” Spencer asked, startled. “Dude, you messed up my rhythm!”
“That’s what we should call our band!”
“…Save Compliments To?”
“No! Panic At The Disco!”
Ryan grinned. “Brendon, that’s great.”
“Yeah! Ohmygod, guys, can we put an exclamation mark after the ‘Panic’?”
Brent frowned. “In the middle of the name? Why?”
“Because exclamation marks make everything I say more exciting!” Brendon enthused, bouncing a little on the bed.
Ryan cracked up. Yes, Brendon was most definitely adorable when he was excited.
“What’s funny?” persisted Brent.
“Nothing, it just suits his personality,” explained Ryan. “It suits our personality. I think it’s an awesome name.”
Spencer grinned. “Agreed.”
Brent sighed. “Okay. Okay, yeah, it’s a solid name, I suppose. You both laugh at the most random things, you know that?”
Ryan and Brendon high-fived each other. “Panic! At The Disco, it is!”
---
“You know what I’m going to say before my mouth even makes a sound
And that’s why we make a good you and me.”
Brent had to go home first, because he had a 10pm curfew on weekdays and he lived the furthest away. Ryan and Spencer were two streets apart and had been for as long as they could really remember, and Brendon lived a few streets down from Ryan. As soon as Brent left, Spencer closed his front door and affixed his friends with a Spencer-Patented Serious Look.
“What?” Ryan asked. His angelic face was the picture of innocence.
“You guys, what’s going on?”
“With what?”
Spencer rolled his eyes. “With you know what.”
Ryan looked genuinely bemused. “I. Spencer, really, there isn’t… what do you mean?”
Spencer raised a skeptical eyebrow. “You know what I mean. Listen, I know Brent isn’t comfortable with this stuff but I’m not gonna judge.”
“…Seriously, dude, there’s nothing going on.”
“Yeah, nothing’s going on,” Brendon echoed, not sounding entirely convincing.
Ryan frowned. Maybe Brendon had some kind of an issue with him of which he wasn’t aware. Spencer always was more perceptive than he was. He bit his lip. Maybe it had been too soon to tell Brendon he was gay.
“Alright,” Spencer said finally, after regarding them shrewdly for a few moments and making Ryan feel distinctly uncomfortable. “I just wanted you to know it’d be okay with me. Like, if you two were… you know. Don’t, like, not tell me or anything.”
By this point, Ryan was completely and utterly confused.
“Right.” Brendon nodded, and Ryan was glad at least one of them seemed to know what Spencer was talking about. “Yeah. Um, yeah, I… I should really go. It’s getting late, and I have things, you know, to do. Important things. So, I’m gonna -”
Ryan sprang up from Spencer’s bed, just as eager to escape the conversation. “I’ll see you out.”
They traipsed down the stairs in silence, and it was only when Brendon was literally about to step outside that Ryan thought to break it.
“So that was weird.”
“Yeah.”
“I don’t know what Spencer was talking about.”
Brendon laughed nervously. “Me either.”
For some reason, Ryan didn’t quite believe him. He broke eye contact, and Brendon fiddled with a loose thread on the hem of his shirt.
“Brendon… what’s bothering you?”
Brendon looked up. “What do you mean?”
“You were acting like you knew.”
“Um, well, I had an idea, but I wasn’t sure. And I didn’t wanna start talking about it in case he meant something else.”
Ryan exhaled in frustration and pushed his bangs out of his face. “What did you think he meant?”
“Seriously, you didn’t pick up on it at all?”
“I don’t know… it’s just, he sounded really hurt, like he thought we were keeping something really big from him, you know? Something really outrageous. Like, that we were -”
“Dating, or something,” Brendon finished.
Ryan looked surprised. “Yeah,” he said uncertainly. “Dude, how’d you know what I was going to say?”
Brendon shrugged. “I guess I got that impression from him too.” He shifted his weight awkwardly from one foot to another. “But we’re not, so it’s cool, right?” He didn't wait for an answer. “Listen, I gotta go.”
“I can walk you home if you want?” Ryan asked hopefully.
Brendon shook his head. “It’s fine. See you at school, Ryan.”
Ryan frowned and watched Brendon's retreating back until he disappeared around the corner at the end of Spencer's street. Something was bothering the other boy - he just couldn't figure out what.
--
“I know from the sound of your breathing exactly what you are feeling
This is why we make a good you and me.”
Ryan tried to sleep that night, he really did. He even went to bed early because he had that big bio test first period and he needed a decent grade on it. Generally he was a good student, but he lost marks in bio for mysterious absenteeism every time there was a dissection scheduled. (It made him feel guilty to skip class, but he figured his classmates had already observed more than enough things about him that fit the gay stereotype without adding Fainting at the Sight of Blood to the list.) The trouble was that Ryan simply couldn’t stop thinking about what Spencer had said.
After rolling over for the umpteenth time and smushing his face into his pillow (it had the Fall Out Boy logo on it and was limited to 300, so when he saw it on the internet he just had to have it, had to, never mind the fact that it was $20 for a pillow), Ryan gave up, grabbed his cellphone, and texted Spencer.
dude what did u mean earlier?
He waited. He sighed. He waited some more. Spencer always had his phone on, and there was no way the other boy was asleep already. Spencer was one of those people who never closed his eyes a minute before 4, dragged himself out of bed at 7, slept through most of his classes and still managed to bring home straight A’s. Brent reckoned he learnt by osmosis. Just when Ryan was about to give up, his cellphone vibrated.
u & bdon.
Ryan rolled his eyes. Well, obviously.
thx, genius. what ABOUT us?
Another pause, then:
u <3 each othr.
Ryan frowned. If pushed, he’d admit to a mild crush at best, at best, so saying he dorky-internet-hearted Brendon really was taking it a bit far. He barely even knew the guy, and the fact that he couldn’t stop thinking about how Brendon’s ass looked in the tight jeans the other boy loved to wear actually didn’t mean anything aside from the fact that Ryan was horny and Brendon was hot. Universally hot, not necessarily Ryan’s kind of hot. Although he was also Ryan’s kind of hot, but. Yes. He settled for furiously texting the following:
do NOT.
This time, the reply came almost instantaneously. Spencer Smith, he decided, was a text tease.
methinks thou dost protest too much.
“Great.”
When Spencer started quoting Shakespeare, Ryan knew he was in trouble. He didn’t bother replying; instead he went directly to his contacts and hit “B”. He needed to get to the bottom of this tonight, he decided, otherwise he’d never sleep again.
“H’lo?”
“Brendon?”
“Mmm.”
“Dude, no way were you sleeping.”
“I was doing math homework. I guess I took an unscheduled nap.”
Ryan chuckled. “Well, in that case, I don’t blame you. Uh, so, I need to ask you something. I’m sorry if this is awkward, I just… I need to know.”
“What is it?” Brendon asked, sounding concerned (and decidedly more awake).
“Do you… um…” He trailed off.
Brendon yawned. “Dude. Long silence, sleepy Brendon, bad thing.”
Ryan giggled. Somehow Brendon knew he was just about to get himself incredibly worked up, and defused the situation without even really knowing what it consisted of. The boy, Ryan decided, was exceedingly talented.
“What Spencer said earlier,” he began delicately, “did it bother you?”
“That he thought we were together?”
“…Yeah.”
“Um, not really. Did it bother you?”
Ryan sighed. He didn’t know what to say. The last thing he wanted to do was make things awkward in their friendship, but what if… what if Brendon liked him back?
“Ross, you’re overthinking.”
“How the hell do you know that? All I did was sigh.”
“I can tell,” Brendon said solemnly. “I’m a ninja.”
“I don’t know whether it bothers me or not,” Ryan answered carefully. “It depends.” He could practically hear Brendon pout down the phone line.
It was at this point that Brendon dropped his bombshell. “You like me too, Ryan Ross, I know you do. I talked to Spencer.”
Ryan choked on thin air. “Pardon?!”
“Spencer’s a smart guy,” Brendon said airily. “He knows you. He can read you like a book, my friend.”
Ryan didn’t know what to say. He opened his mouth but no words came out. Half of him thought Brendon was bluffing, half of him wanted to murder Spencer for opening his mouth, half of him was reeling at the fact that Brendon had said “you like me too”, and the other half was despairing because Ryan Ross was comprised of many things but he was not comprised of four halves.
“Spencer IM’d me,” Brendon explained finally. “He was like ‘Here’s a list of all the signs I look for to tell whether Ryan likes someone.’ I read through them and… you giggled, you got quiet around me sometimes, you made eye contact a lot, you cuddled with me, Ryan, and according to Spencer you never cuddle.”
“Spencer never cuddles either,” Ryan huffed, before realizing that was so not the point.
“So not the point, Ross.”
Ryan bit back a chuckle. “So Spencer thinks I like you?”
“Mhm.”
“Does Spencer think you like me?”
There was a brief pause. “Spencer knows I like you.”
Ryan tilted his head. He knew Brendon couldn’t see him, but it was an automatic reaction. “You told him that?” he asked stupidly. He thought Brendon was making it pretty obvious, but he didn’t like to assume.
“I did.”
Ryan could have sworn his heart skipped a beat. “Um. Oh. So, you do?”
“I do.”
“Well, shit,” said Ryan Ross, and put the phone down.
--
“You and me, all that we need is each other
That's why we make a good you and me.”
Two minutes later, Ryan’s cellphone rang. He looked at the display screen, saw that it was Spencer, and groaned.
“Not a good time, man,” was his greeting.
“Yeah, I know. I heard all about it,” Spencer said archly.
Ryan sighed. “You spoke to Brendon?”
“Yeah.”
“Already?”
There was a pause. “Dude, you really upset him. What was he supposed to do - go fix himself a snack, watch ‘American Idol’, and then call me sobbing hysterically?”
Ryan frowned. “He was not.”
“He was,” Spencer confirmed. “What happened, Ry? I thought you liked him.”
Ryan was quiet.
“Ryan?”
“I freaked out.”
Spencer let out a wry bark of a laugh. “Yeah, that much I know.”
Ryan made a face. “I just… what if I mess this up?”
“Uh, why would you?”
“…Because I’ve never had a serious boyfriend before.”
“So?! Do you think he has? He’s a Mormon, Ryan, for fuck’s sake.”
“Hey,” Ryan said defensively, “his family is Mormon - that doesn’t mean he believes in it.”
Spencer rolled his eyes. (Ryan couldn’t see him, but he knew the other boy well enough to sense it. They were best friends, after all.) “Well, of course he doesn’t, Ryan, otherwise he wouldn’t be so interested in dating you.”
Ryan frowned and shifted positions on his bed. “What did he say to you, Spence?”
“He kinda wasn’t saying much of anything. He was just like, hyperventilating.”
Ryan bit his lip as Spencer’s words tugged at his heartstrings. “No, I mean, when he told you he liked me.”
“He didn’t tell me,” Spencer corrected. “I asked.”
“Whatever,” Ryan said snippily. “What did he say?”
There was a brief pause. “…He really likes you, man.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. Like, really. So you need to call him and confess your undying love.”
Ryan sighed. “It’s not that simple, Spence.”
“It really is, Ry. You like him, he likes you. And you need to fucking call him back so I don’t end up on the phone all night comforting him. We actually had to do shit in Chem today so I didn’t get to take my usual nap. I need my beauty sleep, you know.”
“…Dude, beauty sleep? I’m the gay one here.”
“Fucking call him, Ryan.”
“But I don’t know what to say.”
“Well…” Spencer thought for a moment, “how does he make you feel?”
“I don’t know, like I like him?”
“You are the most unromantic person on the planet and you fail at life.”
“Your mom fails at life.”
“Call him, Ryan Ross,” Spencer said with an air of finality, and then hung up.
“Fuck.” Ryan knew there was no way out of it now. Spencer would call Brendon in two minutes just to see if the line was busy, and if it wasn’t, there would be trouble. He rolled his eyes and selected Brendon’s name from the top of his Recent Calls list. The other boy picked up on the first ring.
“Ryan?” Brendon sounded like he’d been crying.
“Hey,” Ryan said gently. “Um, is it too late for me to come over?”
Brendon took a shuddery breath. “Kinda, yeah, but I could say I’m running out to get milk or something.”
“Meet you by the lamppost at the end of your street?”
“Okay.”
“Okay.”
Ryan hung up and let out the breath he’d been holding. He wasn’t entirely sure how that had gone, but he supposed he would find out more when he actually came face-to-face with Brendon. He crossed his fingers, grabbed his Fall Out Boy hoody from the hook on the back of his door, and crept down the staircase.
--
“I’m sorry,” Ryan said ten minutes later as he approached the hunched figure that stood under the lamppost. Brendon looked up at him balefully and sniffled.
“It’s okay. Spencer just thought you liked me back, that’s all - but we can still be friends and everything, right? Like, I don’t wanna make it awkward or anything, I just -”
“Brendon.”
“Yeah?”
“Stop talking.”
“O-okay.”
“I was attracted to you from the first time you walked into Spencer’s garage, you dumbass.”
Brendon’s laugh sounded half shocked and half relieved. “You… were?”
“Yes.”
There was a pause. “…You sure?”
Ryan chuckled. “Yes!”
“Um, okay. Wow, I… wow.” Brendon looked a little shell-shocked, like he could hardly believe what was happening.
“And I’m sorry about earlier, I just, I freaked out.”
“It’s okay,” Brendon said slowly. “It’s okay. It’s weird, I never thought I’d be brave enough to do this, but,” he grinned at Ryan, “now I’m really glad I did.”
Ryan grinned back. “I’m glad I did too. So, um, are your parents going to freak?”
“Only if I tell them,” Brendon replied ruefully.
“I’m really sorry,” Ryan said again, and Brendon shushed him.
“I can’t let them dictate my whole life, Ryan. They don’t even want me to be in Panic!, but I tell them I love it and I’m serious about it, so I guess when they find out about you, I’ll tell them the same thing.”
“Aw. …Wait, you love me?”
Brendon looked him straight in the eye. “I could if you gave me the chance,” he said innocently, then smiled a hopeful smile that Ryan couldn’t help but return.
“So… you and me?”
Brendon nodded. “If you’ll have me.”
“Of course, Brendon. Of course I will.” Ryan held his hand out to Brendon, and Brendon took it firmly and squeezed. “I guess it’s time for us to take a chance.”
“There’s no-one I’d rather take it with than you,” Brendon said seriously, and Ryan kissed him just like that because he couldn’t possibly stop himself.
It was then, with his lips pressed to Brendon’s and his body melting into the other boy’s warm arms that Ryan knew for sure he had done the right thing.
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