Lunch Thief (1/2)
Title: Lunch Thief
Author: thanku4urlove
Pairing: Takaki/Inoo
Rating: PG
Warnings: Uh... Thievery? There are like 3 curse words I think
Genre: Romance
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Summary: Takaki Yuya is proud of himself. He's finally reached the stage in his adult life where he's cooking and packing his own lunch. But he can't even enjoy it, because someone in the office has started stealing his food... And leaving notes behind. Takaki is determined to catch the thief; it doesn't matter how cute the little notes are.
A/N: LJ IS A BUTT. I tried to post this fic last week all in one part (it's only 7k words bleh) but lj wouldn't let me, and it got too late so I just went to bed. But I need this fic out of my brain. This was the first thing I wrote to get back into JUMP fic after my hiatus. I started it May of 2018, and didn't finish it until like... October? it was so hard to write, which is DUMB, because it's stupid fluff from Takaki's POV. it's right up my alley. but anyway. I'm posting both parts tonight, because I intended this fic to be all one oneshot, so look out for that!
Adorable banner made by the talented ryosukekoibito as always ♡
”...lunch?"
“What?” Takaki asked. Daiki frowned, loosening his tie with one hand and poking Takaki’s forehead with the pen he was holding in the other.
“Lunch. Ryosuke and I are going to that cafe across the street for our lunch break. Do you want to come?”
“No.” Takaki said, a grin spreading across his face as he remembered his own lunch plans, stretching his arms up over his head and leaning back in his chair. Daiki gave him a bit of a look, Yamada walking up.
“Is he coming? I’m already clocked out and we only have an hour.”
“He said no.” Daiki said, Takaki smiling even wider.
“I said no.” He confirmed. Yamada mirrored the frown on Daiki’s face.
“Why is he so happy about it?”
“I made my own lunch last night.” Takaki reported. He knew he was grinning like a child--for completing a child’s task, so he supposed it was oddly fitting--but he’d stayed up late and packed it with care and hell, the food even tasted good.
“Oh! Good for you!” Yamada said, Takaki knowing that between his two friends at the office, Yamada would be the one to support his cooking endeavors. “...we’re going now!”
Not supportive enough to take any time out of his lunch break to talk about it, though. Takaki didn’t blame him. He himself wanted as much time with his homemade salmon fried rice as possible.
Takaki clocked out to eat, a spring in his step as he made his way to the breakroom fridge. He took out his lunch, opening it then and there, too excited to sit down first.
His jaw dropped.
Takaki stormed into the cafe, dragged a chair up to Yamada and Daiki’s intimate two-person table, threw himself down into it, and took a strawberry off Yamada’s plate.
“Hey!” Daiki protested on his boyfriend's behalf, but it was too late, Takaki taking a bite and grinding the fruit between his teeth.
“What happened to that super exciting lunch you had planned?” Yamada asked, moving his own food a little closer to himself protectively.
“Hold on.” Daiki said, before Takaki could answer. He narrowed his eyes, pointing at him. “You gave yourself instant food poisoning.”
“No!” Takaki exclaimed, probably louder than the cafe allowed. “Someone ate it!”
“What?”
“Someone ate it!” He repeated, placing the empty container on the table, nearly squashing the food on Daiki’s plate. Daiki moved his plate quickly from the danger zone. “Someone ate my lunch!"
"Did you put your name on it?"
With a long sigh, Takaki opened the empty container--the painfully, painfully empty container--and pulled out the orange sticky note he'd taped onto the lid that morning. In his handwriting were the words PROPERTY OF TAKAKI YUYA. DO NOT EAT. Under that, in extremely glittery blue ink, was handwriting Takaki didn't recognize.
Sorry, I was just so jealous that I couldn't help myself. ;)
Daiki and Yamada stared at the note for a solid minute, Daiki arching one eyebrow as he looked back in Takaki's direction.
"So... Someone stole your lunch, actually."
"That's what I've been telling you!"
"Do you know who it was?"
"No.” Takaki sighed, crossing his arms. “It had already happened when I went on break."
"It was nice of them to wash the container for you, I guess." Yamada said with an unbothered shrug, Takaki glaring at him. They were not going to talk about how nice his Lunch Thief was.
"My question," he said, feeling dramatic as he closed the lid with a snap, "is why is the thief jealous of me having lunch?"
Now Takaki was being looked at by both of his friends like he was an idiot, and it was a look he was used to, but this time he wasn't quite sure why it was happening.
"What?" He asked them.
"They're not jealous that you have lunch, Takaki. They're jealous of your lunch. 'Property of Takaki Yuya', remember?"
"Oh." Takaki sank a little in his seat, feeling a small blush rising on his face. "Oh."
Takaki had leftovers, so he figured he could let the Lunch Thief slide--he refused to say Secret Admirer, this was a crime, damn it--and simply packed himself lunch again the next day. He seemed to have inspired Daiki and Yamada, the two of them being disgustingly adorable together in the break room over a pile of homemade food when Takaki went on his own lunch break. He stepped past them and opened the fridge, ready to finally eat his fried rice, but when he picked up the container, he frowned. It seemed light. Too light.
“No. No, no, no.” Takaki slammed the container on the counter, wrenching the lid open, his worst fears confirmed. “No!”
Empty. His lunch was gone. Again.
He reached into the container and pulled out the note, which was full of writing in that now-familiar blue and sparkly ink, and began to read.
Hey, hot stuff! That fried rice is good, but do you think you could mix it up for tomorrow? I'm getting bored. Of the food, of course. I'd never get tired of your lovely face.
The note was signed by a clumsily colored-in heart, and Takaki felt his face burning up to his ears. Hot stuff. Lovely face. Who the hell was doing this to him?
“You okay over there?” Yamada asked, and Takaki turned to see Daiki grinning at him.
“Lunch gone again?” He asked.
“Yeah.” Takaki frowned. “How did you know?”
“You yelled 'no’. I made an assumption.”
“Why is this happening to me?” Takaki insisted to know, approaching the break room table with the lunch container that was frighteningly devoid of lunch, sitting down next to Yamada. “Why me? Why my food?”
Yamada reached in, taking the note out and reading it.
“Because someone thinks you're cute, I guess.”
“...yeah.” Takaki tried not to blush. He failed spectacularly. “Whatever that means.”
“Maybe don't bring lunch tomorrow?” Daiki suggested. “If there's no lunch to steal, it won't get stolen.”
That was pretty solid logic, but Takaki shook his head.
“I’ll bring lunch. I'll bring lunch, and I’ll put my name on it, and I’ll put it in the fridge.”
“...why did you just say that like it was a good idea?” Yamada asked him, as Daiki offered up some of his own food for Takaki to eat.
“Because it’ll be a trap.” Takaki answered. “Whoever this is, tomorrow, I'll catch them.”
The plan was pretty simple. It wasn’t really even a plan at all, but Takaki liked thinking about it like it was one, so he did. He brought his clearly labeled lunch and put it in the fridge, then tried to sit at his coworker Yabu Kota’s desk instead of his own so he could have a clear view of the break room traffic flow. When Yaotome, the office supervisor, discovered that they’d switched desks he made them switch back, and Takaki had to resort to getting up every time someone walked in what looked like the direction break room--he really did have a terrible vantage point from his own desk--and awkwardly watch them from around corners. He didn’t want the Lunch Thief to see him, but he had to see them, which made everything rather difficult.
He checked periodically to make sure his food hadn’t disappeared, getting up nearly every half hour as lunchtime approached. Daiki asked him if he actually did have food poisoning or something, and Takaki’s insistence of “no, this is part of my plan” didn’t stop him from guessing which end Takaki’s body was projectiling stuff from every time he got up to “go to the bathroom”. Takaki hissed at him that he wasn’t actually going to the bathroom, which just made Daiki laugh harder.
When it was time for Takaki to eat he could almost taste victory, which coincidentally tasted like the stir fry he had in his lunch today. He clocked out, walked up to the breakroom, stepped to put his foot through the doorway…
...and was immediately stepped in front of by a man in a short sleeve button-up shirt, slightly too small overall shorts, and a strange hat. He was smiling, and despite how dumb the outfit was, the smile was surprisingly genuine.
“Are you Takaki Yuya?” He asked. He looked slightly younger than Takaki himself, but was taller, and Takaki nodded hesitantly.
“You have a singing telegram!” He exclaimed in an already sing-songy voice, and Takaki just stood there, baffled, as the man waxed both poetically and surprisingly upbeat about his eyes, his hair, and other features about himself, some of them things that Takaki hadn’t even really thought about before, like how pointed his cupid’s bow was. Partially because Takaki didn’t know a cupid’s bow was both a mythical weapon and an actual human body part.
Some of the rhymes felt made up on the spot, and the man’s eyes kept shifting around as he sang, and it wasn’t until the singing ended and he bowed and ducked out that Takaki realized nearly ten minutes had passed. He was too busy being embarrassed by the crowd that had gathered around them, fussing at his coworkers to leave him alone and go back to their desks or on their lunch breaks of whatever else it was they were supposed to be doing. He wasn’t anyone’s boss, so naturally his orders were ignored, blatantly disregarded most of all by Daiki.
“This Secret Admirer thing seems a little serious.” He remarked as he and Takaki entered the break room together. “I mean… That was a ten minute song about you. I don’t even think I could sing about Ryosuke for ten minutes.”
He opened the fridge, handing Takaki his lunch before taking out his own.
“No, that’s not true. I could sing about Ryosuke for ten minutes.” Daiki continued in a contemplative voice, as though he were about to start writing lyrics. Aforementioned boyfriend Ryosuke walked in as Daiki was lamenting about finding a word he could use to rhyme with the exact color of Yamada’s eyes, but Takaki wasn’t listening anymore. He wasn’t even aware that Daiki was still talking. He was glaring down at his lunch in frustration. Or rather, glaring at the space his lunch should be. Because the food was gone again. Again again.
Could you pack rice balls or something next time? Something I can just shove in my mouth? Because I have a pretty big mouth, but my poor friend had to just keep making up stuff so I had enough time to eat all of this. It was good though! I do feel bad about leaving you nothing to eat, so that pizza box on the bottom shelf of the fridge is for you.
P.S. - that surveillance attempt was adorable. But I am the master of diversion. (and of having silly friends that will pretend to be a singing telegram on a moment’s notice.)
Signed again with a heart, in that sparkly blue ink.
“Cups or cutlery?”
“...what?” Takaki asked. Daiki was frowning down at a sheet of paper on his desk.
“I’m signing you up to being something for the Valentine’s Day lunch party the company is having at the end of the week. Everyone has to bring something. Do you want to bring cups or cutlery?”
“Is that all that’s left?”
“No. But most of the food options have something to do with chocolate, and I haven’t forgotten about the time you set that candy bar on fire in my microwave, so I’m just thinking ahead and doing the office a favor.”
Takaki frowned back at him, but felt he couldn’t really argue.
“Cups.” He decided, Daiki nodding and writing his name down in the appropriate square. Takaki turned back to answering emails, inspiration striking him roughly fifteen minutes later, the realization making him gasp and jump to his feet.
“Does everyone have to bring something?” He asked. Daiki was staring at him like he had at least two heads. At least. Maybe three heads, with four arms, and a tail.
“What are you talking about?” He asked back. “Why are you standing up?”
“The party. The sign up sheet. Does everyone have to bring something?”
“Are you trying to get out of it? Seriously Takaki, it’s just cups--”
“Just tell me.”
“Yes!” Daiki’s expression went from confused to concerned. “Everybody has to bring something. Are you okay?”
“The blue sparkly ink.” Takaki whispered, rushing off. It took him a good while to find the list, the thing taped to Supervisor Yaotome’s office door. Every space had been filled with characters, meaning every office employee’s name was on the list. The sparkles caught the light, Takaki recognizing the ink before his brain allowed him to realize what name he was reading. And even then, he didn’t understand. He just didn’t understand. In that blue ink were the characters that spelled out Yamada Ryosuke.
“What the hell is this?” Takaki asked, slapping the paper down on top of the stack of papers Yamada was pouring over. Takaki was glad that Yamada’s desk was so far from he and Daiki’s desks; the walk had allowed him to burn off some of his anger, and Daiki wouldn’t hear the confrontation.
Yamada jumped at his voice and sudden appearance, turning quickly to look up at him. Takaki couldn’t believe it. The Lunch Thief couldn’t be Yamada. Yamada wasn’t supposed to be his Secret Admirer; he was supposed to be Daiki’s Sometimes Disgustingly Public Admirer. Hell, Yamada and Daiki were most of the reason Takaki still believed in true love. Takaki didn’t want Yamada calling him “hot stuff”, either genuinely or for a laugh. He didn’t know which was worse.
“It’s the sign up sheet for the Valentine’s Day party.” Yamada said. He both looked and sounded slightly affronted, pointing at the top of the page. “It says so right here. I’ve had my doubts in the past, but… You do know how to read, right?”
“Not that. You. Your name. That ink.” Takaki pointed, to be as specific as possible.
“Yeah?”
“That… That’s the ink the Lunch Thief uses when he leaves me notes. It’s…” Understanding seemed to dawn on Yamada’s face, but Takaki had to finish the question. He had to know. “It’s not you, is it?”
“No.” Yamada said after a long moment, and Takaki let out a breath, clutching at his chest. The relief was greater than he realized it would be. “I’m not taking your food, Takaki. I just found the pen on the floor on my way in this morning. It was a nice color, I thought…”
“Thank god.” Takaki murmured, and Yamada’s gaped at him.
“You thought I liked you? You thought I called you hot stuff?”
“Hey! I didn’t know what to think!” Takaki didn’t want Yamada to like him, but he didn’t want this bruising of his ego, either. “I just saw--and, and I thought--shut up!”
Yamada was still laughing about it when Takaki finally walked away, so embarrassed that he forgot to worry about his lunch, but it still didn’t surprise him when his lunch break came around and the container was light as air. Takaki didn’t even bother opening it, knowing all the food was gone. He just had more of that pizza the Lunch Thief had gotten him the day before.
“Hey…” Daiki did open the container though, looking inside. He pulled a sticky note out. “There’s something written on this.”
“Yeah. That the lunch is my property and that a stranger should stop eating it.” Takaki deadpanned. Daiki shook his head.
“No, no… This looks like a phone number.” Daiki said, sticking the note to Takaki’s arm. Frowning, Takaki wiped his fingers on a paper towel before taking the note and looking at it. Sure enough, it was just a string of numbers, written in dull black ink. He frowned at it.
“Do you really think it’s their phone number?” He asked. No note, no call me ;) or anything else flirty that usually came with the Lunch Thief’s messages. Just a string of numbers.
“It’s the right amount of digits.” Daiki said. “I think you should text them and see what happens.”
“I should?”
“Yeah!” Yamada said. “Maybe you’ll find out who they are. Who they actually, actually are.”
Takaki sent him a glare, getting an overly innocent look from his coworker in return. After a moment of consideration, he folded the note in half and pocketed it.
“You're not texting them?” Daiki asked.
“I'll do it later.” Takaki explained. He was inexplicably nervous, hoping that the feeling would fade by the end of the day.
No such luck. That evening found him sitting on his couch, the note in one hand and a new, empty text message on his phone in the other, trying to think of what to say. Nerves were humming in his chest. He didn't know what to open with, because every variation of Hi my name is Takaki Yuya and I think you're eating my lunch sounded dumb to his ears. Finally, he figured he had to just start with something, anything. He kept it simple.
To: Unknown Number
Lunch Thief?
The response took a couple of minutes.
From: Unknown Number
Thievery? Is that what the kids call flirting these days?
Unbidden, a small smile started on Takaki's lips. It was them; Takaki could tell. This was his Lunch Thief.
To: Unknown Number
It's what they call it when you eat other people's lunches.
From: Unknown Number
What about Secret Admirer? Because I am a bit of a secret, and I am admiring you, Yuya.
Takaki's mouth went a bit dry, licking his lips subconsciously as he read the last text a couple of times. He wasn't hating this, he had to admit.
To: Unknown Number
It really isn't fair that you know my name and I don't know yours.
The response was a bit of a wait this time, and for a moment Takaki was worried he'd scared them off.
From: Unknown Number
It's...better this way. Less weird, trust me.
To: Unknown Number
It's less weird for me to be getting flirty messages from a complete stranger?
From: Unknown Number
We're not strangers. We work in the same building, you know.
Takaki had figured that, sure, but he still filed it away in a small list he was compiling about who this Lunch Thief could be. He was about to attempt crafting a second, slightly prying question when his phone buzzed.
From: Unknown Number
Less weird than you knowing I'm a guy.
Oh. Takaki stared at his phone screen for a couple of moments. While unexpected, somehow, that made sense; Takaki couldn't imagine any of the women in his office writing the flirty notes that the Lunch Thief had left him. He thought for a moment, cycling through a couple of his co-workers in his mind, before realizing in a panic that he hadn't yet texted back. He didn’t want the Lunch Thief to get the wrong idea.
To: Unknown Number
That isn't really a deal breaker for me, actually.
This response also took some time.
From: Unknown Number
Oh. That's good to know.
Glad to hear it.
There wasn’t a response for several minutes, and Takaki figured that the ball was in his court. He got to his feet, pacing his living room.
To: Unknown Number
Well now that I know that much about you, can I know who you are?
From: Unknown Number
Eager, are we? ;)
Takaki bit down on his bottom lip, trying to suppress the grin growing on face as he stilled his walk.
To: Unknown Number
I'm curious! And I don't want to keep you in my phone as “unknown number”
From: Unknown Number
Then just call me something else.
To: Unknown Number
Like what?
From: Unknown Number
Whatever you want ;)
To: Unknown Number
You use the winky face emoji way too much.
From: Unknown Number
;D
Takaki had to take some time to think of a response to that, walking to the kitchen in lieu of his previous pacing. He could pack his lunch, he supposed.
To: Unknown Number
I need to make my lunch for tomorrow. What are you in the mood to eat?
From: Unknown Number
Are you making something for me? My heart just beat so fast <3
To: Unknown Number
I'm not making it for you. I just know you're going to eat it anyway.
The message may have sounded deadpan, but Takaki couldn't keep the smile off his face. He got yet another winking emoji back, and further persistence of the question only gave him the answer of I’ll love anything Yuya cooks, so Takaki made some simple fried rice. He wouldn't have been able to cook anything more complicated than that anyway, too distracted by his cell phone.
They texted each other for hours into the evening, and while Takaki was able to learn more about the personality of this flirty, quirky guy, his identity didn't become any less of a mystery; all attempts to get any information on name or physical appearance were danced around or ignored.
To: Unknown Number
Tell me your hair color, at least. That has to be safe enough.
From: Unknown Number
Fine! Blue.
To: Unknown Number
What?
From: Unknown Number
I'm an alien :P
To: Unknown Number
I don't want to have a crush on an alien :(
From: Unknown Number
My love is out of this world!
Takaki's text and the Lunch Thief's own sent at the same time, and for a moment nothing happened.
From: Unknown Number
A crush on? Am I reading that right?
To: Unknown Number
How are your feelings going to be returned if I don't know what you look like?
There was no response for a long moment, and Takaki was worried he'd said something wrong. He fiddled with his phone as he waited, trying not to get nervous. Then, finally,
From: Alien
It's black, silly. Same as yours. I work in an office building after all.
A black haired guy. Takaki's heart jumped at the clue, just to plummet again. That matched the physical appearance of nearly all of his male coworkers.
To: Alien
You should give me chocolates for Valentine's Day. During the party we're having at work.
From: Alien
Girls give chocolates on Valentine's Day. I'm not a girl.
To: Alien
But guys receive chocolates. And I'm a guy. Plus, it'll help make up for all the times you've stolen my food.
From: Alien
...fine. But I'm warning you now, I've never tried to make chocolates before.
Yes! Takaki couldn't believe that had worked; he truly hadn't expected it to. It was Wednesday night. He was meeting the Lunch Thief on Friday. That was both too soon and too far away all at once.
To: Alien
Just try not to poison me.
From: Alien
;)