Comments | thanatos01: Writing Post 3

thanatos01

Writing Post 3

May 28, 2007 23:39

Title: Extraction Point (Version 2)
Series: Syn_Thetic (Original)
Rating: R (Language and imagery)
Word Count: 2094

( Kage )

writing, syn_thetic, kage

Comments 2

abysmaldream May 29 2007, 07:56:49 UTC

I like it. This isn't a critique persay since I've been thinking about doing this myself.

You could endear some of the minors that are going to end up dying, just a couple of lines about what they might do when the assignment's over, what's going through their head right at that moment. Nothing much, it'd wrench the reader's heart just a bit more, and probably pull us in deeper to this apparent war as we're getting to see the human sides of what's going on.

The nods to Jin-Roh, Gundam, and Eva are pretty cool, I'm sure there's more, but that's all I can pick out at the moment. You just can't go wrong with an adaptation of the Prog-Knife.

>_> I could also probably say a lot more, but I'll save it for later, or the next installment.

thanatos01 May 29 2007, 17:32:56 UTC

Honestly, I've never seen Jin-Roh, so anything there is pure coincidence. XD But the Exo-suits are actually drawn from the Exo-Force Lego line, as are the designs for the Shrikes, which I'll get into later. And yeah, you could see the vibra-knife as a knock off of the Eva Prog Knife, but I was actually thinking of the Vibro-knife from Star Wars when I came up with it.

There's a lot of Ghost in the Shell in there too, what with the cybernetics and tech interfacing.

And I'll consider that, but this is more Kage's story of things, so the focus is going to be more on him than anything.