Through the Darkness Breaks the Light [Prompt Response]
UT Starscream
[Starscream is exploring the wooded areas of the Left Bank of the rivers, west of the settlement. This area is becoming familiar to him. It is not unlike the wooded place in which he once found Swindle. He moves on foot through the trees, under pretense of gathering materials for his personal projects, but truthfully he just needed to get out of the Cave. He understands his Leader also wants some time to himself, yet he is reluctant to travel very far. Tempted as he is to go into the settlement...he will not leave the Cave so little defended. Megatron is strong, physically and mentally, but even the strong can use support now and then, even if they do not admit to need. Two can be stronger together than one alone, if they are able to unite, rather than be at odds. And, they do not even have a door....]
[Starscream comes to a place of denser growth, where even a bulk of his compact size will have trouble moving through the trees and undergrowth, though a smaller being could pass. He could easily fell some trees with his sword, but he does not need so much wood, and there seems no other reason to destroy vegetation. It's not that he prizes trees highly; he's slashed and burned forest before. He just does not see the point right now. Instead he sits down upon a previously fallen trunk and takes out his journal.]
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Dear Journal,
I have to be strong right now. There are others I wish to protect. Even though I know they are strong themselves...I know they can use my help now.
There are different kinds of strength. Physical strength...strength of character or conviction. I know I have both. There are others that are stronger than I, yet this does not change that I possess my own strengths. Actually, it seems to be the case that the strength of my emotion or conviction feeds my physical strength. I know that, when I was feeling angered and betrayed, I backhanded Thrust into a wall with such force that he dented its surface. And when I dueled Galvatron, just before my death, I had the conviction of my beliefs and he was shocked by my resistance. He demanded of me, "Where in the universe did you get all this power?" I know it was surprising to him because he had believed I was "too weak to ever gain [his] respect". There were times when I was weak and lacking conviction, such as when I allowed Sideways to manipulate me into challenging Megatron...and I lost. In our final duel, I allowed Galvatron to run me through...his words were often stronger than his fighting abilities - and he had great physical strength and martial skill. Knowing the words to inspire me or wound me was always one of his strengths.
We cannot truly be wounded, except by those we allow to get close to us.
I was truly loyal to to the cause, I never broke my original vow to Megatron, even though I did join the Autobots for a time. Even to the end, when I saw the only chance for the universe was to see Galvatron unite with Optimus, I was still serving Galvatron, even if he did not see it. He was my Leader, and I was always working to prove myself to my Leader. Even when I was with Optimus, I do not think, in retrospect, I accepted him as my Leader. He was "Optimus", while Megatron - or Galvatron that he became - was, with few notable exceptions, "Sir".
My word was my bond. Unto death he was my Leader. And now, here, I have vowed undying loyalty to another, and so it shall be. My word as my bond.
I came to respect Optimus as a leader, but not truthfully as my Leader. He was someone I was willing to fight alongside. He showed me respect; a level of respect Megatron never showed, and which I had always craved. I found him to have great strength of character; integrity. I may not ultimately have understood or agreed with all Autobot ideals, but I was able to see the value in some, and how teamwork or compassion enabled the Autobots to be stronger as a unit than the Decepticons I knew. In the end, I had faith in Optimus Prime's goals and his vision to unite with Galvatron against their common foe. I trusted also, that when I was gone, he would do whatever could be done to protect the humans.
Even those human children had great strength. They had a kind of emotional...durability that I am not always sure that I have. Though, I know I had the strength to withstand a lot of pain. I do not mean only physical pain, though sometimes a mental or emotional strength can help one cope with physical pain...I mean that there were a lot of intangible wounds over time. Whether it was physical beatings among the Decepticons or the ignominy of being placed in handcuffs among the Autobots, or the dressing down and berating from both camps, or the emotional pain of abandonment and mistrust, I suffered...and I persevered, allowing the struggle to make me stronger!
I know others have this kind of strength, the strength to "endure the unendurable", to allow one's self to suffer dishonor, surrender, violation, or abuse, and just survive. To do that takes a great inner strength and will to live. Sometimes, for me, clinging to a hope of vengeance was all that kept me going. But sometimes, I have learned, vengeance is not the best course, and as much as it seems an Autobot ideal, we have to forgive. It is difficult to know sometimes, whether vengeance or forgiveness is more righteous.
Some wounds seem...unforgivable. The loss of a life, the loss of a freedom, or a choice, or the loss of some potential that now can never be; when the harm is something that cannot be undone...no vengeful act can ever really restore what was lost...and so what then is the purpose of vengeance? In such cases, it may bring only further pain and dishonor. Sometimes, forgiveness is all we can do. And the act of forgiving a great wound or dishonor requires even greater strength.
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[ooc: The title comes from the lyrics for the music selected for the post. Some of the quotes and text come from the Armada episode "Cramp", also some events mentioned took place in "Rebellion", "Regeneration" and "Mars" episodes. "Endure the unendurable" is actually a WWII era quote from Emperor Hirohito on Japan's surrender. Again, the journal entry itself is not know to characters unless they physically obtain the journal and can read Starscream's Cybertronian/Japanese/English gibberish. However, he is physically out in the open, if any characters wish to approach, and he can be asked about the journal writing in general.]
[Starscream is exploring the wooded areas of the Left Bank of the rivers, west of the settlement. This area is becoming familiar to him. It is not unlike the wooded place in which he once found Swindle. He moves on foot through the trees, under pretense of gathering materials for his personal projects, but truthfully he just needed to get out of the Cave. He understands his Leader also wants some time to himself, yet he is reluctant to travel very far. Tempted as he is to go into the settlement...he will not leave the Cave so little defended. Megatron is strong, physically and mentally, but even the strong can use support now and then, even if they do not admit to need. Two can be stronger together than one alone, if they are able to unite, rather than be at odds. And, they do not even have a door....]
[Starscream comes to a place of denser growth, where even a bulk of his compact size will have trouble moving through the trees and undergrowth, though a smaller being could pass. He could easily fell some trees with his sword, but he does not need so much wood, and there seems no other reason to destroy vegetation. It's not that he prizes trees highly; he's slashed and burned forest before. He just does not see the point right now. Instead he sits down upon a previously fallen trunk and takes out his journal.]
--------------------------------------------------
Dear Journal,
I have to be strong right now. There are others I wish to protect. Even though I know they are strong themselves...I know they can use my help now.
There are different kinds of strength. Physical strength...strength of character or conviction. I know I have both. There are others that are stronger than I, yet this does not change that I possess my own strengths. Actually, it seems to be the case that the strength of my emotion or conviction feeds my physical strength. I know that, when I was feeling angered and betrayed, I backhanded Thrust into a wall with such force that he dented its surface. And when I dueled Galvatron, just before my death, I had the conviction of my beliefs and he was shocked by my resistance. He demanded of me, "Where in the universe did you get all this power?" I know it was surprising to him because he had believed I was "too weak to ever gain [his] respect". There were times when I was weak and lacking conviction, such as when I allowed Sideways to manipulate me into challenging Megatron...and I lost. In our final duel, I allowed Galvatron to run me through...his words were often stronger than his fighting abilities - and he had great physical strength and martial skill. Knowing the words to inspire me or wound me was always one of his strengths.
We cannot truly be wounded, except by those we allow to get close to us.
I was truly loyal to to the cause, I never broke my original vow to Megatron, even though I did join the Autobots for a time. Even to the end, when I saw the only chance for the universe was to see Galvatron unite with Optimus, I was still serving Galvatron, even if he did not see it. He was my Leader, and I was always working to prove myself to my Leader. Even when I was with Optimus, I do not think, in retrospect, I accepted him as my Leader. He was "Optimus", while Megatron - or Galvatron that he became - was, with few notable exceptions, "Sir".
My word was my bond. Unto death he was my Leader. And now, here, I have vowed undying loyalty to another, and so it shall be. My word as my bond.
I came to respect Optimus as a leader, but not truthfully as my Leader. He was someone I was willing to fight alongside. He showed me respect; a level of respect Megatron never showed, and which I had always craved. I found him to have great strength of character; integrity. I may not ultimately have understood or agreed with all Autobot ideals, but I was able to see the value in some, and how teamwork or compassion enabled the Autobots to be stronger as a unit than the Decepticons I knew. In the end, I had faith in Optimus Prime's goals and his vision to unite with Galvatron against their common foe. I trusted also, that when I was gone, he would do whatever could be done to protect the humans.
Even those human children had great strength. They had a kind of emotional...durability that I am not always sure that I have. Though, I know I had the strength to withstand a lot of pain. I do not mean only physical pain, though sometimes a mental or emotional strength can help one cope with physical pain...I mean that there were a lot of intangible wounds over time. Whether it was physical beatings among the Decepticons or the ignominy of being placed in handcuffs among the Autobots, or the dressing down and berating from both camps, or the emotional pain of abandonment and mistrust, I suffered...and I persevered, allowing the struggle to make me stronger!
I know others have this kind of strength, the strength to "endure the unendurable", to allow one's self to suffer dishonor, surrender, violation, or abuse, and just survive. To do that takes a great inner strength and will to live. Sometimes, for me, clinging to a hope of vengeance was all that kept me going. But sometimes, I have learned, vengeance is not the best course, and as much as it seems an Autobot ideal, we have to forgive. It is difficult to know sometimes, whether vengeance or forgiveness is more righteous.
Some wounds seem...unforgivable. The loss of a life, the loss of a freedom, or a choice, or the loss of some potential that now can never be; when the harm is something that cannot be undone...no vengeful act can ever really restore what was lost...and so what then is the purpose of vengeance? In such cases, it may bring only further pain and dishonor. Sometimes, forgiveness is all we can do. And the act of forgiving a great wound or dishonor requires even greater strength.
--------------------------------------------------
[ooc: The title comes from the lyrics for the music selected for the post. Some of the quotes and text come from the Armada episode "Cramp", also some events mentioned took place in "Rebellion", "Regeneration" and "Mars" episodes. "Endure the unendurable" is actually a WWII era quote from Emperor Hirohito on Japan's surrender. Again, the journal entry itself is not know to characters unless they physically obtain the journal and can read Starscream's Cybertronian/Japanese/English gibberish. However, he is physically out in the open, if any characters wish to approach, and he can be asked about the journal writing in general.]