Tales, Ch. 4
The Doctor was being dragged along a marble floor when he woke up. He scanned up his leg, where the Huntsman had him by the ankle, and was pulling him toward a large, elegantly domed room.
“Your Majesty!” the Huntsman called out cheerfully.
“What? Oh? Oh!” the Queen replied as she realized what he was doing.
She descended from her throne and stood in front of the Huntsman, just out of the Doctor’s view. He tried to crane his head, but the pain was killing him, and he gave up weakly. He was still fading in and out of consciousness.
“What’s all this, then?” the woman croaked moodily. “Already got one of those stuffed bear carpets.”
“A spy caught deep in the forest,” the Huntsman lied. “I knew I should bring him forth immediately…and seek my reward.”
“A spy for what?” the Queen asked in a nonplussed tone. “Everyone knows I keep no secrets in my court. Who’re you spyin’ for?” she taunted the prostrate Time Lord. “The Daily Mirror Mirror?”
The Queen laughed riotously at her own joke while the Huntsman tightened his grip on the Doctor’s ankle.
“Your Majesty,” he said in a pinched voice, “this man could be in the service of the witch, or worse, enemies from abroad. You should dispose of him immediately. You know I only think of your well being.”
“Right,” the Queen said dryly. “Very well Huntsman. Guards, see that the man is rewarded for his good service. As ever. And Huntsman?”
The villain dropped the Doctor’s ankle and bowed.
“Majesty?”
“Have you found my friend’s daughter yet?” she asked with concern. “She’s already been missing for several days. I worry so, after what happened to the other missing girls. Hearts cut out... Who could do such a terrible thing?”
The Huntsman smiled viciously. “I swear I will find her first, my Lady.”
He bowed and left the room just as the guards were descending upon the Doctor.
“Wait!” the Doctor protested weakly. “Let me speak my peace to the Queen! Please!”
“I’m right here!” the Queen said brusquely as she stood over him, her red hair framing her face. “Don’t have to talk about me like I’m in the third person!”
“Donna!” the Doctor shouted joyously.
He was on his feet before he knew what had happened, hugging her for all he was worth.
“Oh Donna!” he cried. “I’ve missed you so much!”
He added a tender kiss to her forehead.
The Guards reacted immediately and had the ends of fifty spade-shaped spears pointed at his chest in a second, but the Queen didn’t look very concerned.
“Oi!” she shouted at them as the Doctor swooned and fell over. “I don’t think this one’s a threat. A bit bonkers, but little else. You alright there space boy?”
“I always liked that nickname,” he whispered before he passed out again.
--
The Doctor woke up in a cozy room, with a long quilt pulled up over his chest. Slowly, everything came back to him, and he nearly jumped for joy, but someone was there restraining him.
“Don’t think you should be tryin’ that,” a woman said soberly.
“Jackie Tyler!” the Doctor cried. “I never thought I’d be saying this, but it is good to see you!”
“Have you had a great fall?” the woman admonished. “I’m Mrs. Potts. I’m just here to do your washing up. Now take off that shirt.”
She eyed the Doctor’s peasant blouse hungrily, and the Doctor gasped in horror.
“I never! Absolutely not!” he protested.
“Oh come on, nothin’ I haven’t seen before,” she insisted.
The Doctor was engaged in a battle with Jackie's hands when the Queen waltzed in with her entourage.
“Are you feeling any better, dear?” she asked sincerely.
The Doctor nodded his head vigorously. “Yeah, quite! Perfect! Don’t even need a wash! Thank you ANYWAYS Mrs. Potts!”
The Queen laid a hand on the woman’s shoulder and squeezed gently.
“It’s alright Mrs. Potts, you should really be resting anyways. I’ll call you if anything is needed.”
The copy of Jackie Tyler looked disappointed, but acquiesced with a shrug.
“Not my type anyways,” she muttered as she left the room.
Donna sighed as she seated herself in Jackie's place.
“Poor Mrs. Potts,” she said sadly. “Ever since her daughter went missing she’s been a complete wreck.”
“Her daughter?” the Doctor nearly shouted.
“Rose Red,” the Queen supplied. “I’ve sent the Huntsman to find her. Hopefully he will before something terrible happens. All the others gone missing have ended up murdered…or worse.”
“Rose Red!” the Doctor cheered. “That’s brilliant! But no, wait! The Huntsman! You can’t send him after her!”
“Oh, he’s not that bad,” the Queen countered. “A little rough around the edges. A bit off. Wouldn’t trust him alone in a room, that’s for sure. Creepy, really…”
“Will you listen to yourself?” the Doctor sputtered. “Obviously you sense there’s something wrong with him, and you’re right! I have no doubt in my mind he’s the killer you’ve been so worried about. Instead of protecting people, you’re sending him out there to do the massacring! And now Rose’s life is on the line!”
The Queen only appeared to be half-listening as she smoothed out her red and black checkered dress.
“You know her then?” she asked happily. “Lovely girl! So talented. I’d kill for her looks.”
“You will kill her though, if you send the Huntsman after her! Please promise me you’ll rescind that order and get him behind bars! He’s a madman!”
“Oh,” Donna smiled eerily. “But we’re all quite mad here…"
She stared in his eyes hollowly before abruptly shouting, "Pig! This issue is making me anxious!”
A servant scuttled out of the Queen’s retinue and handed her a fat baby pig, which she immediately cuddled in her lap.
“There, that’s better,” she said as she snuggled it into her cheek. “Nothing like a pig to soothe a worried mind. Now tell me what brings you here, stranger?”
The Doctor’s jaw dropped as a sinking feeling took hold in his chest.
“You’re not just any queen,” he said slowly. “You’re the Queen of Hearts.”
“Guilty!” Donna cried happily. “You’ve heard of me? I’m a bit of a celebrity around here for my annual hedgehog polo game. And because I’m the Queen. But who are you?”
She leaned forward on one hand to signal her interest, and the Doctor could do little else but play along.
“I’m the Doctor,” he replied. “And I want to find Rose Red, before it’s too late. Do you have any idea where she went off to?”
Donna frowned sadly.
“She was on her way to her grandmother’s house. Such a sweet girl... But you don’t want to go out into those woods alone again. There are dangerous things out there, lurking about. You should take some of my knights with you.”
“Great!” the Doctor replied. “Why don’t I? Where are they at?”
“They should be down in the dining room,” the Queen responded. “This is about the time they take their tea.”
As the Doctor followed the Queen and her retinue across the castle, he couldn't help but reflect upon all he had learned thus far. Donna was the Queen of Hearts from Caroll's Alice in Wonderland, but was friends with Mrs. Potts from Disney's Beauty and the Beast. She had employed the Huntsman from Snow White, but Snow White was actually Rose Red, and apparently on her way to grandmother's house as in Little Red Riding Hood. It was as if all the stories were getting mixed up.
He glanced down at his book, what he was coming to think of as his guide, and saw that each of these stories had been added as separate chapters. Each unfinished, each unconnected. It didn't make any sense!
The Doctor halted suddenly when he realized they had come to a massive hall, filled end to end with one enormously long table. On the surface, there were hundreds of varying cups and saucers, plates of biscuits and treats, and napkins of every color and decoration. Only three people were sitting at the far end as the party approached.
Donna went first and stopped just short of the little group.
“Doctor,” she said with a flourish, “meet my Knights!”
The Doctor couldn’t have been more surprised to see his tenth incarnation sitting happily between Martha Jones and River Song. Of course, none of them were quite how he remembered them. Ten was half-hidden beneath an enormous top hat of multiple colors, while his brown hair stuck out wildly at the sides. Martha was sporting a pair of tiny mouse ears, and apparently bored out of her mind, as she was dozing against the back of her velvet chair and drooling on her self a little. River looked the closest to normal out of any of them, but had on a slightly naughty yellow dress under a starched white apron. She rolled her eyes as if to comment on her present company.
“A doctor you say!” Ten cheered. “Thank the stars! I’ve the most outrageous malady! Well, not me, my Dormouse actually. Do you know she won’t take any jam, no matter how much I spread on her nose? Do you think she’ll survive?”
“Hatter!” Donna chastised, “Give him some room!”
The Hatter had climbed up over the table and was holding the Doctor within an inch of his face, but let go in an instant at the Queen’s command.
“It’s okay,” the Doctor placated. “I don’t think he’s far off from normal actually. So, you’re trying to feed her by rubbing jam all over her face? Perhaps that’s why she’s so enervated.”
He could hardly help the smile forming around his lips as the Hatter looked on in shock.
“So THAT’S the matter!” the former Doctor cried joyfully.
“Please, don’t encourage him,” River pleaded as she rubbed her temples. “That’s all I need is for him to get started-“
The tenth incarnation of the Doctor started jumping up and down in his chair. “That’s the matter! That’s the matter! Let’s have a toast to our new friend, the brilliant, dashing Doctor!”
The Hatter yanked a cup of tea off the table and splashed it all over River, who sighed morosely.
“Oh! No tea in this cup!” the Hatter decried. “EVERYBODY MOOOOOVE DOWN!”
His bellow filled the empty room and reverberated off of the walls, while everyone was forced to hold their ears in response. His eyes darted madly around the room as he waited for the guests to comply.
“Do as he says!” the Queen cried, suddenly terrified.
The party moved quickly, except for Martha of course. The Doctor picked her up in his arms and carried her to where the group had re-congregated about halfway down the table. As he set her on a purple chair, he caught River whispering to the Queen in desperation.
“You CAN’T keep me here! Please! He’s driving me insane!”
Donna chuckled and patted River’s hand. “Listen Goldilocks,” she said pleasantly, “you’ll stay here until your time’s been served. You killed those bears in the woods last Spring…”
“But it was self-defense!” River cried. “They were going to EAT me!”
“As I was saying,” the Queen retorted, “you killed those bears after a clear-cut case of breaking and entering, not to mention stealing AND squatting in their home! The punishment fits the crime!”
“What? Babysitting these morons?” River retorted.
The Queen furrowed her brow defensively. “See here! These are my finest knights!”
River turned her head back to the lunacy taking place at the table. The Hatter had finally coaxed the Dormouse awake and was attempting to feet her jam through a loopy straw.
“After you get better I’ll take you in my magic box and we’ll go see the stars,” he was jabbering. “Won’t that be nice? I’ll sing that song you like. Oooh-wee-ooooh…”
River’s face revealed her disgust as she snapped her attention back to the Queen.
“Actually,” the Doctor cut in. “I might need someone with street smarts like Goldi here on my adventure. We might run into rough company out in the forest. Do you think you might spare her for just a little while?”
Donna wrinkled her nose. “I don’t know. Who would I get to watch this lot?”
The Doctor bit his tongue before holding one finger aloft.
“How about Mrs. Potts?” he suggested. “I have a feeling she really likes tea…”
After a short negotiation, the Doctor found himself leading River out of the room by her elbow.
“I can’t thank you enough for springing me from the slammer,” she said gratefully. “Another few days of that and I was going to turn into one of them! But I should warn you, I can be quite a handful.”
The Doctor raised one eyebrow and pursed his lips.
“Oh believe me, I know. Which is exactly why I’m not letting you out of my sight. But I meant what I said back there. I need your help, if you’re willing to give it.”
“I’m willing to give whatever you need, sweetie,” River purred before straightening up and becoming serious once more. “And besides, you couldn’t ask for a better guide. I’m serious business. Trained, dedicated, and deadly. I’ll protect you.”
“I’m counting on it,” the Doctor replied.
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