The Vices, Chapter 6
Rose shoved a box of frames and albums under the bed with a huff. She knew she shouldn’t be angry, but she could hardly help it. The Doctor had just demanded that she rid the TARDIS of all Mickey paraphanalia because it would cause more problems for him during his trial with envy. As she swept over her room once more, she realized that it wasn’t the actual task that was making her upset, but rather, the way the Doctor got out of explaining himself.
He had admitted that he was jealous of Mickey because he used to be with Rose, but it’s not like he said anything about wanting to be with her himself. The Doctor just threw it out there and then ignored it, like he always did when things got complicated. It ticked Rose off.
She threw on her pajamas and settled huffily under her soft covers, before throwing the top half of the duvet completely over her face. She didn’t even want to think about it anymore. Willing herself patiently to forget it, she soon fell into a deep, ‘stupid alien git’-free state of rest.
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Rose woke up several hours later and stretched lazily under her covers. She loved waking up before her alarm clock went off, because it meant she got to go back to sleep. She threw the covers off to readjust her position, and nearly screamed when an unexpected shape was found at the bottom of her bed.
“Morning,” the Doctor said intensely.
Rose pushed her hair out of her face and gaped at him. “What are you doing in here?” she demanded, nervously flicking her eyes around to assure that Mickey’s face wasn’t looming from a forgotten corner.
“I just wanted to watch you sleep,” he said. “You twitch a lot when you’re dreaming.”
“Do I?” Rose said, uncomfortable under his scrutiny.
The Doctor pushed up to a sitting position and scooted closer to her. “You talk a lot in your sleep too,” he assessed.
“Oh?” Rose said nervously. “What kind of things do I say?”
The Doctor’s eyes narrowed as he observed her carefully. “Names,” he answered. “People’s names. You said Jack’s name, for example.”
“Jack?” Rose asked cheerfully.
The Doctor shot her a hateful look and Rose blanched.
She had forgotten herself for a moment. The Doctor was in an agitated state of envy, after all. She’d need to tread carefully.
“Oh I remember now,” Rose covered smoothly, “You lobbed him in the face.”
The Doctor broke out into a wide grin. “Did I?” he asked.
“Yes, he’d just asked me to dance and you could tell I didn’t want to. So, you creamed him. I was very impressed,” she lied.
“Hehehe,” the Doctor cackled. He pushed closer to Rose at the same time and she felt her heartbeat begin to race. “He shouldn’t have tampered with what wasn’t his,” the Doctor commented.
Rose could feel his breath on her shoulder. It was making her dizzy, and a little scared. He never acted like this.
One of his hands began to trail through her hair possessively.
“I bet Mickey never used to do this,” he stated boldly.
Rose froze. “You mean play with my hair?” she asked.
“Yeah,” the Doctor said, pulling a little tightly at the roots.
Rose squirmed pleasurably under his touch. “Nope. He didn’t,” she lied.
“I bet he didn’t used to this either,” the Doctor continued. He traced one hand down from the top of her head and over her face, her neck, and the center of her chest, not stopping until he reached her navel. He continued to pull at her hair with his other hand.
Rose shuddered at his touch. “He did not,” Rose said. “Not like that.”
“Not like that,” the Doctor said coldly. “How did he do it?”
Bugger. Rose bit her lip. “He was always really clumsy,” Rose answered truthfully this time. “You’re…practiced.”
“Oh yes,” the Doctor said lightly, his previously ruffled feathers smoothed once more. “900 years worth of practice.”
Rose flinched at the thought and frowned. “So you’ve been around have you? Fluffing girls’ hair and the like?”
She flounced from the bed and made toward the bathroom. How was it that the sin of envy was affecting her? It wasn’t supposed to do that.
The Doctor laughed at her as she strode importantly away.
“I didn’t mean like that,” he said evenly, “but I’ve lived a little. Not like since I’ve met you though.”
Rose hesitated outside the entry to the bathroom and turned back around. “What do you mean?” she asked.
The Doctor smoothed out the sheets she had left behind. “I mean since I met you…I’ve felt…almost too alive. Easily more than I have in the last four hundred years. I never thought I’d find someone like you.”
Rose felt lightheaded. Maybe she needed some breakfast. “Oh,” she managed to get out.
The Doctor’s face fell at her response. “You don’t feel the same?” he asked, a scowl playing around his lips.
“I feel…I feel…” Rose stuttered. “Oh god. Maybe I should get a shower.”
She ran into the room and slammed the door before he could respond. She shook her head at her own reflection in the mirror. She should not engage in this topic of conversation when the Doctor was under the influence. She noted the bright red blush going across her cheeks and tried to snap out of it. This wasn’t fair to him or her if she pressed the issue. Better to distract from the subject altogether.
Rose flipped on the hot water in the shower and stepped under the pounding stream gratefully. She needed to keep her wits about her. Even if the Doctor was saying real things…things that made her want to kiss him…she also needed to bear in mind how jealous he was acting. Any little thing she said could put him off. She wondered how bad it could get if he got really upset, but pushed that thought away as she stepped out of the shower and towel-dried her hair. She’d deal with it if it came to that.
Outside of the bathroom, the Doctor was staring intently at the closed door. He wondered what Rose was thinking about, and seethed that she hadn’t bothered to answer his question. A mean scowl overcame him and he crossed his arms tightly over his chest. Suddenly, he saw the shadowy outline of a woman creeping across the room in a seafoam-colored dress.
“Invidia!” he breathed in surprise.
The goddess smiled wickedly at him and walked closer to a set of drawers that housed Rose’s clothing. She slowly opened the bottom one and pointed obviously toward the back of the drawer. With a wink and a cold laugh, she disappeared.
Rose threw on a jersey shirt and soft jeans before stepping back into her room, freezing as she locked eyes with the Doctor over the cover of a book. He was reading her diary!
“Oi!” she bellowed angrily. “That’s private!”
The Doctor smirked as he flipped to the next page, and Rose descended upon him in a fit.
“Give it back!” she cried, but the Doctor whooped giddily and jumped over the other side of her bed.
“Dear diary,” he read aloud, “Today I convinced the Doctor to allow Adam Mitchell to come with us on the TARDIS. He’s a proper genius and really good looking to boot.”
The Doctor was so stunned that Rose was able to retrieve her property easily. He went quiet for a moment before whirling upon her in a fit of rage.
“I knew you fancied Adam!” the Doctor spat accusatively.
Rose held the diary up like a shield. “That was ages ago!” she cried defensively. “What’s your problem?”
The Doctor cornered her by the door and pressed her back into the wall.
“What’s my problem?” he shouted. “My problem is that you tricked me into taking that complete ASS onto MY ship just so that YOU could get a date!”
His eyes were dancing angrily as he pressed against her chest. “Did you sleep with him?” he demanded.
Rose let her mouth drop open in horror. “What? No! That’s none of your business! No!”
The Doctor stepped backward and let her move a little, feeling satisfied with himself.
“Good,” he followed up hastily, before raising his voice to a roar. “Because nobody else can have you! You are MINE Rose Tyler! And I will DESTROY anyone who EVER looks at you, even thinks about you, ever again!”
Rose was trembling now, and felt a tear sliding down her cheek. “Please stop,” Rose begged.
Rose began to cry in earnest as she slid down the wall and landed on the floor. The Doctor stared at her, his own reaction starting to turn from jealous rage into serious misgivings.
“Rose?” he said gently, after a few minutes had passed.
She sniffed loudly from behind her sleeve.
“Rose please,” he started. “I’m sorry. I don’t want you to cry.”
Rose kept her face hidden under her hands and shook her head silently.
“You don’t have to be with me if you don’t want,” the Doctor tried again. “I…I’ll take you home right now. If that’s what you want. I just… I just want you to be happy.”
The Doctor said his last sentence like a revelation, and Rose peeked out from behind her fingers. He stared at her with such overwhelming emotion in his eyes that Rose nearly started crying again.
“Is it over?” she asked meekly.
“It’s over. It’s over,” the Doctor repeated as he picked her up in his arms. He carried her back over to her bed and laid her down carefully. She squeezed tightly to him, refusing to let go until she got the last few hiccups of crying out of her system.
“I am so, so sorry,” the Doctor whispered. “That was horrible. I was horrible.”
Rose dug her fingers into his arms and kept him scant centimeters away from her body. “It wasn’t you,” she answered.
“But it was,” the Doctor said in amazement. “Those were all the things I really feel, or that I have felt. That’s what I am underneath all of my control. I’m a monster!”
Rose sat up and silenced him with one look. “Underneath it all, we all want too much and in the wrong way,” she told him gravely. “The thing that keeps us from being monsters is what we truly want for others when all of our passions and desires are tempered. You knew deep down that what you really wanted for me was to be happy, even if it wasn’t with you. That’s not a monster. That’s love.”
The Doctor looked at her like she was a miracle, and she smiled back at him through her tears. “And you did that one all without me,” she added.
“No I didn’t,” the Doctor answered. “I always come through because of you. Always.”
He reaffirmed his hold on her body and pulled her close, wanting nothing more than to feel her there next to him, for as long as she would allow it.
(Next Chapter)