Borrowed Words, Act II, Scene III (6/7)
The Doctor hadn’t heard Rose return, as he was too distracted by the despair of his own tortured thoughts. He was lying on the floor in the library when it struck him that he was completely and utterly lost without Rose. He couldn’t allow Christian to steal her away, not without revealing the truth and letting Rose make an educated decision. That might be the only chance he had at winning her back, now that he’d created this disastrous situation.
The Doctor jumped up and slammed the door as he exited the library, too caught up in his plan of action to notice. He stormed through the TARDIS and was out the front door before he even realized that he had no idea how to find Christian. He turned in a concentrated circle before spotting a lush green park across the way, and decided that he may as well start there. Rose had said something the previous night about riding in a carriage with the Baron, and what better place to do that?
The Doctor stepped brusquely across the lane and into the tree-shadowed grounds of the tidy park. Many couples were walking arm in arm, while others were feeding ducks in a bright green pond. The Doctor swallowed when he imagined that Rose and Christian could be among them, and how he might act if he met them together instead of separately. He bowed his head, hoping that wouldn’t be the case.
As it turned out, he need not have feared because he found the Baron walking alone and looking quite defeated. The Doctor waved to him from afar, and the young Frenchmen bounded over.
“I was afraid you had gone!” Christian admitted.
“What do you mean?” the Doctor asked. “Is Rose not here?”
The Doctor turned around as if expecting to see her in the distance.
“She was,” Christian said begrudgingly. “We were going for a ride in my carriage but her heart wasn’t in it. She told me she wanted to go home. I’m afraid I said something stupid.”
“What was said?” the Doctor asked, folding his arms.
Christian lowered his eyes while he explained. “I was shocked when she told me she’d not had other suitors. I said I’d just assumed that you cared for her, and it was an indelicate thing to say.”
The Doctor nodded but was bewildered. “She said as much?” he asked.
“No,” Christian remarked. “She would not speak on the subject, as if she were hiding something from me and I know not what. You have not told her your feelings, have you?”
The Doctor uncrossed his arms and took a step back. “I have not,” he said. “But I wonder if I should.”
“I would be a fool to stand between you if that is what she wants. I’ve revealed my feelings for her, through a note I offered this morning. She’s almost certainly read it by now, and if so, she knows that I love her. But my worst fears are confirmed! I have told her; she loves you.”
“That can’t be so,” the Doctor said with a startled voice, only beginning to hope. “She loves you…” The Doctor clenched and unclenched his fists at his sides, willing himself to believe his own words.
“If that were true, then why isn’t she standing here right now?” Christian challenged. He turned his back on the Doctor, visibly shaken with emotion. “If I am right, and I know now that I am… She never loved me. She never even knew me! I was just a ghost, a mouthpiece for your words and emotions. What she loved in me was you all along. Can’t you see that?”
The Doctor bit his lip uncharacteristically. He didn’t want to say either way how that made him feel, not only to spare Christian’s feelings, but also his own in case he was mistaken.
The Baron rounded on him, however, and what the Doctor saw in his face was something that twisted in men who love deeply and lose much.
“I have known you brilliant,” Christian said accusingly. “I’ve known you a magnificent poet! But I’ve also known you a coward and a fool! You betray your own heart for a better cause only imaginary in nature! If you stand here and tell me Rose loves you not, then I will know you a liar as well!”
The Doctor felt his heart clench at the same time that a storm of anger also approached. No man had ever dared to speak to him this way, for a reason. The Doctor’s eyes grew dangerously dark and Christian flinched but held his ground.
“Prove me wrong!” Christian yelled, throwing his gloves on the ground.
The Doctor watched the brown leather hit the dusty brown path. He couldn’t miss the signification of the gesture. Christian was challenging him one of two duels, and it was his own choice which battle he fought. Stay here, and fight Christian, who was willing to jepordize his own life on the belief that Rose loved him better, or go to the TARDIS and face his inner fears, to fight with himself for the woman he loved more than anything.
Christian was visibly seething when the Doctor reached out a staying hand to rest on the Baron’s shoulder. Christian accepted it but didn’t move.
“I will,” the Doctor said with difficulty. “I will!” he repeated to himself. He turned around and started to run as fast as he could, faster than he had even run before.
Christian crumpled to the ground when the Doctor retreated. He picked up his gloves and held them to his face until he could put his emotions under control. He knew he had done the right thing, and for him, that was the end of his most difficult internal struggle. He could only hope the Doctor and Rose would find the happiness that they so truly deserved.
(Next Chapter)