"“That’s not fair. You were antagonizing her, and she did apologizes.”
Drop the "s" off the last apologize.
"Ed came out of the bathroom with his toothbrush in his mouth ans shrugged."
ans = and?
I think you tried really hard here, but I feel that they're a little out of character. Most of that can probably be attributed to the AU* factor, but I just can't see Ed and Roy being out in the open about the relationship unless you've fudged the ages a bit, as well as their Colonel/Enlistee relationship.
Ed is beautifully fussy and his temper is well illustrated, although I think Roy is a little too nice, and Ed's character when he's not angry seems a little off.
You picked a good choice for the topic, and the accidental short-reference is really good.
Probably should have explained the AU better. Roy works in the pentagon, 34ish, the age gap is still there, but Ed isn't in the army. I think he's some sort of computer geek and does some private contracting with the NSA or something like that.
But your right the end doesn't sit right. I was just trying to give it an ending before my time ran out.
Comments 14
Poor Roy's parents. I'm sure Ed's not going to be any kind of fun.
Reply
glad you liked it
Reply
Drop the "s" off the last apologize.
"Ed came out of the bathroom with his toothbrush in his mouth ans shrugged."
ans = and?
I think you tried really hard here, but I feel that they're a little out of character. Most of that can probably be attributed to the AU* factor, but I just can't see Ed and Roy being out in the open about the relationship unless you've fudged the ages a bit, as well as their Colonel/Enlistee relationship.
Ed is beautifully fussy and his temper is well illustrated, although I think Roy is a little too nice, and Ed's character when he's not angry seems a little off.
You picked a good choice for the topic, and the accidental short-reference is really good.
Reply
Probably should have explained the AU better.
Roy works in the pentagon, 34ish, the age gap is still there, but Ed isn't in the army. I think he's some sort of computer geek and does some private contracting with the NSA or something like that.
But your right the end doesn't sit right. I was just trying to give it an ending before my time ran out.
Reply
Leave a comment