Lost Girl FIC: Only the Lonely and the Lost
Title: Only the Lonely and the Lost
Rating: PG -13
Fandom: Lost Girl
Pairing: Bo/Lauren
Word Count: 4,300
Disclaimer: I own nothing but a Honda Civic. The characters below belong to Showcase blah, blah, blah. Don’t sue me.
Synopsis: Aftermath of Episode 8: Vexed
Spoilers: Everything up to Episode 8
The sound of the lab doors being kicked open jarred Lauren out of her daze. She had spent the better part of the last hour trying to focus on the sample under the microscope. In that time she struggled to keep her attention to her task at hand, finding herself spending more time staring off into the distance than actually analyzing the specimen. When the sound of the doors pierced the eerie silence of the vacant lab, she turned her attention to the door and found Kenzi frantically trying to pull Bo toward a gurney. Lauren immediately ran to the smaller woman’s side and helped lift the limp body of the succubus onto the nearest bed. Right away she saw that Bo’s eyes were lifeless and rolling up into her head.
“What happened?” Lauren asked as she placed her fingers against Bo’s throat to check her pulse.
“What always happens! She fights something that goes ‘bump in the night’ and ends up in some kind of bloody mess!”
“Where was she hurt?”
“The creature from the lagoon went all stabby on her chest. It didn’t look like the puncture wounds went all that deep, but, she’s all zoned out so something is definitely not kosher.”
Lauren pulled the brunette’s blouse open and inspected the two symmetrical wounds at the center of her chest. Their design was familiar. “Did the Fae have little spikes on the bottom of its palms, like little cones?”
“Totes on the cones.”
“Purple eyes, with really big floppy ears?”
“Those were ears! I thought they were poorly placed wings!”
“Kenzi, focus!”
“Yeah, yeah. Affirmative to all that.”
Lauren sighed with relief and walked over to one of the cabinets to retrieve a vial. “She’ll be fine then. I need to get an IV in her with an anti-toxin. She should be better by morning.”
“You sure?” Kenzi questioned as she stroked her friends forehead. She figured she would be used to this by now, seeing her friend in some kind of physical danger, but she wasn’t.
“Yes. Bo must have stumbled on the property of a Grachnin. They’re generally non-violent Fae.” Lauren swiped Bo’s forearm with an alcohol swab and inserted the IV into her vein.
Kenzi, never a fan of needles, cringed as she watched the sharp end pierce her friend’s skin. “Yeah, that’s exactly the impression I got as it was non-violently impaling its hands on Bo’s chest. But you’re totally right I’m sure, he was probably just trying to cop a feel.”
“I said ‘generally.’ They’re also extremely territorial. Most Fae know not to enter grounds without permission.”
“Damn Fae and all their fine print regulations! They’ve got more rules than a Dungeon and Dragons instruction manual! Don’t you guys have a beginner’s handbook, like ‘It’s a Fae Life for Dummies’ or something?”
“We’re working on a Wikipedia page.”
“Seriously?” Kenzi drew her head back in surprise.
“No, Kenzi.”
“Huh, score one for the Doctor. I didn’t think you actually had a sense of humor. So is there anything I can do to help.”
“She’s going to be passed out for the rest of the night, most likely. I can keep watch on her and let you know when she’s ready to go home. You may want to catch up with Dyson and let him know what happened. He can arrange a meeting with the Grachnin once Bo’s awake.”
“A little less stabby of a meeting this time?”
“Yes. They only attacked Bo because she approached them without permission. If she needs to speak with them they’ll meet with her as long as she follows the proper etiquette.”
“Etiquette? This thing has spikes on its palms, a serious case of halitosis, and it’s concerned about etiquette?”
“Etiquette is not a universal standard, Kenzi, it’s defined by each culture. What seems foreign to you and me is quite natural to others.”
“Well, I’m sure there are some things that cross all borders, Fae and human and everything in-between. Like, don’t fuck over your friends, literally and figuratively. That’s generally a pretty big no-no in most cultures wouldn’t you say, Doc?”
Kenzi hadn’t planned on bringing up that subject. The most that she got out of Bo was that Lauren had slept with her with ulterior motives. When she learned that she struggled against a very strong impulse to bust into the Doctor’s pristinely organized lab and trash it, just knock the hell out of the blonde’s perfect world order. She didn’t though. Bo made her promise to stay out it, so she did. But standing in front of the other woman at that moment, and being talked down to about ‘etiquette’ was just too much. Someone had to wipe that satisfied smirk off her face and Kenzi was just the gal for the job.
“She told you?” Lauren replied in voice just above a whisper. She had to whisper. If she spoke any louder she knew her voice would’ve cracked. Some time had passed since that night with Bo. The other woman had avoided her at all costs and Lauren didn’t dare attempt to contact her. She didn’t know what to say. Every time she tried to come up with an explanation her mind was accosted by the image of the brunette with tears in her eyes after she learned of Lauren’s deceit and the memory paralyzed her with regret.
“Not everything, but enough to know that you’re an ass. A big one. Huge.” Kenzi replied.
“I only wanted to stop her from getting hurt.”
“Well your aim sucks because you did the exact opposite. You hurt her real bad and it’s not the kind of hurt that she can sex away.”
“What she was going to do was suicide! I couldn’t let her go after him. She’s determined to find her mother, no matter what the cost, and she wouldn’t listen to reason.”
“And the only way you could stop her was to throw your lady lumps at her?”
“It’s not that simple, Kenzi!”
“Actually it is that simple. Because that’s what you did. You know how hard her life has been. She spent a long time thinking she was a monster and then you come along and tell her she’s not a monster, she’s a beautiful creature and that her powers are a gift, not a curse, blah, blah, blah, and just when she finally starts to believe it, you take all that trust and you shit all over it.” Kenzi walked over to Bo and pulled the sheet bundled at the end of the bed over her friend’s body. She leaned down and kissed Bo’s forehead, before heading to the door to leave. Before she passed through them she turned back toward the doctor to finish what she needed to say.
“You know, Dyson may have been who she went to when she wanted to come to terms with what she is, but you’re who she went to when she wanted to be proud of it. She let you touch her, really touch her. You should’ve known better, Lauren.”
Once the doors slammed shut, the doctor hung her head in shame.
------------------------------------------------
“Where-what’s-”
The sound of Bo’s voice pulled Lauren out of her slumber. She had been watching over the brunette for most of the night and ended up nodding off to the sound of her steady heart beat on the monitor. Now awake, she stood up on her stiff legs to address Bo and check her vitals. “Hey…you’re going to feel pretty weak, so just relax. Once the anti-toxin works through your system completely, your strength will come back.”
“What happened? Where’s Kenzi? Is she okay?!?” Bo eyes immediately scanned the room looking for her best friend. Not finding her standing watch, or in one of the other beds, she started to panic as the memory of when she last saw her played out in her mind. They’d been in the middle of a dense forest when some weird creature came out of the dark and started screeching. Bo barely even had a chance to reach for her dagger before the thing had jammed something into her chest and her world faded to black.
“Take it easy! Kenzi’s fine and probably enjoying the comforts of a warm shower and a soft bed right about now. She brought you in earlier, but I sent her home. Told her it would be a while before you were conscious. You were attacked by a Grachnin.”
“By a what-now?”
“Grachnin. They have territorial issues. Kenzi’s tracking down Dyson to get him to arrange a meeting for you. They’re actually quite pleasant if you meet them by invitation.”
“Really, I’m tingling with anticipation over a second meeting…ugh more like itching. What the hell?” Now that she was fully awake and her senses were back to normal she became overwhelmed with a burning sensation on her chest. She started to peel back the bandage to investigate what was causing the uncomfortable feeling.
Lauren, noticing her confusion, explained, “Actually that’s from where the Grachin inserted his venom. Fortunately it wasn’t deep enough to do any serious damage, but, you’ve got to keep it covered to avoid infection.” Without thinking, the Doctor reached out and placed her hand on Bo’s chest to prevent her from continuing to pull back the adhesive. The contact sent a jolt of electricity through her hand and up her arm. She looked into Bo’s eyes and could see that the other woman was sensing her unease. She quickly wiped the skin around the adhesive with a cotton swab and then drew back her hand before continuing, “It’s going to flare up every now and then, but, try not to touch it too much, it will only make it harder to heal.”
Bo noticed how the other woman flushed when her hand grazed the exposed skin near her wound. It reminded her of the last time she had seen the woman’s skin flush, under very different circumstances. The memory stirred the anger she had been burying since that night and caused it to percolate into forefront of her mind. There wasn’t any holding back now. As the other woman walked over to the sink to wash her hands, Bo called out, “There’s a quicker way for me to heal than with oversized Band-Aids. I’m surprised you didn’t try that or do you only offer those services when you’re ordered to?”
Lauren steadied herself by bracing her hands on both sides of the sink as Bo’s words sunk in. She knew this was coming, she knew she deserved it, but, it still hurt to hear it.
“What, truth hurts?” Bo prodded, finding Lauren’s catatonic response infuriating.
Lauren took a deep breath and forced back the tears that were pooling in her eyes before turning to face the other woman to respond. “Yes. It does.”
“Not nearly as much as it hurt me, I’m sure.”
“Bo…”
Lauren’s unresponsiveness to her baiting only frustrated Bo more. “Screw this. I can lie down and do nothing just as much at my place.” Bo started to get up and as she threw her legs over the side of the bed she was overcome with nausea.
“Bo! Stop!” Lauren ran toward the other woman to thwart her exit. She could see that Bo wasn’t prepared for how weak the toxin had made her body as she struggled to maintain balance.
“Get out of my way, Lauren.” Bo commanded as she smacked away the doctors attempt to steady her.
“You want to curse at me, lash out at me, fine! But, you’re not leaving this room. The anti-toxin isn’t finished and you’re too weak.”
“Trying to keep me in bed again? That didn’t work last time, you need to learn some new tricks.”
“Dammit Bo, don’t put your life in jeopardy just to spite me. There are people who care about you, who need you to be safe. Just because you don’t believe I’m one of them doesn’t make that statement any less true.
Bo leaned back against the edge of the bed for support. As much as she wanted to run out of the lab, she barely had enough energy to grimace at the woman in front of her, but she didn’t want to have to listen to anymore of Lauren’s pleas either. They sounded too earnest, too sincere and that only enraged Bo more. As she looked at Lauren, as she tried to see past the resignation her eyes, she was barraged by the memory of the doctor’s skin under her hands, the sound of her breath as it hitched and released, and the softness of her lips. She shook her head to rid herself of the memory, only to find herself focusing on the necklace at Lauren’s neck. It only brought up more memories, and rather than make her wistful, it only bolstered her resentment.
“I see your collar is back in place. Did they give you a treat for being such a good pet?”
“I don’t know why you are being cruel; I know you don’t enjoy it.”
“You know exactly why I’m doing it!”
“Because you think I betrayed you.”
“No, because I know you did. Do you have any idea what that night meant to me? I can’t even count the number of lovers I’ve had, but that night, with you, I never felt so naked, so wonderfully exposed in my whole life…and when I left you, I never felt so dirty.”
Bo had wanted to avoid this, to avoid admitting how much Lauren had hurt her. But the other woman’s stoic response to her barbs only seemed to unnerve Bo more, unearthing all her feelings of grief and regret that she had tried to mask with rage. “How do you do it, Lauren? How do you look in the mirror every day?”
Lauren looked down at the floor, before lifting her head to meet Bo’s stare. She answered in a tone that was both assured and broken. "Quickly."
The icy tone of Lauren’s voice sent a chill down Bo’s spine. She shook her head in disbelief, and wondered what it would take for this woman to show some sign of emotion. “That’s all you have to say?”
“What do you want, Bo? A fight?”
“I want to understand how I thought you had anything other than ice water running through your veins?”
“You think I did what I did because I’m just some cold bitch? Some lap dog to the Ash who gets a kick out of doing his bidding?” Lauren’s voice finally broke from its even tone and elevated to a pitch that reflected a change in her disposition.
“You said it.” Bo replied, satisfied that her words finally seemed to hit their mark.
Lauren, feeling a swell of indignation rise within her, opened her mouth to offer an equally cutting retort. But as quickly as the feeling came, it subsided just as fast, and a feeling of resignation took its place. There was no point in defending herself. The damage was done and no amount of talking would relieve them of their situation. “Sounds like you have it all figured out then, Bo, but I’m still your Doctor, icy veins and all, and I’m telling you that you need to rest. However, if being here is just going to get you aggravated and add even more stress to your already fragile body and mind, then I’ll call Kenzi to come pick you up. Maybe she can convince you to take care of yourself.” Lauren started to walk toward her work station. When she picked up her cell phone, Bo called out to her.
“Have you ever fought for anything, Lauren? Did you ever just stand up and say ‘no’?”
Lauren stiffened at that question and turned away from the brunette so that her back was toward her. She placed the phone back down on the desk and squeezed the back of the chair as the weight of that question finally settled on her.
“I did. Once.”
With those words Bo could finally see it, that part of Lauren that the other woman had tried so hard to conceal. Even though the blonde’s back was straight and stiff, Bo could see that a weight was bearing down on her. In retrospect Bo realized that it had been there from when they first met, but, it was only in that very moment that she recognized it for the first time.
“I don’t know you at all, do I, Lauren? Not even a little bit.”
Bo’s voice was soft and delicate, almost childlike, and it reminded Lauren of how the other woman sounded when she had asked her if their night together had been a ‘diversion.’ She didn’t give her a proper explanation then, not like she deserved. It was time to say everything that had been left unsaid. She turned and faced the brunette, wanting her next words to be said while she was looking directly into Bo’s eyes.
“He told me to come to you that night, the Ash. He told me stop you from trying to find Vex, that I should seduce you, if necessary. He said Vex was too strong for you to take, that he would kill you and that was all I could think about. He ordered me, but I went to your place because, more than anything, I didn’t want to lose you. So I called you to meet up, but I never intended to sleep with you. I just thought we could talk and it would delay you for a while. And then you spoke about wanting to be free, about wanting a normal life with normal choices and it took everything in me to stop myself from crying because I understand that more than you know, Bo. Then you asked me who would want to live a life with you and you said it so casually, but I knew the pain that was behind those words and it broke my heart. I didn’t know what to say to make it right, and I didn’t have the strength to hold back anymore, so I reached for you and I kissed you because it was all I could do. In that moment there was nothing else, no one else, but you and me. What happened between us wasn’t because of the Ash, I swear.”
Lauren crossed the room to stand in front of Bo again. She looked into the other woman’s eyes and could see the anger receding, only to be replaced by confusion.
“You ripped this from my neck,” She reached up to capture the necklace between her fingers before continuing, “like it was made of straw, but I wear it every day and it pulls me down like there’s a boulder hanging from it. Every day I feel the weight of it and I’m reminded of what I am. But ever since I met you, whenever I’m near you, it doesn’t feel so heavy anymore. I know I hurt you and I’m so sorry for that, but everything you felt from me was real. Everything.”
Bo tried to ignore the honesty in the other woman’s eyes and in her words, but she couldn’t. Lauren wasn’t lying, she could see that much. She looked down at the necklace and thought about all that it represented. “Trick told me what that necklace meant, that you’re basically a slave. Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Because then you would look at me and that’s all you would see.”
With those words, and as she witnessed tears start to fall down Lauren's cheeks, Bo felt the last of her anger melt away.
“Why does he own you?”
“I have a debt and it’s not something that has expiration date.”
“What is it?”
“I can’t say. That’s part of the debt.”
“Lauren we won’t get past this if we can’t trust each other.”
“There’s nothing to get past. You’re an anathema to the Fae until you chose a side. I’m a slave, beholden to the Ash. Nothing is going to change that, Bo.” Lauren turned to walk away from Bo, unable to look her in the eyes after speaking her last words. Before she could get far, her movement was arrested by the brunettes grip on her wrist.
“Wait a second, let me get my head around this, because the irony is a bit too much. Did you just dump me?” Bo released the hold on the other woman’s and emphasized her question by pointing back and forth between herself and Lauren as if she were speaking to someone with limited cognitive reasoning.
“Bo...”
“No, don’t ‘Bo’ me, okay. First you’re my doctor, then you’re my friend, then you’re all Tony Robbins, changing my life by helping me control these powers that I thought were a curse, and then you touch me, in a way no one has ever touched me, then you rip my heart out and stomp on it, only to tell me that you did that because of how much you care about me and now you’re saying that none of that other stuff counts for shit anymore because it’s easier to just walk away?”
“There isn’t a damn thing about my life that’s easy!” Lauren stepped closer to Bo, her brow furrowed with indignation, and hands balled into fists as she struggled to contain her anger.
“Well then why are you so afraid to try for something more.”
“Because I know better.”
Bo hung her head in frustration. She knew that feeling, the loss of hope that comes after trying so hard to make a better life, only to find yourself coming up against the same brick wall with every step forward you try to take. Once her powers manifested, once she recognized the consequence, she was convinced that she would be alone for the rest of her life. Unable to speak of her burden to anyone, with no hope of controlling it, she was convinced that her life had reached a dead end. Then she met Kenzi, she met Dyson and Trick, and she met Lauren. Everything changed then and Lauren was the one who made her believe that a new life was possible. Lauren hurt her, but she could see now that the Doctor did so out of fear, not malice. The blonde had been living in a cage for so long, that she was more afraid of the foreign hand offering to lead her out, than of the familiar hand that held her at the neck and barely let her breathe.
“Lauren, I’m still trying to understand everything that happened. I don’t know if I should be mad at you or not or just plain confused. And, actually, I think it’s a really douchey move that you just went and fell on your sword before even giving me a good chance to bitch at you for what you did to me. I mean, hello, wronged party here! But despite the bevy of emotions swirling in my anti-toxin filled brain right now, I know enough to know that I don’t want to call a time of death on this thing between us, whatever it is. Do you?” Bo reached out to take the other woman’s hands into her own. Lauren closed her eyes at the contact, reveling in the show of affection she was certain she would never know again.
“He doesn’t know what I feel for you, Bo, but he’ll figure it out soon, and when he does, he’ll use that for his benefit. I can’t protect you from him.”
“You’re giving him too much credit and not giving me nearly enough. I refused to choose a side of the Fae and still neither has come after me for it, not really. That tells me two things: one, I have something they want, and, two, they’re afraid of trying to take it from me. I don’t know what it is about me that makes me different, but the fact that everyone seems so dead against me finding out what it is tells me that it certainly isn’t something that they’re happy about. I have something they want and that gives me power. I won’t be pushed around like a piece on a chessboard and I won’t let you be treated like that either. I’m gonna figure this out, and this…” Bo pulled on Lauren’s necklace, “this weight on your neck, you’re gonna throw it right back in the Ash’s face once I do. But I need to know that you’re with me, I need to know that you’re ready to let go of this.”
“It’s been so long...”
“You were someone before he put his mark on you. You’re still that someone. That never changed.”
Lauren looked at the woman in front of her. The certainty in Bo’s eyes was undeniable and she felt her heart constrict at the sight of it there. Tears pooled in her eyes again, only this time she knew they didn’t stem from regret. She knew things would have to be different, that she would need to put her faith in Bo above her fear of the Ash, and she was ready to do it. “Will you remind me of that if I start to act ‘douchey’again?”
“I promise to call you out on all your douchey behavior whenever it rears its ugly head. Cross my heart.”
“You enjoyed that a little too much.” Lauren let out a chuckle, reveling in the levity of the moment.
“Oh, I assure you, it was just the right amount.”
“You’re right. I had that coming, all things considered.”
“In spades. So, Doc, I could use a little pick me up. Got anything for me?” Bo reached out to pull Lauren closer to her, resting her hands on the other woman’s shoulders, finding comfort in thier closeness, as well as some much needed physical support for her weakened body.
“Did you have something particular in mind?” Lauren smiled as she leaned forward to rest her forehead against the brunettes, and her hands at her waist.
Bo offered a wily smile as a reply, before leaning in to press her lips against Lauren’s. The sensation that erupted from the simple touch was both invigorating and dismantling for the succubus. Lauren reciprocated, closing the already scant space between them by wrapping her arms around Bo’s waist in an embrace. She reveled in the feel of brunette’s lips against her own, emitting a moan of pleasure as she attempted to inhale a breath of air. The feeling was one that both women had struggled to forget during their time apart. Now that it had returned, Lauren felt a part of herself resurrected, revived and ready to reclaim her dignity from those who would have her peddle it for their benefit.
Bo, concerned that her weakened state might also weaken her control, reluctantly pulled back before her desire put them both in jeopardy. Reaching up, she traced the other woman’s lips with her fingertips, reveling in the closeness she thought she had lost.
“I’m gonna need a prescription of that.”
~Finis~
Rating: PG -13
Fandom: Lost Girl
Pairing: Bo/Lauren
Word Count: 4,300
Disclaimer: I own nothing but a Honda Civic. The characters below belong to Showcase blah, blah, blah. Don’t sue me.
Synopsis: Aftermath of Episode 8: Vexed
Spoilers: Everything up to Episode 8
The sound of the lab doors being kicked open jarred Lauren out of her daze. She had spent the better part of the last hour trying to focus on the sample under the microscope. In that time she struggled to keep her attention to her task at hand, finding herself spending more time staring off into the distance than actually analyzing the specimen. When the sound of the doors pierced the eerie silence of the vacant lab, she turned her attention to the door and found Kenzi frantically trying to pull Bo toward a gurney. Lauren immediately ran to the smaller woman’s side and helped lift the limp body of the succubus onto the nearest bed. Right away she saw that Bo’s eyes were lifeless and rolling up into her head.
“What happened?” Lauren asked as she placed her fingers against Bo’s throat to check her pulse.
“What always happens! She fights something that goes ‘bump in the night’ and ends up in some kind of bloody mess!”
“Where was she hurt?”
“The creature from the lagoon went all stabby on her chest. It didn’t look like the puncture wounds went all that deep, but, she’s all zoned out so something is definitely not kosher.”
Lauren pulled the brunette’s blouse open and inspected the two symmetrical wounds at the center of her chest. Their design was familiar. “Did the Fae have little spikes on the bottom of its palms, like little cones?”
“Totes on the cones.”
“Purple eyes, with really big floppy ears?”
“Those were ears! I thought they were poorly placed wings!”
“Kenzi, focus!”
“Yeah, yeah. Affirmative to all that.”
Lauren sighed with relief and walked over to one of the cabinets to retrieve a vial. “She’ll be fine then. I need to get an IV in her with an anti-toxin. She should be better by morning.”
“You sure?” Kenzi questioned as she stroked her friends forehead. She figured she would be used to this by now, seeing her friend in some kind of physical danger, but she wasn’t.
“Yes. Bo must have stumbled on the property of a Grachnin. They’re generally non-violent Fae.” Lauren swiped Bo’s forearm with an alcohol swab and inserted the IV into her vein.
Kenzi, never a fan of needles, cringed as she watched the sharp end pierce her friend’s skin. “Yeah, that’s exactly the impression I got as it was non-violently impaling its hands on Bo’s chest. But you’re totally right I’m sure, he was probably just trying to cop a feel.”
“I said ‘generally.’ They’re also extremely territorial. Most Fae know not to enter grounds without permission.”
“Damn Fae and all their fine print regulations! They’ve got more rules than a Dungeon and Dragons instruction manual! Don’t you guys have a beginner’s handbook, like ‘It’s a Fae Life for Dummies’ or something?”
“We’re working on a Wikipedia page.”
“Seriously?” Kenzi drew her head back in surprise.
“No, Kenzi.”
“Huh, score one for the Doctor. I didn’t think you actually had a sense of humor. So is there anything I can do to help.”
“She’s going to be passed out for the rest of the night, most likely. I can keep watch on her and let you know when she’s ready to go home. You may want to catch up with Dyson and let him know what happened. He can arrange a meeting with the Grachnin once Bo’s awake.”
“A little less stabby of a meeting this time?”
“Yes. They only attacked Bo because she approached them without permission. If she needs to speak with them they’ll meet with her as long as she follows the proper etiquette.”
“Etiquette? This thing has spikes on its palms, a serious case of halitosis, and it’s concerned about etiquette?”
“Etiquette is not a universal standard, Kenzi, it’s defined by each culture. What seems foreign to you and me is quite natural to others.”
“Well, I’m sure there are some things that cross all borders, Fae and human and everything in-between. Like, don’t fuck over your friends, literally and figuratively. That’s generally a pretty big no-no in most cultures wouldn’t you say, Doc?”
Kenzi hadn’t planned on bringing up that subject. The most that she got out of Bo was that Lauren had slept with her with ulterior motives. When she learned that she struggled against a very strong impulse to bust into the Doctor’s pristinely organized lab and trash it, just knock the hell out of the blonde’s perfect world order. She didn’t though. Bo made her promise to stay out it, so she did. But standing in front of the other woman at that moment, and being talked down to about ‘etiquette’ was just too much. Someone had to wipe that satisfied smirk off her face and Kenzi was just the gal for the job.
“She told you?” Lauren replied in voice just above a whisper. She had to whisper. If she spoke any louder she knew her voice would’ve cracked. Some time had passed since that night with Bo. The other woman had avoided her at all costs and Lauren didn’t dare attempt to contact her. She didn’t know what to say. Every time she tried to come up with an explanation her mind was accosted by the image of the brunette with tears in her eyes after she learned of Lauren’s deceit and the memory paralyzed her with regret.
“Not everything, but enough to know that you’re an ass. A big one. Huge.” Kenzi replied.
“I only wanted to stop her from getting hurt.”
“Well your aim sucks because you did the exact opposite. You hurt her real bad and it’s not the kind of hurt that she can sex away.”
“What she was going to do was suicide! I couldn’t let her go after him. She’s determined to find her mother, no matter what the cost, and she wouldn’t listen to reason.”
“And the only way you could stop her was to throw your lady lumps at her?”
“It’s not that simple, Kenzi!”
“Actually it is that simple. Because that’s what you did. You know how hard her life has been. She spent a long time thinking she was a monster and then you come along and tell her she’s not a monster, she’s a beautiful creature and that her powers are a gift, not a curse, blah, blah, blah, and just when she finally starts to believe it, you take all that trust and you shit all over it.” Kenzi walked over to Bo and pulled the sheet bundled at the end of the bed over her friend’s body. She leaned down and kissed Bo’s forehead, before heading to the door to leave. Before she passed through them she turned back toward the doctor to finish what she needed to say.
“You know, Dyson may have been who she went to when she wanted to come to terms with what she is, but you’re who she went to when she wanted to be proud of it. She let you touch her, really touch her. You should’ve known better, Lauren.”
Once the doors slammed shut, the doctor hung her head in shame.
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“Where-what’s-”
The sound of Bo’s voice pulled Lauren out of her slumber. She had been watching over the brunette for most of the night and ended up nodding off to the sound of her steady heart beat on the monitor. Now awake, she stood up on her stiff legs to address Bo and check her vitals. “Hey…you’re going to feel pretty weak, so just relax. Once the anti-toxin works through your system completely, your strength will come back.”
“What happened? Where’s Kenzi? Is she okay?!?” Bo eyes immediately scanned the room looking for her best friend. Not finding her standing watch, or in one of the other beds, she started to panic as the memory of when she last saw her played out in her mind. They’d been in the middle of a dense forest when some weird creature came out of the dark and started screeching. Bo barely even had a chance to reach for her dagger before the thing had jammed something into her chest and her world faded to black.
“Take it easy! Kenzi’s fine and probably enjoying the comforts of a warm shower and a soft bed right about now. She brought you in earlier, but I sent her home. Told her it would be a while before you were conscious. You were attacked by a Grachnin.”
“By a what-now?”
“Grachnin. They have territorial issues. Kenzi’s tracking down Dyson to get him to arrange a meeting for you. They’re actually quite pleasant if you meet them by invitation.”
“Really, I’m tingling with anticipation over a second meeting…ugh more like itching. What the hell?” Now that she was fully awake and her senses were back to normal she became overwhelmed with a burning sensation on her chest. She started to peel back the bandage to investigate what was causing the uncomfortable feeling.
Lauren, noticing her confusion, explained, “Actually that’s from where the Grachin inserted his venom. Fortunately it wasn’t deep enough to do any serious damage, but, you’ve got to keep it covered to avoid infection.” Without thinking, the Doctor reached out and placed her hand on Bo’s chest to prevent her from continuing to pull back the adhesive. The contact sent a jolt of electricity through her hand and up her arm. She looked into Bo’s eyes and could see that the other woman was sensing her unease. She quickly wiped the skin around the adhesive with a cotton swab and then drew back her hand before continuing, “It’s going to flare up every now and then, but, try not to touch it too much, it will only make it harder to heal.”
Bo noticed how the other woman flushed when her hand grazed the exposed skin near her wound. It reminded her of the last time she had seen the woman’s skin flush, under very different circumstances. The memory stirred the anger she had been burying since that night and caused it to percolate into forefront of her mind. There wasn’t any holding back now. As the other woman walked over to the sink to wash her hands, Bo called out, “There’s a quicker way for me to heal than with oversized Band-Aids. I’m surprised you didn’t try that or do you only offer those services when you’re ordered to?”
Lauren steadied herself by bracing her hands on both sides of the sink as Bo’s words sunk in. She knew this was coming, she knew she deserved it, but, it still hurt to hear it.
“What, truth hurts?” Bo prodded, finding Lauren’s catatonic response infuriating.
Lauren took a deep breath and forced back the tears that were pooling in her eyes before turning to face the other woman to respond. “Yes. It does.”
“Not nearly as much as it hurt me, I’m sure.”
“Bo…”
Lauren’s unresponsiveness to her baiting only frustrated Bo more. “Screw this. I can lie down and do nothing just as much at my place.” Bo started to get up and as she threw her legs over the side of the bed she was overcome with nausea.
“Bo! Stop!” Lauren ran toward the other woman to thwart her exit. She could see that Bo wasn’t prepared for how weak the toxin had made her body as she struggled to maintain balance.
“Get out of my way, Lauren.” Bo commanded as she smacked away the doctors attempt to steady her.
“You want to curse at me, lash out at me, fine! But, you’re not leaving this room. The anti-toxin isn’t finished and you’re too weak.”
“Trying to keep me in bed again? That didn’t work last time, you need to learn some new tricks.”
“Dammit Bo, don’t put your life in jeopardy just to spite me. There are people who care about you, who need you to be safe. Just because you don’t believe I’m one of them doesn’t make that statement any less true.
Bo leaned back against the edge of the bed for support. As much as she wanted to run out of the lab, she barely had enough energy to grimace at the woman in front of her, but she didn’t want to have to listen to anymore of Lauren’s pleas either. They sounded too earnest, too sincere and that only enraged Bo more. As she looked at Lauren, as she tried to see past the resignation her eyes, she was barraged by the memory of the doctor’s skin under her hands, the sound of her breath as it hitched and released, and the softness of her lips. She shook her head to rid herself of the memory, only to find herself focusing on the necklace at Lauren’s neck. It only brought up more memories, and rather than make her wistful, it only bolstered her resentment.
“I see your collar is back in place. Did they give you a treat for being such a good pet?”
“I don’t know why you are being cruel; I know you don’t enjoy it.”
“You know exactly why I’m doing it!”
“Because you think I betrayed you.”
“No, because I know you did. Do you have any idea what that night meant to me? I can’t even count the number of lovers I’ve had, but that night, with you, I never felt so naked, so wonderfully exposed in my whole life…and when I left you, I never felt so dirty.”
Bo had wanted to avoid this, to avoid admitting how much Lauren had hurt her. But the other woman’s stoic response to her barbs only seemed to unnerve Bo more, unearthing all her feelings of grief and regret that she had tried to mask with rage. “How do you do it, Lauren? How do you look in the mirror every day?”
Lauren looked down at the floor, before lifting her head to meet Bo’s stare. She answered in a tone that was both assured and broken. "Quickly."
The icy tone of Lauren’s voice sent a chill down Bo’s spine. She shook her head in disbelief, and wondered what it would take for this woman to show some sign of emotion. “That’s all you have to say?”
“What do you want, Bo? A fight?”
“I want to understand how I thought you had anything other than ice water running through your veins?”
“You think I did what I did because I’m just some cold bitch? Some lap dog to the Ash who gets a kick out of doing his bidding?” Lauren’s voice finally broke from its even tone and elevated to a pitch that reflected a change in her disposition.
“You said it.” Bo replied, satisfied that her words finally seemed to hit their mark.
Lauren, feeling a swell of indignation rise within her, opened her mouth to offer an equally cutting retort. But as quickly as the feeling came, it subsided just as fast, and a feeling of resignation took its place. There was no point in defending herself. The damage was done and no amount of talking would relieve them of their situation. “Sounds like you have it all figured out then, Bo, but I’m still your Doctor, icy veins and all, and I’m telling you that you need to rest. However, if being here is just going to get you aggravated and add even more stress to your already fragile body and mind, then I’ll call Kenzi to come pick you up. Maybe she can convince you to take care of yourself.” Lauren started to walk toward her work station. When she picked up her cell phone, Bo called out to her.
“Have you ever fought for anything, Lauren? Did you ever just stand up and say ‘no’?”
Lauren stiffened at that question and turned away from the brunette so that her back was toward her. She placed the phone back down on the desk and squeezed the back of the chair as the weight of that question finally settled on her.
“I did. Once.”
With those words Bo could finally see it, that part of Lauren that the other woman had tried so hard to conceal. Even though the blonde’s back was straight and stiff, Bo could see that a weight was bearing down on her. In retrospect Bo realized that it had been there from when they first met, but, it was only in that very moment that she recognized it for the first time.
“I don’t know you at all, do I, Lauren? Not even a little bit.”
Bo’s voice was soft and delicate, almost childlike, and it reminded Lauren of how the other woman sounded when she had asked her if their night together had been a ‘diversion.’ She didn’t give her a proper explanation then, not like she deserved. It was time to say everything that had been left unsaid. She turned and faced the brunette, wanting her next words to be said while she was looking directly into Bo’s eyes.
“He told me to come to you that night, the Ash. He told me stop you from trying to find Vex, that I should seduce you, if necessary. He said Vex was too strong for you to take, that he would kill you and that was all I could think about. He ordered me, but I went to your place because, more than anything, I didn’t want to lose you. So I called you to meet up, but I never intended to sleep with you. I just thought we could talk and it would delay you for a while. And then you spoke about wanting to be free, about wanting a normal life with normal choices and it took everything in me to stop myself from crying because I understand that more than you know, Bo. Then you asked me who would want to live a life with you and you said it so casually, but I knew the pain that was behind those words and it broke my heart. I didn’t know what to say to make it right, and I didn’t have the strength to hold back anymore, so I reached for you and I kissed you because it was all I could do. In that moment there was nothing else, no one else, but you and me. What happened between us wasn’t because of the Ash, I swear.”
Lauren crossed the room to stand in front of Bo again. She looked into the other woman’s eyes and could see the anger receding, only to be replaced by confusion.
“You ripped this from my neck,” She reached up to capture the necklace between her fingers before continuing, “like it was made of straw, but I wear it every day and it pulls me down like there’s a boulder hanging from it. Every day I feel the weight of it and I’m reminded of what I am. But ever since I met you, whenever I’m near you, it doesn’t feel so heavy anymore. I know I hurt you and I’m so sorry for that, but everything you felt from me was real. Everything.”
Bo tried to ignore the honesty in the other woman’s eyes and in her words, but she couldn’t. Lauren wasn’t lying, she could see that much. She looked down at the necklace and thought about all that it represented. “Trick told me what that necklace meant, that you’re basically a slave. Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Because then you would look at me and that’s all you would see.”
With those words, and as she witnessed tears start to fall down Lauren's cheeks, Bo felt the last of her anger melt away.
“Why does he own you?”
“I have a debt and it’s not something that has expiration date.”
“What is it?”
“I can’t say. That’s part of the debt.”
“Lauren we won’t get past this if we can’t trust each other.”
“There’s nothing to get past. You’re an anathema to the Fae until you chose a side. I’m a slave, beholden to the Ash. Nothing is going to change that, Bo.” Lauren turned to walk away from Bo, unable to look her in the eyes after speaking her last words. Before she could get far, her movement was arrested by the brunettes grip on her wrist.
“Wait a second, let me get my head around this, because the irony is a bit too much. Did you just dump me?” Bo released the hold on the other woman’s and emphasized her question by pointing back and forth between herself and Lauren as if she were speaking to someone with limited cognitive reasoning.
“Bo...”
“No, don’t ‘Bo’ me, okay. First you’re my doctor, then you’re my friend, then you’re all Tony Robbins, changing my life by helping me control these powers that I thought were a curse, and then you touch me, in a way no one has ever touched me, then you rip my heart out and stomp on it, only to tell me that you did that because of how much you care about me and now you’re saying that none of that other stuff counts for shit anymore because it’s easier to just walk away?”
“There isn’t a damn thing about my life that’s easy!” Lauren stepped closer to Bo, her brow furrowed with indignation, and hands balled into fists as she struggled to contain her anger.
“Well then why are you so afraid to try for something more.”
“Because I know better.”
Bo hung her head in frustration. She knew that feeling, the loss of hope that comes after trying so hard to make a better life, only to find yourself coming up against the same brick wall with every step forward you try to take. Once her powers manifested, once she recognized the consequence, she was convinced that she would be alone for the rest of her life. Unable to speak of her burden to anyone, with no hope of controlling it, she was convinced that her life had reached a dead end. Then she met Kenzi, she met Dyson and Trick, and she met Lauren. Everything changed then and Lauren was the one who made her believe that a new life was possible. Lauren hurt her, but she could see now that the Doctor did so out of fear, not malice. The blonde had been living in a cage for so long, that she was more afraid of the foreign hand offering to lead her out, than of the familiar hand that held her at the neck and barely let her breathe.
“Lauren, I’m still trying to understand everything that happened. I don’t know if I should be mad at you or not or just plain confused. And, actually, I think it’s a really douchey move that you just went and fell on your sword before even giving me a good chance to bitch at you for what you did to me. I mean, hello, wronged party here! But despite the bevy of emotions swirling in my anti-toxin filled brain right now, I know enough to know that I don’t want to call a time of death on this thing between us, whatever it is. Do you?” Bo reached out to take the other woman’s hands into her own. Lauren closed her eyes at the contact, reveling in the show of affection she was certain she would never know again.
“He doesn’t know what I feel for you, Bo, but he’ll figure it out soon, and when he does, he’ll use that for his benefit. I can’t protect you from him.”
“You’re giving him too much credit and not giving me nearly enough. I refused to choose a side of the Fae and still neither has come after me for it, not really. That tells me two things: one, I have something they want, and, two, they’re afraid of trying to take it from me. I don’t know what it is about me that makes me different, but the fact that everyone seems so dead against me finding out what it is tells me that it certainly isn’t something that they’re happy about. I have something they want and that gives me power. I won’t be pushed around like a piece on a chessboard and I won’t let you be treated like that either. I’m gonna figure this out, and this…” Bo pulled on Lauren’s necklace, “this weight on your neck, you’re gonna throw it right back in the Ash’s face once I do. But I need to know that you’re with me, I need to know that you’re ready to let go of this.”
“It’s been so long...”
“You were someone before he put his mark on you. You’re still that someone. That never changed.”
Lauren looked at the woman in front of her. The certainty in Bo’s eyes was undeniable and she felt her heart constrict at the sight of it there. Tears pooled in her eyes again, only this time she knew they didn’t stem from regret. She knew things would have to be different, that she would need to put her faith in Bo above her fear of the Ash, and she was ready to do it. “Will you remind me of that if I start to act ‘douchey’again?”
“I promise to call you out on all your douchey behavior whenever it rears its ugly head. Cross my heart.”
“You enjoyed that a little too much.” Lauren let out a chuckle, reveling in the levity of the moment.
“Oh, I assure you, it was just the right amount.”
“You’re right. I had that coming, all things considered.”
“In spades. So, Doc, I could use a little pick me up. Got anything for me?” Bo reached out to pull Lauren closer to her, resting her hands on the other woman’s shoulders, finding comfort in thier closeness, as well as some much needed physical support for her weakened body.
“Did you have something particular in mind?” Lauren smiled as she leaned forward to rest her forehead against the brunettes, and her hands at her waist.
Bo offered a wily smile as a reply, before leaning in to press her lips against Lauren’s. The sensation that erupted from the simple touch was both invigorating and dismantling for the succubus. Lauren reciprocated, closing the already scant space between them by wrapping her arms around Bo’s waist in an embrace. She reveled in the feel of brunette’s lips against her own, emitting a moan of pleasure as she attempted to inhale a breath of air. The feeling was one that both women had struggled to forget during their time apart. Now that it had returned, Lauren felt a part of herself resurrected, revived and ready to reclaim her dignity from those who would have her peddle it for their benefit.
Bo, concerned that her weakened state might also weaken her control, reluctantly pulled back before her desire put them both in jeopardy. Reaching up, she traced the other woman’s lips with her fingertips, reveling in the closeness she thought she had lost.
“I’m gonna need a prescription of that.”
~Finis~