A Piece of the Action (1/2)
Fic: A Piece of the Action (1/2)
Rating/Warnings: T: wacky hijinks and crazy capers, and also embarrassment and misunderstandings. But mostly hijinks.
Pairings: James/Logan and Kendall/Jo, with a lengthy detour through James/Kendall
Disclaimer: Sometimes I think this show was created just for me, but alas, still not mine.
Notes: Enormous thanks to elucreh for the inspiration, poisonivory for the hijinks, and especially lielabell for hand-holding and beta reading. ♥
Summary: "It's not my fault I'm this attractive," James sulked. "I can't help that everyone wants to make out with me."
Logan grinned. Maybe even smirked. "Would you care to make a little wager on that?"
Wednesday.
"Okay. Let's apply logic. You like logic," Carlos said.
"This should be good." Logan leaned back on the couch, tapped his pen against his textbook, and waited. Not that he was going to wait very long. He didn't just have homework to finish: the ACTs were creeping up. Logan wasn't going to risk not getting into his first-choice college if this whole boyband thing fell through. He had some serious studying to do.
"What are you two talking about?" James looked away from his mirror for a second, before he went back to coming his hair. Logan rolled his eyes.
"It's like this," Carlos said. "You should do my homework for me, because if you don't, then I'll fail. And we won't be able to perform or whatever. Gustavo will just make you do it later anyway, so you might as well do it now."
"You have to admit he has a point," James said, sitting down on the couch next to Logan.
"Where's Kendall?" Logan asked instead of answering. Because the sad thing was that Carlos actually did have a point, and Logan needed back up.
James shrugged, kicking his feet up on the coffee table -- also, in fact, on top of Logan's notebook. Logan scowled and glared at him, but James just grinned back.
Carlos filled in, "He's out with Jo. They're busy planning," he made finger quotes, "'the best date ever.' It's their nine-month anniversary or something."
"The prefix 'anni-' implies year, you can't say that for a month --" Logan started.
"This is why we always want you to do our homework," Carlos said.
Logan growled a little and tried to shoo James off of his work. James let his feet fall back to the floor as he pulled his mirror back out. "I made out with Bethany this afternoon," he said.
"Good for you. Now go tell Carlos about it somewhere else, please."
"I'm not going anywhere until you agree to help me."
"I would happily help you," Logan said. "But I'm not going to do it for you."
"And I made out with Jackie yesterday," James continued. "They got into a fight about it, and Jackie shoved Bethany into the pool. Then Bethany pulled her in and they had a dripping wet girlfight over me. It was amazing."
"Yes, yes, that's very nice for you," Logan said, most of the muscles of his body clenched in irritation. "Now would you please go away? I'm trying to work here."
James looked up from his mirror. "And last week --"
"James!" Logan snapped. "I don't want to hear about it!"
James pouted, his stupidly attractive lower lip sticking out, brown eyes earnest. He looked genuinely wounded, which was ridiculous. Logan sighed, and apparently James took that as a cue, because he continued, "Last week, Marissa got that new bikini, did you see it? It's like... the size of a bandanna. And I don't know if it was on purpose or not, but she didn't exactly tie it very well, and when we were in the pool, the knot --"
"I don't want to hear it," Logan interrupted, massaging his temples. It wasn't that he wasn't happy for James, or didn't want James to get some with every single girl at the Palm Woods or whatever, he just... didn't want to hear about it. As fun as it was for James, it was a little gross when he described it, and it seemed like his romantic conquests were all James ever talked about lately.
Though apparently Logan was the only one who thought so. Carlos was obviously impressed. "Did it come all the way off, or --"
"Just untied," James said. "But she let me take it off in the towel closet later. It was pretty amazing. She's only a B-cup, but --"
"That is enough!" Logan yelled.
James looked up, his expression actually genuinely surprised. "What's wrong, Logan?"
"I am trying to work here! You," he jabbed a finger against James' extremely solid chest, "and you," he turned to waggle the finger at Carlos, "are really annoying and distracting! I'm not doing your homework for you, and I really," he turned back to James, "really don't want to hear about your escapades."
"It's not my fault I'm this attractive," James sulked. "I can't help that everyone wants to make out with me."
"Not everyone wants to make out with you," Logan muttered wryly. It was true that James was pretty attractive, but his ego was out of control if he really believed that.
Which, apparently, he did. "Um, yes they do," James said. "Seriously, I don't think there's a single person at the Palm Woods who wouldn't make out with me."
Logan started to answer, then stopped, an inkling of an idea occurring to him. A way to shut James up, and not just for today. He tapped his hand against his knee and said, "Is that a fact?"
"That everyone wants to make out with me? Duh."
"No, that you're sure there's no one at the Palm Woods who doesn't want to make out with you," Logan corrected. A small difference, but an important one.
"Fact," James said simply.
Logan grinned. Maybe even smirked. "Would you care to make a little wager on that?"
"Huh?"
"Yeah," Logan said, nodding. "Yeah, let's do this, if you're so sure. I am willing bet you that I can think of someone who lives at the Palm Woods who will never, ever, under any circumstances, make out with you."
"Whoa," Carlos said. "Them's fighting words. Awesome. James?"
"So what, you pick someone, we make out, I win?" James said.
"Or I pick someone, you don't make out, and I win," Logan agreed.
"How long does he have?" Carlos put in. "I mean, like, does he only get one try? Or a day? Or what?"
Logan looked at James, who shrugged. "Two days?" Logan suggested.
"I won't need that long," James answered confidently. "But sure. Two days. That gives me until..." He looked at the clock. "Four-thirty, Friday. So what do I get when I win?"
"If you win," Logan corrected. "Which you won't."
"Which I will. Wait!" James grinned. "I've got it. When I win --"
"If."
"-- you have to be my wingman. Forever. Or at least until I get my driver's license," James said. "Because I need someone to drive me places."
Logan groaned. He had finally gotten his license, which was great, except he couldn't afford gas for the BTR-mobile on his own. He mostly drove around his friends and they all split the cost... but they wanted to go out a lot more than he did, and he was already a little bit tired of playing chauffer for Kendall's and Jo's dates. The idea of doing the same for James and his girl-of-the-week... He shuddered. A fate worse than death. And he'd never get any studying done.
On the other hand, he was pretty sure he was going to win the bet. James was handsome, true, but he was also stupid, and obviously not thinking this through very well. Logan smiled.
"Fine. You win, and I'm your wingman forever," he agreed. "But if I win," he paused for dramatic emphasis, "you can never, ever tell me about your escapades again. No stories about making out, or groping girls in the closet, or -- or whatever else you do. Not to me and not where I can hear you. Ever again."
James furrowed his eyebrows, seeming deep in thought. Logan wondered what he was considering, since it wasn't like it was a huge deal. He wouldn't be able to talk about what he got up to, but it wasn't like Logan was forcing him to not make out with a succession of random girls or whatever. He just didn't want to hear about it.
Finally, James said, "Deal."
"Shake on it," Carlos instructed.
Logan held out his hand. James shook it. His grip was firm and warm, and his smile was excited.
"So who's the lucky lady?" James asked.
Logan chuckled, relaxing on the couch. "Who said anything about lady? I just said I'd pick someone at the Palm Woods. I never said a girl."
James let out a little yelp, eyes going wide. He turned to Carlos, obviously looking for someone impartial to referee, but Carlos was laughing so hard that he fell off the couch. Finally he managed, between guffaws, "Oh man, he totally got you! You said anyone, he said anyone..." He trailed off, grinning.
"Fine," James said, but he sounded a little panicked. "So who...?"
Logan smirked. "Well, let me see... there's always Buddha Bob... or Mr. Bitters --"
James let out another yelp.
"Or..." Logan snapped his fingers, thinking aloud. "I don't know. What about Mrs. Knight? She's a girl, but Kendall would beat the crap out of..."
An idea struck him like lightning and he laughed.
James and Carlos both stared at him. Finally, Carlos demanded, "What? Who?"
Logan grinned. "Kendall."
It was perfect. It wasn't just that Kendall was the straightest guy Logan knew, it was that he had an insane loyalty complex. Even if he did have an occasional passing thought about guys -- which he didn't, Logan was sure -- he would never, ever cheat on Jo. And even if he did consider cheating on Jo, and it was going to be with a guy, James was his best friend, and friends just didn't think of other friends that way.
Yup. Perfect.
He could tell James knew it, too. James' mouth dropped open and he froze in place, sitting on the couch, just staring at Logan. Carlos, meanwhile, was now laughing so hard he was curled up into a ball, shaking, and in serious danger of concussing himself on the edge of the coffee table.
Eventually James said, "Okay. I can... I can work with that." But his voice cracked, so Logan knew it was a desperate lie. James stood up and added, "I've got to go prepare myself. Just you wait, Logan. Just. You. Wait."
Then he ran away, and Logan cackled. Carlos finally managed to crawl back up onto the couch, grinning ear to ear. "The next two days are going to be amazing," he said. "So about my homework...?"
"No."
"But --"
"Carlos, I just got James out of my hair. I have a very short window to get actual work done. I mean this in the nicest way possible: go away."
"I'll go away if you do my homework for me."
"No!"
"Fine." Carlos stood up. "I'm going to go make popcorn. Because watching Kendall and James is going to be better than a movie."
That was true. Logan thought about asking him to share, but he'd only share in exchange for Logan doing his homework. Logan didn't even have to ask to know that.
"So what do you think is going to happen?" Carlos called as he put the popcorn in the microwave.
"Uh, duh, I made a bet on it," Logan called back.
"Yeah, but you really think... I mean, it's James," Carlos said.
"Yeah," Logan said. "And it's Kendall."
"Yeah, but... I mean, you've seen James work. He always gets the girl."
"Kendall's not a girl."
"But James has the face."
"But Kendall is Kendall."
"But James is James," Carlos said. "Check and mate, my friend."
"Do you even know what game you get checkmate in?"
"Checkers, duh," Carlos said.
Logan nodded. Naturally. But if Carlos was ridiculous enough to think that, and ridiculous enough to think James had even a snowball's chance in heck of winning... Hmmm.
"Carlos, how would you feel about making a bet?"
"On James?" Carlos practically ran over and vaulted the back of the couch, landing next to Logan. "What are we betting?"
"If I win, you have to do your own homework. Every night. I'll help," Logan added quickly, "if you need it, but you sit down and you open your book and you actually do it. Okay?"
"Every night?" Carlos made a face. He usually did homework at most once a week, which was why his grades were so very, very bad. "Okay, fine. And if I win -- I mean, if James wins -- you do it for me For the rest of the year."
"But then you won't learn anything!"
Carlos shrugged. "You want to bet or not? It was your idea."
"Fine." Because there was absolutely no way he was going to lose. Kendall was straight, James was an idiot, and Carlos was a sucker. He shook Carlos' hand, and Carlos got up to get his popcorn, leaving Logan to finally, finally get to work.
For about five seconds. Then the door blew open and Kendall announced, "It's official. Perfect dates are cost prohibitive!" He stormed over and threw himself down on the couch dramatically.
Logan sighed and reached for his notebook. On the one hand, he thought he should ask Kendall about it -- that was the sort of thing friends did -- but on the other, he really wanted to get some work done. He scribbled a note on his study guide, then looked over at Kendall expectantly.
"Almost all of my money goes to the college fund," Kendall complained loudly. "I spent my allowance on gas and last week's date, so I've got nothing, and all of Jo's money goes into her trust fund, which she can't touch until she's twenty-five!"
"That's rough," Logan said, trying to sound more sincere than he felt. All of all of their money from the band went into sealed college funds, which was basically fine by him, since he didn't spend much, and had no problem saving for the things he wanted. (He had his eye on a top-of-the-line graphing calculator, and was carefully putting aside money and pretending he wasn't so none of his friends would try to borrow it.)
"It's not fair! We've been together for longer than any other couple at the Palm Woods, but we can't even go anywhere nicer than Fun Burger."
"You could try saving up for the next three months," Logan suggested. "Then it would actually be your anniversary."
Kendall didn't look pleased by the suggestion. Logan shrugged and went back to his notes while Carlos sat down with a bowl of popcorn, which Kendall immediately helped himself to. Logan tried to block them out, but before he could focus on his work, James strutted into the room and said, "Hey, Kendall's home! Look at that. Hello, Kendall."
Logan looked up. The first thing he saw was that James had used his few minutes to change, and was now wearing what he called his Model Costume: a clingy v-neck with short sleeves that showed off his arms, a black vest, and jeans that were just tight enough. Not skinny, but fitted to show off his... well, his everything. And then there was James' face, which just wasn't fair. He was gorgeous without foundation or lipgloss or whatever it was he'd put on, but now...
James had a very intent gaze focused on Kendall. Except James didn't gaze. He smoldered.
Logan panicked. There was handsome, and then there was this.
But Kendall just gave James a weird look and said, "Um, hey, James. What's... what's up?"
"Can you do me a favor?" James asked. "I think I've got something in my eye. Can you come see if you can see what it is?"
Logan swallowed. This was one of James' tricks, he just knew it. If Kendall looked into James' eyes, he was a goner. Logan wanted to do something -- maybe yell, "It's a trap!" or tackle Kendall to the carpet or something -- but he felt frozen to the spot, as if James' magic spell was working on him instead of Kendall.
Kendall glanced at Logan and Carlos, shrugged, and stood up. He walked over to James, who was still smoldering at him. He leaned forward, squinting, peering into James' eyes.
Then said, "I don't see anything."
"Are you sure?" James asked, voice low and husky. "Look harder."
Kendall's expression was dubious, but he dutifully peered into James' eyes for another few seconds. Then said, "Nope, sorry. But if it's bothering you, you should call the doctor." He stepped around James, heading towards the hall, and added, "I've got to go search restaurant listings. Somewhere out there is a perfect blend of classy and cheap."
He left.
James deflated.
Carlos laughed.
And Logan smirked. Oh yeah. Momentary panic aside, this was the greatest idea he'd ever had.
--
James stared at himself in his mirror and said, "You can do this. You are James Diamond. You are The Face. You can do this."
His reflection nodded -- okay, so he nodded, but so did his reflection. He could do this. It wouldn't be easy, but...
He sighed and sat on his bed, still examining his face. It was flawless. Why hadn't it worked on Kendall?
He scowled at his reflection. Because his heart wasn't in it. That was why.
When Logan had dropped the bomb that he was going to pick a boy for James, James' heart had leapt. He'd thought, for just one hopeful moment, that Logan was masterminding something else entirely -- that Logan would name himself, that James would finally have an excuse to crawl on top of him and pin him down and kiss him and --
Whoa. No point in following that train of thought all the way through, at least not when Logan had given James exactly zero signs that he was interested. James had been watching for those signs very carefully. He'd spent months dropping hints, flat-out telling Logan how great a kisser he was, how much fun he was on dates, how much absolutely everyone wanted him, and he'd been waiting and waiting for Logan to get curious enough to give him a chance.
Nothing for months, and now this.
It was weird. The idea of kissing Kendall for a bet didn't phase James at all. James would make it happen, and he and Kendall would laugh it off later. But the idea of kissing Logan...
Just the thought of it left him a little desperate. But he had to ignore that. He had to concentrate. He had to win, because aside from proving to Logan that he was, in fact, so handsome and amazing that everyone with good sense (something Logan usually possessed) would want him, he would get unlimited time with Logan. Which meant that eventually Logan would fall for him. It was only a matter of time. So yeah, he had to win this bet.
"You can do this," he said to his reflection again, as he got up and headed towards his closet. "Just think sexy."
--
"Heyyyy... baby sister?"
"Talk to me," Katie said from her perch at the kitchen counter.
Kendall plopped down on the stool next to her and said, "You know I would normally never ask you for this kind of favor."
"How much?"
Logan started laughing from the living room couch, where he was still studying from some enormous textbook. Kendall grabbed a grape out of his mom's fruit bowl and chucked it at him, soliciting a yelp of, "Hey! Doing homework, over here!" Kendall turned back to Katie, but had to look over again when the door opened and Logan said, "Wait, you're helping him?"
Carlos was walking into 2J, dragging some kind of fancy lighting equipment that looked like he'd stolen it from Marcos Delposey. "Uh, yeah."
"You can't do that!"
"We never said anything about it one way or the other," Carlos said, lugging the equipment towards their bedrooms. He yelled, "Hey, James, did you want the dusty rose gel or the desert rose gel?"
"I don't even want to know," Kendall said, shaking his head. He turned back to Katie. "Just a hundred bucks. For a fancy date. We're going to dress up nicely, go somewhere that doesn't offer crayons on the table..." He clasped his hands together, begging. "Please?"
"For you, big brother? Of course." She smiled. "And I'll even drop my interest rate down to five percent a week."
"Say whaaa?"
"I'm happy to loan you the money, but I've got to make some profit, right? And a hundred is such a nice round number, even you can do the math."
He turned to Logan, who was watching over his shoulder. "It's five bucks a week for every week you don't pay her back," Logan explained.
"But it could take me a couple months to save that much up! That's why I'm asking in the first place!"
Katie shrugged and started to answer him, but an explosion from down the hall rocked the whole apartment. Black smoke roiled from the general area of their bedrooms, bringing the scent of burning body glitter with it.
Wow, Kendall had been living with James for way too long, considering he recognized the smell.
"I've got the extinguisher! Don't panic!" Carlos screamed from somewhere out of sight, as the fire alarm went off.
"You think I should check on that?" Kendall asked.
"I wouldn't," Logan said.
Kendall used his hand to fan some of the smoke away from his face and said, "Any chance of a loan with no interest? Because you love me?"
"Sorry, big brother."
"Oh, well. Worth a shot." Kendall sighed. Back to square one. He hopped off the stool to go meet Jo so they could discuss their options.
--
Three hours later, he and Jo had taken a very nice walk in the park, played Frisbee, went for smoothies, and spent the whole time trying to brainstorm cheap alternatives to fancy dates. Unfortunately, while there was plenty of stuff to do in LA, it was mostly really expensive. Or at least moderately expensive, which was still more than they could afford.
He sighed wistfully and waved as he walked past Carlos, Logan, and Katie, who were watching Varsity Vampire on cable together on the couch. (Or at least, Carlos and Katie were watching; Logan was reading something in his textbook and chewing on his highlighter's cap.)
"Any luck?" Carlos asked.
"No. I'm gonna sleep on it. Maybe it'll come to me in a dream," Kendall answered.
"'Night," Logan said distractedly, highlighting something in his book.
Kendall pushed the door of his and Logan's room open, already reaching for his t-shirt's hem to pull it off, and froze in his tracks.
James was lying on his bed.
Not lying. Lounging.
He was also wearing a long, shiny robe, which was hanging open to reveal he'd oiled up his chest. A fan was blowing, gently rustling James' hair, and James had a rose clenched between his teeth.
A rose.
Kendall turned around, walked out, and shut the door behind him. "Guys, why is James doing a Fabio photoshoot in my bed?"
Logan just threw his head back and laughed.
--
James scowled as he slid his robe back onto its hanger. He opened the closet to put it away, but had to shift all of Carlos' hockey gear out of the way --
Hockey gear. It was like a light bulb turned on over his head.
If Kendall was going to be attracted to a guy, it wasn't going to be the Fabio fantasy, romance novel thing. That had been the totally wrong tack to take. No, no, no. There was a much more direct route to Kendall Knight's heart. Or libido. Whichever.
--
Bedtime, take two. Kendall had decided it was safest to just watch the movie with Katie, but now that it had hit the ending strains of Hoop Screams (Dak Zevon's final number), he figured he'd given James plenty of time to finish up... well, whatever it was James had been doing.
So he got up, brushed his teeth, and walked to his bedroom. He opened the door and --
James was lounging on his bed, wearing a hockey jersey and skates, licking -- licking -- the curved end of a hockey stick. He said, "Hello... Kendall," and waggled his eyebrows lasciviously.
Kendall blinked at him, then announced, "Okay, I'll sleep on the couch."
Thursday.
Weekday breakfasts in 2J were frenetic, crazy affairs. Katie's mom was notoriously not a morning person, which meant that she barely rolled out of bed in time to get everyone else out of bed on time. Even when she had great intentions of providing a complete breakfast -- fresh fruit, bacon, eggs, pancakes, the works -- everyone usually ended up with a couple of bowls of cereal and maybe some orange juice, and there was also always plenty of yelling about who needed access to the bathroom when and for how long, and everyone frantically getting dressed and trying to find their shoes and whatever, and basically by the time everyone was ready to roll out to school or the studio, the day was off to an exhausting start.
Usually.
Thursday, when Katie got out of bed (a good hour before her mom -- it wasn't that Katie was a morning person, it was that she liked to shower and she didn't feel like fighting with four idiots to get into the bathroom) James was already awake. She raised her eyebrows. He was dressed to the nines, humming brightly, and making breakfast on the stove.
"What's going on?" she asked.
"Nothing," James sing-songed. He paused to rustle her hair, then went back to cooking.
"James, you don't..." She gestured at the kitchen counter, which was covered in batter-caked bowls, eggshells, and flour. "And did you already do your beauty regimen? How early did you get up?"
"Four," he said. "Gotta get a good jump on the day. Breakfast is the most important meal."
She blinked at him. "You're being weird, and I'm going to get to the bottom of it. After I shower."
"You are a very suspicious little girl, Katie," James said, as she pushed past him towards the bathroom.
Suspicious? Katie glanced back at him. Yes, she was a little suspicious. Because James Diamond seemed to have been replaced by a pod person who knew how to cook. Something was definitely going on.
--
Kendall yawned as he sank into place at the kitchen counter. His eyes were still glued shut, and he could hear Carlos singing in the shower from where he sat. He groaned, crossed his arms on the counter, and lowered his head to rest on them, shutting out the world for a moment of quiet darkness.
Someone set a plate down on the counter next to him. It smelled delicious. He pried his eyes open, turned his head, and --
"Morning, sleepyhead!"
Kendall jolted up so quickly he almost fell off his stool and had to flail for balance. Because whatever he'd expected, it wasn't for James to be right there, almost nose to nose with him, batting his eyelashes.
James straightened up and said, "I made you breakfast." He nudged a plate further towards Kendall. It was stacked high with pancakes and bacon. "The pancakes are chocolate chip. Your favorite!"
"Did you do something bad?" Kendall asked, peering at the pancakes suspiciously. "Seriously, did you break my favorite hockey stick or something?"
"I wouldn't do that!" James yelped, then cleared his throat and said, "No, no. I just... felt like being... nice. To you." He waggled his eyebrows. He was doing that a lot lately, Kendall noticed vaguely. Then James reached for a canister of whipped cream and offered, "Want any? Here." He sprayed a dot of it onto his finger and held it out towards Kendall.
Kendall slid off of his stool, wheeled around, and pounded on the bathroom door, yelling, "Carlos! I still need to shower!"
Behind him, James muttered, "Darn it!"
--
Katie crossed her arms and stared at the idiots. They had class this morning, and even though there were technically different grades at the Palm Woods school, there was only the one classroom. So even though she was in a different class, she could see and hear everything they did clearly.
She narrowed her eyes at James, who was watching the clock more than the teacher, then turned her gaze to Kendall (who was passing notes back and forth with Jo), Carlos (who was staring out the window longingly), and Logan (who was actually paying attention, of course).
At the front of the room, Miss Collins announced, "We're going to talk about political geography today. The UN has 193 member states, and I know a lot of you kids are international travelers, from filming on location or going on tour. Let's see how many we can name."
"Does it have to be only countries we've been to?" Logan asked. "Or just countries we can name?"
Miss Collins sighed. "Any country you can name, Logan. Go for it."
Logan began ticking off countries, while Miss Collins scrambled to keep up with him, writing on the board. He had them all memorized by the date they were admitted to the UN -- of course he did. Katie herself was no slouch in the genius department, but she liked to think she used her smarts a little more practically and less... geekily, honestly.
"Wait, wait, wait," James interrupted as Logan hit Djibouti. "You want to know how I learned everything I know about geography?"
"Oh, this should be great," Logan muttered to himself.
"See, everything I know, I learned from a romantic little song I like to call..." James slid out from behind his desk, and Katie facepalmed preemptively as Carlos hit play on a stereo, "Worldwide."
Then it was too late to stop him. James went all-out, belting the entire song -- something about Paris, London, Tokyo, which meant it was at least vaguely topical, impressive given how incredibly not bright James was -- while dancing. He was energetic, if not very well choreographed, effortlessly jumping up onto Kendall's desk, as if it were his own personal stage.
In fact, James was pretty clearly doing the whole number directly to Kendall. His gaze was fixed, the dance was centered around him, and sure enough, as James finished, he slid down the aisle between desks, coming to a stop on one knee right next to Kendall, and he took Kendall's hand.
Kendall stared at him with rising horror on his face. After a second, he snatched his hand back and turned to Jo, open-mouthed. Jo's eyebrows were somewhere in the vicinity of her hairline, and she was staring at James, too.
James hadn't moved an inch, Katie noted. He was just looking up at Kendall. Hopefully? Desperately? Something like that. Katie couldn't quite make it out from where she was sitting.
The room remained so silent and still that Katie could practically hear crickets chirping. Then, mercifully, Logan began to laugh. It started as a quiet chuckle, something he obviously tried to stifle, but grew into a huge belly laugh that had him shaking in his chair, and moments later, everyone else joined him.
"James!" Miss Collins tried, but she could barely be heard over the class.
"What was that?" Kendall demanded, only audible over the crowd because the pitch his voice hit was really impressive.
"Just trying to make your day a little brighter, jeez," James said, standing. He brushed some dust off his jeans, shrugged, and sat back down at his seat. Weirdly, where anyone else in the entire world would probably just have run out of the room, ready to kill themselves from embarrassment, James just looked mildly grumpy.
It took Miss Collins a few minutes to get the class back on track. Katie spent most of that time stealing looks at the idiots, trying to figure out what was going on. On the surface it was pretty clear -- James was suddenly, horrifically crushing on Kendall -- but it was Logan's reaction that baffled her. Every time James acted like a weirdo, Logan found it hilarious.
Which, sure, it kind of was. But Logan was one of the most easily-embarrassed people she knew. So much so that he should have been embarrassed for James, not having the time of his life watching James.
Thankfully, James stayed quiet for the rest of class. Miss Collins let them all go for their various jobs noon, and as everyone filed out, Katie grabbed Logan's ear, dragged him over towards James, grabbed James' ear, and dragged them both off to a corner of the lobby.
"What's the scam?" she demanded.
They exchanged panicked looks. "I have no idea what you're talking about," James said, while Logan laughed awkwardly and gestured crazily. They were not exactly good at this whole faking innocent thing.
"Really? So I'm just supposed to believe that after being best friends for fifteen years, you've fallen madly in love with Kendall out of the blue?"
"What? No, ew!" James yelped, then, "I mean, yes. Yes, I have."
She raised a single eyebrow and turned to Logan. Logan was always the weak link in their group, lying-wise. "Logan," she said, drawing the name out and crossing her arms. He started squirming immediately. "Do you think that I'm stupid?"
"No!" Logan squeaked. "No, no, you're actually frightening intelligent for a pre-teen."
"I'm frighteningly intelligent for anyone. Which is why I know that you're lying. So spill."
It came tumbling out of his mouth immediately: "I kind of maybe sort of bet James that he's not as handsome and seductive as he thinks he is and now he has to prove he is by trying to seduce Kendall before tomorrow afternoon and he is totally going to lose, ha!"
The last was directly at James, who scowled. "I am totally going to win! I am just warming up. Just you wait, Logan. Just you wait for me to get going."
"Seriously?" Katie looked back and forth between the two of them, but they were now busy taunting each other, complete with not-so-friendly shoves. She put her fingers to her lips and whistled, the way Kendall had taught her to when she was five, and they both turned back to her. She repeated, "Neither one of you realized I'd want a piece of the action, here? I want in."
"Huh?" James asked.
Katie ignored him, the money-making gears in her mind already whirling. "Thanks for the info. I have to go plan."
She left them both behind, giving her weird looks. Not that she cared if they were confused, since she had way more important things to contemplate.
Oh, yeah. Katie was gonna make a bundle off this.
--
On the one hand, Logan was getting more and more confident as each hour crept by. Kendall seemed horrified, but otherwise unmoved, by James' attempts at seduction.
On the other hand, Logan figured that if Kendall were going to break, it would happen at Rocque Records, where they were all locked together in very tight quarters for hours at a time.
They gathered around the piano with lyrics sheets, going through a new song for the first time. It was a ballad, which meant, of course, it was also a love song. A love song about falling for your best friend -- the person who'd always been there. James caught Logan's gaze and smirked as they finished up the first read through. There was no way he could have planned this, but it definitely set a tone.
Especially when they moved into the studio to lay down vocals. Logan tried to squeeze between Kendall and James, but James wasn't having any of it, and shouldered him out of the way easily. Which wasn't fair, since James had almost six inches on him, and significantly broader shoulders.
And it really, really wasn't fair when James not-so-casually leaned into Kendall's personal space to get to the microphone. That left him singing the song's intro softly in Kendall's ear. Then --
Then --
Logan's brain shorted out a little bit. James finished his part and tongue darted out and he licked Kendall's earlobe. Logan's heart was thumping somewhere in the vicinity of his throat and he had a horrible mental image of Kendall turning around, pushing James up against the wall, and --
Kendall shrieked and flailed and pushed as far away from James as he could. Which wasn't far, given how tiny the booth was, but Kendall also grabbed Carlos shoved him into position between James and himself, human-shield style. Then demanded, "What the hell was that?"
"What was what?" James asked innocently.
"DOGS! WHAT IS GOING ON UP THERE! HEEL!"
"You are being weird," Kendall hissed at James. "Stop it."
"I'm not doing anything," James sulked.
Logan let out a relieved breath. Thank god.
Not that the one defeat stopped James. Kendall made sure to keep as far away from James as he could in the sound booth, but once they were in the dance studio, where they stood was entirely up to Mr. X, who had no patience for Kendall's squeamishness. And the thing about new choreography was, it was difficult. Logan had a hard time learning the steps well enough that he didn't have to look at his feet, let alone adding in everything else. And sure, it came way more naturally to James and Kendall, so while there was always a fair amount of collisions and tripping over one another, it wasn't usually from those two.
Except today it was.
Not two, not three, but four times, they somehow went sprawling, landing in a tangle of limbs. The first couple of times, Kendall laughed it off awkwardly. The third time, he rolled off of James as quickly as humanly possible, looking a little panicked.
The fourth time, Kendall landed with his back to the floor and James' bulk over him, pinning him in place. They were chest to chest, practically nose to nose, and Logan had another nightmare image -- all Kendall had to do was tip his chin up slightly towards James and oh god, who wouldn't, with James right there? -- but Kendall somehow got a hand on James' shoulder and shoved him off.
"I can't work like this!" Kendall squawked, retreating once again.
"Diva," Carlos accused him.
Logan, who finally remembered how to breathe, reached over and smacked the back of Carlos' head. James sulked, Kendall hid, and Mr. X declared, "That was ex-criment! Starting places! I ex-pect better this time!"
After that, Logan didn't have much time to concentrate on what James got up to. He was too busy trying not to trip over his own feet, and only managed to scowl in annoyance when James crashed into him, giving him an apologetic smile before getting back to work.
--
Logan was exhausted and achy by the time they returned to the Palm Woods, the late afternoon sun beating down. Kendall said something about checking job listings and took off as soon as they stepped out of the car, and James yelled, "Wait, I'll help!" and ran after him.
"You are so going down," Logan said to Carlos.
"That's what the odds say, but personally, I'm not convinced."
They both spun to find Camille -- wearing a 70s disco dress and enormous platform shoes, for some reason -- standing behind them.
"What are you talking about?" Logan asked.
Camille led them into the lobby and pointed at Katie, who was sitting at one of the tables, laptop and cash box in front of her, deep in conversation with one of the kids from their Palm Woods classes.
"What's she doing?" Carlos asked.
"Laying the odds and taking percentages. Duh," Camille said. "When word got around about the whole bet situation, no one could resist. She's taking ten percent of every bet placed and finding people on both sides to bet against each other -- apparently not a lot of people think James has a snowball's chance. Last I knew, it was 60/40 against him."
"Take that," Logan said. "And Katie can't even have known about all of his abject failures at the studio."
"Oooh, no, but I'll go tell her," Camille said, and started off.
"Camille!" Carlos called.
She turned around to face them again. "What?"
"Who did you bet on?"
"Why... why do you ask?"
Carlos raised his eyebrows.
Finally, Camille confessed, "Well, just from personal experience... I mean... sometimes it's really hard not to kiss James. Gotta go, bye!"
She ran away. Logan scowled, and Carlos taunted, "Take that."
--
Kendall sat down on the pool chair, pulled his sunglasses on, tucked his arms behind his head, and finally, finally relaxed. It had been a weird, long day. His job search hadn't turned up anything, so the perfect date issue was on hold; and since Jo was still at the studio, he decided to just chill.
And he did. For nearly fifteen minutes.
Then he heard an enormous ruckus from the pool, and looked up. James was in the water, flailing wildly, shrieking for help. Except he was in the shallow end and could easily stand on the bottom, so he wasn't drowning, or even in vague danger of drowning.
Kendall watched over the top of his glasses as James hauled himself out of the pool, sputtering and flopping, coughing. Fake coughing. He somehow staggered to the foot of Kendall's chair, and yelled, "Mouth to mouth! Kendall, I need mouth to mouth. Help me!"
"You don't need mouth to mouth, James."
"Yes, I do!"
"No, you don't. You're breathing fine. You're talking."
"I -- but -- help me!"
"Also, I don't know mouth to mouth."
"But... But... Kendall!"
Kendall sighed and called to the pool area at large, "Does anyone here know mouth to mouth?"
There was a lot of shuffling and mumbling, and Kendall wondered how the Palm Woods got away with operating a pool with no life guard whatsoever, but finally someone said, "I do."
It was the unmistakable rumble of Buddha Bob's voice. Kendall smirked down at James as he announced, "James really, really needs your help."
Then as Buddha Bob came over, Kendall retreated, but paused in the doorway to look back. James was now flailing, running, as Buddha Bob chased him. Then Kendall headed up to 2J, hurried to the room he and Logan shared, and locked the door. He'd let Logan in later, but for now, he just needed a break.
--
James paced. This was stressful, and stress caused wrinkles and made hair fall out and all kinds of nasty things. It was not supposed to be happening like this!
"Dude, calm down, you're freaking me out," Carlos said.
"I can't calm down!" James yelped. Then he lowered his voice, because Kendall and Logan were just down the hall in their room, and he didn't exactly want to be overheard. "I can't lose this bet, Carlos. I can't."
"What's the big deal?" Carlos asked. "I mean, I don't want to do my homework every night, but this isn't exactly life and death or anything."
"It is for me!"
"Why?" Carlos asked.
"Because if I lose, I can't -- you know -- make out all the time!"
"Yes you can," Carlos said. "The bet's that you can't talk about it, not that you can't do it."
"What's the point of doing it if I can't tell anyone?"
"You can still tell everyone but Logan."
"Well, yeah, but I -- I can't -- arg!" He threw himself down on the couch. He knew Carlos was right. Ultimately, honestly, the bet was not a big deal at all. Even if he lost the chance to make Logan spend infinite time with him as his wingman, that wasn't a huge deal, since they spent most of their time together anyway.
He just... he wanted Logan to have no choice but to admit that everyone wanted him. Everyone. Because "everyone" would have to include Logan, wouldn't it? Logan would have to give him a chance, then, and all he needed was a chance.
"Sleep on it," Carlos suggested. "You've still got until 4:30 tomorrow. No need to panic yet. Right?"
"Right," James said. He still had plenty of time. And plenty of ideas. Kendall couldn't hide from him forever, and no one was immune to The Face. He could do this.
He had to.
Friday Morning.
When Kendall had been awake for more than twenty minutes on Friday without anything particularly traumatic happening, he started to relax a little bit. James was still giving him weird looks, but had barely said, "Good morning," to him, let alone tried to molest him or anything. Breakfast went as well as it ever did, and Kendall even managed to get into the shower before Carlos and Logan, so there was still some hot water left. Maybe today would be normal.
Well, normal for a day at the Palm Woods.
School was fine, too. They actually got all the way to noon without any musical interludes. Kelly called to let them know Gustavo wouldn't need them for awhile, so Kendall met up with Jo for a picnic lunch.
"This is nice," he said.
"I agree." She smiled. "Just you, and me, and..." She was clearly going to say something about the food or the nice day, but at that exact second, James plopped down between them on the blanket. "...and James," she finished.
"Of course," Kendall sighed.
James held out a Tupperware container. "Kendall! I made you some of my step-mom's famous potato salad. Can't have a picnic without potato salad!"
"Thanks, James," Kendall said, sure he was making a weird face. "But this is kind of a private picnic. Me and my --"
"Friend!" James interrupted. "Your friend, Jo. Who is also my friend. What's up, Jo?"
Jo waved, giving Kendall a look that said clearly SOS. She said, "Hey.... James. Nothing much is up, I'm just... kinda... on this mini-date here. With my --"
"Your very good friend, I know," James said. He threw one arm around Kendall and the other around Jo. "Are you glad we're all such good friends here?"
Jo caught Kendall's eye and he kind of shrugged. "His step-mom's potato salad is really good," he said apologetically.
Jo rolled her eyes and said, "Oh, just give me a fork. By the way, in case you were wondering, this is really not a perfect anniversary date."
James opened the Tupperware and added, "You know, Logan says that you can't call it an anniversary unless it's actually for a year. Something about a prefix."
"Is that so," Jo muttered, though it clearly wasn't a question. She took a forkful of potatoes, glanced at Kendall, who shrugged helplessly, and then at James. Then she launched the potatoes at him, stood up, and stomped away.
James wiped some potato off his face and asked cheerily, "Girls are so temperamental, don't you think?"
Kendall just groaned.
--
Jo watched Kendall and the others leave for Rocque Records and scowled a little. She could see him trying to duck out of James' grip, but James was obviously determined to keep an arm around him or a hand on his back or whatever. Constant touch. It was weird.
Not just weird. New. Old weird things were quirks; new weird things meant something going on. And there was one person who always knew what was going on.
Katie was sitting in the lobby, updating some kind of spreadsheet. Her cash box was in front of her, which meant that yup, Jo had hit the jackpot. She sat down across from Katie and said, "So. Spill."
Katie shut her laptop and said, "It's nothing, really. I wouldn't worry if I were you. James'll stop sometime this evening."
Well, that was good to know. But Jo wasn't that easy to shake. "Stop... being gay for my boyfriend?"
Katie nodded. "I've got the situation under control."
"What situation are we talking about, exactly?"
"Well..." Katie sighed. "You didn't hear it from me. I shouldn't be telling you anything, in case you influence the outcome. But... James and Logan have a bet, and James has until 4:30 today to make out with Kendall if he wants to win."
Ah. That made sense.
For a definition of "made sense" that meant "was completely insane."
"What?"
Katie spread her hands helplessly. "I didn't make it up, I just provide the odds. Don't worry, they're very much in favor of Kendall being totally loyal to you. In fact, if today's studio session goes like yesterday's, they'll be so skewed towards Kendall, I won't be able to cover the line against him for any last-minute bettors."
"Wait, wait." Jo thought it through for a second, then smiled slowly. "What you're saying is that if someone put down some money on James... and James won... someone would stand to make some serious cash?"
"Yeah. If James won," Katie said. "But Kendall's not gay. Which you know better than anyone. So the odds are way against him."
Jo grinned as she stood up. "Never tell me the odds."
--
"Hey, Kendall?"
Kendall jumped a little -- he was starting feel a little paranoid -- but it was just Carlos. In fact, looking around the Rocque Records lobby, he didn't see James anywhere. Thankfully. "What's up?"
Carlos steered him down the hall. "I'm trying to get a... CD. From a shelf in Gustavo's storage closet," he said. Something was off with his tone. Kendall frowned. Something was going on. But before he could figure out what, Carlos continued, "Can't reach it. Just too short, you know? Can you get it for me?"
"Sure, I guess," Kendall said.
Carlos swung the closet door open. Kendall had just enough time to glimpse James inside before the door slammed shut. Kendall turned around immediately and tried to get it back open, but it was locked. He banged, he yelled for Carlos, who had to be right outside, but no one answered. In fact, he was pretty sure he heard the sound of something heavy being lugged across the floor towards the closet. Probably to further bar the door.
Kendall turned back towards James, who was wearing a bright orange and yellow construction worker's outfit. Except it obviously wasn't real. In fact, Kendall was willing to bet it was tear-off.
Great. His best friend was dressed in a costume from Strippers R Us and they were locked in a two-foot square space together.
"Hey, Kendall," James said. In his husky voice.
"No," Kendall said, backing up the two inches until he hit the wall. He held a hand up, trying to hold James off, but it wasn't like there was room for James to go anywhere. James waggled his eyebrows -- again -- and started to speak.
Except Kendall's sense went into high gear and he saw a tiny speck of light glinting off something up near the ceiling and ah ha, thank god. "An air vent! Give me a boost -- wait, no, I take it back, don't touch me, okay? Okay! Bye!" He grabbed for the shelf and hauled himself up, climbing the shelving like a ladder. The vent gave when he pushed on it, and a moment later he was safely in the air ducts.
What the heck had happened to his life that "inside the air ducts" was something he considered safe?
James called up after him, "Hey, nice butt!"
Kendall crawled forward into the dusty duct. Yeah, the duct was safe. The closet with James, not so much.
--
Jo sat in the lobby and kept her eyes on the door. Logan and Carlos had both come in twenty minutes ago -- when she'd pressed Logan, he admitted that Kendall had snuck off to try to avoid James, and James had, of course, followed him. She'd texted Kendall but if he was busy trying to shake James, he might not check his phone and she didn't want to miss him.
Then...
Barking? And screaming?
Kendall ran into the lobby. He looked dazed, his clothing was torn and dirty, and he had a series of cuts down his arm and bruises on his face. She waved him over and he fell into a chair.
"What happened?" she gasped.
"Dogs." He shuddered. "Wild dogs! I don't know how -- I don't know who let them into the park, but they -- I -- if James hadn't come along with that steak to distract them..."
She grabbed his arm and examined one of the cuts. "Did one of them get you? Do you need to get checked for rabies?"
"No... no, that was the bush. I was hiding from James when the dogs..." He blinked a few times, shook his head, and took a deep breath. "I think something's going on with James."
"Uh-duh," she said. "And because I am the greatest girlfriend ever, I found out what."
"You did?"
She glanced at the clock. It was just 3:30, which meant James had an hour until the bet's deadline. Plenty of time. She smiled at Kendall and said, "Let's go get you cleaned up and I'll tell you all about it. In the mean time, tell me one thing."
"What?" he asked, letting her help him to his feet. He still seemed a little dazed.
"Kendall Knight, how would you feel about making some easy money?"
Part 2
Rating/Warnings: T: wacky hijinks and crazy capers, and also embarrassment and misunderstandings. But mostly hijinks.
Pairings: James/Logan and Kendall/Jo, with a lengthy detour through James/Kendall
Disclaimer: Sometimes I think this show was created just for me, but alas, still not mine.
Notes: Enormous thanks to elucreh for the inspiration, poisonivory for the hijinks, and especially lielabell for hand-holding and beta reading. ♥
Summary: "It's not my fault I'm this attractive," James sulked. "I can't help that everyone wants to make out with me."
Logan grinned. Maybe even smirked. "Would you care to make a little wager on that?"
Wednesday.
"Okay. Let's apply logic. You like logic," Carlos said.
"This should be good." Logan leaned back on the couch, tapped his pen against his textbook, and waited. Not that he was going to wait very long. He didn't just have homework to finish: the ACTs were creeping up. Logan wasn't going to risk not getting into his first-choice college if this whole boyband thing fell through. He had some serious studying to do.
"What are you two talking about?" James looked away from his mirror for a second, before he went back to coming his hair. Logan rolled his eyes.
"It's like this," Carlos said. "You should do my homework for me, because if you don't, then I'll fail. And we won't be able to perform or whatever. Gustavo will just make you do it later anyway, so you might as well do it now."
"You have to admit he has a point," James said, sitting down on the couch next to Logan.
"Where's Kendall?" Logan asked instead of answering. Because the sad thing was that Carlos actually did have a point, and Logan needed back up.
James shrugged, kicking his feet up on the coffee table -- also, in fact, on top of Logan's notebook. Logan scowled and glared at him, but James just grinned back.
Carlos filled in, "He's out with Jo. They're busy planning," he made finger quotes, "'the best date ever.' It's their nine-month anniversary or something."
"The prefix 'anni-' implies year, you can't say that for a month --" Logan started.
"This is why we always want you to do our homework," Carlos said.
Logan growled a little and tried to shoo James off of his work. James let his feet fall back to the floor as he pulled his mirror back out. "I made out with Bethany this afternoon," he said.
"Good for you. Now go tell Carlos about it somewhere else, please."
"I'm not going anywhere until you agree to help me."
"I would happily help you," Logan said. "But I'm not going to do it for you."
"And I made out with Jackie yesterday," James continued. "They got into a fight about it, and Jackie shoved Bethany into the pool. Then Bethany pulled her in and they had a dripping wet girlfight over me. It was amazing."
"Yes, yes, that's very nice for you," Logan said, most of the muscles of his body clenched in irritation. "Now would you please go away? I'm trying to work here."
James looked up from his mirror. "And last week --"
"James!" Logan snapped. "I don't want to hear about it!"
James pouted, his stupidly attractive lower lip sticking out, brown eyes earnest. He looked genuinely wounded, which was ridiculous. Logan sighed, and apparently James took that as a cue, because he continued, "Last week, Marissa got that new bikini, did you see it? It's like... the size of a bandanna. And I don't know if it was on purpose or not, but she didn't exactly tie it very well, and when we were in the pool, the knot --"
"I don't want to hear it," Logan interrupted, massaging his temples. It wasn't that he wasn't happy for James, or didn't want James to get some with every single girl at the Palm Woods or whatever, he just... didn't want to hear about it. As fun as it was for James, it was a little gross when he described it, and it seemed like his romantic conquests were all James ever talked about lately.
Though apparently Logan was the only one who thought so. Carlos was obviously impressed. "Did it come all the way off, or --"
"Just untied," James said. "But she let me take it off in the towel closet later. It was pretty amazing. She's only a B-cup, but --"
"That is enough!" Logan yelled.
James looked up, his expression actually genuinely surprised. "What's wrong, Logan?"
"I am trying to work here! You," he jabbed a finger against James' extremely solid chest, "and you," he turned to waggle the finger at Carlos, "are really annoying and distracting! I'm not doing your homework for you, and I really," he turned back to James, "really don't want to hear about your escapades."
"It's not my fault I'm this attractive," James sulked. "I can't help that everyone wants to make out with me."
"Not everyone wants to make out with you," Logan muttered wryly. It was true that James was pretty attractive, but his ego was out of control if he really believed that.
Which, apparently, he did. "Um, yes they do," James said. "Seriously, I don't think there's a single person at the Palm Woods who wouldn't make out with me."
Logan started to answer, then stopped, an inkling of an idea occurring to him. A way to shut James up, and not just for today. He tapped his hand against his knee and said, "Is that a fact?"
"That everyone wants to make out with me? Duh."
"No, that you're sure there's no one at the Palm Woods who doesn't want to make out with you," Logan corrected. A small difference, but an important one.
"Fact," James said simply.
Logan grinned. Maybe even smirked. "Would you care to make a little wager on that?"
"Huh?"
"Yeah," Logan said, nodding. "Yeah, let's do this, if you're so sure. I am willing bet you that I can think of someone who lives at the Palm Woods who will never, ever, under any circumstances, make out with you."
"Whoa," Carlos said. "Them's fighting words. Awesome. James?"
"So what, you pick someone, we make out, I win?" James said.
"Or I pick someone, you don't make out, and I win," Logan agreed.
"How long does he have?" Carlos put in. "I mean, like, does he only get one try? Or a day? Or what?"
Logan looked at James, who shrugged. "Two days?" Logan suggested.
"I won't need that long," James answered confidently. "But sure. Two days. That gives me until..." He looked at the clock. "Four-thirty, Friday. So what do I get when I win?"
"If you win," Logan corrected. "Which you won't."
"Which I will. Wait!" James grinned. "I've got it. When I win --"
"If."
"-- you have to be my wingman. Forever. Or at least until I get my driver's license," James said. "Because I need someone to drive me places."
Logan groaned. He had finally gotten his license, which was great, except he couldn't afford gas for the BTR-mobile on his own. He mostly drove around his friends and they all split the cost... but they wanted to go out a lot more than he did, and he was already a little bit tired of playing chauffer for Kendall's and Jo's dates. The idea of doing the same for James and his girl-of-the-week... He shuddered. A fate worse than death. And he'd never get any studying done.
On the other hand, he was pretty sure he was going to win the bet. James was handsome, true, but he was also stupid, and obviously not thinking this through very well. Logan smiled.
"Fine. You win, and I'm your wingman forever," he agreed. "But if I win," he paused for dramatic emphasis, "you can never, ever tell me about your escapades again. No stories about making out, or groping girls in the closet, or -- or whatever else you do. Not to me and not where I can hear you. Ever again."
James furrowed his eyebrows, seeming deep in thought. Logan wondered what he was considering, since it wasn't like it was a huge deal. He wouldn't be able to talk about what he got up to, but it wasn't like Logan was forcing him to not make out with a succession of random girls or whatever. He just didn't want to hear about it.
Finally, James said, "Deal."
"Shake on it," Carlos instructed.
Logan held out his hand. James shook it. His grip was firm and warm, and his smile was excited.
"So who's the lucky lady?" James asked.
Logan chuckled, relaxing on the couch. "Who said anything about lady? I just said I'd pick someone at the Palm Woods. I never said a girl."
James let out a little yelp, eyes going wide. He turned to Carlos, obviously looking for someone impartial to referee, but Carlos was laughing so hard that he fell off the couch. Finally he managed, between guffaws, "Oh man, he totally got you! You said anyone, he said anyone..." He trailed off, grinning.
"Fine," James said, but he sounded a little panicked. "So who...?"
Logan smirked. "Well, let me see... there's always Buddha Bob... or Mr. Bitters --"
James let out another yelp.
"Or..." Logan snapped his fingers, thinking aloud. "I don't know. What about Mrs. Knight? She's a girl, but Kendall would beat the crap out of..."
An idea struck him like lightning and he laughed.
James and Carlos both stared at him. Finally, Carlos demanded, "What? Who?"
Logan grinned. "Kendall."
It was perfect. It wasn't just that Kendall was the straightest guy Logan knew, it was that he had an insane loyalty complex. Even if he did have an occasional passing thought about guys -- which he didn't, Logan was sure -- he would never, ever cheat on Jo. And even if he did consider cheating on Jo, and it was going to be with a guy, James was his best friend, and friends just didn't think of other friends that way.
Yup. Perfect.
He could tell James knew it, too. James' mouth dropped open and he froze in place, sitting on the couch, just staring at Logan. Carlos, meanwhile, was now laughing so hard he was curled up into a ball, shaking, and in serious danger of concussing himself on the edge of the coffee table.
Eventually James said, "Okay. I can... I can work with that." But his voice cracked, so Logan knew it was a desperate lie. James stood up and added, "I've got to go prepare myself. Just you wait, Logan. Just. You. Wait."
Then he ran away, and Logan cackled. Carlos finally managed to crawl back up onto the couch, grinning ear to ear. "The next two days are going to be amazing," he said. "So about my homework...?"
"No."
"But --"
"Carlos, I just got James out of my hair. I have a very short window to get actual work done. I mean this in the nicest way possible: go away."
"I'll go away if you do my homework for me."
"No!"
"Fine." Carlos stood up. "I'm going to go make popcorn. Because watching Kendall and James is going to be better than a movie."
That was true. Logan thought about asking him to share, but he'd only share in exchange for Logan doing his homework. Logan didn't even have to ask to know that.
"So what do you think is going to happen?" Carlos called as he put the popcorn in the microwave.
"Uh, duh, I made a bet on it," Logan called back.
"Yeah, but you really think... I mean, it's James," Carlos said.
"Yeah," Logan said. "And it's Kendall."
"Yeah, but... I mean, you've seen James work. He always gets the girl."
"Kendall's not a girl."
"But James has the face."
"But Kendall is Kendall."
"But James is James," Carlos said. "Check and mate, my friend."
"Do you even know what game you get checkmate in?"
"Checkers, duh," Carlos said.
Logan nodded. Naturally. But if Carlos was ridiculous enough to think that, and ridiculous enough to think James had even a snowball's chance in heck of winning... Hmmm.
"Carlos, how would you feel about making a bet?"
"On James?" Carlos practically ran over and vaulted the back of the couch, landing next to Logan. "What are we betting?"
"If I win, you have to do your own homework. Every night. I'll help," Logan added quickly, "if you need it, but you sit down and you open your book and you actually do it. Okay?"
"Every night?" Carlos made a face. He usually did homework at most once a week, which was why his grades were so very, very bad. "Okay, fine. And if I win -- I mean, if James wins -- you do it for me For the rest of the year."
"But then you won't learn anything!"
Carlos shrugged. "You want to bet or not? It was your idea."
"Fine." Because there was absolutely no way he was going to lose. Kendall was straight, James was an idiot, and Carlos was a sucker. He shook Carlos' hand, and Carlos got up to get his popcorn, leaving Logan to finally, finally get to work.
For about five seconds. Then the door blew open and Kendall announced, "It's official. Perfect dates are cost prohibitive!" He stormed over and threw himself down on the couch dramatically.
Logan sighed and reached for his notebook. On the one hand, he thought he should ask Kendall about it -- that was the sort of thing friends did -- but on the other, he really wanted to get some work done. He scribbled a note on his study guide, then looked over at Kendall expectantly.
"Almost all of my money goes to the college fund," Kendall complained loudly. "I spent my allowance on gas and last week's date, so I've got nothing, and all of Jo's money goes into her trust fund, which she can't touch until she's twenty-five!"
"That's rough," Logan said, trying to sound more sincere than he felt. All of all of their money from the band went into sealed college funds, which was basically fine by him, since he didn't spend much, and had no problem saving for the things he wanted. (He had his eye on a top-of-the-line graphing calculator, and was carefully putting aside money and pretending he wasn't so none of his friends would try to borrow it.)
"It's not fair! We've been together for longer than any other couple at the Palm Woods, but we can't even go anywhere nicer than Fun Burger."
"You could try saving up for the next three months," Logan suggested. "Then it would actually be your anniversary."
Kendall didn't look pleased by the suggestion. Logan shrugged and went back to his notes while Carlos sat down with a bowl of popcorn, which Kendall immediately helped himself to. Logan tried to block them out, but before he could focus on his work, James strutted into the room and said, "Hey, Kendall's home! Look at that. Hello, Kendall."
Logan looked up. The first thing he saw was that James had used his few minutes to change, and was now wearing what he called his Model Costume: a clingy v-neck with short sleeves that showed off his arms, a black vest, and jeans that were just tight enough. Not skinny, but fitted to show off his... well, his everything. And then there was James' face, which just wasn't fair. He was gorgeous without foundation or lipgloss or whatever it was he'd put on, but now...
James had a very intent gaze focused on Kendall. Except James didn't gaze. He smoldered.
Logan panicked. There was handsome, and then there was this.
But Kendall just gave James a weird look and said, "Um, hey, James. What's... what's up?"
"Can you do me a favor?" James asked. "I think I've got something in my eye. Can you come see if you can see what it is?"
Logan swallowed. This was one of James' tricks, he just knew it. If Kendall looked into James' eyes, he was a goner. Logan wanted to do something -- maybe yell, "It's a trap!" or tackle Kendall to the carpet or something -- but he felt frozen to the spot, as if James' magic spell was working on him instead of Kendall.
Kendall glanced at Logan and Carlos, shrugged, and stood up. He walked over to James, who was still smoldering at him. He leaned forward, squinting, peering into James' eyes.
Then said, "I don't see anything."
"Are you sure?" James asked, voice low and husky. "Look harder."
Kendall's expression was dubious, but he dutifully peered into James' eyes for another few seconds. Then said, "Nope, sorry. But if it's bothering you, you should call the doctor." He stepped around James, heading towards the hall, and added, "I've got to go search restaurant listings. Somewhere out there is a perfect blend of classy and cheap."
He left.
James deflated.
Carlos laughed.
And Logan smirked. Oh yeah. Momentary panic aside, this was the greatest idea he'd ever had.
--
James stared at himself in his mirror and said, "You can do this. You are James Diamond. You are The Face. You can do this."
His reflection nodded -- okay, so he nodded, but so did his reflection. He could do this. It wouldn't be easy, but...
He sighed and sat on his bed, still examining his face. It was flawless. Why hadn't it worked on Kendall?
He scowled at his reflection. Because his heart wasn't in it. That was why.
When Logan had dropped the bomb that he was going to pick a boy for James, James' heart had leapt. He'd thought, for just one hopeful moment, that Logan was masterminding something else entirely -- that Logan would name himself, that James would finally have an excuse to crawl on top of him and pin him down and kiss him and --
Whoa. No point in following that train of thought all the way through, at least not when Logan had given James exactly zero signs that he was interested. James had been watching for those signs very carefully. He'd spent months dropping hints, flat-out telling Logan how great a kisser he was, how much fun he was on dates, how much absolutely everyone wanted him, and he'd been waiting and waiting for Logan to get curious enough to give him a chance.
Nothing for months, and now this.
It was weird. The idea of kissing Kendall for a bet didn't phase James at all. James would make it happen, and he and Kendall would laugh it off later. But the idea of kissing Logan...
Just the thought of it left him a little desperate. But he had to ignore that. He had to concentrate. He had to win, because aside from proving to Logan that he was, in fact, so handsome and amazing that everyone with good sense (something Logan usually possessed) would want him, he would get unlimited time with Logan. Which meant that eventually Logan would fall for him. It was only a matter of time. So yeah, he had to win this bet.
"You can do this," he said to his reflection again, as he got up and headed towards his closet. "Just think sexy."
--
"Heyyyy... baby sister?"
"Talk to me," Katie said from her perch at the kitchen counter.
Kendall plopped down on the stool next to her and said, "You know I would normally never ask you for this kind of favor."
"How much?"
Logan started laughing from the living room couch, where he was still studying from some enormous textbook. Kendall grabbed a grape out of his mom's fruit bowl and chucked it at him, soliciting a yelp of, "Hey! Doing homework, over here!" Kendall turned back to Katie, but had to look over again when the door opened and Logan said, "Wait, you're helping him?"
Carlos was walking into 2J, dragging some kind of fancy lighting equipment that looked like he'd stolen it from Marcos Delposey. "Uh, yeah."
"You can't do that!"
"We never said anything about it one way or the other," Carlos said, lugging the equipment towards their bedrooms. He yelled, "Hey, James, did you want the dusty rose gel or the desert rose gel?"
"I don't even want to know," Kendall said, shaking his head. He turned back to Katie. "Just a hundred bucks. For a fancy date. We're going to dress up nicely, go somewhere that doesn't offer crayons on the table..." He clasped his hands together, begging. "Please?"
"For you, big brother? Of course." She smiled. "And I'll even drop my interest rate down to five percent a week."
"Say whaaa?"
"I'm happy to loan you the money, but I've got to make some profit, right? And a hundred is such a nice round number, even you can do the math."
He turned to Logan, who was watching over his shoulder. "It's five bucks a week for every week you don't pay her back," Logan explained.
"But it could take me a couple months to save that much up! That's why I'm asking in the first place!"
Katie shrugged and started to answer him, but an explosion from down the hall rocked the whole apartment. Black smoke roiled from the general area of their bedrooms, bringing the scent of burning body glitter with it.
Wow, Kendall had been living with James for way too long, considering he recognized the smell.
"I've got the extinguisher! Don't panic!" Carlos screamed from somewhere out of sight, as the fire alarm went off.
"You think I should check on that?" Kendall asked.
"I wouldn't," Logan said.
Kendall used his hand to fan some of the smoke away from his face and said, "Any chance of a loan with no interest? Because you love me?"
"Sorry, big brother."
"Oh, well. Worth a shot." Kendall sighed. Back to square one. He hopped off the stool to go meet Jo so they could discuss their options.
--
Three hours later, he and Jo had taken a very nice walk in the park, played Frisbee, went for smoothies, and spent the whole time trying to brainstorm cheap alternatives to fancy dates. Unfortunately, while there was plenty of stuff to do in LA, it was mostly really expensive. Or at least moderately expensive, which was still more than they could afford.
He sighed wistfully and waved as he walked past Carlos, Logan, and Katie, who were watching Varsity Vampire on cable together on the couch. (Or at least, Carlos and Katie were watching; Logan was reading something in his textbook and chewing on his highlighter's cap.)
"Any luck?" Carlos asked.
"No. I'm gonna sleep on it. Maybe it'll come to me in a dream," Kendall answered.
"'Night," Logan said distractedly, highlighting something in his book.
Kendall pushed the door of his and Logan's room open, already reaching for his t-shirt's hem to pull it off, and froze in his tracks.
James was lying on his bed.
Not lying. Lounging.
He was also wearing a long, shiny robe, which was hanging open to reveal he'd oiled up his chest. A fan was blowing, gently rustling James' hair, and James had a rose clenched between his teeth.
A rose.
Kendall turned around, walked out, and shut the door behind him. "Guys, why is James doing a Fabio photoshoot in my bed?"
Logan just threw his head back and laughed.
--
James scowled as he slid his robe back onto its hanger. He opened the closet to put it away, but had to shift all of Carlos' hockey gear out of the way --
Hockey gear. It was like a light bulb turned on over his head.
If Kendall was going to be attracted to a guy, it wasn't going to be the Fabio fantasy, romance novel thing. That had been the totally wrong tack to take. No, no, no. There was a much more direct route to Kendall Knight's heart. Or libido. Whichever.
--
Bedtime, take two. Kendall had decided it was safest to just watch the movie with Katie, but now that it had hit the ending strains of Hoop Screams (Dak Zevon's final number), he figured he'd given James plenty of time to finish up... well, whatever it was James had been doing.
So he got up, brushed his teeth, and walked to his bedroom. He opened the door and --
James was lounging on his bed, wearing a hockey jersey and skates, licking -- licking -- the curved end of a hockey stick. He said, "Hello... Kendall," and waggled his eyebrows lasciviously.
Kendall blinked at him, then announced, "Okay, I'll sleep on the couch."
Thursday.
Weekday breakfasts in 2J were frenetic, crazy affairs. Katie's mom was notoriously not a morning person, which meant that she barely rolled out of bed in time to get everyone else out of bed on time. Even when she had great intentions of providing a complete breakfast -- fresh fruit, bacon, eggs, pancakes, the works -- everyone usually ended up with a couple of bowls of cereal and maybe some orange juice, and there was also always plenty of yelling about who needed access to the bathroom when and for how long, and everyone frantically getting dressed and trying to find their shoes and whatever, and basically by the time everyone was ready to roll out to school or the studio, the day was off to an exhausting start.
Usually.
Thursday, when Katie got out of bed (a good hour before her mom -- it wasn't that Katie was a morning person, it was that she liked to shower and she didn't feel like fighting with four idiots to get into the bathroom) James was already awake. She raised her eyebrows. He was dressed to the nines, humming brightly, and making breakfast on the stove.
"What's going on?" she asked.
"Nothing," James sing-songed. He paused to rustle her hair, then went back to cooking.
"James, you don't..." She gestured at the kitchen counter, which was covered in batter-caked bowls, eggshells, and flour. "And did you already do your beauty regimen? How early did you get up?"
"Four," he said. "Gotta get a good jump on the day. Breakfast is the most important meal."
She blinked at him. "You're being weird, and I'm going to get to the bottom of it. After I shower."
"You are a very suspicious little girl, Katie," James said, as she pushed past him towards the bathroom.
Suspicious? Katie glanced back at him. Yes, she was a little suspicious. Because James Diamond seemed to have been replaced by a pod person who knew how to cook. Something was definitely going on.
--
Kendall yawned as he sank into place at the kitchen counter. His eyes were still glued shut, and he could hear Carlos singing in the shower from where he sat. He groaned, crossed his arms on the counter, and lowered his head to rest on them, shutting out the world for a moment of quiet darkness.
Someone set a plate down on the counter next to him. It smelled delicious. He pried his eyes open, turned his head, and --
"Morning, sleepyhead!"
Kendall jolted up so quickly he almost fell off his stool and had to flail for balance. Because whatever he'd expected, it wasn't for James to be right there, almost nose to nose with him, batting his eyelashes.
James straightened up and said, "I made you breakfast." He nudged a plate further towards Kendall. It was stacked high with pancakes and bacon. "The pancakes are chocolate chip. Your favorite!"
"Did you do something bad?" Kendall asked, peering at the pancakes suspiciously. "Seriously, did you break my favorite hockey stick or something?"
"I wouldn't do that!" James yelped, then cleared his throat and said, "No, no. I just... felt like being... nice. To you." He waggled his eyebrows. He was doing that a lot lately, Kendall noticed vaguely. Then James reached for a canister of whipped cream and offered, "Want any? Here." He sprayed a dot of it onto his finger and held it out towards Kendall.
Kendall slid off of his stool, wheeled around, and pounded on the bathroom door, yelling, "Carlos! I still need to shower!"
Behind him, James muttered, "Darn it!"
--
Katie crossed her arms and stared at the idiots. They had class this morning, and even though there were technically different grades at the Palm Woods school, there was only the one classroom. So even though she was in a different class, she could see and hear everything they did clearly.
She narrowed her eyes at James, who was watching the clock more than the teacher, then turned her gaze to Kendall (who was passing notes back and forth with Jo), Carlos (who was staring out the window longingly), and Logan (who was actually paying attention, of course).
At the front of the room, Miss Collins announced, "We're going to talk about political geography today. The UN has 193 member states, and I know a lot of you kids are international travelers, from filming on location or going on tour. Let's see how many we can name."
"Does it have to be only countries we've been to?" Logan asked. "Or just countries we can name?"
Miss Collins sighed. "Any country you can name, Logan. Go for it."
Logan began ticking off countries, while Miss Collins scrambled to keep up with him, writing on the board. He had them all memorized by the date they were admitted to the UN -- of course he did. Katie herself was no slouch in the genius department, but she liked to think she used her smarts a little more practically and less... geekily, honestly.
"Wait, wait, wait," James interrupted as Logan hit Djibouti. "You want to know how I learned everything I know about geography?"
"Oh, this should be great," Logan muttered to himself.
"See, everything I know, I learned from a romantic little song I like to call..." James slid out from behind his desk, and Katie facepalmed preemptively as Carlos hit play on a stereo, "Worldwide."
Then it was too late to stop him. James went all-out, belting the entire song -- something about Paris, London, Tokyo, which meant it was at least vaguely topical, impressive given how incredibly not bright James was -- while dancing. He was energetic, if not very well choreographed, effortlessly jumping up onto Kendall's desk, as if it were his own personal stage.
In fact, James was pretty clearly doing the whole number directly to Kendall. His gaze was fixed, the dance was centered around him, and sure enough, as James finished, he slid down the aisle between desks, coming to a stop on one knee right next to Kendall, and he took Kendall's hand.
Kendall stared at him with rising horror on his face. After a second, he snatched his hand back and turned to Jo, open-mouthed. Jo's eyebrows were somewhere in the vicinity of her hairline, and she was staring at James, too.
James hadn't moved an inch, Katie noted. He was just looking up at Kendall. Hopefully? Desperately? Something like that. Katie couldn't quite make it out from where she was sitting.
The room remained so silent and still that Katie could practically hear crickets chirping. Then, mercifully, Logan began to laugh. It started as a quiet chuckle, something he obviously tried to stifle, but grew into a huge belly laugh that had him shaking in his chair, and moments later, everyone else joined him.
"James!" Miss Collins tried, but she could barely be heard over the class.
"What was that?" Kendall demanded, only audible over the crowd because the pitch his voice hit was really impressive.
"Just trying to make your day a little brighter, jeez," James said, standing. He brushed some dust off his jeans, shrugged, and sat back down at his seat. Weirdly, where anyone else in the entire world would probably just have run out of the room, ready to kill themselves from embarrassment, James just looked mildly grumpy.
It took Miss Collins a few minutes to get the class back on track. Katie spent most of that time stealing looks at the idiots, trying to figure out what was going on. On the surface it was pretty clear -- James was suddenly, horrifically crushing on Kendall -- but it was Logan's reaction that baffled her. Every time James acted like a weirdo, Logan found it hilarious.
Which, sure, it kind of was. But Logan was one of the most easily-embarrassed people she knew. So much so that he should have been embarrassed for James, not having the time of his life watching James.
Thankfully, James stayed quiet for the rest of class. Miss Collins let them all go for their various jobs noon, and as everyone filed out, Katie grabbed Logan's ear, dragged him over towards James, grabbed James' ear, and dragged them both off to a corner of the lobby.
"What's the scam?" she demanded.
They exchanged panicked looks. "I have no idea what you're talking about," James said, while Logan laughed awkwardly and gestured crazily. They were not exactly good at this whole faking innocent thing.
"Really? So I'm just supposed to believe that after being best friends for fifteen years, you've fallen madly in love with Kendall out of the blue?"
"What? No, ew!" James yelped, then, "I mean, yes. Yes, I have."
She raised a single eyebrow and turned to Logan. Logan was always the weak link in their group, lying-wise. "Logan," she said, drawing the name out and crossing her arms. He started squirming immediately. "Do you think that I'm stupid?"
"No!" Logan squeaked. "No, no, you're actually frightening intelligent for a pre-teen."
"I'm frighteningly intelligent for anyone. Which is why I know that you're lying. So spill."
It came tumbling out of his mouth immediately: "I kind of maybe sort of bet James that he's not as handsome and seductive as he thinks he is and now he has to prove he is by trying to seduce Kendall before tomorrow afternoon and he is totally going to lose, ha!"
The last was directly at James, who scowled. "I am totally going to win! I am just warming up. Just you wait, Logan. Just you wait for me to get going."
"Seriously?" Katie looked back and forth between the two of them, but they were now busy taunting each other, complete with not-so-friendly shoves. She put her fingers to her lips and whistled, the way Kendall had taught her to when she was five, and they both turned back to her. She repeated, "Neither one of you realized I'd want a piece of the action, here? I want in."
"Huh?" James asked.
Katie ignored him, the money-making gears in her mind already whirling. "Thanks for the info. I have to go plan."
She left them both behind, giving her weird looks. Not that she cared if they were confused, since she had way more important things to contemplate.
Oh, yeah. Katie was gonna make a bundle off this.
--
On the one hand, Logan was getting more and more confident as each hour crept by. Kendall seemed horrified, but otherwise unmoved, by James' attempts at seduction.
On the other hand, Logan figured that if Kendall were going to break, it would happen at Rocque Records, where they were all locked together in very tight quarters for hours at a time.
They gathered around the piano with lyrics sheets, going through a new song for the first time. It was a ballad, which meant, of course, it was also a love song. A love song about falling for your best friend -- the person who'd always been there. James caught Logan's gaze and smirked as they finished up the first read through. There was no way he could have planned this, but it definitely set a tone.
Especially when they moved into the studio to lay down vocals. Logan tried to squeeze between Kendall and James, but James wasn't having any of it, and shouldered him out of the way easily. Which wasn't fair, since James had almost six inches on him, and significantly broader shoulders.
And it really, really wasn't fair when James not-so-casually leaned into Kendall's personal space to get to the microphone. That left him singing the song's intro softly in Kendall's ear. Then --
Then --
Logan's brain shorted out a little bit. James finished his part and tongue darted out and he licked Kendall's earlobe. Logan's heart was thumping somewhere in the vicinity of his throat and he had a horrible mental image of Kendall turning around, pushing James up against the wall, and --
Kendall shrieked and flailed and pushed as far away from James as he could. Which wasn't far, given how tiny the booth was, but Kendall also grabbed Carlos shoved him into position between James and himself, human-shield style. Then demanded, "What the hell was that?"
"What was what?" James asked innocently.
"DOGS! WHAT IS GOING ON UP THERE! HEEL!"
"You are being weird," Kendall hissed at James. "Stop it."
"I'm not doing anything," James sulked.
Logan let out a relieved breath. Thank god.
Not that the one defeat stopped James. Kendall made sure to keep as far away from James as he could in the sound booth, but once they were in the dance studio, where they stood was entirely up to Mr. X, who had no patience for Kendall's squeamishness. And the thing about new choreography was, it was difficult. Logan had a hard time learning the steps well enough that he didn't have to look at his feet, let alone adding in everything else. And sure, it came way more naturally to James and Kendall, so while there was always a fair amount of collisions and tripping over one another, it wasn't usually from those two.
Except today it was.
Not two, not three, but four times, they somehow went sprawling, landing in a tangle of limbs. The first couple of times, Kendall laughed it off awkwardly. The third time, he rolled off of James as quickly as humanly possible, looking a little panicked.
The fourth time, Kendall landed with his back to the floor and James' bulk over him, pinning him in place. They were chest to chest, practically nose to nose, and Logan had another nightmare image -- all Kendall had to do was tip his chin up slightly towards James and oh god, who wouldn't, with James right there? -- but Kendall somehow got a hand on James' shoulder and shoved him off.
"I can't work like this!" Kendall squawked, retreating once again.
"Diva," Carlos accused him.
Logan, who finally remembered how to breathe, reached over and smacked the back of Carlos' head. James sulked, Kendall hid, and Mr. X declared, "That was ex-criment! Starting places! I ex-pect better this time!"
After that, Logan didn't have much time to concentrate on what James got up to. He was too busy trying not to trip over his own feet, and only managed to scowl in annoyance when James crashed into him, giving him an apologetic smile before getting back to work.
--
Logan was exhausted and achy by the time they returned to the Palm Woods, the late afternoon sun beating down. Kendall said something about checking job listings and took off as soon as they stepped out of the car, and James yelled, "Wait, I'll help!" and ran after him.
"You are so going down," Logan said to Carlos.
"That's what the odds say, but personally, I'm not convinced."
They both spun to find Camille -- wearing a 70s disco dress and enormous platform shoes, for some reason -- standing behind them.
"What are you talking about?" Logan asked.
Camille led them into the lobby and pointed at Katie, who was sitting at one of the tables, laptop and cash box in front of her, deep in conversation with one of the kids from their Palm Woods classes.
"What's she doing?" Carlos asked.
"Laying the odds and taking percentages. Duh," Camille said. "When word got around about the whole bet situation, no one could resist. She's taking ten percent of every bet placed and finding people on both sides to bet against each other -- apparently not a lot of people think James has a snowball's chance. Last I knew, it was 60/40 against him."
"Take that," Logan said. "And Katie can't even have known about all of his abject failures at the studio."
"Oooh, no, but I'll go tell her," Camille said, and started off.
"Camille!" Carlos called.
She turned around to face them again. "What?"
"Who did you bet on?"
"Why... why do you ask?"
Carlos raised his eyebrows.
Finally, Camille confessed, "Well, just from personal experience... I mean... sometimes it's really hard not to kiss James. Gotta go, bye!"
She ran away. Logan scowled, and Carlos taunted, "Take that."
--
Kendall sat down on the pool chair, pulled his sunglasses on, tucked his arms behind his head, and finally, finally relaxed. It had been a weird, long day. His job search hadn't turned up anything, so the perfect date issue was on hold; and since Jo was still at the studio, he decided to just chill.
And he did. For nearly fifteen minutes.
Then he heard an enormous ruckus from the pool, and looked up. James was in the water, flailing wildly, shrieking for help. Except he was in the shallow end and could easily stand on the bottom, so he wasn't drowning, or even in vague danger of drowning.
Kendall watched over the top of his glasses as James hauled himself out of the pool, sputtering and flopping, coughing. Fake coughing. He somehow staggered to the foot of Kendall's chair, and yelled, "Mouth to mouth! Kendall, I need mouth to mouth. Help me!"
"You don't need mouth to mouth, James."
"Yes, I do!"
"No, you don't. You're breathing fine. You're talking."
"I -- but -- help me!"
"Also, I don't know mouth to mouth."
"But... But... Kendall!"
Kendall sighed and called to the pool area at large, "Does anyone here know mouth to mouth?"
There was a lot of shuffling and mumbling, and Kendall wondered how the Palm Woods got away with operating a pool with no life guard whatsoever, but finally someone said, "I do."
It was the unmistakable rumble of Buddha Bob's voice. Kendall smirked down at James as he announced, "James really, really needs your help."
Then as Buddha Bob came over, Kendall retreated, but paused in the doorway to look back. James was now flailing, running, as Buddha Bob chased him. Then Kendall headed up to 2J, hurried to the room he and Logan shared, and locked the door. He'd let Logan in later, but for now, he just needed a break.
--
James paced. This was stressful, and stress caused wrinkles and made hair fall out and all kinds of nasty things. It was not supposed to be happening like this!
"Dude, calm down, you're freaking me out," Carlos said.
"I can't calm down!" James yelped. Then he lowered his voice, because Kendall and Logan were just down the hall in their room, and he didn't exactly want to be overheard. "I can't lose this bet, Carlos. I can't."
"What's the big deal?" Carlos asked. "I mean, I don't want to do my homework every night, but this isn't exactly life and death or anything."
"It is for me!"
"Why?" Carlos asked.
"Because if I lose, I can't -- you know -- make out all the time!"
"Yes you can," Carlos said. "The bet's that you can't talk about it, not that you can't do it."
"What's the point of doing it if I can't tell anyone?"
"You can still tell everyone but Logan."
"Well, yeah, but I -- I can't -- arg!" He threw himself down on the couch. He knew Carlos was right. Ultimately, honestly, the bet was not a big deal at all. Even if he lost the chance to make Logan spend infinite time with him as his wingman, that wasn't a huge deal, since they spent most of their time together anyway.
He just... he wanted Logan to have no choice but to admit that everyone wanted him. Everyone. Because "everyone" would have to include Logan, wouldn't it? Logan would have to give him a chance, then, and all he needed was a chance.
"Sleep on it," Carlos suggested. "You've still got until 4:30 tomorrow. No need to panic yet. Right?"
"Right," James said. He still had plenty of time. And plenty of ideas. Kendall couldn't hide from him forever, and no one was immune to The Face. He could do this.
He had to.
Friday Morning.
When Kendall had been awake for more than twenty minutes on Friday without anything particularly traumatic happening, he started to relax a little bit. James was still giving him weird looks, but had barely said, "Good morning," to him, let alone tried to molest him or anything. Breakfast went as well as it ever did, and Kendall even managed to get into the shower before Carlos and Logan, so there was still some hot water left. Maybe today would be normal.
Well, normal for a day at the Palm Woods.
School was fine, too. They actually got all the way to noon without any musical interludes. Kelly called to let them know Gustavo wouldn't need them for awhile, so Kendall met up with Jo for a picnic lunch.
"This is nice," he said.
"I agree." She smiled. "Just you, and me, and..." She was clearly going to say something about the food or the nice day, but at that exact second, James plopped down between them on the blanket. "...and James," she finished.
"Of course," Kendall sighed.
James held out a Tupperware container. "Kendall! I made you some of my step-mom's famous potato salad. Can't have a picnic without potato salad!"
"Thanks, James," Kendall said, sure he was making a weird face. "But this is kind of a private picnic. Me and my --"
"Friend!" James interrupted. "Your friend, Jo. Who is also my friend. What's up, Jo?"
Jo waved, giving Kendall a look that said clearly SOS. She said, "Hey.... James. Nothing much is up, I'm just... kinda... on this mini-date here. With my --"
"Your very good friend, I know," James said. He threw one arm around Kendall and the other around Jo. "Are you glad we're all such good friends here?"
Jo caught Kendall's eye and he kind of shrugged. "His step-mom's potato salad is really good," he said apologetically.
Jo rolled her eyes and said, "Oh, just give me a fork. By the way, in case you were wondering, this is really not a perfect anniversary date."
James opened the Tupperware and added, "You know, Logan says that you can't call it an anniversary unless it's actually for a year. Something about a prefix."
"Is that so," Jo muttered, though it clearly wasn't a question. She took a forkful of potatoes, glanced at Kendall, who shrugged helplessly, and then at James. Then she launched the potatoes at him, stood up, and stomped away.
James wiped some potato off his face and asked cheerily, "Girls are so temperamental, don't you think?"
Kendall just groaned.
--
Jo watched Kendall and the others leave for Rocque Records and scowled a little. She could see him trying to duck out of James' grip, but James was obviously determined to keep an arm around him or a hand on his back or whatever. Constant touch. It was weird.
Not just weird. New. Old weird things were quirks; new weird things meant something going on. And there was one person who always knew what was going on.
Katie was sitting in the lobby, updating some kind of spreadsheet. Her cash box was in front of her, which meant that yup, Jo had hit the jackpot. She sat down across from Katie and said, "So. Spill."
Katie shut her laptop and said, "It's nothing, really. I wouldn't worry if I were you. James'll stop sometime this evening."
Well, that was good to know. But Jo wasn't that easy to shake. "Stop... being gay for my boyfriend?"
Katie nodded. "I've got the situation under control."
"What situation are we talking about, exactly?"
"Well..." Katie sighed. "You didn't hear it from me. I shouldn't be telling you anything, in case you influence the outcome. But... James and Logan have a bet, and James has until 4:30 today to make out with Kendall if he wants to win."
Ah. That made sense.
For a definition of "made sense" that meant "was completely insane."
"What?"
Katie spread her hands helplessly. "I didn't make it up, I just provide the odds. Don't worry, they're very much in favor of Kendall being totally loyal to you. In fact, if today's studio session goes like yesterday's, they'll be so skewed towards Kendall, I won't be able to cover the line against him for any last-minute bettors."
"Wait, wait." Jo thought it through for a second, then smiled slowly. "What you're saying is that if someone put down some money on James... and James won... someone would stand to make some serious cash?"
"Yeah. If James won," Katie said. "But Kendall's not gay. Which you know better than anyone. So the odds are way against him."
Jo grinned as she stood up. "Never tell me the odds."
--
"Hey, Kendall?"
Kendall jumped a little -- he was starting feel a little paranoid -- but it was just Carlos. In fact, looking around the Rocque Records lobby, he didn't see James anywhere. Thankfully. "What's up?"
Carlos steered him down the hall. "I'm trying to get a... CD. From a shelf in Gustavo's storage closet," he said. Something was off with his tone. Kendall frowned. Something was going on. But before he could figure out what, Carlos continued, "Can't reach it. Just too short, you know? Can you get it for me?"
"Sure, I guess," Kendall said.
Carlos swung the closet door open. Kendall had just enough time to glimpse James inside before the door slammed shut. Kendall turned around immediately and tried to get it back open, but it was locked. He banged, he yelled for Carlos, who had to be right outside, but no one answered. In fact, he was pretty sure he heard the sound of something heavy being lugged across the floor towards the closet. Probably to further bar the door.
Kendall turned back towards James, who was wearing a bright orange and yellow construction worker's outfit. Except it obviously wasn't real. In fact, Kendall was willing to bet it was tear-off.
Great. His best friend was dressed in a costume from Strippers R Us and they were locked in a two-foot square space together.
"Hey, Kendall," James said. In his husky voice.
"No," Kendall said, backing up the two inches until he hit the wall. He held a hand up, trying to hold James off, but it wasn't like there was room for James to go anywhere. James waggled his eyebrows -- again -- and started to speak.
Except Kendall's sense went into high gear and he saw a tiny speck of light glinting off something up near the ceiling and ah ha, thank god. "An air vent! Give me a boost -- wait, no, I take it back, don't touch me, okay? Okay! Bye!" He grabbed for the shelf and hauled himself up, climbing the shelving like a ladder. The vent gave when he pushed on it, and a moment later he was safely in the air ducts.
What the heck had happened to his life that "inside the air ducts" was something he considered safe?
James called up after him, "Hey, nice butt!"
Kendall crawled forward into the dusty duct. Yeah, the duct was safe. The closet with James, not so much.
--
Jo sat in the lobby and kept her eyes on the door. Logan and Carlos had both come in twenty minutes ago -- when she'd pressed Logan, he admitted that Kendall had snuck off to try to avoid James, and James had, of course, followed him. She'd texted Kendall but if he was busy trying to shake James, he might not check his phone and she didn't want to miss him.
Then...
Barking? And screaming?
Kendall ran into the lobby. He looked dazed, his clothing was torn and dirty, and he had a series of cuts down his arm and bruises on his face. She waved him over and he fell into a chair.
"What happened?" she gasped.
"Dogs." He shuddered. "Wild dogs! I don't know how -- I don't know who let them into the park, but they -- I -- if James hadn't come along with that steak to distract them..."
She grabbed his arm and examined one of the cuts. "Did one of them get you? Do you need to get checked for rabies?"
"No... no, that was the bush. I was hiding from James when the dogs..." He blinked a few times, shook his head, and took a deep breath. "I think something's going on with James."
"Uh-duh," she said. "And because I am the greatest girlfriend ever, I found out what."
"You did?"
She glanced at the clock. It was just 3:30, which meant James had an hour until the bet's deadline. Plenty of time. She smiled at Kendall and said, "Let's go get you cleaned up and I'll tell you all about it. In the mean time, tell me one thing."
"What?" he asked, letting her help him to his feet. He still seemed a little dazed.
"Kendall Knight, how would you feel about making some easy money?"
Part 2