fic: Carry that Weight, SGA, TrustVerseAU, John/Rodney, explicit

[telesilla]

Carry That Weight
by telesilla
SGA, John/Rodney, adult
set in the Trust Verse AU
summary: Rodney gives John something he wants and that's a good thing, right?
warnings: none needed
my fic polices regarding warnings and transformative works are here
notes: Finally, more Trust Verse! This takes place a week or so after What I'd Do to You or, in the show timeline, five weeks after "Defiant One" and a few days before "Hot Zone."

Read it @ AO3



John stared at the thick pillow Rodney had put on the floor while John was undressing. "I'm not ancient, Rodney," he muttered as he went to his knees.

"Trust me," Rodney said as he dug around in his bag. "You'll appreciate it later."

"Yes, Rodney."

"So," Rodney said. "I kept thinking about something we talked about a couple weeks ago. About you liking to be used."

John's dick, already half hard, firmed up even more. Before he could say anything, Rodney continued talking.

"I need to know one thing, John. Is it important for you to be...." He frowned and then snapped his fingers. "Do you care about how you look? Is embarrassment or humiliation part of it? Or would that turn you off?"

John thought it over for a second. "Not really. Some things are kind of embarrassing until...until I really get into it. And then I don't care any more." He paused, trying to figure out how to explain. "See, part of it is that it's not about me, so what I'm going through isn't all that important, Rodney."

"Makes sense," Rodney replied. "Okay off your knees for a minute...let me get these on you." Rodney cuffed his, ankles and then his thighs before telling John to kneel again. "Hmmm...." he murmured as he clipped the ankle cuffs to the thigh cuffs. "Squirm for me a little, would you?"

When John did, Rodney nodded. "Thought so," he said, before pulling out one of his leather straps. He worked it until it was behind John's knees and buckled it closed right above his knees. "That's better."

John had been trussed up like this before, but not recently. It felt good, even comforting to be that immobile. "Mmmm," he hummed quietly as he strained against the leather of the cuffs and strap.

"Good?"

"Yes, Rodney."

"Okay. Now, hands behind your back, elbows as close together as you can manage." More straps--pulling his arms together this time--and this was a little more familiar; Rodney had bound him up like this before. "Part of my problem is that I can't exactly ask someone to whip up a set of bondage gloves for me. The last thing I want anyone to do is wonder who I'm using them on."

John opened his mouth, but Rodney put a hand over it. "Another week of cold showers if you apologize."

When Rodney moved his hand away, John gave him a slightly rueful smile. "You know me pretty well, Rodney."

"I'm working on it," Rodney said. He ducked back behind John and used another strap to attached the strap around John's wrists to the clip that connected the ankle cuffs. After a quick tug of the straps, he shoved lightly at John's shoulder. "You mostly immobile now?"

"Yes, Rodney," John said after trying to move.

"Good. Now, blindfold first? Or gag?"

Rodney sounded more like he was talking to himself rather than to John, so John didn't say anything. He frowned just a little though, confused about Rodney's intentions. Kneeling and trussed up as he was, he'd kind of assumed Rodney wanted a blow job. Maybe, John thought, Rodney was going to jerk off on him again?

Chances were good that John was going to enjoy whatever Rodney was about to do to him. He'd told Rodney, back when they'd started, that he liked just about everything, but this was...it was different with Rodney. Even while John was recovering from his rib injuries, Rodney had made things as intense as he possibly could. Yes, of course they'd spent time just hanging out like they'd done before, but whenever they had sex, Rodney's full attention had been focused not only on what he was doing, but on making it as good for John as possible.

"Okay, blindfold first." It was the serious, padded blindfold and John shivered as the world went dark. Rodney's hand trailed down from the back of the blindfold to rest on the back of John's neck for a moment. "You good?"

"Yes, Rodney."

Rodney gave the back of John's neck a squeeze and then moved around in front of him. Even with the blindfold on, John could tell Rodney was kneeling in front of him and he opened his mouth for the gag.

"Wider," Rodney said. That was all the warning John got before Rodney pressed something into his mouth. He'd expected a ball gag or maybe one of those dick shaped gags, but this...well, he hadn't even known that Rodney had one of these. Rodney's fingers were gentle and careful as he eased the wide O ring into John's mouth, but John could still feel the corners of his mouth stretching as the ring held his mouth wide open.

"Oh yeah," Rodney murmured as he ran his fingers around the inside of John's mouth. "Nothing pinching, is there?"

His face burning, John shook his head. Rodney had asked about embarrassment and humiliation and now John got it. He'd only been gagged this way once before but he knew from experience--and okay, from porn--that this wasn't going to be pretty. He probably already looked faintly ridiculous and he'd look even worse in a few minutes.

"Some tops," Rodney said, his voice almost casual. "Some tops would have shoved a butt plug up your ass and maybe clamped your nipples. But see, since this is about me using you...well, I'm sure you can see my point. Why bother with anything other than this?" As Rodney finished speaking, John heard the unmistakable sound of a zipper.

John knew that if he snapped fingers or even just shook his head emphatically, Rodney would probably stop, even though they hadn't negotiated any safewords or signals. He thought about it for a minute and then took a very deep breath. When he let it out, he let the tension go with it, let himself slide deeper into headspace. Almost without thinking about it, he tilted his head a little, offering his mouth.

"Holy fuck," Rodney muttered, sounding wrecked. "God, John...."

Rodney's finger sliding under the strap of the gag where it rested against John's chin was all the warning John got. He took in a deep breath and then Rodney tugged hard. His cock moved past the gag and into John's mouth. It was freaky; John couldn't exactly suck Rodney off and so he was just reduced to....

He was being used. Rodney's hand was tight in John's hair now and he was thrusting into John's mouth and it was pretty much the best thing ever. Rodney set up a good, steady rhythm, not taking it easy on John at all. And that was just fine with John. Never mind that his jaw was already aching a little from the gag, never mind that he was almost certainly drooling by now, never mind that he was breathing erratically--John wanted to stay here as long as Rodney needed him. Forever, even.

After another moment or two, John felt himself relax. He stopped trying to suck Rodney's dick and he stopped trying to fight the bondage to get into a better position. Almost as if he'd been waiting for John to give in, Rodney tugged on John's hair. John didn't really need the warning; he was more than ready when Rodney started fucking his mouth hard and deep.

Normally John had to work up to deep-throating, but now it was as if the gag was keeping not just his mouth open, but his throat too. It was easy to let Rodney do whatever he wanted, easy to just let himself be used. Above him, Rodney was muttering something but he wasn't talking to John so the words didn't really register. There was nothing but Rodney's cock in his mouth and Rodney's hand twisting cruelly in his hair. And that was good too; if hurting him made it better for Rodney, John was more than willing to be hurt.

He lost track of time, concentrating so hard on the feel of Rodney's dick fucking his mouth that he didn't even notice the faint ache in his knees and shoulders. He was so far under that he didn't even realize what it meant when Rodney pulled almost all the way out and then thrust back in hard once and then twice before he went still. It was only when John instinctively tried to swallow that he realized Rodney had come. He couldn't swallow very well at all, of course, but he didn't even think about how he looked when Rodney finally pulled out.

After a moment, John finally heard Rodney again, probably because Rodney was murmuring his name over and over.

"John...John...so fucking good for me. God, John, you just...you're so amazing and you're all...John...."

John blinked against the wet fabric of the blindfold and tried to come back to himself. Rodney's hand was still in his hair, but now his fingers were gentle against John's stinging scalp. "So good," Rodney said again. "John, you're so good." One of Rodney's hands was on John's shoulder now and all he had to do was pull just a little before John was leaning forward. He felt Rodney's cheek, rough with stubble, against his own cheek and the closeness was almost as good, almost as necessary as the rough use had been.

"I'm going to take the gag off you now," Rodney said after a long moment.

Still relaxed and pliant, John held still as Rodney carefully removed the gag. His jaw ached once he could finally move it, but he was too busy running his tongue around the inside of his mouth--chasing the taste of Rodney's come--to care. He did feel the tension in his shoulders ease as Rodney unbuckled the straps binding his arms, but rolling his shoulders a little helped. The strap around his legs was next and then Rodney was unclipping his ankle and thigh cuffs.

"You with me?" Rodney murmured as he helped John ease off his knees until he was sitting on the pillow.

"Mmmmmmm hmmmm," John murmured, Then he remembered his manners. "Thank you, Rodney."

"You're thanking me?" Rodney sounded incredulous, but then he shook his head. "You're welcome, John."

It was only when Rodney pulled him in close that John realized why his chest felt sticky and itchy. "I'm kind of a mess, Rodney," he said, trying to pull away.

"Oh please, you look fucking gorgeous," Rodney said, tightening his arms around John. "I can't believe you...well, let's just say I'm feeling pretty damn lucky right now. Trust me, I don't mind a little mess."

They stayed like that for a long moment before Rodney finally sat back. "How're you doing? Can you get up on the bed?"

"Yes, Rodney," John said, but he didn't complain when Rodney helped him up. Once John was stretched out comfortably on the bed, Rodney rested a hand on his shoulder.

"Okay?" When John nodded, Rodney stood up. "Give me a sec...."

John was still pretty out of it when Rodney returned with a warm damp towel. He let Rodney clean him up and he was incredibly grateful when Rodney settled down next to him. Rodney pulled him in until John's head was resting on his shoulder. John smiled against Rodney's warm skin; it was nice not to have to actually ask for aftercare. He let himself drift and just as he was slipping into sleep, he heard Rodney murmur, "thank you, John."

Sometime later, John woke up. At some point, he'd rolled onto his side, but Rodney was still plastered up against him--a warm, comforting presence. John felt truly relaxed in that way that he only did after a really good scene. He thought about just going back to sleep, but he had to piss and so he reluctantly eased away from Rodney and sat up.

It was only as he was washing his hands that he yawned. He paused, the water running unforgotten in the sink as he remembered why his jaw ached.

So, he thought, staring at himself in the mirror. That happened. He didn't look any different now, but he could imagine how he had looked earlier--on his knees, bound to the point of immobility, his mouth held open by the gag. He could imagine how he'd looked after Rodney was done--come spilling out of his mouth onto his chin and his chest. He'd been drooling too, even before Rodney came.

I let him do that. But no, that wasn't entirely true. John had been the one to tell Rodney he wanted Rodney to do that, or at least something like it. And, even though he hadn't thought about it at the time, even though he'd been so wrapped up in being used like that, he'd been hard through the whole thing. Even now, just thinking about it made him feel a little curl of arousal low in his belly.

As he stared unseeing at running water, it suddenly shut off--timed out, he realized. In the sudden silence, he heard someone moving behind him.

"You okay?" Rodney asked, his voice thick with sleep. Instead of turning, John just looked up. In the mirror, Rodney looked tired and a little unsure. When John didn't say anything, Rodney sighed. "Do you want to...."

"I need to get back to my room," John said abruptly.

Rodney's mouth turned down even further than usual, but he stepped out of John's way. As John got dressed, he heard the water start up in the sink again; when Rodney came back out of the bathroom, his face was damp and a little pink. John waited, his t-shirt in hand, but Rodney didn't say anything.

Rodney was, John realized, just going to let him walk out.

"May I leave, Rodney?" He hadn't meant to say anything and the angry, sarcastic tone of voice made him wince a little.

"Okay, no." All Rodney did was cross his arms across his chest, but something in his demeanor changed. "Since you asked for my permission, no, you may not." His voice was hard and before John could say anything, he continued. "Put your shirt on and sit down."

John looked at him for a long moment and then finally pulled his shirt on. He sat down on Rodney's sofa and waited.

"Tell me," Rodney said, scowling at John. "Tell me, John, just what I did wrong? Beside giving you want you wanted, I mean. Did I somehow make you like it too much?"

Whatever John had been expecting, it wasn't this. He stared at Rodney while he tried to come up with an answer.

The silence stretched out and finally Rodney sighed. "Go," he said, gesturing toward the door. He turned away, shoulders slumped, and headed back toward the bathroom.

"I...." John said. Rodney stopped, but didn't turn around. "It wasn't that. I...I wanted to leave before the other shoe dropped."

Rodney remained still, obviously waiting for John to say more, but John couldn't find the words. He laced his fingers together, resting them on his knees and bowed his head.

"John," Rodney began and then he huffed out a little humorless laugh. "Jesus, you look like...oh."

He didn't say anything more, but John heard the already familiar sounds of Rodney filling the kettle. He waited in silence through the whole process, not looking up when Rodney sat the teapot and mugs down on the table in front of him.

"So," Rodney said. "You were so sure I'd be disgusted, that I'd think you're...what? A slut? The wrong kind of sub?"

One thing you could say for Rodney, John thought. He wasn't stupid.

"Yeah," he said softly.

"Did you actually have a coming out party?" The question should have been absurd, but John couldn't help twisting his mouth into a wry smile.

"I managed to talk my step-mother out of it."

"Hmmmm...thought so. So, the only sub in a good family? Old money maybe?" John nodded and Rodney went on. "See the thing is, you're not that good boy any more."

Startled, John looked up. Rodney was watching him closely, his head tilted a little. This too was familiar and in spite of what Rodney had said, John felt a sudden and somewhat surprising burst of affection for him.

"You don't need to be...I mean," Rodney paused and gestured aimlessly. "You know I don't lie, right? At least, not to you, not to anyone who matters. So when I say that I think you're amazing, I mean it. When I tell you that I respect you, it's not just so I can get you on your knees."

"I," John began. "It's not...." He shook his head. "I've never...I wasn't like this with my other tops. In clubs, yeah. With one-night stands, yeah. But not with Nancy or...."

"Hmmmm."

John waited, but Rodney just checked the teapot and poured tea for both of them. The warm mug felt good; John wrapped his hands around it and looked at the steam curling up from it. "Not with anyone who meant anything, who...well, mattered to me. And I thought...when you and I...that it was just, I dunno." He stopped, unable to go on.

"Fuck buddies? Friends with benefits?" Rodney didn't say anything for a moment and then, when he spoke again, his voice was soft. "John? It hasn't been that for me for a while now. Since you broke your ribs, or maybe even before that." He shook his head. "A pair of bondage gloves aren't the only thing I wish I could get my hands on." Rodney put his mug down and reached out to take John's. John, a little confused, let him.

"I wish I could put a wrist cuff on you. A nice one." Rodney wrapped his fingers around John's wrist. "I don't just want you to be mine when you're tied and up on your knees."

"You didn't...I didn't know." John ducked his head, wondering how long Rodney would have been content pretending they were just a casual thing.

"Honestly?" Rodney smiled wryly. "I'm not much better at this whole talking thing than you are."

"I'd noticed," John said and for once he didn't worry about his tone of voice.

Rodney laughed and brought John's wrist up to his mouth. John was expecting a kiss, but instead, Rodney bit him gently and John caught his breath. "I hate that whole thing," Rodney said, his mouth moving against the sensitive skin of John's wrist. "You know, the 'angel in public, devil in private' thing. I want you to be you. All the time."

"And I want...." John swallowed hard. "I wish you could give me that wrist cuff."

"So," Rodney said after nipping at John's wrist again. "What you're saying, John Sheppard, is that you want to go steady with me?"

"Let's just say I don't want anyone else's name on my dance card, Dr. McKay." He waited until Rodney stopped laughing. "What gave it away? The stuff about how I grew up, I mean. The formality?"

"That and the way you were sitting just now. You looked...I'm sorry, but you looked so demure." He finally let go of John's wrist and reached for his mug. "You don't have to talk about, well anything really, but if you want to talk about your family, I'm willing to listen."

"Maybe," John said. He picked up his mug and looked at the steam again. "Someday."

They drank their tea in silence for a while and then Rodney yawned. "Bed?"

"Yeah," John began and then yawned too. Just as it had earlier, it made his jaw ache a little, but this time he didn't mind. He licked at the corner of his mouth and then looked up to see Rodney staring at him. With a faint smirk, John did it again.

"Oh that's not fair," Rodney said, his voice husky.

"Please, Rodney," John murmured. He felt that curl low in his belly again. "Make me blow you in the morning?"

Rodney looked at him for a long moment. "Tell you what--I'll chain you to the bed tonight and I'll leave enough slack so you can wake me that way. At, God help me, four thirty, so you have enough time to get back to your room." He smiled a little. "What's your schedule like tomorrow? Can you take lunch at noon?"

"Yes, Rodney."

"Take it in your office. I'll join you and make you come so hard you'll see stars."

John put his mug down, sat up straight and laced his hands together. Resting them on his knees, he lowered his head and murmured, "Yes, Rodney."

"You're so good, John."

"I want to be," John said, and for the first time in a long time, it felt like the right thing to say. "For you, Rodney."

end