Letting Go
Title: Letting Go
Genre: angst, post-split
Pairing: HoMin
Rating: PG
Length: Drabble
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Summary: Things change. And it’s not easy when it happens. This is a post-split drabble.
He hated the silence. It was everywhere and it was awful. A desolate reminder of how empty the apartment was. Of how much he had failed himself. Everyone.
Yet the silence was way too loud for him.
Changmin had refused to say goodbye to them, locking himself in his room before any more harsh words would come out of his mouth. Maybe hoping that not saying goodbye would create a lack of permanence.
Their departure consisted of a handshake a few hugs and a bow goodbye. A thank you for the time they had shared.
Goodbye friends. I still love you.
And then it was silent again. The aftermath of destruction.
Yunho sat on the couch in the living room in blankness. His stomach churning and his senses heightened. The light peering in through the curtains were too bright. The apartment smelled weird. He noticed the scratching of the couch against his skin. He never liked this couch.
And then it was as if his body clicked into autopilot and none of his actions were controlled by himself anymore. His legs dragged his body to stop in front of Changmin’s room and he hesitated before knocking softly and letting himself in.
"Min-ah…" He wasn’t sure what else to say. He just stood at the door way. Heart heavy and a million things to say.
They’re gone. I hate this.
Please don’t leave me alone.
Instead he just stared at the boy from the doorway. He was lying on his stomach staring at the white walls and emptiness where Junsu’s things had been.
But Changmin already knew. Already knew what Yunho was feeling. Always.
“I know.” He breathed out. His voice holding traces of the tears he didn’t have left to shed.
Yunho walked over and sat on the edge of Changmin’s bed. His legs giving out on him.
“I don’t want to be alone right now.”
“I know.” Changmin repeated again.
Yunho laid himself down next to Changmin. The bed was not quite big enough for two people to sleep on together, but it didn’t matter. Yunho just wanted to be as close to another person as humanly possible.
His mind would not allow himself to be alone.
“Hyung…why is this happening?” Changmin asked needing some sort of answer.
“Sometimes people need to be happy.”
“Were they not happy with us?”
Yunho legitimately didn’t have an answer.
“It’s complicated, Changmin.”
And the silence continued.
Changmin turned his body towards Yunho and buried his face into his chest. Tears seeped into Yunho’s shirt. Cold having already been shed and exposed to the air.
“Hyung. Why don’t you ever cry? Don’t you get tired being strong for everyone? It’s not fair.”
He was right. Yunho was always tired. But he was wrong about one thing. He did cry. Only behind closed doors where no one could see. Where his tears didn’t have to burden his four brothers. But now he didn’t have so many of them to hide from anymore.
And that somehow pulled a trigger inside him.
Yunho pulled Changmin in closer to him and the tears fell. Sliding down his face and into the boy’s hair where his fingers began to tangle themselves into.
Changmin knew right when it happened. The uneven breathing and sniffling was all too familiar to him as he had found himself doing in the days leading to today. So he wrapped his arm around Yunho to try to bring some sort of comfort. Comfort has never really been his forte but Yunho deserved to let his emotions out. And the most he could do was offer his condolences.
“Was I not a good leader? Could I have stopped this?”
Empty questions that Changmin didn’t know how to answer.
“I stayed. Doesn’t that make a difference?”
“But why? Why didn’t you want to leave?”
“Sometimes people need to be happy.”
And for some reason hearing his words coming back at him from the boy in his arms tugged incredulously at his heart. And the tears just came harder.
“Changmin. I want to be happy again.”
“We can try.”
Genre: angst, post-split
Pairing: HoMin
Rating: PG
Length: Drabble
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Summary: Things change. And it’s not easy when it happens. This is a post-split drabble.
He hated the silence. It was everywhere and it was awful. A desolate reminder of how empty the apartment was. Of how much he had failed himself. Everyone.
Yet the silence was way too loud for him.
Changmin had refused to say goodbye to them, locking himself in his room before any more harsh words would come out of his mouth. Maybe hoping that not saying goodbye would create a lack of permanence.
Their departure consisted of a handshake a few hugs and a bow goodbye. A thank you for the time they had shared.
Goodbye friends. I still love you.
And then it was silent again. The aftermath of destruction.
Yunho sat on the couch in the living room in blankness. His stomach churning and his senses heightened. The light peering in through the curtains were too bright. The apartment smelled weird. He noticed the scratching of the couch against his skin. He never liked this couch.
And then it was as if his body clicked into autopilot and none of his actions were controlled by himself anymore. His legs dragged his body to stop in front of Changmin’s room and he hesitated before knocking softly and letting himself in.
"Min-ah…" He wasn’t sure what else to say. He just stood at the door way. Heart heavy and a million things to say.
They’re gone. I hate this.
Please don’t leave me alone.
Instead he just stared at the boy from the doorway. He was lying on his stomach staring at the white walls and emptiness where Junsu’s things had been.
But Changmin already knew. Already knew what Yunho was feeling. Always.
“I know.” He breathed out. His voice holding traces of the tears he didn’t have left to shed.
Yunho walked over and sat on the edge of Changmin’s bed. His legs giving out on him.
“I don’t want to be alone right now.”
“I know.” Changmin repeated again.
Yunho laid himself down next to Changmin. The bed was not quite big enough for two people to sleep on together, but it didn’t matter. Yunho just wanted to be as close to another person as humanly possible.
His mind would not allow himself to be alone.
“Hyung…why is this happening?” Changmin asked needing some sort of answer.
“Sometimes people need to be happy.”
“Were they not happy with us?”
Yunho legitimately didn’t have an answer.
“It’s complicated, Changmin.”
And the silence continued.
Changmin turned his body towards Yunho and buried his face into his chest. Tears seeped into Yunho’s shirt. Cold having already been shed and exposed to the air.
“Hyung. Why don’t you ever cry? Don’t you get tired being strong for everyone? It’s not fair.”
He was right. Yunho was always tired. But he was wrong about one thing. He did cry. Only behind closed doors where no one could see. Where his tears didn’t have to burden his four brothers. But now he didn’t have so many of them to hide from anymore.
And that somehow pulled a trigger inside him.
Yunho pulled Changmin in closer to him and the tears fell. Sliding down his face and into the boy’s hair where his fingers began to tangle themselves into.
Changmin knew right when it happened. The uneven breathing and sniffling was all too familiar to him as he had found himself doing in the days leading to today. So he wrapped his arm around Yunho to try to bring some sort of comfort. Comfort has never really been his forte but Yunho deserved to let his emotions out. And the most he could do was offer his condolences.
“Was I not a good leader? Could I have stopped this?”
Empty questions that Changmin didn’t know how to answer.
“I stayed. Doesn’t that make a difference?”
“But why? Why didn’t you want to leave?”
“Sometimes people need to be happy.”
And for some reason hearing his words coming back at him from the boy in his arms tugged incredulously at his heart. And the tears just came harder.
“Changmin. I want to be happy again.”
“We can try.”