Queer as OLD Folk [Finale]: a fucked-up fairytale by Boffers Grimm
Disclaimer: This was not an entry for comingthengoing. I love B/J and QAF, warts and all. That said, CowLip quite possibly has cowpox, not warts. So I think it’s time to have a good old-fashioned fandom funny.
Warnings: Contains foilers and some images may not suitable for those under 60 years of age.
Once upon a time, in a galaxy warped mind far, far away (ok-it’s probably a lot closer to home in my case;)) two worlds collided
There was dreamy beginning on a earth-shattering show called Queer as Fuck ….
And its fans dreamed of an ending which would look something like this ….
Or this ….
Or even this …. *sigh*
But the evil forces (collectively known as the DarkLip) had other ideas.
It was the year 2036 and the Queen of Clubs, a retro casino karaoke-cum-gambling lounge, was rocketing to success in Palm Springs.
Its owner, popularly known as Ol' Red Lips, and his sidekick Michael Bubblé Brain were wowing mildly amusing the GLBT crowd.
And hair toupee atrocities were still being committed.
They worked long, hard hours into the night. [Thank god, they were too old and tired to-you know-fuck.]
The classic “old” DarkLip scripts were still force to be reckoned with ….
Brian: “Mikey, are you listening?”
Mikey: “Huh?”
Brian: “TURN ON YOUR FUCKING HEARING AID, you senile twit.”
--------
Brian: “I want it to be you.”
Mikey: “What?”
Brian: “I want it to be you. I'll put it in writing.”
Mikey: “I want it to be you, too. You pull my butt plug.”
Brian: [thinking: Kill me. NOW.] “Where is that fucking scarf when I need it?”
--------
Brian: “Fuck. You.”
Mikey: “Fuck you!”
Brian: “FLACCID ASSHOLE!”
Mikey: “What the fuck were you doing?”
Brian: “WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?” *hacking smoker’s cough*
Mikey: “I came here to see why you didn’t come to my charity dinner!”
Brian: “What charity dinner?
Mikey: “You know god damn well. Everybody was there but you.”
Brian: “Oh right. *cough* Mikey’s boring charity dinner. *ahem* Well I’ve been having a little celebration of my own, in honor of my big SIX-O.”
Mikey: “With this?” *picks up a plastic tube*
Brian: “Yeah. I was giving myself a very special gift.”
Mikey: “Like what?”
Brian: “Like the greatest fucking ENEMA of my life!”
Mikey: “Oh, shit. Oh, SHIT!”
Brian: “God. You are so pathetic.”
Mikey: “No, YOU ARE! Don’t you know you still have all your bodily functions. Well, most of your functions. And you mostly will. Whether you’re sixty, or you’re seventy, or you’re eighty or you’re one hundred, you will always be, um … like middle-aged, and you will always be, uh … kind of beautiful. You’re BRIAN um-*struggles to find brain cell* -KINNEY for Viagra’s sake!”
--------
Meanwhile, in the Big Bad Apple, an artist formerly known as Justin hailed as the new Andy Warmhole was presenting a Pop T-Art (short for Twink-Art) retrospective at the MOMA Rainbow Gallery.
Two of his masterpieces works were on show ….
Butt-Butter: My Life as a Fag, 2015
Orange is the New Blue, Self-Portrait, 2028
Jennifer: “CHRIST! What did you do to your HAIR?”
Justin: “It’s called a fag’s mid-life crisis, Mother.”
-----------
Justin: “C’mon old man.”
Brian: “What did you call me?”
Justin: “You better get your hearing checked. Geezer.”
Brian: “Well, I think you better put your fucking glasses back on if you don’t want me to break your face-lift.”
-----------
And they all lived happily ever after to a ripe old age.
To the end, Brian remained the Cock of the Walk ….
Brian [strutting on the catwalk shuffling in a walking frame]:
“I’M A COCKSUCKER. I’M QUEER. And now that I can take my teeth out, giving blowjobs is a fucking breeeeeze….
Male nurse: “OK, Mr Kinney, I think you’ve been given more than enough medication for today.”
Brian: “Fuck youuuu…. How about giving me a sponge bath then?”
Male nurse: “With pleasure, Sir.”
PS If you conquered the DarkLip and are curious about WTF was behind the B/M manips, it was Mr Darcy and Mr Six Degrees of Separation (who appears a lot closer than 6 degrees). They star in a Canadian-made film, Where The Truth Lies, which features lots of sex and orgies. It was in competition at Cannes this year. It didn’t win anything. Go figure.
PPS if there's anything I can do to make up for the evil, please let me know *laughs wickedly and jumps back into a burning, bottomless pit, hands bound in hot leather restraints pitifully lowers head and crawls into a warm hole, err, mental institution*.
Warnings: Contains foilers and some images may not suitable for those under 60 years of age.
Once upon a time, in a galaxy warped mind far, far away (ok-it’s probably a lot closer to home in my case;)) two worlds collided
There was dreamy beginning on a earth-shattering show called Queer as Fuck ….
And its fans dreamed of an ending which would look something like this ….
Or this ….
Or even this …. *sigh*
But the evil forces (collectively known as the DarkLip) had other ideas.
It was the year 2036 and the Queen of Clubs, a retro casino karaoke-cum-gambling lounge, was rocketing to success in Palm Springs.
Its owner, popularly known as Ol' Red Lips, and his sidekick Michael Bubblé Brain were wowing mildly amusing the GLBT crowd.
And hair toupee atrocities were still being committed.
They worked long, hard hours into the night. [Thank god, they were too old and tired to-you know-fuck.]
The classic “old” DarkLip scripts were still force to be reckoned with ….
Brian: “Mikey, are you listening?”
Mikey: “Huh?”
Brian: “TURN ON YOUR FUCKING HEARING AID, you senile twit.”
--------
Brian: “I want it to be you.”
Mikey: “What?”
Brian: “I want it to be you. I'll put it in writing.”
Mikey: “I want it to be you, too. You pull my butt plug.”
Brian: [thinking: Kill me. NOW.] “Where is that fucking scarf when I need it?”
--------
Brian: “Fuck. You.”
Mikey: “Fuck you!”
Brian: “FLACCID ASSHOLE!”
Mikey: “What the fuck were you doing?”
Brian: “WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?” *hacking smoker’s cough*
Mikey: “I came here to see why you didn’t come to my charity dinner!”
Brian: “What charity dinner?
Mikey: “You know god damn well. Everybody was there but you.”
Brian: “Oh right. *cough* Mikey’s boring charity dinner. *ahem* Well I’ve been having a little celebration of my own, in honor of my big SIX-O.”
Mikey: “With this?” *picks up a plastic tube*
Brian: “Yeah. I was giving myself a very special gift.”
Mikey: “Like what?”
Brian: “Like the greatest fucking ENEMA of my life!”
Mikey: “Oh, shit. Oh, SHIT!”
Brian: “God. You are so pathetic.”
Mikey: “No, YOU ARE! Don’t you know you still have all your bodily functions. Well, most of your functions. And you mostly will. Whether you’re sixty, or you’re seventy, or you’re eighty or you’re one hundred, you will always be, um … like middle-aged, and you will always be, uh … kind of beautiful. You’re BRIAN um-*struggles to find brain cell* -KINNEY for Viagra’s sake!”
--------
Meanwhile, in the Big Bad Apple, an artist formerly known as Justin hailed as the new Andy Warmhole was presenting a Pop T-Art (short for Twink-Art) retrospective at the MOMA Rainbow Gallery.
Two of his masterpieces works were on show ….
Butt-Butter: My Life as a Fag, 2015
Orange is the New Blue, Self-Portrait, 2028
Jennifer: “CHRIST! What did you do to your HAIR?”
Justin: “It’s called a fag’s mid-life crisis, Mother.”
-----------
Justin: “C’mon old man.”
Brian: “What did you call me?”
Justin: “You better get your hearing checked. Geezer.”
Brian: “Well, I think you better put your fucking glasses back on if you don’t want me to break your face-lift.”
-----------
And they all lived happily ever after to a ripe old age.
To the end, Brian remained the Cock of the Walk ….
Brian [strutting on the catwalk shuffling in a walking frame]:
“I’M A COCKSUCKER. I’M QUEER. And now that I can take my teeth out, giving blowjobs is a fucking breeeeeze….
Male nurse: “OK, Mr Kinney, I think you’ve been given more than enough medication for today.”
Brian: “Fuck youuuu…. How about giving me a sponge bath then?”
Male nurse: “With pleasure, Sir.”
PS If you conquered the DarkLip and are curious about WTF was behind the B/M manips, it was Mr Darcy and Mr Six Degrees of Separation (who appears a lot closer than 6 degrees). They star in a Canadian-made film, Where The Truth Lies, which features lots of sex and orgies. It was in competition at Cannes this year. It didn’t win anything. Go figure.
PPS if there's anything I can do to make up for the evil, please let me know *laughs wickedly and jumps back into a burning, bottomless pit, hands bound in hot leather restraints pitifully lowers head and crawls into a warm hole, err, mental institution*.