Fic: God's Own Tears
TITLE: God's Own Tears
AUTHOR: Erin Giles
DISCLAIMER: Torchwood is property of the BBC.
RATING: PG
CHARACTERS/PAIRINGS: Jack/Ianto
WORDS: ~1100
SUMMARY: Ianto's mother always told him when it was raining God was crying.
“Come on,” Jack said, placing his hand in Ianto’s and tugging as he started to jog down the embankment at the side of the road. The mud slides out from underneath Ianto’s feet as he tries valiantly to keep his balance, but it’s becoming too hard now as his polished shoes sink beneath what used to be grass.
“Jack, where are you going?” Ianto called in annoyance as Jack ploughed on through the thicket, dragging Ianto by the hand behind him. Ianto didn’t know how Jack could see where he was going, the rain was falling that heavily now. Ianto was soaked to the skin - his jacket advertised as shower proof and not waterproof. He remembered his Mam telling him when he was younger that when it rained God and the Angels were crying. He could full well believe that now, if the last week was anything to go by. His Dad used to counteract that statement with 'It runs off when it gets to the skin'. Ianto supposed that was his parents in a nutshell though. His Dad, always practical, such a straight forward man who didn't believe anything beyond what he was shown. His Mam, always believing that there was something more than what was there, always some higher purpose to everything that happened.
“Jack!” Ianto called out again as he skidded further down the embankment, clinging onto Jack like he was his life raft in the flood they now found themselves in. Jack leapt over the recently created stream at the bottom of the embankment, leaving Ianto no choice but to jump into the unknown after him - either that or watch as his leather shoes disappear beneath the rain-made river.
Jack still didn’t answer as he pushed on through the field they now found themselves in with no way of knowing what was in front or behind them. Ianto risked a glance over his shoulder and found that he could no longer see the broken down SUV at the side of the road. He caught a brief glimpse of headlights flashing their way before they were gone again, drenching them in darkness.
“Jack, this is ridiculous, where are you going?” Ianto called again as lightening flashed overhead causing Ianto to start slightly. Still he continued to follow Jack as they start to climb, dodging round hillocks. There’s a brief noise from in front that sounds like Jack crying, not that Ianto would notice there’s that much water already in the air.
Jack eventually comes to a stop, still holding onto Ianto as lightening flashes overhead again, lighting up Jack’s face. It is now Ianto sees that Jack is not crying, he is laughing.
“What are you laughing at?” Ianto yells over the thunder as Jack tugs on his hand again, swinging him round to look out across the landscape. Ianto can see Cardiff in the distance - like an orange beacon, lighting up the sky in a fiery haze through the torrential rain. He can barely make out the road in front of them as raindrops drip from his eyelashes like tears.
It takes Ianto a moment to realise Jack has finally let go of his hand and is unbuttoning his greatcoat, throwing it aside on the ground without a care in the world. He watches in bemusement as Jack turns his face to heaven, opening his mouth and sticking his tongue out just like Ianto remembers doing as a kid, his eyes closed against the relentless rain.
It is in that moment that Ianto understands. He watches Jack throwing out his arms, spinning in a tight circle as rain falls onto his shirt, soaking it through so Ianto can see every muscle, can see the white t-shirt beneath. He watches as Jack’s red braces bleed into his shirt and he knows that the shirt is ruined. It doesn’t matter. Something gurgles in the pit of Ianto’s stomach that, for the first time in over a week, is not grief. Laughter spills from his lips that is deep and wholehearted as he watches Jack, now dancing on the side of the hill, Cardiff behind him like a hazy watercolour as lightening flashes overhead again.
That morning in the church feels like a lifetime ago as he’d tried hard to remember all the good times. All that had swum before his eyes though was both Owen and Tosh lying on the floor, bloody and broken. Now, as he laughed until his stomach ached, he could see Owen and Tosh laughing with him at something so ridiculous as Jack dancing in the rain.
Jack eventually stops in gales of breathless laughter, falling to the ground with a soggy squelch. His hand reaches out and grasps Ianto’s in his own, tugging him down beside him before Ianto has a chance to react. He falls with a bump beside Jack, rain soaking through his already damp trousers. Jack’s shivering, but he’s still smiling as he turns to Ianto, hand on the back of his head before they’re kissing. Ianto feels Jack’s hands clinging onto his coat and arms, anything he can get enough purchase on, like he's afraid Ianto is going to wash away in the rain. In that moment Ianto feels his worth, feels that he is as much Jack’s life raft as Jack is his. Their kiss doesn't fix everything, kisses only make things better for children, but they can feel it and sometimes that's enough.
When they part Jack flops back onto the hillside, his eyes scrunched up as the rain continues to fall down on top of them. And even though it’s cold, and it’s wet, and it’s muddy, and Ianto will probably get sick, he lies down beside Jack, his hand searching blindly for Jack’s through the mud and grass. Rain wrinkled fingers fit together snugly, creating a small bubble of warmth in the frozen landscape.
They both watch as lightening lights up the sky again, thunder following not long after, surrendering to the sheer force of sky and Mother Nature who holds them in the palm of her hand. Neither of them believes in fate, they always believe in choice - have to believe in choice. For better or for worse. But in the middle of all the fire and destruction something has to go right, no matter how small.
As Ianto lies in the rain and mud, Jack’s hand in his, watching the sky light up above them and a broken Cardiff City, he realises this is probably that moment.
AUTHOR: Erin Giles
DISCLAIMER: Torchwood is property of the BBC.
RATING: PG
CHARACTERS/PAIRINGS: Jack/Ianto
WORDS: ~1100
SUMMARY: Ianto's mother always told him when it was raining God was crying.
“Come on,” Jack said, placing his hand in Ianto’s and tugging as he started to jog down the embankment at the side of the road. The mud slides out from underneath Ianto’s feet as he tries valiantly to keep his balance, but it’s becoming too hard now as his polished shoes sink beneath what used to be grass.
“Jack, where are you going?” Ianto called in annoyance as Jack ploughed on through the thicket, dragging Ianto by the hand behind him. Ianto didn’t know how Jack could see where he was going, the rain was falling that heavily now. Ianto was soaked to the skin - his jacket advertised as shower proof and not waterproof. He remembered his Mam telling him when he was younger that when it rained God and the Angels were crying. He could full well believe that now, if the last week was anything to go by. His Dad used to counteract that statement with 'It runs off when it gets to the skin'. Ianto supposed that was his parents in a nutshell though. His Dad, always practical, such a straight forward man who didn't believe anything beyond what he was shown. His Mam, always believing that there was something more than what was there, always some higher purpose to everything that happened.
“Jack!” Ianto called out again as he skidded further down the embankment, clinging onto Jack like he was his life raft in the flood they now found themselves in. Jack leapt over the recently created stream at the bottom of the embankment, leaving Ianto no choice but to jump into the unknown after him - either that or watch as his leather shoes disappear beneath the rain-made river.
Jack still didn’t answer as he pushed on through the field they now found themselves in with no way of knowing what was in front or behind them. Ianto risked a glance over his shoulder and found that he could no longer see the broken down SUV at the side of the road. He caught a brief glimpse of headlights flashing their way before they were gone again, drenching them in darkness.
“Jack, this is ridiculous, where are you going?” Ianto called again as lightening flashed overhead causing Ianto to start slightly. Still he continued to follow Jack as they start to climb, dodging round hillocks. There’s a brief noise from in front that sounds like Jack crying, not that Ianto would notice there’s that much water already in the air.
Jack eventually comes to a stop, still holding onto Ianto as lightening flashes overhead again, lighting up Jack’s face. It is now Ianto sees that Jack is not crying, he is laughing.
“What are you laughing at?” Ianto yells over the thunder as Jack tugs on his hand again, swinging him round to look out across the landscape. Ianto can see Cardiff in the distance - like an orange beacon, lighting up the sky in a fiery haze through the torrential rain. He can barely make out the road in front of them as raindrops drip from his eyelashes like tears.
It takes Ianto a moment to realise Jack has finally let go of his hand and is unbuttoning his greatcoat, throwing it aside on the ground without a care in the world. He watches in bemusement as Jack turns his face to heaven, opening his mouth and sticking his tongue out just like Ianto remembers doing as a kid, his eyes closed against the relentless rain.
It is in that moment that Ianto understands. He watches Jack throwing out his arms, spinning in a tight circle as rain falls onto his shirt, soaking it through so Ianto can see every muscle, can see the white t-shirt beneath. He watches as Jack’s red braces bleed into his shirt and he knows that the shirt is ruined. It doesn’t matter. Something gurgles in the pit of Ianto’s stomach that, for the first time in over a week, is not grief. Laughter spills from his lips that is deep and wholehearted as he watches Jack, now dancing on the side of the hill, Cardiff behind him like a hazy watercolour as lightening flashes overhead again.
That morning in the church feels like a lifetime ago as he’d tried hard to remember all the good times. All that had swum before his eyes though was both Owen and Tosh lying on the floor, bloody and broken. Now, as he laughed until his stomach ached, he could see Owen and Tosh laughing with him at something so ridiculous as Jack dancing in the rain.
Jack eventually stops in gales of breathless laughter, falling to the ground with a soggy squelch. His hand reaches out and grasps Ianto’s in his own, tugging him down beside him before Ianto has a chance to react. He falls with a bump beside Jack, rain soaking through his already damp trousers. Jack’s shivering, but he’s still smiling as he turns to Ianto, hand on the back of his head before they’re kissing. Ianto feels Jack’s hands clinging onto his coat and arms, anything he can get enough purchase on, like he's afraid Ianto is going to wash away in the rain. In that moment Ianto feels his worth, feels that he is as much Jack’s life raft as Jack is his. Their kiss doesn't fix everything, kisses only make things better for children, but they can feel it and sometimes that's enough.
When they part Jack flops back onto the hillside, his eyes scrunched up as the rain continues to fall down on top of them. And even though it’s cold, and it’s wet, and it’s muddy, and Ianto will probably get sick, he lies down beside Jack, his hand searching blindly for Jack’s through the mud and grass. Rain wrinkled fingers fit together snugly, creating a small bubble of warmth in the frozen landscape.
They both watch as lightening lights up the sky again, thunder following not long after, surrendering to the sheer force of sky and Mother Nature who holds them in the palm of her hand. Neither of them believes in fate, they always believe in choice - have to believe in choice. For better or for worse. But in the middle of all the fire and destruction something has to go right, no matter how small.
As Ianto lies in the rain and mud, Jack’s hand in his, watching the sky light up above them and a broken Cardiff City, he realises this is probably that moment.