Fic: What Trouble Is
Title: What Trouble Is
Fandom: Warehouse 13 and Doctor Who (Crossover)
Rating: PG
Pairing: Claudia Donovan/Amy Pond
Word Count: ~8,000
Spoilers: Through "Time Will Tell" (2.01) of Warehouse 13 and "Victory of the Daleks" (5.03) of Doctor Who
Summary: They have an awful lot in common.
A/N: Most of this was written a month ago, pre-H.G. in her full glory, but it's been tweaked to fit with canon (because clearly that is the most pressing concern when writing interfandom adventures). Takes place during the early part of W13 Season 2, and some time before "The Time of Angels" in Doctor Who. Title borrowed from Anne Shirley.
It wasn't so much the box's presence that bothered Claudia-as far as artifacts went, it actually seemed fairly mundane-but instead the fact that it was clearly in the wrong place. Claudia had a strong dislike for disorder in her Warehouse (and it was her Warehouse, in her mind). She took her job as junior Warehouse agent, techno-monkey, and unofficial weird thing cataloguer very seriously, despite what others might think. She was pretty sure Artie thought he was punishing her whenever he made her do inventory, but she secretly loved learning the arcane, utterly preposterous histories of the objects and then putting them in their proper places. And this big blue box, shoved in among the 19th century presidential artifacts, simply would not do.
She narrowed her eyes at the faded "Police Box" lettering as she began to circle its exterior, careful to avoid bumping into a nearby shelf. The box was tucked in the northwest corner of the Warehouse, hidden near a marble statue of Aaron Burr that Artie had repeatedly told Claudia to avoid (something about flintlocks and rage blackouts). She wouldn't have even investigated this section if it weren't for the strange, intermittent whooshing sound that had interrupted her ongoing attempts to add a hover component to Edison's car. Claudia still hadn't discovered the source of the sound, but she wasn't overly concerned; by this, point she had come to accept the Warehouse as home to as many strange noises as it was to strange objects
Sighing crossly, Claudia muttered to herself,
"Arthur Nielson, I sent a very strongly worded memo about always telling me when new artifacts come in. But someone refuses to check his email regularly because someone thinks being a Luddite is just the awesomist."
Claudia scowled before stopping her orbit of the box so she could study it more seriously. Clearly, there was only one course of action, and that was to open the box and see what was inside-for cataloguing purposes only, of course. Claudia ignored the voice in her head (a voice sounding suspiciously like Artie's) that told her she should wait until she had at least some idea of what the object did. Instead, she approached the wooden door and lifted her hand, running her fingers lightly over the wooden grain before reaching for the handle.
Just as her fingers were brushing the metal knob, there was a rattle from inside and the box gave a single, thunderous shake. Claudia instantly snatched her fingers back and took a step away, eyes going wide in surprise. She could swear she heard the sound of someone turning the handle from the inside. Instinctively, she took another retreating step and dove behind Burr's statue, just letting her head peek out from underneath his raised arm.
A moment later, the door was flung open and out stepped a man. He stood, legs wide and hands on his hips, beaming as he surveyed the Warehouse like it was a kingdom and he its king. Claudia couldn't help but think he was a somewhat uninspiring sovereign. He wore the kind of pants she had seen the old professors at her brother's university wear, and a tweed coat that could have belonged to Artie (were Artie younger, slimmer, and several inches taller). He sported a poof of floppy hair that was treading dangerously close to flock-of-seagulls territory, yet still failed to conceal ears that might generously be termed large. Topping it all off was the slightly-askew bowtie haphazardly affixed to the man's collar.
Almost immediately, a young woman exited the box to stand beside him. She had bright, undeniably red hair, which automatically put her in Claudia's good books, and she wore a maroon shirt, a brown leather jacket, and a skirt that was as short as the man's hair was long. She also surveyed the room, her expression curious.
"Well, Doctor?" she said, turning towards the man, and Claudia blinked, hearing the way she stretched out her o's.
"It is bigger on the inside than it is on the outside!" the man said delightedly. Then he paused, a reflective look crossing his face as he considered his words. "You know, I haven't said that very often, except for the time I had a poke inside Einstein's brain. Almost makes me feel small."
"You'll get used to it--the rest of us have," the woman responded tartly, rolling her eyes. "Now," she continued, more business-like, "where exactly are we?"
"We, my dear Amy Pond, are in South Dakota." The man stated the words proudly. Amy only furrowed her brow.
"Which one is that, now? I always slept through American history class-too many old men with mustaches, not enough sexy Romans." She titled her head to the side, pursing her lips as she thought. "I can name at least 20 of the states, but I don't think South Dakota is one of them. What's it all about?"
"Oh, loads of things," the Doctor responded confidently. "Absolute loads."
Amy gave him an expectant look.
"Well," he continued, his tone faltering somewhat, "there's Mount Rushmore, and Deadwood, and Yellowstone." He frowned, eyebrows pulling together as if he was flipping through his mental state almanac. "That last might be Wyoming."
"Hmm," Amy responded, sounding unconvinced. "And why exactly are we here, in South Dakota?" She stretched the state's name out like a questionable piece of taffy.
"Because of this," the Doctor said, spreading his arms wide to take in the entire Warehouse. "Because of things like that!" And he sprang over to one of the shelves, lifting up a complicated gadget that looked like a combination between an eggbeater and a pocket-sized nuclear reactor.
"And what is that?" Amy asked skeptically.
"Haven't the faintest," the Doctor replied, flashing a grin at her and shaking the artifact in a way that made Claudia involuntarily flinch. "Ah, and look there!" he said, eyes lighting up. He bounded over to another shelf and reverently picked up an object labeled Lincoln's Hat. Wear with Care. "What do you think?" he asked his companion, cocking an eyebrow and eyeing the hat speculatively. "I've been thinking about adding a hat to my ensemble-stovetop hats are cool."
"In 1865, maybe," Amy scoffed. "Besides, it hardly matches your bowtie."
"That is an important consideration," the Doctor acknowledged seriously. "Maybe there's a balmoral around here somewhere-can't beat a hat with a giant pom-pom on top."
"Is it a hat we're after, then?" Amy asked, crossing her arms over her chest and giving the Doctor an appraising look. "Not that I mind, but I did think we came to this place for a reason."
"Oh, but this place is full of such wondrous, distracting things-can't you feel it, Pond?" His eyes were glittering with anticipation. "That over there," he continued, pointing to the far corner, "is Nefertiti's headdress. And that looks an awful lot like Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's monocle. And that over there appears to be a young lady trying rather unsuccessfully to hide from us."
At those last words, Claudia started in surprise, unintentionally stepping backwards and knocking over a kettle that really had no place on that particular shelf. She winced when it went clattering to the ground, then gave a resigned shrug, hoping she hadn't accidentally created a ferret. Slowly, she stepped out from behind Aaron Burr, eyeing the strangers with evident suspicion.
"Hello, there!" the Doctor said cheerfully.
"Don't you 'Hello, there' me, mister!" Claudia retorted indignantly. "And don't even think about trying any shenanigans," she warned, reaching blindly behind her to grab the first thing off the shelf that could serve as a weapon. She was hoping for Grant's pistol or Taylor's sword; what she ended up brandishing was a tobacco pipe that had apparently belonged to Millard Fillmore. She frowned at it, but tried to wave it as menacingly as possible. The woman stifled a laugh, and Claudia scowled at her.
"As we seem to be the ones intruding," the Doctor said soothingly, "allow me to introduce ourselves. I'm the Doctor, and this is Amy Pond."
Claudia examined the two of them, both of whom stood placidly next to their infernal blue box. They did seem relatively harmless, and if push came to shove, she was pretty sure she could take down the man, even armed only with Fillmore's pipe. The redhead looked a bit more scrappy, though, like maybe she was a hair-puller (not necessarily a bad thing, in the right circumstances). For a moment, Claudia had the strange feeling that she was getting one of Pete's vibes about these people, but she had to admit that it wasn't exactly a bad vibe. Letting out a breath, Claudia tossed the pipe back on the shelf, where it skittered a couple of feet before landing next to Chester Arthur's mustache comb.
"I know smoking kills, but probably not this literally," she said with a sigh, making up her mind to give in to the inescapable madness that was her life. "I’m Claudia, Claudia Donovan."
"Delighted to meet you, Claudia Claudia Donovan," the Doctor responded brightly. "Terribly sorry to intrude, but we may need a bit of assistance from you, and we didn't really have the time to ring."
"What kind of assistance?" Claudia asked suspiciously, folding her arms and giving them a stare she hoped came off as intimidating, or at least moderately confident.
"Right, well, it's rather a long story," the Doctor said, drawing a deep breath. "You see, we were in the Axiom Nebula when I noticed a teeny-tiny disruption in our dimensional stabilizer. Very useful things, dimensional stabilizers. Splendid for pockets, even better for carpetbags-just ask Mary Poppins-but not as useful when they begin to futz about. Then, to top it all off, our chameleon circuit began to make this terrible coughing sound, sort of like-" and he cleared his throat, clearly intending to serenade Claudia with the dulcet sounds of a chameleon circuit malfunction. Before he could speak, Amy jumped in.
"It's not really a long story," she told Claudia with a roll of her eyes. "He's the Doctor and that's a space and time machine." She yanked her thumb over her shoulder to indicate the Police Box. "Something went wrong with a whatsit inside, and the Doctor thinks you may have a replacement thingamabob floatin' around here."
Claudia narrowed her eyes, looking over Amy's shoulder.
"That's a time machine?"
"No need to act so surprised," the Doctor said defensively. "The TARDIS is really quite lovely, once you get inside."
"Not to insult your box, dude," Claudia answered none too delicately. "I'm sure it's super cozy in there, like a toaster. But I'm pretty sure we've already got a time machine somewhere around here, and it totally does not look like that."
"Impossible," the Doctor scoffed. "The TARDIS is the only one left in the universe. Universes. Universi."
"I'm telling you," Claudia insisted, "we've got H.G. Wells' time machine shoved somewhere in Sector G, collecting dust."
"Ah, H.G. Wells," the Doctor responded, understanding dawning on his face. "Brilliant woman. Terrible cheat at cards. Potentially evil."
"Wait, you know H.G. Wells is a woman?" Claudia asked in surprise.
"Oh, of course," the Doctor responded confidently. "As the Milodites of Traxiom like to say, 'Behind every great man is a woman.' Of course," he added musingly, "the Traxioms have over seventy genders they distinguish based on what shade of purple their tentacles are, so a better translation is, 'Behind every violet Milodite is a more fuschia-accented Milodite,' but you get the idea."
Claudia gave her head a single shake, deciding to focus on the parts of the man's words she understood.
"So H. G.'s time machine-is it, like, bonafide and everything?" she asked, unable to repress her curiosity. "My boss is way touchy about changing the course of history and stuff, so he never lets me play with it."
"Oh, no," the Doctor responded definitively, before amending to, "Well, yes. Well, no." He saw Amy give him a warning look and hastily added, "It's not a proper time machine, not like the TARDIS. It's mostly just a couple of lounge chairs with a vortex manipulator smacked under the dash. Terribly inefficient, terribly imprecise. Quite beautiful to look at, though."
"She is pretty smokin'," Claudia agreed with a nod. The Doctor blinked.
"I was referring to the machine."
"That, too," Claudia conceded easily. Then she frowned.
"So you, H.G.-what's with all the time travelers being English?"
"I'm not English," the Doctor said immediately, his tone almost affronted. "I'm a Time Lord from the planet Gallifrey."
"Well, you sound English," Claudia insisted.
"Oi, and I'm not English either, I'll have you know," Amy piped up, sounding as offended as the Doctor. "I'm Scottish, born and bred. You Americans-never can tell the difference between English, Scots, and Australians." Claudia held her hands up in mock-surrender.
"Geeze, my bad," she apologized, suddenly wishing she had spent a little more time watching the BBC instead of that show about the meerkats. Then she scrunched up her nose, scrutinizing the other two carefully. She didn't know if she bought half of what they were selling, but she'd seen enough weird things not to discount any claims, no matter how preposterous they might seem. And somehow, this strange man (or possibly alien-she was still wrapping her head around that idea), with his floppy hair and funny bowtie, instilled an odd feeling of trust in her. She sighed.
"Ok, so Artie would probably kill me for this, but he's not here right now. What exactly do you need?"
The Doctor's eyes lit up and Amy beamed at her.
"Well, for starters, you wouldn't happen to know where you keep your dimensional stabilizer, would you?"
"Our dimensional whatilizer?" Claudia asked, knitting her brow. She thought she knew about every gadget in the Warehouse.
"Oh, you know," the Doctor prodded. "Dimensional stabilizer? Looks like a shiny boxy thing? Keeps this big whopping warehouse packed to the rafters with the wonders of humanity without taking up half the state?"
"Yep, drawing a major blank on this one," Claudia answered.
"You really don't know?" the Doctor said, taken aback. "Haven't you ever wondered how one building-even one this big-can hold all the squibbly knicknacks you've got strewn about?"
"I dunno," Claudia said with a shrug. "It's a big place-there are corners I've never been to. I guess I just assumed it goes on back into the mountains or…something."
"Hmm," the Doctor mused, clasping his hands behind his back as he began to pace. Then he released an "Aha!" that made both Amy and Claudia start in surprise.
"Of course!" he exclaimed. "There must be a perception filter that keeps you from noticing that the interior of the Warehouse is actually in another dimension."
"Whoa, whoa, hold your thrusters, spaceman," Claudia said, expelling a disbelieving breath. "You're telling me we're in a different dimension right now?"
"Oh, absolutely," the Doctor said animatedly, his thumbs slipping under his braces as he resumed pacing. "That's how the TARDIS works too-it's the only way you can have something bigger on the inside than it is on the outside. Must be the perception filter that kept you from noticing." He frowned slightly. "Now how did a group of humans in the--what century is this? 21st?--get their hands on a dimensional stabilizer and a perception filter?" Then he shrugged. "Doesn't matter. That's why I like you lot--always full of surprises. Now," he continued, turning back towards Claudia, "What do you say? Mind showing me under the hat?"
Claudia looked confused, and Amy nudged the Doctor with her elbow.
"It's 'hood,'" she corrected, lips twitching in amusement. "It's a car thing."
"Ah, yes, show me under the hood," the Doctor continued cheerfully.
"I would if I could," Claudia said, shaking her head. "But I really don't know where it is-I mean, I only just learned it existed."
"A minor setback," the Doctor responded, dismissing her words with a wave of his hand. "That's why I've got this!" And he pulled out a small gadget about the size of a screwdriver, a bright green light flashing at its tip. Claudia didn't know what it was, but her fingers were instantly itching to take it apart and put it back together again. The Doctor pushed a button and the green light began to pulse. "There!" he said with satisfaction. "It's honed in on the dimensional stabilizer's signal. All I have to do is follow the lights and I should find it in a jiff."
"Need some help, Doctor?" Amy asked. "You do tend to get easily distracted."
"I do do that upon occasion," the Doctor admitted. Then he shook his head. "But this shouldn't be too much trouble-why don't you stay with Donovan? She can give you a tour!" Amy looked ready to argue, but the Doctor was already striding off down one of the aisles, screwdriver held in front of him like a marching baton. "I'll be back before you can say 'Geronimo,'" he called over his shoulder.
"Geronimo!" Amy yelled back.
"Cheeky!" was all the Doctor said before disappearing around a corner.
Amy and Claudia were left staring at the spot he had disappeared from. Slowly, Amy turned back to Claudia and flashed a smile that had more than a trace of a challenge to it. She cocked an eyebrow.
"About that tour?"
***
They started two aisles down, in what Claudia roughly termed the philosophers section. There was really no rational order to the Warehouse-Cleopatra's crown sat next to Jackie Robinson's baseball bat-but over the years various agents had made efforts to organize the Warehouse, so every now and then there were pockets of what resembled coherent order.
"Sooo," Amy drawled as they strolled by Socrates' toga, "H. G. Wells is a woman. Did not see that coming."
"I know, right?" Claudia said excitedly. "Kinda makes you wonder what other dudes from history were actually of the female persuasion. Like, maybe the whole Marlowe/Shakespeare argument exists because a woman wrote Hamlet."
"It would explain a lot," Amy responded before continuing archly, "but I happen to have it on good authority that Shakespeare was the manly type. Haven't met him myself, but the Doctor has."
"Methuselah, that's right!" Claudia said. "I still can't get over this space and time travel stuff. Meeting Shakespeare? That is so beyond wild. Is that what you two do-just travel around through time and space, becoming bff's with aliens and anyone who's had a special on the History Channel?
"Pretty much," Amy said. "We're kind of like tourists. Really, really meddlesome tourists." She stopped suddenly, looking at one of the shelves. "Is that really Galileo's telescope?"
"Yup," Claudia replied with a nod. "Anyone who uses it can see anywhere else in the world."
"Get out," Amy said. She took a step towards the telescope and then turned to Claudia, her eyes shining. "Can I try it out?"
Claudia hesitated; Artie would certainly not approve. Then again, Artie, Myka, and Pete were all in England at the moment chasing after Queen Anne's snuffbox. And something in the pleading way Amy was looking at her was rapidly melting all her objections. It must be the hair. Or maybe the accent-Claudia was helpless against a good accent. Or possibly it was the short skirt. Regardless, she found herself reaching over to pick up the telescope, for the first time in her life feeling like the responsible one. Amy grinned delightedly.
"Ok, so here's the deal," Claudia began. "All you have to do is think really hard about where you want to see, and the telescope will show you. Though I really wouldn't suggest accidentally wondering where those little meat bits in hot pockets come from." She shuddered slightly before continuing. "It'll be a little fuzzy, but you can't really blame Galileo for that. There are, like, twelve Galileo telescopes in the Warehouse, and they all do something different. The dude was a genius, and apparently super artifacty."
Amy was already closing her eyes, clearly thinking about a certain place. Then she opened them and placed the telescope delicately to her right eye. Claudia watched as a smile spread across her face.
"That's marvelous," she breathed. "It's like I'm right there."
"Where are you looking?" Claudia asked curiously.
"Home," Amy said. "It's only been a few hours for everyone there, but it's been weeks for me. Just wanted to see whether everything's fallen to pieces while I was gone-it usually does."
"Checking in on the parental units?" Claudia asked knowingly.
"Nope," Amy said, lowering the telescope. "Don’t actually have those, not anymore. I was checking on…" she hesitated, then shrugged. "A boy. His name's Rory. I'm supposed to marry him tomorrow morning. Or yesterday. Or four weeks ago." She threw Claudia an impish, not particularly repentant grin. "It's a bit complicated."
"Word," Claudia replied with a nod, unsure why this news sent a little ping of disappointment through her. She took the telescope from Amy.
"I'm short on the parentals myself," she said as she replaced the telescope on the shelf. "My big brother's still around, but he's bumming around at CERN now."
"He a redhead too?" Amy asked, her tone teasing as she quirked an eyebrow Claudia's way. "You just don’t get enough gingers in the business, I say. Though I take it 'Donovan' means you came by it Irish, not the proper Scottish way." Claudia nodded, feeling a smile pull at her lips.
"My grandparents were right off the boat. You don't get this pale without some mega genetics." Amy snorted her agreement and kept walking, eyes darting eagerly around the towering shelves. She stopped short.
"Hey hey, is that L. Frank Baum's pocketwatch?"
"Ok, yeah, that one you can't touch," Claudia said hastily, moving to intercept Amy's hand as it reached for the object. "Think less, 'Follow the Technicolor yellow brick road' and more 'A wicked witch and her wacky, feral monkeys are chasing after us and trying to murder us to pieces.' You can never tell what kind of stuff an artifact will do."
"So is that what you do?" Amy asked after carefully drawing her hand away from the object in question. "Collect the dangerous tiddlybits of the universe and box them all up so no one can use them?" She wiggled her fingers vaguely to demonstrate the mystical elements of this project.
"That's pretty much it in a giant nutshell," Claudia said.
"Don't you ever want to use these things, though?" Amy asked, wrinkling her nose. "It seems an awful waste just to let them sit here."
"Trust me, I've had this argument way too many times," Claudia replied with a sigh. "I mean, I get that a lot of the artifacts are super dangerous and cause the fatal kind of wacky hijinks, but some of this stuff is just too cool to waste." She shrugged. "But I don't make the calls; I just bag it and tag it."
"Still, I bet it's exciting, right? All that chasing after magical objects and wicked villains who are up to no good?" Amy made a little one-two punch motion that Claudia suspected was supposed to represent fighting, but mostly looked like the breaststroke.
"You have no idea, dude," Claudia said. "I've seen some major DEFCON 1 stuff here. I met the real Alice in Wonderland, you know."
"Really?" Amy asked, intrigued. "What was she like? I always imagined Alice in Wonderland would be a wretched drinking partner--way too moody."
"You're telling me," Claudia said with a snort. "That lady is way crazy and wicked homicidal. Which is what happens to a lot of people who get these objects, apparently. Take, for instance, the time the spirit of Edgar Allan Poe tried to decapitate me with a pendulum."
Amy winced sympathetically. "He was kind of a gloomy bastard, wasn't he?"
"Totally," Claudia agreed. "Yeah, it gets pretty crazy around here, but it's nothing compared to a time-traveling spaceship. Have you ever been to another planet?" Her expression was eager, her mind conjuring visions of tentacled monsters and intergalactic space fights.
"Not yet," Amy said wistfully, before her eyes lit up again. "But I have gone 1,300 years in the future, when all of Britain was pitched on top of a blooming giant space whale."
"A space whale? Wow." Then Claudia seemed to actually consider Amy's words and her expression became more skeptical. "That…well, honestly, that sounds ridiculous."
"You don't know the half of it until you're covered in giant whale sick and the bloody Queen of England is firing a laser gun over your head," Amy proclaimed. Then she grinned. "I also met Winston Churchill during the blitz."
"No freaking way!" Claudia said, eyes going wide. "Was he indomitably spirited?"
"The indomitablest."
Claudia sighed jealously.
"You know, I'm pretty sure using his cane makes you a better strategist. I think we have it around here somewhere--probably next to Roosevelt's big stick."
***
They spent the next minutes wandering through the Warehouse, Amy bounding down aisles and exclaiming over the most eccentric artifacts. Claudia was unused to being the one who had to say no, as she did when Amy wanted to test out Virginia Woolf's pen or Attila the Hun's club. In between their explorations they exchanged stories, getting into a brief argument about who had crazier coworkers. After hearing a few tales about the Doctor, for once Claudia had to admit that someone else might be more nuts than Artie.
It was nice, having someone to talk to. Claudia had never really been around people her age, and while she loved everyone at the Warehouse, she couldn't always relate to them (even if she felt more mature than Pete, most days). Amy was fun, and bursting with energy, and anything that would have fazed a normal person just piqued her curiosity. It didn't take long before they were sniping back and forth, bickering over who had seen stranger things and mocking each other about their respective accents. It was all in good fun, but Claudia had a vague feeling that if they ever clashed in earnest, they would both come out of it with singed eyebrows.
Finally, they began to circle back towards the TARDIS, and a slight pause fell in their conversation. When Amy broke the silence, her tone was contemplative.
"Did you ever think when you were a kid that something like this would ever happen? That things like this could even exist?"
Claudia thought for a moment.
"I know this is gonna sound totally weird," she answered slowly, "but I think I always did. I mean, I never thought my life would be this bonkers, but I always had this strange feeling that there was something more out there." She paused, leaning against a shelf as she eyed Amy. "What about you?"
"Well, apparently I grew up next to a 'crack in the skin of the universe,'" Amy said, her air-quotes a study in sarcasm. "So I guess I was bound to have my life turned roundabout. Plus, the Doctor showed up in my backyard in his mad box when I was seven years old. People thought I was a nutter for a long time for saying it, but I always knew he'd come back."
"Oh, trust me, I know about people thinking you're a nutter," Claudia responded with a snort that still held some bitterness. "People suck, sometimes."
"That I will drink to," Amy answered resoundingly. They were nearing the final shelf when she stopped short, her eyes going wide as she stared at one of the shelves.
"Is that Flora MacDonald's locket?"
"Who's Flora MacDonald?" Claudia asked, frowning as she bent to examine the artifact's label.
"Only one of the most heroic female figures in Scottish lore," Amy said indignantly. "Don't you know your Scottish history?"
"Nope," Claudia said with an unrepentant grin. "Don't forget you're the one who only knows 20 states in the U.S."
"That's American history," Amy said dismissively. "This is serious. Flora MacDonald helped Bonnie Prince Charlie escape from the Hanoverians. She traveled the high seas on a rowboat, right under the nose of Hanoverian soldiers, and helped get the prince to France. Spent some time in the Tower of London for her efforts, though they let her out eventually. Charlie gave her that locket as thanks. A right hero, she was."
"Hmm," Claudia responded, leaning over to read the display next to the locket. "It says here that the locket makes those who touch it brave. Huh." She leaned back and looked at Amy's face, and immediately winced. Already she recognized that pleading look, and she wondered how the Doctor ever resisted.
"Surely there can't be anything dangerous about being made brave," Amy wheedled, eyes sparkling as she looked into Claudia's. "Couldn't we just see it, just for a moment?"
At the look in Amy's eyes, Claudia's throat had suddenly gone dry, and she wondered briefly whether Amy possessed her own artifact of persuasion. She shook her head ruefully.
"Ok, fine. This one's classified as low-danger, so I guess it couldn't hurt to try it out. But you so don't get to blame me if this turns into a Saved by the Bell after-school special about thrill addictions." Carefully, she reached over to remove the locket from its case. Her fingers tingled slightly when she touched it, but she noticed no other effect. She turned towards Amy and held it out towards her. "Do you want to try it on?"
"Does the Doctor take longer showers than I do?" Amy said excitedly. She turned around so her back was to Claudia and lifted her hair off her neck. "Do you mind?"
"Sure," Claudia said, taking a step towards the other girl and passing the necklace around her neck. The clasp was small, so she had to lean in to lock it. Her fingers brushed the soft skin of Amy's neck, and she felt a sensation run up her fingers that she didn't think she could blame on the locket. She couldn't help but notice that Amy smelled nice, like some unidentifiable spice from some unimaginable planet. Claudia had a sudden urge to press her nose to the curve of Amy's shoulder, and run her fingers down the slope of her throat. She mentally smacked herself and refocused.
Finally, the clasp caught and Claudia took a step back. Amy turned around to face her, letting her hair fall back down around her shoulders.
"Well?" Claudia prodded, suddenly feeling shy. "Do you feel braver?"
"Don't know yet," Amy mused, unconsciously reaching up to touch the locket at her throat. She gave Claudia an unreadable look. Then, slowly, she took a step towards her. Claudia swallowed. Amy reached up and touched her fingers to the blue streak in Claudia's hair, letting her fingers trail down the strand and then tugging gently at the end. She grinned.
"I rather like the blue. I tried to dye my hair once-black. It was wretched. It ended up turning green instead, just like in Anne of Green Gables."
"Another classic redhead," Claudia babbled inanely, suddenly painfully aware of how close Amy now stood, how she could feel the warmth radiating off her body. "We should all join up with Ron Weasley and form an international coalition of gingers. We could totally take over the world. Except Anne was Canadian, and I don't think she was that violent, and Ron was kind of a wimp sometimes, and I'm not the best shot with the Tesla." Claudia swallowed again, letting out a nervous half-chuckle as her eyes met Amy's, which were glittering with amusement.
"Oh, absolutely we should," Amy agreed with a serious nod, her hand drifting down to Claudia's shoulder where she let it rest, fingers just pressing into her skin. Claudia couldn't seem to take her gaze away from Amy's eyes, but Amy was strangely fixated on Claudia's lips.
"So, uh, do you feel anything?" Claudia asked, convinced that Amy could hear the loud dub-dub of her heart against her ribs.
"No," Amy said slowly, taking another small step towards Claudia. Their noses were almost touching now, and Claudia could make out the freckles dusting Amy's cheeks, the flecks of hazel in her eyes. Amy's hand suddenly slid from Claudia's shoulder down her arm, and she let her fingers ghost over Claudia's knuckles before settling her hand lightly on her hip. "Are you feeling anything? You touched it too."
"Nada," Claudia said, swallowing a nervous laugh with a no less nervous smile. "I guess it doesn't work."
"I guess not," Amy murmured, and Claudia could feel her breath across her lips, her thumb stroking her hip. And then Amy leaned in, and Claudia leaned back, and they were kissing.
***
When Amy kissed Claudia, she tasted unending vistas, hints of arcane history and magic, and a pulsing, irrepressible energy, almost like electricity. Her lips tingled with the sensation, even as they felt the very real touch of Claudia's mouth pressing against hers, and the even more concrete hint of mango-pineapple chapstick. She wondered briefly if all American girls kissed like this. If so, she was making the Doctor visit the States more often.
***
When Claudia kissed Amy, she tasted things she couldn't understand, things she had never even dreamed of. It felt like moving and spinning and falling, always somewhere new, always somewhen new. She wanted more, and not just because Amy's lips were soft and her tongue playful and her body warm, though none of these things hurt. Kissing Amy was like exploring land that only existed in the imagination, and Claudia wondered briefly if this was what Time tasted like.
***
When they finally broke apart, they were both breathing a little harder.
"Wow," Amy said, blinking.
"Yeah," Claudia replied, running her tongue over her lips where Amy's had just been.
They stood there for a moment, a pair of goofy smiles plastered on their faces. Before they could say anything more, though, they heard a familiar voice shouting,
"Pond! Donovan! Where'd you get off to? It's possible we may have a wee problem."
They exchanged a look, and then Amy shrugged and grinned.
"It wouldn't be a proper trip without a wee problem, would it?" She quickly unclasped the locket and returned it to its place. Then they were off, racing back towards the TARDIS and the Doctor's voice.
When they arrived, they found the Doctor standing by the TARDIS, frowning down at the shoebox-size metal cube in his hands. He looked up when they arrived.
"Ah, there you are!" he said brightly. "Found the dimensional stabilizer."
"Wait, are you planning on stealing our dimensional stabilizer?" Claudia asked accusingly, looking at the box in his hands.
"Of course not," he said indignantly. "We're hardly space pirates! Well, not today, anyway. This is a brand-new dimensional stabilizer I made myself to replace the old one in the TARDIS. Lovely, isn't it?"
"It looks like a box," Claudia said pointedly.
"Yes, well, it does, rather." The Doctor patted the stabilizer protectively. "But the inside is quite complicated, I assure you, and it was missing a few parts that only another stabilizer could provide. Ergo, the need for your Warehouse's stabilizer. Don't worry," he continued, seeing Claudia open her mouth to speak. "All the bits I took are self-replicating, so the dimensions here are still in tip-top shape."
"So what's the wee problem you mentioned?" Amy interjected.
"Ah, right, that," the Doctor said, his face falling. "Well, you see, I can't exactly turn the new destabilizer on while the old one is running. Since we're already inside the Warehouse's dimension, that would create a dimension inside a dimension inside a dimension inside a dimension, which would be…bad."
"What kind of bad are we talking?" Claudia asked suspiciously.
"Giant explosion bad?"
"Oh."
"So why don't we just turn off the old dimensional whatsit," Amy offered.
The Doctor coughed uncomfortably.
"Well, see, that's one of the problems with the old one-the off button doesn't work."
"The off button doesn't work?" Claudia asked incredulously.
"Yes," the Doctor answered, trying for an apologetic smile. "It got damaged a while ago-300, 400 years ago, I think-and I just never got around to fixing it. Whoopsie."
Claudia shook her head, trying to process both their imminent doom and the revelation that the Doctor was over 400 years old.
"So what happens if you just let the old destabilizer, you know, putter out?" Amy asked, giving an indistinct wave of her hands.
"Well," the Doctor began matter-of-factly, "the current destabilizer will deteriorate until the TARDIS's interior begins to ooze into this world, like the jam from a mashed Jammie Dodger. And the TARDIS's interior is…large."
"So that means the TARDIS's interior would…" Amy prodded.
"Ah, essentially crush all of us, and possibly the greater tri-state area."
"Huh." There was a silence, which Claudia tentatively broke.
"And how long before the old one deteriorates?"
The Doctor thought for a moment, cocking his head to the side before responding,
"Oh, I'd say, seven minutes?"
"What?" Claudia squawked, but Amy was already moving towards the TARDIS.
"Ok, so we're on a schedule, people," she said, manic energy practically bubbling off of her. "Let's get to it, Doctor. What's the plan, what's the strategy, what mad thing are we going to think of? Always better under pressure, aren't we then?"
"Oh, I absolutely have a plan," the Doctor said confidently. He met two expecting set of eyes, and his next words were slightly more drawn out. "And that plan is…to think very hard of a good plan."
"I gotta say, I think you need to get a refund on your higher-being street cred," Claudia said, the barest hint of panic lacing her voice. "I was really expecting to be a little more wowed by my first contact with greater alien intelligence." The Doctor seemed like he was about to retort when Amy suddenly spoke up.
"Wait, wait, wait," she said, standing stock still and holding up her index finger up for attention. She looked at Claudia. "Weren't you telling me about that purple goop you use to neutralize your artifact thingamabobs?"
Claudia's eyes went wide with understanding.
"If we could neutralize the old stabilizer-" she began excitedly.
"-then we could turn on the new one at the same time," Amy picked up, "and presto, we've got ourselves a non-state flattening machine!"
Claudia growing smile suddenly turned to a frown.
"But what if it doesn't work? I don't exactly know how the purple goo works; it might not neutralize the destabilizer."
"Only one way to find out," Amy said, grinning at her. They turned to the Doctor, who was looking back and forth between the two of them, a delighted expression on his face.
"Clever, clever Amy Pond, and brilliant Claudia Donovan," he said, shaking his head. "You two could rule the world, you know."
Claudia and Amy exchanged a meaningful look, but Claudia was already sprinting towards the nearest Warehouse station.
"Be back in a microt," she called over her shoulder.
When she returned a moment later, she was lugging a vat of the purple goo.
"Alright, let's get that bad boy in here," she said, patting the vat.
"Come on, then," the Doctor said, approaching the TARDIS and inserting the key. He grinned over his shoulder at Claudia. "Are you ready?"
"I was born ready."
The Doctor opened the door. Claudia stepped inside, and instantly stopped.
"Oh, man," she said, eyes like saucers as she gazed around the control room. "Oh man. This is…it's…I mean…"
"Bigger on the inside?" Amy offered slyly.
"Uh huh," Claudia answered in a daze, before shaking her head, her expression turning serious. "Later. Show me the destabilizer."
The Doctor bounded across the room to the central console. He stuck his hand in among the wires, his tongue poking out of his mouth as he concentrated on finding the right object. Finally his face lit up and he pulled out a box that resembled the one sitting at his feet. Claudia approached him with the vat. She opened it, the bright purple goop glowing softly under the TARDIS lights, and the Doctor carefully handed her the box.
"So you turn that one on," she said, nodding towards the new destabilizer the Doctor was holding, "and I'll drop this one in at the same time."
Claudia looked at Amy, who gave her a reassuring smile. Claudia took a deep breath.
"Ok, on the count of three-"
"On 'three' or on 'go'?" the Doctor interrupted.
"Three," Claudia stated firmly. Out of the corner of her eye she saw the room flicker, the TARDIS wall almost going translucent for a moment, and she wondered if that was a sign of the dimensions beginning to run together. She took a deep breath. "Ok. One, two, three!" And she dropped the box inside the vat, just as the Doctor slammed his hand down on the new destabilizer. There was a near-blinding light from the purple goo, and Claudia closed her eyes against the brightness. When she opened them again, nothing had changed, which she took to be a good sign.
"Did it work?" she asked hopefully, looking at the Doctor and Amy.
"Let's find out!" the Doctor replied, springing towards the TARDIS door and flinging it open. "TARDIS intact," he continued with a confident nod. "No swimming pool in your warehouse. Nothing's on fire. I'd say it was a success." He turned around and beamed at them. "See, I told you I had a plan."
***
Claudia spent the next hour roaming around the TARDIS's console, exclaiming over the gadgets she understood and resisting the urge to take apart the ones she didn't. Now that disaster was averted for the foreseeable future, the Doctor had decided to explore the Warehouse more extensively, so Amy and Claudia were left to their own devices inside the time machine.
Claudia was bending over the console's central mainframe when she felt a hand on the small of her back and a warm breath on her neck.
"The nerd thing is very cute, I promise, but I was hoping to continue our discussion on the merits of bravery."
Claudia turned around to face Amy, who was looking at her with raised eyebrows.
"You can't blame me for being distracted," Claudia protested. "This is an alien spaceship time machine!"
"Uh huh," Amy said, interrupting Claudia's words by pressing a kiss to her lips. Claudia melted into it for a moment before breaking away.
"I may never get a chance to see something like this again!" she objected, trying to put some semblance of authority in her voice, though her fingers were tingling to discover just how far those freckles extended.
"Right," Amy said with a serious nod, even as she took a step towards Claudia, her body pressing Claudia's against the console. She slid her hands down Claudia's back until they settled comfortably in her back pockets.
"This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity," Claudia squeaked, but her protests had become noticeably weaker now that Amy was doing that thing to her ear. "It would take a pretty mega, Death Star-sized distraction to tear me away."
Amy pulled back and looked her in the eyes, a definite smirk on her face.
"I do love a good challenge."
It turned out to be quite a while before Claudia returned to her exploration; Amy Pond was very distracting.
***
In the end, Claudia was still able to examine a fair amount of the TARDIS, though she knew she would never get her fill. When the Doctor returned, she barraged him with questions, only a quarter of which she understood the answers to. He seemed particularly reluctant to explain just what his PhD was in.
Finally, he sighed resignedly.
"Donovan, it would give me no greater pleasure to keep talking-I haven't met many humans of your era who've come even close to understanding the TARDIS as well as you do after only a short period of time. But we really must be off."
"What, why?" Claudia asked in consternation. "You have a time machine-you can stay for as long as you want."
'"Ah, well, normally, yes," the Doctor said, beginning to circle the console and press a few buttons with gusto. "But because of the Warehouse's dimensional stabilizer, we're still dealing with a dimension within a dimension within a dimension, which is…" he trailed off as he began to do some mental calculations, "…too many dimensions. I'm afraid we don't have long."
Claudia cast a disappointed look at Amy, who seemed equally crestfallen.
"Why don't you come with us?" Amy said, taking a step towards Claudia and tugging gently on her hand. The Doctor raised an eyebrow at this, but then went back to fiddling with the controls. "Imagine the things you could see. You could meet the real Galileo, visit other galaxies!"
"Oh, man, you have no idea how tempting that is," Claudia said, a note of longing in her voice. Then she shook her head and sighed. "But right now, I'm kind of needed here. This is my family, and I couldn't just leave them. Maybe some day…" she trailed off, and Amy gave her hand a squeeze before grinning at her.
"Alright then, Donovan, have it your way." Then she reached into her pocket and handed Claudia a small card. "There's my number, though-give us a call, will you, if you ever change your mind? Or maybe we can stop by for a visit some time."
Claudia looked down at the card, her brow crinkling. She looked back up at Amy.
"This phone number has 27 digits."
Amy shrugged.
"Space is a big area code."
Claudia laughed.
"Aren't you getting married soon, though?" she asked, mock-scolding.
"Oh, that," Amy said, waving her hand dismissively. "I've been getting married tomorrow morning for ages now. It'll happen eventually, but there are no rules about what happens before that."
Claudia snorted dubiously, but then she tucked the card into her back pocket. She turned to the Doctor, who was studiously ignoring their exchange.
"Doctor," Claudia said, holding out her hand. "It's been wicked fun."
"Oh, get over here," the Doctor replied, waving off her hand and pulling her into a giant hug. He released her and gave her a dazzling smile. "Appreciate the help, Donovan. And if you ever find an artifact that looks like a big metal trashcan with a plunger poking out, give us a call, won't you?"
"Uh, will do," Claudia responded, confused but too used to the feeling to do anything about it. Then she shook her head and turned back to Amy.
"Well…" she began. Amy took a step towards her, pulled Claudia in, and gave her a whopping kiss that Claudia felt all the way to her toes. When they broke apart, they noticed that the Doctor's eyebrows has risen nearly to his hairline, but they both ignored him.
"Don't get hexed by some crazy artifact," Amy instructed sternly.
"And don't get eaten by some alien," Claudia replied. They grinned at each other, and then Claudia turned on her heel and headed towards the door. She took one last look at the two of them, standing by the console under the soft glow of the TARDIS lights. Then she stepped out of the box and gently closed the door behind her.
She stepped several feet away and stood watching the box as it slowly pulsed in and out of sight, now understanding where the sound that had first summoned her had come from. Finally, the TARDIS was gone, the sound of its parking break still faintly echoing around the cavernous Warehouse.
Claudia sighed.
"They are so not going to believe this."
And maybe, just this once, she would keep it to herself.
The End.
Fandom: Warehouse 13 and Doctor Who (Crossover)
Rating: PG
Pairing: Claudia Donovan/Amy Pond
Word Count: ~8,000
Spoilers: Through "Time Will Tell" (2.01) of Warehouse 13 and "Victory of the Daleks" (5.03) of Doctor Who
Summary: They have an awful lot in common.
A/N: Most of this was written a month ago, pre-H.G. in her full glory, but it's been tweaked to fit with canon (because clearly that is the most pressing concern when writing interfandom adventures). Takes place during the early part of W13 Season 2, and some time before "The Time of Angels" in Doctor Who. Title borrowed from Anne Shirley.
It wasn't so much the box's presence that bothered Claudia-as far as artifacts went, it actually seemed fairly mundane-but instead the fact that it was clearly in the wrong place. Claudia had a strong dislike for disorder in her Warehouse (and it was her Warehouse, in her mind). She took her job as junior Warehouse agent, techno-monkey, and unofficial weird thing cataloguer very seriously, despite what others might think. She was pretty sure Artie thought he was punishing her whenever he made her do inventory, but she secretly loved learning the arcane, utterly preposterous histories of the objects and then putting them in their proper places. And this big blue box, shoved in among the 19th century presidential artifacts, simply would not do.
She narrowed her eyes at the faded "Police Box" lettering as she began to circle its exterior, careful to avoid bumping into a nearby shelf. The box was tucked in the northwest corner of the Warehouse, hidden near a marble statue of Aaron Burr that Artie had repeatedly told Claudia to avoid (something about flintlocks and rage blackouts). She wouldn't have even investigated this section if it weren't for the strange, intermittent whooshing sound that had interrupted her ongoing attempts to add a hover component to Edison's car. Claudia still hadn't discovered the source of the sound, but she wasn't overly concerned; by this, point she had come to accept the Warehouse as home to as many strange noises as it was to strange objects
Sighing crossly, Claudia muttered to herself,
"Arthur Nielson, I sent a very strongly worded memo about always telling me when new artifacts come in. But someone refuses to check his email regularly because someone thinks being a Luddite is just the awesomist."
Claudia scowled before stopping her orbit of the box so she could study it more seriously. Clearly, there was only one course of action, and that was to open the box and see what was inside-for cataloguing purposes only, of course. Claudia ignored the voice in her head (a voice sounding suspiciously like Artie's) that told her she should wait until she had at least some idea of what the object did. Instead, she approached the wooden door and lifted her hand, running her fingers lightly over the wooden grain before reaching for the handle.
Just as her fingers were brushing the metal knob, there was a rattle from inside and the box gave a single, thunderous shake. Claudia instantly snatched her fingers back and took a step away, eyes going wide in surprise. She could swear she heard the sound of someone turning the handle from the inside. Instinctively, she took another retreating step and dove behind Burr's statue, just letting her head peek out from underneath his raised arm.
A moment later, the door was flung open and out stepped a man. He stood, legs wide and hands on his hips, beaming as he surveyed the Warehouse like it was a kingdom and he its king. Claudia couldn't help but think he was a somewhat uninspiring sovereign. He wore the kind of pants she had seen the old professors at her brother's university wear, and a tweed coat that could have belonged to Artie (were Artie younger, slimmer, and several inches taller). He sported a poof of floppy hair that was treading dangerously close to flock-of-seagulls territory, yet still failed to conceal ears that might generously be termed large. Topping it all off was the slightly-askew bowtie haphazardly affixed to the man's collar.
Almost immediately, a young woman exited the box to stand beside him. She had bright, undeniably red hair, which automatically put her in Claudia's good books, and she wore a maroon shirt, a brown leather jacket, and a skirt that was as short as the man's hair was long. She also surveyed the room, her expression curious.
"Well, Doctor?" she said, turning towards the man, and Claudia blinked, hearing the way she stretched out her o's.
"It is bigger on the inside than it is on the outside!" the man said delightedly. Then he paused, a reflective look crossing his face as he considered his words. "You know, I haven't said that very often, except for the time I had a poke inside Einstein's brain. Almost makes me feel small."
"You'll get used to it--the rest of us have," the woman responded tartly, rolling her eyes. "Now," she continued, more business-like, "where exactly are we?"
"We, my dear Amy Pond, are in South Dakota." The man stated the words proudly. Amy only furrowed her brow.
"Which one is that, now? I always slept through American history class-too many old men with mustaches, not enough sexy Romans." She titled her head to the side, pursing her lips as she thought. "I can name at least 20 of the states, but I don't think South Dakota is one of them. What's it all about?"
"Oh, loads of things," the Doctor responded confidently. "Absolute loads."
Amy gave him an expectant look.
"Well," he continued, his tone faltering somewhat, "there's Mount Rushmore, and Deadwood, and Yellowstone." He frowned, eyebrows pulling together as if he was flipping through his mental state almanac. "That last might be Wyoming."
"Hmm," Amy responded, sounding unconvinced. "And why exactly are we here, in South Dakota?" She stretched the state's name out like a questionable piece of taffy.
"Because of this," the Doctor said, spreading his arms wide to take in the entire Warehouse. "Because of things like that!" And he sprang over to one of the shelves, lifting up a complicated gadget that looked like a combination between an eggbeater and a pocket-sized nuclear reactor.
"And what is that?" Amy asked skeptically.
"Haven't the faintest," the Doctor replied, flashing a grin at her and shaking the artifact in a way that made Claudia involuntarily flinch. "Ah, and look there!" he said, eyes lighting up. He bounded over to another shelf and reverently picked up an object labeled Lincoln's Hat. Wear with Care. "What do you think?" he asked his companion, cocking an eyebrow and eyeing the hat speculatively. "I've been thinking about adding a hat to my ensemble-stovetop hats are cool."
"In 1865, maybe," Amy scoffed. "Besides, it hardly matches your bowtie."
"That is an important consideration," the Doctor acknowledged seriously. "Maybe there's a balmoral around here somewhere-can't beat a hat with a giant pom-pom on top."
"Is it a hat we're after, then?" Amy asked, crossing her arms over her chest and giving the Doctor an appraising look. "Not that I mind, but I did think we came to this place for a reason."
"Oh, but this place is full of such wondrous, distracting things-can't you feel it, Pond?" His eyes were glittering with anticipation. "That over there," he continued, pointing to the far corner, "is Nefertiti's headdress. And that looks an awful lot like Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's monocle. And that over there appears to be a young lady trying rather unsuccessfully to hide from us."
At those last words, Claudia started in surprise, unintentionally stepping backwards and knocking over a kettle that really had no place on that particular shelf. She winced when it went clattering to the ground, then gave a resigned shrug, hoping she hadn't accidentally created a ferret. Slowly, she stepped out from behind Aaron Burr, eyeing the strangers with evident suspicion.
"Hello, there!" the Doctor said cheerfully.
"Don't you 'Hello, there' me, mister!" Claudia retorted indignantly. "And don't even think about trying any shenanigans," she warned, reaching blindly behind her to grab the first thing off the shelf that could serve as a weapon. She was hoping for Grant's pistol or Taylor's sword; what she ended up brandishing was a tobacco pipe that had apparently belonged to Millard Fillmore. She frowned at it, but tried to wave it as menacingly as possible. The woman stifled a laugh, and Claudia scowled at her.
"As we seem to be the ones intruding," the Doctor said soothingly, "allow me to introduce ourselves. I'm the Doctor, and this is Amy Pond."
Claudia examined the two of them, both of whom stood placidly next to their infernal blue box. They did seem relatively harmless, and if push came to shove, she was pretty sure she could take down the man, even armed only with Fillmore's pipe. The redhead looked a bit more scrappy, though, like maybe she was a hair-puller (not necessarily a bad thing, in the right circumstances). For a moment, Claudia had the strange feeling that she was getting one of Pete's vibes about these people, but she had to admit that it wasn't exactly a bad vibe. Letting out a breath, Claudia tossed the pipe back on the shelf, where it skittered a couple of feet before landing next to Chester Arthur's mustache comb.
"I know smoking kills, but probably not this literally," she said with a sigh, making up her mind to give in to the inescapable madness that was her life. "I’m Claudia, Claudia Donovan."
"Delighted to meet you, Claudia Claudia Donovan," the Doctor responded brightly. "Terribly sorry to intrude, but we may need a bit of assistance from you, and we didn't really have the time to ring."
"What kind of assistance?" Claudia asked suspiciously, folding her arms and giving them a stare she hoped came off as intimidating, or at least moderately confident.
"Right, well, it's rather a long story," the Doctor said, drawing a deep breath. "You see, we were in the Axiom Nebula when I noticed a teeny-tiny disruption in our dimensional stabilizer. Very useful things, dimensional stabilizers. Splendid for pockets, even better for carpetbags-just ask Mary Poppins-but not as useful when they begin to futz about. Then, to top it all off, our chameleon circuit began to make this terrible coughing sound, sort of like-" and he cleared his throat, clearly intending to serenade Claudia with the dulcet sounds of a chameleon circuit malfunction. Before he could speak, Amy jumped in.
"It's not really a long story," she told Claudia with a roll of her eyes. "He's the Doctor and that's a space and time machine." She yanked her thumb over her shoulder to indicate the Police Box. "Something went wrong with a whatsit inside, and the Doctor thinks you may have a replacement thingamabob floatin' around here."
Claudia narrowed her eyes, looking over Amy's shoulder.
"That's a time machine?"
"No need to act so surprised," the Doctor said defensively. "The TARDIS is really quite lovely, once you get inside."
"Not to insult your box, dude," Claudia answered none too delicately. "I'm sure it's super cozy in there, like a toaster. But I'm pretty sure we've already got a time machine somewhere around here, and it totally does not look like that."
"Impossible," the Doctor scoffed. "The TARDIS is the only one left in the universe. Universes. Universi."
"I'm telling you," Claudia insisted, "we've got H.G. Wells' time machine shoved somewhere in Sector G, collecting dust."
"Ah, H.G. Wells," the Doctor responded, understanding dawning on his face. "Brilliant woman. Terrible cheat at cards. Potentially evil."
"Wait, you know H.G. Wells is a woman?" Claudia asked in surprise.
"Oh, of course," the Doctor responded confidently. "As the Milodites of Traxiom like to say, 'Behind every great man is a woman.' Of course," he added musingly, "the Traxioms have over seventy genders they distinguish based on what shade of purple their tentacles are, so a better translation is, 'Behind every violet Milodite is a more fuschia-accented Milodite,' but you get the idea."
Claudia gave her head a single shake, deciding to focus on the parts of the man's words she understood.
"So H. G.'s time machine-is it, like, bonafide and everything?" she asked, unable to repress her curiosity. "My boss is way touchy about changing the course of history and stuff, so he never lets me play with it."
"Oh, no," the Doctor responded definitively, before amending to, "Well, yes. Well, no." He saw Amy give him a warning look and hastily added, "It's not a proper time machine, not like the TARDIS. It's mostly just a couple of lounge chairs with a vortex manipulator smacked under the dash. Terribly inefficient, terribly imprecise. Quite beautiful to look at, though."
"She is pretty smokin'," Claudia agreed with a nod. The Doctor blinked.
"I was referring to the machine."
"That, too," Claudia conceded easily. Then she frowned.
"So you, H.G.-what's with all the time travelers being English?"
"I'm not English," the Doctor said immediately, his tone almost affronted. "I'm a Time Lord from the planet Gallifrey."
"Well, you sound English," Claudia insisted.
"Oi, and I'm not English either, I'll have you know," Amy piped up, sounding as offended as the Doctor. "I'm Scottish, born and bred. You Americans-never can tell the difference between English, Scots, and Australians." Claudia held her hands up in mock-surrender.
"Geeze, my bad," she apologized, suddenly wishing she had spent a little more time watching the BBC instead of that show about the meerkats. Then she scrunched up her nose, scrutinizing the other two carefully. She didn't know if she bought half of what they were selling, but she'd seen enough weird things not to discount any claims, no matter how preposterous they might seem. And somehow, this strange man (or possibly alien-she was still wrapping her head around that idea), with his floppy hair and funny bowtie, instilled an odd feeling of trust in her. She sighed.
"Ok, so Artie would probably kill me for this, but he's not here right now. What exactly do you need?"
The Doctor's eyes lit up and Amy beamed at her.
"Well, for starters, you wouldn't happen to know where you keep your dimensional stabilizer, would you?"
"Our dimensional whatilizer?" Claudia asked, knitting her brow. She thought she knew about every gadget in the Warehouse.
"Oh, you know," the Doctor prodded. "Dimensional stabilizer? Looks like a shiny boxy thing? Keeps this big whopping warehouse packed to the rafters with the wonders of humanity without taking up half the state?"
"Yep, drawing a major blank on this one," Claudia answered.
"You really don't know?" the Doctor said, taken aback. "Haven't you ever wondered how one building-even one this big-can hold all the squibbly knicknacks you've got strewn about?"
"I dunno," Claudia said with a shrug. "It's a big place-there are corners I've never been to. I guess I just assumed it goes on back into the mountains or…something."
"Hmm," the Doctor mused, clasping his hands behind his back as he began to pace. Then he released an "Aha!" that made both Amy and Claudia start in surprise.
"Of course!" he exclaimed. "There must be a perception filter that keeps you from noticing that the interior of the Warehouse is actually in another dimension."
"Whoa, whoa, hold your thrusters, spaceman," Claudia said, expelling a disbelieving breath. "You're telling me we're in a different dimension right now?"
"Oh, absolutely," the Doctor said animatedly, his thumbs slipping under his braces as he resumed pacing. "That's how the TARDIS works too-it's the only way you can have something bigger on the inside than it is on the outside. Must be the perception filter that kept you from noticing." He frowned slightly. "Now how did a group of humans in the--what century is this? 21st?--get their hands on a dimensional stabilizer and a perception filter?" Then he shrugged. "Doesn't matter. That's why I like you lot--always full of surprises. Now," he continued, turning back towards Claudia, "What do you say? Mind showing me under the hat?"
Claudia looked confused, and Amy nudged the Doctor with her elbow.
"It's 'hood,'" she corrected, lips twitching in amusement. "It's a car thing."
"Ah, yes, show me under the hood," the Doctor continued cheerfully.
"I would if I could," Claudia said, shaking her head. "But I really don't know where it is-I mean, I only just learned it existed."
"A minor setback," the Doctor responded, dismissing her words with a wave of his hand. "That's why I've got this!" And he pulled out a small gadget about the size of a screwdriver, a bright green light flashing at its tip. Claudia didn't know what it was, but her fingers were instantly itching to take it apart and put it back together again. The Doctor pushed a button and the green light began to pulse. "There!" he said with satisfaction. "It's honed in on the dimensional stabilizer's signal. All I have to do is follow the lights and I should find it in a jiff."
"Need some help, Doctor?" Amy asked. "You do tend to get easily distracted."
"I do do that upon occasion," the Doctor admitted. Then he shook his head. "But this shouldn't be too much trouble-why don't you stay with Donovan? She can give you a tour!" Amy looked ready to argue, but the Doctor was already striding off down one of the aisles, screwdriver held in front of him like a marching baton. "I'll be back before you can say 'Geronimo,'" he called over his shoulder.
"Geronimo!" Amy yelled back.
"Cheeky!" was all the Doctor said before disappearing around a corner.
Amy and Claudia were left staring at the spot he had disappeared from. Slowly, Amy turned back to Claudia and flashed a smile that had more than a trace of a challenge to it. She cocked an eyebrow.
"About that tour?"
***
They started two aisles down, in what Claudia roughly termed the philosophers section. There was really no rational order to the Warehouse-Cleopatra's crown sat next to Jackie Robinson's baseball bat-but over the years various agents had made efforts to organize the Warehouse, so every now and then there were pockets of what resembled coherent order.
"Sooo," Amy drawled as they strolled by Socrates' toga, "H. G. Wells is a woman. Did not see that coming."
"I know, right?" Claudia said excitedly. "Kinda makes you wonder what other dudes from history were actually of the female persuasion. Like, maybe the whole Marlowe/Shakespeare argument exists because a woman wrote Hamlet."
"It would explain a lot," Amy responded before continuing archly, "but I happen to have it on good authority that Shakespeare was the manly type. Haven't met him myself, but the Doctor has."
"Methuselah, that's right!" Claudia said. "I still can't get over this space and time travel stuff. Meeting Shakespeare? That is so beyond wild. Is that what you two do-just travel around through time and space, becoming bff's with aliens and anyone who's had a special on the History Channel?
"Pretty much," Amy said. "We're kind of like tourists. Really, really meddlesome tourists." She stopped suddenly, looking at one of the shelves. "Is that really Galileo's telescope?"
"Yup," Claudia replied with a nod. "Anyone who uses it can see anywhere else in the world."
"Get out," Amy said. She took a step towards the telescope and then turned to Claudia, her eyes shining. "Can I try it out?"
Claudia hesitated; Artie would certainly not approve. Then again, Artie, Myka, and Pete were all in England at the moment chasing after Queen Anne's snuffbox. And something in the pleading way Amy was looking at her was rapidly melting all her objections. It must be the hair. Or maybe the accent-Claudia was helpless against a good accent. Or possibly it was the short skirt. Regardless, she found herself reaching over to pick up the telescope, for the first time in her life feeling like the responsible one. Amy grinned delightedly.
"Ok, so here's the deal," Claudia began. "All you have to do is think really hard about where you want to see, and the telescope will show you. Though I really wouldn't suggest accidentally wondering where those little meat bits in hot pockets come from." She shuddered slightly before continuing. "It'll be a little fuzzy, but you can't really blame Galileo for that. There are, like, twelve Galileo telescopes in the Warehouse, and they all do something different. The dude was a genius, and apparently super artifacty."
Amy was already closing her eyes, clearly thinking about a certain place. Then she opened them and placed the telescope delicately to her right eye. Claudia watched as a smile spread across her face.
"That's marvelous," she breathed. "It's like I'm right there."
"Where are you looking?" Claudia asked curiously.
"Home," Amy said. "It's only been a few hours for everyone there, but it's been weeks for me. Just wanted to see whether everything's fallen to pieces while I was gone-it usually does."
"Checking in on the parental units?" Claudia asked knowingly.
"Nope," Amy said, lowering the telescope. "Don’t actually have those, not anymore. I was checking on…" she hesitated, then shrugged. "A boy. His name's Rory. I'm supposed to marry him tomorrow morning. Or yesterday. Or four weeks ago." She threw Claudia an impish, not particularly repentant grin. "It's a bit complicated."
"Word," Claudia replied with a nod, unsure why this news sent a little ping of disappointment through her. She took the telescope from Amy.
"I'm short on the parentals myself," she said as she replaced the telescope on the shelf. "My big brother's still around, but he's bumming around at CERN now."
"He a redhead too?" Amy asked, her tone teasing as she quirked an eyebrow Claudia's way. "You just don’t get enough gingers in the business, I say. Though I take it 'Donovan' means you came by it Irish, not the proper Scottish way." Claudia nodded, feeling a smile pull at her lips.
"My grandparents were right off the boat. You don't get this pale without some mega genetics." Amy snorted her agreement and kept walking, eyes darting eagerly around the towering shelves. She stopped short.
"Hey hey, is that L. Frank Baum's pocketwatch?"
"Ok, yeah, that one you can't touch," Claudia said hastily, moving to intercept Amy's hand as it reached for the object. "Think less, 'Follow the Technicolor yellow brick road' and more 'A wicked witch and her wacky, feral monkeys are chasing after us and trying to murder us to pieces.' You can never tell what kind of stuff an artifact will do."
"So is that what you do?" Amy asked after carefully drawing her hand away from the object in question. "Collect the dangerous tiddlybits of the universe and box them all up so no one can use them?" She wiggled her fingers vaguely to demonstrate the mystical elements of this project.
"That's pretty much it in a giant nutshell," Claudia said.
"Don't you ever want to use these things, though?" Amy asked, wrinkling her nose. "It seems an awful waste just to let them sit here."
"Trust me, I've had this argument way too many times," Claudia replied with a sigh. "I mean, I get that a lot of the artifacts are super dangerous and cause the fatal kind of wacky hijinks, but some of this stuff is just too cool to waste." She shrugged. "But I don't make the calls; I just bag it and tag it."
"Still, I bet it's exciting, right? All that chasing after magical objects and wicked villains who are up to no good?" Amy made a little one-two punch motion that Claudia suspected was supposed to represent fighting, but mostly looked like the breaststroke.
"You have no idea, dude," Claudia said. "I've seen some major DEFCON 1 stuff here. I met the real Alice in Wonderland, you know."
"Really?" Amy asked, intrigued. "What was she like? I always imagined Alice in Wonderland would be a wretched drinking partner--way too moody."
"You're telling me," Claudia said with a snort. "That lady is way crazy and wicked homicidal. Which is what happens to a lot of people who get these objects, apparently. Take, for instance, the time the spirit of Edgar Allan Poe tried to decapitate me with a pendulum."
Amy winced sympathetically. "He was kind of a gloomy bastard, wasn't he?"
"Totally," Claudia agreed. "Yeah, it gets pretty crazy around here, but it's nothing compared to a time-traveling spaceship. Have you ever been to another planet?" Her expression was eager, her mind conjuring visions of tentacled monsters and intergalactic space fights.
"Not yet," Amy said wistfully, before her eyes lit up again. "But I have gone 1,300 years in the future, when all of Britain was pitched on top of a blooming giant space whale."
"A space whale? Wow." Then Claudia seemed to actually consider Amy's words and her expression became more skeptical. "That…well, honestly, that sounds ridiculous."
"You don't know the half of it until you're covered in giant whale sick and the bloody Queen of England is firing a laser gun over your head," Amy proclaimed. Then she grinned. "I also met Winston Churchill during the blitz."
"No freaking way!" Claudia said, eyes going wide. "Was he indomitably spirited?"
"The indomitablest."
Claudia sighed jealously.
"You know, I'm pretty sure using his cane makes you a better strategist. I think we have it around here somewhere--probably next to Roosevelt's big stick."
***
They spent the next minutes wandering through the Warehouse, Amy bounding down aisles and exclaiming over the most eccentric artifacts. Claudia was unused to being the one who had to say no, as she did when Amy wanted to test out Virginia Woolf's pen or Attila the Hun's club. In between their explorations they exchanged stories, getting into a brief argument about who had crazier coworkers. After hearing a few tales about the Doctor, for once Claudia had to admit that someone else might be more nuts than Artie.
It was nice, having someone to talk to. Claudia had never really been around people her age, and while she loved everyone at the Warehouse, she couldn't always relate to them (even if she felt more mature than Pete, most days). Amy was fun, and bursting with energy, and anything that would have fazed a normal person just piqued her curiosity. It didn't take long before they were sniping back and forth, bickering over who had seen stranger things and mocking each other about their respective accents. It was all in good fun, but Claudia had a vague feeling that if they ever clashed in earnest, they would both come out of it with singed eyebrows.
Finally, they began to circle back towards the TARDIS, and a slight pause fell in their conversation. When Amy broke the silence, her tone was contemplative.
"Did you ever think when you were a kid that something like this would ever happen? That things like this could even exist?"
Claudia thought for a moment.
"I know this is gonna sound totally weird," she answered slowly, "but I think I always did. I mean, I never thought my life would be this bonkers, but I always had this strange feeling that there was something more out there." She paused, leaning against a shelf as she eyed Amy. "What about you?"
"Well, apparently I grew up next to a 'crack in the skin of the universe,'" Amy said, her air-quotes a study in sarcasm. "So I guess I was bound to have my life turned roundabout. Plus, the Doctor showed up in my backyard in his mad box when I was seven years old. People thought I was a nutter for a long time for saying it, but I always knew he'd come back."
"Oh, trust me, I know about people thinking you're a nutter," Claudia responded with a snort that still held some bitterness. "People suck, sometimes."
"That I will drink to," Amy answered resoundingly. They were nearing the final shelf when she stopped short, her eyes going wide as she stared at one of the shelves.
"Is that Flora MacDonald's locket?"
"Who's Flora MacDonald?" Claudia asked, frowning as she bent to examine the artifact's label.
"Only one of the most heroic female figures in Scottish lore," Amy said indignantly. "Don't you know your Scottish history?"
"Nope," Claudia said with an unrepentant grin. "Don't forget you're the one who only knows 20 states in the U.S."
"That's American history," Amy said dismissively. "This is serious. Flora MacDonald helped Bonnie Prince Charlie escape from the Hanoverians. She traveled the high seas on a rowboat, right under the nose of Hanoverian soldiers, and helped get the prince to France. Spent some time in the Tower of London for her efforts, though they let her out eventually. Charlie gave her that locket as thanks. A right hero, she was."
"Hmm," Claudia responded, leaning over to read the display next to the locket. "It says here that the locket makes those who touch it brave. Huh." She leaned back and looked at Amy's face, and immediately winced. Already she recognized that pleading look, and she wondered how the Doctor ever resisted.
"Surely there can't be anything dangerous about being made brave," Amy wheedled, eyes sparkling as she looked into Claudia's. "Couldn't we just see it, just for a moment?"
At the look in Amy's eyes, Claudia's throat had suddenly gone dry, and she wondered briefly whether Amy possessed her own artifact of persuasion. She shook her head ruefully.
"Ok, fine. This one's classified as low-danger, so I guess it couldn't hurt to try it out. But you so don't get to blame me if this turns into a Saved by the Bell after-school special about thrill addictions." Carefully, she reached over to remove the locket from its case. Her fingers tingled slightly when she touched it, but she noticed no other effect. She turned towards Amy and held it out towards her. "Do you want to try it on?"
"Does the Doctor take longer showers than I do?" Amy said excitedly. She turned around so her back was to Claudia and lifted her hair off her neck. "Do you mind?"
"Sure," Claudia said, taking a step towards the other girl and passing the necklace around her neck. The clasp was small, so she had to lean in to lock it. Her fingers brushed the soft skin of Amy's neck, and she felt a sensation run up her fingers that she didn't think she could blame on the locket. She couldn't help but notice that Amy smelled nice, like some unidentifiable spice from some unimaginable planet. Claudia had a sudden urge to press her nose to the curve of Amy's shoulder, and run her fingers down the slope of her throat. She mentally smacked herself and refocused.
Finally, the clasp caught and Claudia took a step back. Amy turned around to face her, letting her hair fall back down around her shoulders.
"Well?" Claudia prodded, suddenly feeling shy. "Do you feel braver?"
"Don't know yet," Amy mused, unconsciously reaching up to touch the locket at her throat. She gave Claudia an unreadable look. Then, slowly, she took a step towards her. Claudia swallowed. Amy reached up and touched her fingers to the blue streak in Claudia's hair, letting her fingers trail down the strand and then tugging gently at the end. She grinned.
"I rather like the blue. I tried to dye my hair once-black. It was wretched. It ended up turning green instead, just like in Anne of Green Gables."
"Another classic redhead," Claudia babbled inanely, suddenly painfully aware of how close Amy now stood, how she could feel the warmth radiating off her body. "We should all join up with Ron Weasley and form an international coalition of gingers. We could totally take over the world. Except Anne was Canadian, and I don't think she was that violent, and Ron was kind of a wimp sometimes, and I'm not the best shot with the Tesla." Claudia swallowed again, letting out a nervous half-chuckle as her eyes met Amy's, which were glittering with amusement.
"Oh, absolutely we should," Amy agreed with a serious nod, her hand drifting down to Claudia's shoulder where she let it rest, fingers just pressing into her skin. Claudia couldn't seem to take her gaze away from Amy's eyes, but Amy was strangely fixated on Claudia's lips.
"So, uh, do you feel anything?" Claudia asked, convinced that Amy could hear the loud dub-dub of her heart against her ribs.
"No," Amy said slowly, taking another small step towards Claudia. Their noses were almost touching now, and Claudia could make out the freckles dusting Amy's cheeks, the flecks of hazel in her eyes. Amy's hand suddenly slid from Claudia's shoulder down her arm, and she let her fingers ghost over Claudia's knuckles before settling her hand lightly on her hip. "Are you feeling anything? You touched it too."
"Nada," Claudia said, swallowing a nervous laugh with a no less nervous smile. "I guess it doesn't work."
"I guess not," Amy murmured, and Claudia could feel her breath across her lips, her thumb stroking her hip. And then Amy leaned in, and Claudia leaned back, and they were kissing.
***
When Amy kissed Claudia, she tasted unending vistas, hints of arcane history and magic, and a pulsing, irrepressible energy, almost like electricity. Her lips tingled with the sensation, even as they felt the very real touch of Claudia's mouth pressing against hers, and the even more concrete hint of mango-pineapple chapstick. She wondered briefly if all American girls kissed like this. If so, she was making the Doctor visit the States more often.
***
When Claudia kissed Amy, she tasted things she couldn't understand, things she had never even dreamed of. It felt like moving and spinning and falling, always somewhere new, always somewhen new. She wanted more, and not just because Amy's lips were soft and her tongue playful and her body warm, though none of these things hurt. Kissing Amy was like exploring land that only existed in the imagination, and Claudia wondered briefly if this was what Time tasted like.
***
When they finally broke apart, they were both breathing a little harder.
"Wow," Amy said, blinking.
"Yeah," Claudia replied, running her tongue over her lips where Amy's had just been.
They stood there for a moment, a pair of goofy smiles plastered on their faces. Before they could say anything more, though, they heard a familiar voice shouting,
"Pond! Donovan! Where'd you get off to? It's possible we may have a wee problem."
They exchanged a look, and then Amy shrugged and grinned.
"It wouldn't be a proper trip without a wee problem, would it?" She quickly unclasped the locket and returned it to its place. Then they were off, racing back towards the TARDIS and the Doctor's voice.
When they arrived, they found the Doctor standing by the TARDIS, frowning down at the shoebox-size metal cube in his hands. He looked up when they arrived.
"Ah, there you are!" he said brightly. "Found the dimensional stabilizer."
"Wait, are you planning on stealing our dimensional stabilizer?" Claudia asked accusingly, looking at the box in his hands.
"Of course not," he said indignantly. "We're hardly space pirates! Well, not today, anyway. This is a brand-new dimensional stabilizer I made myself to replace the old one in the TARDIS. Lovely, isn't it?"
"It looks like a box," Claudia said pointedly.
"Yes, well, it does, rather." The Doctor patted the stabilizer protectively. "But the inside is quite complicated, I assure you, and it was missing a few parts that only another stabilizer could provide. Ergo, the need for your Warehouse's stabilizer. Don't worry," he continued, seeing Claudia open her mouth to speak. "All the bits I took are self-replicating, so the dimensions here are still in tip-top shape."
"So what's the wee problem you mentioned?" Amy interjected.
"Ah, right, that," the Doctor said, his face falling. "Well, you see, I can't exactly turn the new destabilizer on while the old one is running. Since we're already inside the Warehouse's dimension, that would create a dimension inside a dimension inside a dimension inside a dimension, which would be…bad."
"What kind of bad are we talking?" Claudia asked suspiciously.
"Giant explosion bad?"
"Oh."
"So why don't we just turn off the old dimensional whatsit," Amy offered.
The Doctor coughed uncomfortably.
"Well, see, that's one of the problems with the old one-the off button doesn't work."
"The off button doesn't work?" Claudia asked incredulously.
"Yes," the Doctor answered, trying for an apologetic smile. "It got damaged a while ago-300, 400 years ago, I think-and I just never got around to fixing it. Whoopsie."
Claudia shook her head, trying to process both their imminent doom and the revelation that the Doctor was over 400 years old.
"So what happens if you just let the old destabilizer, you know, putter out?" Amy asked, giving an indistinct wave of her hands.
"Well," the Doctor began matter-of-factly, "the current destabilizer will deteriorate until the TARDIS's interior begins to ooze into this world, like the jam from a mashed Jammie Dodger. And the TARDIS's interior is…large."
"So that means the TARDIS's interior would…" Amy prodded.
"Ah, essentially crush all of us, and possibly the greater tri-state area."
"Huh." There was a silence, which Claudia tentatively broke.
"And how long before the old one deteriorates?"
The Doctor thought for a moment, cocking his head to the side before responding,
"Oh, I'd say, seven minutes?"
"What?" Claudia squawked, but Amy was already moving towards the TARDIS.
"Ok, so we're on a schedule, people," she said, manic energy practically bubbling off of her. "Let's get to it, Doctor. What's the plan, what's the strategy, what mad thing are we going to think of? Always better under pressure, aren't we then?"
"Oh, I absolutely have a plan," the Doctor said confidently. He met two expecting set of eyes, and his next words were slightly more drawn out. "And that plan is…to think very hard of a good plan."
"I gotta say, I think you need to get a refund on your higher-being street cred," Claudia said, the barest hint of panic lacing her voice. "I was really expecting to be a little more wowed by my first contact with greater alien intelligence." The Doctor seemed like he was about to retort when Amy suddenly spoke up.
"Wait, wait, wait," she said, standing stock still and holding up her index finger up for attention. She looked at Claudia. "Weren't you telling me about that purple goop you use to neutralize your artifact thingamabobs?"
Claudia's eyes went wide with understanding.
"If we could neutralize the old stabilizer-" she began excitedly.
"-then we could turn on the new one at the same time," Amy picked up, "and presto, we've got ourselves a non-state flattening machine!"
Claudia growing smile suddenly turned to a frown.
"But what if it doesn't work? I don't exactly know how the purple goo works; it might not neutralize the destabilizer."
"Only one way to find out," Amy said, grinning at her. They turned to the Doctor, who was looking back and forth between the two of them, a delighted expression on his face.
"Clever, clever Amy Pond, and brilliant Claudia Donovan," he said, shaking his head. "You two could rule the world, you know."
Claudia and Amy exchanged a meaningful look, but Claudia was already sprinting towards the nearest Warehouse station.
"Be back in a microt," she called over her shoulder.
When she returned a moment later, she was lugging a vat of the purple goo.
"Alright, let's get that bad boy in here," she said, patting the vat.
"Come on, then," the Doctor said, approaching the TARDIS and inserting the key. He grinned over his shoulder at Claudia. "Are you ready?"
"I was born ready."
The Doctor opened the door. Claudia stepped inside, and instantly stopped.
"Oh, man," she said, eyes like saucers as she gazed around the control room. "Oh man. This is…it's…I mean…"
"Bigger on the inside?" Amy offered slyly.
"Uh huh," Claudia answered in a daze, before shaking her head, her expression turning serious. "Later. Show me the destabilizer."
The Doctor bounded across the room to the central console. He stuck his hand in among the wires, his tongue poking out of his mouth as he concentrated on finding the right object. Finally his face lit up and he pulled out a box that resembled the one sitting at his feet. Claudia approached him with the vat. She opened it, the bright purple goop glowing softly under the TARDIS lights, and the Doctor carefully handed her the box.
"So you turn that one on," she said, nodding towards the new destabilizer the Doctor was holding, "and I'll drop this one in at the same time."
Claudia looked at Amy, who gave her a reassuring smile. Claudia took a deep breath.
"Ok, on the count of three-"
"On 'three' or on 'go'?" the Doctor interrupted.
"Three," Claudia stated firmly. Out of the corner of her eye she saw the room flicker, the TARDIS wall almost going translucent for a moment, and she wondered if that was a sign of the dimensions beginning to run together. She took a deep breath. "Ok. One, two, three!" And she dropped the box inside the vat, just as the Doctor slammed his hand down on the new destabilizer. There was a near-blinding light from the purple goo, and Claudia closed her eyes against the brightness. When she opened them again, nothing had changed, which she took to be a good sign.
"Did it work?" she asked hopefully, looking at the Doctor and Amy.
"Let's find out!" the Doctor replied, springing towards the TARDIS door and flinging it open. "TARDIS intact," he continued with a confident nod. "No swimming pool in your warehouse. Nothing's on fire. I'd say it was a success." He turned around and beamed at them. "See, I told you I had a plan."
***
Claudia spent the next hour roaming around the TARDIS's console, exclaiming over the gadgets she understood and resisting the urge to take apart the ones she didn't. Now that disaster was averted for the foreseeable future, the Doctor had decided to explore the Warehouse more extensively, so Amy and Claudia were left to their own devices inside the time machine.
Claudia was bending over the console's central mainframe when she felt a hand on the small of her back and a warm breath on her neck.
"The nerd thing is very cute, I promise, but I was hoping to continue our discussion on the merits of bravery."
Claudia turned around to face Amy, who was looking at her with raised eyebrows.
"You can't blame me for being distracted," Claudia protested. "This is an alien spaceship time machine!"
"Uh huh," Amy said, interrupting Claudia's words by pressing a kiss to her lips. Claudia melted into it for a moment before breaking away.
"I may never get a chance to see something like this again!" she objected, trying to put some semblance of authority in her voice, though her fingers were tingling to discover just how far those freckles extended.
"Right," Amy said with a serious nod, even as she took a step towards Claudia, her body pressing Claudia's against the console. She slid her hands down Claudia's back until they settled comfortably in her back pockets.
"This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity," Claudia squeaked, but her protests had become noticeably weaker now that Amy was doing that thing to her ear. "It would take a pretty mega, Death Star-sized distraction to tear me away."
Amy pulled back and looked her in the eyes, a definite smirk on her face.
"I do love a good challenge."
It turned out to be quite a while before Claudia returned to her exploration; Amy Pond was very distracting.
***
In the end, Claudia was still able to examine a fair amount of the TARDIS, though she knew she would never get her fill. When the Doctor returned, she barraged him with questions, only a quarter of which she understood the answers to. He seemed particularly reluctant to explain just what his PhD was in.
Finally, he sighed resignedly.
"Donovan, it would give me no greater pleasure to keep talking-I haven't met many humans of your era who've come even close to understanding the TARDIS as well as you do after only a short period of time. But we really must be off."
"What, why?" Claudia asked in consternation. "You have a time machine-you can stay for as long as you want."
'"Ah, well, normally, yes," the Doctor said, beginning to circle the console and press a few buttons with gusto. "But because of the Warehouse's dimensional stabilizer, we're still dealing with a dimension within a dimension within a dimension, which is…" he trailed off as he began to do some mental calculations, "…too many dimensions. I'm afraid we don't have long."
Claudia cast a disappointed look at Amy, who seemed equally crestfallen.
"Why don't you come with us?" Amy said, taking a step towards Claudia and tugging gently on her hand. The Doctor raised an eyebrow at this, but then went back to fiddling with the controls. "Imagine the things you could see. You could meet the real Galileo, visit other galaxies!"
"Oh, man, you have no idea how tempting that is," Claudia said, a note of longing in her voice. Then she shook her head and sighed. "But right now, I'm kind of needed here. This is my family, and I couldn't just leave them. Maybe some day…" she trailed off, and Amy gave her hand a squeeze before grinning at her.
"Alright then, Donovan, have it your way." Then she reached into her pocket and handed Claudia a small card. "There's my number, though-give us a call, will you, if you ever change your mind? Or maybe we can stop by for a visit some time."
Claudia looked down at the card, her brow crinkling. She looked back up at Amy.
"This phone number has 27 digits."
Amy shrugged.
"Space is a big area code."
Claudia laughed.
"Aren't you getting married soon, though?" she asked, mock-scolding.
"Oh, that," Amy said, waving her hand dismissively. "I've been getting married tomorrow morning for ages now. It'll happen eventually, but there are no rules about what happens before that."
Claudia snorted dubiously, but then she tucked the card into her back pocket. She turned to the Doctor, who was studiously ignoring their exchange.
"Doctor," Claudia said, holding out her hand. "It's been wicked fun."
"Oh, get over here," the Doctor replied, waving off her hand and pulling her into a giant hug. He released her and gave her a dazzling smile. "Appreciate the help, Donovan. And if you ever find an artifact that looks like a big metal trashcan with a plunger poking out, give us a call, won't you?"
"Uh, will do," Claudia responded, confused but too used to the feeling to do anything about it. Then she shook her head and turned back to Amy.
"Well…" she began. Amy took a step towards her, pulled Claudia in, and gave her a whopping kiss that Claudia felt all the way to her toes. When they broke apart, they noticed that the Doctor's eyebrows has risen nearly to his hairline, but they both ignored him.
"Don't get hexed by some crazy artifact," Amy instructed sternly.
"And don't get eaten by some alien," Claudia replied. They grinned at each other, and then Claudia turned on her heel and headed towards the door. She took one last look at the two of them, standing by the console under the soft glow of the TARDIS lights. Then she stepped out of the box and gently closed the door behind her.
She stepped several feet away and stood watching the box as it slowly pulsed in and out of sight, now understanding where the sound that had first summoned her had come from. Finally, the TARDIS was gone, the sound of its parking break still faintly echoing around the cavernous Warehouse.
Claudia sighed.
"They are so not going to believe this."
And maybe, just this once, she would keep it to herself.
The End.