Effervescence
Title: Effervescence
Fandom: Naruto
Pairing: SasuNaru
Rating: T
Summary: Some days are just meant to be shared. Even if the one you wish to share them with is gone.
The pale blue of early morning was stretched over the heavens, the rising sun no more than the faintest glimmer of lighter paint drifting across the horizon, just beginning to shade everything in it's turpentine glow. Below the calm spread of sky, the village of Konohagakure lay sleeping, silent but for the faint sounds that heralded the coming morning. From within the slumbering thickness of peaceful quiet could be heard the occasional clank of pot, rattle of metal shutters, or brush of straw against ground as citizens prepared for the breaking dawn.
There was little foot traffic on the main roads this morning, the streets virtually abandoned of even the typical green-jacketed forms of shinobi on their way to mission, often chatting together as they walked companionably towards the hulking red-painted doors that separated the village of the leaves from the rest of the fire country. The streets themselves were barren, their sidelines decorated with festive garland and streamers, all bearing the swirled leaf of Konoha on a background of brilliant crimson. Soon, as the sun rose above the rooftops on it's slow climb into the heavens, those same streets would swell with people, clustered and packed together like sardines in a small tin can as they jostled shoulder to shoulder for a glimpse at the top balcony of the red-roofed tower in the village's central square. A glimpse of history, if one wanted to be lyrical about it.
It wasn't even as if today's planned ceremony was something that happened infrequently. Village leaders changed with the times, or when another more worthy candidate presented themselves. He'd seen it happen in his lifetime once already, twice if you counted Tsunade's 'reinstatement' ceremony after the fiasco with Danzo five years ago, so it wasn't as though the concept was so hard to wrap his brain around. Honestly.... the hardest part to comprehend right now.. was that all of this wasn't for someone he'd watched and admired.
This was all for him.
This moment, this day, was something he'd dreamed of since he could remember. Something he'd held aloft in his mind as the pinnacle of his achievement since his childhood spent watching those faces carved into the stone face of the cliff-side, promising himself that one day it would be his face up there. He'd sworn that one day he would do it, that one day he'd be Hokage. He'd fought for that dream, kept it close in his heart and refused to relinquish it. He'd seen it trampled on, mocked and ridiculed by those who would have torn him down and seen him fail. And in spite of all that, he'd persevered. He'd hung on and thrown all their ridicule and cruelty back into their faces. And now, after twenty years of strife, twenty years of fighting to prove himself and his worth, that day was here.
And he was terrified.
Pacing restlessly, the blonde man shoveled a hand through slightly overgrown blonde hair as he spun to head back along the old flagstones of the Hokage tower's top balcony. Wryly, he cast blue eyes downward, half-expecting to see a paler line worn into the stone floor beneath his feet, following the somewhat winding pathway he kept traversing. It didn't really make sense, at least not to him, why the fact of his own dream looming so close at hand on the horizon should frighten him so much.
Plopping down onto the handy bench in the center with a sigh, he dropped his head into his hands with a shake of blonde locks. It was idiotic, that's all it was. He was a shinobi of Konoha. Sure, he'd spent an inordinate amount of time as a genin, but really that was just because he'd never had the chance his friends had been given to advance through the ranks. But that had changed 3 years ago, when he'd finally decided -- figuratively, at least -- to get the hell off his ass and do something about it. And do something about it he'd done, rising from genin to Chuunin and on up to the vaunted ranks of ANBU within 2 yearss time, a feat that he wasn't going to deny that many hadn't thought him capable of. He should be ready for this, shouldn't he?...
Sighing, Naruto leaned his head back, grimacing only slightly as the hard wood of the bench's back panel dug into the back of his neck. Closing blue eyes, he shifted slightly in the unfamiliar red and white robes. Amusingly enough, he would have expected the loose cowled robes to be far more comfortable, but right now the only thing he could think of was how nice it would feel to slip back into the familiar black with it's gray armour overlayer.
"So you made it after all, dobe."
He stiffened at the familiar voice, echoing slightly through his head, unable to resist the urge to spin around, his own azure orbs frantically searching for a familiar face that he knew he wouldn't see. And true to his assumption, the rooftop was barren except for him, the faintest motes of daylight beginning to gleam from the corners of the railings and the edge of the tiles. Sighing slightly, he frowned at the disembodied voice, sitting back down and turning his attention back to the village that lay below.
"You aren't here, teme. I'm just imagining it."
He wasn't crazy, at least... he was relatively certain he wasn't, and the monthly psychological screening tests the ANBU subjected all their members to said he wasn't. Therefore the only sensible explanation for why he'd be hearing Uchiha Sasuke's voice filtering through his senses would have to be his own imagination. His own desire to hear that same voice one more time.
But that dream was just that. A dream. The one who'd belonged to that deeper timbre of sound was gone, lost to him forever. He hadn't been there when it happened -- and honestly, though it was hard to accept, he knew that was for the best -- hadn't been a part of the group that had formed, that had hunted down the turncoat young man. It hadn't been him who had fought, his hands that had spilled that precious blood. No, while they'd been hunting, he'd been pleading. "Negotiating", he could try and call it, to salve his pride, but that wasn't true. He hadn't been negotiating, or debating. He'd been ready to beg, to plead, to sacrifice anything only to save the one who had been his first friend, his best friend from the fate that Sasuke himself had crafted.
It had been months before he'd willingly spoken to Shikamaru, and even the others in that group had been surprised by his coldness towards them. They'd understood, at least most of them, though Kiba had broken his jaw and Neji -- surprisingly, considering the older boy's normally stoic demeanor -- had coldly put him on his back in the hospital for 3 days because he'd made Hinata cry. Sakura had understood more than the others, she who hadn't wanted to go along with their plan but had seen what he hadn't been able to at the time. That there were things more important than one person's life.
"Of course there are. You actually planned to be Hokage without understanding that?"
The voice again, it's echoing quality eerie in it's strangeness, but then he supposed that was probably the way of disembodied imagined voices of people who couldn't be there. Scowling slightly -- hell, there was no one up here, so what did it matter if he talked to thin air? -- he crossed his arms irritatedly, straightening up.
"I understand that just fine, teme!"
He did understand it, but that didn't mean he always had. OR that he hadn't wanted to find a way around it. Being a Hokage was more than he'd thought as a boy, more than he'd understood as a teen. He knew that now, and maybe that was part of what daunted him. That it wasn't the same dream he'd had as a child. Leaning his head back, he stared up at the brightening sky with a whistful expression. A lot of things weren't the same as they'd been.
"Ne, Sasuke-teme... remember how things used to be? You know, before you turned into a huge jerk? Oh wait, you were always a huge jerk."
"Just like you were always a dobe, dobe?"
It definitely couldn't actually be Sasuke's voice, there'd never been a hint of mirth or nostalgia in his former friend's tone, at least not towards the end of things, when their world fell apart. Sasuke had been too changed, too consumed by his anger and hatred to remember the way things used to be, when they'd been a team. A family, though it had been a somewhat dysfunctional one. Frowning -- it would figure he couldn't imagine a nicer voice, but then it wouldn't have been Sasuke -- he scoffed at the voice.
"I wasn't always, teme. I beat you before."
"No you didn't, dobe........but you might have."
His own vanity, perhaps, adding a note of grudging acknowledgement to the voice, wanting to think that he could have made a difference, could have stopped the black-haired young man's fall towards damnation. Or maybe it was nothing more than a desperate hope, a need to feel that his efforts hadn't been in vain, hadn't been wasted. Getting to his feet, he walked over to the edge of the rooftop, he leaned over, folding his arms and resting white-clad elbows on the polished metal railing with a faint grin.
"So what have you got to say now, huh teme? Surprised? Got any sarcastic crap to spout now?"
"No. I always knew you'd make it eventually, dobe. Or should I say 'dobe-sama'?"
Ok, now he was definitely dreaming. But even so.... it was nice.
Would you really have thought that, Sasuke? Did you really ever think I'd actually make it?
His musing was cut off by the voice again, velvety in his ears and so real he could have sworn that the crimson-eyed man was standing behind him. It was a guilty pleasure perhaps, but he couldn't resist closing his eyes to the faint rays of the rising sun, leaning his head back and imagining. Imagining Sasuke standing there, a silent, dark-clad shadow with obsidian eyes that blazed despite their depths. Remembering the unruly tuft of black hair at the back of his friend's head, sticking out and around the worn blue of his hitai-ate. He could even remember the smug smirk that often graced Sasuke's features before things had changed.
"So this is your dream, isn't it? Then what are you afraid of? Or did you grow up into such a scaredy cat you're terrified of a new hat and title?"
It was the same mocking tone, the same smug superiority lacing the words, and he pushed back the twinge of regret. Yes, it was his dream, but that wasn't all. His dream hadn't only been to be Hokage. It had been to achieve that goal with his friends and those around him he cared about. And now... that part could never be realized. They'd lost people, lost comrades. Konohagakure itself had been leveled by Pein, and he still didn't understand how the Akatsuki leader had been able to undo so much damage. And still... there were faces missing from his life.
"Shut up, teme. It's not that. You were supposed to be here. You were supposed to be here, so I could make you see. Make you acknowledge me. And you're not."
And with that realization, everything fell into place. It wasn't the title, or the responsibility, or even the unknown that frightened him. It was the prospect of facing all those things, of seeing his dream realized.... without being able to share it with the one person who meant the most. Gritting his teeth against a sudden rush of anguish, Naruto scrubbed the back of his hand across his eyes. Idiot Sasuke. Hadn't he understood? Hadn't he realized he'd always had a place to come back to, a place to belong? They'd been his family, the ones who'd cared about him and cherished him for him. Not for the Uchiha name, or for what he was. They'd cherished Sasuke. Their friend. Their teammate.
"I am here, Naruto. You really are an idiot, you know."
He growled, beginning to toy with the idea of ignoring the voice. It was irritatingly persistent, just how Sasuke had been, and he took a moment to curse himself for imagining so well. Next time he'd make sure to imagine a nicer Sasuke. An 'ideal' Sasuke. Nodding, he gloated to himself at the mental picture even as his subconscious reminded him that even if he'd done so, it wouldn't have been Sasuke. But still, it bothered him. Bothered him that there was so much still left to say, so many things he'd never had a chance to share. So much.... that he'd never had the opportunity to tell the crimson-eyed one.
"I'm not an idiot, teme! It doesn't mean that things weren't supposed to be different! You were supposed to be here! Home, where you belong! Don't tell me you're here, if you were here then you'd BE here! You weren't supposed to turn into a bastard like that. You weren't..... supposed to die. Not before I got to tell you....."
"I know, Naruto. I always knew. You're ridiculously transparent, you know."
He straightened up in surprise, silent as the soft sound played through his ears. It almost seemed to get closer, and he closed his eyes and caught his lower lip between his teeth as he could almost feel Sasuke's presence behind him.
"I cut all my bonds, Naruto. Every tie with everyone in this village. They were immaterial, inconsequential. Unnecessary. But in spite of that, there was one tie that I couldn't break. One bond that I couldn't sever. That was my bond with you, Naruto."
There was a pause, and then the sound of a soft chuckle, as though the phantom Sasuke of his mind had laughed slightly, likely at the expression on the blonde's face, before he felt it. Realer than any imagination, exquisitely tangible in it's faintness, he couldn't help the slight shiver that ran down his spine as he felt the faint brush of lips against the nape of his neck. Then the voice spoke again, warm breath kissing his skin for a moment before it was gone just as quickly.
"Be a good Hokage, Naruto. Like I always knew you would be."
He whirled, eyes wide as he stumbled back, the faint touch seared into his skin like a brand. It was impossible... and yet it had been so real. He'd heard Sasuke, felt Sasuke, even when all logic -- not to mention his own mind -- decreed that it couldn't happen. Eyes flicking back and forth, he scanned the rooftops, looking for that familiar silhouette and finding nothing. Flinging his own chakra out, he groped frantically, desperately trying to feel some faint glimmer, some spark of familiarity, something.... to let him believe that in some way, somehow.... he'd been wrong.
But there was nothing there, nothing but the sun that he hadn't realized had climbed over the horizon already, the muffled shouts of voices -- doubtlessly looking for him -- from below, or the sudden impact of a fist against the top of his head as Sakura's angry voice resounded in his ears, scolding him for 'vanishing like that'.
"You're holding everything up, you idiot! How do you plan on being Hokage if you can't even show up on time to your own ceremony?!"
Rubbing the back of his head with a slightly wounded expression, Naruto allowed himself to be badgered and harangued by the pink-haired kunoichi as she all but dragged him towards the staircase. She was right... it was time to step into the shoes he'd been coveting for years. Time to stop living in the past and move forward. Sparing one last puzzled glance over his shoulder, the new Rokudaime Hokage sighed before turning back to Sakura with a laugh.
"Gomen, gomen Sakura-chan. I'm ready now."
Thanks... Sasuke-teme.
Linking his arm through his friends' in a companionable manner, the two of them vanished out of sight down the stairs, to the cheering of the crowd. The rooftop was silent, abandoned as the others of the village. From overhead, seeming to fade directly from the sky itself, a pair of crimson eyes opened, never leaving the blonde-haired form as the new leader of Konoha strode forward to bend his head and his knee to Tsunade as she laughingly placed the 4-pointed red and white hat on his head. Carefully, he let the genjutsu fade for just a moment as he crouched atop the antenna, a small smile playing across his lips before he drew the illusion back around him.
Naruto would be alright. He was strong, and beyond that, his heart was strong. It would heal, and it would heal without Uchiha Sasuke. It was the way things had to be, but it was still something that the fox-boy would never have understood. To Naruto, there was no barrier that couldn't be torn down, no wall that couldn't be climbed, no divide that couldn't be broached. And maybe, at least for the irrepressible blonde, that was true. But for the rest of them, especially for a crimson-eyed nuke-nin... there were chasms that couldn't be spanned.
He'd watched, silently and from the shadows, as the ripples from his 'death' had spread, watched with some degree of remorse, as the one person who -- despite everything he tried to tell himself -- he couldn't completely excise from his life had suffered. It had been necessary, necessary but harder than he'd expected to put together, and he still carried the scar from a wound that had nearly taken his right eye. They believed him dead, had no reason to question it. After all, they'd had a body. One he'd taken such care to prepare, the genjutsu some of the hardest he'd ever worked. It had taken him months to work the jutsu, to find a way to make it so subtle, so complete. And it had worked. Uchiha Sasuke had vanished from existence in a blaze, and he'd faded into the shadows. But only for a time. He'd been there at night, unknown to the other boy, watching over the Kyuubi's jinchuuriki as that familiar striped face twisted with nightmares. He'd watched, enshrouded by genjutsu, as Naruto struggled through his depression and bloomed, his face curling into a smug smirk as he'd watched the blonde man do everything that Sasuke had always known he'd do. Not surprising, Naruto had always been so stubborn. And while he'd stayed mostly away after that -- it was too risky, no matter how well he'd mastered his genjutsu -- he hadn't been able to STAY away. To simply let go and stop coming back.
That was why he'd ventured here this morning, in spite of the ANBU he knew were about. After today, he would fade back into oblivion, allow Naruto to keep believing him dead. It was for the best, because Hokage or not.... the loudmouth shinobi would never be able to make the village accept one who had sought their downfall. One who had attacked them, betrayed them, turned from them. Whose actions had brought pain and suffering to so many of them. They wouldn't be able to forgive, the way he could. And if Naruto knew.... then his dobe would never stop looking.
Allowing himself a small smile as the new Hokage marched up and down the balcony, waving at faces in the crowd and generally hamming it up, he straightened up. Unconsciously re-layering his genjutsu, Uchiha Sasuke turned and lept off of the antennae, heading from rooftop to rooftop, for the edge of Konoha. Things were alright now.
Naruto.... go be the greatest Hokage this village has ever seen. Go and live, dobe....
Author's Notes:
Ok, so this one was inspired by an RP that my best friend and I did where Sasuke comes back to Konoha several years after current canon, along with Tsunade's revelation that -- like Itachi -- he has in actuality been working for Konoha all along. I wanted to portray Sasuke in a slightly different light, as someone who -- while he doesn't feel guilt over his actions -- knows facts that Naruto won't see. He knows that, while Naruto may cling to the optimism, the idea that things can go back to normal, the reality is different. And while he knows that, he also knows that Naruto will never stop looking for him, never stop trying to bring him back. So the only way, in his eyes, to see to it that Naruto doesn't waste his life hunting, is to 'die'
Fandom: Naruto
Pairing: SasuNaru
Rating: T
Summary: Some days are just meant to be shared. Even if the one you wish to share them with is gone.
The pale blue of early morning was stretched over the heavens, the rising sun no more than the faintest glimmer of lighter paint drifting across the horizon, just beginning to shade everything in it's turpentine glow. Below the calm spread of sky, the village of Konohagakure lay sleeping, silent but for the faint sounds that heralded the coming morning. From within the slumbering thickness of peaceful quiet could be heard the occasional clank of pot, rattle of metal shutters, or brush of straw against ground as citizens prepared for the breaking dawn.
There was little foot traffic on the main roads this morning, the streets virtually abandoned of even the typical green-jacketed forms of shinobi on their way to mission, often chatting together as they walked companionably towards the hulking red-painted doors that separated the village of the leaves from the rest of the fire country. The streets themselves were barren, their sidelines decorated with festive garland and streamers, all bearing the swirled leaf of Konoha on a background of brilliant crimson. Soon, as the sun rose above the rooftops on it's slow climb into the heavens, those same streets would swell with people, clustered and packed together like sardines in a small tin can as they jostled shoulder to shoulder for a glimpse at the top balcony of the red-roofed tower in the village's central square. A glimpse of history, if one wanted to be lyrical about it.
It wasn't even as if today's planned ceremony was something that happened infrequently. Village leaders changed with the times, or when another more worthy candidate presented themselves. He'd seen it happen in his lifetime once already, twice if you counted Tsunade's 'reinstatement' ceremony after the fiasco with Danzo five years ago, so it wasn't as though the concept was so hard to wrap his brain around. Honestly.... the hardest part to comprehend right now.. was that all of this wasn't for someone he'd watched and admired.
This was all for him.
This moment, this day, was something he'd dreamed of since he could remember. Something he'd held aloft in his mind as the pinnacle of his achievement since his childhood spent watching those faces carved into the stone face of the cliff-side, promising himself that one day it would be his face up there. He'd sworn that one day he would do it, that one day he'd be Hokage. He'd fought for that dream, kept it close in his heart and refused to relinquish it. He'd seen it trampled on, mocked and ridiculed by those who would have torn him down and seen him fail. And in spite of all that, he'd persevered. He'd hung on and thrown all their ridicule and cruelty back into their faces. And now, after twenty years of strife, twenty years of fighting to prove himself and his worth, that day was here.
And he was terrified.
Pacing restlessly, the blonde man shoveled a hand through slightly overgrown blonde hair as he spun to head back along the old flagstones of the Hokage tower's top balcony. Wryly, he cast blue eyes downward, half-expecting to see a paler line worn into the stone floor beneath his feet, following the somewhat winding pathway he kept traversing. It didn't really make sense, at least not to him, why the fact of his own dream looming so close at hand on the horizon should frighten him so much.
Plopping down onto the handy bench in the center with a sigh, he dropped his head into his hands with a shake of blonde locks. It was idiotic, that's all it was. He was a shinobi of Konoha. Sure, he'd spent an inordinate amount of time as a genin, but really that was just because he'd never had the chance his friends had been given to advance through the ranks. But that had changed 3 years ago, when he'd finally decided -- figuratively, at least -- to get the hell off his ass and do something about it. And do something about it he'd done, rising from genin to Chuunin and on up to the vaunted ranks of ANBU within 2 yearss time, a feat that he wasn't going to deny that many hadn't thought him capable of. He should be ready for this, shouldn't he?...
Sighing, Naruto leaned his head back, grimacing only slightly as the hard wood of the bench's back panel dug into the back of his neck. Closing blue eyes, he shifted slightly in the unfamiliar red and white robes. Amusingly enough, he would have expected the loose cowled robes to be far more comfortable, but right now the only thing he could think of was how nice it would feel to slip back into the familiar black with it's gray armour overlayer.
"So you made it after all, dobe."
He stiffened at the familiar voice, echoing slightly through his head, unable to resist the urge to spin around, his own azure orbs frantically searching for a familiar face that he knew he wouldn't see. And true to his assumption, the rooftop was barren except for him, the faintest motes of daylight beginning to gleam from the corners of the railings and the edge of the tiles. Sighing slightly, he frowned at the disembodied voice, sitting back down and turning his attention back to the village that lay below.
"You aren't here, teme. I'm just imagining it."
He wasn't crazy, at least... he was relatively certain he wasn't, and the monthly psychological screening tests the ANBU subjected all their members to said he wasn't. Therefore the only sensible explanation for why he'd be hearing Uchiha Sasuke's voice filtering through his senses would have to be his own imagination. His own desire to hear that same voice one more time.
But that dream was just that. A dream. The one who'd belonged to that deeper timbre of sound was gone, lost to him forever. He hadn't been there when it happened -- and honestly, though it was hard to accept, he knew that was for the best -- hadn't been a part of the group that had formed, that had hunted down the turncoat young man. It hadn't been him who had fought, his hands that had spilled that precious blood. No, while they'd been hunting, he'd been pleading. "Negotiating", he could try and call it, to salve his pride, but that wasn't true. He hadn't been negotiating, or debating. He'd been ready to beg, to plead, to sacrifice anything only to save the one who had been his first friend, his best friend from the fate that Sasuke himself had crafted.
It had been months before he'd willingly spoken to Shikamaru, and even the others in that group had been surprised by his coldness towards them. They'd understood, at least most of them, though Kiba had broken his jaw and Neji -- surprisingly, considering the older boy's normally stoic demeanor -- had coldly put him on his back in the hospital for 3 days because he'd made Hinata cry. Sakura had understood more than the others, she who hadn't wanted to go along with their plan but had seen what he hadn't been able to at the time. That there were things more important than one person's life.
"Of course there are. You actually planned to be Hokage without understanding that?"
The voice again, it's echoing quality eerie in it's strangeness, but then he supposed that was probably the way of disembodied imagined voices of people who couldn't be there. Scowling slightly -- hell, there was no one up here, so what did it matter if he talked to thin air? -- he crossed his arms irritatedly, straightening up.
"I understand that just fine, teme!"
He did understand it, but that didn't mean he always had. OR that he hadn't wanted to find a way around it. Being a Hokage was more than he'd thought as a boy, more than he'd understood as a teen. He knew that now, and maybe that was part of what daunted him. That it wasn't the same dream he'd had as a child. Leaning his head back, he stared up at the brightening sky with a whistful expression. A lot of things weren't the same as they'd been.
"Ne, Sasuke-teme... remember how things used to be? You know, before you turned into a huge jerk? Oh wait, you were always a huge jerk."
"Just like you were always a dobe, dobe?"
It definitely couldn't actually be Sasuke's voice, there'd never been a hint of mirth or nostalgia in his former friend's tone, at least not towards the end of things, when their world fell apart. Sasuke had been too changed, too consumed by his anger and hatred to remember the way things used to be, when they'd been a team. A family, though it had been a somewhat dysfunctional one. Frowning -- it would figure he couldn't imagine a nicer voice, but then it wouldn't have been Sasuke -- he scoffed at the voice.
"I wasn't always, teme. I beat you before."
"No you didn't, dobe........but you might have."
His own vanity, perhaps, adding a note of grudging acknowledgement to the voice, wanting to think that he could have made a difference, could have stopped the black-haired young man's fall towards damnation. Or maybe it was nothing more than a desperate hope, a need to feel that his efforts hadn't been in vain, hadn't been wasted. Getting to his feet, he walked over to the edge of the rooftop, he leaned over, folding his arms and resting white-clad elbows on the polished metal railing with a faint grin.
"So what have you got to say now, huh teme? Surprised? Got any sarcastic crap to spout now?"
"No. I always knew you'd make it eventually, dobe. Or should I say 'dobe-sama'?"
Ok, now he was definitely dreaming. But even so.... it was nice.
Would you really have thought that, Sasuke? Did you really ever think I'd actually make it?
His musing was cut off by the voice again, velvety in his ears and so real he could have sworn that the crimson-eyed man was standing behind him. It was a guilty pleasure perhaps, but he couldn't resist closing his eyes to the faint rays of the rising sun, leaning his head back and imagining. Imagining Sasuke standing there, a silent, dark-clad shadow with obsidian eyes that blazed despite their depths. Remembering the unruly tuft of black hair at the back of his friend's head, sticking out and around the worn blue of his hitai-ate. He could even remember the smug smirk that often graced Sasuke's features before things had changed.
"So this is your dream, isn't it? Then what are you afraid of? Or did you grow up into such a scaredy cat you're terrified of a new hat and title?"
It was the same mocking tone, the same smug superiority lacing the words, and he pushed back the twinge of regret. Yes, it was his dream, but that wasn't all. His dream hadn't only been to be Hokage. It had been to achieve that goal with his friends and those around him he cared about. And now... that part could never be realized. They'd lost people, lost comrades. Konohagakure itself had been leveled by Pein, and he still didn't understand how the Akatsuki leader had been able to undo so much damage. And still... there were faces missing from his life.
"Shut up, teme. It's not that. You were supposed to be here. You were supposed to be here, so I could make you see. Make you acknowledge me. And you're not."
And with that realization, everything fell into place. It wasn't the title, or the responsibility, or even the unknown that frightened him. It was the prospect of facing all those things, of seeing his dream realized.... without being able to share it with the one person who meant the most. Gritting his teeth against a sudden rush of anguish, Naruto scrubbed the back of his hand across his eyes. Idiot Sasuke. Hadn't he understood? Hadn't he realized he'd always had a place to come back to, a place to belong? They'd been his family, the ones who'd cared about him and cherished him for him. Not for the Uchiha name, or for what he was. They'd cherished Sasuke. Their friend. Their teammate.
"I am here, Naruto. You really are an idiot, you know."
He growled, beginning to toy with the idea of ignoring the voice. It was irritatingly persistent, just how Sasuke had been, and he took a moment to curse himself for imagining so well. Next time he'd make sure to imagine a nicer Sasuke. An 'ideal' Sasuke. Nodding, he gloated to himself at the mental picture even as his subconscious reminded him that even if he'd done so, it wouldn't have been Sasuke. But still, it bothered him. Bothered him that there was so much still left to say, so many things he'd never had a chance to share. So much.... that he'd never had the opportunity to tell the crimson-eyed one.
"I'm not an idiot, teme! It doesn't mean that things weren't supposed to be different! You were supposed to be here! Home, where you belong! Don't tell me you're here, if you were here then you'd BE here! You weren't supposed to turn into a bastard like that. You weren't..... supposed to die. Not before I got to tell you....."
"I know, Naruto. I always knew. You're ridiculously transparent, you know."
He straightened up in surprise, silent as the soft sound played through his ears. It almost seemed to get closer, and he closed his eyes and caught his lower lip between his teeth as he could almost feel Sasuke's presence behind him.
"I cut all my bonds, Naruto. Every tie with everyone in this village. They were immaterial, inconsequential. Unnecessary. But in spite of that, there was one tie that I couldn't break. One bond that I couldn't sever. That was my bond with you, Naruto."
There was a pause, and then the sound of a soft chuckle, as though the phantom Sasuke of his mind had laughed slightly, likely at the expression on the blonde's face, before he felt it. Realer than any imagination, exquisitely tangible in it's faintness, he couldn't help the slight shiver that ran down his spine as he felt the faint brush of lips against the nape of his neck. Then the voice spoke again, warm breath kissing his skin for a moment before it was gone just as quickly.
"Be a good Hokage, Naruto. Like I always knew you would be."
He whirled, eyes wide as he stumbled back, the faint touch seared into his skin like a brand. It was impossible... and yet it had been so real. He'd heard Sasuke, felt Sasuke, even when all logic -- not to mention his own mind -- decreed that it couldn't happen. Eyes flicking back and forth, he scanned the rooftops, looking for that familiar silhouette and finding nothing. Flinging his own chakra out, he groped frantically, desperately trying to feel some faint glimmer, some spark of familiarity, something.... to let him believe that in some way, somehow.... he'd been wrong.
But there was nothing there, nothing but the sun that he hadn't realized had climbed over the horizon already, the muffled shouts of voices -- doubtlessly looking for him -- from below, or the sudden impact of a fist against the top of his head as Sakura's angry voice resounded in his ears, scolding him for 'vanishing like that'.
"You're holding everything up, you idiot! How do you plan on being Hokage if you can't even show up on time to your own ceremony?!"
Rubbing the back of his head with a slightly wounded expression, Naruto allowed himself to be badgered and harangued by the pink-haired kunoichi as she all but dragged him towards the staircase. She was right... it was time to step into the shoes he'd been coveting for years. Time to stop living in the past and move forward. Sparing one last puzzled glance over his shoulder, the new Rokudaime Hokage sighed before turning back to Sakura with a laugh.
"Gomen, gomen Sakura-chan. I'm ready now."
Thanks... Sasuke-teme.
Linking his arm through his friends' in a companionable manner, the two of them vanished out of sight down the stairs, to the cheering of the crowd. The rooftop was silent, abandoned as the others of the village. From overhead, seeming to fade directly from the sky itself, a pair of crimson eyes opened, never leaving the blonde-haired form as the new leader of Konoha strode forward to bend his head and his knee to Tsunade as she laughingly placed the 4-pointed red and white hat on his head. Carefully, he let the genjutsu fade for just a moment as he crouched atop the antenna, a small smile playing across his lips before he drew the illusion back around him.
Naruto would be alright. He was strong, and beyond that, his heart was strong. It would heal, and it would heal without Uchiha Sasuke. It was the way things had to be, but it was still something that the fox-boy would never have understood. To Naruto, there was no barrier that couldn't be torn down, no wall that couldn't be climbed, no divide that couldn't be broached. And maybe, at least for the irrepressible blonde, that was true. But for the rest of them, especially for a crimson-eyed nuke-nin... there were chasms that couldn't be spanned.
He'd watched, silently and from the shadows, as the ripples from his 'death' had spread, watched with some degree of remorse, as the one person who -- despite everything he tried to tell himself -- he couldn't completely excise from his life had suffered. It had been necessary, necessary but harder than he'd expected to put together, and he still carried the scar from a wound that had nearly taken his right eye. They believed him dead, had no reason to question it. After all, they'd had a body. One he'd taken such care to prepare, the genjutsu some of the hardest he'd ever worked. It had taken him months to work the jutsu, to find a way to make it so subtle, so complete. And it had worked. Uchiha Sasuke had vanished from existence in a blaze, and he'd faded into the shadows. But only for a time. He'd been there at night, unknown to the other boy, watching over the Kyuubi's jinchuuriki as that familiar striped face twisted with nightmares. He'd watched, enshrouded by genjutsu, as Naruto struggled through his depression and bloomed, his face curling into a smug smirk as he'd watched the blonde man do everything that Sasuke had always known he'd do. Not surprising, Naruto had always been so stubborn. And while he'd stayed mostly away after that -- it was too risky, no matter how well he'd mastered his genjutsu -- he hadn't been able to STAY away. To simply let go and stop coming back.
That was why he'd ventured here this morning, in spite of the ANBU he knew were about. After today, he would fade back into oblivion, allow Naruto to keep believing him dead. It was for the best, because Hokage or not.... the loudmouth shinobi would never be able to make the village accept one who had sought their downfall. One who had attacked them, betrayed them, turned from them. Whose actions had brought pain and suffering to so many of them. They wouldn't be able to forgive, the way he could. And if Naruto knew.... then his dobe would never stop looking.
Allowing himself a small smile as the new Hokage marched up and down the balcony, waving at faces in the crowd and generally hamming it up, he straightened up. Unconsciously re-layering his genjutsu, Uchiha Sasuke turned and lept off of the antennae, heading from rooftop to rooftop, for the edge of Konoha. Things were alright now.
Naruto.... go be the greatest Hokage this village has ever seen. Go and live, dobe....
Author's Notes:
Ok, so this one was inspired by an RP that my best friend and I did where Sasuke comes back to Konoha several years after current canon, along with Tsunade's revelation that -- like Itachi -- he has in actuality been working for Konoha all along. I wanted to portray Sasuke in a slightly different light, as someone who -- while he doesn't feel guilt over his actions -- knows facts that Naruto won't see. He knows that, while Naruto may cling to the optimism, the idea that things can go back to normal, the reality is different. And while he knows that, he also knows that Naruto will never stop looking for him, never stop trying to bring him back. So the only way, in his eyes, to see to it that Naruto doesn't waste his life hunting, is to 'die'