Oneshot: The Last Stop (Rose) 1/3

[tasogareban]

Disclaimers: Doctor Who does not belong to me, nor do any of the characters in this oneshot. Doctor Who is property of the BBC and Russell T. Davies. The plot of this oneshot does belong to me though.

Rating: M. Especially in the second and third "parts."

Pairing: Ten/Rose

Author: Cassandra/Tasogareban

Beta: bratflorida

Spoilers: All of the first four series of New Who,  including the year four specials.

A/N: I'm aware it says Oneshot and is then split into three chapters. The fic itself is too large to go in one post so it will be split into three. Everywhere else I end up posting, it will be one complete fic.

The Last Stop (Rose)


You’re falling back to me
The star that I can see
I know you’re out there
somewhere out there.

You’re falling out of reach
Defying gravity
I know you’re out there
Somewhere out there.

Somewhere Out There - Our Lady Peace

The first time he came to see me, that he had actually spoken to me, I didn’t even know who he was. He had a new face, one that was vaguely familiar to me somehow, even that first time. I remembered years later where I had first seen the new face. When I had first seen the new face. During the New Years holiday, ‘05. One cold night, out in the street, as I had been going home with my mother. I had seen him and I didn’t even know who he was. He had told me later that the only reason he would ever come back to visit me was if there was no way he would ever see me again. That’s the way he is, that strange man. Crazy. Confusing. Beautiful. And always lonely.

When he came the first time, he had caught me in the street then, too. I had gone to get chips because he had liked chips when he’d had blue eyes and a leather jacket. He liked them with the brown eyes and the brown suit, too. I just hadn’t known who he was.

The night was cold. She wasn’t used to this weather change anymore. One planet would be cold as winter, with snow falling on perfectly pristine sculptures of red ice. And the next planet would have summer in full effect, too hot to bother disembarking from the TARDIS. She put her head down, the paper bag clutched in her cold hands and held close to her chest to keep warm. She debated running the rest of the way to the blue phone box. Either the chips would freeze or she would. Any of those options would be unacceptable to him.

“Rose.”

She turned upon hearing her name spoken. Whispered. Almost painful, that whisper. Full of sorrow. She froze to the spot with a frown, feeling colder there than she’d felt the entire walk back to the TARDIS.

A man stood in the shadow of a streetlight, his face hidden. She dropped her eyes to his feet, squinting to see. Trainers. Long brown pants. And a brown overcoat. She tilted her head, lifting her gaze back up suspiciously. “Did you just call me?” She asked him, hesitating.

The man came from the shadow, out into the light though his face continued to remain shadowed. “I did,” he replied quietly, almost reluctantly. But even then, he took a step away, turning his face further into the shadow.

She attempted to catch his eyes, even tried to see his face, but all she caught was the hard line to his jaw. “Do I know you?” she asked him, lowering the bag of chips to her side.

The man did not reply for a long moment, his head bowed. The streetlight illuminated wild, wonderful hair, casting a bright light along dark brown strands and locks. “No. I should think not. It’s too early,” he answered her slowly. And he lifted his head to look at her, shaking it faintly. “It’s too early. And I shouldn’t have come.”

She frowned at him in confusion. “What’s that you said?”

Without another word, he whirled on his feet and darted back into the shadow, moving away.

In surprise, she merely watched him stride away. “Hey! Wait! How do you know my name-“ But he turned the next corner and vanished around it, long coattails fluttering behind his tall frame.

With a shake of her head, she lifted the bag of chips back to her chest, embracing it, and continued on to the TARDIS. When she got there, the chips had still been cold. She’d been cold, too. The blue-eyed Doctor hadn’t been happy with either outcome.

The second time he came to me, I finally knew who he was. I was then familiar with his new face and had already come to love it in such a small amount of time. I would have loved him no matter what face he had shown up with. But that time, he came with the Tenth incarnation’s face and I was already in love with him.

He had told her to wait for him while he’d rushed back to the TARDIS. She assumed that meant there was nothing dangerous on this planet they were currently visiting. Any small threat and he would have taken her with him. But instead, he’d sat her down on a small bench beside a pretty little fountain and had told her to wait for him. He would only be ten minutes, less. And off he’d gone.

And now she waited, studying the various races of people that walked past her. They didn’t seem to find her out of place even though she did not share their red skin tone and dark, black eyes. She felt out of place quite enough for all of them.

“Did I leave you waiting long?” he asked her as he suddenly appeared at her back.

She turned, her mouth already open to reply that he’d barely been gone a couple of minutes. And she came to a sudden stop, staring at him. He returned the stare, his jaw tight, dark circles under his eyes. She lowered her gaze to his feet. White trainers. A brown suit. Long brown coat. She slowly lifted her eyes to his face once more. Everything was familiar except for the weary look on his face. It made him a complete stranger to her somehow. Shakily, examining him intently, she stuttered, “N-no. You…”

A small look of understanding came into his eyes and he lowered them, hands lifting to slide into his coat pockets. Silently, he wound around her, and she watched him as he circled her and then sat down beside her on the bench. He settled with a small breath, slouching deep into the seat and a small, wry smile lifted the corners of his lips as he looked up at the night sky. “What was it?” he asked her quietly. “That gave me away?”

She stared at him, leaning forward a bit to get a better look at this version of the Doctor without being obvious. And he lowered his head, his eyes sliding her way blankly. “Um…it was the circles. Under your…” She broke off, biting her lips slightly. “You look exhausted, Doctor. You have these circles…under-“

He nodded in understanding, gazing at her gently.

“What are you doing here?” she asked him curiously. “When are you from? And why do you look so…” she motioned to her own face, waving her hand slightly.

He shrugged tiredly. “Rough couple of weeks. It’s nothing,” he replied dismissively.

“Nothing,” she stated almost crossly. “If there’s one thing you don’t do, it’s lie to me. So out with it. C’mon.” And she gestured for him to talk to her, sliding closer to him.

He watched her move, his brow drawing up slightly. As if the mere motion shook him to his core.

She froze, staring at him. “What’s wrong?” she asked him worriedly, reaching down to his hand between them on the surface of the bench. Wrapping her fingers around his, she studied him intently, noting how pale he seemed to have gone. A moment later his fingers entwined with hers almost painfully and her lips parted, his grip frightening her. Grimacing, she lifted their joined hands and wiggled her fingers out from under his, instead taking it with her other hand and splaying it on her thigh as she turned toward him.

His face was drawn when she looked at him once more, her hand lightly brushing against his comfortingly. “What’s happened? Why do you look like that?” she asked, feeling something tangle in her throat.

Gazing at her, his lips parting, he hesitated, searching her face and her eyes. And she didn’t know what he saw there but a moment later he sat forward, leaning toward her and lifting his free hand to her face. She felt his fingers curl around her ear, his palm pressing to her cheek, and his Ninth incarnation had always taken hold of her that way, as if it would be the last time. She felt her breath catch as this version of him did it now, as he stared at her. She remained quiet, her silence mirrored by him as he searched her eyes, as he leaned his weight slightly on her thigh.

“I just needed to look. To know,” he said to her earnestly, his voice urgent. “I needed to know that…that…”

She shook her head incoherently, straining to understand. “To know what?” she asked in confusion.

He shook his head as well, mouth tightening into a firm line. “To know that it was possible without somehow changing anything. Without-“

She merely stared at him for another long moment before abruptly coming to understand what he was saying. And as she understood, her jaw dropped open, her eyes widening. A hand immediately lifted to her mouth, her back snapping up straight as she turned to search the crowds of people surrounding them. “Oh! You-“

He brought her face to his, his hand dragging her back. “It’s fine. We’re fine. You just…can’t tell me. The other me. Not me me. I already know I’m here, after all. If I didn’t know I was here, well, that would be just plain strange. But I’m quite aware I’m here and I won’t-“ He broke off, pausing. “I won’t be coming again.”

She recoiled at that, her jaw slipping out of his hand slightly. “W-why not?” she asked him. As he settled back a bit she leaned toward him, reaching for him. “I want you to come back. I want to see you. As often as you want to see me, I want to see you. Any you. Any version of you,” she said. And she offered reluctantly, “Just…not the two of you at once. All that time stuff you always go on about. That’s bad, right? But maybe you can do something so I know it’s you and not the other you? Maybe a different suit, a different color?” She paused, gazing at him. Then, tilting her head, she lifted a hand to his hair to brush a lock from his temple gently. “Blue would look good on you,” she murmured, aware that he was staring at her with a mournful expression on his face, one she wished he would put away. “You have a blue suit in the TARDIS, never see you wear it but I know you have it. You can wear that one so I know it’s you-“

He was already shaking his head at her, though a small smile curled his lips. “No. No more. I can’t risk this anymore,” he said, his fingers light across her cheek. “No matter how much I will want-“

As he hesitated, she stared at him. And she felt the question rise inside her, almost scared to ask but needing to know still. “Where am I, that you’re coming back here to see me?” she asked shakily. “And how many times have you come back that I don’t know about-“

“Ten minutes,” he cut her off, his voice registering a sudden rush. “I told you ten minutes.”

She stopped abruptly, confusion blossoming on her face. “Yeah. Wait, no. Not you, you. The other you told me ten minutes. He needed to go get something-“

“And he’ll be back any moment,” he said with a nod of understanding. “It’s fine. I came for what I needed. I’m fine now. For now. For…always.” And saying it, even he seemed uncertain of his own words. Closing his eyes and shaking his head, he stood, his hand slipping away from her face. Her other hand immediately stiffened on the hand she still held captive, bringing him to a stop.

“Why are you coming back to me?” she demanded of him, her fingers beginning to tremble slightly. “Where am I? Why am I not with you?”

He shook his head at her, his expression unexpectedly painful. “You’re always with me,” he whispered to her. And as she stared at him, her lips parted, he leaned toward her, his arm winding around her neck and dragging her to his shoulder. She went wordlessly, burying her face against the coarse material of his coat and breathing him in deeply, desperately. She didn’t know what was going on but she suddenly didn’t want him to go, didn’t want him to have to go back to whatever was causing those circles under his eyes.

“Wait,” she uttered fearfully, hearing his hearts pound in her ear, in her own chest. As he pulled back from her she was still reaching for him. “Wait, please, Doctor. Don’t-“ And a moment later he was releasing her, dragging his hand out from under hers, leaving her thigh cold. Without a look back, he darted into the throngs of people and was gone as she streaked to her feet in search of him.

“Doctor!” she cried after him, lifting herself on tiptoe, her hand feeling icy without his to hold.

“Yep, I’m here,” he replied from off to the side. She spun around, watching with wide eyes as he stepped out of the crowd. His hair was windblown, his suit beautifully brown and he had no dark circles under his eyes. “Wonderful, you didn’t wander off. I got what I was looking for! Just needed to tweak it a bit and-“ He broke off, staring at her as tears rose in her eyes. “What’s wrong?” he asked her quickly.

Wordlessly, merely shaking her head, she moved toward him and into his arms, uncertain she even knew what to say to him but knowing only that she needed to feel him hold her then.

He told me he would never come again to see me. And that was the second time he lied to me.

He rarely came with her when she went to visit with her mother. She doubted he would ever really like her mother. Put up with her, for her daughter’s sake, yes. But actually deal with her, very doubtful. She smiled as she stepped out of her mother’s flat, looking out over the balcony and down to the empty ground below. He hadn’t even wanted to park the TARDIS too close. He was quite silly sometimes especially for an alien, she mused, as she leaned her arms on the balcony railing. Half the time he seemed like every other man on the bloody planet. And the thought warmed her even though the weather was still cool out.

“Did I make you smile like that?” he asked from close by.

She turned her head in surprise, her smile widening. “I thought you didn’t want to be anywhere near my-“ she began with a knowing laugh. And she broke off as he neared another step, hesitating against the side of the balcony. Studying him as he stood beside her in a blue suit, her smile slipped slightly but did not disappear completely. “Ah. And he returns to me,” she teased quietly, turning to lean on an elbow, her other hand lifting to settle on her hip.

His own smile was soft, his eyes defined by the circles under them. “You always know when it’s me,” he said quietly.

She arched a brow at him. “You always look like that,” she replied, pointing to his face with an index finger. “That and the suit kind of gives you away. It looks good on you, though.” She turned back to the balcony railing, returning her other elbow to lean on it once more. When she remained silently fighting a smile from crossing her face fully, he drew closer, coming to hover beside her. And then he also leaned fully against the balcony, looking out over the Powell Estates with her.

They were quiet for a long while, her head raised to the breeze, his bowed toward his chest.

“You left kind of suddenly the last time,” she murmured several moments later, her tone soft.

He nodded beside her uncomfortably. “Yeah…”

“And you said you wouldn’t be coming back, that you would never come to see me again,” she continued in a conversational tone, as if his words hadn’t cut her in half before. It had been two whole months since she’d last seen this version of him and the circles under his eyes were still there, dark as ever.

He nodded once more, a bit more slowly. “Yeah…” he breathed in defeat.

She turned her head to look at his downturned head. “You keep lying to me like this, I might have to get cross with you,” she said coyly and she grinned as he lifted his head to look at her, the corners of his lips turning up. “Is that a smile?”

The smile dropped away. “No,” he said, feigning a sullen expression, bowing his head again.

But she knew that he remembered the first time he had exchanged those same words with her, the very first time she had encountered this new, new Doctor after his regeneration. “Yeah,” she said wryly. And she turned, motioning for him to follow. “C’mon. Mum stepped out. Come inside.”

He followed her with his eyes, stiffening slightly and causing her to stop halfway to her mother’s front door. “I…don’t think-“ he said slowly.

She turned on her heels, already knowing what he was going to say. “Mum’s not here and neither are you,” she let him know, her eyes mischievous. “Besides it’s cold out, colder than I like and I have nothing to wear over. So let’s go.”

Without another word, she turned the knob and entered her mother’s flat, leaving the door ajar behind her. And she fought the smile that threatened to break over her face as she heard him finally enter several moments later, the door closing behind him. She paused in the middle of her mother’s living room, turning to glance toward him, and he hadn’t left the doorway, seeming uncomfortable.

“Are you just going to stand there, Doctor?” she asked him. She gestured for him to join her as she plopped down on the couch. This time she would hold it together, would not fall apart in time for her own Doctor to pick up the pieces. She hadn’t even been able to tell him why she’d been a sobbing mess the last time. This time she would not allow that to happen.

Reluctant still, the Doctor came down the small hallway to the living room and paused beside a lamp table, reaching down to nudge a framed picture. She knew what that frame held. A picture of her as a teen, just before she had moved out with her old musician boyfriend. She turned her head from it, shaking it. She’d been foolish then. She was still foolish now, just not as much.

The Doctor glanced toward the bedrooms, seeming to listen to see if she had been telling the truth when she had said her mother had stepped out. She waited him out, watching him as he bowed his head, hands lifting to settle in his pockets. Then, rounding the couch, he slowed before sitting down beside her.

She waited for him to settle, turning onto her thigh and leaning her head on her hand, her elbow resting against the back of the couch. He seemed quite uncomfortable in her mother’s flat, just like every other time he’d been made to enter. It was typical, she decided.

“Jackie’s really not here?” he asked her quietly.

She felt the corner of her mouth turn up. “Nope,” she answered softly, staring at him. And her tone brought him to look at her. “It’s just you and me here.”

Her words seemed to sink into him then quite clearly. He turned his head away quickly, his mouth opening to speak. “Then I think…that…” He moved to rise once more, gathering his coat through his pockets.

Her hand snaked out to wrap around his arm and she yanked him back down almost rudely, his face registering surprise. “Oh, no. Not this time, mate. You pulled that same stunt on me last time, left me a bloody mess for your…other-“ she gestured toward her door, her lips twisting.

He was staring at her, his eyes having traveled down to her mouth. “My other self. Yeah. I remember that. Both times.” He shook his head. “It’s funny how I wouldn’t know that day but it would all make sense later.” He shrugged. “Time travel. It’s a…”

“Funny thing,” she replied quietly. And she scooted closer, tucking her leg underneath a bit more and sidling up beside him. He allowed her although he seemed the slightest bit uncomfortable, and she found that to be strange because she had never seen the Doctor uncomfortable like that. Not around her. With a small sigh, she reached out, wrapping her arms through his and leaning her chin down to rest on the edge of his shoulder, along the hard bone of it. “So,” she began softly, embracing his arm tightly to her chest. “You wanna tell me why you keep coming back to me?”

He didn’t turn to meet her eyes. “I’ve nowhere else I want to be right now,” he replied to that and he chuckled faintly, bowing his head. “Even at the end of the world…you’ll always be my last stop. Somehow. Anyway I can.” He shook his head at his own words and she felt the sudden strain in him, the stiffness in his shoulders.

She bit back the small smile she felt yearning to come to life on her face. “What does future me have to say about that?” she asked him quietly.

He paused, head falling a bit as he searched for words. “I…like to think she wouldn’t mind,” he answered slowly, carefully.

She closed her eyes at his words, her lips tightening into a painful line. And she turned her head, resting her cheek on his shoulder instead and looking toward the telly. The screen was off and she could see herself reflected there beside the Doctor. The way she always wanted to be. “Am I dead?” she asked him reluctantly, already attempting to build a front should he have answered in the affirmative.

But he turned his head to look at her quickly, his eyes wide. “No! No, not at all,” he replied in alarm.

She shifted her head, her cheek still pressed to his shoulder though she met his eyes. “Then…where am I?” she wanted to know, her expression pained.

He opened his mouth to speak, to search for the proper words. But then he merely shook his head, bowing his head once more. “I…don’t really know anymore,” he said with a slight shrug. “One day…it just all ends and we…separate. It’s the kind of thing that…just happens-“

“No,” she whispered, her tone hoarse. As he looked at her, his face weary, she said it again. “No. That kind of thing…it doesn’t happen. Not to us. Because I would never leave you. I never would.” And her tone was adamant, her arms tight around his. “You and me…we’re supposed to happen. And I would never stop traveling with you, being with you. The only thing that would ever stop me from traveling with you is if you were to leave me, like…like Sarah Jane.” And her voice softened a bit, the name spilling from her painfully. That had been a tough one, that experience. Facing a previous companion who’d had her heart broken by the Doctor. But not her. That wasn’t going to happen to her. “But to stop, to just leave you. No. That’s not going to happen. Not when I love you as much as I do.”

His eyes widened slightly at her last words, shifting from her dark irises down to her mouth and then back up quickly.

“You know that, don’t you?” she demanded quietly, uncertain as to what she was reading in his eyes but not liking it. “You know that? That I love you? That I would never, ever want to stop-“

She didn’t even know what she would have said next. In the middle of her sentence, his hand swept up to take hold of her face, fingers sliding into her hair, his mouth pressing against hers desperately. She immediately stiffened, caught by surprise at his reaction but a moment later she released his arm, her hands lifting to his face, clutching him and unwilling to let him go. She felt the unshaven skin under her palms, the twin beats of his hearts pounding irregularly, beating harder than she was used to from him. But what she felt most, above all, was the rigid line of his shoulders, the tightness to his grip. As if he had never held her before and likewise did not wish to let her go.

Breaking the kiss momentarily, she pressed her forehead to his, her knee brushing his thigh as she shifted. His lips were parted before her, his eyes clenched shut, a wince on his face. She shook her head, her brow sliding across his as she did so. “It can’t be that bad, kissing me-“ she said in a small teasing tone to him, feeling as if something blocked the words from coming out, a thick ball of cotton lodged in the middle of her throat. She swallowed though as he didn’t respond to her words, his head lifting the slightest bit, his breath mingling with hers. As if reaching that smallest bit would convince him she really sat there before him. She brought a hand toward his mouth, her fingers slipping across the line of his cheekbone to hover against his lips. Through the part of his lips she felt the heat of him, the slight heaving of his shoulders as he pressed closer to her and she trailed her fingertips along his bottom lip, leaning to kiss him where she passed her fingers. He didn’t return the kiss, his fingers tightening across her jaw, and she reached for more, lifting herself on her thigh to be closer.

Turning his face from her suddenly, he pulled her against him, his hand leaving her jaw to wind around her neck, to crush her to him. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry-“ he uttered against her ear, his words spilling from his lips frantically.

“What?” she asked, breathless and confused then. And she shushed him, shaking her head against his neck, her fingers wrapping the egde of his collared shirt. “Stop saying that, stop it-“

“I can’t keep doing this, I can’t-“ he whispered, more to himself than her and she felt it when he clenched his jaw, when he growled against her cheek. Then, letting go of her completely, he drew back, shoving off the couch and moving toward the door.

“W-wha-“ she cried after him, unable to even form words. She rose slightly off the couch, following him with her eyes as she stumbled to her feet. “Doctor-“

The slam of the door was her only response. And she was left in complete bewilderment, her lips feeling as if she missed something she desperately needed then.