Burning Bright - Part Two
Title: Burning Bright
Characters: Ianto, Jack, Ten, Gwen
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Not mine, they belong to the BBC and RTD
Spoilers: General, for series 1
Summary: Jack's back, but Ianto's not pleased to see him.
Ianto dragged himself out of the SUV and leaned against it for a long moment while he waited for his spinning head to clear. It figured. He'd coped on his own for over seven months. Jack and the Doctor made an appearance and he wound up dealing with a pack of Weevils, some kind of armoured reptile with razor-sharp teeth and claws and - joy of joys - an extremely pissed off crab-like creature that was about the same size as the SUV. Fortunately for Ianto, the latter being had proved vulnerable to a well-placed thermite charge, although it had done its best to throw him through a wall before he'd got the charge attached to it. The armoured reptile had been smaller, faster and a hell of a lot more vicious. Ianto reached down to his side to check on the hasty patch job he'd slapped on the raking slash it had landed on him and grimaced when his hand came away wet with blood.
"Just what I need to make a lousy couple of days complete," he sighed.
He knew he should check on Jack and the Doctor but he also knew he had to conceal any kind of injury first. Showing Jack any kind of weakness was tantamount to tactical suicide. First stop would be the medical bay, although he'd check on the CCTV on the way. It took him a while to get to the main Hub and he was gasping for breath against the waves of burning pain in his side by the time he got there. He was so distracted that it took nearly a minute for him to realise that he was staring at a freed Jack, who was staring back at him with an expression of horrified disbelief on his face.
"What the hell did you run into?" he demanded.
Ianto was still trying to get his head around the idea that Jack had got free. "How-" he started to say, then broke off when Gwen stepped into view and gave him a disapproving look.
"I can't believe you'd be petty enough to lock Jack up, Ianto," she said before turning to give Jack a smug grin. "Lucky I was around."
For a moment, Ianto was overwhelmed by a wave of pure, homicidal fury. "You stupid-" He choked off the rest of what he had meant to say, belatedly aware that he had automatically drawn his handgun. He also realised that there was one very significant individual missing. "Where's the Doctor?" he demanded in rising panic.
"He's inside the TARDIS," Jack admitted. He raised his hands in a placating gesture when he saw the way Ianto's eyes widened in shock. "It's not what you think, so calm down, okay? The Doctor's just searching the TARDIS data banks to see if he can find some reference to this plague of yours."
Ianto hesitated, torn between paranoia and the almost instinctive need to believe Jack. In that moment, there was a deep thump from inside the TARDIS, followed by a steadily increasing roaring groan. Jack spun around to stare at the TARDIS in disbelief as it shimmered and started to fade away. With a howl of betrayal, Ianto brought the gun to bear on Jack, even though he knew the gesture to be a futile one. Still trying to understand what the Doctor was doing, Jack was slow to react. Seeing the gun aimed at Jack, Gwen stepped between the two men, spreading her arms out to shield Jack.
"Be reasonable, Ianto. What can you expect when you lock people up for no reason?"
Jack choked back the urge to scream at her to get out of the way. For one horrible moment he truly believed that Ianto would put a bullet in her. The expression on his face certainly indicated that he wanted to and judging from the way she tensed, Gwen belatedly realised it as well. To Jack's (and undoubtedly Gwen's) intense relief, the moment passed and Ianto let his gun hand drop as he leaned against the wall beside him.
"You have no idea what you've done, do you?" he asked Gwen tiredly. "Some other world is going to Burn like ours when the Doctor reaches it, and all because it didn't occur to you that I might have a reason to lock them up?"
"I... don't understand," Gwen said, turning to give Jack an uncertain look.
Ianto said something savage in Welsh and started to laugh; a wild, high sound that raised every hackle Jack possessed. He grabbed Gwen, did his best to smile reassuringly, and then shoved her firmly in the direction of the Hub's exit.
"I think you'd better go, Gwen. I'll talk to you later."
It was a measure of how disconcerting - or even how flat-out terrifying - an out of control and hysterically laughing Ianto was, that Gwen didn't argue and left. Jack forgot her immediately, switching his attention back to Ianto, who had slid down the wall to settle on the floor. He was gasping for breath and pressing a hand against his side. He focused a little glassily on Jack as he approached him.
"Weird, isn't it?" he said breathlessly. "I manage fine for over a year. Then you turn up and everything goes to hell in nothing flat. Now that bastard alien's on the loose, spreading the Burning all across time and space." He tried to push Jack's hands away as the Captain tried to see how badly he was injured. "Leave it," he growled. "I failed in my duty. I'm too tired to go on."
"Don't talk like that," Jack snapped. "Look, I know you don't have any reason to trust the Doctor, but I do. He said he'd help and he will."
Ianto tried to laugh and failed miserably. "One liar defending another. That makes me feel so much more secure. The only mystery is why you're still here, but there's probably some profit in it for you that I can't see yet."
Jack paused and gave him a troubled look. "You used to have more faith in me."
"I used to be a stupid child who still wanted to believe in something," Ianto said quietly, his eyes closing. "I believed your lies because they were beautiful and made me think I had finally found someone I could trust. I believed you when you said you needed me. I believed you when you said that I meant something to you. Then I found out from Tosh that you nearly stayed behind in the past for the sake of a man you'd known for a few hours. I also found out that I didn't even know your name. Everything was a lie, and I'm tired of living on lies."
"Ianto-"
"No more lies, Jack," Ianto said, shaking his head. "Everything you are, everything you ever said to me, was a lie. I served whatever purpose you needed and then I was disposable. I've come to accept that, but don't think that means I'm willing to be used again. Just take whatever it was you came back for and go."
"I can't do that," Jack said, gazing at him sadly. "What I came back for isn't here any more." He got his first good look at the injury to Ianto's side and sucked in a breath. "Stay here. I need to get some supplies."
He hurried to the medical bay and gathered the equipment he needed, but inwardly he was feeling more than a little bruised himself. Ianto's words had hit a little too close to home. He was right when he said that everything he knew about Jack was either a lie, an illusion or a piece of misdirection. He couldn't have been more wrong when he dismissed everything that Jack had said to him was a lie. The problem, of course, was going to be in persuading the younger man that there had been a lot of truth mixed in with the lies.
He was collecting the last of his supplies when a familiar sound split the air. Jack turned and leapt up the steps to the main Hub in time to see the TARDIS re-materialise. He was also in time to see Ianto finish dragging himself over to where Jack had put his gun. He'd grabbed hold of it and turned back to face the TARDIS as the door rattled and started to open.
"Ianto, no!" Jack yelled helplessly as he lunged forward, already knowing that he was going to be too late.
A white hanky tied to the end of a walking stick was thrust out of the door and waved energetically. Jack blinked in disbelief, then his lips twitched despite himself. Ianto simply stared.
"Ianto?" came the Doctor's voice. "I'd appreciate a chance to explain before you put a bullet in me."
After a moment, Ianto nodded and lowered the gun. "Fine. Come and tell me your lies."
The white flag disappeared, to be replaced by the worried-looking Doctor. "That wasn't exactly encouraging," he observed as he came towards Ianto.
"It wasn't meant to be," Ianto said coldly.
"Would you look upon me a little more kindly if I were to tell you that I've found the counter-agent to the Burning?" the Doctor asked hopefully.
Jack sucked in a breath as he felt a stab of hope but Ianto's face remained as flint-hard as before. "And I suppose you just left to go to the nearest off-world chemist to pick up a prescription?" he asked in a bright, brittle voice.
The Doctor winced and gave a lopsided smile. "Ouch. If you're like this when you're under par, I'd hate to be your target when you're on top form! No, I left to go to Cardiff hospital and then on to Edinburgh. I needed experts to confirm that the disease I thought was the Burning was the Burning. It turned out that it was and I left the doctors happily rubbing their hands together while watching the nanites that contain the solution replicate themselves in readiness to be released." He settled down beside Ianto and started to check his wounds, tutting under his breath as he did so.
"And then you came back here in order to give us the happy news," Ianto said slowly.
The Doctor paused in his examination and looked faintly confused. "I thought you'd be pleased," he ventured.
Ianto sighed. "We found a cure, Doctor. It worked in the lab, but when we used it in the real world, the Burning mutated and then was worse than ever." He reached out to grab the Doctor by the throat and the gun was pressed against the Time Lord's temple before Jack could do anything. "Any doctor would have told you that, if you had gone to them the way you said. This is another lie."
"No!" the Doctor yelped. "It's not a lie, Ianto. They did talk about the failed cure, but the nanites are different. They don't attack the Burning; they consume it. They spread out and every time they encounter the Burning they eat it. There's no opportunity for the Burning to mutate. It just stops." There was a long pause. "Um, could you let go of my throat now?" he asked nervously.
Ianto smiled mirthlessly. "And having single-handedly saved the world, you hurried back here so we could congratulate you?"
"Well, to tell the truth, I came back because I realised I had been in such a hurry I hadn't inoculated Jack with the nanites and I'd prefer not to have to watch him killing himself in a casual fashion yet again. It's very unsettling to watch. You know, I really would prefer it if you were to let go of my throat."
"So you need to take Jack into the TARDIS to make him better?" Ianto smiled coldly and pulled the Doctor closer. "How stupid do you think I am? You'd get him in there and the pair of you would be off and leave the Earth to turn to ash."
The Doctor coughed and wheezed a little. "Not stupid but very, very focused at the moment. Maybe a little too focused. Look, I know how it looks, but if it makes you feel any better, I can bring the nanites out to Jack if you prefer."
"Ianto, he's not trying to trick you," Jack said desperately. "I know it doesn't mean much to you, but I swear on everything I care about that we're not trying to trick you."
"You're right; it doesn't mean much," Ianto retorted. "The Lord of Lies and his Heir Apparent, both so earnestly pleading their absolute integrity." He snorted and thrust the Doctor away from him, lowering his gun as he did so. "Get out of my sight, the both of you. Go and spread the Burning through time and space and think up new and wonderful lies to tell the poor fools who love and trust you. I'm too tired to care any more."
The Doctor hesitated, rubbing his throat, then came to a decision and went to kneel beside Ianto again, ignoring the wordless sound of concern that earned him from Jack. “Ianto, I swear I’ve told you nothing but the truth,” he said quietly. He had no idea why it was so important to him that this young ephemeral should believe him, but it was. He reached out to lay a tentative hand against Ianto’s face. “Let me prove it to you.”
He’d meant it to be nothing more than a gentle brush against Ianto’s mind, allowing the empathic gift Jack had told him Ianto possessed to recognise his sincerity. He’d failed to take into account two small details. The first was that Jack had not grasped the depth and strength of Ianto’s gift. The second was that Ianto had been isolated and bereft of any kind of emotional cushion for over a year, while existing in an environment that was filled with strong emotions. His self control was as brittle as spun sugar and even the infinitesimal pressure that the Doctor exerted was enough to snap it.
Taken completely by surprise, the Doctor found himself falling into Ianto’s mind. For a split second that seemed to last for ever, their two minds intermingled in a way that was deeper and more profound than telepathy, since it took place on a far more fundamental level. There were no words or concepts, only instinct and awareness. On this level, and this level alone, you were aware of the soul, that unique energy signature that was yours and yours alone and enabled another being to pick you out from all the seething mass of life that was Creation. The Doctor was uncomfortably aware that Ianto was seeing far more of him than he had permitted most to see, but at the same time he was privy to Ianto’s innermost secrets and what he saw there, for a glittering second, explained so much about this enigmatic man.
The second passed and they were back in their respective skulls. The Doctor was aware of a wave of giddiness as he tried to catch his mental breath. He belatedly realised that Jack was beside them and was amused to see that he was fussing over an unconscious Ianto instead of hovering over the Doctor. These two really, really needed to have someone bang their stubborn heads together.
“Your concern is touching, but I’m quite all right, really,” he said sardonically.
“What?” Jack gave him a distracted look. “What did you do? He’s passed out!”
The Doctor pushed himself to his feet and groaned a little. “That’s probably the psychic shock of finding himself inside my head on top of the physical shock of his injuries. Come on, let’s get him inside the TARDIS. I want to get those nanites inside of you to get rid of the Burning and we can patch him up at the same time.”
OOOO
Ianto gradually awoke to the instinctive knowledge that he was somewhere unfamiliar. He was lying on a strange surface and the air had a scent to it that he couldn’t immediately place. He was also feeling more rested and at peace with himself than he had been for some time, and that, more than anything else, brought him awake with a rush, tension thrumming through his body as he looked around.
This had to be the TARDIS. The same organic alien architecture was evident, although the ribs of this room were a pale ivory in colour and far less pronounced. He was lying on a low bed that had a console beside it where coloured panels faded and glowed in abstract sequences. The far wall had another bank of instruments and two more beds, while a cabinet close by was filled with bottles and tins of varying sizes. If Ianto had to hazard a guess, he would have said it was an infirmary of some kind. He started to sit up, then froze when Jack walked in. Ianto’s hand automatically went to where his gun would be and was suddenly acutely aware of the fact that he was naked under the thin sheet that covered him.
“Looking for this?” Jack asked brightly, holding up his gun.
“Why am I here?” Ianto demanded hoarsely. “I’m of no use as a hostage and I have no secrets that would be of use to you, so why kidnap me?”
“Who said you were kidnapped? You needed medical attention so we brought you in here to fix you up. A simple thank you will suffice,” Jack finished sarcastically.
Ianto’s hand automatically went to his side and he glanced down, his eyes widening when his fingers touched unmarked skin. There was no sign of the raking gash that had been there a short while ago, although the skin was still a little tender to the touch. He gave Jack a bewildered look that had the other man frowning.
“We also dealt with the other two injuries that you had. Why are you looking so surprised? Did you really think I would just step over you to get into the TARDIS and leave?”
Ianto looked away. “That’s more or less what you did before,” he said quietly.
Jack looked exasperated. “Look, I didn’t expect to leave like that, okay? I thought the TARDIS would materialise, I’d introduce the Doctor to you all and then leave. Instead I got swept up and taken along for the ride before I had time to say anything.”
“And you made such an effort to come back to us, didn’t you?”
Something in Jack snapped. “Why the hell should I when you all betrayed me? I gave you a second chance after Lisa and you still turned against me. I come back again and you throw me in a cell and wait for me to die!” Something flared deep inside Ianto’s eyes and he opened his mouth to answer back. Then he visibly checked himself and looked away. Frustration drove Jack forward to grab him. “Stop doing that!”
Ianto jerked away in an attempt to break free but didn’t quite succeed. “Doing what?” he gasped.
“I push and you give. You always give way. Push back, dammit! Make me back down!”
Ianto managed a twisted smile and shook his head. “And what good would that do? Would it make you look at me and see anything more than a convenient bit on the side that you can come home to after you’ve finished your adventures? Did it ever occur to you that I might, just might, want to hold on to some small measure of pride and self-respect, Captain?” The bitterness was clear on the surface now. “You kiss me in front of the entire team and then vanish without a word and I’m left to face them, with Owen’s snipes and Tosh’s story of how you were all over the real Jack Harkness a few hours after you’d left me behind and Gwen telling us all how you were always waiting for the right kind of Doctor. Have you any idea how much of a fool I looked in their eyes? The wide-eyed innocent who believed every lie he was fed. Yes, I disobeyed you when you told me not to open the Rift, but I didn’t do it to bring Lisa back. I did it because you told me not to and since everything you’ve ever told me was a lie, that had to be a lie as well.”
“What?” Startled, Jack let go of him, staring in disbelief.
“I’ve had a long time to think about things, Captain, and with you gone, there was nothing to distract me and cloud my mind. Everything you have ever done has been motivated by self-interest. You came to Cardiff because of the Rift and the fact that the Doctor would come back to it. You joined Torchwood because if anyone knew when the Doctor returned, it would be them. You became leader of Torchwood Three because that would put you in a position to stop the Doctor from being harmed or imprisoned if he did come back to Cardiff. You hand-picked people who would never really become a proper team, so they would always need you to be the glue that kept them together and the moment you stopped keeping us together we would fly apart.”
“That isn’t-“ Jack stopped. After a moment, he laughed. “You’ve got it all worked out, haven’t you? Would it do me any good to tell you that you only have half the story and that there are parts you haven’t touched on?”
Ianto’s eyes were utterly opaque, giving no hint of his feelings. “They say a leopard cannot change its spots, Captain. I doubt that you would be able to tell the truth even if you wanted to.”
“Then it’s a waste of time for me to try, isn’t it?” Jack said with a cool smile. “I’ll leave you to recover in peace and then I’ll be on my way.”
He turned and left before he lost what little self-control he still had. He wanted to scream and rage at Ianto. He wanted to beat down that resistance and make him... Jack put a stop to that line of thought. This wasn't the first time or place where he'd worn out his welcome and it probably wouldn't be the last. He'd ask the Doctor to drop him off somewhere else and make a new life for himself there. He didn't need to stay in this time and place. It had been a mistake to come back.
He found himself walking smack into the Doctor in the corridor and dodged quickly. "Where are you off to?" he asked.
The Doctor looked a little sheepish. "Thought I'd look in on Ianto. Make sure he's all right."
Jack growled under his breath. "There's nothing wrong with him. I vote we let him go back to his self-righteous paranoia and leave for somewhere where the natives are a lot more welcoming."
"Ah, my uncanny psychic powers tell me that the two of you have quarrelled again. And you were in one another's company for an entire three minutes! Such self-control is breathtaking."
"Quit it with the sarcasm, Doc," Jack said tiredly. "We didn't quarrel. I tried to make an apology and Ianto told me to go to hell. Since he's so adamant I should leave, I thought we'd do just that."
The Doctor shook his head and gave him a look of exasperation. "I don't know which of the pair of you deserves the bigger cuff to the head, I really don't. You both care desperately for one another and are totally incapable of showing it."
"Yeah, I noticed how caring he's been," Jack said with a roll of his eyes.
"Try watching the CCTV footage of your first death, then come back and say that to me," the Doctor shot back. "Jack, he's caught you out in lie after lie. Do you wonder that he's a little leery of you doing the 'cross my heart and hope to die' spiel? You're angry, he's angry and neither of you are brave enough to take that first step. Until one of you does that, this whole nonsense will just keep going on and on."
He left Jack looking a little more uncertain than he had found him, which he always considered a good thing. When he walked into the infirmary, he found Ianto curled up on the bed. As soon as the Welshman saw him, an expression of extreme wariness crossed his face and he sat up slowly. The Doctor came over to stand beside him, doing his best to look reassuring.
"I'm not exactly sure of the etiquette for situations like this," the Doctor confessed. "I can assure you that I didn't mean for it to happen. I like my inner privacy just as much as the next being."
"What... what are you going to do?" Ianto asked, his voice as uncertain as the look in his eyes.
"About what?" the Doctor asked.
"You were inside my head. You... know." Ianto bit his lip and looked away. He gave a start when the Doctor reached out to place a friendly hand on his shoulder.
"Can you sense my emotions now?" the Doctor asked. When Ianto nodded, a little wide-eyed, the Doctor smiled. "Do I feel like a threat?"
Almost immediately he saw and felt the withdrawal. "That doesn't mean anything," Ianto said flatly, pulling away. "Jack never felt like a threat and he was the biggest threat of all. My gift isn't infallible. You're an alien. How can I know that your emotional radiation would be the same as a human's?"
"Then let me prove myself to you," the Doctor said slowly. "Travel with me."
Ianto blinked. "What?"
The Doctor smiled wickedly, pleased to see that he had completely thrown the other man. "Travel with me. Become my Companion. They say that actions speak louder than words, so let my actions speak for me. Let me show you horizons vaster and more wonderful than any you've ever seen."
"And what about Jack?" Ianto asked warily.
"What about him? He wants me to take him somewhere where he can make a fresh start, and hopefully not make such a mess of that one as he has this one. After that, we can go wherever you like."
Ianto stared at him for a long moment before he shook his head. "No."
"No?" The Doctor's eyebrows shot up. "Not many people refuse when I offer them the universe, Ianto."
"Maybe that's because most of the people you offer the universe to don't have other responsibilities, Doctor. I swore an oath. Unlike some people I can mention, I keep my promises."
"You swore that oath a long time ago, Ianto," the Doctor pointed out, "and you've served Earth well. Surely you're entitled to a life of your own some time?" He could tell that Ianto was tempted by the way he hesitated and pressed a little further. "The smallest of moments will pass here, Ianto, no matter how long you travel with me. Lay down the sword for a short time and take up the harp. Even the most valiant of knights rest from their quests."
"This... this is just another lie," Ianto said desperately, shaking his head. "You and Jack, you can't stop lying, even when there's no profit in it for you."
"You know that's not true, Ianto," the Doctor chided. "You've seen inside of me; you know I haven't lied to you at all. Of all the beings in the universe, you have the least reason to distrust me. And I... I know who and what you are, Ianto Jones, and I am very happy to meet you." He caught the frightened look that Ianto gave him and smiled reassuringly. "Don't worry; your secrets are safe with me."
"Secrets?" Jack asked sharply from the doorway. "Are you saying that the sainted Mr Jones isn't as pure and honest as he makes out to be?"
The Doctor snorted. "Ianto has never lied to you, Jack. Not once. Did you do as I suggested?"
Jack glowered at him suspiciously for a moment, then realised he wasn't going to learn anything that way and gave up. He nodded, giving Ianto a sober look as he came into the room and walked right up to him. Before Ianto realised what he was going to do, Jack reached out to pull him in an embrace and kissed him. Shock held Ianto obedient for several seconds before he shoved Jack away from him.
"What was that for?" he demanded, desperately trying to keep his voice level and failing miserably.
"The Doctor was wrong about one thing. You have lied to me. You lied when you said you didn't care about me any more. You still care. You'll never stop caring. I'm under your skin, inside your defences and no matter how hard you try and keep me at a distance, I'm right next to your heart every time you breathe. And you know how I know that? Because every time your heart beats, I take another breath. Because every time you say my name, it's my name, no matter where and how I got it. Because every time I turn to walk away, there's a cord that tightens around my heart with every step away that I take and the further away I get, the more it hurts."
He paused to take a breath, seeing the startled look on Ianto's face and realising that he just might be able to pull this off. This was one of the most important battles in his life and he couldn't afford to lose it. The sight of Ianto's iron self-control breaking over his first death had been a revelation.
"You want to know why I didn't tell you my real name? It's because I don't want to be that man any more. I never want to be that man again. That man led his best friend to a grisly death. That man was a moron who thought the end justified the means. That man was a torturer, a thug and a willing tool for a self-serving organisation who treated people like things and brought down entire civilisations to suit their own purposes. Sometimes he surfaces inside me and I remember how much I hate him. He has his uses, but I don't ever want him to see the full light of day. So I took away his name and found another. A blank slate that I could use to rewrite my life. Except I met the man whose name I stole, and he was everything I ever wanted to be. Kind, brave, thoughtful, heroic. He was the real deal; a hero like you read about in books, a man you ache to find to fall in love with. I'd stolen his name and I wasn't fit to clean his shoes. And then I found out that he was just as trapped in his lie as I was in mine. He had needs and desires that his time condemned while I had secrets and a history that I couldn't tell anyone because I was too afraid of losing them. Of losing you."
"Tosh said-"
"Tosh was on the outside looking in, Ianto. She thought she saw me falling in love with the real Jack Harkness. I wasn't; at least, not in the sense that she and you assume. I did love him. You would have, as well. Everyone who ever knew the man was a little in love with him. Every now and then, Humanity throws up a gem that blazes brighter than all the rest. The real Jack was like that. He was doomed from the day he was born. Nature abhors perfection, which is why life is the messy chaos that it is."
He paused and went back to rest his hands on Ianto's shoulders and felt a cautious flicker of hope when he wasn't shrugged off. "Use your gift now, Ianto, because I want you to know that this is the truth. I was drawn to the real Jack Harkness like a moth to a flame because he was everything I wanted to be and wasn't, and I knew that I would leave and go on to live my sham of a life while he would die the following day, saving the lives of the men who worshipped him. Where was the justice in that? I gave him what he wanted, what he desperately needed, because it was the only thing I could offer. I thought I was trapped back in the past for ever. I thought I would never see you again. I thought I would never have the chance to tell you the truth instead of all the lies and let you choose if you still wanted to have anything to do with me. I had one chance to do something truly selfless for once in my long and useless life and I took it. And then we came back and Tosh sent that IM and you wouldn't give me the time of day and all Hell literally broke loose."
He stopped and leaned forward to rest his forehead against Ianto's. "All those things you said about me were true, Ianto, but the funny thing is that I didn't plan any of it. I was making things up as I went along and the more I did that the harder it was to remember what the truth was. I swear, if any alien had read my mind, they would have believed I was called Captain Jack Harkness because I believed it. I wanted to believe it. I wanted to be the fearless hero who knew everything. But you know what? I still screwed up. I still hurt people I wanted to protect. So I started to keep people at a distance so it wouldn't hurt so much and I got so good at that I sort of stopped feeling pretty much of anything.. And the lies got to be a game, a huge charade I was playing on everyone else and it never mattered at all until you came along and then it mattered a lot and it was already too late."
"You could have said something," Ianto sighed. "I would have been more inclined to listen if you had told me, rather than my having to find it out myself."
"I didn't want to risk it," Jack admitted. "I'd been lying for so long that it had become second-nature."
"That much I can believe," Ianto said. Jack gave him a stricken look as Ianto grasped his hands and lifted them away from his shoulders. "Jack, your lies are true works of art. They hang together so beautifully and are so well crafted that after a while you begin to believe them and you radiate assurance when you tell them. How can I be sure that my gift would recognise the truth if you actually spoke it? Have I ever heard you speak the truth?"
"Yes," Jack said desperately, "you have." He stole another kiss before Ianto could move away. "I love you. You heard the truth when I told you that I love you but I can't love you the way a normal 21st century Earth human would love you. I grew up in a society where sex and love are two completely different things. Sometimes they come together, sometimes they don't. I travelled in time and space and saw every variation on the theme of love and sex that you could imagine, and some that you couldn't. I couldn't begin to count the number of times I have had sex, Ianto, but I can tell you the number of times I have been in love. I've lived for over three hundred years and I've been in love seven times. It's a rare and precious thing to have happen, and I value it more than you can possibly imagine."
He stopped to pull in another, deeper breath and turned to face the Doctor. "That's why I'm staying here. I'm not walking away this time. This time I'm staying and I'm fighting for what I want. If it takes me the rest of your life, Ianto, I am going to prove to you that I'm telling the truth when I tell you that I love you."
"Er, I should possibly tell you at this point that I've offered to take Ianto with me in the TARDIS," the Doctor said casually.
"What?" Jack gave Ianto a horrified look before his shoulders slumped. "Oh, I see." He managed to find a smile from somewhere. "Well, you couldn't have chosen a better person to have as a Companion, Doc. You'll love it out there, Ianto, and I'll keep an eye on Torchwood while you're away. Maybe you'll come back after a while?" he finished hopefully. "I really would like the chance to make amends."
Ianto gave the Doctor a speaking look. "Are you always this much of a mischief-maker?" he asked.
The Doctor considered the question for a moment, then nodded, grinning. "Pretty much, yeah."
Ianto sighed. "I'd already turned him down, Jack. I'm staying. I have responsibilities I can't just walk away from, no matter how tempting the offer made."
"Tell you what; why don't I go off and let you watch over Earth's rebirth and I'll come back in about, oh, let's say fifty years and make you the same offer? How about it? I think you'll deserve a holiday by then."
"For God's sake, Doc, Ianto'll be 75 years old then!" Jack protested. "Can't you come back in maybe five years?"
Ianto had been gazing at the Doctor, who looked back with that faint smile on his face. He gave Ianto a reassuring nod. Inside Ianto a battle raged, as hope had it out with paranoia. He so desperately wanted to believe Jack. He had never known a connection quite like the one he had shared with the mercurial Captain, which was partly why he had felt so devastated when he had thought himself to be abandoned. He had loved Lisa, and her loss still made him ache deep inside himself, but he had a nasty feeling that their relationship would only have lasted a handful of years, and only the fact that his empathic gift had run wild during the Cyberman invasion had made his love become an obsession. What he felt for Jack had crept up on him slowly and by the time he had become aware of it he was in too deep to even consider getting free.
Trust.... He had made such an issue out of it, but he had kept his own secrets, even though he had told no lies. Maybe it was time to take a chance. "No, I won't," he said and saw the Doctor's smile widen.
"What?" Jack said, giving him a confused look.
"I won't be seventy five in fifty years time," Ianto elaborated. He smiled faintly when he saw the look of confusion on Jack's face. "I'm a little older than I look, Jack."
"You are?" Confusion was gradually replaced by suspicion. "How much older?"
Ianto shrugged. "If you guess right, I'll tell you." He hesitated, feeling suddenly vulnerable. "Maybe we could wipe the slate clean and start again?" he suggested diffidently. "Just be Ianto Jones and Captain Jack Harkness and get to know one another from scratch?"
Very gradually, Jack started to smile. "I think I'd like that," he said. "I think I'd like that a lot." He stepped forward to slide his arms around Ianto's waist. "Pleased to meet you, Ianto Jones," he said before he kissed him very, very gently. Ianto leaned into the kiss, accepting it and returning it avidly. After a moment, Jack pulled back and gave him a severe look. "You've been starving yourself, love. I can feel it."
Ianto blushed and ducked his head. "No-one interested me. You're a hard act to follow, Captain."
Jack grinned and nuzzled the side of his neck. "Now how would you know that, seeing as how we've just met, hmm?"
Ianto smirked at him. "Oh, I have an instinct for these things, sir."
Jack shivered. "Love it when you call me sir," he whispered before reclaiming Ianto's mouth for another kiss.
The Doctor sighed and rolled his eyes. Then sighed again. After a moment, he raised his eyebrows. He wandered out through the door and came back clutching a box of popcorn he had unearthed from somewhere. Hopping up on one of the beds, he settled down to watch the floorshow, suppressing the urge to applaud at certain athletic intervals. He really did like a happy ending.
OOOO
"Remember you promised to come back in fifty years time and take us on a trip," Jack reminded the Doctor for about the twentieth time.
The Doctor rolled his eyes and grinned as Ianto gave him a sympathetic look. "Puh-lease! I'm going to call back well before then to make sure you two aren't at one another's throats again. Besides, I have to come back in six years time."
"Why?" Jack demanded.
"Can't tell you," the Doctor said with an impish grin. "It would spoil the surprise!" He laughed at the rude name that Jack called him and winked at Ianto. "Good luck with rebuilding the planet."
"The nanites are working, Doctor. There hasn't been a new case of the Burning in a month," Ianto said in satisfaction. "It will take us a long time, but we will rebuild."
A shadow passed over Jack's face. "When I said that the 21st century was when it all changed, I didn't realise that it meant that the Human race would practically become extinct."
The Doctor gave him consoling pat on the arm. "Believe it or not, this works out for the best. With the population so vastly reduced, the world gets a chance to recover from global warming. With so few people, the survivors can relocate from the areas of the world affected by global warming without wars over water and territory breaking out. Old borders will become meaningless and a lot of old quarrels forgotten. There's enough of the technological framework surviving for the new societies to communicate and trade with without getting too close to one another until they've all stabilised. What comes out of this is a better, saner world. Of course, knowing Humans, this won't last for more than a couple of centuries, but for now you're going to have another little Golden Age. Enjoy it while you can."
"Keep safe, Doctor," Ianto said warmly as he reached out to hug the startled Time Lord.
After a moment, the Doctor relaxed into the embrace, savouring the sensation. "Trust him. Trust me. We may be fallible, but we do care," he whispered.
"I know," Ianto said with a smile. "I just have to unlearn old habits."
"It'll be worth it, I promise you." The Doctor pulled away reluctantly, only to get dragged into another embrace with Jack. After a moment, he squawked indignantly and shoved Jack away. "Really, Captain!"
Jack just grinned cheekily. After a moment of indignant huffing, the Doctor grinned back and went back into the TARDIS. The familiar moaning song started up and she gradually vanished from sight. There was a moment of silence before Jack sighed and turned away.
"Coffee, Captain?" Ianto offered, sensing that Jack needed a distraction.
Jack gave him a grateful smile. "Any time, although I suppose we'd better start considering setting up new trading links if we're going to get more coffee before the stockpiles run out. Think we'll have to go back to sailing ships?"
Ianto laughed. "You just fancy yourself on the deck of a schooner, don't you?" he teased as he made for the kitchen.
"Arrr," Jack agreed with enthusiasm. He bounded after Ianto. "Prepare to be boarded, matey!"
OOOO
Much later, Jack lay alongside Ianto and watched him sleep. The future was spreading out in front of him, full of uncertainties, but at least it was a future that contained Ianto Jones and for that he was profoundly grateful. It was also a future that contained mysteries. It seemed that Ianto was much more than the extraordinary human that Jack had taken him to be. Quite what he was, Jack had yet to discover, since Ianto had told him frankly that he would prefer it if they discovered one another's secrets gradually. Whatever Ianto's secret was, it was one that made him very wary.
Jack lowered his head to kiss Ianto on the shoulder. He'd nearly lost this. He could still blow it if he fell back on old habits. Ianto stirred in his sleep and turned over to snuggle up to Jack, a small sigh of contentment coming from him as he settled again. Jack reached out a trembling hand and very gently stroked Ianto's face. He wasn't going to ruin this, he vowed silently. Just this once he was going to get something right. And from what Ianto had told him, he was going to have quite a bit of time to practice in.
"A little older than you look," he murmured as he continued to stroke the perfect body beside him. "How much older I wonder?"
"Old enough to know the value of an uninterrupted night's sleep," Ianto said in sleepy exasperation. He opened one eye to glare at Jack. "Do you ever sleep?"
Jack laughed. "I sleep right after I come back from the dead and after great sex, but apart from that-oof!" he said as Ianto tipped him over onto his back and straddled him, grinning wickedly.
"So the only chance I have of a decent night's sleep is to either murder you or fuck you senseless?" he asked innocently.
Jack grinned. "Either ought to do it, but I'd prefer the latter, if you don't mind," he agreed happily, eagerly reaching up to Ianto as the Welshman bent forward to kiss him.
Sometimes living in the slow lane was a pretty good place to be.
OOOO
Characters: Ianto, Jack, Ten, Gwen
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Not mine, they belong to the BBC and RTD
Spoilers: General, for series 1
Summary: Jack's back, but Ianto's not pleased to see him.
Ianto dragged himself out of the SUV and leaned against it for a long moment while he waited for his spinning head to clear. It figured. He'd coped on his own for over seven months. Jack and the Doctor made an appearance and he wound up dealing with a pack of Weevils, some kind of armoured reptile with razor-sharp teeth and claws and - joy of joys - an extremely pissed off crab-like creature that was about the same size as the SUV. Fortunately for Ianto, the latter being had proved vulnerable to a well-placed thermite charge, although it had done its best to throw him through a wall before he'd got the charge attached to it. The armoured reptile had been smaller, faster and a hell of a lot more vicious. Ianto reached down to his side to check on the hasty patch job he'd slapped on the raking slash it had landed on him and grimaced when his hand came away wet with blood.
"Just what I need to make a lousy couple of days complete," he sighed.
He knew he should check on Jack and the Doctor but he also knew he had to conceal any kind of injury first. Showing Jack any kind of weakness was tantamount to tactical suicide. First stop would be the medical bay, although he'd check on the CCTV on the way. It took him a while to get to the main Hub and he was gasping for breath against the waves of burning pain in his side by the time he got there. He was so distracted that it took nearly a minute for him to realise that he was staring at a freed Jack, who was staring back at him with an expression of horrified disbelief on his face.
"What the hell did you run into?" he demanded.
Ianto was still trying to get his head around the idea that Jack had got free. "How-" he started to say, then broke off when Gwen stepped into view and gave him a disapproving look.
"I can't believe you'd be petty enough to lock Jack up, Ianto," she said before turning to give Jack a smug grin. "Lucky I was around."
For a moment, Ianto was overwhelmed by a wave of pure, homicidal fury. "You stupid-" He choked off the rest of what he had meant to say, belatedly aware that he had automatically drawn his handgun. He also realised that there was one very significant individual missing. "Where's the Doctor?" he demanded in rising panic.
"He's inside the TARDIS," Jack admitted. He raised his hands in a placating gesture when he saw the way Ianto's eyes widened in shock. "It's not what you think, so calm down, okay? The Doctor's just searching the TARDIS data banks to see if he can find some reference to this plague of yours."
Ianto hesitated, torn between paranoia and the almost instinctive need to believe Jack. In that moment, there was a deep thump from inside the TARDIS, followed by a steadily increasing roaring groan. Jack spun around to stare at the TARDIS in disbelief as it shimmered and started to fade away. With a howl of betrayal, Ianto brought the gun to bear on Jack, even though he knew the gesture to be a futile one. Still trying to understand what the Doctor was doing, Jack was slow to react. Seeing the gun aimed at Jack, Gwen stepped between the two men, spreading her arms out to shield Jack.
"Be reasonable, Ianto. What can you expect when you lock people up for no reason?"
Jack choked back the urge to scream at her to get out of the way. For one horrible moment he truly believed that Ianto would put a bullet in her. The expression on his face certainly indicated that he wanted to and judging from the way she tensed, Gwen belatedly realised it as well. To Jack's (and undoubtedly Gwen's) intense relief, the moment passed and Ianto let his gun hand drop as he leaned against the wall beside him.
"You have no idea what you've done, do you?" he asked Gwen tiredly. "Some other world is going to Burn like ours when the Doctor reaches it, and all because it didn't occur to you that I might have a reason to lock them up?"
"I... don't understand," Gwen said, turning to give Jack an uncertain look.
Ianto said something savage in Welsh and started to laugh; a wild, high sound that raised every hackle Jack possessed. He grabbed Gwen, did his best to smile reassuringly, and then shoved her firmly in the direction of the Hub's exit.
"I think you'd better go, Gwen. I'll talk to you later."
It was a measure of how disconcerting - or even how flat-out terrifying - an out of control and hysterically laughing Ianto was, that Gwen didn't argue and left. Jack forgot her immediately, switching his attention back to Ianto, who had slid down the wall to settle on the floor. He was gasping for breath and pressing a hand against his side. He focused a little glassily on Jack as he approached him.
"Weird, isn't it?" he said breathlessly. "I manage fine for over a year. Then you turn up and everything goes to hell in nothing flat. Now that bastard alien's on the loose, spreading the Burning all across time and space." He tried to push Jack's hands away as the Captain tried to see how badly he was injured. "Leave it," he growled. "I failed in my duty. I'm too tired to go on."
"Don't talk like that," Jack snapped. "Look, I know you don't have any reason to trust the Doctor, but I do. He said he'd help and he will."
Ianto tried to laugh and failed miserably. "One liar defending another. That makes me feel so much more secure. The only mystery is why you're still here, but there's probably some profit in it for you that I can't see yet."
Jack paused and gave him a troubled look. "You used to have more faith in me."
"I used to be a stupid child who still wanted to believe in something," Ianto said quietly, his eyes closing. "I believed your lies because they were beautiful and made me think I had finally found someone I could trust. I believed you when you said you needed me. I believed you when you said that I meant something to you. Then I found out from Tosh that you nearly stayed behind in the past for the sake of a man you'd known for a few hours. I also found out that I didn't even know your name. Everything was a lie, and I'm tired of living on lies."
"Ianto-"
"No more lies, Jack," Ianto said, shaking his head. "Everything you are, everything you ever said to me, was a lie. I served whatever purpose you needed and then I was disposable. I've come to accept that, but don't think that means I'm willing to be used again. Just take whatever it was you came back for and go."
"I can't do that," Jack said, gazing at him sadly. "What I came back for isn't here any more." He got his first good look at the injury to Ianto's side and sucked in a breath. "Stay here. I need to get some supplies."
He hurried to the medical bay and gathered the equipment he needed, but inwardly he was feeling more than a little bruised himself. Ianto's words had hit a little too close to home. He was right when he said that everything he knew about Jack was either a lie, an illusion or a piece of misdirection. He couldn't have been more wrong when he dismissed everything that Jack had said to him was a lie. The problem, of course, was going to be in persuading the younger man that there had been a lot of truth mixed in with the lies.
He was collecting the last of his supplies when a familiar sound split the air. Jack turned and leapt up the steps to the main Hub in time to see the TARDIS re-materialise. He was also in time to see Ianto finish dragging himself over to where Jack had put his gun. He'd grabbed hold of it and turned back to face the TARDIS as the door rattled and started to open.
"Ianto, no!" Jack yelled helplessly as he lunged forward, already knowing that he was going to be too late.
A white hanky tied to the end of a walking stick was thrust out of the door and waved energetically. Jack blinked in disbelief, then his lips twitched despite himself. Ianto simply stared.
"Ianto?" came the Doctor's voice. "I'd appreciate a chance to explain before you put a bullet in me."
After a moment, Ianto nodded and lowered the gun. "Fine. Come and tell me your lies."
The white flag disappeared, to be replaced by the worried-looking Doctor. "That wasn't exactly encouraging," he observed as he came towards Ianto.
"It wasn't meant to be," Ianto said coldly.
"Would you look upon me a little more kindly if I were to tell you that I've found the counter-agent to the Burning?" the Doctor asked hopefully.
Jack sucked in a breath as he felt a stab of hope but Ianto's face remained as flint-hard as before. "And I suppose you just left to go to the nearest off-world chemist to pick up a prescription?" he asked in a bright, brittle voice.
The Doctor winced and gave a lopsided smile. "Ouch. If you're like this when you're under par, I'd hate to be your target when you're on top form! No, I left to go to Cardiff hospital and then on to Edinburgh. I needed experts to confirm that the disease I thought was the Burning was the Burning. It turned out that it was and I left the doctors happily rubbing their hands together while watching the nanites that contain the solution replicate themselves in readiness to be released." He settled down beside Ianto and started to check his wounds, tutting under his breath as he did so.
"And then you came back here in order to give us the happy news," Ianto said slowly.
The Doctor paused in his examination and looked faintly confused. "I thought you'd be pleased," he ventured.
Ianto sighed. "We found a cure, Doctor. It worked in the lab, but when we used it in the real world, the Burning mutated and then was worse than ever." He reached out to grab the Doctor by the throat and the gun was pressed against the Time Lord's temple before Jack could do anything. "Any doctor would have told you that, if you had gone to them the way you said. This is another lie."
"No!" the Doctor yelped. "It's not a lie, Ianto. They did talk about the failed cure, but the nanites are different. They don't attack the Burning; they consume it. They spread out and every time they encounter the Burning they eat it. There's no opportunity for the Burning to mutate. It just stops." There was a long pause. "Um, could you let go of my throat now?" he asked nervously.
Ianto smiled mirthlessly. "And having single-handedly saved the world, you hurried back here so we could congratulate you?"
"Well, to tell the truth, I came back because I realised I had been in such a hurry I hadn't inoculated Jack with the nanites and I'd prefer not to have to watch him killing himself in a casual fashion yet again. It's very unsettling to watch. You know, I really would prefer it if you were to let go of my throat."
"So you need to take Jack into the TARDIS to make him better?" Ianto smiled coldly and pulled the Doctor closer. "How stupid do you think I am? You'd get him in there and the pair of you would be off and leave the Earth to turn to ash."
The Doctor coughed and wheezed a little. "Not stupid but very, very focused at the moment. Maybe a little too focused. Look, I know how it looks, but if it makes you feel any better, I can bring the nanites out to Jack if you prefer."
"Ianto, he's not trying to trick you," Jack said desperately. "I know it doesn't mean much to you, but I swear on everything I care about that we're not trying to trick you."
"You're right; it doesn't mean much," Ianto retorted. "The Lord of Lies and his Heir Apparent, both so earnestly pleading their absolute integrity." He snorted and thrust the Doctor away from him, lowering his gun as he did so. "Get out of my sight, the both of you. Go and spread the Burning through time and space and think up new and wonderful lies to tell the poor fools who love and trust you. I'm too tired to care any more."
The Doctor hesitated, rubbing his throat, then came to a decision and went to kneel beside Ianto again, ignoring the wordless sound of concern that earned him from Jack. “Ianto, I swear I’ve told you nothing but the truth,” he said quietly. He had no idea why it was so important to him that this young ephemeral should believe him, but it was. He reached out to lay a tentative hand against Ianto’s face. “Let me prove it to you.”
He’d meant it to be nothing more than a gentle brush against Ianto’s mind, allowing the empathic gift Jack had told him Ianto possessed to recognise his sincerity. He’d failed to take into account two small details. The first was that Jack had not grasped the depth and strength of Ianto’s gift. The second was that Ianto had been isolated and bereft of any kind of emotional cushion for over a year, while existing in an environment that was filled with strong emotions. His self control was as brittle as spun sugar and even the infinitesimal pressure that the Doctor exerted was enough to snap it.
Taken completely by surprise, the Doctor found himself falling into Ianto’s mind. For a split second that seemed to last for ever, their two minds intermingled in a way that was deeper and more profound than telepathy, since it took place on a far more fundamental level. There were no words or concepts, only instinct and awareness. On this level, and this level alone, you were aware of the soul, that unique energy signature that was yours and yours alone and enabled another being to pick you out from all the seething mass of life that was Creation. The Doctor was uncomfortably aware that Ianto was seeing far more of him than he had permitted most to see, but at the same time he was privy to Ianto’s innermost secrets and what he saw there, for a glittering second, explained so much about this enigmatic man.
The second passed and they were back in their respective skulls. The Doctor was aware of a wave of giddiness as he tried to catch his mental breath. He belatedly realised that Jack was beside them and was amused to see that he was fussing over an unconscious Ianto instead of hovering over the Doctor. These two really, really needed to have someone bang their stubborn heads together.
“Your concern is touching, but I’m quite all right, really,” he said sardonically.
“What?” Jack gave him a distracted look. “What did you do? He’s passed out!”
The Doctor pushed himself to his feet and groaned a little. “That’s probably the psychic shock of finding himself inside my head on top of the physical shock of his injuries. Come on, let’s get him inside the TARDIS. I want to get those nanites inside of you to get rid of the Burning and we can patch him up at the same time.”
OOOO
Ianto gradually awoke to the instinctive knowledge that he was somewhere unfamiliar. He was lying on a strange surface and the air had a scent to it that he couldn’t immediately place. He was also feeling more rested and at peace with himself than he had been for some time, and that, more than anything else, brought him awake with a rush, tension thrumming through his body as he looked around.
This had to be the TARDIS. The same organic alien architecture was evident, although the ribs of this room were a pale ivory in colour and far less pronounced. He was lying on a low bed that had a console beside it where coloured panels faded and glowed in abstract sequences. The far wall had another bank of instruments and two more beds, while a cabinet close by was filled with bottles and tins of varying sizes. If Ianto had to hazard a guess, he would have said it was an infirmary of some kind. He started to sit up, then froze when Jack walked in. Ianto’s hand automatically went to where his gun would be and was suddenly acutely aware of the fact that he was naked under the thin sheet that covered him.
“Looking for this?” Jack asked brightly, holding up his gun.
“Why am I here?” Ianto demanded hoarsely. “I’m of no use as a hostage and I have no secrets that would be of use to you, so why kidnap me?”
“Who said you were kidnapped? You needed medical attention so we brought you in here to fix you up. A simple thank you will suffice,” Jack finished sarcastically.
Ianto’s hand automatically went to his side and he glanced down, his eyes widening when his fingers touched unmarked skin. There was no sign of the raking gash that had been there a short while ago, although the skin was still a little tender to the touch. He gave Jack a bewildered look that had the other man frowning.
“We also dealt with the other two injuries that you had. Why are you looking so surprised? Did you really think I would just step over you to get into the TARDIS and leave?”
Ianto looked away. “That’s more or less what you did before,” he said quietly.
Jack looked exasperated. “Look, I didn’t expect to leave like that, okay? I thought the TARDIS would materialise, I’d introduce the Doctor to you all and then leave. Instead I got swept up and taken along for the ride before I had time to say anything.”
“And you made such an effort to come back to us, didn’t you?”
Something in Jack snapped. “Why the hell should I when you all betrayed me? I gave you a second chance after Lisa and you still turned against me. I come back again and you throw me in a cell and wait for me to die!” Something flared deep inside Ianto’s eyes and he opened his mouth to answer back. Then he visibly checked himself and looked away. Frustration drove Jack forward to grab him. “Stop doing that!”
Ianto jerked away in an attempt to break free but didn’t quite succeed. “Doing what?” he gasped.
“I push and you give. You always give way. Push back, dammit! Make me back down!”
Ianto managed a twisted smile and shook his head. “And what good would that do? Would it make you look at me and see anything more than a convenient bit on the side that you can come home to after you’ve finished your adventures? Did it ever occur to you that I might, just might, want to hold on to some small measure of pride and self-respect, Captain?” The bitterness was clear on the surface now. “You kiss me in front of the entire team and then vanish without a word and I’m left to face them, with Owen’s snipes and Tosh’s story of how you were all over the real Jack Harkness a few hours after you’d left me behind and Gwen telling us all how you were always waiting for the right kind of Doctor. Have you any idea how much of a fool I looked in their eyes? The wide-eyed innocent who believed every lie he was fed. Yes, I disobeyed you when you told me not to open the Rift, but I didn’t do it to bring Lisa back. I did it because you told me not to and since everything you’ve ever told me was a lie, that had to be a lie as well.”
“What?” Startled, Jack let go of him, staring in disbelief.
“I’ve had a long time to think about things, Captain, and with you gone, there was nothing to distract me and cloud my mind. Everything you have ever done has been motivated by self-interest. You came to Cardiff because of the Rift and the fact that the Doctor would come back to it. You joined Torchwood because if anyone knew when the Doctor returned, it would be them. You became leader of Torchwood Three because that would put you in a position to stop the Doctor from being harmed or imprisoned if he did come back to Cardiff. You hand-picked people who would never really become a proper team, so they would always need you to be the glue that kept them together and the moment you stopped keeping us together we would fly apart.”
“That isn’t-“ Jack stopped. After a moment, he laughed. “You’ve got it all worked out, haven’t you? Would it do me any good to tell you that you only have half the story and that there are parts you haven’t touched on?”
Ianto’s eyes were utterly opaque, giving no hint of his feelings. “They say a leopard cannot change its spots, Captain. I doubt that you would be able to tell the truth even if you wanted to.”
“Then it’s a waste of time for me to try, isn’t it?” Jack said with a cool smile. “I’ll leave you to recover in peace and then I’ll be on my way.”
He turned and left before he lost what little self-control he still had. He wanted to scream and rage at Ianto. He wanted to beat down that resistance and make him... Jack put a stop to that line of thought. This wasn't the first time or place where he'd worn out his welcome and it probably wouldn't be the last. He'd ask the Doctor to drop him off somewhere else and make a new life for himself there. He didn't need to stay in this time and place. It had been a mistake to come back.
He found himself walking smack into the Doctor in the corridor and dodged quickly. "Where are you off to?" he asked.
The Doctor looked a little sheepish. "Thought I'd look in on Ianto. Make sure he's all right."
Jack growled under his breath. "There's nothing wrong with him. I vote we let him go back to his self-righteous paranoia and leave for somewhere where the natives are a lot more welcoming."
"Ah, my uncanny psychic powers tell me that the two of you have quarrelled again. And you were in one another's company for an entire three minutes! Such self-control is breathtaking."
"Quit it with the sarcasm, Doc," Jack said tiredly. "We didn't quarrel. I tried to make an apology and Ianto told me to go to hell. Since he's so adamant I should leave, I thought we'd do just that."
The Doctor shook his head and gave him a look of exasperation. "I don't know which of the pair of you deserves the bigger cuff to the head, I really don't. You both care desperately for one another and are totally incapable of showing it."
"Yeah, I noticed how caring he's been," Jack said with a roll of his eyes.
"Try watching the CCTV footage of your first death, then come back and say that to me," the Doctor shot back. "Jack, he's caught you out in lie after lie. Do you wonder that he's a little leery of you doing the 'cross my heart and hope to die' spiel? You're angry, he's angry and neither of you are brave enough to take that first step. Until one of you does that, this whole nonsense will just keep going on and on."
He left Jack looking a little more uncertain than he had found him, which he always considered a good thing. When he walked into the infirmary, he found Ianto curled up on the bed. As soon as the Welshman saw him, an expression of extreme wariness crossed his face and he sat up slowly. The Doctor came over to stand beside him, doing his best to look reassuring.
"I'm not exactly sure of the etiquette for situations like this," the Doctor confessed. "I can assure you that I didn't mean for it to happen. I like my inner privacy just as much as the next being."
"What... what are you going to do?" Ianto asked, his voice as uncertain as the look in his eyes.
"About what?" the Doctor asked.
"You were inside my head. You... know." Ianto bit his lip and looked away. He gave a start when the Doctor reached out to place a friendly hand on his shoulder.
"Can you sense my emotions now?" the Doctor asked. When Ianto nodded, a little wide-eyed, the Doctor smiled. "Do I feel like a threat?"
Almost immediately he saw and felt the withdrawal. "That doesn't mean anything," Ianto said flatly, pulling away. "Jack never felt like a threat and he was the biggest threat of all. My gift isn't infallible. You're an alien. How can I know that your emotional radiation would be the same as a human's?"
"Then let me prove myself to you," the Doctor said slowly. "Travel with me."
Ianto blinked. "What?"
The Doctor smiled wickedly, pleased to see that he had completely thrown the other man. "Travel with me. Become my Companion. They say that actions speak louder than words, so let my actions speak for me. Let me show you horizons vaster and more wonderful than any you've ever seen."
"And what about Jack?" Ianto asked warily.
"What about him? He wants me to take him somewhere where he can make a fresh start, and hopefully not make such a mess of that one as he has this one. After that, we can go wherever you like."
Ianto stared at him for a long moment before he shook his head. "No."
"No?" The Doctor's eyebrows shot up. "Not many people refuse when I offer them the universe, Ianto."
"Maybe that's because most of the people you offer the universe to don't have other responsibilities, Doctor. I swore an oath. Unlike some people I can mention, I keep my promises."
"You swore that oath a long time ago, Ianto," the Doctor pointed out, "and you've served Earth well. Surely you're entitled to a life of your own some time?" He could tell that Ianto was tempted by the way he hesitated and pressed a little further. "The smallest of moments will pass here, Ianto, no matter how long you travel with me. Lay down the sword for a short time and take up the harp. Even the most valiant of knights rest from their quests."
"This... this is just another lie," Ianto said desperately, shaking his head. "You and Jack, you can't stop lying, even when there's no profit in it for you."
"You know that's not true, Ianto," the Doctor chided. "You've seen inside of me; you know I haven't lied to you at all. Of all the beings in the universe, you have the least reason to distrust me. And I... I know who and what you are, Ianto Jones, and I am very happy to meet you." He caught the frightened look that Ianto gave him and smiled reassuringly. "Don't worry; your secrets are safe with me."
"Secrets?" Jack asked sharply from the doorway. "Are you saying that the sainted Mr Jones isn't as pure and honest as he makes out to be?"
The Doctor snorted. "Ianto has never lied to you, Jack. Not once. Did you do as I suggested?"
Jack glowered at him suspiciously for a moment, then realised he wasn't going to learn anything that way and gave up. He nodded, giving Ianto a sober look as he came into the room and walked right up to him. Before Ianto realised what he was going to do, Jack reached out to pull him in an embrace and kissed him. Shock held Ianto obedient for several seconds before he shoved Jack away from him.
"What was that for?" he demanded, desperately trying to keep his voice level and failing miserably.
"The Doctor was wrong about one thing. You have lied to me. You lied when you said you didn't care about me any more. You still care. You'll never stop caring. I'm under your skin, inside your defences and no matter how hard you try and keep me at a distance, I'm right next to your heart every time you breathe. And you know how I know that? Because every time your heart beats, I take another breath. Because every time you say my name, it's my name, no matter where and how I got it. Because every time I turn to walk away, there's a cord that tightens around my heart with every step away that I take and the further away I get, the more it hurts."
He paused to take a breath, seeing the startled look on Ianto's face and realising that he just might be able to pull this off. This was one of the most important battles in his life and he couldn't afford to lose it. The sight of Ianto's iron self-control breaking over his first death had been a revelation.
"You want to know why I didn't tell you my real name? It's because I don't want to be that man any more. I never want to be that man again. That man led his best friend to a grisly death. That man was a moron who thought the end justified the means. That man was a torturer, a thug and a willing tool for a self-serving organisation who treated people like things and brought down entire civilisations to suit their own purposes. Sometimes he surfaces inside me and I remember how much I hate him. He has his uses, but I don't ever want him to see the full light of day. So I took away his name and found another. A blank slate that I could use to rewrite my life. Except I met the man whose name I stole, and he was everything I ever wanted to be. Kind, brave, thoughtful, heroic. He was the real deal; a hero like you read about in books, a man you ache to find to fall in love with. I'd stolen his name and I wasn't fit to clean his shoes. And then I found out that he was just as trapped in his lie as I was in mine. He had needs and desires that his time condemned while I had secrets and a history that I couldn't tell anyone because I was too afraid of losing them. Of losing you."
"Tosh said-"
"Tosh was on the outside looking in, Ianto. She thought she saw me falling in love with the real Jack Harkness. I wasn't; at least, not in the sense that she and you assume. I did love him. You would have, as well. Everyone who ever knew the man was a little in love with him. Every now and then, Humanity throws up a gem that blazes brighter than all the rest. The real Jack was like that. He was doomed from the day he was born. Nature abhors perfection, which is why life is the messy chaos that it is."
He paused and went back to rest his hands on Ianto's shoulders and felt a cautious flicker of hope when he wasn't shrugged off. "Use your gift now, Ianto, because I want you to know that this is the truth. I was drawn to the real Jack Harkness like a moth to a flame because he was everything I wanted to be and wasn't, and I knew that I would leave and go on to live my sham of a life while he would die the following day, saving the lives of the men who worshipped him. Where was the justice in that? I gave him what he wanted, what he desperately needed, because it was the only thing I could offer. I thought I was trapped back in the past for ever. I thought I would never see you again. I thought I would never have the chance to tell you the truth instead of all the lies and let you choose if you still wanted to have anything to do with me. I had one chance to do something truly selfless for once in my long and useless life and I took it. And then we came back and Tosh sent that IM and you wouldn't give me the time of day and all Hell literally broke loose."
He stopped and leaned forward to rest his forehead against Ianto's. "All those things you said about me were true, Ianto, but the funny thing is that I didn't plan any of it. I was making things up as I went along and the more I did that the harder it was to remember what the truth was. I swear, if any alien had read my mind, they would have believed I was called Captain Jack Harkness because I believed it. I wanted to believe it. I wanted to be the fearless hero who knew everything. But you know what? I still screwed up. I still hurt people I wanted to protect. So I started to keep people at a distance so it wouldn't hurt so much and I got so good at that I sort of stopped feeling pretty much of anything.. And the lies got to be a game, a huge charade I was playing on everyone else and it never mattered at all until you came along and then it mattered a lot and it was already too late."
"You could have said something," Ianto sighed. "I would have been more inclined to listen if you had told me, rather than my having to find it out myself."
"I didn't want to risk it," Jack admitted. "I'd been lying for so long that it had become second-nature."
"That much I can believe," Ianto said. Jack gave him a stricken look as Ianto grasped his hands and lifted them away from his shoulders. "Jack, your lies are true works of art. They hang together so beautifully and are so well crafted that after a while you begin to believe them and you radiate assurance when you tell them. How can I be sure that my gift would recognise the truth if you actually spoke it? Have I ever heard you speak the truth?"
"Yes," Jack said desperately, "you have." He stole another kiss before Ianto could move away. "I love you. You heard the truth when I told you that I love you but I can't love you the way a normal 21st century Earth human would love you. I grew up in a society where sex and love are two completely different things. Sometimes they come together, sometimes they don't. I travelled in time and space and saw every variation on the theme of love and sex that you could imagine, and some that you couldn't. I couldn't begin to count the number of times I have had sex, Ianto, but I can tell you the number of times I have been in love. I've lived for over three hundred years and I've been in love seven times. It's a rare and precious thing to have happen, and I value it more than you can possibly imagine."
He stopped to pull in another, deeper breath and turned to face the Doctor. "That's why I'm staying here. I'm not walking away this time. This time I'm staying and I'm fighting for what I want. If it takes me the rest of your life, Ianto, I am going to prove to you that I'm telling the truth when I tell you that I love you."
"Er, I should possibly tell you at this point that I've offered to take Ianto with me in the TARDIS," the Doctor said casually.
"What?" Jack gave Ianto a horrified look before his shoulders slumped. "Oh, I see." He managed to find a smile from somewhere. "Well, you couldn't have chosen a better person to have as a Companion, Doc. You'll love it out there, Ianto, and I'll keep an eye on Torchwood while you're away. Maybe you'll come back after a while?" he finished hopefully. "I really would like the chance to make amends."
Ianto gave the Doctor a speaking look. "Are you always this much of a mischief-maker?" he asked.
The Doctor considered the question for a moment, then nodded, grinning. "Pretty much, yeah."
Ianto sighed. "I'd already turned him down, Jack. I'm staying. I have responsibilities I can't just walk away from, no matter how tempting the offer made."
"Tell you what; why don't I go off and let you watch over Earth's rebirth and I'll come back in about, oh, let's say fifty years and make you the same offer? How about it? I think you'll deserve a holiday by then."
"For God's sake, Doc, Ianto'll be 75 years old then!" Jack protested. "Can't you come back in maybe five years?"
Ianto had been gazing at the Doctor, who looked back with that faint smile on his face. He gave Ianto a reassuring nod. Inside Ianto a battle raged, as hope had it out with paranoia. He so desperately wanted to believe Jack. He had never known a connection quite like the one he had shared with the mercurial Captain, which was partly why he had felt so devastated when he had thought himself to be abandoned. He had loved Lisa, and her loss still made him ache deep inside himself, but he had a nasty feeling that their relationship would only have lasted a handful of years, and only the fact that his empathic gift had run wild during the Cyberman invasion had made his love become an obsession. What he felt for Jack had crept up on him slowly and by the time he had become aware of it he was in too deep to even consider getting free.
Trust.... He had made such an issue out of it, but he had kept his own secrets, even though he had told no lies. Maybe it was time to take a chance. "No, I won't," he said and saw the Doctor's smile widen.
"What?" Jack said, giving him a confused look.
"I won't be seventy five in fifty years time," Ianto elaborated. He smiled faintly when he saw the look of confusion on Jack's face. "I'm a little older than I look, Jack."
"You are?" Confusion was gradually replaced by suspicion. "How much older?"
Ianto shrugged. "If you guess right, I'll tell you." He hesitated, feeling suddenly vulnerable. "Maybe we could wipe the slate clean and start again?" he suggested diffidently. "Just be Ianto Jones and Captain Jack Harkness and get to know one another from scratch?"
Very gradually, Jack started to smile. "I think I'd like that," he said. "I think I'd like that a lot." He stepped forward to slide his arms around Ianto's waist. "Pleased to meet you, Ianto Jones," he said before he kissed him very, very gently. Ianto leaned into the kiss, accepting it and returning it avidly. After a moment, Jack pulled back and gave him a severe look. "You've been starving yourself, love. I can feel it."
Ianto blushed and ducked his head. "No-one interested me. You're a hard act to follow, Captain."
Jack grinned and nuzzled the side of his neck. "Now how would you know that, seeing as how we've just met, hmm?"
Ianto smirked at him. "Oh, I have an instinct for these things, sir."
Jack shivered. "Love it when you call me sir," he whispered before reclaiming Ianto's mouth for another kiss.
The Doctor sighed and rolled his eyes. Then sighed again. After a moment, he raised his eyebrows. He wandered out through the door and came back clutching a box of popcorn he had unearthed from somewhere. Hopping up on one of the beds, he settled down to watch the floorshow, suppressing the urge to applaud at certain athletic intervals. He really did like a happy ending.
OOOO
"Remember you promised to come back in fifty years time and take us on a trip," Jack reminded the Doctor for about the twentieth time.
The Doctor rolled his eyes and grinned as Ianto gave him a sympathetic look. "Puh-lease! I'm going to call back well before then to make sure you two aren't at one another's throats again. Besides, I have to come back in six years time."
"Why?" Jack demanded.
"Can't tell you," the Doctor said with an impish grin. "It would spoil the surprise!" He laughed at the rude name that Jack called him and winked at Ianto. "Good luck with rebuilding the planet."
"The nanites are working, Doctor. There hasn't been a new case of the Burning in a month," Ianto said in satisfaction. "It will take us a long time, but we will rebuild."
A shadow passed over Jack's face. "When I said that the 21st century was when it all changed, I didn't realise that it meant that the Human race would practically become extinct."
The Doctor gave him consoling pat on the arm. "Believe it or not, this works out for the best. With the population so vastly reduced, the world gets a chance to recover from global warming. With so few people, the survivors can relocate from the areas of the world affected by global warming without wars over water and territory breaking out. Old borders will become meaningless and a lot of old quarrels forgotten. There's enough of the technological framework surviving for the new societies to communicate and trade with without getting too close to one another until they've all stabilised. What comes out of this is a better, saner world. Of course, knowing Humans, this won't last for more than a couple of centuries, but for now you're going to have another little Golden Age. Enjoy it while you can."
"Keep safe, Doctor," Ianto said warmly as he reached out to hug the startled Time Lord.
After a moment, the Doctor relaxed into the embrace, savouring the sensation. "Trust him. Trust me. We may be fallible, but we do care," he whispered.
"I know," Ianto said with a smile. "I just have to unlearn old habits."
"It'll be worth it, I promise you." The Doctor pulled away reluctantly, only to get dragged into another embrace with Jack. After a moment, he squawked indignantly and shoved Jack away. "Really, Captain!"
Jack just grinned cheekily. After a moment of indignant huffing, the Doctor grinned back and went back into the TARDIS. The familiar moaning song started up and she gradually vanished from sight. There was a moment of silence before Jack sighed and turned away.
"Coffee, Captain?" Ianto offered, sensing that Jack needed a distraction.
Jack gave him a grateful smile. "Any time, although I suppose we'd better start considering setting up new trading links if we're going to get more coffee before the stockpiles run out. Think we'll have to go back to sailing ships?"
Ianto laughed. "You just fancy yourself on the deck of a schooner, don't you?" he teased as he made for the kitchen.
"Arrr," Jack agreed with enthusiasm. He bounded after Ianto. "Prepare to be boarded, matey!"
OOOO
Much later, Jack lay alongside Ianto and watched him sleep. The future was spreading out in front of him, full of uncertainties, but at least it was a future that contained Ianto Jones and for that he was profoundly grateful. It was also a future that contained mysteries. It seemed that Ianto was much more than the extraordinary human that Jack had taken him to be. Quite what he was, Jack had yet to discover, since Ianto had told him frankly that he would prefer it if they discovered one another's secrets gradually. Whatever Ianto's secret was, it was one that made him very wary.
Jack lowered his head to kiss Ianto on the shoulder. He'd nearly lost this. He could still blow it if he fell back on old habits. Ianto stirred in his sleep and turned over to snuggle up to Jack, a small sigh of contentment coming from him as he settled again. Jack reached out a trembling hand and very gently stroked Ianto's face. He wasn't going to ruin this, he vowed silently. Just this once he was going to get something right. And from what Ianto had told him, he was going to have quite a bit of time to practice in.
"A little older than you look," he murmured as he continued to stroke the perfect body beside him. "How much older I wonder?"
"Old enough to know the value of an uninterrupted night's sleep," Ianto said in sleepy exasperation. He opened one eye to glare at Jack. "Do you ever sleep?"
Jack laughed. "I sleep right after I come back from the dead and after great sex, but apart from that-oof!" he said as Ianto tipped him over onto his back and straddled him, grinning wickedly.
"So the only chance I have of a decent night's sleep is to either murder you or fuck you senseless?" he asked innocently.
Jack grinned. "Either ought to do it, but I'd prefer the latter, if you don't mind," he agreed happily, eagerly reaching up to Ianto as the Welshman bent forward to kiss him.
Sometimes living in the slow lane was a pretty good place to be.
OOOO