(no subject)
Title: Coming Back, Chapter 2/?
Pairing: Lee/Kara
Rating: T / PG-13
Spoliers: Anything post Exodus Pt. 2 - Season 3
Summary: Kara is barely holding on after her captivity on New Caprica. How long can she pretend everything's okay?
A/N: Thanks to everyone for your awesome comments on Chapter 1 - I am humbled by your support and enthusiasm. Here's hoping you like the next set of developments.
---- ----
Chapter 2
---- ----
An uneventful CAP already had Starbuck on edge. She all but vaulted down the ladder, thrusting her helmet at the first knuckle dragger she saw. Violently taking the post-flight checklist from him, she scribbled her name along the bottom and handed it back to him wordlessly.
No one dared approach her as she left the deck. The anger and frustration rolled off her in waves, creating a visible barrier between every one else and her. She needed a drink-hell, she needed 50 drinks and a nice, quiet and empty supply closet, so she wouldn’t have to go back to her bunk and smell Sam’s scent still on the sheets, or play triad in the rec room and pretend she was enjoying herself. She was so tired of pretending.
Stripping her flight suit down to her waist, she tied the sleeves together. She just needed a set of fatigues and she’d be good to wallow until her next shift in six hours.
“Kara?”
She stopped, the voice vaguely recognizable, but not identifiable. Whoever it was they didn’t know her very well; anybody with two brain cells to rub together would know this was not the time.
Turning, she began to say, “Look, I-“ But then stopped abruptly as she recognized Julia Brynne standing before her, holding Kacey in her arms. The little girl’s blonde head rested against her mother’s shoulder, and even from this distance Kara could see the hair at her temples was matted with sweat. And she was whimpering softly even as Julia patted her back gently.
“Julia, I-“
“Kara, thank the Gods.” Julia approached, clamping a strong hand around Kara’s forearm, drawing them together in close proximity. “I need your help.”
She tried to focus on the frantic woman, she really did, but seeing Kacey again had dislodged something inside her and now all she wanted to do was hold her. Instead, she placed a gentle, hesitant hand to Kacey’s back, startled when she realized she was sweating through her clothes.
“What’s wrong?” Kara demanded, trying to keep the anger out of her voice. Julia was supposed to take care of Kacey, not allow her to be sick.
The other woman’s eyes welled with tears. Kara wasn’t normally moved by such a show of emotion, but then she heard Kacey’s small voice. “Kawa. Kawa.”
And again a large chunk of something broke off inside her, twisting and turning her gut. “Hi, honey. I’ve missed you.”
“Kara, I don’t know what happened. She wasn’t feeling well yesterday, but when she woke up this morning, she was running a high fever and I couldn’t even get her out of bed …”
“What did the docs say?” Kara knew Camp Oil Slick wasn’t the best place, but there had to be some type of medical care.
Julia shook her head. “That I should keep her cool and wait. But, Kara, she hasn’t kept anything down for over twelve hours, not even water.”
Kara fingered one of Kacey’s curls, placing it gently behind the girl’s ear. The little one turned at her touch and a memory of the child in a hospital bed with a white bandage wrapped around her head flashed through her mind. She had promised at that moment to do whatever it took to keep Kacey safe. Even if it meant tolerating a Cylon’s touch.
“Come with me,” Kara told her, turning abruptly and heading toward Life Station.
---- ----
“Gods, Kara, I’m so sorry about this,” Julia Brynne said for the hundredth time since finding Kara an hour ago. “Are you sure there isn’t somewhere else you need to be?”
Kara shook her head, her eyes focused on Kacey’s sleeping form. The two-year-old looked painfully small in the adult-sized Life Station bed. “Nope, not until I know she’s okay,” Kara answered softly, holding Kacey’s tiny hand in her own.
“I don’t know what happened,” Julia confided, choosing to pace at the foot of her daughter’s bed. “She was fussy for a few days. And then I thought maybe it was something she ate, but-”
Kara did her best not to snap at the irritating, and obviously concerned mother. “The doc said it’s just the flu.” She risked glancing to the woman and gave her a small smile. “It’s not your fault.”
Julia gave her a tight smile before ducking her head and Kara turned her attention back to Kacey. Her skin was so pale, her breathing labored. She hated the sight of the IV in her arm, but knew the little girl needed the nutrients carried through the tube. Still, it brought back dark memories of Cylon doctors and baby farms. Just as Julia had brought Kacey to her begging for help had reminded her of Leoben and the little girl lying at the foot of the stairs.
“Thank you, Kara,” Julia said softly and Kara realized she was standing beside her. “Thank you for helping her. I knew she wouldn’t get the kind of treatment she needed in the camp.”
Kara simply nodded. They kept their silence for a few minutes. Kara absently wondered what time it was. She knew it was a while before her next CAP, but she had the faintest inkling that there was a maintenance shift she was supposed to be at. She wasn’t worried enough to actually check. There was nothing that would take her from Kacey’s side right now anyway, not even a Cylon attack.
The curtain rustled, admitting a grumpy Doc Cottle. “Thrace, this is beyond unacceptable.”
Kara rose to face him, bracing herself for a fight. When she’d brought Kacey in, the nurses had immediately treated her, having learned to handle emergency situations almost by rote. Now that Kacey had been fully admitted though, Kara knew Cottle was going to fight her. Life Station was strictly for the treatment of military personnel, not sick little girls.
“She needs help, doc,” Kara reminded him, forcing her voice steady; forcing herself not to remember how terrified she’d been upon seeing the feverish little girl in her mother’s arms. “You know she won’t get it down at the camp. You know they don’t have the medicine or the time or the patience or even the blankets to keep her warm enough.”
She took a few steps forward as she spoke, surprised by the anger that was burning in her gut. She shouldn’t be; she was angry all the time now: angry at herself, at Sam, at Leoben, at Cylons, at the universe in general. Being mad at Cottle was actually the most logical feeling she’d had since returning from New Caprica. She wasn’t going to sit by and watch him deny a sick child treatment; not while she was still breathing at any rate.
“Thrace, I can’t start making exceptions,” Cottle told her, lowering his voice. Taking her by the elbow, he led her to the edge of the curtained area and away from Julia. “If anyone finds out she’s here, my sick bay will be flooded with refugees all begging for help.”
“No one’s going to find out,” Kara hissed, wrenching her arm out of his grip. She didn’t like to be touched, not now. “Julia won’t tell anyone. And hardly anybody saw us on the way here.”
She watched as Cottle stared at her, then took in Kacey’s prone form on the bed behind her. Kara saw a crack in his formidable demeanor and decided to stomp on it. Dropping her voice to a soft plea, she said, “Please, doc. She’s just a kid.”
As if he knew she was manipulating him, Cottle’s expression hardened in a second. “If you can get the Admiral to clear it, then she can stay. Otherwise, she goes in the morning.”
Kara released a breath, feeling two parts relieved and about a million parts terrified. Talking to the Old Man wasn’t really her favorite thing at the moment. He’d barely looked at her after returning from the surface. She guessed Lee had filled his head with hateful (and probably true) things while she’d been gone; she guessed Adama was simply being loyal to his blood family, finally realizing that Kara Thrace had always caused him far more trouble than she was worth.
Glancing over her shoulder, she watched Julia lightly run her hand through Kacey’s blonde curls, the mother’s soft hum reaching Kara’s ears and making her eyes incredibly tight. Blinking quickly, she told him, “Fine. I’ll talk to the Admiral.” Looking back at them once more, she ordered, “Just make sure they’re okay,” before striding for the exit realizing she had to keep moving if she was going to do this. Stopping meant thinking and Kara couldn’t afford that.
---- ----
Kara knew it was a risk to ask the Old Man for help, but at this moment, she didn’t know what her other choice was. Kacey was sick and the sight of her in that bed, sweating out an infection and trying to keep her eyes open cut Kara deeper than any knife.
Turning into the corridor outside CIC, she kept her head down, walking purposefully forward.
“Kara!”
She froze at the sound of his voice, wondering what would happen if she ignored him. Past history would indicate they’d end up trading barbs or blows-probably both.
Stopping in front of the CO’s hatch, she didn’t turn to face him, but asked, “What do you want?”
“You’re due on the deck,” Lee reminded her. She could sense his approach, his presence behind her so familiar. “Did you forget or are you trying to be insubordinate?”
Kara turned. She had expected Lee to be angry, but she hadn’t expected to see sympathy in his gaze. It was the same soft look he’d given her the other day in the gym and Kara felt her stomach fall to her feet at just the hint of that much concern. “Something came up.”
He stepped forward, holding her gently above the elbow as though afraid she’d flee. After months of not being touched and a few weeks of Sam’s sexual demands, the soft feel of Lee’s thumb stroking a lazy path along the crease in her elbow was dizzying.
“You can do better than that, Kara.”
Jerking away from him, she felt her mind shut itself off again. She couldn’t let this happen again, couldn’t be fooled into thinking things were going to get better.
“Maybe it’s none of your business, Lee,” she spat, forcing herself to move away from him.
"Kara." His tone compelled her to meet his gaze and she regretted it. There was something in his eyes that pulled at her heart, that hard, cold organ in the middle of her chest that had lain dormant for months. And frak, it hurt. It made her inhale sharply, small black dots clouding her vision, making it hard to see, to breathe. And so she pushed him away.
"Kara."
He reached for her again, but Kara sidestepped him successfully this time. She had already knocked and been given permission to enter, by the time Lee recovered. He made a move to follow her through the open hatch and she paused, glaring. “This is none of your business, major.”
“Considering you’re currently shirking your duties as a member of the Colonial Fleet, I think it is plenty my business.”
Frak. Kara thought about decking him, knocking him down long enough to get inside and close the door. But punching Lee in such close proximity to the Admiral would only land her in more trouble. She chose to ignore him instead.
“Lieutenant” the Admiral greeted her, taking in Lee’s form over her shoulder. “Major. This is a surprise. To what do I owe the honor?”
“Do you want to tell him?” Lee demanded, causing Kara to whirl, fist clenched. “Or should I?”
“Shut up, Major,” she bit out. Gods, she had never wanted to hit someone so badly before in her life, which for Kara was really saying something.
“Watch your tone, Lieutenant.” The earlier softness she’d seen was all but gone now. Now, there was only anger in Lee’s eyes. It was a typical state for their relationship; caring and concern one minute, blind hatred the next.
“Maybe you should both be quiet and just tell me what’s going on,” Adama said, forcing Kara to face front and meet his hard gaze.
Standing ramrod straight, Kara focused her eyes just over the Admiral’s shoulder and schooled her voice not to crack. “I’m currently late for a maintenance shift, sir, because I was in Life Station.”
The feeling of Lee’s hand on the small of her back almost undid all of Kara’s resolve. “Why didn’t you say something? Are you okay?”
She refused to turn and meet his gaze, knowing those damn blue eyes would do her in for sure. Nodding once, she kept her focus straight ahead and said, “Yes. I’m fine. Unfortunately, Kacey Brynne isn’t. Her mother, Julia, came to me and asked me to take her to Life Station. Julia was afraid Kacey wouldn’t get the kind of care she needed in Camp Oil Slick.”
Out of the corner of her eye, she caught Adama’s quick flick of his gaze to Lee before focusing on her again. Leaning back in his chair, he said, “I think you better start from the beginning, Kara.”
Great, now it was Kara. Were these men trying to undo her? Pressing her fingernails into her palms so hard it hurt, Kara resolved not to breakdown.
“I met Kacey on New Caprica. She’s two years old and she’s very sweet. Her mother and I became friends.” It was true, in a way. “Since we’ve been back, they’ve been living in one of the refugee camps. Kacey became very ill this morning and Julia panicked. She tracked me down right after my CAP and begged me to help Kacey, so I took her to Cottle.”
Both Adama and Lee were silent as she finished. Lee was still standing unbelievably close, but he’d dropped his hand from her back and she was simultaneously grateful and distraught. She’d had no idea how much she’d missed even the smallest show of comfort.
“Where is Kacey now?” the Admiral asked.
“In Life Station, hooked up to an IV. Cottle says she’s got a bad strain of the flu. She can’t keep down any solid food.” Swallowing hard, Kara added, “He also says she can’t stay there unless you approve it.”
She figured the Admiral knew this already. He simply nodded once and then stayed silent.
“She’s the little girl,” Lee breathed from beside her. Without thinking she turned to face him and had to dig her fingernails into her palm just a little harder to keep the tears in. When brought to bear on a single person, his blue eyes could make even the hardest woman a puddle of goo. “When you came back, you were holding a little girl. It was Kacey.”
Kara nodded, knowing she’d never be able to speak and keep her voice steady. And any sign of weakness right now would be far too much.
“You understand why Cottle is upset, right Kara?” the Admiral asked, drawing Kara’s attention front.
“Yes, sir. I know the military needs those resources and I know that Cottle and his team are supposed to be dedicated to us, but …” She stopped for a second feeling a ball of emotion she wouldn’t be able to stop bubbling up her throat. It took her a full minute to force it back down. “But Kacey is sick, sir, really sick. And I honestly think that if she wasn’t getting treatment from Cottle right now, she’d die.”
It was true. Too many people had been lost since the attack on the colonies to the most ridiculous causes: colds, flu, pneumonia, infection. Health issues that would have been easily treatable back home were now cause for widespread concern and an inordinate amount of death. It was simply another fall-out from the apocalypse.
The Admiral sighed heavily, studying her closely and she did her best not to flinch. Both Lee and the Old Man had the uncanny ability to make her feel as though she were standing in a spotlight whenever she was subjected to their scrutiny.
“Kacey can stay in Life Station until Cottle gives her the all clear,” the Admiral finally decreed. “I’ll call him and let him know.”
“Thank you, sir. Thank you so much.” Kara had never been so grateful for anything in her entire life.
Forgetting that she was still an officer and therefore not free to come and go as she pleased, Kara turned to leave, eager to get back to Kacey. However, the Admiral’s gruff voice stopped her. “You’re not dismissed, Lieutenant.”
She froze, an involuntary chill coursing down her spine. The idea that she couldn’t leave this room of her own free will was maddening-and reminded her far too much of Leoben. Turning slowly, she caught a glimpse of Lee’s face. He appeared to be hovering between anger and compassion for her. She didn’t know which was worse.
“Sir?”
“There’s still the little matter of you missing a shift, Starbuck. Dereliction of duty during wartime is a serious offense,” the Old Man reminded her.
“Admiral, I think under the circumstances, we can let this slide,” Apollo said from behind her and she’d never been so relieved to hear his voice. “A night in the brig would be more than sufficient.”
Adama rounded his desk to stand before them both. However, his unforgiving gaze was for Kara alone. “No matter the reason, Starbuck, it is unacceptable to forego your responsibilities. I have to say that since your return, I’ve questioned your dedication to this fleet.”
Kara’s head jerked back as though he’d slapped her. He might as well have. “Sir, with all due respect-”
“Silence, Lieutenant.” She could tell the Old Man was building up a head of steam for something. She bit her lip, obeying his order to stay quiet.
He looked her up and down once more before declaring, “Starbuck, I'm revoking your flight status. Effective immediately."
Her heart almost beat out of her chest as his words registered. They couldn't take her out of the sky. “What?” she exclaimed feeling as though she were in freefall.
“Admiral, I’d very much like to discuss this with you. In private,” Lee told him, taking another step closer to his father.
Adama dismissed him. “This isn't the CAG's call,” he told them both, heading back to his desk.
Forcing herself back to attention, Kara addressed Adama, fighting to keep the tremor out of her voice. “Permission to speak freely, sir?”
He met her gaze. “You really want to see how much further you can dig your own grave?” Waving his hand dismissively, he said, “Granted.”
“What the hell do you think this is going to accomplish?”
“You need to make a decision, Lieutenant. A decision about how you want to live your life now. What you want it to be about.” Adama resumed his seat. “Your flying since you’ve returned has bordered on suicidal, and your attitude is toxic to the rest of the air group. You need to move on,” he told her. “Whatever happened on New Caprica, you need to move past it. You survived, Lieutenant.”
She wanted to scream, wanted to rage and she really wanted to hit something. When had just surviving become acceptable? “With all due respect, sir, you’re talking out of your ass.”
“Lieutenant,” Adama barked, rising and fixing her with his own fierce stare. “That’s enough.”
“Really? I think it’s barely a start.” Kara glared for a moment more, her arms and legs tingling with rage, her heart pounding with anger.
Without waiting for a dismissal, she turned to go, throwing open the hatch and stalking away.
---- ----
As soon as Kara was gone, Lee demanded, "Do you honestly think keeping Starbuck from the sky is the best way to handle this?" He knew his father was a smart man, military smart, steeped in strategy and tactical training. But this was frakkin' stupid. "She'll die if we keep her out of the cockpit."
"Quite an incentive, don't you think?"
Now Lee knew his father was insane. "Kara doesn't respond well to ultimatums, dad." Lee knew that first hand. "You do this, she'll slip even further away from us, from-" Lee stopped himself just in time. His father didn't need to know Kara's silence was assuredly killing Lee just as much as it was killing her.
"I happen to disagree. Kara needs something to fight for. I'm going to make it her flight status."
Lee knew that tone. This discussion was over. “This is a mistake, sir,” he ground out before leaving, forcing himself not to think of what Kara might do when confronted with no chance to fly.
---- ----
Coming Back - Chapter 3
Pairing: Lee/Kara
Rating: T / PG-13
Spoliers: Anything post Exodus Pt. 2 - Season 3
Summary: Kara is barely holding on after her captivity on New Caprica. How long can she pretend everything's okay?
A/N: Thanks to everyone for your awesome comments on Chapter 1 - I am humbled by your support and enthusiasm. Here's hoping you like the next set of developments.
---- ----
Chapter 2
---- ----
An uneventful CAP already had Starbuck on edge. She all but vaulted down the ladder, thrusting her helmet at the first knuckle dragger she saw. Violently taking the post-flight checklist from him, she scribbled her name along the bottom and handed it back to him wordlessly.
No one dared approach her as she left the deck. The anger and frustration rolled off her in waves, creating a visible barrier between every one else and her. She needed a drink-hell, she needed 50 drinks and a nice, quiet and empty supply closet, so she wouldn’t have to go back to her bunk and smell Sam’s scent still on the sheets, or play triad in the rec room and pretend she was enjoying herself. She was so tired of pretending.
Stripping her flight suit down to her waist, she tied the sleeves together. She just needed a set of fatigues and she’d be good to wallow until her next shift in six hours.
“Kara?”
She stopped, the voice vaguely recognizable, but not identifiable. Whoever it was they didn’t know her very well; anybody with two brain cells to rub together would know this was not the time.
Turning, she began to say, “Look, I-“ But then stopped abruptly as she recognized Julia Brynne standing before her, holding Kacey in her arms. The little girl’s blonde head rested against her mother’s shoulder, and even from this distance Kara could see the hair at her temples was matted with sweat. And she was whimpering softly even as Julia patted her back gently.
“Julia, I-“
“Kara, thank the Gods.” Julia approached, clamping a strong hand around Kara’s forearm, drawing them together in close proximity. “I need your help.”
She tried to focus on the frantic woman, she really did, but seeing Kacey again had dislodged something inside her and now all she wanted to do was hold her. Instead, she placed a gentle, hesitant hand to Kacey’s back, startled when she realized she was sweating through her clothes.
“What’s wrong?” Kara demanded, trying to keep the anger out of her voice. Julia was supposed to take care of Kacey, not allow her to be sick.
The other woman’s eyes welled with tears. Kara wasn’t normally moved by such a show of emotion, but then she heard Kacey’s small voice. “Kawa. Kawa.”
And again a large chunk of something broke off inside her, twisting and turning her gut. “Hi, honey. I’ve missed you.”
“Kara, I don’t know what happened. She wasn’t feeling well yesterday, but when she woke up this morning, she was running a high fever and I couldn’t even get her out of bed …”
“What did the docs say?” Kara knew Camp Oil Slick wasn’t the best place, but there had to be some type of medical care.
Julia shook her head. “That I should keep her cool and wait. But, Kara, she hasn’t kept anything down for over twelve hours, not even water.”
Kara fingered one of Kacey’s curls, placing it gently behind the girl’s ear. The little one turned at her touch and a memory of the child in a hospital bed with a white bandage wrapped around her head flashed through her mind. She had promised at that moment to do whatever it took to keep Kacey safe. Even if it meant tolerating a Cylon’s touch.
“Come with me,” Kara told her, turning abruptly and heading toward Life Station.
---- ----
“Gods, Kara, I’m so sorry about this,” Julia Brynne said for the hundredth time since finding Kara an hour ago. “Are you sure there isn’t somewhere else you need to be?”
Kara shook her head, her eyes focused on Kacey’s sleeping form. The two-year-old looked painfully small in the adult-sized Life Station bed. “Nope, not until I know she’s okay,” Kara answered softly, holding Kacey’s tiny hand in her own.
“I don’t know what happened,” Julia confided, choosing to pace at the foot of her daughter’s bed. “She was fussy for a few days. And then I thought maybe it was something she ate, but-”
Kara did her best not to snap at the irritating, and obviously concerned mother. “The doc said it’s just the flu.” She risked glancing to the woman and gave her a small smile. “It’s not your fault.”
Julia gave her a tight smile before ducking her head and Kara turned her attention back to Kacey. Her skin was so pale, her breathing labored. She hated the sight of the IV in her arm, but knew the little girl needed the nutrients carried through the tube. Still, it brought back dark memories of Cylon doctors and baby farms. Just as Julia had brought Kacey to her begging for help had reminded her of Leoben and the little girl lying at the foot of the stairs.
“Thank you, Kara,” Julia said softly and Kara realized she was standing beside her. “Thank you for helping her. I knew she wouldn’t get the kind of treatment she needed in the camp.”
Kara simply nodded. They kept their silence for a few minutes. Kara absently wondered what time it was. She knew it was a while before her next CAP, but she had the faintest inkling that there was a maintenance shift she was supposed to be at. She wasn’t worried enough to actually check. There was nothing that would take her from Kacey’s side right now anyway, not even a Cylon attack.
The curtain rustled, admitting a grumpy Doc Cottle. “Thrace, this is beyond unacceptable.”
Kara rose to face him, bracing herself for a fight. When she’d brought Kacey in, the nurses had immediately treated her, having learned to handle emergency situations almost by rote. Now that Kacey had been fully admitted though, Kara knew Cottle was going to fight her. Life Station was strictly for the treatment of military personnel, not sick little girls.
“She needs help, doc,” Kara reminded him, forcing her voice steady; forcing herself not to remember how terrified she’d been upon seeing the feverish little girl in her mother’s arms. “You know she won’t get it down at the camp. You know they don’t have the medicine or the time or the patience or even the blankets to keep her warm enough.”
She took a few steps forward as she spoke, surprised by the anger that was burning in her gut. She shouldn’t be; she was angry all the time now: angry at herself, at Sam, at Leoben, at Cylons, at the universe in general. Being mad at Cottle was actually the most logical feeling she’d had since returning from New Caprica. She wasn’t going to sit by and watch him deny a sick child treatment; not while she was still breathing at any rate.
“Thrace, I can’t start making exceptions,” Cottle told her, lowering his voice. Taking her by the elbow, he led her to the edge of the curtained area and away from Julia. “If anyone finds out she’s here, my sick bay will be flooded with refugees all begging for help.”
“No one’s going to find out,” Kara hissed, wrenching her arm out of his grip. She didn’t like to be touched, not now. “Julia won’t tell anyone. And hardly anybody saw us on the way here.”
She watched as Cottle stared at her, then took in Kacey’s prone form on the bed behind her. Kara saw a crack in his formidable demeanor and decided to stomp on it. Dropping her voice to a soft plea, she said, “Please, doc. She’s just a kid.”
As if he knew she was manipulating him, Cottle’s expression hardened in a second. “If you can get the Admiral to clear it, then she can stay. Otherwise, she goes in the morning.”
Kara released a breath, feeling two parts relieved and about a million parts terrified. Talking to the Old Man wasn’t really her favorite thing at the moment. He’d barely looked at her after returning from the surface. She guessed Lee had filled his head with hateful (and probably true) things while she’d been gone; she guessed Adama was simply being loyal to his blood family, finally realizing that Kara Thrace had always caused him far more trouble than she was worth.
Glancing over her shoulder, she watched Julia lightly run her hand through Kacey’s blonde curls, the mother’s soft hum reaching Kara’s ears and making her eyes incredibly tight. Blinking quickly, she told him, “Fine. I’ll talk to the Admiral.” Looking back at them once more, she ordered, “Just make sure they’re okay,” before striding for the exit realizing she had to keep moving if she was going to do this. Stopping meant thinking and Kara couldn’t afford that.
---- ----
Kara knew it was a risk to ask the Old Man for help, but at this moment, she didn’t know what her other choice was. Kacey was sick and the sight of her in that bed, sweating out an infection and trying to keep her eyes open cut Kara deeper than any knife.
Turning into the corridor outside CIC, she kept her head down, walking purposefully forward.
“Kara!”
She froze at the sound of his voice, wondering what would happen if she ignored him. Past history would indicate they’d end up trading barbs or blows-probably both.
Stopping in front of the CO’s hatch, she didn’t turn to face him, but asked, “What do you want?”
“You’re due on the deck,” Lee reminded her. She could sense his approach, his presence behind her so familiar. “Did you forget or are you trying to be insubordinate?”
Kara turned. She had expected Lee to be angry, but she hadn’t expected to see sympathy in his gaze. It was the same soft look he’d given her the other day in the gym and Kara felt her stomach fall to her feet at just the hint of that much concern. “Something came up.”
He stepped forward, holding her gently above the elbow as though afraid she’d flee. After months of not being touched and a few weeks of Sam’s sexual demands, the soft feel of Lee’s thumb stroking a lazy path along the crease in her elbow was dizzying.
“You can do better than that, Kara.”
Jerking away from him, she felt her mind shut itself off again. She couldn’t let this happen again, couldn’t be fooled into thinking things were going to get better.
“Maybe it’s none of your business, Lee,” she spat, forcing herself to move away from him.
"Kara." His tone compelled her to meet his gaze and she regretted it. There was something in his eyes that pulled at her heart, that hard, cold organ in the middle of her chest that had lain dormant for months. And frak, it hurt. It made her inhale sharply, small black dots clouding her vision, making it hard to see, to breathe. And so she pushed him away.
"Kara."
He reached for her again, but Kara sidestepped him successfully this time. She had already knocked and been given permission to enter, by the time Lee recovered. He made a move to follow her through the open hatch and she paused, glaring. “This is none of your business, major.”
“Considering you’re currently shirking your duties as a member of the Colonial Fleet, I think it is plenty my business.”
Frak. Kara thought about decking him, knocking him down long enough to get inside and close the door. But punching Lee in such close proximity to the Admiral would only land her in more trouble. She chose to ignore him instead.
“Lieutenant” the Admiral greeted her, taking in Lee’s form over her shoulder. “Major. This is a surprise. To what do I owe the honor?”
“Do you want to tell him?” Lee demanded, causing Kara to whirl, fist clenched. “Or should I?”
“Shut up, Major,” she bit out. Gods, she had never wanted to hit someone so badly before in her life, which for Kara was really saying something.
“Watch your tone, Lieutenant.” The earlier softness she’d seen was all but gone now. Now, there was only anger in Lee’s eyes. It was a typical state for their relationship; caring and concern one minute, blind hatred the next.
“Maybe you should both be quiet and just tell me what’s going on,” Adama said, forcing Kara to face front and meet his hard gaze.
Standing ramrod straight, Kara focused her eyes just over the Admiral’s shoulder and schooled her voice not to crack. “I’m currently late for a maintenance shift, sir, because I was in Life Station.”
The feeling of Lee’s hand on the small of her back almost undid all of Kara’s resolve. “Why didn’t you say something? Are you okay?”
She refused to turn and meet his gaze, knowing those damn blue eyes would do her in for sure. Nodding once, she kept her focus straight ahead and said, “Yes. I’m fine. Unfortunately, Kacey Brynne isn’t. Her mother, Julia, came to me and asked me to take her to Life Station. Julia was afraid Kacey wouldn’t get the kind of care she needed in Camp Oil Slick.”
Out of the corner of her eye, she caught Adama’s quick flick of his gaze to Lee before focusing on her again. Leaning back in his chair, he said, “I think you better start from the beginning, Kara.”
Great, now it was Kara. Were these men trying to undo her? Pressing her fingernails into her palms so hard it hurt, Kara resolved not to breakdown.
“I met Kacey on New Caprica. She’s two years old and she’s very sweet. Her mother and I became friends.” It was true, in a way. “Since we’ve been back, they’ve been living in one of the refugee camps. Kacey became very ill this morning and Julia panicked. She tracked me down right after my CAP and begged me to help Kacey, so I took her to Cottle.”
Both Adama and Lee were silent as she finished. Lee was still standing unbelievably close, but he’d dropped his hand from her back and she was simultaneously grateful and distraught. She’d had no idea how much she’d missed even the smallest show of comfort.
“Where is Kacey now?” the Admiral asked.
“In Life Station, hooked up to an IV. Cottle says she’s got a bad strain of the flu. She can’t keep down any solid food.” Swallowing hard, Kara added, “He also says she can’t stay there unless you approve it.”
She figured the Admiral knew this already. He simply nodded once and then stayed silent.
“She’s the little girl,” Lee breathed from beside her. Without thinking she turned to face him and had to dig her fingernails into her palm just a little harder to keep the tears in. When brought to bear on a single person, his blue eyes could make even the hardest woman a puddle of goo. “When you came back, you were holding a little girl. It was Kacey.”
Kara nodded, knowing she’d never be able to speak and keep her voice steady. And any sign of weakness right now would be far too much.
“You understand why Cottle is upset, right Kara?” the Admiral asked, drawing Kara’s attention front.
“Yes, sir. I know the military needs those resources and I know that Cottle and his team are supposed to be dedicated to us, but …” She stopped for a second feeling a ball of emotion she wouldn’t be able to stop bubbling up her throat. It took her a full minute to force it back down. “But Kacey is sick, sir, really sick. And I honestly think that if she wasn’t getting treatment from Cottle right now, she’d die.”
It was true. Too many people had been lost since the attack on the colonies to the most ridiculous causes: colds, flu, pneumonia, infection. Health issues that would have been easily treatable back home were now cause for widespread concern and an inordinate amount of death. It was simply another fall-out from the apocalypse.
The Admiral sighed heavily, studying her closely and she did her best not to flinch. Both Lee and the Old Man had the uncanny ability to make her feel as though she were standing in a spotlight whenever she was subjected to their scrutiny.
“Kacey can stay in Life Station until Cottle gives her the all clear,” the Admiral finally decreed. “I’ll call him and let him know.”
“Thank you, sir. Thank you so much.” Kara had never been so grateful for anything in her entire life.
Forgetting that she was still an officer and therefore not free to come and go as she pleased, Kara turned to leave, eager to get back to Kacey. However, the Admiral’s gruff voice stopped her. “You’re not dismissed, Lieutenant.”
She froze, an involuntary chill coursing down her spine. The idea that she couldn’t leave this room of her own free will was maddening-and reminded her far too much of Leoben. Turning slowly, she caught a glimpse of Lee’s face. He appeared to be hovering between anger and compassion for her. She didn’t know which was worse.
“Sir?”
“There’s still the little matter of you missing a shift, Starbuck. Dereliction of duty during wartime is a serious offense,” the Old Man reminded her.
“Admiral, I think under the circumstances, we can let this slide,” Apollo said from behind her and she’d never been so relieved to hear his voice. “A night in the brig would be more than sufficient.”
Adama rounded his desk to stand before them both. However, his unforgiving gaze was for Kara alone. “No matter the reason, Starbuck, it is unacceptable to forego your responsibilities. I have to say that since your return, I’ve questioned your dedication to this fleet.”
Kara’s head jerked back as though he’d slapped her. He might as well have. “Sir, with all due respect-”
“Silence, Lieutenant.” She could tell the Old Man was building up a head of steam for something. She bit her lip, obeying his order to stay quiet.
He looked her up and down once more before declaring, “Starbuck, I'm revoking your flight status. Effective immediately."
Her heart almost beat out of her chest as his words registered. They couldn't take her out of the sky. “What?” she exclaimed feeling as though she were in freefall.
“Admiral, I’d very much like to discuss this with you. In private,” Lee told him, taking another step closer to his father.
Adama dismissed him. “This isn't the CAG's call,” he told them both, heading back to his desk.
Forcing herself back to attention, Kara addressed Adama, fighting to keep the tremor out of her voice. “Permission to speak freely, sir?”
He met her gaze. “You really want to see how much further you can dig your own grave?” Waving his hand dismissively, he said, “Granted.”
“What the hell do you think this is going to accomplish?”
“You need to make a decision, Lieutenant. A decision about how you want to live your life now. What you want it to be about.” Adama resumed his seat. “Your flying since you’ve returned has bordered on suicidal, and your attitude is toxic to the rest of the air group. You need to move on,” he told her. “Whatever happened on New Caprica, you need to move past it. You survived, Lieutenant.”
She wanted to scream, wanted to rage and she really wanted to hit something. When had just surviving become acceptable? “With all due respect, sir, you’re talking out of your ass.”
“Lieutenant,” Adama barked, rising and fixing her with his own fierce stare. “That’s enough.”
“Really? I think it’s barely a start.” Kara glared for a moment more, her arms and legs tingling with rage, her heart pounding with anger.
Without waiting for a dismissal, she turned to go, throwing open the hatch and stalking away.
---- ----
As soon as Kara was gone, Lee demanded, "Do you honestly think keeping Starbuck from the sky is the best way to handle this?" He knew his father was a smart man, military smart, steeped in strategy and tactical training. But this was frakkin' stupid. "She'll die if we keep her out of the cockpit."
"Quite an incentive, don't you think?"
Now Lee knew his father was insane. "Kara doesn't respond well to ultimatums, dad." Lee knew that first hand. "You do this, she'll slip even further away from us, from-" Lee stopped himself just in time. His father didn't need to know Kara's silence was assuredly killing Lee just as much as it was killing her.
"I happen to disagree. Kara needs something to fight for. I'm going to make it her flight status."
Lee knew that tone. This discussion was over. “This is a mistake, sir,” he ground out before leaving, forcing himself not to think of what Kara might do when confronted with no chance to fly.
---- ----
Coming Back - Chapter 3