[Complete] Zack, Ranmaru - After Blindness
When; Backdated, some days after Ranmaru loses his eyesight
Rating; G - FLUFF!
Characters; Zack [yourarmor], Mori Ranmaru [elegantorchid]
Summary; Ranmaru tries to adapt to life without his vision, and Zack encourages him along the way. However, the feeling of guilt of being a burden lingers.. and Ranmaru discovers what he can do to pay back the man who has been so kind to him..
Log;
It was difficult, at first. Once everyone had finally left him after he had assured them he would be well, Ranmaru discovered just how wrong his words would actually be. For starters, he had never really been in a situation like this before- never had himself impaired in any way-- granted, yes, he had hurt himself in battle often (it would be quite an embarrassment had he not) and harmed his limbs more times than he could count. But this was different. This was not only an impairment of the senses, but an impairment of something he hadn't actually ever given a second thought to losing. How he wished he had thought of this before- but he was no deity and he wasn't ever going to be able to predict just everything.
That, and he wouldn't have wanted people to see him in a pathetic state of re-learning how to do the things he normally did. Walking into the doors and walls he had just begun to become familiar with was an embarrassing process, he had to begin to count on his ears and hands a lot more than normal. He wondered how much of a mess his living quarters really was in.. and then, Zack had come in and assured him all was fine. Not only that he had helped him get back into the swing of things, aiding him without judgement as to what he should do, where was what, counting as much on Ranmaru's learning than making him feel dependant on him. And Ranmaru appreciated that more than words could express.
His eyes burned every time he tried to open them, even though he couldn't see regardless, so he kept them closed. While this limited a lot of things he could do, he supposed he'd have to eventually occupy his time; he didn't like sitting idle. So,he took to memorising the entire apartment, then took a bold step and tried to learn the city beyond his living space. It was difficult, yes. But no one ever said things like this would be easy.
Finally home after a while (and fortunately not running into anything, he'd been as careful as a shadow)- he settled down to comb his hair. He figured he might as well focus on himself as he learned more things, and as he fanned his hair out to it's full length, he briefly recalled something from his days.. the good days, as he now thought of them.
You're like a blossom, Ranmaru. You keep yourself sealed at your convenience, but with your hair like that, it is easy to see why others are so taken with you.
Lord Mitsuhide. Ranmaru smiled to himself and lowered his head, reaching for his hair comb and feeling for where the teeth were, beginning to comb through his scalp. 100 strokes..
Meanwhile, Zack was grinning like an idiot. Of course, this was his usual look, but today it held a rather big significance. Any other day he didn't have an excuse as to why he was idiotically prancing from his apartment building over to Ranmaru's, though right now he had a big reason. And he wanted to share it with the world.
But the world probably wasn't too interested, so he decided to brag to his friends about it. Ranmaru was one of the first people he wanted to speak to on the matter anyway, plus he needed to go check on him to make sure he hadn't run off and therein forget the way back to his place. Zack didn't doubt Ranmaru's judgment for a second, but heck, he was worried. Of course he would be wondering if he was alright or not. Besides, Zack was an over protective person at heart, so he blamed it on that and the fact that he was concerned over the other's safety.
Zack wouldn't belittle Ranmaru with those thoughts, though. Just him checking up on Ran should tell him enough that he simply cared and offered to help whenever he could.
For now, though? His main goal was to come over and shine his happiness on the younger one, sharing his good mood and all that jazz. So when he finally did make it to Ranmaru's place, Zack flung the door open happily and shouted inside, "Raaaanmaaaruuuu!" With a voice like Zack's, he was positive Ranmaru would hear him no matter where he was.
So with that he made himself at home, shutting the door behind him while literally doing this skip-run bit that he had been doing ever since he got up in the morning. Then again, the morning mainly consisted of clinging to Cloud, which this time he didn't get exasperated groans or him rolling his eyes at Zack. Was the complete opposite, actually.
"Guess what, guess what!" As enthusiastic as ever Zack poked his head into Ranmaru's room, positive he'd be there and not anywhere else in the apartment. But violet eyes stared at the form before him and he settled down a little, smiling happily while making his way over to where the other was combing his hair. "Oh, look at you. All nice and pretty, just like any other day!"
Yes, he'd heard him alright. And frozen in combing his hair, because that's how much of a shock it'd been. He then shrugged, and called back, "Yes, Zack-san~" it fet nice, and strange in a way. The only people he remotely recalled worrying for him had been his brothers, and how long had it been since he'd seen any of them? He continued running the comb through his long hair, unti he could make out the familiar heavy footsteps that symbolised Zack's entry into his room, and smirked a bit to himself. That Zack-san, something good must have happened today, hadn't it?
He couldn't see how he looked, but he supposed-- the moment Zack bounded in, and complimented him, he either did look very good, or Zack was in enough of a cheerful mood to call his shoes pretty as well. Which, knowing him, he probably would. Along with the painting of a dead cat that had flown into his room randomly (that had been rather strange, but he'd kept it regardless just so he could find who it's owner was- not much point in keeping it now that he couldn't see it.)
He turned in his seat, his hair open and falling to his sides, and trying his best to keep down a blush from forming on his cheeks, he then added, "I'm not pretty. I'm a male, and men aren't.." oh, there came the speech. He knew he was, and it embarrassed him, but what could he really do? He was supposed to be presentable in that manner, to look asy on the eyes and to know what his lords would like to see. And they appreciated beauty in the ways and forms that they would like to see it. Even if it was prettiness on a male.
But not here. He wondered idly if he should do something about his appearance, but after seeing the way people dressed here, he thought against it. Some were so strange and vulgar, that he decided he'd wait until he found something to his taste. Maybe Kurogane-san or Fei Long-sama could have some ideas on making him appear more masculine (he was rather fearful about asking Zack-san, considering he'd asked him to sew a female's robe for Cloud-san.. he wondered how Cloud-san had looked in it, regardless.) It must have been nice, as he was rather attra-- (ah. Cloud-san probably went through the same thing Ranmaru did, didn't he?) It was somewhat amusing, regardless, so..
Deciding to shift the subject quickly, Ranmaru placed the comb down and tilted his head, trying to follow Zack's breathing.
"Is everything alright? You sound exasperated." he told him, a half-smile on his lips. Extending a hand just lightly, he beckoned him closer, just so he would know where he was. It was the only way of knowing anyone was there and present with him.
Is everything alright, he said. Of course everything was alright! Everything was more than fine, actually, and Zack would make it known as best as he could.
Zack took Ranmaru's hand happily with two of his own and seated himself on the floor beside the other's seat, resting on his legs and heels while lightly bouncing on them as if he were a child ready to tell his greatest secret to his best friend.
"Well, not exasperated, just excited!" Violet eyes stared at Ranmaru for a moment, a big, wide grin still settled on his face for the time being. He knew even if the other couldn't see he'd be able to tell he was just a giddy as his face would show. But he didn't really have any time to waste. As much as he wanted to go visit people and just spread around his love, he liked it more when he was inside snuggling Cloud like he'd never be able to see him ever again.
And actually, Zack didn't know how to go about telling him this. Sure, he was a rather blunt person to begin with, but it wasn't like he was about to shout something vulgar. He'd only do that if he couldn't think of anything else to say, which was usually the case but with Ranmaru it was a little different.
"I got laid!"
Okay, scratch that. Being blunt was always his best bet, apparently. Though Zack said this with such sincerity that it sounded as if it were more than just him 'getting laid', which was true but Zack was always bad with words when it came to things that he couldn't explain.
He could feel the excitement all the way to here, not that Zack was very far away, but even so. His exuberance was nearly about contagious and Ranmaru couldn't help but crack a light smile at it. He listened carefully to when Zack knelt, trying to make out what he might be doing. There was some definite movement, yes, he was either settling, he was so excited he couldn't sit still.
So, to judge that, he extended his hand to touch Zack's cheek, and feeling the tensed cheeks only confirmed the fact that the man was grinning. Brightly, rather, and Ranmaru moved his hand back to press against one of which was holding his own.
The honest response he got, however, was something he actually was -not- expecting and the smile froze, before becoming an embarrassed little expression and Ranmaru felt his cheeks color brightly. Well, that.. wasn't really something he'd thought would be that exciting, but since Zack was so high about it, it obviously meant a lot to him. Ranmaru wasn't about to say he could relate, because he really couldn't-- such a thing had never been important to him, but when he thought about it? It was, in all likeliness, something that would be precious to Zack.
Which was why he then smiled, a little embarrassed smile, but one nonetheless, and pet his hand with a slight hint of affection. Had he been capable of opening his eyes, he may have even had some warmth in them.
"Congratulations." Ranmaru replied then, as graceful as ever. But, this was where an opportunity to reveal his more mischievous side came in, and his smile became a smirk.
"Cloud-san finally made you a man."
Ah, yes. Was Zack expecting him -not- to say something like that?
Zack blinked for a moment or two in some kind of surprise. But then? He busted up in laughter. Cloud. Make him a man. Oh boy.
"Ah, that would be the case, but let's turn that phrase around a little, eh?" Zack wasn't, and never had been since he was a teenager, a virgin. And it was funny to him that Ranmaru put it as blunt as he himself put his own words, so he chuckled lightly and shook his head. "But really, Ran? It's just. I just..."
Zack honestly couldn't put what he wanted to say into words. Any other time after he had sex, it wasn't like he went around spreading the word as loud and as clear as he could. But this was so very, very different. How long had it been since he tried to work up the courage to even say anything to Cloud about his feelings? And then everything, just in one night, kind of fell into place.
He was probably the happiest man alive right now, that's for certain.
The raven-haired one kept the grin on his face, but it turned into somewhat of an appreciative smile soon after. "I'm so happy." And that was all there was to it.
He had been teasing of course, so when Zack laughed, he knew that his mischief had been met. He gave Zack's hand another light pet, feeling the warmth radiate from him and just an all-out gentleness. He figured from Zack's attitude that the man was definitely not unexperienced in matters of pleasure, but if he'd read him correctly, then such a thing would be held back, never to be used on anyone until and unless he truly felt love for them. A romantic ideal, but when was that a bad thing?
He chuckled then a soft sound- he hadn't really ever felt the need to laugh or desire to, but it came so easily around the man he'd begun to regard as a sort-of brother. Perhaps there was guilt, perhaps sadness, but if there was, it never interfered with how he lived, how he was day by day.
"Why turn the words around? When the beast of desire inside you is tamed by the beauty of the one that is desired most?" he asked, rhetorically. Then, he moved his hand back up to Zack's cheek, giving it a light pat. "Your happiness is indeed contagious. I hope for his sake he was not worn out." he smiled. Then, in a softer voice, he added, "... I am glad things are going right for you, Zack-san. From what you have told me.. you deserve it." he dipped his head lightly. ".. you've been tense, though.. I felt it earlier. Has something been troubling you otherwise..?"
Zack didn't know why, but everything seemed too perfect to be true. And honestly, he had forgotten his and Cloud's little 'problem', among the other people connected to Sephiroth, as he had been too happy to even recall anything like that ever coming about.
And then his smiled flattered a little bit.
It was odd how much things like that effected him greater in the City than when he was back at home. Usually he'd still keep a big, bright 'ol smile on his face as best as he could, but now? Now things were different. Very different, especially since there were so many things in the way that contradicted one another.
Zack tried to pull the smile to full-force again, giving a small grin before speaking on a sort of softer, less happy note. "Well, yeah, but that doesn't matter right now." Actually, it did. He had been neglecting it for quite some time, and it was so odd that so many people picked up on him not being himself. It actually pleased him, especially since so many people offered to help. And while he promised them he would ask for help if things got out of hand, Zack really didn't want others to suffer because of things that happened in the past.
He felt somewhat upset, that he had lain down something so troubling so as to feel the fading smile from Zack's face- perhaps he should not have brought it up, but the more he sensed it, the more Zack seemed to truly be affected by it. He wondered what the trouble was, as Zack didn't seem too open to telling it, but he figured, if he didn't-- there would be even lesser happiness later on.
He didn't want Zack to make the same mistake he just did and suffer greatly for it later. How he wished, since the day it occurred, that he had fought to protect a friend more thoroughly and properly than he had.
".. It matters if it steals your smile." he fanned his fingers out, tracing down a line to Zack's jaw, then giving his hand that was held a lighter squeeze. "Your happiness is a beautiful thing and while I do not aim to disturb it, Zack-san.. if your trouble is not shared with those who worry for you, then they will not be able to defend themselves from what you wish to protect them from.." he smiled weakly.
"Who.. or what.. has had you tensing so strongly?"
It was amazing, how much he seemed to be able to open up to people now that he came to the City. Sure, he was open enough, that much was true, but Zack was never opt towards telling people his problems. He always wanted to hear others tell him what was wrong with them so he could try and fix it in any way possible, or at least make them feel better if he could.
So Zack was becoming increasingly hesitant towards speaking once Ranmaru asked what was wrong. He told people, yeah, there were things wrong, but he never really explained it at all.
Maybe that was something he was scared of, amazingly enough. To tell people what was really, truly on his mind.
Like Cloud. He never told him when he was feeling off or down in the dumps, because who was he to get sad? Zack didn't like getting sad, and it was so rare and far and few in between that it almost made him wonder if he was even capable of being sad for more than a few minutes. But this city did a lot to him, although he wouldn't admit it aloud.
Eyes then closed and Zack allowed a soft smile to pass over his features, one hand squeezing Ranmaru's before he allowed himself to speak. "An old enemy showed up not too long ago. It's just--you know, I did realize it was a possibility that he could end up here and all, but at the same time I didn't expect Cloud to be here when it happened. And..." Laughing to himself, he shook his head a bit and his grin widened at his stupidity at that moment in time. "Well. It's just a difficult situation, Ran. Something I'd rather not go into, really."
Ranmaru was concerned, though. It was almost as if this had had a rather serious impact on Zack and if there was one person in this City who he'd rather see be as happy always and throughout, it was Zack. He wasn't really one to spill any of his emotions to others, keeping behind a face of perfection and on a whole, he really didn't want to bother anyone with things they couldn't handle or couldn't ever rectify (not that he was sure they could ever BE rectified) but, when he thought about it the fact that Zack was dead and Cloud was alive complicated certain matters. For starters, there was the fact that Cloud may have to leave some day and while he knew Zack lived for the moment, to have that happen to him that would make his eternity in suffering was something Ranmaru never wanted for him.
He wondered..
He trailed his hand over Zack's face, before letting it drop onto his shoulder and gave him a small dip of his head as a nod of understanding; that he needn't say any more if he didn't want to, that he simply understood. "I know it can be hard.. perhaps I am in an opposite siuation as yourself." he admitted, shyly at least. He knew if his Lords were ever to show up here, he'd never be able to face them out of guilt.
And that was something he did NOT want to face.
"Live for the moment of now and do not pay any heed to what this newcomer's presence may bring. To worry about the what may happens will only prolong a sense of suffering, and you do not need that." he spoke gently. Then, he let out a small chuckle. "Ne, Zack-san. If you ever get a chance to leave here with Cloud-san.. will you take that chance? If you could live..?"
Had Ranmaru not changed the subject so suddenly, Zack would've asked him more about what he meant. Opposite situation? Well. He had a faint idea of what he meant, but nonetheless he still wondered.
However, the topic that he hadn't really spoken to anyone else about came up, and Zack paused for a moment to look over Ranmaru carefully.
It wasn't like the thought hadn't passed over his mind several times already. In fact, ever since Cloud did come into the City, Zack had been researching like crazy to try and see if there were any ways he could get out and be alive and whole again. And as much as he wanted to say it was for himself, it wasn't. Cloud, he knew, was a bit homesick. And as much as the blond said "I like it here" and "I couldn't leave without you", sometimes Zack wondered if that was the case at all.
Was Cloud just guilty that he'd be leaving Zack behind? Maybe. And this troubled him to an extent, but as long as Cloud was happy then Zack was happy too.
Zack allowed a sort of nostalgic smile pass over his face as he nodded once, knowing even though Ranmaru couldn't see it that the action wouldn't go unnoticed. "I would take any chance I could get, Ranmaru. He likes it at home, and if it made him happy, I'd do it in a second." It was true, too. Whatever price he had to pay, as long as it didn't hurt Cloud in the process, he'd do it.
That made something click inside Ranmaru. Of course. He knew he was impaired now, but he began to think; Cloud and Zack had each other, and leaving, if such a thing was possible, could only happen for them if they were together. He couldn't begin to think of the agony that Cloud would feel seemingly so, at gaining a friend and losing him to the evil clutches of this city. Granted that escape wasn't guaranteed, but after seeing Zack's exuberance and joy, the boy's feelings were stirred.
After all, he had nothing to live for, really. If his Lords returned, they would be dead. If they came back either way, they could take their vengeance on Ranmaru- though he wished nothing but forgiveness for them and from them. He knew just what it was to lose a loved one to death, and he didn't want that for Zack. Just not for him.
Mentally stabbing himself for being so sacrificing, Ranmaru found himself smiling. "... I'd take such a chance too." not to go home, now his meaning had changed entirely. With these words, Ranmaru stood, letting go of Zack's hands and taking a step to the side to walk on to the side.
"Your happiness means much to me, Zack-san." turning his head slightly, eyes closed, Ranmaru bowed his head in acceptance. "For all that you are doing, I just want you to know, I will never forget any of it. But, never mind that." he had decided, and he let out a light chuckle.
"Tell me what to make for tonight so you can take home to Cloud-san and I can send some over to Kurogane-san and Fei Long-sama. I've been dawdling for too long." and a quick change of the subject, before Zack pried.
Yes.. treat things normally. Perhaps he could find the way Zack could not.
"Come on." With that, he began to plan out how he would go about this..
Perhaps.. in this.. I will find my penance and salvation.
Rating; G - FLUFF!
Characters; Zack [yourarmor], Mori Ranmaru [elegantorchid]
Summary; Ranmaru tries to adapt to life without his vision, and Zack encourages him along the way. However, the feeling of guilt of being a burden lingers.. and Ranmaru discovers what he can do to pay back the man who has been so kind to him..
Log;
It was difficult, at first. Once everyone had finally left him after he had assured them he would be well, Ranmaru discovered just how wrong his words would actually be. For starters, he had never really been in a situation like this before- never had himself impaired in any way-- granted, yes, he had hurt himself in battle often (it would be quite an embarrassment had he not) and harmed his limbs more times than he could count. But this was different. This was not only an impairment of the senses, but an impairment of something he hadn't actually ever given a second thought to losing. How he wished he had thought of this before- but he was no deity and he wasn't ever going to be able to predict just everything.
That, and he wouldn't have wanted people to see him in a pathetic state of re-learning how to do the things he normally did. Walking into the doors and walls he had just begun to become familiar with was an embarrassing process, he had to begin to count on his ears and hands a lot more than normal. He wondered how much of a mess his living quarters really was in.. and then, Zack had come in and assured him all was fine. Not only that he had helped him get back into the swing of things, aiding him without judgement as to what he should do, where was what, counting as much on Ranmaru's learning than making him feel dependant on him. And Ranmaru appreciated that more than words could express.
His eyes burned every time he tried to open them, even though he couldn't see regardless, so he kept them closed. While this limited a lot of things he could do, he supposed he'd have to eventually occupy his time; he didn't like sitting idle. So,he took to memorising the entire apartment, then took a bold step and tried to learn the city beyond his living space. It was difficult, yes. But no one ever said things like this would be easy.
Finally home after a while (and fortunately not running into anything, he'd been as careful as a shadow)- he settled down to comb his hair. He figured he might as well focus on himself as he learned more things, and as he fanned his hair out to it's full length, he briefly recalled something from his days.. the good days, as he now thought of them.
You're like a blossom, Ranmaru. You keep yourself sealed at your convenience, but with your hair like that, it is easy to see why others are so taken with you.
Lord Mitsuhide. Ranmaru smiled to himself and lowered his head, reaching for his hair comb and feeling for where the teeth were, beginning to comb through his scalp. 100 strokes..
Meanwhile, Zack was grinning like an idiot. Of course, this was his usual look, but today it held a rather big significance. Any other day he didn't have an excuse as to why he was idiotically prancing from his apartment building over to Ranmaru's, though right now he had a big reason. And he wanted to share it with the world.
But the world probably wasn't too interested, so he decided to brag to his friends about it. Ranmaru was one of the first people he wanted to speak to on the matter anyway, plus he needed to go check on him to make sure he hadn't run off and therein forget the way back to his place. Zack didn't doubt Ranmaru's judgment for a second, but heck, he was worried. Of course he would be wondering if he was alright or not. Besides, Zack was an over protective person at heart, so he blamed it on that and the fact that he was concerned over the other's safety.
Zack wouldn't belittle Ranmaru with those thoughts, though. Just him checking up on Ran should tell him enough that he simply cared and offered to help whenever he could.
For now, though? His main goal was to come over and shine his happiness on the younger one, sharing his good mood and all that jazz. So when he finally did make it to Ranmaru's place, Zack flung the door open happily and shouted inside, "Raaaanmaaaruuuu!" With a voice like Zack's, he was positive Ranmaru would hear him no matter where he was.
So with that he made himself at home, shutting the door behind him while literally doing this skip-run bit that he had been doing ever since he got up in the morning. Then again, the morning mainly consisted of clinging to Cloud, which this time he didn't get exasperated groans or him rolling his eyes at Zack. Was the complete opposite, actually.
"Guess what, guess what!" As enthusiastic as ever Zack poked his head into Ranmaru's room, positive he'd be there and not anywhere else in the apartment. But violet eyes stared at the form before him and he settled down a little, smiling happily while making his way over to where the other was combing his hair. "Oh, look at you. All nice and pretty, just like any other day!"
Yes, he'd heard him alright. And frozen in combing his hair, because that's how much of a shock it'd been. He then shrugged, and called back, "Yes, Zack-san~" it fet nice, and strange in a way. The only people he remotely recalled worrying for him had been his brothers, and how long had it been since he'd seen any of them? He continued running the comb through his long hair, unti he could make out the familiar heavy footsteps that symbolised Zack's entry into his room, and smirked a bit to himself. That Zack-san, something good must have happened today, hadn't it?
He couldn't see how he looked, but he supposed-- the moment Zack bounded in, and complimented him, he either did look very good, or Zack was in enough of a cheerful mood to call his shoes pretty as well. Which, knowing him, he probably would. Along with the painting of a dead cat that had flown into his room randomly (that had been rather strange, but he'd kept it regardless just so he could find who it's owner was- not much point in keeping it now that he couldn't see it.)
He turned in his seat, his hair open and falling to his sides, and trying his best to keep down a blush from forming on his cheeks, he then added, "I'm not pretty. I'm a male, and men aren't.." oh, there came the speech. He knew he was, and it embarrassed him, but what could he really do? He was supposed to be presentable in that manner, to look asy on the eyes and to know what his lords would like to see. And they appreciated beauty in the ways and forms that they would like to see it. Even if it was prettiness on a male.
But not here. He wondered idly if he should do something about his appearance, but after seeing the way people dressed here, he thought against it. Some were so strange and vulgar, that he decided he'd wait until he found something to his taste. Maybe Kurogane-san or Fei Long-sama could have some ideas on making him appear more masculine (he was rather fearful about asking Zack-san, considering he'd asked him to sew a female's robe for Cloud-san.. he wondered how Cloud-san had looked in it, regardless.) It must have been nice, as he was rather attra-- (ah. Cloud-san probably went through the same thing Ranmaru did, didn't he?) It was somewhat amusing, regardless, so..
Deciding to shift the subject quickly, Ranmaru placed the comb down and tilted his head, trying to follow Zack's breathing.
"Is everything alright? You sound exasperated." he told him, a half-smile on his lips. Extending a hand just lightly, he beckoned him closer, just so he would know where he was. It was the only way of knowing anyone was there and present with him.
Is everything alright, he said. Of course everything was alright! Everything was more than fine, actually, and Zack would make it known as best as he could.
Zack took Ranmaru's hand happily with two of his own and seated himself on the floor beside the other's seat, resting on his legs and heels while lightly bouncing on them as if he were a child ready to tell his greatest secret to his best friend.
"Well, not exasperated, just excited!" Violet eyes stared at Ranmaru for a moment, a big, wide grin still settled on his face for the time being. He knew even if the other couldn't see he'd be able to tell he was just a giddy as his face would show. But he didn't really have any time to waste. As much as he wanted to go visit people and just spread around his love, he liked it more when he was inside snuggling Cloud like he'd never be able to see him ever again.
And actually, Zack didn't know how to go about telling him this. Sure, he was a rather blunt person to begin with, but it wasn't like he was about to shout something vulgar. He'd only do that if he couldn't think of anything else to say, which was usually the case but with Ranmaru it was a little different.
"I got laid!"
Okay, scratch that. Being blunt was always his best bet, apparently. Though Zack said this with such sincerity that it sounded as if it were more than just him 'getting laid', which was true but Zack was always bad with words when it came to things that he couldn't explain.
He could feel the excitement all the way to here, not that Zack was very far away, but even so. His exuberance was nearly about contagious and Ranmaru couldn't help but crack a light smile at it. He listened carefully to when Zack knelt, trying to make out what he might be doing. There was some definite movement, yes, he was either settling, he was so excited he couldn't sit still.
So, to judge that, he extended his hand to touch Zack's cheek, and feeling the tensed cheeks only confirmed the fact that the man was grinning. Brightly, rather, and Ranmaru moved his hand back to press against one of which was holding his own.
The honest response he got, however, was something he actually was -not- expecting and the smile froze, before becoming an embarrassed little expression and Ranmaru felt his cheeks color brightly. Well, that.. wasn't really something he'd thought would be that exciting, but since Zack was so high about it, it obviously meant a lot to him. Ranmaru wasn't about to say he could relate, because he really couldn't-- such a thing had never been important to him, but when he thought about it? It was, in all likeliness, something that would be precious to Zack.
Which was why he then smiled, a little embarrassed smile, but one nonetheless, and pet his hand with a slight hint of affection. Had he been capable of opening his eyes, he may have even had some warmth in them.
"Congratulations." Ranmaru replied then, as graceful as ever. But, this was where an opportunity to reveal his more mischievous side came in, and his smile became a smirk.
"Cloud-san finally made you a man."
Ah, yes. Was Zack expecting him -not- to say something like that?
Zack blinked for a moment or two in some kind of surprise. But then? He busted up in laughter. Cloud. Make him a man. Oh boy.
"Ah, that would be the case, but let's turn that phrase around a little, eh?" Zack wasn't, and never had been since he was a teenager, a virgin. And it was funny to him that Ranmaru put it as blunt as he himself put his own words, so he chuckled lightly and shook his head. "But really, Ran? It's just. I just..."
Zack honestly couldn't put what he wanted to say into words. Any other time after he had sex, it wasn't like he went around spreading the word as loud and as clear as he could. But this was so very, very different. How long had it been since he tried to work up the courage to even say anything to Cloud about his feelings? And then everything, just in one night, kind of fell into place.
He was probably the happiest man alive right now, that's for certain.
The raven-haired one kept the grin on his face, but it turned into somewhat of an appreciative smile soon after. "I'm so happy." And that was all there was to it.
He had been teasing of course, so when Zack laughed, he knew that his mischief had been met. He gave Zack's hand another light pet, feeling the warmth radiate from him and just an all-out gentleness. He figured from Zack's attitude that the man was definitely not unexperienced in matters of pleasure, but if he'd read him correctly, then such a thing would be held back, never to be used on anyone until and unless he truly felt love for them. A romantic ideal, but when was that a bad thing?
He chuckled then a soft sound- he hadn't really ever felt the need to laugh or desire to, but it came so easily around the man he'd begun to regard as a sort-of brother. Perhaps there was guilt, perhaps sadness, but if there was, it never interfered with how he lived, how he was day by day.
"Why turn the words around? When the beast of desire inside you is tamed by the beauty of the one that is desired most?" he asked, rhetorically. Then, he moved his hand back up to Zack's cheek, giving it a light pat. "Your happiness is indeed contagious. I hope for his sake he was not worn out." he smiled. Then, in a softer voice, he added, "... I am glad things are going right for you, Zack-san. From what you have told me.. you deserve it." he dipped his head lightly. ".. you've been tense, though.. I felt it earlier. Has something been troubling you otherwise..?"
Zack didn't know why, but everything seemed too perfect to be true. And honestly, he had forgotten his and Cloud's little 'problem', among the other people connected to Sephiroth, as he had been too happy to even recall anything like that ever coming about.
And then his smiled flattered a little bit.
It was odd how much things like that effected him greater in the City than when he was back at home. Usually he'd still keep a big, bright 'ol smile on his face as best as he could, but now? Now things were different. Very different, especially since there were so many things in the way that contradicted one another.
Zack tried to pull the smile to full-force again, giving a small grin before speaking on a sort of softer, less happy note. "Well, yeah, but that doesn't matter right now." Actually, it did. He had been neglecting it for quite some time, and it was so odd that so many people picked up on him not being himself. It actually pleased him, especially since so many people offered to help. And while he promised them he would ask for help if things got out of hand, Zack really didn't want others to suffer because of things that happened in the past.
He felt somewhat upset, that he had lain down something so troubling so as to feel the fading smile from Zack's face- perhaps he should not have brought it up, but the more he sensed it, the more Zack seemed to truly be affected by it. He wondered what the trouble was, as Zack didn't seem too open to telling it, but he figured, if he didn't-- there would be even lesser happiness later on.
He didn't want Zack to make the same mistake he just did and suffer greatly for it later. How he wished, since the day it occurred, that he had fought to protect a friend more thoroughly and properly than he had.
".. It matters if it steals your smile." he fanned his fingers out, tracing down a line to Zack's jaw, then giving his hand that was held a lighter squeeze. "Your happiness is a beautiful thing and while I do not aim to disturb it, Zack-san.. if your trouble is not shared with those who worry for you, then they will not be able to defend themselves from what you wish to protect them from.." he smiled weakly.
"Who.. or what.. has had you tensing so strongly?"
It was amazing, how much he seemed to be able to open up to people now that he came to the City. Sure, he was open enough, that much was true, but Zack was never opt towards telling people his problems. He always wanted to hear others tell him what was wrong with them so he could try and fix it in any way possible, or at least make them feel better if he could.
So Zack was becoming increasingly hesitant towards speaking once Ranmaru asked what was wrong. He told people, yeah, there were things wrong, but he never really explained it at all.
Maybe that was something he was scared of, amazingly enough. To tell people what was really, truly on his mind.
Like Cloud. He never told him when he was feeling off or down in the dumps, because who was he to get sad? Zack didn't like getting sad, and it was so rare and far and few in between that it almost made him wonder if he was even capable of being sad for more than a few minutes. But this city did a lot to him, although he wouldn't admit it aloud.
Eyes then closed and Zack allowed a soft smile to pass over his features, one hand squeezing Ranmaru's before he allowed himself to speak. "An old enemy showed up not too long ago. It's just--you know, I did realize it was a possibility that he could end up here and all, but at the same time I didn't expect Cloud to be here when it happened. And..." Laughing to himself, he shook his head a bit and his grin widened at his stupidity at that moment in time. "Well. It's just a difficult situation, Ran. Something I'd rather not go into, really."
Ranmaru was concerned, though. It was almost as if this had had a rather serious impact on Zack and if there was one person in this City who he'd rather see be as happy always and throughout, it was Zack. He wasn't really one to spill any of his emotions to others, keeping behind a face of perfection and on a whole, he really didn't want to bother anyone with things they couldn't handle or couldn't ever rectify (not that he was sure they could ever BE rectified) but, when he thought about it the fact that Zack was dead and Cloud was alive complicated certain matters. For starters, there was the fact that Cloud may have to leave some day and while he knew Zack lived for the moment, to have that happen to him that would make his eternity in suffering was something Ranmaru never wanted for him.
He wondered..
He trailed his hand over Zack's face, before letting it drop onto his shoulder and gave him a small dip of his head as a nod of understanding; that he needn't say any more if he didn't want to, that he simply understood. "I know it can be hard.. perhaps I am in an opposite siuation as yourself." he admitted, shyly at least. He knew if his Lords were ever to show up here, he'd never be able to face them out of guilt.
And that was something he did NOT want to face.
"Live for the moment of now and do not pay any heed to what this newcomer's presence may bring. To worry about the what may happens will only prolong a sense of suffering, and you do not need that." he spoke gently. Then, he let out a small chuckle. "Ne, Zack-san. If you ever get a chance to leave here with Cloud-san.. will you take that chance? If you could live..?"
Had Ranmaru not changed the subject so suddenly, Zack would've asked him more about what he meant. Opposite situation? Well. He had a faint idea of what he meant, but nonetheless he still wondered.
However, the topic that he hadn't really spoken to anyone else about came up, and Zack paused for a moment to look over Ranmaru carefully.
It wasn't like the thought hadn't passed over his mind several times already. In fact, ever since Cloud did come into the City, Zack had been researching like crazy to try and see if there were any ways he could get out and be alive and whole again. And as much as he wanted to say it was for himself, it wasn't. Cloud, he knew, was a bit homesick. And as much as the blond said "I like it here" and "I couldn't leave without you", sometimes Zack wondered if that was the case at all.
Was Cloud just guilty that he'd be leaving Zack behind? Maybe. And this troubled him to an extent, but as long as Cloud was happy then Zack was happy too.
Zack allowed a sort of nostalgic smile pass over his face as he nodded once, knowing even though Ranmaru couldn't see it that the action wouldn't go unnoticed. "I would take any chance I could get, Ranmaru. He likes it at home, and if it made him happy, I'd do it in a second." It was true, too. Whatever price he had to pay, as long as it didn't hurt Cloud in the process, he'd do it.
That made something click inside Ranmaru. Of course. He knew he was impaired now, but he began to think; Cloud and Zack had each other, and leaving, if such a thing was possible, could only happen for them if they were together. He couldn't begin to think of the agony that Cloud would feel seemingly so, at gaining a friend and losing him to the evil clutches of this city. Granted that escape wasn't guaranteed, but after seeing Zack's exuberance and joy, the boy's feelings were stirred.
After all, he had nothing to live for, really. If his Lords returned, they would be dead. If they came back either way, they could take their vengeance on Ranmaru- though he wished nothing but forgiveness for them and from them. He knew just what it was to lose a loved one to death, and he didn't want that for Zack. Just not for him.
Mentally stabbing himself for being so sacrificing, Ranmaru found himself smiling. "... I'd take such a chance too." not to go home, now his meaning had changed entirely. With these words, Ranmaru stood, letting go of Zack's hands and taking a step to the side to walk on to the side.
"Your happiness means much to me, Zack-san." turning his head slightly, eyes closed, Ranmaru bowed his head in acceptance. "For all that you are doing, I just want you to know, I will never forget any of it. But, never mind that." he had decided, and he let out a light chuckle.
"Tell me what to make for tonight so you can take home to Cloud-san and I can send some over to Kurogane-san and Fei Long-sama. I've been dawdling for too long." and a quick change of the subject, before Zack pried.
Yes.. treat things normally. Perhaps he could find the way Zack could not.
"Come on." With that, he began to plan out how he would go about this..
Perhaps.. in this.. I will find my penance and salvation.