The tone argument

[tamago23]

There was a discussion earlier tonight on a friend's journal during which I called someone out on ableist language and asked them not to use a particular term. The called-out person apologized and said they'd keep it in mind. My friend expressed agreement but asked that I consider my tone - the whole honey vs vinegar thing

Comments

[birthingway]

I <3 that site. And, as someone who has been told to calm down, be quiet, etc., for much of my life--I hear you.

[miss_colombina]

True, it might be unfair that derailing tactics are used in this case, but I can guarantee you that if people are put on the defensive the conversation will be much shorter and/or dumber.

[miss_colombina]

I'm struggling at this moment with my communication with my brother, who is on the defensive ALL THE FREAKING TIME right now with everybody around him. *bash head on keyboard* .. everything I say needs to be written down beforehand and read by a few counsellors to make sure it doesn't insult him in any way. Gosh I hope he doesn't read this.

[rdi]

I took a lot at the discussion you referenced, and I gotta say I think celestialsoda could been a little more tactful. Jumping from racism to white supremacy in the course of two posts seems like the Godwin's of race discussion.

It didn't help that madlovescience interpreted questioning their assumptions to a personal attack, but celestialsoda's response to that
(telling them to "flounce off" instad of sticking to the point) didn't help.

I'd actually be interested in madlovescience's question because I'm pretty sure it ain't just white cultures that have the white = {purity, beauty, goodness}, black = {impurity, uglyness, badness} equation going on.

[goddessfrida]

I understand, I totally understand, saaaaay...asking a waitress nicely for something or snapping and saying "could you bring me the fucking ketchup I asked you for about 15 minutes ago?!". But when someone drops some ignorant ass shit, I don't always appreciate the fact that I have to put on my kid gloves to approach it. It's bullshit.
Your tone, your tone! :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D ;)

My tooooone. My tone? Fuck that shit! Your dumb ass mouth! Your fucked up ideas! Your tone of shitty ass ideas offended me, why should I have to proceed with my manners? As you've stated, there is a major difference between "You're a worthless waste of sperm and egg, you racist/sexist/homophobic/whatever piece of shit" and "That comment was absolutely racist" and anyone who can't see it, needs to step back and get some perspective.

*sigh*

[50_ft_queenie]

Actually, it's not that black and white and there are shades of grey.

Anger can be a useful mechanism for getting the attention of the person(s) you are trying to communicate with, when all other methods have failed. However, once you have that attention, you have to dial down the anger in order to engage in constructive dialogue.