[Fandom: Tokio Hotel] Sleeping with ghosts [PG15]
Title: Sleeping with ghosts
Pairing: None
Rating: PG15
Beta:
di_glossia(thank you, thank you, thank you!)
Genre: Drama, Hurt/Comfort
Warnings: Death
Disclamer: Tokio Hotel aren't mine.
Summary:
"Tom. Where is Tom?!"
His mother looked at him, perplexed and worried.
"Sweetheart, who is Tom?"
Sleeping with ghosts
CHAPTER 1
- Fears-
****
"Where is he?" he murmured, frightened. The machinery next to him seemed to have gone crazy.
His mother brought a hand to her mouth, scared. "Darling, I don’t know about what you’re talking about."
"I WANT TOM!" he howled with all the strength he had.
This was driving him insane. Why his mother didn't understand? And where was Tom? And why was she looking at him that way?
He saw his mother coming closer to the bed and push a button above his head. She seemed frightened to death.
God, what the fuck had happened?
And what did they want?
Tomi…
"Mrs., please come closer."
A man with a long white uniform let his mother come closer.
TOMI…
"What has happened to him?" she murmured through her tears.
"Don't worry. He’s shaking too much, he’s probably still confused. We’re going to sedate him now. You’ll see that he will be better when he wakes up…"
He saw a lady come closer to his bed. He saw her fumble a moment with his arm. And then he felt an annoying pinch.
"I DON'T WANT YOU TO DO THAT!" he screamed, his voice thunderous. The doctor turned and looked at him. His expression betrayed no emotion.
"Don’t worry."
Those words sounded distant. As if they had been barely whispered. He felt tired. So tired. Too tired. So tired that he only wanted to sleep.
But Tom had not shown up yet. And he wanted to see him.
He wanted to welcome him. And tell him that he was an idiot. Because he had made him scared to death. And he had let their mother worry…and…
An instant before closing the eyes, he imagined that he was there. At the feet of the bed. With his familiar cool expression on his face.
He imagined even his words.
"Don’t complain so much."
And his smile.
Tomi…
It was only a dream.
Tom was not there.
There was not.
*
Running fast. Running to Tomi.
"Tomi "
His brother's smile.
"Grab me!"
Running fast while the waves break on the sand. Running fast because the sand burns and hurts. And Tom runs faster.
And it is not really right. He wants to be the faster one.
"Tomi!!!"
Tom doesn't stop but he turns around. And Tom checks that he is always behind him. Because a good older brother always worries about his little brother. And Tom wants to be the best older brother of the world.
He sees his smile. And then he accelerates a bit. But only a bit.
And he runs even faster. Until his feet hurt because the sand burns so much.
But he doesn't complain.
He runs fast.
Running. Running too fast. Running fast and not being able to stop.
"Bill!"
Screaming.
*
Running fast. The wind against his face. And the sand burns. So much. Too much. But he keeps running without thinking. Tom is in front of him. He sees him. He feels him. And he’s running, too. And he laughs. The trill of his laugh resounds in his ears.
He feels good. And he runs. While the wind caresses his hair. While the sun bothers his eyes.
He runs. He runs fast and he doesn't stop. Tom is his finishing line.
Tom.
"You won't make it!"
A small pout. Childish pride. And then he runs faster. Because Tom won't make it easy to overtake him but he doesn't want to surrender.
And he runs.
And then he reaches out a hand. Almost there. His brother’s shoulder is right there. In front of him.
And then there is nothing.
A thud. Pain. And his eyes are full of sand and tears. And his mouth is filled with a bad taste.
Tomi…
He is there. He knows that he is there. He doesn't see him. But he feels him. His presence is always so clear. Obvious.
And then two strong arms lift him.
"Dad…"
And the childish pride goes away in front of the sure strength of his father. And the tears fall hard and fast. And he clutches his father’s neck tightly. At the same time he feels Tom’s little hand on his foot.
Tom is there.
"Nothing happened. Let’s clean you up…"
The warmth of his voice. And his tightening hold on him. And his mother that takes him to the deck-chair. Ready with water and a handkerchief. Only for him.
Tom looks at him, frightened. Because Tom wants to be a good brother. And he knows it. And he knows that now Tom feels guilty because he fell. And he feels raw.
It’s not fair that Tom is sad because he doesn't want that.
It’s not his fault.
It’s not his fault.
"Does it hurt?"
And he loses himself in a childish innocence under the weight of those words. Because there is so much affection and so much more in what is not said.
Smiling. Reassuring. Because no, it doesn't really hurt. It was only the fear. And it was only a scare. And the sand. And the sun. And the fall itself. But it is nothing serious.
It’s not his fault.
The coolness on the face. His mother's caresses. Because she is there. And he feels her so well. It’s a beautiful feeling. It’s the warmth in the heart.
But his eyes are only fixed on Tom.
He sees only him. Always.
Tom is there. He won’t abandon him.
He feels so good under all this affection. It’s wonderful being surrounded by mother and dad.
It’s wonderful having Tom by his side.
He feels so good with him.
*
Tomi…
“Do you know what loneliness is?”
“No.”
“It’s a bad thing. You miss something terribly and you feel bad because you’re not able to find it.”
“Well, we won’t ever suffer from it. We’ll be together always. What can we possibly miss?”
A laugh.
Tomi.
****
He stirred weakly in his sleep.
Tomi…
We will always be together…
Where are you?
Bill!
Where are you? Tom?
BILL!
His hand clenched the sheet tightly. He didn't acknowledge his mother’s worried face watching him.
Tom.
A blinding light.
Bill…
****
Bill…
Screaming out loud. Shouting without ceasing. Screaming. And slipping weakly into the darkness.
And grabbing on strongly. Because he doesn't want to let go.
He wants to keep going.
Do you know what loneliness is?
Yes.
We’ll be always together.
Yes.
BILL!
Tomi…
*
"Do you want to keep playing?"
And there is still some fear there. Because if he falls once, he can fall again. And Bill doesn't want to. He doesn't want to fall anymore. Because then Tom will worry about him.
Even if it’s not his fault.
"But no more running!"
Understanding him instantly. And knowing that Tom already knows everything. Tom is really smart. He’s a really good brother. The best brother.
"You want to see who can build the best sandcastle!"
Tom shakes his head.
"No."
Looking into each other’s eyes. Trying to understand. Looking in each other’s eyes for the words unspoken, the silent answers.
"Why?"
Astuteness. And a happy smile. And Tom's laugh.
Feeling so good.
Tom's laugh.
"Because I’d win!"
Becoming angry. His small hands balling into angry fists. Trying to seem cool. Trying to seem strong.
"It’s not true!"
And running again. And forgetting the fall. And the sand that burns. And the sun in his eyes.
Running to grab Tom, who always escapes too quickly. Running because he’s there in front of him and he wants only to catch up to him.
And laughing. And playing. Because it’s wonderful being there with his family. It’s wonderful being there with Tom.
*
"Do you know the best way to get over your fears?"
"No."
"Facing them."
****
Pairing: None
Rating: PG15
Beta:
di_glossia(thank you, thank you, thank you!)
Genre: Drama, Hurt/Comfort
Warnings: Death
Disclamer: Tokio Hotel aren't mine.
Summary:
"Tom. Where is Tom?!"
His mother looked at him, perplexed and worried.
"Sweetheart, who is Tom?"
Sleeping with ghosts
CHAPTER 1
- Fears-
****
"Where is he?" he murmured, frightened. The machinery next to him seemed to have gone crazy.
His mother brought a hand to her mouth, scared. "Darling, I don’t know about what you’re talking about."
"I WANT TOM!" he howled with all the strength he had.
This was driving him insane. Why his mother didn't understand? And where was Tom? And why was she looking at him that way?
He saw his mother coming closer to the bed and push a button above his head. She seemed frightened to death.
God, what the fuck had happened?
And what did they want?
Tomi…
"Mrs., please come closer."
A man with a long white uniform let his mother come closer.
TOMI…
"What has happened to him?" she murmured through her tears.
"Don't worry. He’s shaking too much, he’s probably still confused. We’re going to sedate him now. You’ll see that he will be better when he wakes up…"
He saw a lady come closer to his bed. He saw her fumble a moment with his arm. And then he felt an annoying pinch.
"I DON'T WANT YOU TO DO THAT!" he screamed, his voice thunderous. The doctor turned and looked at him. His expression betrayed no emotion.
"Don’t worry."
Those words sounded distant. As if they had been barely whispered. He felt tired. So tired. Too tired. So tired that he only wanted to sleep.
But Tom had not shown up yet. And he wanted to see him.
He wanted to welcome him. And tell him that he was an idiot. Because he had made him scared to death. And he had let their mother worry…and…
An instant before closing the eyes, he imagined that he was there. At the feet of the bed. With his familiar cool expression on his face.
He imagined even his words.
"Don’t complain so much."
And his smile.
Tomi…
It was only a dream.
Tom was not there.
There was not.
*
Running fast. Running to Tomi.
"Tomi "
His brother's smile.
"Grab me!"
Running fast while the waves break on the sand. Running fast because the sand burns and hurts. And Tom runs faster.
And it is not really right. He wants to be the faster one.
"Tomi!!!"
Tom doesn't stop but he turns around. And Tom checks that he is always behind him. Because a good older brother always worries about his little brother. And Tom wants to be the best older brother of the world.
He sees his smile. And then he accelerates a bit. But only a bit.
And he runs even faster. Until his feet hurt because the sand burns so much.
But he doesn't complain.
He runs fast.
Running. Running too fast. Running fast and not being able to stop.
"Bill!"
Screaming.
*
Running fast. The wind against his face. And the sand burns. So much. Too much. But he keeps running without thinking. Tom is in front of him. He sees him. He feels him. And he’s running, too. And he laughs. The trill of his laugh resounds in his ears.
He feels good. And he runs. While the wind caresses his hair. While the sun bothers his eyes.
He runs. He runs fast and he doesn't stop. Tom is his finishing line.
Tom.
"You won't make it!"
A small pout. Childish pride. And then he runs faster. Because Tom won't make it easy to overtake him but he doesn't want to surrender.
And he runs.
And then he reaches out a hand. Almost there. His brother’s shoulder is right there. In front of him.
And then there is nothing.
A thud. Pain. And his eyes are full of sand and tears. And his mouth is filled with a bad taste.
Tomi…
He is there. He knows that he is there. He doesn't see him. But he feels him. His presence is always so clear. Obvious.
And then two strong arms lift him.
"Dad…"
And the childish pride goes away in front of the sure strength of his father. And the tears fall hard and fast. And he clutches his father’s neck tightly. At the same time he feels Tom’s little hand on his foot.
Tom is there.
"Nothing happened. Let’s clean you up…"
The warmth of his voice. And his tightening hold on him. And his mother that takes him to the deck-chair. Ready with water and a handkerchief. Only for him.
Tom looks at him, frightened. Because Tom wants to be a good brother. And he knows it. And he knows that now Tom feels guilty because he fell. And he feels raw.
It’s not fair that Tom is sad because he doesn't want that.
It’s not his fault.
It’s not his fault.
"Does it hurt?"
And he loses himself in a childish innocence under the weight of those words. Because there is so much affection and so much more in what is not said.
Smiling. Reassuring. Because no, it doesn't really hurt. It was only the fear. And it was only a scare. And the sand. And the sun. And the fall itself. But it is nothing serious.
It’s not his fault.
The coolness on the face. His mother's caresses. Because she is there. And he feels her so well. It’s a beautiful feeling. It’s the warmth in the heart.
But his eyes are only fixed on Tom.
He sees only him. Always.
Tom is there. He won’t abandon him.
He feels so good under all this affection. It’s wonderful being surrounded by mother and dad.
It’s wonderful having Tom by his side.
He feels so good with him.
*
Tomi…
“Do you know what loneliness is?”
“No.”
“It’s a bad thing. You miss something terribly and you feel bad because you’re not able to find it.”
“Well, we won’t ever suffer from it. We’ll be together always. What can we possibly miss?”
A laugh.
Tomi.
****
He stirred weakly in his sleep.
Tomi…
We will always be together…
Where are you?
Bill!
Where are you? Tom?
BILL!
His hand clenched the sheet tightly. He didn't acknowledge his mother’s worried face watching him.
Tom.
A blinding light.
Bill…
****
Bill…
Screaming out loud. Shouting without ceasing. Screaming. And slipping weakly into the darkness.
And grabbing on strongly. Because he doesn't want to let go.
He wants to keep going.
Do you know what loneliness is?
Yes.
We’ll be always together.
Yes.
BILL!
Tomi…
*
"Do you want to keep playing?"
And there is still some fear there. Because if he falls once, he can fall again. And Bill doesn't want to. He doesn't want to fall anymore. Because then Tom will worry about him.
Even if it’s not his fault.
"But no more running!"
Understanding him instantly. And knowing that Tom already knows everything. Tom is really smart. He’s a really good brother. The best brother.
"You want to see who can build the best sandcastle!"
Tom shakes his head.
"No."
Looking into each other’s eyes. Trying to understand. Looking in each other’s eyes for the words unspoken, the silent answers.
"Why?"
Astuteness. And a happy smile. And Tom's laugh.
Feeling so good.
Tom's laugh.
"Because I’d win!"
Becoming angry. His small hands balling into angry fists. Trying to seem cool. Trying to seem strong.
"It’s not true!"
And running again. And forgetting the fall. And the sand that burns. And the sun in his eyes.
Running to grab Tom, who always escapes too quickly. Running because he’s there in front of him and he wants only to catch up to him.
And laughing. And playing. Because it’s wonderful being there with his family. It’s wonderful being there with Tom.
*
"Do you know the best way to get over your fears?"
"No."
"Facing them."
****