Think About it Christmas Party Day 1: The Movies of December
Ho ho ho and Merry Christmas, all, and welcome to the Think About It Central Christmas Party! Every weekday from now until the Big Day, we're going to have something different to help get you into the Christmas spirit, and today we're beginning with my monthly rundown of what movies are coming out this month. It’s only Dec. 1, but tons of us are already out there pounding the pavement, trying to get all your Christmas shopping done as early as possible. Wouldn’t it be nice to drop in to the nearby Cineplex and check out a flick to get away from the other shoppers?
This is the time of year where the studios push out all of their remaining good product, hoping to be fresh in the minds of Academy voters when the Oscars roll around. This doesn’t always mean the films in question will be worth watching, of course, but let’s take a shot, shall we? Here are our big films for the month…
Opening Dec. 2:
Aeon Flux. Charlize Theron (Monster) stars in this big-screen adaptation of the MTV cartoon about a freedom fighter in a distant future. The human race has been almost wiped out by disease. The only survivors live in a city ruled by a dictatorial scientist elite. And Aeon Flux is the assassin being sent to kill the ruler. This was an interesting choice to make it to the big screen - it was a bizarre cartoon, made even more bizarre by the fact that the main character was killed in almost every episode. Also, I’ve got to admit, I’m not 100 percent sold on the idea of Theron as an action star. I’m afraid she may fall victim to the "Halle Berry" syndrome - win an Oscar, make a series of crappy action movies. But Theron is a far superior actress to begin with - I’ll keep my fingers crossed.
Opening Dec. 9:
Brokeback Mountain. And thus the Oscar push begins. Jake Gyllenhall (Jarhead) and Heath Ledger (The Brothers Grimm) star in this western about a pair of cowboys whose brief romance defines their entire lives. The film also stars Michelle Williams (The Station Agent), Anne Hathaway (The Princess Diaries) and Randy Quaid (The Ice Harvest). This seems to be the sort of movie that exists to garner Oscar nods - whether or not it’s actually any good remains to be seen.
The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe. Based on the classic novel by C.S. Lewis, this film details the adventures of four children who find a portal to a magical world where a heroic lion leads an army against a wicked White Witch. Produced by the Walt Disney company, this film is a clear effort to launch a new fantasy franchise after the success of the Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter movies - not that there’s anything wrong with that. I was nervous about this film at first, worried that Disney wouldn’t have the proper respect for a series that was so deeply a Christian allegory, but a lot of family groups have some out in support of the film, allaying some of my fears. I’ll definitely see the movie - I’ve dearly loved the books for years -- I just hope I’m not disappointed.
Memoirs of a Geisha. Rob Marshall, director of Chicago, turns his skill to the classic novel by Arthur Golden. Ziyi Zhang (2046), Ken Watanabe (Batman Begins) and Michelle Yeoh (Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon) star in this film about a young woman sold into slavery who fights through the class system to become one of Japan’s most famous geishas. I don’t really know much about the book other than the fact that it’s pretty popular - built-in fan base and, most likely, an Oscar machine. Goodness, I’m getting cynical this year, aren’t I?
Syriana. George Clooney (Ocean’s 12), Matt Damon (The Brothers Grimm), Amanda Peet (Identity) and Alexander Siddig (Star Trek: Deep Space Nine) star in this Cold War drama about a struggle for control of oil reserves. Like a lot of these December releases, this is an Oscar grab, but unlike the others I’ve mentioned, it’s getting really mixed reviews. Clooney has gotten more and more political lately and, not coincidentally, more and more tiresome.
Opening Dec. 14:
King Kong. Director Peter Jackson follows up his Lord of the Rings trilogy with this new remake of the classic 1933 monster movie. Jack Black (School of Rock) plays a filmmaker who brings his crew, including Naomi Watts of I Heart Huckabees and Adrien Brody of The Jacket, to the mysterious Skull Island, home of a gargantuan creature called Kong (portrayed via motion capture by Andy Serkis, alias Gollum of the Lord of the Rings films). I don’t like remakes in general. But I love Peter Jackson, and I can’t think of a single filmmaker in the world I’d be more satisfied to see remake this legendary film.
Opening Dec. 16:
The Family Stone. In this Christmas film, Dermot Mulroney (The Wedding Date) brings home his uptight girlfriend (Sarah Jessica Parker of Sex and the City) to meet his family, who gives her a cold reception. The film also stars Craig T. Nelson (The Incredibles), Diane Keaton (First Wives Club), Rachel McAdams (Red Eye) and Claire Danes (Shopgirl). This looks like it may be a nice date film just before Christmas - not necessarily anything groundbreaking, but pleasant enough. Let’s face it guys, if you got your girl to see the giant monkey with you, it’s her turn to pick the movie.
The Producers. Only Mel Brooks could do it. He took his classic comedy, The Producers, turned it into a smash Broadway musical hit, and now he’s making that Broadway play into another movie. Directed by stage director Susan Stroman, this film stars the original Broadway stars Nathan Lane (The Man Who Came to Dinner) as crooked producer Max Bialystock and Matthew Broderick (The Stepford Wives) as the well-meaning Leo Bloom as they hatch a scheme to become millionaires by making the worst play in Broadway history. The film also stars Uma Thurman (Kill Bill) and Will Ferrel (Elf). I love the original film and I love the musical even more - and with Lane and Broderick as the stars, I almost believe Brooks can’t miss. Except perhaps for Kong, this is my most-anticipated film of the month.
The White Countess. Ralph Fiennes (Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire) and Natasha Richardson (Maid in Manhattan) star in this film about a blind ex-diplomat who befriends a former Russian countess who has been reduced to driving a taxi and prostitution to eke out a living. Christmas fun for the whole family. This could be a decent film, it’s got a really strong cast - but it may also be kind of a downer.
Opening Dec. 21:
Cheaper By the Dozen 2. Steve Martin, Bonnie Hunt, Piper Perabo, Tom Welling, Hillary Duff and a bunch of other kids you’ve probably never heard of reprise their roles from the 2003 comedy about a couple with way too many children. It was a cute movie but in no way demanded a sequel, I thought. On the other hand, I have to give them credit - they actually came up with a different plot rather than just remaking the first movie. This time out the Baker family winds up in a vacation-time feud with another family of eight, led by the usually-funny Eugene Levy (The Man). Who knows, it might not be that painful.
Fun With Dick and Jane. Jim Carrey (A Series of Unfortunate Events) and Tea Leoni (Spanglish) star in this movie about a well-to-do couple whose lives spiral into chaos and are forced to turn to crime. Yes, it is a comedy. It’s actually a remake of a 1977 film, but it does obey my personal edict in regards to remakes. If you’re going to remake a movie, don’t remake one that’s already great - remake one that nobody remembers anyway.
Opening Dec. 23:
Munich. Director Steven Spielberg (War of the Worlds) returns to a more serious film in this telling of the real-life hostage crisis during the 1972 Olympics. Eric Bana (Troy) and Geoffrey Rush (Pirates of the Carribean) star. The buzz is that this is Spielberg’s best movie since Schindler’s List, for which he won the Academy Award. Some are saying it just may be his year again. I know I’m anxious to see it.
The Matador. Pierce Brosnan (Laws of Attraction) and Greg Kinnear (Stuck on You) star in this film about a hit man who has a nervous breakdown and strikes up a friendship with an unsuspecting businessman. This thriller isn’t getting a lot of press yet, which may actually be a good thing.
The Ringer. Johnny Knoxville (Jackass) “stars” in this movie about a man who pretends to be disabled in order to enter the Special Olympics. This has to be hands-down the single most tasteless premise for a movie I have ever heard. I’ve never liked Knoxville. I hated Jackass and I have yet to see him turn in an entertaining performance in a movie as an actor. I would rather stick my feet in a wheat thresher one at a time than watch this movie.
Hoodwinked. In this bizarre computer animated retelling of Little Red Riding Hood, a sort of forest SWAT team investigates the attack on Granny (Glenn Close of The Stepford Wives) only to find a butt-kicking Red Riding Hood (Anne Hathaway, The Princess Diaries), a wise guy wolf (Patrick Warburton of Chicken Little) and a bumbling woodsman (James Belushi of According to Jim). You know what? This actually looks amusing. I wouldn’t mind seeing this at all.
Opening Dec. 25:
Casanova. Heath Ledger (The Brothers Grimm) stars in his second film of the month. This time in a comedy about the legendary lover Giacomo Casanova who embarks upon a quest to discover the true meaning of love after failing to win the affections of the woman of his dreams. I’ve seen a trailer for this and I’ve got to admit, it looks pretty good. Funny, romantic, without taking itself too seriously.
The New World. Colin Farrell (SWAT) and Christian Bale (Batman Begins) star in this new historical drama about John Smith and his expedition to the Americas. Terence Malick of The Thin Red Line writes and directs. I’m intrigued by this movie. Not dying to see it, but curious to see how the story is told.
Already Open:
Here’s a special bonus for you guys - a quick rundown of those Christmas movies already in theaters. Is there anything waiting down at the theater to get you into the mood? Let’s find out…
Just Friends. Ryan Reynolds (Waiting) and Amy Smart (Road Trip) star in this new Christmas themed romantic comedy. When a former high school schulb comes home for Christmas, he encounters the girl he’s always loved, but who always thought of him as “just a friend.” Now good-looking and successful, can he finally win her heart? I’m not really a big fan of Reynolds, to be honest, but this movie seems to have a lot more genuine heart than a lot of his movies. It may be worth watching.
The Ice Harvest. This unlikely Christmas film deals with a pair of crooks (John Cusack of Identity and Billy Bob Thornton of Bad Santa) plotting a Christmas heist against the leader of Kansas City’s mob, Randy Quaid (National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation). The film is directed by Harold Ramis, the man who brought us Caddyshack, Groundhog’s Day and the original National Lampoon’s Vacation. I’ll definitely give him a chance.
Legend of Frosty the Snowman. This isn’t one that you can find at your theater - it’s a new direct-to-video movie that just came out this year. Narrated by Burt Reynolds (The Longest Yard), the film follows Frosty as he comes back down from the North Pole to find a small town where children - and their parents - need to remember how to enjoy life. I’m typically skeptical about movies like this - the CGI Rudolph and the Island of Misfit Toys from a few years ago was terrible - but I’ve heard several reviewers compare this film to The Iron Giant, one of my all-time favorites, and that’s enough to get me curious.
Not enough for you, guys? Be sure to come back tomorrow for our next Christmas article, and on Dec. 6 check in for another movie column - my favorite classic Christmas movies.
Blake M. Petit will try to see at least a few of these films in a theater. If he has time. Contact him with comments, suggestions and a Frosty DVD at BlakePT@cox.net, visit him on the web at Evertime Realms and view the Evertime Realms Livejournal, blakemp .