Blake's September Movie Pre-Cap
Here it is, friends, September again. Schools are opening, pools are closing, here in Louisiana we've only got two more months of blisteringly hot temperatures. What a magical time of year. It's kind of a crummy time for movies, though. The summer blockbusters are all out, there are months to go before the Holiday releases... it's sort of a wasteland. Still, there must be something coming out in wide release in September worth watching, right? Right? Right?
Maybe.
As always, I get my release date information from Yahoo Movies, and dates are scheduled to change, so don't blame me.
Opening September 1:
Crank. Jason Statham (The Transporter) plays a hired killer who wants to quit the business and retire with his girlfriend, Eve (Amy Smart, Road Trip). Someone isn't so happy to see him leave, though, and he wakes up one day to find he's been poisoned. He now has only an hour to live, unless he keeps his adrenaline pumping. Now he's got to find and rescue Eve and avenge his own death in the short time before the poison finishes him off. Statham is carving out a niche for himself as an action hero, although the plot kind of sounds like Speed on foot. Still, it may be worth a rental down the line.
Crossover. Wesley Jonathan (What I Like About You) is an up-and-coming college basketball star, using his scholarship to pursue his dreams of becoming a doctor. But an unscrupulous agent (Wayne Brady, Who's Line is it Anyway?) is trying to lure him into the NBA. I'm a little skeptical of the casting -- a sports drama with Wayne Brady as the bad guy? -- but I've got to give writer/director Preston A. Whitmore II (Doing Hard Time) credit for finding a new angle to the sports movie. Almost every sports film is about winning the big game or making the big team -- a movie about someone resisting the spotlight may be a nice change of pace.
The Wicker Man. Nicolas Cage (World Trade Center) stars in the latest patently unnecessary 70s horror movie remake. When a young girl goes missing on a small, isolated island off the coast of Maine, Cage goes in to investigate, only to find the inhabitants of the island carry horrifying secrets of their own. Terrible things happen, people die and the audience realizes the original should have been left alone. Repeat. Also featuring Leelee Sobieski, Ellen Burstyn and Diane Delano, directed by Neil LaBute (The Shape of Things), who should have known better.
Opening September 8:
The Covenant. Hundreds of years ago, five New England families formed a pact of power -- but one family was driven off as their thirst for even more power grew too great. Now, the heirs of the four remaining families (all, coincidentally, teenage boys) must come together to stave off an ancient evil. The trailers for this look like your pretty standard supernatural thriller. It may be worth a rental or watching on cable, but I can't see myself going to the theaters just to catch this one.
Hollywoodland. Ben Affleck (Surviving Christmas) stars in the true, tragic story of George Reeves, the star of the 50s TV show The Adventures of Superman. Adrien Brody (King Kong) is a private detective hired by Reeves' mother to investigate her son's death and prove once and for all if it was a suicide or a murder. The film also features Diane Lane, Bob Hoskins and Robin Tunney. Affleck's star has been in freefall over the last few years, but he's getting a lot of good buzz for this movie. I just hope he has what it takes to do justice to one of the most intriguing unsolved mysteries in Hollywood history.
The Protector. Tony Jaa (The Bodyguard) stars in the latest Asian kung-fu import. In this film from Thailand, Jaa must travel to Australia to fight to save his stolen... um... elephant. Wow. The kung-fu elephant movie. I guess it had to happen sooner or later. Anyway, this may be a little too abstract for me.
Opening September 15:
The Black Dahlia. Based on the classic novel by James Ellroy and directed by Brian DePalma, this film follows two detectives (Josh Hartnett, Sin City, and Aaron Eckhart Thank You For Not Smoking) as they investigate the death of an up-and-coming Hollywood starlet in the 1940s. The film also stars Scarlett Johansson (Scoop), Hilary Swank (Million Dollar Baby) and Mia Kirshner (24). Like Hollywoodland, this movie is getting some very nice buzz. I'm just worried that the films may be hurt by the similar premise. Will audiences support two period Hollywood murder mysteries in as many weeks?
Everyone's Hero. The newest computer animated family offering features a young boy who -- faced with the choice of attempting to become a hero or a safe, ordinary life -- takes off on a cross-country journey. The film features the voices of Whoopi Goldberg, Brian Dennehy, William H. Macy, Rob Reiner and many more. Thing is, box office returns are starting to show something I've been feeling a long time -- people are getting burnt out on CGI movies. The only thing that makes this one stand out at all is that it was developed, before his death, by the late Christopher Reeve and features a voice performance by his late wife, Dana.
Gridiron Gang. Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson's latest film is about an officer and a juvenile detention camp who organizes a football team in the hopes of teaching his young charges some discipline. An okay premise, for what it is, but I greet it with a resounding "Meh." If I had seven hundred and fifty thousand dollars for every time I've enjoyed The Rock in a movie, I couldn't afford a cup of coffee.
The Last Kiss. Zach Braff (Garden State), Rachel Bilson (The OC), Blythe Danner (Meet the Fockers), Harold Ramis (Ghostbusters) and Tom Wilkinson (The Excorsism of Emily Rose) star in this generational "dramedy" about a group of people entering their 30s and coming to grips with their adulthood even as their parents face middle age. The cast of this movie is stellar, and since Garden State I'll see virtually anything Braff does. I'm eagerly awaiting this one.
Opening September 22:
All the King's Men. Sean Penn (The Interpreter), Jude Law (Lemony Snicket's a Series of Unfortunate Events), Kate Winslet (Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind), Patricia Clarkson (The Woods), James Gandolfini (The Sopranos), Mark Ruffalo (Rumor Has It) and Anthony Hopkins (The World's Fastest Indian) are the cast in this adaptation of the novel by Robert Penn Warren. Penn plays a Louisiana politician who comes to office full of ideals but who gets corrupted by the system. It'll be heavy-handed, no doubt, but I'll bet it gets weighed down at Award time.
Bandidas. Salma Hayek (Once Upon a Time in Mexico), Penelope Cruz (Sahara), Steve Zahn (also Sahara) and country singer Dwight Yoakim (Wedding Crashers) star in this comedy/western about a pair of gunslinging women who become bank robbers to protect their town from a ruthless enforcer. Hey, a girl power western! Bound to happen sooner or later.
Flyboys. James Franco (Spider-Man) is a member of the Lafayette Escadrille, a group of American fighter pilots who joined the French military in the days before the United States entered World War I. The film also features Jean Reno (The DaVinci Code) and Tyler Labine (Invasion). This one doesn't necessarily look like anything special, but it doesn't look too bad, either.
Jackass Number Two. Johnny Knoxville (The Ringer) is back with more of the idiotic schtick that made him famous for some unfathomable reason. I'd rather watch the movie with The Rock. I'd rather watch a movie where every role was played by The Rock.
Jet Li's Fearless. Jet Li (who saw that coming?) is the son of a great fighter who did not teach him to follow in his father's footsteps. But when he becomes a target for others, Li must teach himself to fight, and to become a master. Li does his action movies well, and this will be enjoyed by his fans, of which there are many.
Opening September 29:
The Guardian. Kevin Costner (Rumor Has It) plays a troubled Coast Guard officer who is sent to teach at an elite training school, where he meets a troubled young man (Ashton Kutcher, Guess Who) trying to measure up. These guys are troubled, basically. I'm not as violently opposed to Costner as some people, but I'm more violently opposed to Kutcher than most. I guess it balances out.
Open Season. Another CGI movie. Yay. Anyway, a 900-pound grizzly bear, voiced by Martin Lawrence (Bad Boys) is stranded in the woods days before hunting season. His only hope of survival is to befriend a goofy mule deer (Ashton Kutcher again) and rally the other animals into a fighting unit against the hunters. Man, I really hope the studios are just emptying out their inventory of CGI films, they all look exactly alike these days.
Maybe.
As always, I get my release date information from Yahoo Movies, and dates are scheduled to change, so don't blame me.
Opening September 1:
Crank. Jason Statham (The Transporter) plays a hired killer who wants to quit the business and retire with his girlfriend, Eve (Amy Smart, Road Trip). Someone isn't so happy to see him leave, though, and he wakes up one day to find he's been poisoned. He now has only an hour to live, unless he keeps his adrenaline pumping. Now he's got to find and rescue Eve and avenge his own death in the short time before the poison finishes him off. Statham is carving out a niche for himself as an action hero, although the plot kind of sounds like Speed on foot. Still, it may be worth a rental down the line.
Crossover. Wesley Jonathan (What I Like About You) is an up-and-coming college basketball star, using his scholarship to pursue his dreams of becoming a doctor. But an unscrupulous agent (Wayne Brady, Who's Line is it Anyway?) is trying to lure him into the NBA. I'm a little skeptical of the casting -- a sports drama with Wayne Brady as the bad guy? -- but I've got to give writer/director Preston A. Whitmore II (Doing Hard Time) credit for finding a new angle to the sports movie. Almost every sports film is about winning the big game or making the big team -- a movie about someone resisting the spotlight may be a nice change of pace.
The Wicker Man. Nicolas Cage (World Trade Center) stars in the latest patently unnecessary 70s horror movie remake. When a young girl goes missing on a small, isolated island off the coast of Maine, Cage goes in to investigate, only to find the inhabitants of the island carry horrifying secrets of their own. Terrible things happen, people die and the audience realizes the original should have been left alone. Repeat. Also featuring Leelee Sobieski, Ellen Burstyn and Diane Delano, directed by Neil LaBute (The Shape of Things), who should have known better.
Opening September 8:
The Covenant. Hundreds of years ago, five New England families formed a pact of power -- but one family was driven off as their thirst for even more power grew too great. Now, the heirs of the four remaining families (all, coincidentally, teenage boys) must come together to stave off an ancient evil. The trailers for this look like your pretty standard supernatural thriller. It may be worth a rental or watching on cable, but I can't see myself going to the theaters just to catch this one.
Hollywoodland. Ben Affleck (Surviving Christmas) stars in the true, tragic story of George Reeves, the star of the 50s TV show The Adventures of Superman. Adrien Brody (King Kong) is a private detective hired by Reeves' mother to investigate her son's death and prove once and for all if it was a suicide or a murder. The film also features Diane Lane, Bob Hoskins and Robin Tunney. Affleck's star has been in freefall over the last few years, but he's getting a lot of good buzz for this movie. I just hope he has what it takes to do justice to one of the most intriguing unsolved mysteries in Hollywood history.
The Protector. Tony Jaa (The Bodyguard) stars in the latest Asian kung-fu import. In this film from Thailand, Jaa must travel to Australia to fight to save his stolen... um... elephant. Wow. The kung-fu elephant movie. I guess it had to happen sooner or later. Anyway, this may be a little too abstract for me.
Opening September 15:
The Black Dahlia. Based on the classic novel by James Ellroy and directed by Brian DePalma, this film follows two detectives (Josh Hartnett, Sin City, and Aaron Eckhart Thank You For Not Smoking) as they investigate the death of an up-and-coming Hollywood starlet in the 1940s. The film also stars Scarlett Johansson (Scoop), Hilary Swank (Million Dollar Baby) and Mia Kirshner (24). Like Hollywoodland, this movie is getting some very nice buzz. I'm just worried that the films may be hurt by the similar premise. Will audiences support two period Hollywood murder mysteries in as many weeks?
Everyone's Hero. The newest computer animated family offering features a young boy who -- faced with the choice of attempting to become a hero or a safe, ordinary life -- takes off on a cross-country journey. The film features the voices of Whoopi Goldberg, Brian Dennehy, William H. Macy, Rob Reiner and many more. Thing is, box office returns are starting to show something I've been feeling a long time -- people are getting burnt out on CGI movies. The only thing that makes this one stand out at all is that it was developed, before his death, by the late Christopher Reeve and features a voice performance by his late wife, Dana.
Gridiron Gang. Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson's latest film is about an officer and a juvenile detention camp who organizes a football team in the hopes of teaching his young charges some discipline. An okay premise, for what it is, but I greet it with a resounding "Meh." If I had seven hundred and fifty thousand dollars for every time I've enjoyed The Rock in a movie, I couldn't afford a cup of coffee.
The Last Kiss. Zach Braff (Garden State), Rachel Bilson (The OC), Blythe Danner (Meet the Fockers), Harold Ramis (Ghostbusters) and Tom Wilkinson (The Excorsism of Emily Rose) star in this generational "dramedy" about a group of people entering their 30s and coming to grips with their adulthood even as their parents face middle age. The cast of this movie is stellar, and since Garden State I'll see virtually anything Braff does. I'm eagerly awaiting this one.
Opening September 22:
All the King's Men. Sean Penn (The Interpreter), Jude Law (Lemony Snicket's a Series of Unfortunate Events), Kate Winslet (Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind), Patricia Clarkson (The Woods), James Gandolfini (The Sopranos), Mark Ruffalo (Rumor Has It) and Anthony Hopkins (The World's Fastest Indian) are the cast in this adaptation of the novel by Robert Penn Warren. Penn plays a Louisiana politician who comes to office full of ideals but who gets corrupted by the system. It'll be heavy-handed, no doubt, but I'll bet it gets weighed down at Award time.
Bandidas. Salma Hayek (Once Upon a Time in Mexico), Penelope Cruz (Sahara), Steve Zahn (also Sahara) and country singer Dwight Yoakim (Wedding Crashers) star in this comedy/western about a pair of gunslinging women who become bank robbers to protect their town from a ruthless enforcer. Hey, a girl power western! Bound to happen sooner or later.
Flyboys. James Franco (Spider-Man) is a member of the Lafayette Escadrille, a group of American fighter pilots who joined the French military in the days before the United States entered World War I. The film also features Jean Reno (The DaVinci Code) and Tyler Labine (Invasion). This one doesn't necessarily look like anything special, but it doesn't look too bad, either.
Jackass Number Two. Johnny Knoxville (The Ringer) is back with more of the idiotic schtick that made him famous for some unfathomable reason. I'd rather watch the movie with The Rock. I'd rather watch a movie where every role was played by The Rock.
Jet Li's Fearless. Jet Li (who saw that coming?) is the son of a great fighter who did not teach him to follow in his father's footsteps. But when he becomes a target for others, Li must teach himself to fight, and to become a master. Li does his action movies well, and this will be enjoyed by his fans, of which there are many.
Opening September 29:
The Guardian. Kevin Costner (Rumor Has It) plays a troubled Coast Guard officer who is sent to teach at an elite training school, where he meets a troubled young man (Ashton Kutcher, Guess Who) trying to measure up. These guys are troubled, basically. I'm not as violently opposed to Costner as some people, but I'm more violently opposed to Kutcher than most. I guess it balances out.
Open Season. Another CGI movie. Yay. Anyway, a 900-pound grizzly bear, voiced by Martin Lawrence (Bad Boys) is stranded in the woods days before hunting season. His only hope of survival is to befriend a goofy mule deer (Ashton Kutcher again) and rally the other animals into a fighting unit against the hunters. Man, I really hope the studios are just emptying out their inventory of CGI films, they all look exactly alike these days.