the end
"i'm back, dad."
"i've been waiting."
nakaupo na ako sa aking sofa nang dumating ang aking anak. dalawampu't isang taong gulang na siya. kasing edad ko na.
"i am finally as old as you are."
"yes, you are. you grow up fast."
"heh. you think?"
"but let's set that aside a bit. what's up with you?"
"oh, you know. this and that."
"uhuh?"
"haha. i've been around. seeing the sights, testing the waters. same shit."
"where did you get that?"
"get what?"
"your adamant longing for knowledge."
"i thought i got it from you? you know a lot!"
"nah, not from me, man."
"well, mom then."
"yeah. your mom was a really smart woman."
"was?"
"oh, i guess it's okay to tell you then. she died, giving birth to you."
"what?!"
"i didn't want to burden you. i didn't want you to blame yourself."
"it was not my fault."
"no, of course not."
"then why didn't you tell me? you could have told me ages ago!"
"do you think you'll react the same way if i told you ten years ago?"
"yes!"
"no, son. that's just stupid. it's as if you did not learn anything."
"i learned a lot."
"well, put it into use then. don't blabber wrong things if you know what's the real deal. what's the use of knowledge if all you do is keep it in that brain of yours?"
"but..."
"well, i never took it against you. i swore to myself that you'll grow how i wanted you to."
"how old were you when she died?"
"21."
"hmmm.."
hindi kami umimik ng ilang minuto. alam kong kailangan niyo ito para mag-isip. para unawain ang mga bagay na biglaang sumabog sa harapan niya.
"you cried?"
"of course."
"did you love her? did you love mom?"
"with all my heart, son."
"hmm."
"she was beautiful. she was probably the most beautiful girl i've been with. she was funny too. you should have seen her smile. damn that smile."
"snap out of it, dad."
"sorry."
"she won't return, you know? no matter how much you think about it."
"yeah, i know."
"do you think about her?"
"all the fucking time."
"you're lucky, dad."
"lucky? to lose a loved one?"
"no, lucky that you are able to lose a loved one."
tumahimik nalang ako, at hinayaan ko siyang magpatuloy.
"i think that it's the good type of pain, you know? at least you know you're alive. at least you know your feelings are intact. at least you know that you are capable to love."
"yeah. i believe i wrote something about this a few months back."
"of course you have. haha."
tumawa kami sandali at naging seryoso na muli ang tono niya.
"so, is that what you wanted to tell me?"
"oh god, no."
"then what is it?"
"it's just that, love should not be limited just as an emotion."
"what does that mean?"
"oh, nothing, really."
naglakad ako papunta ng aking kama at humiga.
"that's it?"
"yes,"
"but..."
"you will understand. i'm sure you will."
"i've been waiting."
nakaupo na ako sa aking sofa nang dumating ang aking anak. dalawampu't isang taong gulang na siya. kasing edad ko na.
"i am finally as old as you are."
"yes, you are. you grow up fast."
"heh. you think?"
"but let's set that aside a bit. what's up with you?"
"oh, you know. this and that."
"uhuh?"
"haha. i've been around. seeing the sights, testing the waters. same shit."
"where did you get that?"
"get what?"
"your adamant longing for knowledge."
"i thought i got it from you? you know a lot!"
"nah, not from me, man."
"well, mom then."
"yeah. your mom was a really smart woman."
"was?"
"oh, i guess it's okay to tell you then. she died, giving birth to you."
"what?!"
"i didn't want to burden you. i didn't want you to blame yourself."
"it was not my fault."
"no, of course not."
"then why didn't you tell me? you could have told me ages ago!"
"do you think you'll react the same way if i told you ten years ago?"
"yes!"
"no, son. that's just stupid. it's as if you did not learn anything."
"i learned a lot."
"well, put it into use then. don't blabber wrong things if you know what's the real deal. what's the use of knowledge if all you do is keep it in that brain of yours?"
"but..."
"well, i never took it against you. i swore to myself that you'll grow how i wanted you to."
"how old were you when she died?"
"21."
"hmmm.."
hindi kami umimik ng ilang minuto. alam kong kailangan niyo ito para mag-isip. para unawain ang mga bagay na biglaang sumabog sa harapan niya.
"you cried?"
"of course."
"did you love her? did you love mom?"
"with all my heart, son."
"hmm."
"she was beautiful. she was probably the most beautiful girl i've been with. she was funny too. you should have seen her smile. damn that smile."
"snap out of it, dad."
"sorry."
"she won't return, you know? no matter how much you think about it."
"yeah, i know."
"do you think about her?"
"all the fucking time."
"you're lucky, dad."
"lucky? to lose a loved one?"
"no, lucky that you are able to lose a loved one."
tumahimik nalang ako, at hinayaan ko siyang magpatuloy.
"i think that it's the good type of pain, you know? at least you know you're alive. at least you know your feelings are intact. at least you know that you are capable to love."
"yeah. i believe i wrote something about this a few months back."
"of course you have. haha."
tumawa kami sandali at naging seryoso na muli ang tono niya.
"so, is that what you wanted to tell me?"
"oh god, no."
"then what is it?"
"it's just that, love should not be limited just as an emotion."
"what does that mean?"
"oh, nothing, really."
naglakad ako papunta ng aking kama at humiga.
"that's it?"
"yes,"
"but..."
"you will understand. i'm sure you will."