[NEWS] Mundane Affairs of Johnny's Corporation
Title: Mundane Affairs of Johnny's Corporation
Pairing: NEWS, with some RyoShige
Author:
misticloud
Rating: PG-13 (well I don’t know really. Implied sex, kissing? But all in the name of true love. Somewhat.)
Word count: 10,000+ (yes, crazy.)
Summary: Even the most popular Johnny bands have to return to the office now and then to clear their paperwork. It really doesn’t take much to imagine what happens when you put six not quite normal guys together in a confined space with a computer each, and a hell of a lot of emails.
Note: This is the result of working 10 hours a day in an office and being exposed to the crazy antics of an Amazing Boss, weird staff benefits, and email overload. Many thanks and love to
psyches_muse for giving me a lot of inspiration…plenty of the ideas in this story came from her ^^ I think that those who work would probably relate to this story more, but I hope everyone likes it anyway! Comments…would totally make life in the office more bearable for me ;) There are 3 parts to this story.
BEFORE LUNCH (read: the time when everyone does the most work)
8:30 ~ 9:30am
It was a perfectly fine mid-week morning, enhanced by perfumed fresh air, chirpy birds, and the haggard faces of commuters rushing to work. Trains were, as usual, filled to bursting with office ladies trying not to doze off on each other’s shoulders and lecherous old men with groping hands.
Yamapi, being a privileged car owner, managed to avoid all the exhilarating morning sights by taking the expressway to the Jimusho. As he drove his way casually down to the car park and chose the parking lot nearest the entrance, he made a firm resolution that he would get everything done today. Only once a fortnight was NEWS scheduled to clear up all outstanding paperwork, and Yamapi was determined that he would let nothing…nothing…disturb him from finishing up all his work.
Still, despite the well-meaning resolutions, Yamapi was a little less than fully awake when he strolled into the building, hiding a yawn behind his hand. It wasn’t his fault that he was sleepy, no way no how, it was the higher-ups’ fault for making him hang around a pub with Jin all night dressed in conspicuous caps and big sunglasses waiting for the scheduled paparazzi to arrive and take a nice glamourous shot. Yamapi comforted himself a little that he’d been able to down a couple of beers before they’d been sent to the entrance to hang around and look good.
As he walked past the male toilet, he distinctly heard a muffled sound emerging from it. Hearing sounds emerging from toilets was normal; water gushing from a tap, the hand dryer blowing away, someone tearing off a piece from the toilet roll - but this suspiciously groan-like sound was not normal. Since he was in danger of being five minutes early for work, he decided to investigate.
A quick peek into the toilet brought to view half of Ryo, leaning against the wall with his back arched and his eyes closed. His lips were slightly parted and, as Yamapi watched, a little moan escaped from between them.
“Ryo-chan, again…?” Yamapi protested.
Ryo cracked open an eyelid and glanced round. “Get lost,” he managed to say before groaning again.
Yamapi left, partly because he didn’t want to be around when the sounds got any more obscene, but mostly because he knew that Ryo would maim him if he stayed.
In a minute, someone hit him hard on the shoulder and he jumped to see Tegoshi bouncing happily beside him. “OH-HA-YOU YAMASHITA-KUN! DID YOU SLEEP WELL?!”
“Uhhhh,” Yamapi answered, too blinded by the brilliance of Tegoshi’s bright eyes to formulate a proper answer.
Then an arm was slung across his shoulders. “Yamapi! Good morning!”
“Morning,” he replied, slightly more comforted by Koyama’s friendly grin. Tegoshi, he decided, was obscene in the early morning…way and above and undeniably and indisputably more obscene than Ryo-chan in the toilet.
Koyama and Tegoshi immediately launched into a chatter about some TV programme they’d watched last night that involved a dog, a hat, and a girl with big boobs, and as neither of them relinquished hold on Yamapi, the three of them barrelled through the office doors in one big mostly-happy bunch.
Massu rose from his seat to greet them cheerfully, one bun in his hand and half a biscuit in his mouth. “MORNING EVERYONE!”
This time, Yamapi was pretty sure that his vision blanked out for a moment from Massu’s dazzling grin.
“MORNING MASSU!” Tegoshi responded, waving eagerly as though he hadn’t seen Massu for about a decade.
Yamapi extracted himself from his members’ grasp and made his way to his desk, flopping down onto his seat. “What’s this?” he asked, spying a Styrofoam cup on his desk covered by tissue paper.
“I made coffee for everyone!” Massu announced. Sure enough, there were tissue-paper-covered Styrofoam cups on everyone’s desk.
Yamapi smiled and felt that obscene though they were, they could be ridiculously adorable at the same time.
“Ne, ne, which other groups are scheduled to be in today?” Massu asked.
“I think KAT-TUN was here yesterday,” Koyama said.
Tegoshi clapped a hand over his mouth. “Oh no! I haven’t cleared my inbox from last time! I hope Akanishi-kun didn’t max it!”
Everyone took the cue and immediately dived to switch on their computers.
Koyama stood up and took a look around the office; Yamapi sipping at his coffee, Massu dropping crumbs on his desk, Tegoshi frantically keying in his password, and two very noticeably empty desks. “Ne,” he said. “Where are Shige and Ryo-chan? Didn’t HR recently impose penalties for lateness?”
“Oh no, they are here already,” said Tegoshi, eyes on computer screen.
Yamapi peeked at Tegoshi over his monitor, but Tegoshi was serene.
“Here already? But why aren’t they here?” Koyama persisted, after a glance at his watch showed 8:36am.
“Didn’t Ryo-chan just return from Osaka last night?” Yamapi ventured.
Massu’s head immediately snapped up. “Ah, poor Nishikido-kun must be so tired!”
A suspiciously snicker-like sound came from Tegoshi.
Just then the door swung open and Shige walked in hurriedly. Koyama fairly pounced on him. “Shige! You’re late! Don’t you know that you get 500yen deducted for every two minutes? And…your tie is crooked!”
Shige looked down and quickly adjusted his tie, a slight flush spreading over his cheeks. “It’s okay, I clocked in at 8:15.”
Koyama stared at him. “Then where were you?”
“Uh.” Shige looked around for inspiration and his eyes settled on Massu. “Having breakfast.”
“You could’ve called me to have breakfast with you.” Koyama’s mouth drooped a little.
Yamapi caught Tegoshi’s eye and both of them tried not to choke.
Shige patted Koyama’s shoulder. “Maybe next time.” He walked over to his desk and turned on the computer.
A bare minute later, the door swung open again and Ryo walked in. “Shige!” he shouted almost at once. “Your tie’s messed up!”
“Nishikido-kun…” Tegoshi said. “He fixed it thirty seconds ago, don’t worry.”
Ryo looked up and held Shige’s gaze for a beat. “Ah, no problems then,” he said.
Yamapi shook his head imperceptibly and launched Outlook.
Inbox (54)
“Akanishi-kun has maxed my inbox!” Tegoshi wailed.
His cry was immediately taken up by Massu. “MINE TOO!”
“What’s that idiot on about?” Ryo muttered.
Yamapi concentrated on his emails.
-----
To: Tomohisa Yamashita , Ryo Nishikido , Keiichiro Koyama, Shigeaki Kato , Yuya Tegoshi , Takahisa Masuda
CC: johnny@johnnys.jp, mary@johnnys.jp
From: Director of Public Relations
Subject: Myojo June 08 questions
Attachment: myojo_june_questions.doc
Dear All,
Please refer to the attached interview questions from Myojo for the month of June 2008. The theme is ‘Summer Holiday’. Kindly answer all questions (max. 250 words for each) and revert by end of today as we need to vet and approve by Friday.
Thank you for your co-operation.
Regards.
-----
-----
To: NEWS members, Kanjani8 members, HeySayJump members, TakkiTsubasa
From: Jin Akanishi
Subject: FW: This is very funny
This is so funny!!!
Love, Jin
-------Forwarded message-------
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: Because it didn’t want to stay on the other side.
>>>>>Forward this to 20 people and RECEIVE GOOD LUCK!!
-----
-----
To: Ryo Nishikido, Yuya Tegoshi, Takahisa Masuda, Shigeaki Kato, Keiichiro Koyama, Tomohisa Yamashita
CC: hr.executive@johnnys.jp
From: Yuta
Subject: 21 June Dance Rehearsal @ Lavender Room
Hey guys!
Just a reminder that the first dance rehearsal for the new single will be held on June 21, 2pm, at Lavender Room. Remember to bring along towels! If you don’t have new ones, requisite them from Laundry. Massu, try not to bring more than two bentos to practice since we’ll only be having one break time. Look forward to seeing you there then!
Cheers,
Yuta
Dance Choreographer
-----
-----
To: Yuya Tegoshi, Takahisa Masuda, Shigeaki Kato, Tomohisa Yamashita, Ryo Nishikido, Keiichiro Koyama
CC: Jin Akanishi , johnny@johnnys.jp
From: Kazuya Kamenashi
Subject: Towel at NEWS dressing room
Hi.
Would like to check if anyone knows what happened to my towel that I left at the NEWS dressing room last Wed. Pls get back to me asap, thanks.
Kamenashi
-----
-----
To: Kazuya Kamenashi
CC: Yuya Tegoshi, Takahisa Masuda, Shigeaki Kato, Tomohisa Yamashita, Ryo Nishikido, Keiichiro Koyama
BCC: Jin Akanishi
From: johnny@johnnys.jp
Subject: RE: Towel at NEWS dressing room
Stern reminder not to lose company provided accessories such as towels.
In the event that such a thing happens, report the incident to Laundry or you will be held accountable.
Have a good day.
Signing off,
World’s Greatest Johnny
-----
-----
To: Johnny Corporation Email Users
From: Director of Human Resources
Subject: Free passes to the Zoo
Dear All,
The staff benefits have been reviewed and we are pleased to announce that a new benefit has been added. There will be eight zoo passes available every week. Staff members are allowed to book tickets for relatives and friends as well.
Do place your bookings early!
Regards.
-----
-----
To: NEWS members, Kanjani8 members, HeySayJump members, TakkiTsubasa
From: Jin Akanishi
Subject: FW: A FAVOUR TO ASK
Hi my friends:
A favor to ask, it only takes a minute....
Please tell ten friends to tell ten today! The Breast Cancer site is having trouble getting enough people to click on their site daily to meet their quota of donating at least one free mammogram a day to an underprivileged woman. It takes less than a minute to go to their site and click on 'donating a mammogram' for free (pink window in the middle).
This doesn't cost you a thing. Their corporate sponsors/advertisers use the number of daily visits to donate mammogram in exchange for advertising.
Here's the web site! Pass it along to people you know.
http://www.thebreastcancersite.com/
AGAIN, PLEASE TELL 10 FRIENDS TO TELL 10 TODAY
Love,
Jin
-----
-----
To: Tomohisa Yamashita, Yuya Tegoshi, Takahisa Masuda, Ryo Nishikido, Shigeaki Kato, Keiichiro Koyama
CC: Yuta, johnny@johnnys.jp, mary@johnnys.jp
From: NEWS manager
Subject: Sendai stage layout
Attachment: sendai_stage_layout.ppt
Dear All,
For your reference, attached is the stage layout for the upcoming Sendai concert.
Would be appreciated if you could familiarise yourself with it before the concert day as that will minimise disruptions and time wastage.
Thanks.
Regards.
-----
-----
To: NEWS members, Kanjani8 members, HeySayJump members, TakkiTsubasa
From: Jin Akanishi
Subject: FW: It really works!!!
>>>>user posted image
>>>>>>Forward this
>>>>>>to 10 people by today
>>>>>>or you will die at midnight
>>>but if you forward
>>>>>your crush will call you in 10 mins
>>>NO JOKES!! IT REALLY WORKS!!
Sorry guys. I don’t want to die at midnight @_@
Love,
Jin
-----
-----
To: Tomohisa Yamashita, Yuya Tegoshi, Takahisa Masuda, Ryo Nishikido, Shigeaki Kato, Keiichiro Koyama
From: Director of Human Resources
Subject: Annual Leave balance
Dear All,
Please check your annual leave balance and submit applications via E-leave system by this Friday for approval.
Regards.
-----
Yamapi could hear Shige’s head bashing onto the desk.
Beside him, Koyama began to hum ‘weeeek’ distractedly.
They all got to work (and deleting Jin’s emails).
9:30 ~ 10:30am
-----
To: Kazuya Kamenashi
CC: Yuya Tegoshi, Takahisa Masuda, Shigeaki Kato, Tomohisa Yamashita, Ryo Nishikido
BCC: Jin Akanishi
From: Keiichiro Koyama
Subject: Re: RE: Towel at NEWS dressing room
I’m sorry Kame! I took it! I’ll return it shortly!
Kei
-----
Ryo threw a stack of tickets across his desk and groaned loudly, attracting the attention of everyone in the office. “DAMN shinkansen claims,” he complained. “Tokyo to Osaka, Osaka to Tokyo, about ten times for each journey, why can’t they come up with a better system already so that I don’t have to spend hours on this?!”
“Well,” said Shige carefully, “it’s because you’re the only one in this company who has the problem of too many shinkansen claims.”
Ryo glared at him.
Tegoshi, who had been staring very hard and closely at his computer screen, suddenly perked up. “Ne, I need everybody’s help!” he chirped.
Koyama cheered up at the sound of the word ‘help’. “Yes, anything, Tego-nyan!”
“I want to clear my annual leave…” Tegoshi wandered over to the cabinet and picked up the calendar, flipping through it. “I’m thinking of taking two days…so when should I…?”
Koyama joined him and they looked through the calendar together.
Yamapi suddenly yelped. “My comp went off!”
“Eh?” Shige said, a little distracted by a new email notification flashing on the corner of his screen.
-----
To: Shigeaki Kato
From: Ryo Nishikido
Subject:
I want you.
-----
“It went off!” Yamapi insisted.
“So turn it back on,” Ryo growled.
-----
To: Ryo Nishikido
From: Shigeaki Kato
Subject: RE:
Don’t think dirty thoughts during work.
-----
Yamapi pressed the button. “It’s not coming on!”
“Leave it for about thirty seconds and try again,” Shige advised.
“The computer is just revolting against you,” said Ryo.
“But I haven’t done anything to it!” Yamapi protested.
“…weekend and then public holiday,” Tegoshi was saying to Koyama.
-----
To: Shigeaki Kato
From: Ryo Nishikido
Subject: RE: Re:
Can’t help it. You looked absolutely @#$% hot this morning. It’s not my fault if I can’t stop thinking about it.
-----
From where he sat, Ryo enjoyed the sight of Shige’s ears turning red. He thought of Shige on his knees that morning, and his fists clenched a little.
“My screen has turned blue!” Yamapi wailed.
“Switch the main power off and turn it on again,” Shige said, but made no move to help Yamapi out even though he was clearly useless at managing his computer.
“Do you think I have a…a germ?” Yamapi asked.
“We’re all covered in germs,” Shige said.
“No, no, the thing that…eats up files,” Yamapi clarified.
“You mean virus.”
“Yes! Do you think I have a virus?”
Shige looked directly at Yamapi, who looked back at him helplessly. “Yamashita-kun…”
“Yes.”
“Just turn off the power switch. We’ll figure out the virus problem later.”
“Where’s the switch?”
-----
To: Ryo Nishikido
From: Shigeaki Kato
Subject: RE: Re: Re:
What are you getting so impatient for? There’s all of tonight.
BTW since you’re sitting beside Y, can you just locate and turn off the switch for him since he’s like completely cutely clueless.
-----
“Pi, you’re a nuisance,” said Ryo.
Yamapi looked hurt. “I’m sorry. I don’t deal much with computers.”
“Nor power switches, apparently,” Ryo muttered, tapping away at his keyboard.
-----
To: Shigeaki Kato
From: Ryo Nishikido
Subject: RE: Re: Re: Re:
Call him cute again and I’ll show you what’s cute. Not. Allowed. To. Use. That. Word. On. Anyone.
And stop swiping your hair back. It’s getting me all hot and bothered.
Y can locate that switch himself.
-----
“My comp’s working again!” Yamapi announced happily. “It’s fine now!”
Shige coughed. “Great. Er, maybe before the end of today you might want to give I.T. a call to come check up on the computer in case you come back two weeks later and find that it doesn’t start up at all.”
Yamapi looked very alarmed. “Why do computers give so many problems?”
“Because the users are problematic,” Ryo said.
-----
To: Ryo Nishikido
From: Shigeaki Kato
Subject: RE: Re: Re: Re: Re:
I think I have better ways of making you hot and bothered than simply swiping my hair, so forget about it.
Y needs some computer skills. Should submit suggestion to HR to send him for on-course training.
-----
“Four days off,” Tegoshi said.
“There’s no other chance until September,” said Koyama.
“I will never understand computers,” sighed Yamapi.
-----
To: Shigeaki Kato
From: Ryo Nishikido
Subject: RE: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:
DON’T BE A TEASE.
Let’s get out of here now.
-----
“I’ve decided,” Tegoshi announced. “There’s no other public holiday till July, and that’s Marine Day. See, it falls on a Monday, so if I take Thursday and Friday, I’ll have five days off in a row.”
Ryo, who’d been halfway out of his seat, suddenly looked up. “THAT’S MY SLOT. GO AWAY.”
Tegoshi and Koyama stared.
“Nishikido-kun wants to take Thursday and Friday off too?” Tegoshi suddenly looked very wistful.
“Wednesday. Thursday. Friday.” Ryo tapped his finger after every day mentioned. “It’s been planned for ages, Tegoshi. You can’t mess up my schedule.”
Tegoshi stuck out his bottom lip and looked sad.
Shige sighed, got up, went to the cabinet, and came back with a small whiteboard. He drew up a quick table of all their names, and included the dates of the 2008 public holidays on the top right-hand corner. As a finishing touch, he wrote across the top, ‘Annual Leave Chart for NEWS’. “We book our annual leave days here.” He tapped on Tegoshi’s name. “Nishikido-kun takes Wednesday to Friday. Tegoshi takes Tuesday and Wednesday of the following week. Problem solved.”
“Shige, you’re so smart!” Tegoshi crowed.
“…” said Shige.
Massu rushed at the board and wrote, in big letters, ’16, 18 AND 22 SEPT 2008’. “Those are my annual leave days!” he said happily. “The September public holidays are mine!”
There was a short pause.
“That’s what I call advanced planning,” said Yamapi.
Massu beamed at the compliment.
10:30 ~ 11:30am
“I’m hungry,” said Massu.
Nobody really took any notice. Massu being hungry did not carry much significance.
Tegoshi turned up the volume of his online radio. “I like this song!”
Shige, buried under stacks of money claims, did not respond. Koyama flashed Tegoshi a smile, but he too was concerned with the requisition of office stationery (because nobody else but Koyama wanted to do such a boring job). Yamapi was busily typing out his interview answers with two fingers. Ryo was taking a power nap.
“Where shall we go for lunch today?” Massu asked.
“There’s only the canteen, isn’t there,” Shige said, scribbling out a claim for hair gel.
“Does anyone need more hole punchers?” Koyama asked.
Massu sighed, then brightened. “I’m going down to the vending machine!” He vanished.
“How about staplers?” Koyama asked.
-----
To: Takahisa Masuda
CC: Ryo Nishikido, Tomohisa Yamashita, Keiichiro Koyama, Shigeaki Kato, Yuya Tegoshi
BCC: johnny@johnny.jp, mary@johnny.jp
From: Director of HR
Subject: Changing of hairstyle
Attachment: hairstyles.ppt
Dear Masuda-san,
According to our records, it is time for you to change your hairstyle.
Please refer to attached document for the catalogue of approved hairstyles and get back to us about which style you prefer most. We will then action accordingly.
Thank you!
Regards
-----
Shige glanced at his computer screen and pressed the flickering yellow light of the office web messenger.
Koyama says:
How much do u wanna bet that Massu agrees to change his hairstyle?
Kato says:
I don’t want to bet. He won’t change it.
Koyama says:
Imagine if he gets a Mohawk like u
Kato says:
Massu the punk?
Koyama says:
Hahahahahaha XD
I’ll pay big bucks to see that ^_^
Kato says:
So will I.
Koyama says:
What time d’u wanna go for lunch?
Kato says:
Around noon? Once I get all this done so that I can clear my head.
Koyama says:
OK.
Wanna go to the zoo this weekend?
Kato says:
Okay. Don’t really like the zoo though.
Koyama says:
It’s free.
Go book the passes at HR ok?
Kato says:
Yeah, I’ll go there during lunch.
Koyama says:
We’re going on a date to the zoo!!!!
Kato says:
Hurray for hobnobbing with kangaroos and lions!
Koyama says:
Shige it’s going to be romantic!!!
11:30am ~ 12:30pm
Massu’s face dropped when he returned from a long stint at the vending machine and saw the email from HR. “Why do I have to change my hairstyle?” he appealed to the world at large.
“Maybe you might want to, just to change your image,” Yamapi said.
Koyama looked up from his frantic IM-ing with Shige. “I like Massu just the way he is!”
“Don’t you!” Massu smiled, and looked towards Tegoshi for more support. But Tegoshi was staring at his computer screen and making weird giggly noises, so he shifted gaze to Shige. Shige was typing away, oblivious to the world and Massu’s distress. As a last resort, Massu glanced warily at Ryo, but Ryo had his headphones on and was bobbing to the music.
Still, one out of five had expressed his support of Massu’s hair, so Massu was satisfied.
-----
To: Director of HR
CC: Ryo Nishikido, Tomohisa Yamashita, Keiichiro Koyama, Shigeaki Kato, Yuya Tegoshi
BCC: johnny@johnny.jp, mary@johnny.jp
From: Takahisa Masuda
Subject: RE: Changing of hairstyle
Thank you for your concern!
I like my hairstyle the way it is!
Masuda
-----
“Sometimes,” said Shige out loud, “people really don’t get hints even when they’re shoved in their faces.”
Tegoshi rubbed his nose thoughtfully. “I think that Massu should try dying his hair pink.”
Both Shige and Koyama stared at him.
“Where in the world did that come from?” Shige asked.
Tegoshi grinned mysteriously and ducked his head. Within seconds he was back to gaping at his computer screen and all efforts of interrogation were over.
“I don’t want to dye my hair pink,” said Massu, looking vaguely alarmed at that idea.
Koyama reached over and patted his arm. “You won’t. Don’t worry about it, ne? You look fine the way you are. You wouldn’t be Massu if you had pink hair.”
Just then an email notification popped up on all their screens, effectively undoing all of Koyama’s good work in one precise, well-directed blow.
-----
To: Takahisa Masuda
CC: Director of HR, Tomohisa Yamashita, Keiichiro Koyama, Shigeaki Kato, Yuya Tegoshi
BCC: johnny@johnny.jp, mary@johnny.jp
From: Ryo Nishikido
Subject: RE: Re: Changing of hairstyle
MASSU CUT YOUR HAIR IT’S FUGLY.
-----
There was a moment when everyone went still.
Then Massu’s lip wibbled and Shige decided on the spot that it was time to have lunch, even though he wasn’t remotely hungry yet. “Come on, Massu,” he said, “let’s go down to the canteen.”
Ryo’s head snapped up and he stared at Shige. “Wait, you’re going to have lunch now?”
Shige wasn’t happy with him. “Yes. And you’re not invited.”
He carried Massu off, leaving Ryo gaping soundlessly.
-------------------------
[Part 2] [Part 3]
Pairing: NEWS, with some RyoShige
Author:
misticloud
Rating: PG-13 (well I don’t know really. Implied sex, kissing? But all in the name of true love. Somewhat.)
Word count: 10,000+ (yes, crazy.)
Summary: Even the most popular Johnny bands have to return to the office now and then to clear their paperwork. It really doesn’t take much to imagine what happens when you put six not quite normal guys together in a confined space with a computer each, and a hell of a lot of emails.
Note: This is the result of working 10 hours a day in an office and being exposed to the crazy antics of an Amazing Boss, weird staff benefits, and email overload. Many thanks and love to
psyches_muse for giving me a lot of inspiration…plenty of the ideas in this story came from her ^^ I think that those who work would probably relate to this story more, but I hope everyone likes it anyway! Comments…would totally make life in the office more bearable for me ;) There are 3 parts to this story.
BEFORE LUNCH (read: the time when everyone does the most work)
8:30 ~ 9:30am
It was a perfectly fine mid-week morning, enhanced by perfumed fresh air, chirpy birds, and the haggard faces of commuters rushing to work. Trains were, as usual, filled to bursting with office ladies trying not to doze off on each other’s shoulders and lecherous old men with groping hands.
Yamapi, being a privileged car owner, managed to avoid all the exhilarating morning sights by taking the expressway to the Jimusho. As he drove his way casually down to the car park and chose the parking lot nearest the entrance, he made a firm resolution that he would get everything done today. Only once a fortnight was NEWS scheduled to clear up all outstanding paperwork, and Yamapi was determined that he would let nothing…nothing…disturb him from finishing up all his work.
Still, despite the well-meaning resolutions, Yamapi was a little less than fully awake when he strolled into the building, hiding a yawn behind his hand. It wasn’t his fault that he was sleepy, no way no how, it was the higher-ups’ fault for making him hang around a pub with Jin all night dressed in conspicuous caps and big sunglasses waiting for the scheduled paparazzi to arrive and take a nice glamourous shot. Yamapi comforted himself a little that he’d been able to down a couple of beers before they’d been sent to the entrance to hang around and look good.
As he walked past the male toilet, he distinctly heard a muffled sound emerging from it. Hearing sounds emerging from toilets was normal; water gushing from a tap, the hand dryer blowing away, someone tearing off a piece from the toilet roll - but this suspiciously groan-like sound was not normal. Since he was in danger of being five minutes early for work, he decided to investigate.
A quick peek into the toilet brought to view half of Ryo, leaning against the wall with his back arched and his eyes closed. His lips were slightly parted and, as Yamapi watched, a little moan escaped from between them.
“Ryo-chan, again…?” Yamapi protested.
Ryo cracked open an eyelid and glanced round. “Get lost,” he managed to say before groaning again.
Yamapi left, partly because he didn’t want to be around when the sounds got any more obscene, but mostly because he knew that Ryo would maim him if he stayed.
In a minute, someone hit him hard on the shoulder and he jumped to see Tegoshi bouncing happily beside him. “OH-HA-YOU YAMASHITA-KUN! DID YOU SLEEP WELL?!”
“Uhhhh,” Yamapi answered, too blinded by the brilliance of Tegoshi’s bright eyes to formulate a proper answer.
Then an arm was slung across his shoulders. “Yamapi! Good morning!”
“Morning,” he replied, slightly more comforted by Koyama’s friendly grin. Tegoshi, he decided, was obscene in the early morning…way and above and undeniably and indisputably more obscene than Ryo-chan in the toilet.
Koyama and Tegoshi immediately launched into a chatter about some TV programme they’d watched last night that involved a dog, a hat, and a girl with big boobs, and as neither of them relinquished hold on Yamapi, the three of them barrelled through the office doors in one big mostly-happy bunch.
Massu rose from his seat to greet them cheerfully, one bun in his hand and half a biscuit in his mouth. “MORNING EVERYONE!”
This time, Yamapi was pretty sure that his vision blanked out for a moment from Massu’s dazzling grin.
“MORNING MASSU!” Tegoshi responded, waving eagerly as though he hadn’t seen Massu for about a decade.
Yamapi extracted himself from his members’ grasp and made his way to his desk, flopping down onto his seat. “What’s this?” he asked, spying a Styrofoam cup on his desk covered by tissue paper.
“I made coffee for everyone!” Massu announced. Sure enough, there were tissue-paper-covered Styrofoam cups on everyone’s desk.
Yamapi smiled and felt that obscene though they were, they could be ridiculously adorable at the same time.
“Ne, ne, which other groups are scheduled to be in today?” Massu asked.
“I think KAT-TUN was here yesterday,” Koyama said.
Tegoshi clapped a hand over his mouth. “Oh no! I haven’t cleared my inbox from last time! I hope Akanishi-kun didn’t max it!”
Everyone took the cue and immediately dived to switch on their computers.
Koyama stood up and took a look around the office; Yamapi sipping at his coffee, Massu dropping crumbs on his desk, Tegoshi frantically keying in his password, and two very noticeably empty desks. “Ne,” he said. “Where are Shige and Ryo-chan? Didn’t HR recently impose penalties for lateness?”
“Oh no, they are here already,” said Tegoshi, eyes on computer screen.
Yamapi peeked at Tegoshi over his monitor, but Tegoshi was serene.
“Here already? But why aren’t they here?” Koyama persisted, after a glance at his watch showed 8:36am.
“Didn’t Ryo-chan just return from Osaka last night?” Yamapi ventured.
Massu’s head immediately snapped up. “Ah, poor Nishikido-kun must be so tired!”
A suspiciously snicker-like sound came from Tegoshi.
Just then the door swung open and Shige walked in hurriedly. Koyama fairly pounced on him. “Shige! You’re late! Don’t you know that you get 500yen deducted for every two minutes? And…your tie is crooked!”
Shige looked down and quickly adjusted his tie, a slight flush spreading over his cheeks. “It’s okay, I clocked in at 8:15.”
Koyama stared at him. “Then where were you?”
“Uh.” Shige looked around for inspiration and his eyes settled on Massu. “Having breakfast.”
“You could’ve called me to have breakfast with you.” Koyama’s mouth drooped a little.
Yamapi caught Tegoshi’s eye and both of them tried not to choke.
Shige patted Koyama’s shoulder. “Maybe next time.” He walked over to his desk and turned on the computer.
A bare minute later, the door swung open again and Ryo walked in. “Shige!” he shouted almost at once. “Your tie’s messed up!”
“Nishikido-kun…” Tegoshi said. “He fixed it thirty seconds ago, don’t worry.”
Ryo looked up and held Shige’s gaze for a beat. “Ah, no problems then,” he said.
Yamapi shook his head imperceptibly and launched Outlook.
Inbox (54)
“Akanishi-kun has maxed my inbox!” Tegoshi wailed.
His cry was immediately taken up by Massu. “MINE TOO!”
“What’s that idiot on about?” Ryo muttered.
Yamapi concentrated on his emails.
-----
To: Tomohisa Yamashita , Ryo Nishikido , Keiichiro Koyama, Shigeaki Kato , Yuya Tegoshi , Takahisa Masuda
CC: johnny@johnnys.jp, mary@johnnys.jp
From: Director of Public Relations
Subject: Myojo June 08 questions
Attachment: myojo_june_questions.doc
Dear All,
Please refer to the attached interview questions from Myojo for the month of June 2008. The theme is ‘Summer Holiday’. Kindly answer all questions (max. 250 words for each) and revert by end of today as we need to vet and approve by Friday.
Thank you for your co-operation.
Regards.
-----
-----
To: NEWS members, Kanjani8 members, HeySayJump members, TakkiTsubasa
From: Jin Akanishi
Subject: FW: This is very funny
This is so funny!!!
Love, Jin
-------Forwarded message-------
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: Because it didn’t want to stay on the other side.
>>>>>Forward this to 20 people and RECEIVE GOOD LUCK!!
-----
-----
To: Ryo Nishikido, Yuya Tegoshi, Takahisa Masuda, Shigeaki Kato, Keiichiro Koyama, Tomohisa Yamashita
CC: hr.executive@johnnys.jp
From: Yuta
Subject: 21 June Dance Rehearsal @ Lavender Room
Hey guys!
Just a reminder that the first dance rehearsal for the new single will be held on June 21, 2pm, at Lavender Room. Remember to bring along towels! If you don’t have new ones, requisite them from Laundry. Massu, try not to bring more than two bentos to practice since we’ll only be having one break time. Look forward to seeing you there then!
Cheers,
Yuta
Dance Choreographer
-----
-----
To: Yuya Tegoshi, Takahisa Masuda, Shigeaki Kato, Tomohisa Yamashita, Ryo Nishikido, Keiichiro Koyama
CC: Jin Akanishi , johnny@johnnys.jp
From: Kazuya Kamenashi
Subject: Towel at NEWS dressing room
Hi.
Would like to check if anyone knows what happened to my towel that I left at the NEWS dressing room last Wed. Pls get back to me asap, thanks.
Kamenashi
-----
-----
To: Kazuya Kamenashi
CC: Yuya Tegoshi, Takahisa Masuda, Shigeaki Kato, Tomohisa Yamashita, Ryo Nishikido, Keiichiro Koyama
BCC: Jin Akanishi
From: johnny@johnnys.jp
Subject: RE: Towel at NEWS dressing room
Stern reminder not to lose company provided accessories such as towels.
In the event that such a thing happens, report the incident to Laundry or you will be held accountable.
Have a good day.
Signing off,
World’s Greatest Johnny
-----
-----
To: Johnny Corporation Email Users
From: Director of Human Resources
Subject: Free passes to the Zoo
Dear All,
The staff benefits have been reviewed and we are pleased to announce that a new benefit has been added. There will be eight zoo passes available every week. Staff members are allowed to book tickets for relatives and friends as well.
Do place your bookings early!
Regards.
-----
-----
To: NEWS members, Kanjani8 members, HeySayJump members, TakkiTsubasa
From: Jin Akanishi
Subject: FW: A FAVOUR TO ASK
Hi my friends:
A favor to ask, it only takes a minute....
Please tell ten friends to tell ten today! The Breast Cancer site is having trouble getting enough people to click on their site daily to meet their quota of donating at least one free mammogram a day to an underprivileged woman. It takes less than a minute to go to their site and click on 'donating a mammogram' for free (pink window in the middle).
This doesn't cost you a thing. Their corporate sponsors/advertisers use the number of daily visits to donate mammogram in exchange for advertising.
Here's the web site! Pass it along to people you know.
http://www.thebreastcancersite.com/
AGAIN, PLEASE TELL 10 FRIENDS TO TELL 10 TODAY
Love,
Jin
-----
-----
To: Tomohisa Yamashita, Yuya Tegoshi, Takahisa Masuda, Ryo Nishikido, Shigeaki Kato, Keiichiro Koyama
CC: Yuta, johnny@johnnys.jp, mary@johnnys.jp
From: NEWS manager
Subject: Sendai stage layout
Attachment: sendai_stage_layout.ppt
Dear All,
For your reference, attached is the stage layout for the upcoming Sendai concert.
Would be appreciated if you could familiarise yourself with it before the concert day as that will minimise disruptions and time wastage.
Thanks.
Regards.
-----
-----
To: NEWS members, Kanjani8 members, HeySayJump members, TakkiTsubasa
From: Jin Akanishi
Subject: FW: It really works!!!
>>>>user posted image
>>>>>>Forward this
>>>>>>to 10 people by today
>>>>>>or you will die at midnight
>>>but if you forward
>>>>>your crush will call you in 10 mins
>>>NO JOKES!! IT REALLY WORKS!!
Sorry guys. I don’t want to die at midnight @_@
Love,
Jin
-----
-----
To: Tomohisa Yamashita, Yuya Tegoshi, Takahisa Masuda, Ryo Nishikido, Shigeaki Kato, Keiichiro Koyama
From: Director of Human Resources
Subject: Annual Leave balance
Dear All,
Please check your annual leave balance and submit applications via E-leave system by this Friday for approval.
Regards.
-----
Yamapi could hear Shige’s head bashing onto the desk.
Beside him, Koyama began to hum ‘weeeek’ distractedly.
They all got to work (and deleting Jin’s emails).
9:30 ~ 10:30am
-----
To: Kazuya Kamenashi
CC: Yuya Tegoshi, Takahisa Masuda, Shigeaki Kato, Tomohisa Yamashita, Ryo Nishikido
BCC: Jin Akanishi
From: Keiichiro Koyama
Subject: Re: RE: Towel at NEWS dressing room
I’m sorry Kame! I took it! I’ll return it shortly!
Kei
-----
Ryo threw a stack of tickets across his desk and groaned loudly, attracting the attention of everyone in the office. “DAMN shinkansen claims,” he complained. “Tokyo to Osaka, Osaka to Tokyo, about ten times for each journey, why can’t they come up with a better system already so that I don’t have to spend hours on this?!”
“Well,” said Shige carefully, “it’s because you’re the only one in this company who has the problem of too many shinkansen claims.”
Ryo glared at him.
Tegoshi, who had been staring very hard and closely at his computer screen, suddenly perked up. “Ne, I need everybody’s help!” he chirped.
Koyama cheered up at the sound of the word ‘help’. “Yes, anything, Tego-nyan!”
“I want to clear my annual leave…” Tegoshi wandered over to the cabinet and picked up the calendar, flipping through it. “I’m thinking of taking two days…so when should I…?”
Koyama joined him and they looked through the calendar together.
Yamapi suddenly yelped. “My comp went off!”
“Eh?” Shige said, a little distracted by a new email notification flashing on the corner of his screen.
-----
To: Shigeaki Kato
From: Ryo Nishikido
Subject:
I want you.
-----
“It went off!” Yamapi insisted.
“So turn it back on,” Ryo growled.
-----
To: Ryo Nishikido
From: Shigeaki Kato
Subject: RE:
Don’t think dirty thoughts during work.
-----
Yamapi pressed the button. “It’s not coming on!”
“Leave it for about thirty seconds and try again,” Shige advised.
“The computer is just revolting against you,” said Ryo.
“But I haven’t done anything to it!” Yamapi protested.
“…weekend and then public holiday,” Tegoshi was saying to Koyama.
-----
To: Shigeaki Kato
From: Ryo Nishikido
Subject: RE: Re:
Can’t help it. You looked absolutely @#$% hot this morning. It’s not my fault if I can’t stop thinking about it.
-----
From where he sat, Ryo enjoyed the sight of Shige’s ears turning red. He thought of Shige on his knees that morning, and his fists clenched a little.
“My screen has turned blue!” Yamapi wailed.
“Switch the main power off and turn it on again,” Shige said, but made no move to help Yamapi out even though he was clearly useless at managing his computer.
“Do you think I have a…a germ?” Yamapi asked.
“We’re all covered in germs,” Shige said.
“No, no, the thing that…eats up files,” Yamapi clarified.
“You mean virus.”
“Yes! Do you think I have a virus?”
Shige looked directly at Yamapi, who looked back at him helplessly. “Yamashita-kun…”
“Yes.”
“Just turn off the power switch. We’ll figure out the virus problem later.”
“Where’s the switch?”
-----
To: Ryo Nishikido
From: Shigeaki Kato
Subject: RE: Re: Re:
What are you getting so impatient for? There’s all of tonight.
BTW since you’re sitting beside Y, can you just locate and turn off the switch for him since he’s like completely cutely clueless.
-----
“Pi, you’re a nuisance,” said Ryo.
Yamapi looked hurt. “I’m sorry. I don’t deal much with computers.”
“Nor power switches, apparently,” Ryo muttered, tapping away at his keyboard.
-----
To: Shigeaki Kato
From: Ryo Nishikido
Subject: RE: Re: Re: Re:
Call him cute again and I’ll show you what’s cute. Not. Allowed. To. Use. That. Word. On. Anyone.
And stop swiping your hair back. It’s getting me all hot and bothered.
Y can locate that switch himself.
-----
“My comp’s working again!” Yamapi announced happily. “It’s fine now!”
Shige coughed. “Great. Er, maybe before the end of today you might want to give I.T. a call to come check up on the computer in case you come back two weeks later and find that it doesn’t start up at all.”
Yamapi looked very alarmed. “Why do computers give so many problems?”
“Because the users are problematic,” Ryo said.
-----
To: Ryo Nishikido
From: Shigeaki Kato
Subject: RE: Re: Re: Re: Re:
I think I have better ways of making you hot and bothered than simply swiping my hair, so forget about it.
Y needs some computer skills. Should submit suggestion to HR to send him for on-course training.
-----
“Four days off,” Tegoshi said.
“There’s no other chance until September,” said Koyama.
“I will never understand computers,” sighed Yamapi.
-----
To: Shigeaki Kato
From: Ryo Nishikido
Subject: RE: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:
DON’T BE A TEASE.
Let’s get out of here now.
-----
“I’ve decided,” Tegoshi announced. “There’s no other public holiday till July, and that’s Marine Day. See, it falls on a Monday, so if I take Thursday and Friday, I’ll have five days off in a row.”
Ryo, who’d been halfway out of his seat, suddenly looked up. “THAT’S MY SLOT. GO AWAY.”
Tegoshi and Koyama stared.
“Nishikido-kun wants to take Thursday and Friday off too?” Tegoshi suddenly looked very wistful.
“Wednesday. Thursday. Friday.” Ryo tapped his finger after every day mentioned. “It’s been planned for ages, Tegoshi. You can’t mess up my schedule.”
Tegoshi stuck out his bottom lip and looked sad.
Shige sighed, got up, went to the cabinet, and came back with a small whiteboard. He drew up a quick table of all their names, and included the dates of the 2008 public holidays on the top right-hand corner. As a finishing touch, he wrote across the top, ‘Annual Leave Chart for NEWS’. “We book our annual leave days here.” He tapped on Tegoshi’s name. “Nishikido-kun takes Wednesday to Friday. Tegoshi takes Tuesday and Wednesday of the following week. Problem solved.”
“Shige, you’re so smart!” Tegoshi crowed.
“…” said Shige.
Massu rushed at the board and wrote, in big letters, ’16, 18 AND 22 SEPT 2008’. “Those are my annual leave days!” he said happily. “The September public holidays are mine!”
There was a short pause.
“That’s what I call advanced planning,” said Yamapi.
Massu beamed at the compliment.
10:30 ~ 11:30am
“I’m hungry,” said Massu.
Nobody really took any notice. Massu being hungry did not carry much significance.
Tegoshi turned up the volume of his online radio. “I like this song!”
Shige, buried under stacks of money claims, did not respond. Koyama flashed Tegoshi a smile, but he too was concerned with the requisition of office stationery (because nobody else but Koyama wanted to do such a boring job). Yamapi was busily typing out his interview answers with two fingers. Ryo was taking a power nap.
“Where shall we go for lunch today?” Massu asked.
“There’s only the canteen, isn’t there,” Shige said, scribbling out a claim for hair gel.
“Does anyone need more hole punchers?” Koyama asked.
Massu sighed, then brightened. “I’m going down to the vending machine!” He vanished.
“How about staplers?” Koyama asked.
-----
To: Takahisa Masuda
CC: Ryo Nishikido, Tomohisa Yamashita, Keiichiro Koyama, Shigeaki Kato, Yuya Tegoshi
BCC: johnny@johnny.jp, mary@johnny.jp
From: Director of HR
Subject: Changing of hairstyle
Attachment: hairstyles.ppt
Dear Masuda-san,
According to our records, it is time for you to change your hairstyle.
Please refer to attached document for the catalogue of approved hairstyles and get back to us about which style you prefer most. We will then action accordingly.
Thank you!
Regards
-----
Shige glanced at his computer screen and pressed the flickering yellow light of the office web messenger.
Koyama says:
How much do u wanna bet that Massu agrees to change his hairstyle?
Kato says:
I don’t want to bet. He won’t change it.
Koyama says:
Imagine if he gets a Mohawk like u
Kato says:
Massu the punk?
Koyama says:
Hahahahahaha XD
I’ll pay big bucks to see that ^_^
Kato says:
So will I.
Koyama says:
What time d’u wanna go for lunch?
Kato says:
Around noon? Once I get all this done so that I can clear my head.
Koyama says:
OK.
Wanna go to the zoo this weekend?
Kato says:
Okay. Don’t really like the zoo though.
Koyama says:
It’s free.
Go book the passes at HR ok?
Kato says:
Yeah, I’ll go there during lunch.
Koyama says:
We’re going on a date to the zoo!!!!
Kato says:
Hurray for hobnobbing with kangaroos and lions!
Koyama says:
Shige it’s going to be romantic!!!
11:30am ~ 12:30pm
Massu’s face dropped when he returned from a long stint at the vending machine and saw the email from HR. “Why do I have to change my hairstyle?” he appealed to the world at large.
“Maybe you might want to, just to change your image,” Yamapi said.
Koyama looked up from his frantic IM-ing with Shige. “I like Massu just the way he is!”
“Don’t you!” Massu smiled, and looked towards Tegoshi for more support. But Tegoshi was staring at his computer screen and making weird giggly noises, so he shifted gaze to Shige. Shige was typing away, oblivious to the world and Massu’s distress. As a last resort, Massu glanced warily at Ryo, but Ryo had his headphones on and was bobbing to the music.
Still, one out of five had expressed his support of Massu’s hair, so Massu was satisfied.
-----
To: Director of HR
CC: Ryo Nishikido, Tomohisa Yamashita, Keiichiro Koyama, Shigeaki Kato, Yuya Tegoshi
BCC: johnny@johnny.jp, mary@johnny.jp
From: Takahisa Masuda
Subject: RE: Changing of hairstyle
Thank you for your concern!
I like my hairstyle the way it is!
Masuda
-----
“Sometimes,” said Shige out loud, “people really don’t get hints even when they’re shoved in their faces.”
Tegoshi rubbed his nose thoughtfully. “I think that Massu should try dying his hair pink.”
Both Shige and Koyama stared at him.
“Where in the world did that come from?” Shige asked.
Tegoshi grinned mysteriously and ducked his head. Within seconds he was back to gaping at his computer screen and all efforts of interrogation were over.
“I don’t want to dye my hair pink,” said Massu, looking vaguely alarmed at that idea.
Koyama reached over and patted his arm. “You won’t. Don’t worry about it, ne? You look fine the way you are. You wouldn’t be Massu if you had pink hair.”
Just then an email notification popped up on all their screens, effectively undoing all of Koyama’s good work in one precise, well-directed blow.
-----
To: Takahisa Masuda
CC: Director of HR, Tomohisa Yamashita, Keiichiro Koyama, Shigeaki Kato, Yuya Tegoshi
BCC: johnny@johnny.jp, mary@johnny.jp
From: Ryo Nishikido
Subject: RE: Re: Changing of hairstyle
MASSU CUT YOUR HAIR IT’S FUGLY.
-----
There was a moment when everyone went still.
Then Massu’s lip wibbled and Shige decided on the spot that it was time to have lunch, even though he wasn’t remotely hungry yet. “Come on, Massu,” he said, “let’s go down to the canteen.”
Ryo’s head snapped up and he stared at Shige. “Wait, you’re going to have lunch now?”
Shige wasn’t happy with him. “Yes. And you’re not invited.”
He carried Massu off, leaving Ryo gaping soundlessly.
-------------------------
[Part 2] [Part 3]