Other than that, I can't say much about this chapter, other than that I think that even Bella/Edward/Jacob was better written than this love triangle. Well, lust triangle.
It is, isn't it? A longer break than I intended, but I'm back now. I've got some new projects in the works for 2012 (some of which I hope to reveal here in due course) and a lot more going on in real life, but I've not given up on giving this whole thrice-damned saga the Red Pen treatment.
I've no idea how the author manages to take such a drama-laden concept as a woman in a love triangle with her family's arch-nemesis and her boss and make it so dull. That takes some doing.
It's also rather presumptuous of Hermione to state that Ron will still love her when we the readers get more of a "Ron's horrified she slept with Malfoy" vibe.
Unless Ron actually told her "I still adore her, even though Malfoy is her kid's dad" there's no way Hermione would know that for certain, except, of course, for the part where she's a bleeding heart fifties housewife in this and, therefore, would naturally believe LOVE WILL PREVAIL, even knowing Ron to be the dingus he is.
And therein lies one of the problems with secondhand storytelling. If we'd actually been shown some scenes between Ron and Sam and their interactions with Harry and Hermione we might have a better idea what's going on.
"Not at all. I’d love a little girl just as much as a boy."
Okay, this fic is seriously creeping me out. The first thing that line reminded me of is an excerpt I read from that book Jaycee Dugard wrote, where she describes how she had a baby, fathered by the man who kidnapped and raped her, and says how he loves the baby so much. They had a girl. >_<
Reason why I brought up the mentioning of Dugard was because that story always rings a very distinct bell in my head, and is one of many reasons I've supported legislation like Jessica's Law, despite my rather liberal stance(at times) on civil rights.
This isn't even secondhand storytelling. It's thirdhand gossip: Hermione telling Harry what she heard from someone else about about a totally separate situation that she never witnessed. Actual secondhand storytelling might be useful - provided we hadn't actually seen the absurd reveal with Ron and Sam, having it told to us in a scene where Ron has a chat to Harry about it would actually provide a chance to show that the characters are friends. Or you could have Hermione or someone giving Sam advice about the situation and explaining the history the others have with Draco - a chance for some potentially interesting exposition that's actually needed in a fanfic of a fanfic, and that could give insight into Hermione's personality as she actually displays a willingness to believe that Draco has changed, or whatever
( ... )
That's really what I meant by secondhand storytelling needing to keep an eye on the present: how do the characters respond to the events they're discussing, and what does this tell us about them? As it is, they're just talking heads delivering an infodump.
There's so much wasted potential in these subplots because the author would rather type one-handed about underage nudists. Anything that might actually be interesting is explored superficially if at all, and as you say not tied together into a proper plot, and we're left with an incoherent mess.
Anything that might actually be interesting is explored superficially if at all
And by anything, that includes the gorram MAIN PLOT OF THE SERIES: the Salazar Slytherin arc. Hinted at in the first fanfic and basically forms the ONLY overarching plot for the series that's basically abandoned in the third fic...
Hogwarts Exposed is a prime example of what can go wrong with a fanfic of great potential. Hell, if I ever get around to writing my own idea for an HP fanfic, I might use the Slytherin arc for a sequel series.
It's downright disgusting how Neil squandered a great concept in favor of fapping material.
P.S. I expect the royalty check for your use of my "one-handed" joke in the mail, szaleniec.
You're scared now... wait till I tell you he's got a new writing project on the go. I've not had the courage to read it yet, and no word on when/if he'll finish Underexposed, but the Yahoo group has sprung back to life like a particularly troublesome zombie.
Neil has emerged from whatever fell recess he's been hiding himself since 2009 with a new story. It's an original story, not related to anything he's done before, and it's:
rated X because it contains torture, domination, first time sex, group sex, petting, exhibitionism, safe sex, oral sex, anal sex, masturbation and incest
... basically, Hogwarts Exposed without the restraint. I've not read it. There are some calls for a continuation of Underexposed, but whether he will or not remains to be seen.
Comments 47
Other than that, I can't say much about this chapter, other than that I think that even Bella/Edward/Jacob was better written than this love triangle. Well, lust triangle.
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I've no idea how the author manages to take such a drama-laden concept as a woman in a love triangle with her family's arch-nemesis and her boss and make it so dull. That takes some doing.
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If Ron's being THAT much of a douche, getting upset over Sam sleeping with some one she had no idea was *that* terrible...
How the hell does Sam "know Ron still adores her"?
I mean, I would think his incredible over-reaction is a sign of the opposite.
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Unless Ron actually told her "I still adore her, even though Malfoy is her kid's dad" there's no way Hermione would know that for certain, except, of course, for the part where she's a bleeding heart fifties housewife in this and, therefore, would naturally believe LOVE WILL PREVAIL, even knowing Ron to be the dingus he is.
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Okay, this fic is seriously creeping me out. The first thing that line reminded me of is an excerpt I read from that book Jaycee Dugard wrote, where she describes how she had a baby, fathered by the man who kidnapped and raped her, and says how he loves the baby so much. They had a girl. >_<
I'm off for brain bleach.
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There's so much wasted potential in these subplots because the author would rather type one-handed about underage nudists. Anything that might actually be interesting is explored superficially if at all, and as you say not tied together into a proper plot, and we're left with an incoherent mess.
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And by anything, that includes the gorram MAIN PLOT OF THE SERIES: the Salazar Slytherin arc. Hinted at in the first fanfic and basically forms the ONLY overarching plot for the series that's basically abandoned in the third fic...
Hogwarts Exposed is a prime example of what can go wrong with a fanfic of great potential. Hell, if I ever get around to writing my own idea for an HP fanfic, I might use the Slytherin arc for a sequel series.
It's downright disgusting how Neil squandered a great concept in favor of fapping material.
P.S. I expect the royalty check for your use of my "one-handed" joke in the mail, szaleniec.
XD
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O_O
I'm scared, szaleniec...
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...what?
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rated X because it contains torture, domination, first time sex, group sex, petting, exhibitionism, safe sex, oral sex, anal sex, masturbation and incest
... basically, Hogwarts Exposed without the restraint. I've not read it. There are some calls for a continuation of Underexposed, but whether he will or not remains to be seen.
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