Don't Lose Faith

[synnerxx]

Title: Don't Lose Faith
Rating: NC-17
Fandom: The Shield
Pairing: Shane/Lem, mentions of Vic/Shane
Warnings: Explicit sex
Word Count: 4,902
Notes: Third installment of the Fault'verse.
Summary: Vic gets in between Shane and Lem.

Shane manages to catch Vic alone in the clubhouse at the end of the day. Ronnie's already gone home or rather, on a date with his latest squeeze. Lem's grabbing a quick shower in the locker room, so that leaves Vic and Shane on their own.

"Can we talk?" Shane asks, standing on the other side of the table from Vic.

Vic glances up at him from the file he's reading over. "About?"

"Us." Shane clenches his hands around the top of the chair.

"What about this 'us'?" Vic closes the folder and leans back, tilting his head.

"The us that sleeps together. We can't do that anymore." Shane says in a rush, just wanting the words out.

"Really. Why not?" Vic folds his arms across his chest.

"Because we just can't." Shane shakes his head.

"Give me a real answer this time." Vic says with a smirk.

Lem walks in just then. "Hey, didn't know you two were still here."

Shane looks up at Lem and Vic looks between the two of them. "Give us a minute, Lem."

Lem shuts his locker and shrugs. "Sure. I'm going home anyway."

"Wait for me. There's something I need to tell you." Shane says suddenly.

Lem looks back at him before closing the door. "Okay."

Vic rounds on Shane the moment the door is closed. "It's him, isn't it?"

"What's him?" Shane asks.

"Don't play dumb with me, Shane. He's the reason you're ending the arrangement we have. You're still fucking him." Vic glares at him.

"So what if I am? It has nothing to do with you and me." Shane shakes his head.

"It does when you're ending what we have for him. Did he ask you to do this? I know he's still in love with you. I didn't forget that part. You in love with him now?" Vic warns.

Shane sighs heavily. "No, I'm not in love with him and he didn't ask me to end this."

"So tell me why." Vic demands.

"Because I'm tired of being your bitch. Tired of being used, Vic. Everyone's got a limit and I've reached mine." Shane says, staring Vic down.

"You aren't my bitch, Shane." Vic says mildly.

"What do you call it then?" Shane snaps at him.

"We're partners, same as out there on the streets." Vic shrugs.

"No, we're not. Whatever, this doesn't matter. Point is, we're not keeping the arrangement up. We're done. No more." Shane says firmly.

Vic stands up then, reaching out and grabbing Shane's shirt collar, jerking him forward. "Is he that good a fuck? So good that you don't need me anymore? Huh, Shane? Maybe I should try him out, see how tight his ass is?"

Shane pulls away from Vic, straightening his shirt. "He doesn't have anything to do with this. Leave him out of it."

"Why should I? You certainly haven't. Does he know what you've done for me, Shane? Does he know about all the times you dropped to your knees for me? What about all the times you bent over for me? Hmm? Does he know all of that?" Vic sneers at Shane.

"Shut up." Shane says, glancing away, face burning.

"I thought so. Maybe I should let Lem know about everything we've done. How you begged me for it most of the time. How willing you were. More than willing, I should say." Vic continues on.

"He knows. Not the details, not all of them, but he knows." Shane glares at Vic.

"Does he now?" Vic looks slightly surprised.

"Yeah, so you telling him anything wouldn't be a shock and it wouldn't make him stop wanting me." Shane smirks, triumphant.

"What if I want him? What then?" Vic asks, wanting to wipe the smug look off of Shane's face.

"Doesn't really matter what you want anymore, does it? I got what I wanted." Shane shrugs, clearly unconcerned with Vic.

"You remember how easy it was to get you to do what I wanted, how easy do you think it will be for me to get Lem doing what I want?" Vic muses, changing tatics now.

"Just leave him out of this, Vic. We had what we had, now it's over. Why can't you just let it go?" Shane asks with a sigh.

"Because things end on my terms and I'm not done with you just yet." Vic snaps.

Before Shane can reply, Lem pokes his head back into the room. "Sorry to interrupt, but Shane if you're going to tell me something, can we make it now? I wanna go home and sleep."

"Yeah, okay. I'll walk you out." Shane nods, walking around the table. His hand rests on Lem's lower back as he gently ushers the other man out of the room, Vic's eyes fixed on them as they leave.

"What was that all about?" Lem asks once they're out of earshot.

"Vic's just being a dick because he's pissed at me. Don't worry about it." Shane says, not moving his hand from Lem's back.

"Why's he pissed at you?" Lem tilts his head at Shane.

"Don't worry about it. I'll handle it, okay?" Shane snaps.

"Okay, fine. No need to bite my head off." Lem says, stepping away from Shane, putting a bit of space between them.

"Sorry. He's just irritating. I didn't mean to take it out on you." Shane says, tugging Lem closer by the back of his shirt as they get out into the motorpool.

Lem leans back against the driver's side door of his Jeep. "So what did you want to tell me?"

"You should come over again. Spend the night with me." Shane says, leaning into Lem's personal space, voice low and suggestive.

Lem arches an eyebrow. "Think that's a good idea tonight?"

"Why wouldn't it be?" Shane frowns.

"Vic and all." Lem says, waving one hand in the general direction of the Barn.

"Forget him. I want you to come over tonight." Shane presses his mouth against Lem's, stealing a kiss before Lem can answer.

Lem pulls away. "I don't know. I'm already exhausted and I know you don't just want a slumber party."

Shane smirks. "You know me well then. Come on. I'll make it worth your while."

"Shane, not that I don't want to, but don't you think we should take this slower than last time? I mean, look what happened when all we were doing was jumping into bed with one another." Lem points out.

Shane takes a step back from him, pulling out his cigarettes and his lighter. He lights it and takes a drag, ignoring Lem's disapproving look. "What do you want, Lem? You want me to fuckin' woo you or something? You want to go out on dates and hold hands and all that shit, huh? Want me to bring you flowers and candy and stupid romance cards?"

"No, but I don't want this to just be about sex either." Lem snaps, looking frustrated.

"I'm not a fuckin' chick, man. That shit isn't happening." Shane turns his head and exhales the smoke.

"Neither am I, but I just don't want to fuck this up again." Lem says softly, looking at Shane.

Shane takes another drag off of his cigarette before dropping it and crushing it beneath his boot. "We won't. I promise."

Lem sighs. "I hope not."

"Hey, I promised, didn't I? I keep my promises." Shane leans up against Lem, catching his mouth again.

Lem makes a disgusted sound and pushes Shane back. "Don't kiss me after you've smoked. It tastes like licking the bottom of an ashtray."

Shane laughs. "How would you even know what that tastes like?"

Lem gives him an annoyed look. "Just don't kiss me after you smoke."

"Fine, whatever, you prissy bitch." Shane rolls his eyes, but he smiles at Lem.

"I am not a prissy bitch." Lem grumbles, but he smiles back.

Vic walks out just then. "Am I interrupting something?"

Shane steps back from Lem, turning to look at Vic. "No."

Lem looks curiously between the two of them, noting the tension that fills Shane as soon as Vic makes his presence known. "You heading home, Vic?"

"Yeah, might as well." Vic heads for his car, fiddling with his keys and smirking at Shane.

Shane sneers back. "Got something else to say, Vic?"

"Just that you should keep an eye on what's yours. Never know who you could lose it to." Vic says cryptically, getting into his car and speeding off.

Shane flips him off even though he's already out of the motorpool and can't see him anymore. Lem raises his eyebrows at the display.

"That was weird." He comments mildly.

"Doesn't matter. I'll see you tomorrow." Shane stalks to his truck, already lighting another cigarette.

Lem opens his mouth to say something else, but thinks better of it and climbs into his Jeep, driving out of the lot, shaking his head. He'll talk to Shane about it tomorrow.

~*~

Vic's already waiting for them in the clunhouse when Shane gets there. He doesn't say anything to Vic and, after hanging his jacket on the coat rack, he heads back out into the Barn, intent on getting some coffee from the Break Room.

Danny is in there with Julien when he walks in. "You okay, Shane? You look exhausted."

"I'm fine. Bad night." He shrugs, pouring a cup of coffee.

"Sorry. Hope you have a better day." She pats his shoulder as she and Julien leave the Break Room. He nods at her.

He's almost done pouring sugar in his cup when Lem steps in. "Hey."

Shane looks up at him. "Hey youself."

"I need coffee." Lem grunts, walking around to Shane's other side and Shane grins. Lem's barely functional in the mornings until after he's had his first cup of coffee.

"I can see that." Shane snickers.

Lem throws him an irritated glance, but doesn't say anything, concentrating on pouring coffee into his cup and adding sugar and cream. He stirs it briefly before swallowing half of it in one gulp.

Shane makes a face at him and sips at his, leaning against the counter. "You free tonight?"

Lem blinks at him. "Why?"

Shane shrugs, looks down at the coffee in his hands. "Thought we could grab dinner, take it back to my place?"

Lem looks at him for a moment, frowning in confusion. "Like a date?"

Shane looks around quickly, but there's no one close enough to overhear them. "I guess. If you want to call it that."

Lem smiles brightly at him. "Sure. Sounds good."

Shane smiles back at him and takes another drink of coffee before Vic walks in, smirking.

"Am I interrupting something?" He asks pointedly, looking at Shane.

"Nope." Shane shrugs and turns, walking out of the Break Room, going back into the clubhouse.

Lem watches Vic carefully. "You don't like the fact that Shane's with me now, do you?"

Vic glances at him. "Not really, but not for the reasons you might think."

"What reasons then?" Lem asks, curious in spite of himself.

"Shane's no good for you, Lem. You know how he is. The fuck 'em and leave 'em type. Sure, he says all the right things, but he doesn't mean them." Vic says, looking at Lem.

"It's not like that with us. It's different." Lem protests, but he can't help the look of worry that corsses his face.

Seeing that look, Vic grins, hiding it behind his cup as he takes another drink. "Sure, sure, you believe that now, but just as soon as he gets bored, he'll be moving on to someone new. I've seen it happen too many times to count. It's not pretty. Never is."

"Shane wouldn't do that to me." Lem says, but he doesn't sound so sure anymore.

"If you think so. Just remember, I warned you." Vic nods at him and walks out of the Break Room, a smirk on his face.

Lem swallows hard and pours the rest of his coffee out in the sink, suddenly feeling sick. Shane wouldn't get bored with him. Shane knows how he feels about him, knows that he's in love with him. He wouldn't toy with him like this, would he?

By the time Lem makes it back into the clubhouse, Vic is already discussing the new case and Lem is glad. He doesn't think he could handle trying to have a conversation with Shane or Ronnie right now. Shane keeps glancing at him like he's trying to catch his eye, but Lem ignores him, focusing on Vic.

Their day goes by as usual. Another drug dealer in the cage, one more check mark in the victory column. Lem's waling out into the motorpool to his Jeep when Shane catches his arm.

"Where you going?" Shane asks, tugging him to a stop.

"Home." Lem answers shortly.

"But I thought we had plans tonight?" Shane says, confusion in his voice.

"Rain check, then." Lem mutters, pulling his arm away from Shane. He starts walking away again.

Shane stops in front of him. "What did Vic say to you in the Break Room this morning?"

"Nothing." Lem scowls at Shane, making to walk around him.

"Then why are you blowing me off?" Shane snaps, pushing Lem back.

"Fine. He did say something, but it wasn't anything that I didn't already know." Lem sighs in frustration.

"What did he say to you?" Shane repeats, glaring at Lem.

A group of Unis in street clothes come out, laughing and joking before heading off to their own cars. A few yell goodbyes to Lem and Shane and they nod back, waiting for them to leave before continuing their conversation.

"Let it go, Shane. I was right. We're never going to work and I should just stop trying." Lem shakes his head.

"Tell me what the bastard said to you, Lem. This is not how we were this morning. What did he say?" Shane reaches out and grabs Lem's shoulder.

"He said this would end just like other your other flings did. You'd get bored with me and you'd move on to someone new." Lem says, not meeting Shane's eyes.

Shane curls his hands around Lem's neck. "I'm not going to get bored with you. Never. Don't listen to him. He's just pissed because of me and now he's taking it out on you, on us."

"He's right though. Even I can't deny that. I've seen what happens when you get tired of a relationship, Shane." Lem says, trying to pull away from him. Shane holds him in place.

"I told you that I knew I didn't deserve your love, but I was selfish and needed you to love me anyway. That hasn't changed." Shane cups Lem's face in his hands.

"You may need me to love you, but you don't love me." Lem pushes Shane away from him, making him take a step back in order to keep his balance.

"But I do!" Shane says, an edge to his voice.

"You can't even say it now, Shane. How am I supposed to believe that when you can't even say it to me?" Lem asks him, staring him down.

"I need you. I need you so much sometimes, Lem. Isn't that enough? Knowing that I need like I've never needed anyone else before?" Shane reaches out to him again, but Lem steps back from him, out of his reach.

"No, it's not. I'm sorry, Shane. I really am." Lem shakes his head and sidesteps Shane, making his way to his Jeep.

Shane watches him go and a wave of regret and desperation slams into him. He's really fucked up this time. This time though it's not totally his fault. He storms back into the station and slams open the door of the clubhouse. It hits the wall and bounces back, slamming once more.

"Something the matter, Shane?" Vic asks mildly, looking up at him, a faint grin tugging at the corners of his mouth.

"You know damn well what's the matter. Why the fuck did you put all that shit about me in Lem's head? You've got him all twisted up now." Shane glares at Vic.

"I didn't tell him anything but what he already knew to be true. Someone has to keep you from breaking everything you touch and I won't allow you to break Lem. He's a part of the team and therefore my responsibility." Vic growls, getting to his feet.

"You're just pissed because I ended what we had and now you want to ruin what Lem and I have. I'm not going to let you." Shane says firmly.

"Looks like I already did or you wouldn't be here, talking to me. You'd be fucking his brains out in your bed, wouldn't you?" Vic smirks, folding his arms across his chest.

"I can still fix this. Just stay out of it." Shane snaps at him.

"You don't get to tell me what to do, Shane. Remember who you're talking to." Vic warns him.

"Whatever. I'm out, I'm done. I have better things to do than stand here and argue with you." Shane turns away from him.

"Like what? Going to go grovel at Lem's feet, hope he'll take you back? That's pathetic." Vic spits at him.

Shane bites his tongue, a thousand retorts on the tip of it, but he doesn't want to make things worse. He really can't afford to at this point. "Think what you want, Vic."

He walks out the door and out into the motorpool, getting into his truck. He takes off with a squeal of tires and heads for Lem's house. He can still fix this. He hopes he can still fix this.

He pulls up alongside the curb in front of Lem's house and turns off the ignition. He sits, staring up at Lem's house, looking the window and wondering what Lem's doing. He sighs and gets out, walking up to Lem's door.

He knocks on it, almost hoping Lem's asleep and won't answer because this is the first time he's ever really tried to make up for his mistakes and actually mean it in a serious relationship.

A few moments later, Lem opens the door. "What do you want?"

"Can we talk?" Shane asks, smiling weakly at him.

"There's nothing to talk about." Lem says, starting to shut the door.

Shane pushes back against the door. "Please?"

Lem gives him a measuring stare before letting him push the door open all the way. "Fine."

Lem turns around and heads into the living room, Shane following along after him. Lem drops back down onto the couch, picking up the remote and muting the TV before looking back up at Shane, who's standing awkwardly in the middle of the room.

"What did you want to talk about?" He asks in a bored tone.

"I'm sorry." Shane blurts out. It's not what he meant to say at all, but as soon as the words out, he knows they are the ones he means the most.

Lem looks genuinely surprised, as if he didn't really expect Shane to apologize to him and sound sincere about it. He doesn't get the chance to say anything though because Shane keeps talking.

"I just need you to understand that this isn't easy for me. I know it's not easy for you either, but this is so different from any other relationship I've been in and I feel out of my element here. The one thing I'm sure of though is that I need you. I need you to be there at the end of the day for me, in more ways than one and I need you to be patient with me and just love me." Shane says, needing to get it all out at once or not at all. He paces around the living room since he can't smoke and Lem watches him go back and forth, still stunned.

He stops in front of Lem and waits for him to say something, hands on his hips. He bites at his bttom lip and he wants to leave now, needs to get out because he just poured way too much of himself all over Lem's living room floor and he's not sure if he can put himself back together after that.

The silence lengthens between them until Shane can't take it anymore and he turns to leave. "Forget it."

"No, don't leave!" Lem says, shooting to his feet and rushing over to Shane, catching his arm before he opens the front door.

Shane tenses and doesn't face him. "You were right. This isn't going to work."

"Yes, it will. I was angry and I thought I was right, but we can make this work. You coming here shows that you're willing to try and so am I." Lem explains, hoping it will be enough to convince Shane.

"You still gonna listen to what other people wanna say about me?" Shane asks, facing Lem, a glare on his face.

Lem winces, looking apologetic. "I'm sorry I took what Vic said that seriously, knowing he's pissed at us."

"I want this to work." Shane says seriously.

"I know, but I have to know this. Do you love me?" Lem asks, knowing he's pressing an issue that probably shouldn't be pressed, espeically right now, but he has to know.

Shane looks down for a moment before sighing. "I'm just....I'm not there yet."

"Not there yet? What does that mean?" Lem questions, letting go of Shane's arm.

"It means that I'll get there. I just need time." Shane says, slightly hesitant.

Lem scrubs a hand down his face. "Okay."

"Okay? Okay like we're going to give this a chance?" Shane asks, a smile forming on his face.

"Yeah. Okay like that." Lem nods, smiling back at Shane.

Shane reaches out and pulls Lem into a kiss, smirking against his mouth when it catches Lem by surprise and he stumbles against Shane. He switches their positions and backs Lem up against the door, still kissing him, hands cupping his face. Lem's own hands settle on Shane's hips, tugging him even closer.

Shane groans into his mouth as their hips press tight against each other and Lem shifts minutely against him, sending tiny thrills of pleasure shooting across his nerves.

Shane breaks the kiss with a gentle nip to Lem's bottom lip before moving down to nibble at the hollow of Lem's throat. Lem tilts his head back against the door and moans, grinding harder against Shane, wrenching another groan from him as well.

Shane's hands slide down to Lem's chest, fingers teasing his nipples through the fabric causing Lem to whine low in his throat. One hand slides down farther and cups Lem through his boxer shorts, making him arch his hips into Shane.

Shane laughs breathlessly and kisses Lem again. Lem pulls away just enough to speak. "We should take this into the bedroom."

"Yeah." Shane agrees and he pulls Lem off the door, taking his hand and leading him into Lem's bedroom, shoving Lem in the direction of his bed. Lem grunts as he falls back onto it and then Shane is there, settling his weight on him and kissing him hungrily.

Lem's hands stroke along Shane's back before resting in the dip of his lower back, slipping under his shirt to feel the warmth of Shane's skin against his own. Shane rocks his hips downward and Lem whimpers into his mouth.

Shane breaks the kiss and sits up, straddling Lem. Lem reaches up and begins unbuttoning Shane's shirt while Shane works at getting his boots off. Somehow they manage both and Shane is kicking his boots off the bed while Lem pushes his shirt off his shoulders.

Shane shrugs out of it, tossing it on the floor, not caring where it lands. "You're overdressed."

Lem laughs. "I'm in a t-shirt and boxers."

"Like I said, overdressed." Shane smirks and pulls him up, tugging his shirt off over his head. Lem takes the opportunity to kiss and lick at Shane's neck as Shane's arms wrap around his back, holding him up.

Lem's hands drift down to Shane's belt buckle and he unhooks it, unbuttoning Shane's jeans as well. He pulls down the zipper and dips his hand inside, fingers curling around Shane's cock and Shane's nails dig into his skin as Lem strokes it as best he can.

Shane gets up from Lem's lap and wriggles out of his jeans before climbing back on the bed and pushing Lem onto his back and pulling his boxers off.

Lem grins up at him. "Impatient, are we?"

"Always." Shane smirks, kissing Lem again, groaning when their cocks slide against each other. Lem curls his fingers in Shane's hair while Shane holds himself up on his forearms, licking his way into Lem's mouth.

He moves away from Lem's mouth, biting lightly at his jaw and down his neck. He places hot, open mouthed kisses down the center of his chest, stopping to catch a nipple between his teeth, flicking his tongue against it and making Lem whine and tighten his grip in Shane's hair.

Shane smirks against his skin again, pleased with every reaction he gets out of Lem. He pinches Lem's other nipple and Lem bucks his hips up into Shane's, making them both moan.

Shane groans as he pulls away from Lem and leans over to the nightstand, opening the drawer and feeling around for the lube. Lem doesn't help at all, running his hands all over Shane's chest and stomach, tracing over Shane's abs one by one. Shane makes a triumphant noise and grabs the lube, twisting the cap off as Lem continues to map out every inch of Shane's skin as if he wants to memorize it.

Shane moves down Lem's body and adjusts him, so his legs are over Shane's shoulders before pouring the lube out into his hand. He slicks his fingers up and gently slides one into Lem. Lem squirms slightly, rocking against him before settling again and Shane adds another one, scissoring them gently, stretching Lem out.

Lem pants beneath him, hips constantly shifting, constantly looking for more as Shane continues to prep him. His hands curl in the sheets, gripping them tightly. Shane adjusts his angle and finds Lem's sweet spot, making him yelp.

Shane grins and quickly pushes another finger inside of Lem, wanting to thrust more than just his fingers into him. Lem grunts, hips shifting restlessly and Shane strokes Lem's cock with his free hand to satisfy him somewhat.

Lem whines in displeasure when Shane lets go of him and pulls his fingers out, momentarily forgetting that he is after something better. Shane gently thrusts into Lem, making him pant and arch his hips to meet Shane's thrusts. Shane takes it slow, gritting his teeth against the pleasure that makes him want to just slam forward into Lem, burying himself in the tight, hot body beneath him.

"Faster." Lem moans, bucking up into Shane.

Shane picks up the pace, thrusting faster and harder into Lem. Lem runs a hand down Shane's chest, teasing his nipples and making him moan. Lem wraps his other hand around his hard cock, stroking in time with Shane's thrusts. Shane groans as he watches him.

"Gonna make yourself come for me? Huh? That what you're going to do?" Shane asks, punctuating each question with a hard thrust and all Lem can do is nod helplessly, hand still stroking.

"That's right, come for me. Say my name when you do." Shane commands him, moving even faster now.

"Oh, oh, fuck, Shane. So close. Just a little more, please, oh fuck!" Lem babbles, not even caring what he's saying.

Shane thrusts hard into him, snapping his hips forward and Lem's gone, orgasm slamming into him, making him clench down around Shane, bringing him into his own orgasm. Shane fucks him through, dragging out the sensation for both of them before stilling. Lem's legs fall from his shoulders and he slips out of Lem, making him shiver.

He lays down beside Lem and they try to catch their breath, hearts beating wildluy in their chests. Lem lifts his head and makes a disgusted noise as he looks down at the come on his stomach and hand.

Shane kisses Lem briefly before getting up and walking into the bathroom, wetting a wash cloth for Lem. He comes back and cleans the mess from Lem's hand and belly, kissing him again. He tosses the cloth back into the bathroom and lays back down on the bed with Lem, pulling the covers over both of them.

He holds his arm out to Lem, who immediately curls into him. Shane wraps it around him before chuckling.

Lem looks up at him with narrowed eyes. "What?"

"Always knew you were a cuddler." Shane snickers.

"Shut up." Lem blushes though, a dark pink flush spreading down from his cheeks to his neck, even down his chest.

Shane only laughs harder, but he kisses Lem's forehead and hugs him closer.

"Just go to sleep." Lem grumbles, but there's a fond amusement in his words.

Shane grins and kisses Lem again before Lem settles down against his side. Shane listens to Lem's breathing evening out, staring up at the darkened ceiling, smile still on his face.

This could definitely work, he decides, and closes his eyes, joining Lem in sleep.