High Impact
Title: High Impact
Rating: PG-13
Fandom: The Shield
Pairings: Shane/Lem, Shane/Mara
Warnings: Amnesia!Fic, AU
Word Count: 9,004
Notes: This is a fusion with the movie, The Vow. So it's AU.
Prompt: Regaining memories at angst_bingo
Summary: All of us have these moments of high impact that define us as people. This is our moment.
They say we have these moments of high impact and that these moments define who we are for the rest of our lives. Whether or not you believe that doesn't matter. The moments happen and they do, for a time at least, define us as a person and influence our actions and how we interact with other people. This is one of those moments for me.
~*~
It's raining. The roads are slick with water and there's hardly anyone else out on the road. They stop at a red light and a wicked smirk crosses over Shane's face. Lem glances over at him with an expectant smile.
“What are you thinking about?” Lem asks.
“We haven't done it in the car in a while.” Shane snickers, fingers already unbuckling his seat belt.
“You're serious?” Lem laughs.
“There's no one else around. Come on. Where's your sense of adventure and excitement?” Shane leans over and presses his mouth against Lem's and Lem might think this is kind of a stupid idea, but it's also a hot idea and he can't say no to Shane when he's kissing him like that anyway.
Neither of them see the eighteen wheeler slide on the wet ground. Neither of them see it coming right at the back of their car. Neither of them notice it until it's slamming into their car and sending them both flying forward.
Lem gets caught on his seat belt. His head smacks against the steering wheel, but only hard enough to bruise. His seat belt jerks him back against his seat and locks him there. His head hurts and there's rain spilling in from the shattered windows. He can feel darkness tugging at him, but he needs to know that Shane is okay. Where is Shane? The darkness pulls him under and he can't fight against it anymore.
When he wakes up next, he's in a hospital. Nurses are cutting his shirt off of him and there's a lot of medical jargon being shouted back and forth. He turns his head slightly, looking for Shane and he catches a glimpse of him through the crowd of medical personnel.
He's in a neck brace and there's blood on his face, some dry, some still dripping slowly down. His eyes are closed and he has an oxygen mask over his face. That's all Lem gets to see before the doctors and nurses close in around him again and the darkness tugs Lem back down into its warm grip. He goes willingly enough, worry still clouding his mind with thoughts of Shane.
The next time he wakes up, he's in a hospital room, on a bed. He blinks at the bright light above him and groans as his head throbs in protest. He raises one hand and winces at the tug and pull of the IV in his hand. Ronnie is suddenly at his side, looking down at him with a relieved look on his face.
"Hey, you're awake." Ronnie grins.
"Yeah. What time is it?" Lem asks, voice hoarse.
"Almost noon. You've slept a whole day away. It's the twenty sixth now." Ronnie says, frowning lightly.
"Still February?" Lem asks, only half serious.
"Yeah, still February." Ronnie nods, grin returning.
"How's Shane?" Lem asks, worry returning full force.
Ronnie frowns. "Not as lucky. He's, uh, he's in the ICU."
Lem's eyes widen. "What? How bad? He's gonna live, right?"
"He's definitely going to live. It's just...Well, he's in a coma. He went through the windshield when the truck slammed into you. Hit his head pretty hard. There's some swelling in his brain." Ronnie explains as gently as possible.
"I want to see him." Lem says immediately.
"We have to get you checked out first." Ronnie says, stepping away from the bed and heading out into the hall to flag down a doctor.
Ronnie returns with a petite brunette holding a clipboard. She writes something down before looking up at Lem with a smile. "How are you feeling, Mister Lemansky?"
"I have a headache. Otherwise fine. When can I see Shane?" Lem asks, worry making him frown at the doctor.
"Soon. We just have to make sure you're okay and then we'll release you." She smiles at him again.
"I feel okay. Just the headache." Lem says.
"That's good. I'm Doctor Williams, by the way." She takes his pulse and blood pressure quickly and efficiently, marking down both on the clipboard.
A few more simple tests to make sure his head is okay from the hit he took on the steering wheel and Lem is cleared. He signs the release forms and takes the bag of clothes that Ronnie brought for him and changes quickly, wanting to see Shane as soon as he can.
"Is Vic here?" Lem asks.
"He's sitting with Shane." Ronnie answers, leading Lem over to the elevators.
The ride up to the forth floor is quiet and slightly tense on Lem's part. He's anxious to see Shane and make sure he's doing as okay as he can be, given the circumstances.
The elevator dings, signaling their arrival and they step out into the hallway that leads to the ICU. Ronnie walks over to the huge steel doors and presses a button on the wall next to them and the nurse manning the door looks up and buzzes them in.
"His room is all the way at the end on the right." Ronnie says, leading the way again.
When they step into the room, Vic looks up and smiles at Lem. "Good to see you up and about, Lem."
Lem nods and walks closer to Shane's side. There are a lot of machines hooked up to him and Lem's never seen Shane look so small and helpless like he does right now in the hospital bed, machines beeping and humming softly next to him.
His chest rises and falls slowly and his eyes are closed. He looks as if he's just sleeping, but Lem knows better. He knows that, no matter how many times he calls out Shane's name, reaches out to shake his shoulder, he knows Shane isn't going to wake up. He's in a coma and he's going to stay in one until his body decides it doesn't need to anymore and that thought terrifies Lem.
Vic and Ronnie exchange a look and Vic says something about getting coffee and then they're gone, leaving Lem alone with Shane. Lem drops heavily down into the chair that Vic was sitting in and scoots it even closer to Shane's bedside. He picks up Shane's hand, careful of the IV line running out of it and laces their fingers together. He bows his head over their clasped hands and sighs heavily. He doesn't know what to do, doesn't know what to say. He's not even sure if Shane would hear him even if he did know what to say.
Nurses come by and record Shane's vital signs periodically, but other than that, they don't say anything, somehow sensing Lem's need for silence. Vic and Ronnie have retreated into the ICU waiting room, cups of bad coffee in hand, to let Lem have his time with Shane. Shane doesn't wake up that day. He doesn't wake up that night either. Vic and Ronnie try to convince Lem to go home, but Lem refuses, staying by Shane's bedside all night long. He's allowed this only because he's listed as Shane's emergency contact on his medical file, otherwise he would have to leave after visiting hours were over, like Vic and Ronnie do.
~*~
It's a long and tiring week for Lem, but it's worth it in the end because Shane wakes up. He opens his eyes and looks around the room, confusion on his face. Lem is talking to the nurse just outside the room when they both come in and see that Shane is awake.
"Mister Vandrell! It's good to see you're awake. How are you feeling?" The nurse comes around to his bedside and smiles down at him, checking IV lines and the various machines.
"Groggy. My head hurts. Why am I in the hospital?" Shane asks, looking between Lem standing at the end of his bed and the nurse standing next to him.
"You were in a car accident. You've sustained a serious brain injury, but it seems to be healing quite nicely. Let me get your doctor. I'll be right back." The nurse smiles at him once more before slipping out of the room.
"Oh, thank God, Shane. I was so worried you weren't going to wake up. You had us all terrified. Ronnie and Vic have been up here every day with me." Lem babbles, happy and relieved.
Shane looks at him blankly. "Who are you?"
The words make Lem's breath catch in his throat and suddenly his world goes very, very still. He stares at Shane who's looking at him like he's a stranger because, to Shane, he is now. He's a stranger to his own husband.
"You don't know who I am?" Lem whispers, looking vaguely horrified.
"No, sorry. Have we met? Are you a friend of Mara's?" Shane asks, tilting his head up at Lem.
"Shane, what year is it?" Lem asks slowly, fearing the answer.
"2008, why?" Shane frowns at him.
"Oh my God." Lem feels like he's going to collapse.
Just then, the nurse and the doctor walk inside the room and begin talking to Shane and soon learn of his memory loss. Lem can't handle it all and excuses himself, leaning against the wall outside the door, feeling like his world is crashing down on him.
The doctor, Doctor Williams, comes back out and stands in front of him. "Mister Vandrell suffered a serious brain injury. Memory loss is common in these cases. There's a good chance that he'll remember everything he doesn't right now. He's very lucky that memory loss appears to be the only issue with the injury. He'll be moved to another room since he no longer need the ICU and he should be out within the week, provided there are no complications."
“Lucky is not how I would put it.” Lem grumbles, but he sighs a moment later.
“I know this is hard for you, but you have to have faith and patience.” Doctor Williams says, resting a hand briefly on Lem's shoulder.
"Easier said than done when your husband doesn't even remember who you are, much less that you're married. He still thinks he's with his ex fiancee right now." Lem sighs again and scrubs a hand down his face.
"Everything will work out." Doctor Williams says and steps back into the room, giving Shane one last check over before clearing him to move to a different room off the ICU floor.
Lem leaves for a little while and spends some time at home. It's not the best option because there are traces of Shane and their life all over the place. Of course there is. It's their home. He takes a shower and looks in the kitchen for food he really doesn't want and waits as long as he can before going back up to the hospital and seeing Shane in his new room.
When he gets there, Mara is sitting beside Shane, holding his hand and laughing at something he says. She glances up when Lem knocks on the side of the door, leaning against it tiredly.
"I'll be right back, babe." She leans over and kisses Shane on the cheek before getting up and walking out, shutting the door behind her.
She glares at Lem. "What are you doing here?"
"Visiting my husband. What are you doing here, Mara?" Lem doesn't bother to keep his irritation out of his voice.
"He doesn't even remember who you are, much less that you're married. He still thinks we're engaged and the doctor says we shouldn't stress him out. He's happy, Lem. You're just going to have to deal with that fact." Mara holds her ground and smirks at Lem, thinking she's won.
"He's my husband, Mara. Not yours. He broke up with you, remember? You don't have any right to be here." Lem glares back.
"Doesn't matter what happened in the past if he doesn't remember it, does it?" Mara says, angry now.
"He will! Maybe not in the next five minutes, but he'll remember and he's not going to appreciate you trying to worm your way back into his life using his injury as an excuse." Lem rolls his eyes at her.
"What if he never remembers?" She asks.
Lem doesn't have an answer to that. "He will remember."
"But if he doesn't, then he's mine. Not yours. You'll have lost him and you'll never get him back again." Mara smirks again, vicious.
Lem shakes his head and pushes past her into the room. "Shane, do you know who I am?"
"You were here earlier when I was in the ICU. I didn't get your name though, sorry." Shane looks up at him, gaze flicking between him and Mara, who's standing in the door way.
"My name is Curtis Lemansky, but everyone calls me Lem. We met in 2008. We started dating. We've been married for two years now. You're not engaged to Mara and you haven't been for four years. Do you remember any of this?" Lem asks, a tinge of desperation coloring his words.
Shane looks shocked as he stares up at Lem. Lem twists his wedding band around and around on his finger, a nervous habit.
"Lem, you can't just drop all of that on him with no warning!" Mara shrieks, pushing past Lem and sitting back down in the chair beside Shane and cupping his face in her hands.
Shane pulls away from her grasp. "Is that true?"
"I would never lie to you." Lem says, staring at Shane.
"Shane, baby, it's okay that you don't remember. I'll help you through this." Mara strokes his face again, but he pulls back a second time.
"You let me believe something that wasn't true." He frowns at her.
"Well, I thought it would be best to see what you remembered on your own. The doctor said we shouldn't stress you out too much." Mara says, trying to cover her tracks.
"I'm gonna go now. I'll be back tomorrow." Lem says, watching Shane carefully.
"You go too. I need some time to think all this over." Shane tells Mara.
She looks like she wants to protest, but keeps her mouth shut and grabs her purse and storms out, heels clicking on the floor.
Lem heads for the door himself, but Shane calls his name and he turns around.
"Promise you'll be back tomorrow?" Shane asks, looking slightly hopeful.
"Yeah, I promise." Lem smiles.
Going home is hard for Lem to handle. The life he's built here with Shane and Shane doesn't even remember it haunts him in a way that nothing ever has. He just wants Shane home with him, laying in bed with him. He just wants him back and he wants him to remember.
He doesn't sleep well that night. He never does without Shane.
He returns to the hospital the next morning, only to find Mara there again, actually laying in bed with Shane. He knocks on the door and then walks in, looking at Mara.
Before he can say anything to her, the doctor follows him in and begins checking Shane over. "Everything looks good, Mister Vandrell. You should be released within a day or so."
"I have a question." Mara says. She's moved to the chair beside the bed, so the doctor could check everything over.
"I'll be happy to answer it." Dr. Williams smiles at her.
"Wouldn't it be better for Shane to come home with me since he remembers me? Better for his stress, I mean." She smirks at Lem while she says this.
Doctor Williams frowns and glances over at Shane. "It's hard to make any definitive answers or decisions about brain injuries and even harder with memory loss. In my professional opinion, for Mister Vandrell to regain his memory the fastest way would be to go home and start settling back into his normal routine. That would definitely help jog his memory, I think."
"So he would be better off with me, then?" Lem asks, glaring at Mara.
"If that's his home and deals with his normal routine, then yes, but ultimately, it is up to Mister Vandrell as to whom he goes home with." Doctor Williams explains, polite but firm.
She nods to them and takes her leave, clearly ready to be out of the mounting tension in the room.
"Shane, honey, don't you think you would be better with me?" Mara turns on Shane with a sickeningly sweet smile.
"You just heard the doctor tell us he would have a better chance at getting his memory back if he goes home and settles into his normal routine and that is not with you." Lem snaps, folding his arms over his chest.
"I didn't ask you, Curtis." Mara says coldly, glaring at Lem.
"Well, it's up to Shane anyway." Lem looks back at Shane, who's watching them with a half amused, half exasperated look on his face.
"I think it's better if I go with Mara. I mean, at least I know her. I don't really know you. Sorry." Shane says, looking up at Lem.
Lem's shoulders slump and he nods. "Yeah, okay."
"I mean, you could be some totally crazy person making all of this up and I wouldn't know, am I right? How can you prove to someone who doesn't remember them that they loved you?" Shane asks with a shrug.
Mara looks triumphant and Lem's not the violent type and he's never even thought about hitting a woman, but in that moment, he really wants to slap that smug look off her face.
"Okay. Just be safe and careful, okay?" Lem says, giving Shane a small smile before walking back out the door.
He nearly runs into Vic and Ronnie as they exit the elevator.
"How's Lem doing?" Vic asks, smiling at Lem.
"He doesn't remember me. He thinks he's still engaged to Mara. I've lost him." Lem says through numb lips.
"You're serious?" Ronnie asks as the smile slides off of Vic's face.
"Yeah. He should know the two of you though. You can go see him." Lem shakes off their concern and gets on the elevator, heading back down to the ground floor. He doesn't cry until he's sitting in his car and then he presses his hands to his face and sobs desperately, letting out all the pain.
He sits there for another ten minutes, staring at nothing and everything before he convinces himself that he'll be slightly less miserable at home, but that's a lie because it's not really home. Not without Shane there and Shane might never be there again. He's with Mara again and she's getting everything she wants while Lem is losing everything he wants.
He twists the wedding band on his finger again and stares down at it. The lamplight glints off of it, gold and bright.
How do you prove to someone that you've built a life with them for the last two years when they don't even remember your name? He really doesn't know.
~*~
He heads to the hospital the next morning again, just in time to see Mara helping Shane pack up the last of his things and help him slide into his coat.
“You asked for proof that you love me. It's not much, but I have something. A voicemail.” Lem says, walking into the room.
Mara glares daggers at him and Shane looks interested. “Play it. Let's hear it.”
Lem holds up his phone, dials his voicemail and puts it on the speaker.
“Hey babe. I know you're at work right now, but I found this picture I took of us and I didn't remember that I took it and now I'm just kind of missing you. Call me later. Love you.”
Lem hangs up his phone. Mara glares at it like she wants to throw it against the wall. Shane gives Lem a small smile.
“Well, that's definitely my voice.” Shane says, chuckling slightly.
“Come on, hon. We've got to get going.” Mara rests her hand on Shane's shoulder.
“If you'll give me the chance, I'll show you how much we love each other.” Lem says, looking at Shane.
“You can't be serious. He's coming home with me.” Mara snaps at Lem.
“Do you really love me that much?” Shane asks, frowning lightly at Lem.
“Yes.” Lem doesn't hesitate.
“I'm gonna give him a chance.” Shane says, turning to look at Mara.
Lem sighs in relief while Mara sputters behind Shane.
“You don't even know him, Shane, and you're going to go home with him?” Her voice raises several octaves and both Lem and Shane wince.
“If he hasn't given up on me so far, I have to give him a chance. It's obvious he loves me if he's willing to stick around even when he knows I don't remember the last four years or him.” Shane shakes his head and tugs his arm out of Mara's hand.
She glares at them both. “Fine.”
She storms out, throwing the door open as she goes.
In the sudden silence of her departure, neither man is quite sure what to say to fill the silence. Then Lem reaches into his pocket and pull out a gold ring and holds it out to Shane.
“It's your wedding ring. You don't have to wear it if you don't want to, but it's yours, so you should have it.” Lem explains.
Shane takes the ring from him and looks it over, reading the inscription on the inside.
And love was you
“Mine says 'For I found love'.” Lem says, smiling slightly.
Shane smiles back, unsure of what to say. He turns the ring over and over his hands, liking the weight of it.
He slides it into his pocket, not quite ready to wear it, but still wanting it. Lem helps him gather the last of his things and they head to the nurses' station to sign the release papers and then they're heading for the elevators.
They don't really speak until they're in the car.
“Thank you.” Lem says as he starts the car.
“For what?” Shane asks, glancing over at him.
“Giving me a chance.” Lem flashes him a quick smile.
Shane grins back, finding it easy to be around Lem. Lem drives them home and Shane wants to ask questions, but he's not sure where to start. The basics, he supposes.
"So do I have a job or something?" He shifts to face Lem as best he can in the car.
"Yeah, you're a freelance photographer. You've done some magazines and web sites before. You've been featured in some art galleries too." Lem nods, glancing occasionally at Shane.
"What do you do?" Shane asks, nodding.
"I own a recording studio." Lem says, stopping at a red light.
"That must be fun." Shane says, a slight smile tugging at his mouth.
"It can be. Mostly it's a lot of work. More than you'd think." Lem smirks, beginning to drive again.
"How did we met?" Shane asks with some hesitation.
"At a bar with friends." Lem replies.
"When did we get married?" Shane takes the ring out of his pocket and looks it over again, reading the inscription.
"October 23rd, 2009. We got married inside the bar we met at." Lem smiles at the memory.
All too soon, they're home and Lem turns off the car and gets out, Shane following suit.
"Home sweet home." Lem says, gesturing at apartment.
He unlocks the door and steps aside, letting Shane walk in ahead of him. Lem guides him down the entrance way with a hand on his lower back and is pleased when Shane doesn't shake him off. He leads Shane into the living room, letting him look around as much as he likes.
"Want anything from the kitchen?" Lem asks, heading in there.
"Uh, beer, if you have it." Shane takes a seat on the coffee table, picking up a stack of photographs and flicking through them.
"Those are your latest batch of photos. I don't know what you were working on. All you'd tell me was it was a surprise and I wasn't allowed to look." Lem says as he comes back in with two beers.
"I guess it doesn't matter now since I don't even know." Shane tosses the photos back on the table carelessly and Lem winces slightly. Shane, the Shane before the accident, would never have just tosses his photos down like that. He was finicky about them and treated them as if they were made out of gold.
“Do you want to go down and see your studio?” Lem asks, hoping he will.
“No. I don't want to see it.” Shane snaps, clearly getting frustrated.
“Hey, it was just a question. Calm down.” Lem says with a sigh.
“Don't fucking tell me to calm down.” Shane glares at Lem fiercely.
Lem stares at him for a moment, shocked. “This isn't like you, Shane.”
“How can I be like me, the me you know, when I don't fucking remember who that person is?” Shane yells at Lem, throwing his arms up.
“Shane, please. We don't talk to each other like this.” Lem reaches out to rest his hand on Shane's shoulder, only to have him shove his hand away.
A flash of hurt shows on Lem's face. Shane sighs, anger draining away now. “I'm sorry.”
Lem nods, accepting it. He doesn't want to fight with Shane. It always feels so wrong to fight with Shane.
Shane doesn't really seem to be in the mood to talk, so Lem clicks the TV on and hands Shane the remote, letting him channel surf. Shane used to hate when Lem would channel surf, snapping at him to just pick a channel. Lem would grin and keep doing and that would lead to a wrestling match on the couch which would lead to something more. He shakes those thoughts away because he's sure this Shane wouldn't appreciate any sort of attempt as some physical contact like that.
"I'm gonna grab a shower. You can take the bed, I'll take the couch." Lem offers and sees Shane nod, draining the last of his beer. Lem gets up and stretches, heading for the bathroom, tugging his shirt off as he goes.
Twenty minutes later, he walks into the bedroom and sees Shane sitting on the edge of the bed, looking through a picture album. Lem adjusts the towel around his waist and doesn't say anything. He digs around in his side of the closet and pulls out a t-shirt and then grabs a pair of boxers from the dresser.
He's suddenly hit with a wave of intense longing for Shane, his Shane. Shane before accident. He fights back the tears and sighs heavily, walking back into the bathroom to change. He never notices the look Shane gives him as he walks away.
~*~
The next morning, Shane walks into the kitchen, greeted by the smell of coffee and the sight of Lem sitting at the kitchen table, fully dressed, reading the news paper. He looks up when Shane walks in.
"Morning." Shane yawns, shuffling over to the coffee maker.
"Good morning." Lem says, eyes dropping back to the paper in his hands.
Shane pours himself a cup of coffee and drinks it as is. Lem pretends he doesn't notice. Shane never drank his coffee black before. He always added sugar and cream to it. That was before the accident.
Everything seems to be split into two times now for Lem. Shane before the accident and Shane after the accident. How is this ever going to work out? He still loves Shane, but Shane isn't really Shane anymore, it seems. Sure, he's there fundamentally, but the last four years are gone and with that, everything that made Shane his Shane is gone.
The Shane that sits in the kitchen now is a stranger to him. He didn't know the Shane that was engaged to Mara. Didn't know the Shane that wanted to be a lawyer. He doesn't know the person in front of him, despite the fact that they're married. This person is a complete stranger to him and, what's worse, is he can remember everything Shane's forgotten. He knows the person Shane used to be and Shane doesn't.
"So what do I usually do in the mornings?" Shane asks, breaking into Lem's thoughts.
"Huh? Oh, you usually make the coffee, but since I was already up, I did. We eat, talk for a bit, then I go to work and you usually go down to your studio. Do you want to see it?" Lem asks, looking back up at Shane.
Shane thinks about it for a moment. "Not today."
"You sure?" Lem presses.
"Yeah. Not today." Shane shakes his head.
"Alright. Then you usually pay the bills and balance the checkbook online, but I guess you don't remember any of the passwords or log in info, do you?" Lem frowns slightly.
"Nope, afraid not." Shane smiles weakly.
"Then I guess you can do whatever you want today. Have a free day." Lem shrugs.
"You're going into the studio today?" Shane asks, looking curious.
"Yeah, or Danny is going to have my head. I've left it to her the past week or so and she's pissed at me." Lem chuckles.
"Okay. I'll take a look around, maybe go out." Shane nods.
"Well, if you do, here's your cell phone. My number is in there along with Vic's and Ronnie's. Here are your keys. I gotta go in now. I'll see you later." Lem says, grabbing the phone and key ring from the counter and setting them beside Shane's mug. He leans over and kisses Shane's cheek before heading out the door.
Shane presses his hand to the spot where Lem had kissed him, ignoring the warm flush it sent through his body. He finishes up his coffee and snags his keys from the table, heading into the bedroom to get dressed for the day. He wants to take a look around the town, see if anything jogs his memory. He tugs on a pair of jeans and a shirt, slipping a pair of boots on that look like they might be his. He's pleased when they fit. He finds a wallet on the dresser and opens it, finding his license and some cash and credit cards in there, along with some photos of him and Lem and their friends inside.
He walks out the door, tucking his keys into his pocket and shutting the door behind him. He walks on down the street, enjoying the fresh air when he comes across a cute little cafe called Cafe Mnemosyne and he walks in, sniffing at the air. It's smells like coffee and warm bread and it's pleasant. He looks in the glass cases along the front counter, hungry now.
He gets to the register. "Hi, can I have the chocolate chip muffin and a cup of coffee, please?"
The cashier looks up at him and smiles. "You don't want your usual?"
"I have a usual here? The usual then." Shane says, grinning at her.
She arches an eyebrow at him, but smiles back and goes to get his 'usual', which turns out to be a White Chocolate Mocha latte and a fudge brownie with raspberries.
Not the healthiest of breakfasts, but it's good and he munches on the brownie as he heads out again, not really sure where he's going and not really caring. There's got to be something around here that he knows and will help him remember. He finishes the latte and brownie and walks with his hands tucked away in his pockets, suddenly uneasy for some reason.
He keeps walking, taking random turns wherever he feels like it and soon he realises he's lost. He feels around in his pockets, but comes up only with his wallet and keys. No cell phone.
With a sigh, he walks into the nearest building, an office of some sort, and asks the receptionist if he can please use the phone as he seems to have forgotten his cell phone. She smiles and nods, turning it around to face him. He calls Mara, the only number he can remember and waits for her to pick up.
She gets there fifteen minutes later and Shane is leaning against the outside of the building, frowning down at his feet.
"Shane, honey, are you okay?" She gets out and rushes over to him, pulling him into a hug.
He pats her back and untangles himself from her. "I'm fine. I just forgot my phone and I don't know where I am and I couldn't remember the way back. Sorry for calling, but yours was the only number I know by heart."
"Don't be sorry. I'm glad you called me. Let's go." She grabs his hand and leads him to her car. He holds on to her this time.
"You should come stay with me. Obviously it's not good for you to be staying with Lem." Mara says, slipping her sunglasses back on.
"It's not his fault I decided to go out and forget my phone." Shane points out.
"I know, but I still think you'd be better off with me. At least you know who I am. I'm not a stranger to you." Mara says reasonably as she drives along.
"I suppose. Where are we going?" Shane asks.
"Back to my apartment. I don't want you to be alone right now." Mara turns her head and smiles at him.
Shane nods, not offering up any protest. Maybe she's right. Maybe he would be better off with her. He knows who she is. He remembers her. He feels comfortable with her. He is thankful to Lem for trying so hard and still loving him, but maybe it's better with Mara.
"We're here." Mara pulls into her parking spot and gets out of the car. Shane does the same and falls in step behind Mara, letting her lead the way up the stairs to her place.
She opens the door and he's struck by just how much he remembers. She never moved after they broke up. Sure, there's some changes here and there, furniture rearranged and the pictures are different, but he still remembers this place and it feels more like home than Lem's apartment did. Suddenly he really wants to stay. She smiles at him, as if sensing his thoughts, and tells him to take his shoes off before going into the living room. He remembers that too. There's a white carpet in the living room and Mara forbade any shoes ever step on it and ruin it.
He kicks off his boots and pads into the living room with socked feet and stares. He really does remember this place. The furniture isn't quite in the same places and there's new widescreen TV against one wall, but it still manages to feel like home. Like the home he left when he left Mara. He doesn't even remember why he left her in the first place.
She guides him to the couch and asks if he wants anything. He pulls her down gently next to him. "Can I ask you something?"
"Anything." She says.
"Why did we break up?" Shane asks, knowing this is very loaded question.
She looks away from him for a moment, hands twisting together in her lap before she stills and looks up at him. "First off, you broke up with me. You said you felt like you had some sort of unfinished business in life and you weren't going to accomplish it by becoming a lawyer and following in your father's footsteps. It wasn't what you wanted and you wanted time to explore other things in life. Those other things didn't include me or marriage, I guess."
"I just...when I walked in here, it felt like home. Like I remembered it. Lem's place doesn't feel like this. Lem doesn't feel like this to me. I don't know if I'll get my memories back and, if I do, I don't want to lead both of you on, but right here, right now, I still love you, Mara." Shane admits, voice soft.
She gasps, hand rising to cover her mouth. "Do you mean that?"
"Yes, but I don't want to start something and end up getting my memories back and hurting you again. I don't want to hurt Lem either. I don't know what to do." Shane sinks back into the couch and scrubs his hands down his face.
Mara takes his hands and presses a kiss to each one. "We can figure it out together, if you'll give me the chance. I know there's a chance you'll get your memories back and you'll want to go back to Lem, but for now, can we try?"
Shane looks at her and he knows he loves her, feels that he loves her. He also knows that he should love Lem. He's married to Lem, Lem loves him, still loves him even though Shane doesn't even remember him or anything about their life together. He rubs one hand unconsciously down his thigh and he feels something round and hard in his pocket. His wedding ring. It doesn't mean much to him now. He doesn't remember his wedding, doesn't remember if he asked Lem or if Lem asked him. He doesn't remember his vows or the ceremony. He does know what the wedding ring symbolizes though and he doesn't want to hurt Lem even more if he were to break those vows, no matter if he remembers them or not.
"Let me think about it?" He asks her, smiling. He reaches up and tucks a strand of hair behind her ear and the gesture feels so familiar, like he's done it a million times before.
She studies him a moment, eyes sad and hopeful at the same time. "Okay. Take all the time you need. Just let me know."
"I will." Shane nods firmly. He can't imagine now why he would leave her then.
"Thank you." She whispers and kisses his cheek in the same place that Lem did this morning.
"We, uh, we were together for two years, right?" He asks, clearing his throat after a moment.
"Two and a half." She corrects, a teasing smile on her lips.
"Right. Two and a half. I proposed at our favorite restaurant. Ring in the glass of champagne." He's mostly talking to himself now. These are the things he remembers. He can remember these things. They come forth easy when he calls them to mind. When he tries to think of more recent things, like his last birthday, there's a giant blank in his memory, like someone erased the tape or something.
It gives him a headache if he tries to remember too much for too long.
"I guess I should be taking you back home now. I'm sure Lem is freaking out by now since you're not home and you don't have your cell on you." Mara smirks, looking too pleased at the idea of Lem worrying alone at home, no idea where Shane is and no way to get a hold of him.
"Yeah, better not make him wait any more." Shane nods and stands, pulling Mara to her feet. She fits in his arms easily and it's so familiar. She's so familiar. The scent of vanilla and lavender drifts up to him and he breathes it in, relishing the flood of warmth and affection the scent gives him.
She looks up at him and slowly leans forward, giving him time to back away if he wants to. He doesn't.
She presses her mouth against his and then they're both gone, hands sliding over each other, lips moving against one another. She pulls away first, looking startled.
"Are you sure this is what you want?" She asks, a rare flash of hesitation on her face.
"Yes. Is this what you want?" Shane cups her face in his hands and strokes her cheekbones with his thumbs.
"Yes. For so long now." She leans back up and kisses him again.
"Stay with me." She says when they break apart again.
"What about Lem?" Shane asks, frowning at the thought of the other man.
"Just explain to him how you feel now. I'm sure he'll understand." Mara waves off his concern for Lem.
"If you're sure." He says, still not completely convinced.
"I am. Let's go. We'll get your things and we'll bring them back here. You have no idea how happy you've made me." Mara smiles brightly at him.
He smiles back and takes her hand, walking to the front door with her. The ride to Lem's place is filled with Mara's excited conversation. Shane lets it wash over him, occasionally adding in a comment here and there, but mostly he just sort of listens and stares out the window and thinks about Lem.
Mara bangs on the door when they get there and Lem throws the door open, looking stressed and worried. "Mara? What are you doing here?"
"Shane called me this morning. I assume you've been wondering where he's been. He got lost in the city and didn't have his phone, so he called me and I picked him up." Mara pushes past Lem into the apartment. Shane follows after a moment, smiling apologetically at Lem as he walks past him.
"Her number was the only one I could remember." He says.
Lem nods, breathing a sigh of relief. He rakes a hand through his messy hair and smiles at Shane. "I'm just glad you're okay. I've been worried sick about you."
"Sorry." Shane says, reaching out impulsively, as if he's going to grab Lem's hand, but then he drops his arm and shifts uneasily.
Lem ignores the gesture. "Thanks, Mara. I'm glad he had you to call."
"You won't be in a minute. Shane's decided to come back home and live with me." Mara says, facing Lem and folding her arms across her chest.
Lem stares at them. "Why? Shane, I thought we were going to try to make this work."
"Well, it's not, if today was anything to go by." Mara answers.
"I wasn't talking to you. I was asking my husband why he suddenly think it's a great idea to go live with his ex-fiancee instead of his husband." Lem's voice is hard, but there's a note of pain underneath his words.
"I just think it's the best choice for now. It's nothing against you, Lem, I swear. I just...I remember Mara. I know her apartment. It's not strange and unfamiliar to me like you and this place are. I'm sorry." Shane rubs the back of his neck, looking very uncomfortable.
"Did I do something to push you away, Shane? I know we had that fight last night, but I thought we were okay." Lem looks confused now and it's starting to get to Shane.
"I just want to be somewhere familiar. Mara is familiar. I'm sorry." Shane looks to Mara and then back to Lem.
"If this is what you want then." Lem nods, defeat making his shoulders sag.
"It is." Shane says with a nod.
"We'll be packing some of Shane's things up. I'll send for the rest later this week." Mara smoothly interrupts the conversation.
Lem just nods, too tired to even bother with an argument.
Shane and Mara go into the bedroom and pack some of Shane's clothing and the various things he needs for the next few days and then they're coming back into the living room.
Lem is on the couch, tapping absently on his phone. He glances up at them. "Leaving now?"
"Yes." Mara says.
Shane steps towards him and holds out his wedding ring. "I figured you'd want this back. It probably means more to you than it does me."
Lem takes the ring from him and stares at it for a moment before handing it back. "No, I gave it to you. It's yours. Do whatever you want with it."
Shane slips the ring back into his pocket and nods. He and Mara make their way out of the apartment, leaving Lem on his own.
He's lost Shane completely then. He always knew there was a chance he wouldn't get Shane, his Shane, back from this, but he never thought he'd lose Shane completely and to Mara, of all people.
His heart aches and his throat closes up, tears springing to his eyes. He swallows thickly and swipes a hand across his face before getting up and pulling a beer from the fridge. He goes back to the couch and pulls a box off the coffee table towards him and opens the lid. In the box are all the things that Shane saved back when they were dating.
Each thing is a memory, a story to tell.
Here's the menu of the bar where they first met. Lem's scribbled his cell phone number on the corner for Shane.
Lem heads for the bar, being the one that got sent to get the drinks for his friends. Beside him is a man he's never seen before and he nods at him with a smile before turning to look at the bartender. The green of the man's eyes linger in his mind long after he goes back to the table and delivers the drinks. The man has an easy smile as well from when he returned Lem's own smile of greeting. Lem's surprised then, when Vic calls someone over, clearly recognizing someone the others don't know. The man walks over to them and Lem is shocked to find that it's the man from the bar.
"Guys, this is Shane, an old friend of mine. Shane, this is Lem, Ronnie, Terry, and Danny." Vic introduces them all.
Shane smiles at them. "Nice to meet y'all."
A chorus of agreements echo around the table.
"Come on, have a drink with us." Vic urges.
Lem finds himself hoping the man will accept the offer and is pleased when he does. He takes a seat next to Lem and Vic pours him a beer.
The rest of the night is spent in a haze of laughter and beer, jokes and stories being passed around the table more freely for Shane's benefit.
At the end of the night, Shane lingers at the table as they all start saying their goodbyes and heading out before they get too drunk to drive home safely.
Lem looks at him and asks if he needs a ride. He doesn't, but he does want something else.
"What?" Lem asks, arching an eyebrow at him.
Shane smirks and leans forward, the dim lights of the bar casting shadows across his face. "Your number."
Lem had stared at him for a moment before blushing slightly and scribbling it down on the edge of the closest piece of paper to him, a menu.
More memories and trinkets scatter out as Lem dumps the box out onto the cushion beside him. There's the ring box that their wedding bands came in. There's a note that Lem had scribbled to him one night.
The last thing that falls from the box is their vows. Both of them had written them down in a hurry. Lem traces a finger over the words Shane had spoken to him that had bound them together and sighs, reading them over one last time.
I vow to help you love life, to always hold you with tenderness and to have the patience that love demands, to speak when words are needed and to share the silence when they are not. I vow to live within the warmth of your heart and always call it home.
He blinks away tears and rereads his own vows with a heavy heart.
I vow to fiercely love you in all your forms, now and forever. I promise to never forget that this is a once in a lifetime love. I love to love you and no matter what challenges might carry us apart, we will always find a way back to each other.
He puts everything back in the box and shuts it, placing it back on the table. He misses Shane something fierce, but maybe this is the way everything is supposed to work out. He refuses to believe that he and Shane could have ever fallen out of love any other way. Their love was way too strong for that. He thought they could overcome anything.
Lem gets up and goes into the bedroom, changing for bed. He lays in the empty bed and wishes Shane was with him. He doesn't get any sleep that night.
He stumbles into work the next morning, dark circles ringing his eyes and a coffee clutched in one hand. Danny frowns at him, but doesn't say anything. She knows that he's had a bad night and there's nothing to be said for it. Nothing that he wants to hear and nothing she hasn't said already anyway.
The band that they're working with today is actually pretty good and soon Lem is able to focus on the music and push all other thoughts out of his mind. Everything runs smoothly and they manage to get two tracks down for the day. Not bad if he does say so himself.
He stays late, long after Danny goes home, to get some paperwork finished. He half-expects Shane to call him and ask why he isn't home, but of course, that call never comes. He comes home to an empty house. He goes to sleep in an empty bed.
~*~
Shane tosses and turns that night, flashes of memories flicking through his dreams. Lem smiling at him, eating dinner with him, watching TV with him, laughing with him, grinning up at him.
He remembers the sound of Lem's laughter, the feel of his bare skin pressing against Shane's, the soft kisses that turned more passionate.
He sits up in bed with a gasp, rubbing a hand down his face. He doesn't remember everything, but he remembers enough. He really does love Lem.
He gets out of bed and tugs on his shirt and jeans, trying not to bump into anything and wake Mara up. He walks into the kitchen and leans over the sink, splashing his face with the cold water. He grabs his cell phone off the table and calls Lem, praying that he'll answer.
~*~
Lem is jolted out of his sleep by his ringing cell phone. He looks around, confused for a moment, before answering it.
“'Lo?” He yawns.
“Lem! I wasn't sure if you'd answer.” The voice on the other end exclaims.
“Shane?” Lem blinks, now more awake.
“Yeah, it's me. Listen, I don't remember everything, but I remember enough. Can I, will you let me come home?” Shane asks, suddenly nervous.
“Of course. Always.” There's no hesitation in Lem's voice.
“Could you come get me then? I don't want to wake Mara up.” Shane asks.
“Yeah. I'll be there soon.” Lem smiles even though Shane can't see it.
“Thanks. Also, I love you, Lem. So much.” Shane smiles as well.
“I love you too. I'm on my way.” Lem promises before hanging up.
He gets dressed faster than he's ever done before and he's sure he breaks a few speeding limits on the way over to Mara's, but he doesn't care. He sends a quick text to Shane, letting him know he's there and Shane comes out, shutting the front door quietly behind him.
He gets into the car and leans across the seat, pressing his mouth against Lem's before either of them have the chance to say anything. He curls his fingers around Lem's neck and pulls him in as close as he can in the cramped space between them.
“God, I've missed you so much.” Lem says when they part.
“I know. I can't even imagine how it must have been for you. Thank you for still believing in us. I don't know if I could have dealt with it like you did.” Shane admits, squirming with the honesty and vulnerability of that statement.
“I love you. No matter what.” Lem says, stroking Shane's cheek.
“I love you too. And I think it's time I put this back on.” Shane digs in his pocket for a moment before pulling out his wedding ring and slipping it back on his finger where it belongs.
Lem smiles at him, pulling him into another kiss.
Shane's grinning as they part. “Let's get out of here.”
Lem nods and pulls out of the driveway. “What are you going to tell Mara?”
“I left her a letter, explaining everything. She'll probably call in the morning, freaking out. It doesn't matter right now. All that matters is that we're back together.” Shane says with a nod.
“Yeah. You're right.” Lem smiles at him again.
They go home together, just like they're meant to be.
~*~
We have these moments of high impact in life. These moments are of significant importance and they define who we are as people in a lot of ways. These moments can either make or break you, depending on how you handle them. For me, though, the moment cemented a lifelong commitment to the man I love and made me more secure in the fact that we'll always find our way back to one another, no matter what.
Rating: PG-13
Fandom: The Shield
Pairings: Shane/Lem, Shane/Mara
Warnings: Amnesia!Fic, AU
Word Count: 9,004
Notes: This is a fusion with the movie, The Vow. So it's AU.
Prompt: Regaining memories at angst_bingo
Summary: All of us have these moments of high impact that define us as people. This is our moment.
They say we have these moments of high impact and that these moments define who we are for the rest of our lives. Whether or not you believe that doesn't matter. The moments happen and they do, for a time at least, define us as a person and influence our actions and how we interact with other people. This is one of those moments for me.
~*~
It's raining. The roads are slick with water and there's hardly anyone else out on the road. They stop at a red light and a wicked smirk crosses over Shane's face. Lem glances over at him with an expectant smile.
“What are you thinking about?” Lem asks.
“We haven't done it in the car in a while.” Shane snickers, fingers already unbuckling his seat belt.
“You're serious?” Lem laughs.
“There's no one else around. Come on. Where's your sense of adventure and excitement?” Shane leans over and presses his mouth against Lem's and Lem might think this is kind of a stupid idea, but it's also a hot idea and he can't say no to Shane when he's kissing him like that anyway.
Neither of them see the eighteen wheeler slide on the wet ground. Neither of them see it coming right at the back of their car. Neither of them notice it until it's slamming into their car and sending them both flying forward.
Lem gets caught on his seat belt. His head smacks against the steering wheel, but only hard enough to bruise. His seat belt jerks him back against his seat and locks him there. His head hurts and there's rain spilling in from the shattered windows. He can feel darkness tugging at him, but he needs to know that Shane is okay. Where is Shane? The darkness pulls him under and he can't fight against it anymore.
When he wakes up next, he's in a hospital. Nurses are cutting his shirt off of him and there's a lot of medical jargon being shouted back and forth. He turns his head slightly, looking for Shane and he catches a glimpse of him through the crowd of medical personnel.
He's in a neck brace and there's blood on his face, some dry, some still dripping slowly down. His eyes are closed and he has an oxygen mask over his face. That's all Lem gets to see before the doctors and nurses close in around him again and the darkness tugs Lem back down into its warm grip. He goes willingly enough, worry still clouding his mind with thoughts of Shane.
The next time he wakes up, he's in a hospital room, on a bed. He blinks at the bright light above him and groans as his head throbs in protest. He raises one hand and winces at the tug and pull of the IV in his hand. Ronnie is suddenly at his side, looking down at him with a relieved look on his face.
"Hey, you're awake." Ronnie grins.
"Yeah. What time is it?" Lem asks, voice hoarse.
"Almost noon. You've slept a whole day away. It's the twenty sixth now." Ronnie says, frowning lightly.
"Still February?" Lem asks, only half serious.
"Yeah, still February." Ronnie nods, grin returning.
"How's Shane?" Lem asks, worry returning full force.
Ronnie frowns. "Not as lucky. He's, uh, he's in the ICU."
Lem's eyes widen. "What? How bad? He's gonna live, right?"
"He's definitely going to live. It's just...Well, he's in a coma. He went through the windshield when the truck slammed into you. Hit his head pretty hard. There's some swelling in his brain." Ronnie explains as gently as possible.
"I want to see him." Lem says immediately.
"We have to get you checked out first." Ronnie says, stepping away from the bed and heading out into the hall to flag down a doctor.
Ronnie returns with a petite brunette holding a clipboard. She writes something down before looking up at Lem with a smile. "How are you feeling, Mister Lemansky?"
"I have a headache. Otherwise fine. When can I see Shane?" Lem asks, worry making him frown at the doctor.
"Soon. We just have to make sure you're okay and then we'll release you." She smiles at him again.
"I feel okay. Just the headache." Lem says.
"That's good. I'm Doctor Williams, by the way." She takes his pulse and blood pressure quickly and efficiently, marking down both on the clipboard.
A few more simple tests to make sure his head is okay from the hit he took on the steering wheel and Lem is cleared. He signs the release forms and takes the bag of clothes that Ronnie brought for him and changes quickly, wanting to see Shane as soon as he can.
"Is Vic here?" Lem asks.
"He's sitting with Shane." Ronnie answers, leading Lem over to the elevators.
The ride up to the forth floor is quiet and slightly tense on Lem's part. He's anxious to see Shane and make sure he's doing as okay as he can be, given the circumstances.
The elevator dings, signaling their arrival and they step out into the hallway that leads to the ICU. Ronnie walks over to the huge steel doors and presses a button on the wall next to them and the nurse manning the door looks up and buzzes them in.
"His room is all the way at the end on the right." Ronnie says, leading the way again.
When they step into the room, Vic looks up and smiles at Lem. "Good to see you up and about, Lem."
Lem nods and walks closer to Shane's side. There are a lot of machines hooked up to him and Lem's never seen Shane look so small and helpless like he does right now in the hospital bed, machines beeping and humming softly next to him.
His chest rises and falls slowly and his eyes are closed. He looks as if he's just sleeping, but Lem knows better. He knows that, no matter how many times he calls out Shane's name, reaches out to shake his shoulder, he knows Shane isn't going to wake up. He's in a coma and he's going to stay in one until his body decides it doesn't need to anymore and that thought terrifies Lem.
Vic and Ronnie exchange a look and Vic says something about getting coffee and then they're gone, leaving Lem alone with Shane. Lem drops heavily down into the chair that Vic was sitting in and scoots it even closer to Shane's bedside. He picks up Shane's hand, careful of the IV line running out of it and laces their fingers together. He bows his head over their clasped hands and sighs heavily. He doesn't know what to do, doesn't know what to say. He's not even sure if Shane would hear him even if he did know what to say.
Nurses come by and record Shane's vital signs periodically, but other than that, they don't say anything, somehow sensing Lem's need for silence. Vic and Ronnie have retreated into the ICU waiting room, cups of bad coffee in hand, to let Lem have his time with Shane. Shane doesn't wake up that day. He doesn't wake up that night either. Vic and Ronnie try to convince Lem to go home, but Lem refuses, staying by Shane's bedside all night long. He's allowed this only because he's listed as Shane's emergency contact on his medical file, otherwise he would have to leave after visiting hours were over, like Vic and Ronnie do.
~*~
It's a long and tiring week for Lem, but it's worth it in the end because Shane wakes up. He opens his eyes and looks around the room, confusion on his face. Lem is talking to the nurse just outside the room when they both come in and see that Shane is awake.
"Mister Vandrell! It's good to see you're awake. How are you feeling?" The nurse comes around to his bedside and smiles down at him, checking IV lines and the various machines.
"Groggy. My head hurts. Why am I in the hospital?" Shane asks, looking between Lem standing at the end of his bed and the nurse standing next to him.
"You were in a car accident. You've sustained a serious brain injury, but it seems to be healing quite nicely. Let me get your doctor. I'll be right back." The nurse smiles at him once more before slipping out of the room.
"Oh, thank God, Shane. I was so worried you weren't going to wake up. You had us all terrified. Ronnie and Vic have been up here every day with me." Lem babbles, happy and relieved.
Shane looks at him blankly. "Who are you?"
The words make Lem's breath catch in his throat and suddenly his world goes very, very still. He stares at Shane who's looking at him like he's a stranger because, to Shane, he is now. He's a stranger to his own husband.
"You don't know who I am?" Lem whispers, looking vaguely horrified.
"No, sorry. Have we met? Are you a friend of Mara's?" Shane asks, tilting his head up at Lem.
"Shane, what year is it?" Lem asks slowly, fearing the answer.
"2008, why?" Shane frowns at him.
"Oh my God." Lem feels like he's going to collapse.
Just then, the nurse and the doctor walk inside the room and begin talking to Shane and soon learn of his memory loss. Lem can't handle it all and excuses himself, leaning against the wall outside the door, feeling like his world is crashing down on him.
The doctor, Doctor Williams, comes back out and stands in front of him. "Mister Vandrell suffered a serious brain injury. Memory loss is common in these cases. There's a good chance that he'll remember everything he doesn't right now. He's very lucky that memory loss appears to be the only issue with the injury. He'll be moved to another room since he no longer need the ICU and he should be out within the week, provided there are no complications."
“Lucky is not how I would put it.” Lem grumbles, but he sighs a moment later.
“I know this is hard for you, but you have to have faith and patience.” Doctor Williams says, resting a hand briefly on Lem's shoulder.
"Easier said than done when your husband doesn't even remember who you are, much less that you're married. He still thinks he's with his ex fiancee right now." Lem sighs again and scrubs a hand down his face.
"Everything will work out." Doctor Williams says and steps back into the room, giving Shane one last check over before clearing him to move to a different room off the ICU floor.
Lem leaves for a little while and spends some time at home. It's not the best option because there are traces of Shane and their life all over the place. Of course there is. It's their home. He takes a shower and looks in the kitchen for food he really doesn't want and waits as long as he can before going back up to the hospital and seeing Shane in his new room.
When he gets there, Mara is sitting beside Shane, holding his hand and laughing at something he says. She glances up when Lem knocks on the side of the door, leaning against it tiredly.
"I'll be right back, babe." She leans over and kisses Shane on the cheek before getting up and walking out, shutting the door behind her.
She glares at Lem. "What are you doing here?"
"Visiting my husband. What are you doing here, Mara?" Lem doesn't bother to keep his irritation out of his voice.
"He doesn't even remember who you are, much less that you're married. He still thinks we're engaged and the doctor says we shouldn't stress him out. He's happy, Lem. You're just going to have to deal with that fact." Mara holds her ground and smirks at Lem, thinking she's won.
"He's my husband, Mara. Not yours. He broke up with you, remember? You don't have any right to be here." Lem glares back.
"Doesn't matter what happened in the past if he doesn't remember it, does it?" Mara says, angry now.
"He will! Maybe not in the next five minutes, but he'll remember and he's not going to appreciate you trying to worm your way back into his life using his injury as an excuse." Lem rolls his eyes at her.
"What if he never remembers?" She asks.
Lem doesn't have an answer to that. "He will remember."
"But if he doesn't, then he's mine. Not yours. You'll have lost him and you'll never get him back again." Mara smirks again, vicious.
Lem shakes his head and pushes past her into the room. "Shane, do you know who I am?"
"You were here earlier when I was in the ICU. I didn't get your name though, sorry." Shane looks up at him, gaze flicking between him and Mara, who's standing in the door way.
"My name is Curtis Lemansky, but everyone calls me Lem. We met in 2008. We started dating. We've been married for two years now. You're not engaged to Mara and you haven't been for four years. Do you remember any of this?" Lem asks, a tinge of desperation coloring his words.
Shane looks shocked as he stares up at Lem. Lem twists his wedding band around and around on his finger, a nervous habit.
"Lem, you can't just drop all of that on him with no warning!" Mara shrieks, pushing past Lem and sitting back down in the chair beside Shane and cupping his face in her hands.
Shane pulls away from her grasp. "Is that true?"
"I would never lie to you." Lem says, staring at Shane.
"Shane, baby, it's okay that you don't remember. I'll help you through this." Mara strokes his face again, but he pulls back a second time.
"You let me believe something that wasn't true." He frowns at her.
"Well, I thought it would be best to see what you remembered on your own. The doctor said we shouldn't stress you out too much." Mara says, trying to cover her tracks.
"I'm gonna go now. I'll be back tomorrow." Lem says, watching Shane carefully.
"You go too. I need some time to think all this over." Shane tells Mara.
She looks like she wants to protest, but keeps her mouth shut and grabs her purse and storms out, heels clicking on the floor.
Lem heads for the door himself, but Shane calls his name and he turns around.
"Promise you'll be back tomorrow?" Shane asks, looking slightly hopeful.
"Yeah, I promise." Lem smiles.
Going home is hard for Lem to handle. The life he's built here with Shane and Shane doesn't even remember it haunts him in a way that nothing ever has. He just wants Shane home with him, laying in bed with him. He just wants him back and he wants him to remember.
He doesn't sleep well that night. He never does without Shane.
He returns to the hospital the next morning, only to find Mara there again, actually laying in bed with Shane. He knocks on the door and then walks in, looking at Mara.
Before he can say anything to her, the doctor follows him in and begins checking Shane over. "Everything looks good, Mister Vandrell. You should be released within a day or so."
"I have a question." Mara says. She's moved to the chair beside the bed, so the doctor could check everything over.
"I'll be happy to answer it." Dr. Williams smiles at her.
"Wouldn't it be better for Shane to come home with me since he remembers me? Better for his stress, I mean." She smirks at Lem while she says this.
Doctor Williams frowns and glances over at Shane. "It's hard to make any definitive answers or decisions about brain injuries and even harder with memory loss. In my professional opinion, for Mister Vandrell to regain his memory the fastest way would be to go home and start settling back into his normal routine. That would definitely help jog his memory, I think."
"So he would be better off with me, then?" Lem asks, glaring at Mara.
"If that's his home and deals with his normal routine, then yes, but ultimately, it is up to Mister Vandrell as to whom he goes home with." Doctor Williams explains, polite but firm.
She nods to them and takes her leave, clearly ready to be out of the mounting tension in the room.
"Shane, honey, don't you think you would be better with me?" Mara turns on Shane with a sickeningly sweet smile.
"You just heard the doctor tell us he would have a better chance at getting his memory back if he goes home and settles into his normal routine and that is not with you." Lem snaps, folding his arms over his chest.
"I didn't ask you, Curtis." Mara says coldly, glaring at Lem.
"Well, it's up to Shane anyway." Lem looks back at Shane, who's watching them with a half amused, half exasperated look on his face.
"I think it's better if I go with Mara. I mean, at least I know her. I don't really know you. Sorry." Shane says, looking up at Lem.
Lem's shoulders slump and he nods. "Yeah, okay."
"I mean, you could be some totally crazy person making all of this up and I wouldn't know, am I right? How can you prove to someone who doesn't remember them that they loved you?" Shane asks with a shrug.
Mara looks triumphant and Lem's not the violent type and he's never even thought about hitting a woman, but in that moment, he really wants to slap that smug look off her face.
"Okay. Just be safe and careful, okay?" Lem says, giving Shane a small smile before walking back out the door.
He nearly runs into Vic and Ronnie as they exit the elevator.
"How's Lem doing?" Vic asks, smiling at Lem.
"He doesn't remember me. He thinks he's still engaged to Mara. I've lost him." Lem says through numb lips.
"You're serious?" Ronnie asks as the smile slides off of Vic's face.
"Yeah. He should know the two of you though. You can go see him." Lem shakes off their concern and gets on the elevator, heading back down to the ground floor. He doesn't cry until he's sitting in his car and then he presses his hands to his face and sobs desperately, letting out all the pain.
He sits there for another ten minutes, staring at nothing and everything before he convinces himself that he'll be slightly less miserable at home, but that's a lie because it's not really home. Not without Shane there and Shane might never be there again. He's with Mara again and she's getting everything she wants while Lem is losing everything he wants.
He twists the wedding band on his finger again and stares down at it. The lamplight glints off of it, gold and bright.
How do you prove to someone that you've built a life with them for the last two years when they don't even remember your name? He really doesn't know.
~*~
He heads to the hospital the next morning again, just in time to see Mara helping Shane pack up the last of his things and help him slide into his coat.
“You asked for proof that you love me. It's not much, but I have something. A voicemail.” Lem says, walking into the room.
Mara glares daggers at him and Shane looks interested. “Play it. Let's hear it.”
Lem holds up his phone, dials his voicemail and puts it on the speaker.
“Hey babe. I know you're at work right now, but I found this picture I took of us and I didn't remember that I took it and now I'm just kind of missing you. Call me later. Love you.”
Lem hangs up his phone. Mara glares at it like she wants to throw it against the wall. Shane gives Lem a small smile.
“Well, that's definitely my voice.” Shane says, chuckling slightly.
“Come on, hon. We've got to get going.” Mara rests her hand on Shane's shoulder.
“If you'll give me the chance, I'll show you how much we love each other.” Lem says, looking at Shane.
“You can't be serious. He's coming home with me.” Mara snaps at Lem.
“Do you really love me that much?” Shane asks, frowning lightly at Lem.
“Yes.” Lem doesn't hesitate.
“I'm gonna give him a chance.” Shane says, turning to look at Mara.
Lem sighs in relief while Mara sputters behind Shane.
“You don't even know him, Shane, and you're going to go home with him?” Her voice raises several octaves and both Lem and Shane wince.
“If he hasn't given up on me so far, I have to give him a chance. It's obvious he loves me if he's willing to stick around even when he knows I don't remember the last four years or him.” Shane shakes his head and tugs his arm out of Mara's hand.
She glares at them both. “Fine.”
She storms out, throwing the door open as she goes.
In the sudden silence of her departure, neither man is quite sure what to say to fill the silence. Then Lem reaches into his pocket and pull out a gold ring and holds it out to Shane.
“It's your wedding ring. You don't have to wear it if you don't want to, but it's yours, so you should have it.” Lem explains.
Shane takes the ring from him and looks it over, reading the inscription on the inside.
And love was you
“Mine says 'For I found love'.” Lem says, smiling slightly.
Shane smiles back, unsure of what to say. He turns the ring over and over his hands, liking the weight of it.
He slides it into his pocket, not quite ready to wear it, but still wanting it. Lem helps him gather the last of his things and they head to the nurses' station to sign the release papers and then they're heading for the elevators.
They don't really speak until they're in the car.
“Thank you.” Lem says as he starts the car.
“For what?” Shane asks, glancing over at him.
“Giving me a chance.” Lem flashes him a quick smile.
Shane grins back, finding it easy to be around Lem. Lem drives them home and Shane wants to ask questions, but he's not sure where to start. The basics, he supposes.
"So do I have a job or something?" He shifts to face Lem as best he can in the car.
"Yeah, you're a freelance photographer. You've done some magazines and web sites before. You've been featured in some art galleries too." Lem nods, glancing occasionally at Shane.
"What do you do?" Shane asks, nodding.
"I own a recording studio." Lem says, stopping at a red light.
"That must be fun." Shane says, a slight smile tugging at his mouth.
"It can be. Mostly it's a lot of work. More than you'd think." Lem smirks, beginning to drive again.
"How did we met?" Shane asks with some hesitation.
"At a bar with friends." Lem replies.
"When did we get married?" Shane takes the ring out of his pocket and looks it over again, reading the inscription.
"October 23rd, 2009. We got married inside the bar we met at." Lem smiles at the memory.
All too soon, they're home and Lem turns off the car and gets out, Shane following suit.
"Home sweet home." Lem says, gesturing at apartment.
He unlocks the door and steps aside, letting Shane walk in ahead of him. Lem guides him down the entrance way with a hand on his lower back and is pleased when Shane doesn't shake him off. He leads Shane into the living room, letting him look around as much as he likes.
"Want anything from the kitchen?" Lem asks, heading in there.
"Uh, beer, if you have it." Shane takes a seat on the coffee table, picking up a stack of photographs and flicking through them.
"Those are your latest batch of photos. I don't know what you were working on. All you'd tell me was it was a surprise and I wasn't allowed to look." Lem says as he comes back in with two beers.
"I guess it doesn't matter now since I don't even know." Shane tosses the photos back on the table carelessly and Lem winces slightly. Shane, the Shane before the accident, would never have just tosses his photos down like that. He was finicky about them and treated them as if they were made out of gold.
“Do you want to go down and see your studio?” Lem asks, hoping he will.
“No. I don't want to see it.” Shane snaps, clearly getting frustrated.
“Hey, it was just a question. Calm down.” Lem says with a sigh.
“Don't fucking tell me to calm down.” Shane glares at Lem fiercely.
Lem stares at him for a moment, shocked. “This isn't like you, Shane.”
“How can I be like me, the me you know, when I don't fucking remember who that person is?” Shane yells at Lem, throwing his arms up.
“Shane, please. We don't talk to each other like this.” Lem reaches out to rest his hand on Shane's shoulder, only to have him shove his hand away.
A flash of hurt shows on Lem's face. Shane sighs, anger draining away now. “I'm sorry.”
Lem nods, accepting it. He doesn't want to fight with Shane. It always feels so wrong to fight with Shane.
Shane doesn't really seem to be in the mood to talk, so Lem clicks the TV on and hands Shane the remote, letting him channel surf. Shane used to hate when Lem would channel surf, snapping at him to just pick a channel. Lem would grin and keep doing and that would lead to a wrestling match on the couch which would lead to something more. He shakes those thoughts away because he's sure this Shane wouldn't appreciate any sort of attempt as some physical contact like that.
"I'm gonna grab a shower. You can take the bed, I'll take the couch." Lem offers and sees Shane nod, draining the last of his beer. Lem gets up and stretches, heading for the bathroom, tugging his shirt off as he goes.
Twenty minutes later, he walks into the bedroom and sees Shane sitting on the edge of the bed, looking through a picture album. Lem adjusts the towel around his waist and doesn't say anything. He digs around in his side of the closet and pulls out a t-shirt and then grabs a pair of boxers from the dresser.
He's suddenly hit with a wave of intense longing for Shane, his Shane. Shane before accident. He fights back the tears and sighs heavily, walking back into the bathroom to change. He never notices the look Shane gives him as he walks away.
~*~
The next morning, Shane walks into the kitchen, greeted by the smell of coffee and the sight of Lem sitting at the kitchen table, fully dressed, reading the news paper. He looks up when Shane walks in.
"Morning." Shane yawns, shuffling over to the coffee maker.
"Good morning." Lem says, eyes dropping back to the paper in his hands.
Shane pours himself a cup of coffee and drinks it as is. Lem pretends he doesn't notice. Shane never drank his coffee black before. He always added sugar and cream to it. That was before the accident.
Everything seems to be split into two times now for Lem. Shane before the accident and Shane after the accident. How is this ever going to work out? He still loves Shane, but Shane isn't really Shane anymore, it seems. Sure, he's there fundamentally, but the last four years are gone and with that, everything that made Shane his Shane is gone.
The Shane that sits in the kitchen now is a stranger to him. He didn't know the Shane that was engaged to Mara. Didn't know the Shane that wanted to be a lawyer. He doesn't know the person in front of him, despite the fact that they're married. This person is a complete stranger to him and, what's worse, is he can remember everything Shane's forgotten. He knows the person Shane used to be and Shane doesn't.
"So what do I usually do in the mornings?" Shane asks, breaking into Lem's thoughts.
"Huh? Oh, you usually make the coffee, but since I was already up, I did. We eat, talk for a bit, then I go to work and you usually go down to your studio. Do you want to see it?" Lem asks, looking back up at Shane.
Shane thinks about it for a moment. "Not today."
"You sure?" Lem presses.
"Yeah. Not today." Shane shakes his head.
"Alright. Then you usually pay the bills and balance the checkbook online, but I guess you don't remember any of the passwords or log in info, do you?" Lem frowns slightly.
"Nope, afraid not." Shane smiles weakly.
"Then I guess you can do whatever you want today. Have a free day." Lem shrugs.
"You're going into the studio today?" Shane asks, looking curious.
"Yeah, or Danny is going to have my head. I've left it to her the past week or so and she's pissed at me." Lem chuckles.
"Okay. I'll take a look around, maybe go out." Shane nods.
"Well, if you do, here's your cell phone. My number is in there along with Vic's and Ronnie's. Here are your keys. I gotta go in now. I'll see you later." Lem says, grabbing the phone and key ring from the counter and setting them beside Shane's mug. He leans over and kisses Shane's cheek before heading out the door.
Shane presses his hand to the spot where Lem had kissed him, ignoring the warm flush it sent through his body. He finishes up his coffee and snags his keys from the table, heading into the bedroom to get dressed for the day. He wants to take a look around the town, see if anything jogs his memory. He tugs on a pair of jeans and a shirt, slipping a pair of boots on that look like they might be his. He's pleased when they fit. He finds a wallet on the dresser and opens it, finding his license and some cash and credit cards in there, along with some photos of him and Lem and their friends inside.
He walks out the door, tucking his keys into his pocket and shutting the door behind him. He walks on down the street, enjoying the fresh air when he comes across a cute little cafe called Cafe Mnemosyne and he walks in, sniffing at the air. It's smells like coffee and warm bread and it's pleasant. He looks in the glass cases along the front counter, hungry now.
He gets to the register. "Hi, can I have the chocolate chip muffin and a cup of coffee, please?"
The cashier looks up at him and smiles. "You don't want your usual?"
"I have a usual here? The usual then." Shane says, grinning at her.
She arches an eyebrow at him, but smiles back and goes to get his 'usual', which turns out to be a White Chocolate Mocha latte and a fudge brownie with raspberries.
Not the healthiest of breakfasts, but it's good and he munches on the brownie as he heads out again, not really sure where he's going and not really caring. There's got to be something around here that he knows and will help him remember. He finishes the latte and brownie and walks with his hands tucked away in his pockets, suddenly uneasy for some reason.
He keeps walking, taking random turns wherever he feels like it and soon he realises he's lost. He feels around in his pockets, but comes up only with his wallet and keys. No cell phone.
With a sigh, he walks into the nearest building, an office of some sort, and asks the receptionist if he can please use the phone as he seems to have forgotten his cell phone. She smiles and nods, turning it around to face him. He calls Mara, the only number he can remember and waits for her to pick up.
She gets there fifteen minutes later and Shane is leaning against the outside of the building, frowning down at his feet.
"Shane, honey, are you okay?" She gets out and rushes over to him, pulling him into a hug.
He pats her back and untangles himself from her. "I'm fine. I just forgot my phone and I don't know where I am and I couldn't remember the way back. Sorry for calling, but yours was the only number I know by heart."
"Don't be sorry. I'm glad you called me. Let's go." She grabs his hand and leads him to her car. He holds on to her this time.
"You should come stay with me. Obviously it's not good for you to be staying with Lem." Mara says, slipping her sunglasses back on.
"It's not his fault I decided to go out and forget my phone." Shane points out.
"I know, but I still think you'd be better off with me. At least you know who I am. I'm not a stranger to you." Mara says reasonably as she drives along.
"I suppose. Where are we going?" Shane asks.
"Back to my apartment. I don't want you to be alone right now." Mara turns her head and smiles at him.
Shane nods, not offering up any protest. Maybe she's right. Maybe he would be better off with her. He knows who she is. He remembers her. He feels comfortable with her. He is thankful to Lem for trying so hard and still loving him, but maybe it's better with Mara.
"We're here." Mara pulls into her parking spot and gets out of the car. Shane does the same and falls in step behind Mara, letting her lead the way up the stairs to her place.
She opens the door and he's struck by just how much he remembers. She never moved after they broke up. Sure, there's some changes here and there, furniture rearranged and the pictures are different, but he still remembers this place and it feels more like home than Lem's apartment did. Suddenly he really wants to stay. She smiles at him, as if sensing his thoughts, and tells him to take his shoes off before going into the living room. He remembers that too. There's a white carpet in the living room and Mara forbade any shoes ever step on it and ruin it.
He kicks off his boots and pads into the living room with socked feet and stares. He really does remember this place. The furniture isn't quite in the same places and there's new widescreen TV against one wall, but it still manages to feel like home. Like the home he left when he left Mara. He doesn't even remember why he left her in the first place.
She guides him to the couch and asks if he wants anything. He pulls her down gently next to him. "Can I ask you something?"
"Anything." She says.
"Why did we break up?" Shane asks, knowing this is very loaded question.
She looks away from him for a moment, hands twisting together in her lap before she stills and looks up at him. "First off, you broke up with me. You said you felt like you had some sort of unfinished business in life and you weren't going to accomplish it by becoming a lawyer and following in your father's footsteps. It wasn't what you wanted and you wanted time to explore other things in life. Those other things didn't include me or marriage, I guess."
"I just...when I walked in here, it felt like home. Like I remembered it. Lem's place doesn't feel like this. Lem doesn't feel like this to me. I don't know if I'll get my memories back and, if I do, I don't want to lead both of you on, but right here, right now, I still love you, Mara." Shane admits, voice soft.
She gasps, hand rising to cover her mouth. "Do you mean that?"
"Yes, but I don't want to start something and end up getting my memories back and hurting you again. I don't want to hurt Lem either. I don't know what to do." Shane sinks back into the couch and scrubs his hands down his face.
Mara takes his hands and presses a kiss to each one. "We can figure it out together, if you'll give me the chance. I know there's a chance you'll get your memories back and you'll want to go back to Lem, but for now, can we try?"
Shane looks at her and he knows he loves her, feels that he loves her. He also knows that he should love Lem. He's married to Lem, Lem loves him, still loves him even though Shane doesn't even remember him or anything about their life together. He rubs one hand unconsciously down his thigh and he feels something round and hard in his pocket. His wedding ring. It doesn't mean much to him now. He doesn't remember his wedding, doesn't remember if he asked Lem or if Lem asked him. He doesn't remember his vows or the ceremony. He does know what the wedding ring symbolizes though and he doesn't want to hurt Lem even more if he were to break those vows, no matter if he remembers them or not.
"Let me think about it?" He asks her, smiling. He reaches up and tucks a strand of hair behind her ear and the gesture feels so familiar, like he's done it a million times before.
She studies him a moment, eyes sad and hopeful at the same time. "Okay. Take all the time you need. Just let me know."
"I will." Shane nods firmly. He can't imagine now why he would leave her then.
"Thank you." She whispers and kisses his cheek in the same place that Lem did this morning.
"We, uh, we were together for two years, right?" He asks, clearing his throat after a moment.
"Two and a half." She corrects, a teasing smile on her lips.
"Right. Two and a half. I proposed at our favorite restaurant. Ring in the glass of champagne." He's mostly talking to himself now. These are the things he remembers. He can remember these things. They come forth easy when he calls them to mind. When he tries to think of more recent things, like his last birthday, there's a giant blank in his memory, like someone erased the tape or something.
It gives him a headache if he tries to remember too much for too long.
"I guess I should be taking you back home now. I'm sure Lem is freaking out by now since you're not home and you don't have your cell on you." Mara smirks, looking too pleased at the idea of Lem worrying alone at home, no idea where Shane is and no way to get a hold of him.
"Yeah, better not make him wait any more." Shane nods and stands, pulling Mara to her feet. She fits in his arms easily and it's so familiar. She's so familiar. The scent of vanilla and lavender drifts up to him and he breathes it in, relishing the flood of warmth and affection the scent gives him.
She looks up at him and slowly leans forward, giving him time to back away if he wants to. He doesn't.
She presses her mouth against his and then they're both gone, hands sliding over each other, lips moving against one another. She pulls away first, looking startled.
"Are you sure this is what you want?" She asks, a rare flash of hesitation on her face.
"Yes. Is this what you want?" Shane cups her face in his hands and strokes her cheekbones with his thumbs.
"Yes. For so long now." She leans back up and kisses him again.
"Stay with me." She says when they break apart again.
"What about Lem?" Shane asks, frowning at the thought of the other man.
"Just explain to him how you feel now. I'm sure he'll understand." Mara waves off his concern for Lem.
"If you're sure." He says, still not completely convinced.
"I am. Let's go. We'll get your things and we'll bring them back here. You have no idea how happy you've made me." Mara smiles brightly at him.
He smiles back and takes her hand, walking to the front door with her. The ride to Lem's place is filled with Mara's excited conversation. Shane lets it wash over him, occasionally adding in a comment here and there, but mostly he just sort of listens and stares out the window and thinks about Lem.
Mara bangs on the door when they get there and Lem throws the door open, looking stressed and worried. "Mara? What are you doing here?"
"Shane called me this morning. I assume you've been wondering where he's been. He got lost in the city and didn't have his phone, so he called me and I picked him up." Mara pushes past Lem into the apartment. Shane follows after a moment, smiling apologetically at Lem as he walks past him.
"Her number was the only one I could remember." He says.
Lem nods, breathing a sigh of relief. He rakes a hand through his messy hair and smiles at Shane. "I'm just glad you're okay. I've been worried sick about you."
"Sorry." Shane says, reaching out impulsively, as if he's going to grab Lem's hand, but then he drops his arm and shifts uneasily.
Lem ignores the gesture. "Thanks, Mara. I'm glad he had you to call."
"You won't be in a minute. Shane's decided to come back home and live with me." Mara says, facing Lem and folding her arms across her chest.
Lem stares at them. "Why? Shane, I thought we were going to try to make this work."
"Well, it's not, if today was anything to go by." Mara answers.
"I wasn't talking to you. I was asking my husband why he suddenly think it's a great idea to go live with his ex-fiancee instead of his husband." Lem's voice is hard, but there's a note of pain underneath his words.
"I just think it's the best choice for now. It's nothing against you, Lem, I swear. I just...I remember Mara. I know her apartment. It's not strange and unfamiliar to me like you and this place are. I'm sorry." Shane rubs the back of his neck, looking very uncomfortable.
"Did I do something to push you away, Shane? I know we had that fight last night, but I thought we were okay." Lem looks confused now and it's starting to get to Shane.
"I just want to be somewhere familiar. Mara is familiar. I'm sorry." Shane looks to Mara and then back to Lem.
"If this is what you want then." Lem nods, defeat making his shoulders sag.
"It is." Shane says with a nod.
"We'll be packing some of Shane's things up. I'll send for the rest later this week." Mara smoothly interrupts the conversation.
Lem just nods, too tired to even bother with an argument.
Shane and Mara go into the bedroom and pack some of Shane's clothing and the various things he needs for the next few days and then they're coming back into the living room.
Lem is on the couch, tapping absently on his phone. He glances up at them. "Leaving now?"
"Yes." Mara says.
Shane steps towards him and holds out his wedding ring. "I figured you'd want this back. It probably means more to you than it does me."
Lem takes the ring from him and stares at it for a moment before handing it back. "No, I gave it to you. It's yours. Do whatever you want with it."
Shane slips the ring back into his pocket and nods. He and Mara make their way out of the apartment, leaving Lem on his own.
He's lost Shane completely then. He always knew there was a chance he wouldn't get Shane, his Shane, back from this, but he never thought he'd lose Shane completely and to Mara, of all people.
His heart aches and his throat closes up, tears springing to his eyes. He swallows thickly and swipes a hand across his face before getting up and pulling a beer from the fridge. He goes back to the couch and pulls a box off the coffee table towards him and opens the lid. In the box are all the things that Shane saved back when they were dating.
Each thing is a memory, a story to tell.
Here's the menu of the bar where they first met. Lem's scribbled his cell phone number on the corner for Shane.
Lem heads for the bar, being the one that got sent to get the drinks for his friends. Beside him is a man he's never seen before and he nods at him with a smile before turning to look at the bartender. The green of the man's eyes linger in his mind long after he goes back to the table and delivers the drinks. The man has an easy smile as well from when he returned Lem's own smile of greeting. Lem's surprised then, when Vic calls someone over, clearly recognizing someone the others don't know. The man walks over to them and Lem is shocked to find that it's the man from the bar.
"Guys, this is Shane, an old friend of mine. Shane, this is Lem, Ronnie, Terry, and Danny." Vic introduces them all.
Shane smiles at them. "Nice to meet y'all."
A chorus of agreements echo around the table.
"Come on, have a drink with us." Vic urges.
Lem finds himself hoping the man will accept the offer and is pleased when he does. He takes a seat next to Lem and Vic pours him a beer.
The rest of the night is spent in a haze of laughter and beer, jokes and stories being passed around the table more freely for Shane's benefit.
At the end of the night, Shane lingers at the table as they all start saying their goodbyes and heading out before they get too drunk to drive home safely.
Lem looks at him and asks if he needs a ride. He doesn't, but he does want something else.
"What?" Lem asks, arching an eyebrow at him.
Shane smirks and leans forward, the dim lights of the bar casting shadows across his face. "Your number."
Lem had stared at him for a moment before blushing slightly and scribbling it down on the edge of the closest piece of paper to him, a menu.
More memories and trinkets scatter out as Lem dumps the box out onto the cushion beside him. There's the ring box that their wedding bands came in. There's a note that Lem had scribbled to him one night.
The last thing that falls from the box is their vows. Both of them had written them down in a hurry. Lem traces a finger over the words Shane had spoken to him that had bound them together and sighs, reading them over one last time.
I vow to help you love life, to always hold you with tenderness and to have the patience that love demands, to speak when words are needed and to share the silence when they are not. I vow to live within the warmth of your heart and always call it home.
He blinks away tears and rereads his own vows with a heavy heart.
I vow to fiercely love you in all your forms, now and forever. I promise to never forget that this is a once in a lifetime love. I love to love you and no matter what challenges might carry us apart, we will always find a way back to each other.
He puts everything back in the box and shuts it, placing it back on the table. He misses Shane something fierce, but maybe this is the way everything is supposed to work out. He refuses to believe that he and Shane could have ever fallen out of love any other way. Their love was way too strong for that. He thought they could overcome anything.
Lem gets up and goes into the bedroom, changing for bed. He lays in the empty bed and wishes Shane was with him. He doesn't get any sleep that night.
He stumbles into work the next morning, dark circles ringing his eyes and a coffee clutched in one hand. Danny frowns at him, but doesn't say anything. She knows that he's had a bad night and there's nothing to be said for it. Nothing that he wants to hear and nothing she hasn't said already anyway.
The band that they're working with today is actually pretty good and soon Lem is able to focus on the music and push all other thoughts out of his mind. Everything runs smoothly and they manage to get two tracks down for the day. Not bad if he does say so himself.
He stays late, long after Danny goes home, to get some paperwork finished. He half-expects Shane to call him and ask why he isn't home, but of course, that call never comes. He comes home to an empty house. He goes to sleep in an empty bed.
~*~
Shane tosses and turns that night, flashes of memories flicking through his dreams. Lem smiling at him, eating dinner with him, watching TV with him, laughing with him, grinning up at him.
He remembers the sound of Lem's laughter, the feel of his bare skin pressing against Shane's, the soft kisses that turned more passionate.
He sits up in bed with a gasp, rubbing a hand down his face. He doesn't remember everything, but he remembers enough. He really does love Lem.
He gets out of bed and tugs on his shirt and jeans, trying not to bump into anything and wake Mara up. He walks into the kitchen and leans over the sink, splashing his face with the cold water. He grabs his cell phone off the table and calls Lem, praying that he'll answer.
~*~
Lem is jolted out of his sleep by his ringing cell phone. He looks around, confused for a moment, before answering it.
“'Lo?” He yawns.
“Lem! I wasn't sure if you'd answer.” The voice on the other end exclaims.
“Shane?” Lem blinks, now more awake.
“Yeah, it's me. Listen, I don't remember everything, but I remember enough. Can I, will you let me come home?” Shane asks, suddenly nervous.
“Of course. Always.” There's no hesitation in Lem's voice.
“Could you come get me then? I don't want to wake Mara up.” Shane asks.
“Yeah. I'll be there soon.” Lem smiles even though Shane can't see it.
“Thanks. Also, I love you, Lem. So much.” Shane smiles as well.
“I love you too. I'm on my way.” Lem promises before hanging up.
He gets dressed faster than he's ever done before and he's sure he breaks a few speeding limits on the way over to Mara's, but he doesn't care. He sends a quick text to Shane, letting him know he's there and Shane comes out, shutting the front door quietly behind him.
He gets into the car and leans across the seat, pressing his mouth against Lem's before either of them have the chance to say anything. He curls his fingers around Lem's neck and pulls him in as close as he can in the cramped space between them.
“God, I've missed you so much.” Lem says when they part.
“I know. I can't even imagine how it must have been for you. Thank you for still believing in us. I don't know if I could have dealt with it like you did.” Shane admits, squirming with the honesty and vulnerability of that statement.
“I love you. No matter what.” Lem says, stroking Shane's cheek.
“I love you too. And I think it's time I put this back on.” Shane digs in his pocket for a moment before pulling out his wedding ring and slipping it back on his finger where it belongs.
Lem smiles at him, pulling him into another kiss.
Shane's grinning as they part. “Let's get out of here.”
Lem nods and pulls out of the driveway. “What are you going to tell Mara?”
“I left her a letter, explaining everything. She'll probably call in the morning, freaking out. It doesn't matter right now. All that matters is that we're back together.” Shane says with a nod.
“Yeah. You're right.” Lem smiles at him again.
They go home together, just like they're meant to be.
~*~
We have these moments of high impact in life. These moments are of significant importance and they define who we are as people in a lot of ways. These moments can either make or break you, depending on how you handle them. For me, though, the moment cemented a lifelong commitment to the man I love and made me more secure in the fact that we'll always find our way back to one another, no matter what.