... or maybe we don't win.

[sylvia_rachel]

The school board has no actual policy on how old kids have to be to walk to or from school on their own -- but the school believes that 8 is too young and even 9 is borderline. There's no actual law, I am told by both the Children's Aid Society and Jewish Family & Child Services, on how old kids have to be "to be left alone" -- but the CAS "

Comments

[kchew]

I'm so sorry. /sympathizes

[sylvia_rachel]

Thanks. I'm so upset, and post-CAS I'm kind of afraid to talk to anyone IRL about it ...

[kchew]

Give me a call any time. You still have my phone number somewhere, yes? If you don't, I'll send it to you again.

[sylvia_rachel]

I think I have, yeah. Thanks!

BTW, I don't think you invoiced us for that keying -- can you send me une facture, please?

[vbminsk]

Makes my blood boil! I wrote the whole thing (in Russian. But there is always google translate) about how social services should be dismantled and social workers turned into organic food farmers.

[sylvia_rachel]

I actually think child services plays a valuable role. When children are genuinely being abused or neglected, someone needs to be there to help them. (My oldest niece was adopted from foster care, so I know a bit about how this works.) I even understand where they're coming from: when you work with kids at risk (at real risk) all day every day, you start to lose perspective, and these women I spoke to probably do genuinely believe that they are protecting SP by advising me not to let her go anywhere alone. (New and disturbing thought: if I send her to the corner store for a bag of milk, and a CAS worker or a police officer happens to be in the store buying a pack of gum at the same time, are we going to get into trouble? This possibility had never occurred to me before; now it has

[vbminsk]

When children are genuinely being abused or neglected, someone needs to be there to help them

But see, you're presuming they have some special skill to figure out whether a kid is indeed being abused. They have none such competencies. But they have huge power. To slap you with neglect case/endangering welfare of a minor, open a lawsuit against you, and take away a kid from you.

when you work with kids at risk (at real risk) all day every day, you start to lose perspective

I work with software programs every day. You still don't look like a pop-up dialog to me :). I mean seriously, that's where professional competence is supposed to kick in, but it doesn't.

[sylvia_rachel]

It's very good to have the law-enforcement perspective -- thanks. (I mean, I knew that, but it's helpful to know that the police have figured it out as well.)

One of the most infuriating things about all these conversations I've been having is that everyone says "it's dangerous!" and no one can actually say why. I kept asking, and they kept evading. I did point out to both the principal and the CAS lady that when they and I were SP's age, nearly everyone walked to school -- even kindergartners, in some cases -- and there was nary an adult in sight between your front door and the schoolyard gate. The response was -- you can probably guess -- "but things are different now." And when I responded to that with "Yes, but the way they're different is that crime rates are lower", we were back to "but it only takes a second for something to happen!"

It makes me crazy.

[sylvia_rachel]

Because the legal system is somewhat different here, I don't think the climate is quite so litigious. (If you did a study comparing TV ads for personal-injury law firms on New York and Ontario local stations, for example, I think you'd find a ratio of about 5 to 1. I haven't done such a study, so this is just anecdata, but DH and I do watch more TV than we should :P) But for sure the spectre of legal liability is hovering over this situation: the principal, the CAS lady, and the JF&CS lady all stressed that while there's no law, they Do Not Advise It and Do Not Recommend It.

[kiwano]

I feel like the whole world (well, except for SP's daycare teachers and, SP told me yesterday, her beloved classroom teacher) is conspiring to reconstruct us as bad, reckless, irresponsible parents. I feel like maybe this wasn't such a hot idea after all. And I hate, hate, hate that I have to feel this way.

We all do. Just wait until she's a teenager and you have to deal with heteronormative sex ed that only covers safer sex for coitus, and ridiculously anemic drug education...

Funny that the odds of a kid getting snatched off the street by a stranger are about half a million to one against, and people freak out if you decide that's an acceptable risk, but the odds of a teenager being offered god-only-knows-what as MDMA and deciding to try it are closer to one in ten, and people freak out if you decided that that risk needs to be mitigated.

[sylvia_rachel]

Yeah, I'm looking forward to the teenage years less all the time :P OF COURSE kids don't make good choices if they don't have good information!

I expect the next thing will be to raise the driving age to 18 and the drinking age to 21. (The former I would actually not object to particularly. The latter, well, just look at the alcohol culture at US universities and you'll see what a terrific idea that is.)

[undergroundsea]

I would say a child idle at a bus stop waiting is in more danger, than a purposeful child who looks like it knows its way home. But it's not really the point. I am with you that this sense of danger within your community seems to be based more on fears than real evidence/crime statistics. 12 seems like a very old age to begin making your way home independently for the first time.