125 New world
Word Soap: As The World Keeps Turning
Author: SYLnl
Title: #125 New world
Rating: PG
Summary: “Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born.” - Anais Nin
Big Thanks To: ltklo, for brushing up my grammar
Previously on As The World Keeps Turning: click here for chapters 1 - 124
None of the response came as a surprise. The pitying ‘are-you-really-serious?’-look, the shaking head, the shrugging shoulders…he could have drawn this reaction in detail. He sighed, realizing how sad that was. That somehow he just never managed to get it right. He needed his approval so much. He was craving for it. But he knew his boyfriend very well. He wouldn’t give points for trying. ‘This isn’t kindergarten’, he would say, ‘This is real life and this just isn’t good enough’.
The voice in his head made him shiver. His best wasn’t good enough. It made him feel helpless. He really wasn’t sure he had more to give and it scared him. Almost every second of every day. Every mistake could mean the end. The cold shoulder. Distance. Condemnation. Rejection. And he couldn’t take much more. He didn’t understand why The Powers That Be were so hard on him. On the other hand he knew he deserved the emotional beating he was getting. He messed up so much. Why would…
The warm hand on his shoulder startled Luke, but when he looked into the loving blue eyes, he smiled.
“I made you a sandwich,” Reid pointed out the plate with a pile of bread, lettuce, chicken, cucumber and mayonnaise, “You need to eat something.”
With a deep sigh Luke closed the lid of his laptop and nodded.
“Thanks for taking care of me. When I’m writing I forget everything.”
“So I’ve noticed,” Reid’s smile was quick, but friendly, “but I’m glad you’re back in the flow again.”
“Me too,” Luke took a big bite of his sandwich and grinned. Only now he realized how hungry he was and Reid sure knew how to create a sandwich. It was delicious.
“Uncle Seth gave me some helpful pointers and for some reason it just opened a door and all this inspiration is flooding in…”
With his mouth full, Reid just gave him the thumbs up and Luke smiled. When he looked at Danny, he noticed the boy’s searching glance and he tilted his head.
“What’s on your mind, Danny?”
The young boy looked shy.
“Nothing,” he shrugged and put his empty plate on the small table next to him. “I was just…watching.”
“I could see that,” Luke’s smile was warm and inviting. “I was just curious what’s going on in that active brain of yours.”
Danny smiled too now.
“I just like to watch how you…” he shrugged again, “you know, are nice to each other.”
“It must be quite a change from watching people yell and be angry with each other,” Reid understood and Danny nodded.
“It is,” the boy’s grin was a little mischievous, “and I like this better. Before I came here, I never knew…” he shook his head.
“…that adults could be so kind?” This time Luke hit the mark and his reward was a big smile.
“Exactly.”
Both fathers realized at the same time what a distorted view of life must have been installed in their boy and for a minute they just watched each other.
“And how does that make you feel?” Luke wondered out loud.
“Stupid.”
“Excuse me?” Reid realized he’d sounded harsh when he saw Danny cringe a little and he compensated by giving the boy a huge smile. “I’m sorry, I’m not angry with you.”
“We think you’re the smartest kid we know, Danny. So hearing you say you feel stupid, makes us a little sad,” Luke explained calmly and the boy relaxed again.
“Miss Lydia said I’m smart too,” Danny smiled, thinking about his home tutor, “and maybe I am. But there’s a lot I don’t understand.”
“You’re six, Danny.”
“I know,” the boy frowned. “But still…this is like a whole new world.”
For a moment everybody was quiet, absorbed in their own thoughts. Luke was the first one to put his thinking into words.
“You know, Danny…I know what you mean. It is for me too.”
That attracted the boy’s attention and he was obviously all ears.
“Living here, with you and Reid, is a new world for me too. Before Reid and I were a couple, I had a relationship with someone else.”
Danny surprised his fathers by calmly stating the name. “Noah.”
“That’s right, Noah.” Luke decided not to ask how Danny knew, but he did exchange a telling look with Reid. He picks up on a lot more than we think.
“But my relationship with Noah was very different than my relationship with Reid. With Noah I mostly felt like a loser. Like I couldn’t do anything right.”
He saw something flicker in Danny’s eyes and smiled. “I guess you know how that feels.”
After the boy’s nod, Luke continued his story. “And then Reid came into my life and he was basically the opposite. Noah had this whole demeanor of a nice and pleasant young man and Reid appeared to be this cold, arrogant, aloof and snarky guy. But one on one, Noah was this judgmental, egocentric manipulator and Reid was supportive, respectful and honest. So that was a whole new world for me too. And when you came into our lives,” Luke gave Danny a wink, “it was yet another whole new world, because all of a sudden I became a father.”
“Exactly,” Reid took over. “Same here. Before I met Luke, my whole life was about work. And eating.” Reid grinned. “I had no real friends and I didn’t want them. I wanted to focus on saving lives, but I didn’t realize I was losing mine in the process. And then your daddy lured me to this town and pulled me into this whole new world of love and connecting and family…”
Danny was visibly fascinated. There was a sense of relief and comfort.
“So I guess we help each other in discovering this new world and trying to make sense of it,” Luke said and his son nodded.
“So I’m not stupid.”
His fathers laughed. “No son, you’re not stupid. Learning about life is just an ongoing thing. I’m pretty sure there will be moments where we feel in yet another new world. And if we do, we’ll explore that one together.”
“Like pioneers,” Reid grinned, “but without the covered wagons.”
They all chuckled and Danny gave them a shy look.
“So it’s okay to not understand.”
“Yep,” Luke collected the plates and ruffled the blond hair in passing, “Perfectly okay. It’s just an opportunity to learn something.”
Danny nodded again, picking up his picture book.
“And it’s also perfectly okay to share with us what you don’t understand,” Reid stressed, “that way we can discover this new world together.”
“That’s nice,” Danny smiled at him.
“It is. Way better than stupid, right?”
It made Danny laugh. “Way better.”
After lunch the silence returned to the living room and when Reid looked up from his laptop, he took the scene in with a content smile. Flames dancing in their fireplace, Danny so concentrated on a drawing that the tip of his tongue was sticking out of his mouth and Luke bashing his keyboard with a passion.
Yep, it was definitely a new world.
His attention was drawn by the subject of a mail and he frowned when he read Gwen’s marginal note. The frown deepened while reading the content and for some reason it pulled Luke out of his concentration.
“Bad news?”
“Not really,” Reid looked up for a moment, “It’s an invitation to visit a conference in New York…”
“And?”
“Well…this could be great for Memorial. They want me to talk about the new wing.”
Luke sat up a little. “That does sound good. What’s the problem?”
“Not really a problem. It’s the timing. I haven’t checked my mail for a few days. The conference is this Monday.”
“Your first day back at work,” Luke understood the dilemma.
“Exactly. Gwen forwarded this with a note that she didn’t plan anything major this week, but still…I’ve been gone for two weeks.”
“Maybe it’s perfect timing…in a few weeks your schedule will be crazy again.”
“Hmmm,” Reid frowned. “Maybe you’re right.”
“Maybe?” Luke teased and Reid flashed him a grin.
“Full of ourselves much?”
“Yep,” Luke nodded with a wicked smile.
“Good for you,” Reid’s index finger motioned Luke to come closer and their kiss was short, soft but promising.
“It does mean I’ll be gone for one night,” Reid put forward and Luke shrugged.
“Not my idea of fun, but we’ll survive,” he decreed.
“Sure?”
“Sure. You go and show your brilliance.”
While Reid was writing a mail, Luke looked at his laptop. He knew Reid wanted to go. He had seen it in his blue eyes. Reid was proud of ‘his’ hospital and this would be the first opportunity to present himself as Chief of Staff. He only wished he could be there too. His eyes wandered to Danny, still immersed in his drawing, and smiled. It was a new world alright. But he wouldn’t change one thing about it.