Probably.
Title: Probably
Author: sykoxfreak aka Kendra
Rating: PG
Pairing: Bobby/John
Summary: The only thing John wants is for Bobby to say something.
Notes: ANGST! Written for the Playlist, which is here. Yes, I do realize that it's been nearly a year since I've written anything for it. And to those who actually remember me, hi! Written for Prompt # 17. LeAnn Rimes - Probably Wouldn't Be This Way.
Notes2: Betaed by the lovely clerical_error
"I got a date a week from Saturday with that guy who works at the bookstore," John whispered. Bobby was silent. "Everyone says that he’s crazy. Suppose I’ll have to see."
John sat quiet for a few moments. He wanted Bobby to say something, anything. But he didn’t, so John continued.
"I sold the summer home. I suppose I won’t have to pay that kid to rake my leaves anymore," John laughed. "I’m gonna miss him, I guess. He was always a little cutie."
Bobby was still silent.
"God, I’m going on and on again, aren’t I?" John rubbed his left eye violently. "I seem to be doing that a lot that a lot lately. Ever since you left. Why did you leave? Why won’t you come back?"
No answer.
"I probably wouldn’t be this way. I never once thought that you wouldn’t be there. The thought that you wouldn’t be with me every minute never crossed my mind. It probably wouldn’t hurt so bad if you didn’t leave so fast. Why did you leave so fast? I know that you’re not gonna answer me. I just wish that you would. I just wish that you would speak to me…"
John wiped away a fallen tear.
"Sometimes, when I’m all alone, I’ll see you standing there. I know that I’m going insane. Insanity is oddly comforting, did you know that? I don’t know how to explain it, but… just trust me on this. Okay?"
John hung his head. He sniffled and ran his fingers across Bobby.
"Jubilee says that I shouldn’t talk to you. Logan says that I should just move on. I’m not sure if I can. I love talking to you. I just wish you’d say something back. But it’s okay. I know that you’re listening. You oughta see the way these people look at me. Every single one looks at me like I’ve finally lost it. Maybe I have. Maybe I haven’t. I just take it day by day, hoping and praying, that things will get better."
John’s fingers are warmed by the stone.
"I just don’t know why you had to drive away that day. I wish that you weren’t mad at me when you left. I wish I could feel your cold again. I wish that you were never hit by that semi."
"John…?" Jubilee’s soft voice chimed out from behind the tall oak tree.
"…Yeah?"
"You tell him the same thing every time," she whispered.
"I know," was the forced reply. "I just wish that I could stop wishing."
"Let’s go home."
John runs his fingers over the name Bobby again. The granite was hot under his finger from the late afternoon’s sunlight. He laid the lilies in front of the headstone.
"I still love you."
The silence that echoed around John was heart wrenching. He stood and walked away, letting Jubilee wrap an arm around him.
"I’m sure he knows."
Author: sykoxfreak aka Kendra
Rating: PG
Pairing: Bobby/John
Summary: The only thing John wants is for Bobby to say something.
Notes: ANGST! Written for the Playlist, which is here. Yes, I do realize that it's been nearly a year since I've written anything for it. And to those who actually remember me, hi! Written for Prompt # 17. LeAnn Rimes - Probably Wouldn't Be This Way.
Notes2: Betaed by the lovely clerical_error
"I got a date a week from Saturday with that guy who works at the bookstore," John whispered. Bobby was silent. "Everyone says that he’s crazy. Suppose I’ll have to see."
John sat quiet for a few moments. He wanted Bobby to say something, anything. But he didn’t, so John continued.
"I sold the summer home. I suppose I won’t have to pay that kid to rake my leaves anymore," John laughed. "I’m gonna miss him, I guess. He was always a little cutie."
Bobby was still silent.
"God, I’m going on and on again, aren’t I?" John rubbed his left eye violently. "I seem to be doing that a lot that a lot lately. Ever since you left. Why did you leave? Why won’t you come back?"
No answer.
"I probably wouldn’t be this way. I never once thought that you wouldn’t be there. The thought that you wouldn’t be with me every minute never crossed my mind. It probably wouldn’t hurt so bad if you didn’t leave so fast. Why did you leave so fast? I know that you’re not gonna answer me. I just wish that you would. I just wish that you would speak to me…"
John wiped away a fallen tear.
"Sometimes, when I’m all alone, I’ll see you standing there. I know that I’m going insane. Insanity is oddly comforting, did you know that? I don’t know how to explain it, but… just trust me on this. Okay?"
John hung his head. He sniffled and ran his fingers across Bobby.
"Jubilee says that I shouldn’t talk to you. Logan says that I should just move on. I’m not sure if I can. I love talking to you. I just wish you’d say something back. But it’s okay. I know that you’re listening. You oughta see the way these people look at me. Every single one looks at me like I’ve finally lost it. Maybe I have. Maybe I haven’t. I just take it day by day, hoping and praying, that things will get better."
John’s fingers are warmed by the stone.
"I just don’t know why you had to drive away that day. I wish that you weren’t mad at me when you left. I wish I could feel your cold again. I wish that you were never hit by that semi."
"John…?" Jubilee’s soft voice chimed out from behind the tall oak tree.
"…Yeah?"
"You tell him the same thing every time," she whispered.
"I know," was the forced reply. "I just wish that I could stop wishing."
"Let’s go home."
John runs his fingers over the name Bobby again. The granite was hot under his finger from the late afternoon’s sunlight. He laid the lilies in front of the headstone.
"I still love you."
The silence that echoed around John was heart wrenching. He stood and walked away, letting Jubilee wrap an arm around him.
"I’m sure he knows."