Stage Fright - HanSung
100 THEMES CHALLENGE
Theme: 3 - Blindfolds [Hangeng/Yesung]
Title: Stage Fright
Words: 1,184
Completed: October 2nd, 2011
Genre: AU, romance
Rating: PG
Warnings: Anxiety
Summary: Yesung wants to know why Hangeng is never in the spotlight.
"Sing."
Silence met the gentle command. Its source moved behind the chair, massaging the other's shoulders as he leant in, breath tickling his ear as he spoke.
"You know the room is empty. It's just me. Now, sing."
"I…"
"What are you afraid of?"
"I… I just… I can't…"
"There's nothing you can't do, stop saying that. I've heard you before."
There was no reply from the seated man, twisting his fingers in his lap. The smooth satin blindfold was securely fastened around his head, he'd been forbidden from touching it while they performed.
While he tried to perform.
He licked his dry lips and swallowed. "No, I can't."
Jongwoon sighed and walked away, running his hands over his head. "Don't take it off," he murmured, sensing that Hangeng was reaching for the knot on the back of his head.
"Why? I can't do this!"
"Why can't you? It's just me!" Jongwoon turned and stepped back to the chair, kneeling in front of it and wrapping Hangeng's hands in his own small ones. "Why can't you sing for me, Geng?"
"Because I… because you…" he swallowed. "You're the best singer around, right? Girls swoon for your songs. How many people actually remember your name is 'Jongwoon'? They all call you Yesung, yesool sungdae, because of your voice… no one was ever meant to hear me…"
Jongwoon stared at him for a moment. "You don't want to sing because you think you're not as good as me?" he asked in disbelief.
"I'm not as good as you."
"Hangeng," Jongwoon sighed. He'd walked into the Chinese man's dorm once, looking for Siwon, to find him singing to himself on his bed with his guitar in his lap, singing something absolutely beautiful, though Jongwoon didn't understand any of the words. Hangeng didn't notice him arrive, and only just caught the sound of the door closing quietly as the younger left.
Jongwoon felt for some reason uncomfortable with disturbing something so warm and personal, though often he found himself sitting outside the room with a glass pressed to the door to hear the singing.
It wasn't too long after that first time that he'd caught him in the dance hall. Jongwoon had been kept behind for that night, and had headed to the music building to calm himself down, and had heard the soft music that led him to Hangeng practicing by himself.
Ballet.
He'd have never guessed that the Chinese man was one who'd do that sort of thing…
But the graceful way he danced, completely confident in his every movement, was so… entrancing.
Jongwoon asked around a little, shy to talk to Hangeng himself, but it seemed his friends didn't know much about his hobbies. Speaking to his close friends, however, Jongwoon found out that Hangeng didn't like performing.
Stage fright?
"Hangeng," he said again, "I've heard you sing. Heaps of times. Would I be doing this if I didn't honestly want to hear you?"
Hangeng shook his head but Jongwoon knew he wasn't agreeing. Two tiny dark patches appeared on the blindfold.
"You don't have to be shy," he tried again.
"I can't." The damp patches grew.
"Okay… well… how about…" Jongwoon stood and pulled Hangeng to his feet too, pulling the chair away to the wall.
"Yesu- ah… Jongwoon?" Hangeng called uncertainly.
"Dance instead."
"Dance?" Hangeng tried to reach for the blindfold again but Jongwoon knocked his hands away.
"Ballet, right?"
"How do you-?"
"Shh." Jongwoon took the sides of his arms and steered him to the centre of the room. He stretched up and set his mouth once again close to Hangeng's ear. "There's no-one here, just you," he murmured. "No-one's going to laugh. No-one's going to judge." He backed away and silently trod to the stereo.
"Jongwoon, I can't see…"
"You won't crash into anything," the younger replied simply, starting the music.
Hangeng stood still in the centre of the floor, not wanting to move, not wanting to let anyone see what he did by himself. He was tired of the fighting, tired of the competition, tired of only doing things to be the best rather than because of an actual desire to do something. If anyone ever heard him sing, they'd instantly compare him to Jongwoon or Kyuhyun or Zhou Mi or Ryeowook. If he ever turned up at the dojo he'd be lumped in with and expected to compete with Sungmin, or worse, Kangin. If anyone saw him dance, he'd end up battling with Hyukjae or Donghae or Shindong.
Behind him Jongwoon said nothing. There was no more urging, no more encouraging, no more pleading. There was just him in his dark little world, while the familiar orchestral music invaded his mind and pushed at his muscles to move.
He knew the steps, knew them backwards, he didn't need his eyes. He let out a long breath and started to move, hoping that "You won't crash into anything" meant that Jongwoon would stop him from doing so, rather than just having faith that he knew where everything in the room was by feel.
He danced. It was not his best, as he tried to compensate for his lack of vision, but after a short time he forgot the other man's presence and his movements became easy, fluid but defined. He danced, humming quietly to the music, danced until the piece was over and he came to a graceful stop, holding his final pose.
A soft exhalation was all the notice he got that Jongwoon had approached him before small fingers reached up to his lip, caressing his philtrum. He jerked back slightly in surprise, blushing; Jongwoon followed him, unperturbed.
"I take back what I said before," he whispered.
"Wh-what did you say before?" Hangeng whispered back, slightly concerned.
"I suppose people would judge you, judge you to be amazing, that is…"
Hangeng's breath caught, mingled with Jongwoon's, as he felt warm, soft lips press against his own. Though it took him a couple of seconds to respond, he didn't fight. He raised his hand to Jongwoon's face and it was just getting good when the younger pulled away.
He let out a soft giggle and caught Hangeng's hands as they once again tried to reach for the satin strip.
"Thank you," he whispered, giving Hangeng's knuckles one quick kiss before dropping them.
Hangeng blushed and reached out, trying to catch him and pull him back, smiling awkwardly when his fingers met nothing but air.
"Jongwoon…"
There was no reply and he took a step forward, arm still outstretched, trying to find him.
"Jongwoon?"
He sighed. "I don't want to have to… you know… feel for you…"
"Jongwoon?"
Frustrated, he reached up and roughly jerked off the mask, turning a slow circle in the centre of the now-empty room.
He let out a quiet curse and ran to the door, looking out, but Jongwoon was gone.
Another sigh and he shoved the blindfold deep into his pocket, slipping on his shoes and jacket to head home.
He'd get another chance to give the cloth back.
And the kiss.