Chasing the Storm From the Sky (1/3)

[swshawnee]

Title: Chasing the Storm From the Sky
Pairing: TaeNy
Rating: G
Genre: Romance/Drama/Confession
Summary: Falling in love with your best friend isn't easy, but Taeyeon knows she has to confess.
Wordcount: 4,721

A/N: I wrote this back in 2010, and it's my first real life based fic. I had this posted on various sites including Livejournal before, but I had to take it down because I was a coward^^ Thankfully I outgrew it (at least in this case 8D) so if you recognize it... well^^
Comments are very much loved! And yes, this is part 1 out of three. ^^

The timing is perfect.
The sky is clear, the sun is shining, and it's a perfect evening to spend on the beach. With your best friend.
...who you're also madly in love with, without her knowing it.
It hasn't gone that long, only about a month, so I haven't had to pretend as much as I thought I would.
But a month is definitely more than enough to drive me halfway to insanity. And that's why I'm going to tell Tiffany tonight - out on the beach, with the sun and the waves and...
The timing is perfect.

Best friends. At least that's what they used to be. That's what they used to call each other when they stayed up until the middle of the night, listening to the soundtrack from The Lion King, just for the nostalgia of it. What they felt every time they sang together. That's what they said when they told other people about each other - "Taeyeon, my best friend, she always says that..."
They were best friends when they baked burned cookies, played soccer, wiped off their spilled soft drinks from the floor, when they rolled around on the grass, laughing until they couldn't breathe.
That's what they used to be. But something happened, that couldn't really be explained - somehow, they both stopped calling. At the same time. They didn't fight, they didn't cancel the promises of eternal friendship - they... drifted apart.
Drifted apart...
Taeyeon thought of those two words a lot in the seven months herself and Tiffany spent apart. How was it possible that such a thing could happen? She hadn't changed. She hadn't, right? And last time she saw Tiffany, she was still her same wonderful self. They had still laughed. They had still loved.
So she never understood, and even though they talked from time to time, she never had the guts to ask what "drifted apart" really meant.

But that was all going to change, one day when the rain was in the air.

There was a festival in town. A big, loud, obnoxious festival, with a lot of people, a lot of bands, and a ridiculously expensive entrance fee. No bands really caught her interest, and just entering the town itself was not worth all that money - but somehow, Taeyeon couldn't help but joining the mass of overexcited people.
The evening started with a bright sun, but to Taeyeon, it felt like... a stress factor. A big, sunny stress factor, shining along with all the people passing her in the streets, on their way to the next concert, to get cotton candy, or find a place to eat.
She didn't want to go with any of her friends, although she knew they were already there, somewhere, in the mass of strangers. They were far away today.
As time went on, and Taeyeon walked around on the streets, the clouds shifted into darkness. The shades of grey eventually took over, and all of a sudden, the pouring rain was there. Not bothering to find a dry place, she observed all the screaming, blond teenagers, running for cover to protect their make-up and complicated hairdos.
She enjoyed the loneliness. She was never much for company, or large crowds. She didn't mind being with her friends, but loneliness sometimes just had a... certain charm, she thought. She used to share that thought with someone... Who was it?
The rain started letting up, and she felt her cellphone vibrate softly in her pocket. She pulled it up, and read the text message she least had expected to see.
Are you at the street festival? Tiffany xx
What was that? Did she want to meet? In all honesty, Taeyeon didn't know for sure if she wanted to see Tiffany again. What if everything had become awkward with all the time that had passed between them, all the memories that had started to slowly fade away?
And what if it's not...
Yes, I'm here. Are you here too? x

Of course! Can we meet? xx

If you want to. Where are you? xx

I'm by the Chinese restaurant by the main stage, you know the one? x

Yes. I'll be there. x
Oh, Taeyeon had never known how to say no to Tiffany anyway.

She walked up the street outside the Chinese restaurant. The clouds held on to their grey colors, but the rain was gone. The smell of rain on asphalt was a little sour to her, but she loved it. It kept on reminding her that it really was summer - the beginning of July, to be exact. Her favorite time of the year.
She looked up, and on the other side of the long street, there she was. Tiffany. Her hair a lot longer than last time she saw her - a brighter brown color, too. It suited her very well.
Around her were her new friends that Taeyeon didn't know and had never met, and a shiver of fear went down her spine. She had never liked sharing friends with strangers.
All of a sudden, Tiffany looked up from her crowd of friends, and saw Taeyeon. She didn't smile. She didn't do anything, at first. She just looked back at her, and Taeyeon stopped walking.
Tiffany was so beautiful to her. She had grown up a lot, even if they'd only been apart for seven months. She was glowing. An angel with dark eyes.
Tiffany broke out from her group of friends without a word, and they all stared at her back with confused eyes.
She started running towards Taeyeon, faster, faster, and Taeyeon could feel her own legs start to carry herself forward too, along the street, between the people who had started to come out from the safe hideaways from the rain...
And Tiffany crashed into her embrace. Her body was warm, her long hair flew over Taeyeon's shoulders, and she was back. Taeyeon could feel her whole world already become effected by Tiffany's presence.
Even if it was something a little bit different about it this time...
Neither of them spoke. Taeyeon didn't know whether it was because they didn't know what to say, or if it was just a naturally quiet moment. Natural silence.
They just held each other, swaying lightly from side to side.
"Hello, Taetae" Tiffany whispered eventually.
"Hi..." Taeyeon answered, not letting go.
"I've missed you." Tiffany's voice was low, husky and filled with emotion. Taeyeon wondered for the millionth time how their time apart really had affected Tiffany.
"I missed you too."
And they finally broke apart and really looked at each other. Yes, those dark eyes... had always had an effect on Taeyeon that she couldn't collect anywhere else.
But it wasn't the same.
And it wasn't a negative change... it was... something new. Something that tingled somewhere deep down in her stomach. Something... heavy. And something wonderful.
"How are you?"
It was a simple question, but the answer was harder.
"I'm good, now."
"Good." And the silence was back. Tiffany was looking into her eyes as if she was searching for something, and Taeyeon felt oddly insecure as she looked back. Something different...
"I just wanted to see you for a bit, it's been a long time" Tiffany said, her face showing sadness. "I won't keep you if you're busy with something."
"No, I..." Taeyeon began, but the new difference, the new taste, was somehow scaring her a little.
Tiffany waited for an end to that sentence, but when no words seem to come, she appeared to give up.
"Well, I should get back to my friends anyway" she said. "Are their eyes burning holes in my back?" She nodded in direction of her new crowd. Taeyeon looked over Tiffany's shoulder.
"Yeah" she said, "and they look pretty offended, too." She was confused by her own emotionless voice, and coughed a couple of times.
"Then I'd better get back." Taeyeon nodded. "Listen, I wish you and me wouldn't have lost contact" she said, still with a sad look. "And I wish we could take it back up again. Do you think we can?" The question was honest, hopeful and a little desperate. Taeyeon didn't know the answer, but she didn't want to break any of those emotions, so she nodded a yes.
"Great" Tiffany said with a smile that made her eyes smaller, in a gorgeous way that Taeyeon had never really realized before. "Can we get together next Friday? My place?"
Everything was moving so fast and Taeyeon almost didn't know what she was agreeing to, but she nodded again, and all of a sudden, Tiffany had hugged her again and jumped off to her friends.
And Taeyeon was walking away. Alone, again.

Maybe that's what I did before, too, she thought. Maybe I was  the one who walked away. Who's to know?
She suddenly realized that she forgot to ask Tiffany how she was.
Something was making her lose her senses when Tiffany was around.

So, a month passed. Taeyeon had been right when she nodded an answer to Tiffany's question - could they start seeing each other again?
Things were back to normal. 7-months-ago normal.
...Almost.
It didn't take longer than a couple of hours after they met that day at the festival, that Taeyeon realized why the meeting with Tiffany frightened her a little.
Love.
A truly frightening concept. Especially when it's your best friend - who's also a girl.
She didn't know how to deal with it. Who to talk to, what to say - it came out of nowhere. She had never experienced anything like it before, and before she even had time to think about it, it was just thrown in her face.
And it was every day. Every time she closed her eyes at night and every time she opened them in the morning.
She felt it all the time. Not just when she was thinking about Tiffany (which, granted, was pretty often), but she was starting to believe that love was an actual physical thing that had taken a place inside of her. Always there, heavy on her heart.
And there was so much to think about - so much obsessing to do about Tiffany's every single word and movement. So many details to work through.
And nobody knew. She had considered telling Sooyoung, one of her friends, because she thought Sooyoung might understand, or at least accept her for it. But every time she opened her mouth, something useless about the day she had had would come out.

She just needed to get it out. Maybe letting the words out might take away some pressure on her heart, and who knew what kind of response she would get.
She knew Tiffany was understanding as a person, and that she'd never judge her for who she was in love with.
Tiffany understood love.
But when Taeyeon was in love with her, maybe it was different.
But none of it mattered. Taeyeon was going to take her chance, because a part of her felt that she couldn't just be friends with Tiffany anymore. In the end, she didn't really have a choice.
That actual, physical thing inside her controlled her more than she liked.
She was going to tell her.

So she found her chance on the night they went out to the beach. It wasn't a planned trip, it was one of Tiffany's impulsive choices.
They had ridden out there on Tiffany's moped. Taeyeon sat behind her and held her as tight as she could, taking in the feeling of Tiffany's body next to hers. It was nothing new. But it was thrilling.
And she was terrified of the moped.
Feeling Tiffany like that, still wasn't something she could be happy with. She didn't want Tiffany to be there, so close to her, just because she had to. A day when Tiffany would want to hold her hand and hold her as they fell asleep together, seemed so distant.
And yet, that thought was always so close to the surface.

If there was anything Taeyeon liked more than a warm July night on the beach, it was a warm July night on the beach with Tiffany.
When they walked through the grass leading to the beach, Taeyeon's heart was beating violently.
It was perfect.
...Until Tiffany threw a bunch of grass at her.
Taeyeon looked at her in confusion, before reaching down and grabbing her own fistful of weed - and so the war had started.
She chased Tiffany to the start of the beach, where Tiffany fell head first into the sand, laughing as she flew. Taeyeon ran up to her and threw her last pieces of grass into her face, before she, exhausted, sat down in the sand beside Tiffany. She could feel herself starting to sweat, and she longingly thought of the breeze of the sea.
Tiffany coughed while trying to regain her breath.
"I've got grass in my nose!"
"What?" Taeyeon said in disbelief.
"You put grass in my nose!" Tiffany half blew her nose and half laughed, while shooting Taeyeon both angry and amused glances.
"I'm sorry" Taeyeon managed to say between her giggles. "I didn't even know I could do that!"
"No, who would have thought..." Tiffany mumbled. "Ugh, it's coming down into my mouth!"
Taeyeon could almost feel herself starting to gag and she stood up, not wanting to look at Tiffany right then.
"That's... gross" she said, though still she couldn't stop laughing.
"Euuugguh" Tiffany groaned and pulled out the piece of grass out of her mouth. "Look at this!" she said to Taeyeon, who stood with her back towards her.
"No, no, I'm good."
"No, seriously, look what you did to me!" Tiffany got up and started walking towards Taeyeon, who violently turned around, afraid of getting the slimy grass thrown at her.
"It's fine, really" she said, laughing again. "I don't really want to see it!" She started backing towards the shore as Tiffany got closer to her.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, very!"
"I'm not. I think you should see it." Tiffany lunged towards her and Taeyeon screamed in disgust, gripping at Tiffany's wrists to keep the grass away from her.
"Come on! That thing has been in your nose!" Taeyeon yelled.
"Exactly" Tiffany laughed. "And you put it there!"
They laughed and wrestled for a while, before the nose-traveling plant fell out of Tiffany's grip.
"Damn" she mumbled and looked down at it. Taeyeon followed her gaze and quickly covered the grass up with sand, using her foot. Tiffany looked back at her.
And there it was again. The thing inside her came to life and started beating at her stomach.

Realizing she was still holding on to Tiffany's wrists, she hastily let go and shook some sand out of her hair.  Tiffany repeated her actions.
"Come on" Tiffany said, holding out her hand to Taeyeon, "let's go down to the water."
Taeyeon's brain clicked, and she knew the moment was coming.
She took Tiffany's hand, and let her lead her down to the shoreline.

"Do you remember the time when you put a little rock in your own ear, and we couldn't get it out?" Taeyeon asked. Tiffany laughed.
"Of course I do. Why do you wanna make me lose my senses?"
The sun was just about to go down over the water. To their left was a pier, supported by big blocks of stone, letting the sun's last rays of light linger on it.
"I don't, really. But you should have seen the look on your face when you realized you couldn't get it out." Taeyeon laughed at the memory.
"What?! You were as panicked as I was!"
Taeyeon gave her a look.
"Okay, almost."
The waves were not very high, but the wind was still strong enough for them to enjoy the sound of the water, the waves washing up on the sand in front of them. The warm breeze was like a sheet of silk to Taeyeon's face, and as she looked to her right, she could see it blowing through Tiffany's hair.
There she was. The one that had brought all this on. The one.
Taeyeon took a deep breath. Tiffany had closed her eyes, enjoying the wind on her face.
"When you close your eyes like this, it's not hard to imagine you're floating, or... flying."
Taeyeon didn't close her eyes. She didn't want to fly, or float. She wanted to be right there, in the moment.
"Yeah" she said.

"Have you ever really been in love?" Taeyeon asked. Tiffany didn't open her eyes, and she kept quiet so long that Taeyeon started to suspect she didn't hear the question.
"Yes."
"What was that like?"
Again, silence fell. A long silence, which made Taeyeon impatient. The anxiety of the words she wanted to get out were burning inside of her. Maybe I should have just said it, she thought.
"It was horrible."
"In what way?"
Silence again.
"Too many emotions just... running wild. All the time, every day." Taeyeon understood. "I hate feeling like I can't control myself, like I'm doing all these stupid things cause I can't think straight. And when I regain the ability to think clearly, I feel like shit for being such an idiot." Tiffany still hadn't opened her eyes, and somehow Taeyeon felt it made everything easier.
"I see" she said.
"Why do you ask?" Tiffany asked and slowly shook her head once to each side. Her hair blew up in the wind behind her.
"Well" Taeyeon started, looking straight at Tiffany. She realized she had no idea what to say.  "I'm in love, now" she sad eventually, thinking that must be the easiest way. To her surprise, Tiffany nodded.
"I thought so."
That was all. The only response. Taeyeon felt desperation creep up in her chest, mentally trying to get Tiffany to ask questions. Ask who it was.
"Oh" Taeyeon mumbled.
And seconds passed. The silence, usually so comfortable between the two of them, pressed heavily on Taeyeon's mind. She considered giving up on her plan, but one part of her told her to just... power through. It had to be done.
"So tell me" Tiffany said suddenly and Taeyeon almost jumped out of her skin. "Who is it?"
Finally.
Taeyeon let her fingers run through the cool sand beneath her as she drew a deep breath. Now.
She turned toward Tiffany.
"Okay, look" she began, gathering her words. "I'm sorry about this, and I wish I didn't have to tell you this, but I do. It's killing me. Okay? So I hope that --"
"Taetae..." Tiffany interrupted, opening her eyes and looking straight at Taeyeon.
Taeyeon's eyes opened wide and she fell silent. She didn't understand.
"Is it me?"

The question. She didn't expect this. She was supposed to make a confession, a million apologies and make Tiffany... understand.
Even though she wasn't really clear on everything herself. Of course she didn't want to lose Tiffany, in any sense, but the friendship thing had become such a burden when her insides were aching with longing for more.
Now, Tiffany went and asked the question and ruined all possibilities for explanation. It all sounded different when you put it like that.

"What?"
"Is it? Is it me?" Tiffany's eyes were piercing her. Her stare was so intense Taeyeon wanted to look away, but she forced herself to meet the dark gaze.
"What makes you think that?" she heard herself say.
"You've been acting..."
And no continuation. Taeyeon's heart sank - had been acting how?
"...like you had a secret."
Spot on.
"I did." Taeyeon felt like she had already confessed, like she'd finally given it all away without even saying it.
"So... it is me?"
Taeyeon took another deep breath.
"Yes. It's you."

And there it was. Everything. Her world was exposed and ready to be smashed.

"Taetae..." Tiffany mumbled, turning herself around so that they were both facing each other.
Taeyeon had always loved that Tiffany called her that, and it sounded more wonderful every time she said it.
Tiffany grabbed her hand in silence, and Taeyeon felt no hope. No fear. No excitement or disappointment, relief or disbelief. But she was at peace - it was no longer just inside her anymore. It was everywhere. Out in the open.
"Yeah."
"I like you."

And Taeyeon hereby officially hated sentences that had more than one interpretation. In a moment like this, everything should be so clear that you can't make a mistake. She felt like she really couldn't afford to get her hopes up.
"Well, as a friend" Taeyeon said, trying to clear her own aching misunderstanding up.
"No, not just as a friend" Tiffany said with a head tilt. "I like you."
The wind was getting calmer. The sound of the waves weren't as loud anymore, and the sun was just about gone. Darkness had started to fall.
And there were still some words that Taeyeon's mind could not process. Three words that lost their meaning and couldn't be put together in a sentence. It was everything that she hadn't expected.

"You do?" A shaking voice.
"Yes, I do. I have for a while."
A while. What was a while? A long while, or a short while? And why was it even important?
A sudden breeze interrupted their conversation and toyed with their hair. Some sand blew in the distance of the beach, looking like a tropical fog.
"So..." Taeyeon mumbled. But there were still no words.
"I would love to be with you, Taetae."
It was everything Taeyeon could imagine - and still there was something that wasn't quite right.
"You would?" she asked, so scared, so happy, and so confused about her own senses.
"Yes. But I can't."
And that's what it was. That's where it fell.
"Why?"
The answer was coming, but Taeyeon could see it was hard for Tiffany to say it. Like she was ashamed of it. She could see Tiffany's wish to cry, even though she held it back.
"Because I'm scared... of what the others would think."
"The others?"
Tiffany nodded.
"My friends. My family."
Taeyeon didn't answer. She didn't know what to say. She let her gaze rest on the waves again. It was safer that way.
"I'm sorry" Tiffany continued.
Yes, it made a difference to Taeyeon. Not a big difference, but good enough. She nodded.
"I'm sorry that I'm so weak and that I'm too afraid to go for what I really want" Tiffany said, and she had the voice of someone suffering. It made Taeyeon turn her gaze from the water to the beautiful girl beside her again.
"I don't know what to say."
She didn't know how to change Tiffany's mind. They were going to be kept apart by some people who's opinions may or may not be negative?
Nobody else could ever make her not want to be with Tiffany.
Tiffany started playing with Taeyeon's hair. She felt Tiffany's cold hand as it graced her cheek for just a second.
For just a second.
"I hope you can forgive me" Tiffany pleaded.
Taeyeon was next to close her eyes. She enjoyed, for the first time, the touch of someone who was in love with her.
"It's just..." she said. "You're the one living your life. Not them."
Tiffany gave her hair another three strokes before letting her hand fall down in her lap.
"I know."

They walked out on the pier together. Taeyeon wanted to hold Tiffany's hand, but she didn't want to get used to something she knew would be taken away from her.
The darkness was just around the corner, while the waves just slowly and almost silently washed up against the rocks around them.
She knew she should think about the future, but it was so hard right then and there, with Tiffany's presence like a painful blessing.
How would they get by?
They climbed out to the rocks at the very end of the pier, looking out to the calm water, the darkness. They sat pressed against each other on the same rock, but there were no arms around each other. No head on shoulder, no holding hands. It was all there, so close, but if it was just for the moment, maybe it was better to leave it.
"I'm gonna ask you a strange question" Tiffany said suddenly.
"Alright."
"Why do you like me?"
They both looked straight out into the ocean, not even glancing at each other. Taeyeon sighed a little. She had had some time to think about that.
"Because you're... Because you freak out every time you see something pink in a shop." Tiffany laughed. "Because you're such an American Girl, you know? Because of the way you complain that your nails are so weak every time they break. Because you cry at Disney movies and... the way you hide behind me every time we come across a bug."
Tiffany shivered.
"You know, you should probably seek some help for that" Taeyeon said, finally looking at Tiffany.
"I've already called the exterminators. They say they can't spray the entire world, apparently it's too much work."
Taeyeon gave a short laugh.
"How unprofessional of them."
"I know, right?"

A slight nod from Taeyeon, and then they entered their natural state, in silence, again. It was okay. She didn't need Tiffany's promises or apologies. She felt as if though, maybe, this was their last night together, before everything would get too hard.
She would be surprised if it wasn't so.
So there were still a few things left to tell her.

"Last night I dreamed that I sang at your funeral."
She didn't know why it felt so important to say it.
"You did?"
And the water was calm. No waves. No sound.
"Yes, I did."
"What did you sing?" Tiffany sounded weirdly curious about the concept of her own funeral. Or what her funeral would be like in Taeyeon's mind.
"I could sing it to you now, if you want."
"Yes, please! I love your singing." Taeyeon, of course, already knew that.
"Okay."
If only you could see the tears
in the world you left behind
If only you could heal my heart
just one more time
Even when I close my eyes
there's an image of your face
And once again I've come to realize
You're a loss I can't replace

And silence followed again.
"Would you sing that for me? On my actual funeral?" Tiffany asked.
"No."
"Why not?"
"Cause you're not gonna die" Taeyeon refused. "Never ever." Tiffany laughed.
"That's right, I forgot."
Tiffany leaned her head on Taeyeon's shoulder, and for Taeyeon, it meant everything. It was something she'd experienced many times, but not like this. Not with knowing that Tiffany had feelings for her, and that she enjoyed the feeling of closeness with her.
It was getting colder as the evening was starting to turn into night. The darkness was complete. Taeyeon shivered a little at the thought of getting back on the moped and going all the way back home on that death machine, the cold air pressed tightly around her.
"We should probably get going" Tiffany said, as if she had been reading Taeyeon's mind. If that was the case, it wouldn't be the first time. "I don't want it to be too cold when we drive home, or we're probably gonna freeze to death."
"I was just thinking about that" Taeyeon answered, trying to hide her usual excitement over their connection. Tiffany lifted her head from Taeyeon's shoulder, looked up and smiled at her. Taeyeon didn't know what she preferred - Tiffany's head on her shoulder or her smile.
Tiffany got up, climbed back up to the pier and offered her hand to Taeyeon, who immediately took it.
Back on the ground, with a pain in her knees and body cold under the thin clothes, she expected Tiffany to let go of her hand.
But she didn't.
And they walked through the dead silent world around them, the only sound coming from the gravel under their feet.
Tiffany's hand was warming hers.
And something was going to happen. She just knew it.
It might have been the last night, but it wasn't going to end there.

A/N:
The song Taeyeon sang to Tiffany is 'Soledad' by Westlife, if anyone was wondering. It's a gorgeous song and you should all listen to it ;> Anyways so yeah, what do you think?~
Part 2 this way~