A Little White Lie: Part 14
This is the final chapter of A Little White Lie. I apologize for taking longer than usual to get it out. Real life concerns were getting in the way (why doesn't everyone understand the necessity of writing sexy Anders fic?) but I would never give up! I really have to thank everyone for reading and commenting so far. You guys are the best. If you've been reading but haven't commented yet...now would be a great time! Your comments mean so much to me!
I also have to say a huge thanks to my critique partner aphreal42 for being fabulous. I know this story is a hundred times better for having her input.
Title: A Little White Lie - part 14/14
Author: signcherie
Rating: M
Pairing: Anders/f!Hawke
Spoilers: Middle of Act 2, Anders romance
Summary: Hawke is awkward with men. To get her to loosen up around Anders, Bethany and Isabela tell her that the apostate is only romantically interested...in other men.
crossposting to knickerweasels
To start from the beginning, you can find previous chapters here.
They lay in bed, holding each other, Autumn still on top of Anders. Anders’s entire body was tingling with the aftereffects of their lovemaking. He trailed his fingertips slowly across her back, up and down.
Autumn lifted her head and kissed him, first on one cheek, then the other, then his forehead, his nose, and finally a light kiss on the lips. “I’ve been wanting to do that for a long time,” she said.
“Mmm,” Anders said, drawing her closer.
“What was that spell? The one you used on me? It was...nice.”
“Oh, that? Just a spell to make you...aroused again.”
Autumn looked at him and raised her eyebrows. “I was already aroused again.”
“Oh,” Anders said. “That’s probably why it had such a strong effect, then.”
Hawke smacked his arm halfheartedly, which was still hard enough that Anders had to bite back a yelp or risk looking pathetically weak. They lapsed back into languid, blissful silence.
“Did you ever think,” Autumn said after a while, trailing her fingers through his chest hair, “when we first met, that we would end up here?”
Anders hesitated. “Did you?” he asked.
“I hoped so, but no, not really,” Autumn said. “I didn’t really believe I had a chance with you.”
“What?” Anders said, shocked. “How could you think that?”
Hawke hid her face, burying it against his neck. “I’m...really bad with men,” she said. “And you didn’t seem to like me very much.”
Anders was horrified. “You thought I didn’t like you?”
“The first time we met? When you didn’t want to give me your maps? No, you didn’t seem very impressed with me.”
“That’s not true.” Anders used his fingers to lift her chin so she was looking at him. “I thought you were the most beautiful creature I’d ever seen. If I was...cross, it was because I was cursing the Maker for sending you to me now, after it was too late.”
“Too late?”
Anders ignored her question. “I told myself I could resist you. You were just a pretty face. You would help me free Karl, I would give you the maps, and that would be it. And then, when I lost control in front of you, and you realized...what I was, I thought for sure you would try to kill me. But you just listened and watched me with that serious face, and I couldn’t tell what you were thinking. I was desperate to know. Where you condemning me or pitying me? And then...you called me sexy.”
Autumn groaned.
“I couldn’t believe there was a woman out there who could still be interested, who could want me even with an...extra passenger in my head. And I found myself asking you to come back, when I should have been telling you to run away.”
Autumn brushed a lock of hair out of his eyes. His hair tie had gotten lost at some point, though he had no idea when. “I don’t think I ever could have run away from you,” she said. “Not even back then.”
Anders looked at Autumn’s trusting face, into her big, beautiful eyes. He should be content, but listening to her avow her loyalty to him, he couldn’t stop a wave of fear from washing over him. It would kill him if anything happened to her. Was he so weak that he would endanger her this way? Take from her any possibility of a normal, happy life?
She always seemed so strong, but underneath her armor, she was all warm, soft skin, just as vulnerable as anyone else. A templar sword would kill her just as surely as it would another.
“You should run,” he said, though the words killed him to say. How could he possibly live without her now? “You deserve-”
“Don’t.” Autumn’s voice was sharp, and Anders stopped in mid-sentence. Her expression softened. “Don’t,” she said more softly. “Not now. Let this moment be just for us.”
He let out a breath. He already knew he could refuse her nothing, and besides, he was not strong enough to push her away any more. Not after what they’d shared tonight.
Anders brushed his lips against hers and reveled in her soft sigh of contentment.
“I can’t really believe you’re here,” Anders said. “I never knew-I could never be sure if you felt the same as I did. I thought you did at first...but then I didn’t know anymore. I just couldn’t read you at all.”
Hawke groaned and hid her face from him again.
“Autumn?” Anders asked. “Is something wrong?”
She sighed. “If I tell you why I acted so strangely, do you promise not to laugh?”
Anders couldn’t imagine anything she could say that he would find amusing. “That seems a simple enough promise.”
He wished she would look back at him, but she only buried her head more. “I thought that you weren’t interested in me,” Autumn said, “because I thought that you only fancied men.”
It took a minute for her words to sink in. “What...why would you think that?”
But even as he asked, his mind was going back to one of their earliest conversations. He remembered Autumn, standing in his clinic, suddenly nervous as she asked him about his relationship with Karl.
“Oh, Maker,” Anders said, horrified. “You asked me about Karl...and I didn’t explain....”
Hawke peeked up at him. “It’s not your fault. If you must know, it was Isabela and Bethany. They told me you weren’t interested in women.”
Anders tried to figure out why Isabela or Bethany would want to lie to Hawke about him, but he came up blank. “I don’t understand,” he said. “Why would they do that?”
Autumn looked away. “They did it because I’m so bad with men,” she said. “They thought I would be myself with you if I didn’t think I had a chance.”
Anders held her a little tighter. “You’re not bad with men,” he said. “You weren’t bad with me.”
“That’s because their plan worked. I treated you differently because I thought you were a lost cause. But remember how I acted with you the first few weeks we knew each other? I blurted out some really awful pick-up lines.”
Anders shook his head slowly. “I don’t remember any awful lines.”
Autumn stopped trying to hide her face and propped herself up on her elbow so she could look at him.
“I know you didn’t forget,” she said. “You told me you were possessed, and I said how sexy the tortured look was. I told you Justice was lucky to make a deal with you because he got such a nice body.”
Anders laughed softly. “I thought that was sweet.”
She stared at him openmouthed.
“What? Does that bother you?” Anders put a hand on Autumn’s cheek. “The truth is, I thought you were perfect from the first time I met you. And I still do.”
Hawke looked at him for a moment longer. Then she lowered her head to his.
Anders didn’t think he would ever get used to kissing her, the shock of sweetness each time her lips met his. The kiss gained intensity very quickly. Anders rolled her over on her back and let his hands wander over Autumn’s body, exploring all her exquisite curves. Autumn tangled her fingers in his hair, and Anders felt his body responding.
“Maker’s breath.” Hawke broke the kiss, looking at him in amazement. “Again? So soon?”
Anders laughed lightly at the expression of awe on her face. “You didn’t think I could get you out of my system that easily, did you?”
He leaned in to kiss her again, but Hawke hesitated. Her beautiful eyes were full of emotion, her forehead creased with worry. “Is that what we’re doing?” she whispered. “Getting me out of your system?”
The question surprised Anders. He’d thought his adoration for her was obvious. But he realized that after keeping her at arm’s length for three years, it was only natural she would fear he might push her away again.
He leaned in and kissed away all the little lines of concern that marred her lovely face.
“It would be impossible,” Anders murmured. “You’re in my blood, in the marrow of my bones. If I had a million years with you, it wouldn’t be enough. I can’t give you up now. Maker help me, I know I should, but I’m just not strong enough. I can’t ever let you go again.”
He meant it perhaps a bit more literally than Hawke realized. If it were up to him, he’d never stop touching her. But then Autumn claimed his lips again and wiped all other thoughts from his mind.
Later, when they’d exhausted themselves once more, Hawke curled up against Anders’s chest and whispered sleepily, “I love you, Anders.”
I love you, Autumn, Anders thought, but the words stuck in his throat, too terrifying to say. I love you. I love you. You mean everything to me. You’re all that is bright and good and right in this world. I love you.
Autumn’s soft breathing told him that she had fallen asleep.
-----
Anders began drifting back to consciousness slowly. He reached out for Hawke, to pull her back into his embrace, but his questing hands found only empty sheets.
Anders’s eyes flew open, and he sat up.
She was still there, thank the Maker. Autumn was standing before the fireplace, her lips curved in a peaceful smile. The light from the fireplace enveloped her in a golden glow. Or maybe the glow was just her.
She took his breath away.
In that moment, Anders thanked the Maker again for this blessing. Autumn could have any man she wanted, and any of them could give her more than he could. That she chose to be here, with him-it was a gift, a treasure. He knew he hadn’t always been a good man, though he had tried to make up for his mistakes. All his work with the clinic, all the mages he’d saved-if he could have this, even for just a moment, it was a greater reward than he ever could have hoped for.
And suddenly he realized he could say anything to her. He didn’t know what might come in the future, but they had this. They had now. And that was enough.
Anders climbed off the bed and approached Autumn. She turned to him, her beautiful eyes full of warmth.
“I love you,” Anders whispered.
I also have to say a huge thanks to my critique partner aphreal42 for being fabulous. I know this story is a hundred times better for having her input.
Title: A Little White Lie - part 14/14
Author: signcherie
Rating: M
Pairing: Anders/f!Hawke
Spoilers: Middle of Act 2, Anders romance
Summary: Hawke is awkward with men. To get her to loosen up around Anders, Bethany and Isabela tell her that the apostate is only romantically interested...in other men.
crossposting to knickerweasels
To start from the beginning, you can find previous chapters here.
They lay in bed, holding each other, Autumn still on top of Anders. Anders’s entire body was tingling with the aftereffects of their lovemaking. He trailed his fingertips slowly across her back, up and down.
Autumn lifted her head and kissed him, first on one cheek, then the other, then his forehead, his nose, and finally a light kiss on the lips. “I’ve been wanting to do that for a long time,” she said.
“Mmm,” Anders said, drawing her closer.
“What was that spell? The one you used on me? It was...nice.”
“Oh, that? Just a spell to make you...aroused again.”
Autumn looked at him and raised her eyebrows. “I was already aroused again.”
“Oh,” Anders said. “That’s probably why it had such a strong effect, then.”
Hawke smacked his arm halfheartedly, which was still hard enough that Anders had to bite back a yelp or risk looking pathetically weak. They lapsed back into languid, blissful silence.
“Did you ever think,” Autumn said after a while, trailing her fingers through his chest hair, “when we first met, that we would end up here?”
Anders hesitated. “Did you?” he asked.
“I hoped so, but no, not really,” Autumn said. “I didn’t really believe I had a chance with you.”
“What?” Anders said, shocked. “How could you think that?”
Hawke hid her face, burying it against his neck. “I’m...really bad with men,” she said. “And you didn’t seem to like me very much.”
Anders was horrified. “You thought I didn’t like you?”
“The first time we met? When you didn’t want to give me your maps? No, you didn’t seem very impressed with me.”
“That’s not true.” Anders used his fingers to lift her chin so she was looking at him. “I thought you were the most beautiful creature I’d ever seen. If I was...cross, it was because I was cursing the Maker for sending you to me now, after it was too late.”
“Too late?”
Anders ignored her question. “I told myself I could resist you. You were just a pretty face. You would help me free Karl, I would give you the maps, and that would be it. And then, when I lost control in front of you, and you realized...what I was, I thought for sure you would try to kill me. But you just listened and watched me with that serious face, and I couldn’t tell what you were thinking. I was desperate to know. Where you condemning me or pitying me? And then...you called me sexy.”
Autumn groaned.
“I couldn’t believe there was a woman out there who could still be interested, who could want me even with an...extra passenger in my head. And I found myself asking you to come back, when I should have been telling you to run away.”
Autumn brushed a lock of hair out of his eyes. His hair tie had gotten lost at some point, though he had no idea when. “I don’t think I ever could have run away from you,” she said. “Not even back then.”
Anders looked at Autumn’s trusting face, into her big, beautiful eyes. He should be content, but listening to her avow her loyalty to him, he couldn’t stop a wave of fear from washing over him. It would kill him if anything happened to her. Was he so weak that he would endanger her this way? Take from her any possibility of a normal, happy life?
She always seemed so strong, but underneath her armor, she was all warm, soft skin, just as vulnerable as anyone else. A templar sword would kill her just as surely as it would another.
“You should run,” he said, though the words killed him to say. How could he possibly live without her now? “You deserve-”
“Don’t.” Autumn’s voice was sharp, and Anders stopped in mid-sentence. Her expression softened. “Don’t,” she said more softly. “Not now. Let this moment be just for us.”
He let out a breath. He already knew he could refuse her nothing, and besides, he was not strong enough to push her away any more. Not after what they’d shared tonight.
Anders brushed his lips against hers and reveled in her soft sigh of contentment.
“I can’t really believe you’re here,” Anders said. “I never knew-I could never be sure if you felt the same as I did. I thought you did at first...but then I didn’t know anymore. I just couldn’t read you at all.”
Hawke groaned and hid her face from him again.
“Autumn?” Anders asked. “Is something wrong?”
She sighed. “If I tell you why I acted so strangely, do you promise not to laugh?”
Anders couldn’t imagine anything she could say that he would find amusing. “That seems a simple enough promise.”
He wished she would look back at him, but she only buried her head more. “I thought that you weren’t interested in me,” Autumn said, “because I thought that you only fancied men.”
It took a minute for her words to sink in. “What...why would you think that?”
But even as he asked, his mind was going back to one of their earliest conversations. He remembered Autumn, standing in his clinic, suddenly nervous as she asked him about his relationship with Karl.
“Oh, Maker,” Anders said, horrified. “You asked me about Karl...and I didn’t explain....”
Hawke peeked up at him. “It’s not your fault. If you must know, it was Isabela and Bethany. They told me you weren’t interested in women.”
Anders tried to figure out why Isabela or Bethany would want to lie to Hawke about him, but he came up blank. “I don’t understand,” he said. “Why would they do that?”
Autumn looked away. “They did it because I’m so bad with men,” she said. “They thought I would be myself with you if I didn’t think I had a chance.”
Anders held her a little tighter. “You’re not bad with men,” he said. “You weren’t bad with me.”
“That’s because their plan worked. I treated you differently because I thought you were a lost cause. But remember how I acted with you the first few weeks we knew each other? I blurted out some really awful pick-up lines.”
Anders shook his head slowly. “I don’t remember any awful lines.”
Autumn stopped trying to hide her face and propped herself up on her elbow so she could look at him.
“I know you didn’t forget,” she said. “You told me you were possessed, and I said how sexy the tortured look was. I told you Justice was lucky to make a deal with you because he got such a nice body.”
Anders laughed softly. “I thought that was sweet.”
She stared at him openmouthed.
“What? Does that bother you?” Anders put a hand on Autumn’s cheek. “The truth is, I thought you were perfect from the first time I met you. And I still do.”
Hawke looked at him for a moment longer. Then she lowered her head to his.
Anders didn’t think he would ever get used to kissing her, the shock of sweetness each time her lips met his. The kiss gained intensity very quickly. Anders rolled her over on her back and let his hands wander over Autumn’s body, exploring all her exquisite curves. Autumn tangled her fingers in his hair, and Anders felt his body responding.
“Maker’s breath.” Hawke broke the kiss, looking at him in amazement. “Again? So soon?”
Anders laughed lightly at the expression of awe on her face. “You didn’t think I could get you out of my system that easily, did you?”
He leaned in to kiss her again, but Hawke hesitated. Her beautiful eyes were full of emotion, her forehead creased with worry. “Is that what we’re doing?” she whispered. “Getting me out of your system?”
The question surprised Anders. He’d thought his adoration for her was obvious. But he realized that after keeping her at arm’s length for three years, it was only natural she would fear he might push her away again.
He leaned in and kissed away all the little lines of concern that marred her lovely face.
“It would be impossible,” Anders murmured. “You’re in my blood, in the marrow of my bones. If I had a million years with you, it wouldn’t be enough. I can’t give you up now. Maker help me, I know I should, but I’m just not strong enough. I can’t ever let you go again.”
He meant it perhaps a bit more literally than Hawke realized. If it were up to him, he’d never stop touching her. But then Autumn claimed his lips again and wiped all other thoughts from his mind.
Later, when they’d exhausted themselves once more, Hawke curled up against Anders’s chest and whispered sleepily, “I love you, Anders.”
I love you, Autumn, Anders thought, but the words stuck in his throat, too terrifying to say. I love you. I love you. You mean everything to me. You’re all that is bright and good and right in this world. I love you.
Autumn’s soft breathing told him that she had fallen asleep.
-----
Anders began drifting back to consciousness slowly. He reached out for Hawke, to pull her back into his embrace, but his questing hands found only empty sheets.
Anders’s eyes flew open, and he sat up.
She was still there, thank the Maker. Autumn was standing before the fireplace, her lips curved in a peaceful smile. The light from the fireplace enveloped her in a golden glow. Or maybe the glow was just her.
She took his breath away.
In that moment, Anders thanked the Maker again for this blessing. Autumn could have any man she wanted, and any of them could give her more than he could. That she chose to be here, with him-it was a gift, a treasure. He knew he hadn’t always been a good man, though he had tried to make up for his mistakes. All his work with the clinic, all the mages he’d saved-if he could have this, even for just a moment, it was a greater reward than he ever could have hoped for.
And suddenly he realized he could say anything to her. He didn’t know what might come in the future, but they had this. They had now. And that was enough.
Anders climbed off the bed and approached Autumn. She turned to him, her beautiful eyes full of warmth.
“I love you,” Anders whispered.