Decision
Title: Decision
Rating: K+
Genre: Angst/Drama
Character: Kaoru
Warning/s: Grammar
Summary: Kaoru’s been thinking about something. What could it be?
Disclaimer: I do not own . It belongs to Hatori Bisco.Ouran High School Host Club
Chapter 1:
I have been looking from afar. Every day of my life, I dedicate my time to look after you, but you never appreciate it and just smile, turn around and hug the auburn-haired girl we have loved.
"I wish I was her."
You always shared your secrets with and I always hid them. However, when it's my time to share a secret, you just simply leave me and find someone else to enjoy time with others.
"I wish I didn't bore you."
Every time you're sad or gloomy, I feel sad and sympathetic towards you. But, when I'm sad, you're just concerned; not sad. You asked me what happened and when I finally answered, you left me to tell the others. You didn't even try to comfort me.
"I wish you were thoughtful."
I gave you everything but you never gave me anything in return. You didn't give me your love. Was the love you have for me… fake? I hope not. If it were, my heart would be crushed, shattered into thousands of pieces. I never realized you were so cold towards me. I always thought you were my shining sun, but when she appeared and unlocked our world I felt like we became separated from each other. She took away you, my shining light, and claimed it all to herself. So greedy. I want to keep you and hold you until I die. I want to claim you and treasure you forever just like a boy keeping a toy everyday in his arms. I want to, but would you? To you, you wanted her to be yours, you wanted her to be your lover, and you wanted her for everything! Moreover, there's not a single thing you wanted from me. It was always her.
I was hurt when I realized it. We weren’t made to be together forever. I wish I were her, so you would claim me all for yourself. Why is God so cruel? I’ve never done anything to him. Am I that sinful? Please forgive me! I have tried to forget, but these feelings won't go away. I've realized I'm in love with my own brother; my own blood.
Which is better for me? To hope that someday you and I will be together? Or should I give up and forget my feelings for you? It's very hard. I cannot choose, but I must suffer the consequences of my indecision.
I closed my eyes for a moment and thought about it. Which would be better? After I thought about it, I made a decision. It might help or it might make me suffer more. Still, I have to face the consequences.
My decision is to forget about you and leave you alone with her. Leave the world we have created and find another world that would give me peace. I stood up from my chair and you looked at me curiously. I went to her and stooped down to whisper something.
"Haruhi, please take care of Hikaru," I softly whispered it into her ear. She was shocked.
"Eh? Kaoru? What do you mean?" I didn't answer her questions and walked away.
As I walked, I reminisced about the past when we were still close to each other. However, as time passed, things fell apart for me. Therefore, the best decision is for me to stay away from him. Let us both expand our worlds and let no one stay in the filthy world we have created.
Hikaru, I'm very sorry. I'm a very selfish and sinful younger brother. You never notice me. I wanted you to go away and stop clinging to me and hanging out with me, but you didn't stop. I wish that you would have stopped following and caring for me during these 15 years and let me live alone. If it were like that, I wouldn't have these forbidden feelings. I vowed that we cannot see each other ever again, because every time I see you I feel like I am committing a sin.