Return of 11/2/13 Asshole of the Day
Just thought I'd update everyone on the ongoing saga of last week's Asshole.
The beginning of the story is here. The short version of that story is that a fellow named Victor e-mailed me to propose marriage while accusing me of desperately seeking attention through my asexuality awareness efforts, and he offered his fantastic catch of a self as a solution to my supposed problems. Furthermore, I'm the PERFECT mate for him because once he has converted me to wanting him romantically and sexually, I will still never want other people that way, and am therefore a safe choice for him since I will never stray.
I chewed him out as per usual, and received some of the most appallingly oblivious rambles I've ever seen in response--this man insisted that I may not believe him now, but that I WILL be dating soon, and that I should remember him WHEN it happens so I can come crawling to him with my apology and declaration of love. He asserted that he is the Chosen One, and that NO woman has EVER seen him and not felt something (despite that he is 35 and single and asking girls on Facebook to marry him). I cleaned his clock pretty good, made it very clear that he's just one of many who have claimed he alone can change me, and told him I find him and his claims to be a joke. That was where I left it.
He is back.
I did not answer this message, because it's just more drivel and pointlessness, so I am inserting my comments for your entertainment.
Dearest Sondra, sorry i spelled your name wrong. I think spellcheck did that and i believe you'll now better understand.
[Erm, that's still not my correct name. But yeah, I gotcha, it's spellcheck's fault that you can't look at an e-mail header and get my name right.]
I read your analysis of the current situation and couldn believe you could reach such a rather nonchalant and inconsiderate conclusion about an individual you have never even met. Its obvious that you like to consider yourself a unique, highly evolved human being who does not care what the rest of the world think. Is it very unlikely you are overdoing it even a little bit.
[The irony of a man who claims he is Different From All the Others telling ME I just want to be unique has not escaped me. Neither has the irony of HIM saying to ME that I'm making sweeping judgments of his character even though I've never met him.]
Being different from most people on earth cannot be all that much fun and it surely cannot generate satisfaction and especially personal fulfillment for very obvious reasons (to some of us at least).
[Tell me more, Chosen One. I guess you would know all about the burden of the different. Also tell me all about how my feelings aren't actually what I say they are, because everything I do is about wanting to be unique, not about any of the words I'm actually saying.]
Warding off every concerned individual (intruders to you) may very often grant you some feeling of importance and much relevance (which is so ok with me) but it usually ends shortly after you begin to think about your entire life because you know you have a problem and will very often cry yourself to sleep on countless number of days and especially nights even though you never tell people about that part of your seemingly joyful and independent existence.
[This is my favorite part! Aw, poor Victor. Look at how he desperately scrabbles to project loneliness and sadness onto me, then claims we both know how well he's got me pegged! Yes, yes, wise Victor, you truly grasp how deep inside I KNOW I actually have a problem, and you are so insightful and surprisingly knowledgeable about all the crying I do when I'm alone! If only I occasionally got the attention of a good man, I could drop this whole ruse, but alas, no one but you has ever, ever volunteered for this unenviable position of converting me, and I am far too set in my ways to admit that deep down I Just Want to Be Loved. Don't worry, Victor; I'm sure your wiseness has also alerted you to the fact that one day, one day soon, I will come to terms with the echoing sadness of my life and realize it was kindness, not a raging case of unwarranted self-importance, that has caused you to bestow upon me your selfless offer of marrying me and converting me. After which I still will not want other men though, of course.]
I am one of the few people in this galaxy who can totally reverse what you are going through and by that i mean every word. The best part is that you do not need to pay a dime to anyone or attend even one lecture. That is what i offer you.
[Look at this Special Little Man! He can wave his wand (whatever that wand might actually be) and change me, save me, and rescue me from my own choices that have clearly brought me such despair, and I don't even have to pay him! WHAT A GUY!]
About my being good at handling women etc., i'm actually not all that good.
[Well I never would have guessed that, dear Victor. But "no woman has ever seen me and dint feel something and that's from experience. I'm 6ft 2 and very handsome." Got it.]
I just was thinking a little differently from you at the time which i believe should not be a huge crime.
[Definitely. I'm so evil for treating him like he's committed a CRIME here. I'm totally having him arrested for thinking differently. As we all know, I totally don't tolerate anyone who thinks differently from the norm.]
Anyway, i dint know that you still held those offenses against me but its ok cos your current stance is quite rigid due to what i perceive as your response to yet another attack. I understand that you do need to store some weapons to use to drive away such intruders such as my humble self especially since you see the situation the way you do.
[And he continues to dazzle the crowd with his amazing psychological analysis. Me telling him to fuck off has nothing to do with how I'm not interested and he's a joke. It's just my hysterical self-preservation attempt, because as we all know, a woman who rejects a man is just building up her armor and proving that she's been hurt, and isn't Open to Love. (In the form of a man who is kindly willing to tell her what she thinks and feels, and has secret knowledge of her crying-herself-to-sleep habit, of course!)]
About wanting you so much that's not how i would put it. I do want you but because things have turned out the way they have, i'll keep all that to myself till i think you're ready, if ever.
[Look at you, willing to wait. How noble. I love when men patiently wait for me to suddenly not be asexual. Total turn-on. You'd just better hope you don't grow any mold on you in the meantime, because before I can accept your love I've obviously got a lot of psychological trauma and blocks to work through here, bro.]
Remember that i said in an earlier that why i want you is not just to have access to your body (your goodies), there is at least one other very important reason (to me) that makes you so much more attractive than most other women.
[I don't know why you think this is so important, Victor, or why you seem to think I don't understand your position, but yes, it's very very clear to me that you believe I could be made to love and desire you and somehow that would not flip the same switch for any other person on this Earth, thus assuring you that I would be true to you. And that's totally supposed to be flattering to me--that there is a reason besides sex that you want me. Truly a compliment to know you ALSO want me because you think I wouldn't fuck around on you. Thank you so much.]
I'm aware that you need to show the outside world some strength and zeal to make your current situation work out and even appear admirable so as to encourage others of your kind that life can be beautiful especially since there are no other options on the table. I am not unaware that deep down inside (you may even admit it once in a long while) you would like to be like every other woman out there..
[No, no, wait, THIS is my favorite! Yes, this is all about my Image. My strong Asexual Image. How could I continue to lead this sexless army if I myself succumbed to his charms? My life would be ruined! This thing that I just NEED to believe in to give my life meaning, though obviously it is hollow and I know it, and fulfillment in his arms and in his bed is what we both MUST admit we know I need. He is "not unaware" of what is deep inside me, and one day I will admit that I want to be like all the other women. I just need that belonging. Please, please, Victor, tell me more of this secret longing you sense inside me. This need to be the same as all the others. The need you know is there, while you preach about your own uniqueness among all men on this planet.]
I do not think too highly of myself and will also admit to being subject to the usual human weaknesses.
[I'm afraid that's a filthy lie, Victor. Because these are among your quotes: "no woman has ever seen me and dint feel something and that's from experience. I'm 6ft 2 and very handsome" -- "everyone who knows me knows that i'm a great guy and that is putting it mildly" -- "your encounter with me today will surely change your life" -- "I am the chosen one, what i say does eventually come to pass. You will begin to date soon and that is final!" Yeah, that really sounds a lot like you don't think highly of yourself and that you believe yourself subject to human weaknesses. Sounds a lot more like you think you're the fucking second coming and you are in denial about the fact that you are just another turd of a man begging for ladies' attention.]
By this i mean that my behavior towards people and also strangers is likely not going to always be impeccable.
You have character and i like that but those words i have spoken to you about how you will soon begin to date etc are not mere words. They are Spirit and they are life.
[I never guessed you might be a little bit rude sometimes, Victor. None of your interaction with me has suggested any kind of problematic attitudes or unpleasant behavior in the least! Especially this business about your knowledge of my future, which you are weaponizing to try to invalidate my choices and orientation. But we'll just ignore that because you know everything else about your communication with me was so respectful and full of valuable, authentic interaction that I would never want to lose over a little teeny bit of complete invalidation, projection, condescension, and sexist bullshit.]
As mentioned, I did not reply to this, and just left it unanswered in my box. And . . . wonder of wonders . . . HE DECIDED TO FOLLOW UP. Yes, he wrote me again after my silence just ate his guts too much! Here's what he sent:
Hey Julie, how u doin? You dint write. That's not fair. I fear that pissed you off as usual. I really miss you.
WTF? And now he's switched from calling me Sondra?
IT'S NOT FAIR OH GOD. NOT FAIR THAT I DIDN'T WRITE HIM. HOW COULD I. I'M SO MEAN. MUST BE ALL THAT SELF-IMPOSED ARMOR I WEAR PREVENTING ME FROM GETTING TO THE KEYBOARD TO CORRESPOND WITH THE ONE MAN WHO EVER SHOWED ME LOVE I COULD GET BEHIND.
I wonder, in all his "missing me," how much he has cried himself to sleep?
My reply:
Leave me alone. I'm sorry you're so desperate but I already told you you're repugnant.
Don't write to me. I am not being unclear.
I almost didn't reply to that one but I decided it would be fun to send him a really, really clear fuck off message. Sometimes people stop harassing you after a while if you don't acknowledge them, so I was trying to go that route with this guy, but sometimes it's just too easy. For the record, no, persistence is not attractive to me. Refusal to listen to what I have said in 100% clear language does not make me more inclined to change my mind or let you have your say. It makes me more and more sure that I made the right choice in avoiding you. There isn't anything people like this CAN do to make me change my mind, because their persistence in trying to do so DEMONSTRATES an innate lack of respect for my wishes. Too late, buddy. You chose this approach--I didn't make you do it--and you also chose to repeat it. No sense playing the slobbering apologetic "I miss you" violin. I don't want a person who chose to behave this way repeatedly in my life, no matter what they say or do next.
You can't change that, Victor, no matter how many times you tell yourself I'm lonely and yearning for you. Your fantasies do not match reality and there's nothing you can do about it. So get the fuck out of my e-mail box.
[ Yes, stunningly, there was a Part 3!]
The beginning of the story is here. The short version of that story is that a fellow named Victor e-mailed me to propose marriage while accusing me of desperately seeking attention through my asexuality awareness efforts, and he offered his fantastic catch of a self as a solution to my supposed problems. Furthermore, I'm the PERFECT mate for him because once he has converted me to wanting him romantically and sexually, I will still never want other people that way, and am therefore a safe choice for him since I will never stray.
I chewed him out as per usual, and received some of the most appallingly oblivious rambles I've ever seen in response--this man insisted that I may not believe him now, but that I WILL be dating soon, and that I should remember him WHEN it happens so I can come crawling to him with my apology and declaration of love. He asserted that he is the Chosen One, and that NO woman has EVER seen him and not felt something (despite that he is 35 and single and asking girls on Facebook to marry him). I cleaned his clock pretty good, made it very clear that he's just one of many who have claimed he alone can change me, and told him I find him and his claims to be a joke. That was where I left it.
He is back.
I did not answer this message, because it's just more drivel and pointlessness, so I am inserting my comments for your entertainment.
Dearest Sondra, sorry i spelled your name wrong. I think spellcheck did that and i believe you'll now better understand.
[Erm, that's still not my correct name. But yeah, I gotcha, it's spellcheck's fault that you can't look at an e-mail header and get my name right.]
I read your analysis of the current situation and couldn believe you could reach such a rather nonchalant and inconsiderate conclusion about an individual you have never even met. Its obvious that you like to consider yourself a unique, highly evolved human being who does not care what the rest of the world think. Is it very unlikely you are overdoing it even a little bit.
[The irony of a man who claims he is Different From All the Others telling ME I just want to be unique has not escaped me. Neither has the irony of HIM saying to ME that I'm making sweeping judgments of his character even though I've never met him.]
Being different from most people on earth cannot be all that much fun and it surely cannot generate satisfaction and especially personal fulfillment for very obvious reasons (to some of us at least).
[Tell me more, Chosen One. I guess you would know all about the burden of the different. Also tell me all about how my feelings aren't actually what I say they are, because everything I do is about wanting to be unique, not about any of the words I'm actually saying.]
Warding off every concerned individual (intruders to you) may very often grant you some feeling of importance and much relevance (which is so ok with me) but it usually ends shortly after you begin to think about your entire life because you know you have a problem and will very often cry yourself to sleep on countless number of days and especially nights even though you never tell people about that part of your seemingly joyful and independent existence.
[This is my favorite part! Aw, poor Victor. Look at how he desperately scrabbles to project loneliness and sadness onto me, then claims we both know how well he's got me pegged! Yes, yes, wise Victor, you truly grasp how deep inside I KNOW I actually have a problem, and you are so insightful and surprisingly knowledgeable about all the crying I do when I'm alone! If only I occasionally got the attention of a good man, I could drop this whole ruse, but alas, no one but you has ever, ever volunteered for this unenviable position of converting me, and I am far too set in my ways to admit that deep down I Just Want to Be Loved. Don't worry, Victor; I'm sure your wiseness has also alerted you to the fact that one day, one day soon, I will come to terms with the echoing sadness of my life and realize it was kindness, not a raging case of unwarranted self-importance, that has caused you to bestow upon me your selfless offer of marrying me and converting me. After which I still will not want other men though, of course.]
I am one of the few people in this galaxy who can totally reverse what you are going through and by that i mean every word. The best part is that you do not need to pay a dime to anyone or attend even one lecture. That is what i offer you.
[Look at this Special Little Man! He can wave his wand (whatever that wand might actually be) and change me, save me, and rescue me from my own choices that have clearly brought me such despair, and I don't even have to pay him! WHAT A GUY!]
About my being good at handling women etc., i'm actually not all that good.
[Well I never would have guessed that, dear Victor. But "no woman has ever seen me and dint feel something and that's from experience. I'm 6ft 2 and very handsome." Got it.]
I just was thinking a little differently from you at the time which i believe should not be a huge crime.
[Definitely. I'm so evil for treating him like he's committed a CRIME here. I'm totally having him arrested for thinking differently. As we all know, I totally don't tolerate anyone who thinks differently from the norm.]
Anyway, i dint know that you still held those offenses against me but its ok cos your current stance is quite rigid due to what i perceive as your response to yet another attack. I understand that you do need to store some weapons to use to drive away such intruders such as my humble self especially since you see the situation the way you do.
[And he continues to dazzle the crowd with his amazing psychological analysis. Me telling him to fuck off has nothing to do with how I'm not interested and he's a joke. It's just my hysterical self-preservation attempt, because as we all know, a woman who rejects a man is just building up her armor and proving that she's been hurt, and isn't Open to Love. (In the form of a man who is kindly willing to tell her what she thinks and feels, and has secret knowledge of her crying-herself-to-sleep habit, of course!)]
About wanting you so much that's not how i would put it. I do want you but because things have turned out the way they have, i'll keep all that to myself till i think you're ready, if ever.
[Look at you, willing to wait. How noble. I love when men patiently wait for me to suddenly not be asexual. Total turn-on. You'd just better hope you don't grow any mold on you in the meantime, because before I can accept your love I've obviously got a lot of psychological trauma and blocks to work through here, bro.]
Remember that i said in an earlier that why i want you is not just to have access to your body (your goodies), there is at least one other very important reason (to me) that makes you so much more attractive than most other women.
[I don't know why you think this is so important, Victor, or why you seem to think I don't understand your position, but yes, it's very very clear to me that you believe I could be made to love and desire you and somehow that would not flip the same switch for any other person on this Earth, thus assuring you that I would be true to you. And that's totally supposed to be flattering to me--that there is a reason besides sex that you want me. Truly a compliment to know you ALSO want me because you think I wouldn't fuck around on you. Thank you so much.]
I'm aware that you need to show the outside world some strength and zeal to make your current situation work out and even appear admirable so as to encourage others of your kind that life can be beautiful especially since there are no other options on the table. I am not unaware that deep down inside (you may even admit it once in a long while) you would like to be like every other woman out there..
[No, no, wait, THIS is my favorite! Yes, this is all about my Image. My strong Asexual Image. How could I continue to lead this sexless army if I myself succumbed to his charms? My life would be ruined! This thing that I just NEED to believe in to give my life meaning, though obviously it is hollow and I know it, and fulfillment in his arms and in his bed is what we both MUST admit we know I need. He is "not unaware" of what is deep inside me, and one day I will admit that I want to be like all the other women. I just need that belonging. Please, please, Victor, tell me more of this secret longing you sense inside me. This need to be the same as all the others. The need you know is there, while you preach about your own uniqueness among all men on this planet.]
I do not think too highly of myself and will also admit to being subject to the usual human weaknesses.
[I'm afraid that's a filthy lie, Victor. Because these are among your quotes: "no woman has ever seen me and dint feel something and that's from experience. I'm 6ft 2 and very handsome" -- "everyone who knows me knows that i'm a great guy and that is putting it mildly" -- "your encounter with me today will surely change your life" -- "I am the chosen one, what i say does eventually come to pass. You will begin to date soon and that is final!" Yeah, that really sounds a lot like you don't think highly of yourself and that you believe yourself subject to human weaknesses. Sounds a lot more like you think you're the fucking second coming and you are in denial about the fact that you are just another turd of a man begging for ladies' attention.]
By this i mean that my behavior towards people and also strangers is likely not going to always be impeccable.
You have character and i like that but those words i have spoken to you about how you will soon begin to date etc are not mere words. They are Spirit and they are life.
[I never guessed you might be a little bit rude sometimes, Victor. None of your interaction with me has suggested any kind of problematic attitudes or unpleasant behavior in the least! Especially this business about your knowledge of my future, which you are weaponizing to try to invalidate my choices and orientation. But we'll just ignore that because you know everything else about your communication with me was so respectful and full of valuable, authentic interaction that I would never want to lose over a little teeny bit of complete invalidation, projection, condescension, and sexist bullshit.]
As mentioned, I did not reply to this, and just left it unanswered in my box. And . . . wonder of wonders . . . HE DECIDED TO FOLLOW UP. Yes, he wrote me again after my silence just ate his guts too much! Here's what he sent:
Hey Julie, how u doin? You dint write. That's not fair. I fear that pissed you off as usual. I really miss you.
WTF? And now he's switched from calling me Sondra?
IT'S NOT FAIR OH GOD. NOT FAIR THAT I DIDN'T WRITE HIM. HOW COULD I. I'M SO MEAN. MUST BE ALL THAT SELF-IMPOSED ARMOR I WEAR PREVENTING ME FROM GETTING TO THE KEYBOARD TO CORRESPOND WITH THE ONE MAN WHO EVER SHOWED ME LOVE I COULD GET BEHIND.
I wonder, in all his "missing me," how much he has cried himself to sleep?
My reply:
Leave me alone. I'm sorry you're so desperate but I already told you you're repugnant.
Don't write to me. I am not being unclear.
I almost didn't reply to that one but I decided it would be fun to send him a really, really clear fuck off message. Sometimes people stop harassing you after a while if you don't acknowledge them, so I was trying to go that route with this guy, but sometimes it's just too easy. For the record, no, persistence is not attractive to me. Refusal to listen to what I have said in 100% clear language does not make me more inclined to change my mind or let you have your say. It makes me more and more sure that I made the right choice in avoiding you. There isn't anything people like this CAN do to make me change my mind, because their persistence in trying to do so DEMONSTRATES an innate lack of respect for my wishes. Too late, buddy. You chose this approach--I didn't make you do it--and you also chose to repeat it. No sense playing the slobbering apologetic "I miss you" violin. I don't want a person who chose to behave this way repeatedly in my life, no matter what they say or do next.
You can't change that, Victor, no matter how many times you tell yourself I'm lonely and yearning for you. Your fantasies do not match reality and there's nothing you can do about it. So get the fuck out of my e-mail box.
[ Yes, stunningly, there was a Part 3!]