BALTHIER Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual [Balthier, etc.]
Canon Status: No.
Genre: Humor.
Rating: PG-13.
Characters: Balthier, cast.
Pairing: Implied, various.
Warnings: Pure silliness.
Notes: Inspired by the Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual series started in LotR fandom by Theresa Green (who seems, sadly, to have taken her fic and left ff.net). No fourth walls were harmed in the making of this fic. Fic contains spoilers for FFXII, possibly spoilers for Revenant Wings.
Summary: Congratulations! You are now the proud owner of a BALTHIER, a PC model from the Twelfth Series by Final Fantasy ™ Productions. To get the fullest use out of your new unit, consult the manual below.
******CONGRATULATIONS!*****
You are now the proud owner of a BALTHIER, a model from Series Twelve by Final Fantasy ™ Productions. To get the most out of your dashing sky pirate, please read and follow the instructions below.
TECHNICAL SPECIFICATIONS
Name: Balthier (also responds to Ffamran Mid Bunansa, #%^(*, Wanted--Dead or Alive, though response may not be as desired).
Type: Hume (male).
Manufacturer: Bunansa & Bunansa, LLC.
Place Manufactured: Archades.
Date Manufactured: 684 Old Valendian.
Height: Middling.
Weight: More than one might expect.
Length: Guaranteed satisfactory.
ACCESSORIES
Your BALTHIER unit comes equipped with the following items:
a) one set clothing, suitable for a sky pirate, including:
i) white shirt, trimmed, full sleeves;
ii) leather vest, ornate;
iii) trousers, black;
iv) shoes, pointed, silly-looking;
v) belt, double, black;
vi) holsters, two, black;
vii) purchasers are invited to ascertain for themselves the presence or absence of undergarments;
b) one set rings in multiple colors;
c) one set bracelets, ditto;
d) earrings, silver, various;
e) one pistol, Altair type;
f) one helm, Headgear type;
g) one pouch of ammunition, standard type;
h) one suit of armor, Chromed Leathers type;
i) one extensive collection of trashy Archadian novels.
In addition, if purchased with a FRAN unit in the Sky Pirate Two-Pack, BALTHIER also comes with a TANDEM HOVERBIKE (no warranty). STRAHL™ airship purchased separately (it is advisable that you do so, or BALTHIER will acquire one on his own, often leading to legal trouble with the previous owner).
Further equipment available from the GameGear™ Catalog (see Modes, Settings, and Programs below).
INSTALLATION
Unlike many units, which prefer to be opened in a dark, enclosed space, a BALTHIER unit does not cope well with imprisonment and is unlikely to be comforted by finding himself in a small, dark room. Instead, bring the crate to a room with large windows and unpack your BALTHIER in such a way that he can see the sky when he wakes up. (Note: all BALTHIER units are shipped unconscious in order to reduce stress to the unit.) This will reassure BALTHIER that he is among friends.
In the initial adjustment phase, do not attempt to restrict BALTHIER's movements. It is very important that he come to see your home as a home rather than a prison. It is recommended that you go places with your BALTHIER whenever possible, lest he become distracted (or, more likely, abducted by fangirls). He will come to view you as a companion and be reasonably loyal.
MODES, SETTINGS, AND PROGRAMS
BALTHIER listens to vocal commands in English, Japanese, and most Ivalician tongues. Whether he obeys them is another matter.
Like all Final Fantasy models, BALTHIER comes prepared with two settings: Cutscene and Gameplay.
Cutscene is the default setting and supports Nonviolent Interaction® programs in addition to Battle® programs. Under this setting, BALTHIER will be able to access a varied repertoire of skills and conversational topics. It is recommended that BALTHIER remain in this setting unless specifically desired, as he is much more interesting this way.
Gameplay is useful chiefly for teaching your BALTHIER new skills and increasing his power output; though it can also be lucrative, BALTHIER on Cutscene setting is capable of more unusual and effective means of earning money. In addition, on the Gameplay setting BALTHIER can purchase new items via the GameGear™ Catalog, which is only available on this setting. Be warned: while in Gameplay, BALTHIER's conversation is reduced to occasional stock phrases and his actions are highly limited. To activate or deactivate the Gameplay setting, rotate the ring on the middle finger of his left hand 180 degrees. To get the most out of the Gameplay setting, refer to any strategy guide.
BALTHIER also has an assortment of performance modes (like most of BALTHIER's traits, these are only noticeable when in the Cutscene setting).
*Sarcastic (Default)
*Heroic
*Flirtatious
*Smut (locked)
*Angsty (locked)
In the default mode, *Sarcastic, BALTHIER interacts with users and other units in a faintly antagonistic fashion. He will profess himself to be motivated entirely by profit, demand rewards for any task, and generally play the world-weary pirate to the hilt. Do not be fooled, however: BALTHIER will switch to *Heroic mode when danger threatens, though he will seldom admit that this has occurred. This can be difficult to notice, since even in *Heroic mode BALTHIER will continue to snark at anyone within range. While it is possible to lock BALTHIER into either *Sarcastic or *Heroic mode exclusively, most users find that their purchase needs are best met by allowing BALTHIER to alternate between them at will.
*Flirtatious mode activates when BALTHIER is interacting with a reasonably receptive unit or user. Activation parameters can be adjusted using the Sexuality dials. Factory default is Bisexual/Uncommitted, the median settings, but both settings can be changed to fit user preference. If the other unit(s) or user(s) express interest and the Loyalty dial (the inner of the Sexuality dials) is set appropriately, *Smut mode can be manually activated (if you require instruction as to how this should be done, you are too young to do it). Note that even when the Loyalty dial is set on 'Complete Fidelity', BALTHIER will still flirt with anyone the Target dial permits; the Loyalty setting merely prevents things from going any farther. Note also that not even the 'Complete Slut' setting will cause BALTHIER to disregard a potential partner's consent or lack thereof. The mode is *Smut, not *Evil.
If you wish your BALTHIER to interact with other units in *Smut mode, make sure that those units are adjusted to suitable settings. Otherwise, violence and damage to one or both units may ensue. Manufacturers are not responsible for any relationship issues that may arise from use of a BALTHIER unit in this mode.
For aficionados of the other models from Final Fantasy Productions, BALTHIER's *Angsty mode may well seem undetectably mild, particularly for those accustomed to the CLOUD or SQUALL models. Rest assured, your unit is not broken: BALTHIER units are designed to be emotionally low-maintenance and simply have less extensive angst. *Angsty mode is triggered chiefly by exposure to, or even mention of, DOCTOR CID units. Symptoms include uncharacteristic seriousness and talking bitterly about the past. Fortunately, time and exposure to friendly units quickly bring BALTHIER out of *Angsty mode. It is not advised to attempt to keep BALTHIER in *Angsty mode, as damage (particularly to any DOCTOR CID units brought in for the purpose) may ensue.
BALTHIER comes with the following software bundles installed: Dashing Sky Pirate, Incorrigible Flirt, Thrilling Heroics, Sarcasm v3.0, Marksmanship, Runaway, Dramatization v2.0 and Gameplay v.12.0.
FUNCTIONS
Undoubtedly you already have plenty of ideas for activities you and your BALTHIER unit can do together. However, in addition there are many other uses for a BALTHIER around the home that will truly enable you to get the most out of your unit. Bear in mind, however, that if he doesn't get anything out of it, BALTHIER is likely to refuse your request. A cut of the proceeds is usually sufficient to motivate him.
Thief: As a skilled sky pirate, BALTHIER is experienced in breaking and entering of all kinds, from cellars to palaces. If he agrees to take you along, you can look forward to fun and full pockets--unless of course you get caught, in which case you will be looking for his services as an...
Escape Artist: BALTHIER can skillfully escape from any prison or confinement, particularly if aided by a FRAN unit. Always useful for the aftermath of your piratical excursions, or if you just lost the key to the fuzzy handcuffs.
Kidnapper-for-Hire: Know someone who needs to get away from home for a while? BALTHIER can be hired to perform kidnappings (at the victim's request) for a comparatively low price and low risk (risk of encountering the plot not included).
Pilot: Give BALTHIER five minutes to acquaint himself with the controls, and he can fly anything you let him into the cockpit of (pilot's license not included). Great for starting your own airline or just casual tourism.
Mechanic: He may let other people work on his own ship, but if you need someone to keep a collapsing battle station from crushing a city, BALTHIER is the one to ask.
Spy: BALTHIER has numerous friends and connections at all levels of society and isn't shy of using them. Want to know what your neighbors are doing that causes those strange flashing lights? Looking for a missing person? Wondering when would be a good time to break in to that top-secret laboratory? BALTHIER knows, and if he doesn't, he knows who does.
Bounty Hunter: Ideally accompanied by FRAN, VAAN, PENELO, ASHE, and BASCH units, BALTHIER shows willingness to go forth and slaughter dangerous beasts for a reward. Warning: this activity may result in damage to the unit, particularly if he is sent out alone.
Escort: Between his dashing good looks, charming manner, and numerous skills, BALTHIER is sure to be popular for any number of activities on an hourly basis. But be warned: BALTHIER units have been abducted by fangirls when left unsupervised.
COMPATIBILITY
BALTHIER is compatible with most other Twelfth Series PC models of the Final Fantasy™ line to one degree or another, as well as many NPC models. Notably, however, he should not be allowed to interact unsupervised with any of the ANTAGONIST line, as damage to one or both units may result.
BALTHIER and FRAN are partners (what this means depends on the Sexuality settings on individual units), and will get along well under all circumstances. It is recommended to purchase a FRAN unit with the BALTHIER, in fact, or else BALTHIER may go looking for her. Since FRAN is fairly easygoing, having her in the house is seldom a problem. FRAN will accompany BALTHIER on most adventures and keep an eye on him--always a bonus, considering BALTHIER's tendency to get into trouble.
NONO units are rare, but if you have one, he and your BALTHIER will get along wonderfully, with NONO repairing the STRAHL™ (that you now have, even if you did not have one before...but someone in town did) and generally keeping things shipshape.
VAAN initially annoys BALTHIER, but over time BALTHIER will come to regard VAAN as a protege, though he will not admit this. Be warned, however, that the presence of a VAAN unit increases the amount of trouble a BALTHIER unit is likely to encounter.
Relations with ASHE units tend to be particularly rocky, as BALTHIER's *Sarcastic default mode tends to clash with ASHE's initial *Haughty default. Given time, however, a closer relationship can develop and the presence of BALTHIER has been known to be therapeutic for ASHE in the process of converting from *Vengeful mode to *Royal mode.
BALTHIER is extremely incompatible with any and all units from the BA'GAMNAN AND CO. series. Do not allow them to interact; your supervision will not suffice to prevent severe damage to all involved units.
BALTHIER is also incompatible with DOCTOR CID units, particularly when the DOCTOR CID is set in *Mad Scientist mode. Interactions may lead to fatal damage to DOCTOR CID and to BALTHIER entering *Angsty mode for a time. However, brief, supervised interactions may be possible if you have a strong enough rapport with both units and no other units (especially VENAT units) are present.
CARE
Do not worry about what to feed your BALTHIER: he will eat whatever you do, in about the same quantity. You should not, however, buy him alcoholic beverages, as he is likely to drink far too much if you do. Make him buy his own and the problem will resolve itself.
BALTHIER requires a standard human rest period of roughly eight hours a night, ideally in a bed. It is your choice whether you wish him to share your bed or have a guest bed.
In general, BALTHIER is capable of washing himself, which he will do regularly. However, there is surely no harm in giving him a hand with those hard-to-reach places.
(Note: The manufacturers are not responsible for any relationship problems that may occur due to the ownership or care of a BALTHIER unit.)
BALTHIER is one of the most popular Twelfth Series models; as such, it is considered advisable not to allow him out unaccompanied (one of the best reasons to purchase a FRAN is that she will protect BALTHIER from fangirls quite effectively). If your BALTHIER goes missing, either borrow or rent another unit to find him (a BA'GAMNAN will be quite good at this, provided you tranquilize him before they come to blows).
FAQ
Q: Is there any way I can reprogram my BALTHIER temporarily to be law-abiding? The police are starting to get suspicious.
A: No; BALTHIER is not reprogrammable (blame the Fanon Virus and the ensuing Great Characterization Crash of '06 for the software locks now installed on all models). Consider a long vacation somewhere far away that has no extradition treaty with your native country.
Q: Can I breed my BALTHIER?
A: BALTHIER tends to resist attempts at breeding, for reasons including a highly dangerous lifestyle (shared by most models with which they are readily matched), fears that *Mad Scientist traits may be genetic, his comparative youth, and his unwillingness to commit (particularly if the Loyalty dial is still at the factory setting). That said, you can certainly have a lot of fun trying (users and units are not, however, inter-fertile).
Q: What's the point of the Gameplay setting? Other lines have only one setting!
A: Final Fantasy™ Productions provides the additional setting to allow you and your BALTHIER to interact in a variety of ways and customize your personal experience. If you want a unit with a constant skill level, get an ELF from Tolkien Productions or something.
Q: What's the difference between *Sarcastic and *Heroic settings? I can't get my BALTHIER to shut up, even to be heroic.
A: BALTHIER's Sarcasm v3.0 programming continues to run in (almost) all modes. In *Heroic mode, however, he is likely to refer to himself as the 'leading man' and do particularly reckless things. If his sarcasm bothers you...have you considered purchasing a BASCH unit instead?
TROUBLESHOOTING
Problem: I got a FRAN unit to keep my BALTHIER out of trouble while I'm at work, but now he's locked in *Smut mode half the time with her and not me! That's not what I got him for!
Solution: While both units are sleeping, readjust their Sexuality dials until your FRAN is no longer interested in BALTHIER. The problem should solve itself.
Problem: My BALTHIER has been listless recently, no matter what I did to distract him. I saw him looking at travel brochures and looking out the window whenever a plane passed over. Today I woke up and he was nowhere in the apartment. What did I do wrong?
Solution: BALTHIER tends not to do well with staying in one place for a long time, particularly a cramped space like an apartment. Don't worry; it sounds like he just went traveling. You should hear from him (or his arresting officer) soon enough.
Problem: I think there's something wrong with my BALTHIER. He's been in *Angsty mode since I unpacked him, and he's wearing a full suit of armor. I can't even see his face!
Solution: It sounds like you've been issued an ultra-rare JUDGE BUNANSA unit. If you prefer a twenty-two-year-old snarky sky pirate to a sixteen-year-old confused and bitter Judge (a perfectly reasonable preference), you can either return him for a regular BALTHIER, or sell him for a large sum, as he is a collector's item.
Problem: BALTHIER keeps saying 'magick' instead of magic, 'technick' instead of 'technic' or 'technique', and even 'electrick' instead of 'electric'.
Solution: Yes. This is a quirk of Twelfth Series models and nothing to worry about.
Problem: I'm pretty sure the BALTHIER I ordered was younger than the one that arrived, and didn't wear glasses. Also, he's talking to thin air all the time.
Solution: You've accidentally received the DOCTOR CID and VENAT two-pack. Get them back in the box, possibly by claiming that there's nethicite inside, and return them for a BALTHIER (if, that is, you don't feel like mad science today). VENAT, by the way, is surprisingly easy to get back in the box, for an invisible god: she (or possibly he) will want to go with DOCTOR CID and not require any special handling.
Problem: I think my BALTHIER is dead! He vanished in a giant explosion and I haven't seen him since!
Solution: The leading man never dies. Calm down and keep an eye on the STRAHL™ (or have a PENELO unit do so for you). When it vanishes, as it should do within two years, you will be able to contact your BALTHIER again. If you had a particularly strong rapport, he may come back to you; otherwise, go find him (and any other units he may have taken with him). VAAN units are particularly helpful for this.
GUARANTEE
While BALTHIER units are mortal and thus do not share the 189,985.304-month warranties of immortal models such as VIERA, if you treat your BALTHIER well and cope with his wanderlust, he should continue to be a vibrant and energetic member of your household for fifty years or more, so you should put serious thought into who will get him in your will, in the event that he outlives you.
Genre: Humor.
Rating: PG-13.
Characters: Balthier, cast.
Pairing: Implied, various.
Warnings: Pure silliness.
Notes: Inspired by the Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual series started in LotR fandom by Theresa Green (who seems, sadly, to have taken her fic and left ff.net). No fourth walls were harmed in the making of this fic. Fic contains spoilers for FFXII, possibly spoilers for Revenant Wings.
Summary: Congratulations! You are now the proud owner of a BALTHIER, a PC model from the Twelfth Series by Final Fantasy ™ Productions. To get the fullest use out of your new unit, consult the manual below.
******CONGRATULATIONS!*****
You are now the proud owner of a BALTHIER, a model from Series Twelve by Final Fantasy ™ Productions. To get the most out of your dashing sky pirate, please read and follow the instructions below.
TECHNICAL SPECIFICATIONS
Name: Balthier (also responds to Ffamran Mid Bunansa, #%^(*, Wanted--Dead or Alive, though response may not be as desired).
Type: Hume (male).
Manufacturer: Bunansa & Bunansa, LLC.
Place Manufactured: Archades.
Date Manufactured: 684 Old Valendian.
Height: Middling.
Weight: More than one might expect.
Length: Guaranteed satisfactory.
ACCESSORIES
Your BALTHIER unit comes equipped with the following items:
a) one set clothing, suitable for a sky pirate, including:
i) white shirt, trimmed, full sleeves;
ii) leather vest, ornate;
iii) trousers, black;
iv) shoes, pointed, silly-looking;
v) belt, double, black;
vi) holsters, two, black;
vii) purchasers are invited to ascertain for themselves the presence or absence of undergarments;
b) one set rings in multiple colors;
c) one set bracelets, ditto;
d) earrings, silver, various;
e) one pistol, Altair type;
f) one helm, Headgear type;
g) one pouch of ammunition, standard type;
h) one suit of armor, Chromed Leathers type;
i) one extensive collection of trashy Archadian novels.
In addition, if purchased with a FRAN unit in the Sky Pirate Two-Pack, BALTHIER also comes with a TANDEM HOVERBIKE (no warranty). STRAHL™ airship purchased separately (it is advisable that you do so, or BALTHIER will acquire one on his own, often leading to legal trouble with the previous owner).
Further equipment available from the GameGear™ Catalog (see Modes, Settings, and Programs below).
INSTALLATION
Unlike many units, which prefer to be opened in a dark, enclosed space, a BALTHIER unit does not cope well with imprisonment and is unlikely to be comforted by finding himself in a small, dark room. Instead, bring the crate to a room with large windows and unpack your BALTHIER in such a way that he can see the sky when he wakes up. (Note: all BALTHIER units are shipped unconscious in order to reduce stress to the unit.) This will reassure BALTHIER that he is among friends.
In the initial adjustment phase, do not attempt to restrict BALTHIER's movements. It is very important that he come to see your home as a home rather than a prison. It is recommended that you go places with your BALTHIER whenever possible, lest he become distracted (or, more likely, abducted by fangirls). He will come to view you as a companion and be reasonably loyal.
MODES, SETTINGS, AND PROGRAMS
BALTHIER listens to vocal commands in English, Japanese, and most Ivalician tongues. Whether he obeys them is another matter.
Like all Final Fantasy models, BALTHIER comes prepared with two settings: Cutscene and Gameplay.
Cutscene is the default setting and supports Nonviolent Interaction® programs in addition to Battle® programs. Under this setting, BALTHIER will be able to access a varied repertoire of skills and conversational topics. It is recommended that BALTHIER remain in this setting unless specifically desired, as he is much more interesting this way.
Gameplay is useful chiefly for teaching your BALTHIER new skills and increasing his power output; though it can also be lucrative, BALTHIER on Cutscene setting is capable of more unusual and effective means of earning money. In addition, on the Gameplay setting BALTHIER can purchase new items via the GameGear™ Catalog, which is only available on this setting. Be warned: while in Gameplay, BALTHIER's conversation is reduced to occasional stock phrases and his actions are highly limited. To activate or deactivate the Gameplay setting, rotate the ring on the middle finger of his left hand 180 degrees. To get the most out of the Gameplay setting, refer to any strategy guide.
BALTHIER also has an assortment of performance modes (like most of BALTHIER's traits, these are only noticeable when in the Cutscene setting).
*Sarcastic (Default)
*Heroic
*Flirtatious
*Smut (locked)
*Angsty (locked)
In the default mode, *Sarcastic, BALTHIER interacts with users and other units in a faintly antagonistic fashion. He will profess himself to be motivated entirely by profit, demand rewards for any task, and generally play the world-weary pirate to the hilt. Do not be fooled, however: BALTHIER will switch to *Heroic mode when danger threatens, though he will seldom admit that this has occurred. This can be difficult to notice, since even in *Heroic mode BALTHIER will continue to snark at anyone within range. While it is possible to lock BALTHIER into either *Sarcastic or *Heroic mode exclusively, most users find that their purchase needs are best met by allowing BALTHIER to alternate between them at will.
*Flirtatious mode activates when BALTHIER is interacting with a reasonably receptive unit or user. Activation parameters can be adjusted using the Sexuality dials. Factory default is Bisexual/Uncommitted, the median settings, but both settings can be changed to fit user preference. If the other unit(s) or user(s) express interest and the Loyalty dial (the inner of the Sexuality dials) is set appropriately, *Smut mode can be manually activated (if you require instruction as to how this should be done, you are too young to do it). Note that even when the Loyalty dial is set on 'Complete Fidelity', BALTHIER will still flirt with anyone the Target dial permits; the Loyalty setting merely prevents things from going any farther. Note also that not even the 'Complete Slut' setting will cause BALTHIER to disregard a potential partner's consent or lack thereof. The mode is *Smut, not *Evil.
If you wish your BALTHIER to interact with other units in *Smut mode, make sure that those units are adjusted to suitable settings. Otherwise, violence and damage to one or both units may ensue. Manufacturers are not responsible for any relationship issues that may arise from use of a BALTHIER unit in this mode.
For aficionados of the other models from Final Fantasy Productions, BALTHIER's *Angsty mode may well seem undetectably mild, particularly for those accustomed to the CLOUD or SQUALL models. Rest assured, your unit is not broken: BALTHIER units are designed to be emotionally low-maintenance and simply have less extensive angst. *Angsty mode is triggered chiefly by exposure to, or even mention of, DOCTOR CID units. Symptoms include uncharacteristic seriousness and talking bitterly about the past. Fortunately, time and exposure to friendly units quickly bring BALTHIER out of *Angsty mode. It is not advised to attempt to keep BALTHIER in *Angsty mode, as damage (particularly to any DOCTOR CID units brought in for the purpose) may ensue.
BALTHIER comes with the following software bundles installed: Dashing Sky Pirate, Incorrigible Flirt, Thrilling Heroics, Sarcasm v3.0, Marksmanship, Runaway, Dramatization v2.0 and Gameplay v.12.0.
FUNCTIONS
Undoubtedly you already have plenty of ideas for activities you and your BALTHIER unit can do together. However, in addition there are many other uses for a BALTHIER around the home that will truly enable you to get the most out of your unit. Bear in mind, however, that if he doesn't get anything out of it, BALTHIER is likely to refuse your request. A cut of the proceeds is usually sufficient to motivate him.
Thief: As a skilled sky pirate, BALTHIER is experienced in breaking and entering of all kinds, from cellars to palaces. If he agrees to take you along, you can look forward to fun and full pockets--unless of course you get caught, in which case you will be looking for his services as an...
Escape Artist: BALTHIER can skillfully escape from any prison or confinement, particularly if aided by a FRAN unit. Always useful for the aftermath of your piratical excursions, or if you just lost the key to the fuzzy handcuffs.
Kidnapper-for-Hire: Know someone who needs to get away from home for a while? BALTHIER can be hired to perform kidnappings (at the victim's request) for a comparatively low price and low risk (risk of encountering the plot not included).
Pilot: Give BALTHIER five minutes to acquaint himself with the controls, and he can fly anything you let him into the cockpit of (pilot's license not included). Great for starting your own airline or just casual tourism.
Mechanic: He may let other people work on his own ship, but if you need someone to keep a collapsing battle station from crushing a city, BALTHIER is the one to ask.
Spy: BALTHIER has numerous friends and connections at all levels of society and isn't shy of using them. Want to know what your neighbors are doing that causes those strange flashing lights? Looking for a missing person? Wondering when would be a good time to break in to that top-secret laboratory? BALTHIER knows, and if he doesn't, he knows who does.
Bounty Hunter: Ideally accompanied by FRAN, VAAN, PENELO, ASHE, and BASCH units, BALTHIER shows willingness to go forth and slaughter dangerous beasts for a reward. Warning: this activity may result in damage to the unit, particularly if he is sent out alone.
Escort: Between his dashing good looks, charming manner, and numerous skills, BALTHIER is sure to be popular for any number of activities on an hourly basis. But be warned: BALTHIER units have been abducted by fangirls when left unsupervised.
COMPATIBILITY
BALTHIER is compatible with most other Twelfth Series PC models of the Final Fantasy™ line to one degree or another, as well as many NPC models. Notably, however, he should not be allowed to interact unsupervised with any of the ANTAGONIST line, as damage to one or both units may result.
BALTHIER and FRAN are partners (what this means depends on the Sexuality settings on individual units), and will get along well under all circumstances. It is recommended to purchase a FRAN unit with the BALTHIER, in fact, or else BALTHIER may go looking for her. Since FRAN is fairly easygoing, having her in the house is seldom a problem. FRAN will accompany BALTHIER on most adventures and keep an eye on him--always a bonus, considering BALTHIER's tendency to get into trouble.
NONO units are rare, but if you have one, he and your BALTHIER will get along wonderfully, with NONO repairing the STRAHL™ (that you now have, even if you did not have one before...but someone in town did) and generally keeping things shipshape.
VAAN initially annoys BALTHIER, but over time BALTHIER will come to regard VAAN as a protege, though he will not admit this. Be warned, however, that the presence of a VAAN unit increases the amount of trouble a BALTHIER unit is likely to encounter.
Relations with ASHE units tend to be particularly rocky, as BALTHIER's *Sarcastic default mode tends to clash with ASHE's initial *Haughty default. Given time, however, a closer relationship can develop and the presence of BALTHIER has been known to be therapeutic for ASHE in the process of converting from *Vengeful mode to *Royal mode.
BALTHIER is extremely incompatible with any and all units from the BA'GAMNAN AND CO. series. Do not allow them to interact; your supervision will not suffice to prevent severe damage to all involved units.
BALTHIER is also incompatible with DOCTOR CID units, particularly when the DOCTOR CID is set in *Mad Scientist mode. Interactions may lead to fatal damage to DOCTOR CID and to BALTHIER entering *Angsty mode for a time. However, brief, supervised interactions may be possible if you have a strong enough rapport with both units and no other units (especially VENAT units) are present.
CARE
Do not worry about what to feed your BALTHIER: he will eat whatever you do, in about the same quantity. You should not, however, buy him alcoholic beverages, as he is likely to drink far too much if you do. Make him buy his own and the problem will resolve itself.
BALTHIER requires a standard human rest period of roughly eight hours a night, ideally in a bed. It is your choice whether you wish him to share your bed or have a guest bed.
In general, BALTHIER is capable of washing himself, which he will do regularly. However, there is surely no harm in giving him a hand with those hard-to-reach places.
(Note: The manufacturers are not responsible for any relationship problems that may occur due to the ownership or care of a BALTHIER unit.)
BALTHIER is one of the most popular Twelfth Series models; as such, it is considered advisable not to allow him out unaccompanied (one of the best reasons to purchase a FRAN is that she will protect BALTHIER from fangirls quite effectively). If your BALTHIER goes missing, either borrow or rent another unit to find him (a BA'GAMNAN will be quite good at this, provided you tranquilize him before they come to blows).
FAQ
Q: Is there any way I can reprogram my BALTHIER temporarily to be law-abiding? The police are starting to get suspicious.
A: No; BALTHIER is not reprogrammable (blame the Fanon Virus and the ensuing Great Characterization Crash of '06 for the software locks now installed on all models). Consider a long vacation somewhere far away that has no extradition treaty with your native country.
Q: Can I breed my BALTHIER?
A: BALTHIER tends to resist attempts at breeding, for reasons including a highly dangerous lifestyle (shared by most models with which they are readily matched), fears that *Mad Scientist traits may be genetic, his comparative youth, and his unwillingness to commit (particularly if the Loyalty dial is still at the factory setting). That said, you can certainly have a lot of fun trying (users and units are not, however, inter-fertile).
Q: What's the point of the Gameplay setting? Other lines have only one setting!
A: Final Fantasy™ Productions provides the additional setting to allow you and your BALTHIER to interact in a variety of ways and customize your personal experience. If you want a unit with a constant skill level, get an ELF from Tolkien Productions or something.
Q: What's the difference between *Sarcastic and *Heroic settings? I can't get my BALTHIER to shut up, even to be heroic.
A: BALTHIER's Sarcasm v3.0 programming continues to run in (almost) all modes. In *Heroic mode, however, he is likely to refer to himself as the 'leading man' and do particularly reckless things. If his sarcasm bothers you...have you considered purchasing a BASCH unit instead?
TROUBLESHOOTING
Problem: I got a FRAN unit to keep my BALTHIER out of trouble while I'm at work, but now he's locked in *Smut mode half the time with her and not me! That's not what I got him for!
Solution: While both units are sleeping, readjust their Sexuality dials until your FRAN is no longer interested in BALTHIER. The problem should solve itself.
Problem: My BALTHIER has been listless recently, no matter what I did to distract him. I saw him looking at travel brochures and looking out the window whenever a plane passed over. Today I woke up and he was nowhere in the apartment. What did I do wrong?
Solution: BALTHIER tends not to do well with staying in one place for a long time, particularly a cramped space like an apartment. Don't worry; it sounds like he just went traveling. You should hear from him (or his arresting officer) soon enough.
Problem: I think there's something wrong with my BALTHIER. He's been in *Angsty mode since I unpacked him, and he's wearing a full suit of armor. I can't even see his face!
Solution: It sounds like you've been issued an ultra-rare JUDGE BUNANSA unit. If you prefer a twenty-two-year-old snarky sky pirate to a sixteen-year-old confused and bitter Judge (a perfectly reasonable preference), you can either return him for a regular BALTHIER, or sell him for a large sum, as he is a collector's item.
Problem: BALTHIER keeps saying 'magick' instead of magic, 'technick' instead of 'technic' or 'technique', and even 'electrick' instead of 'electric'.
Solution: Yes. This is a quirk of Twelfth Series models and nothing to worry about.
Problem: I'm pretty sure the BALTHIER I ordered was younger than the one that arrived, and didn't wear glasses. Also, he's talking to thin air all the time.
Solution: You've accidentally received the DOCTOR CID and VENAT two-pack. Get them back in the box, possibly by claiming that there's nethicite inside, and return them for a BALTHIER (if, that is, you don't feel like mad science today). VENAT, by the way, is surprisingly easy to get back in the box, for an invisible god: she (or possibly he) will want to go with DOCTOR CID and not require any special handling.
Problem: I think my BALTHIER is dead! He vanished in a giant explosion and I haven't seen him since!
Solution: The leading man never dies. Calm down and keep an eye on the STRAHL™ (or have a PENELO unit do so for you). When it vanishes, as it should do within two years, you will be able to contact your BALTHIER again. If you had a particularly strong rapport, he may come back to you; otherwise, go find him (and any other units he may have taken with him). VAAN units are particularly helpful for this.
GUARANTEE
While BALTHIER units are mortal and thus do not share the 189,985.304-month warranties of immortal models such as VIERA, if you treat your BALTHIER well and cope with his wanderlust, he should continue to be a vibrant and energetic member of your household for fifty years or more, so you should put serious thought into who will get him in your will, in the event that he outlives you.