firefly
Title: Firefly
Pairing: Sehun/Krystal
AU; University Life, ~5,200w
Because Krystal thinks that love has different definitions and that people shapes the definitions of love: for her, love is patient and kind, and that it has been there all along, she was just too blind to see it.
But just like anything else (like how she shifted courses in her junior year or how she finally told Sehun about the firefly during that film showing), nothing is ever too late.
Krystal loves to play the piano. It makes her remember of childhood, of her mother playing it with their relatives at the back, her little self at her mother’s side, too young to understand what a G Clef means, her sister Jessica singing along with her mother’s music, and her dear father at their right, smiling and proud of the family.
“I’m pretty sure I have learned this last summer. I shouldn’t be as bad.” She complained, slamming the keys as she finally gave up. Her fingers weren’t as practiced as it were before. She was unfortunate for not being the gifted daughter of a talented pianist. But Krystal tried.
“It will come back to you naturally, Krystal. Don’t worry. You just need to make it remember.”
“Well, I do hope it would, Sulli.”
Krystal decided to give it a shot next time, to play with the old piano at her home which has been unused for months now. Krystal thought forcing herself to play it this time would just make everyone in the practice room suffer from the horrible music she is making. And so, Krystal and Sulli decided to return back from practicing the dance number the class had been preparing since this morning for this weekend’s event in the college.
They were already half way done when Krystal heard it. Sulli asked what is wrong but Krystal was already gone.
“Wow. I didn’t know you know how to play the piano.”
Krystal was smiling when he looked up, with his spectacles on and awkward tie. Oh Sehun was in most of her classes, they got the same course anyway and it is just obvious the two of them would have the same subjects together. But they were far too different from each other. Krystal came from the city, outgoing and vocal while he came from the province, quiet and reserved and somehow that is how usually students are. They were never introduced but Krystal knows him, of course she knows him even it had been only two months when freshmen life started. He stands out a lot, or so in Krystal’s vision.
“Go on. I’ll just watch if you don’t mind, Sehun.”
Sehun hesitated at first, his fingers on top of the keys, wanting to play his favorite piano piece. “I just learned this one by ear though so don’t expect much.”
He smiled and Krystal accepted it.
Krystal loves to play the piano as much as she loves listening to it. The music felt like heaven in her ears, soothing her heart and making her feel so protected, so safe. Every note was medicine and Krystal likes to feel better.
He missed a note and for a moment, he hesitated and then, he continued. Krystal remembered then that Oh Sehun has a lot of flaws. Her friends pointed out how awful his province diction is every time he talks in front of the class, they would giggle and sometimes Sehun would catch her, Krystal would feel more embarrassed. He also doesn’t have a very good fashion sense and he talks about saving the environment most of the time, saying it has been his lifelong dream which he might not probably be able to achieve because his parents are against this ambition, that it is just a waste of tuition money. And then, Krystal’s friends would agree with his parents behind his back, nodding and saying it sucks to use brown papers in groceries.
Oh Sehun has indeed a lot of flaws that Krystal knows of even before actually knowing him. But all of those seem to back away as he played the piano with his heart guiding him all throughout the piece, his fingers moving perfectly along the melody of his soul.
Krystal wasn’t sure if she was falling for his music or for Oh Sehun, the boy with so much flaws she didn’t bother much even at the beginning.
Krystal became sure of her feelings during the first week of Arts month, a number of weeks later that piano incident. It was when their professor asked Sehun and her to get the two boxes of art stuff on her table inside the faculty room. It wasn’t like Krystal, the class representative, had a choice (not to go) anyway so she went, Sehun trailing behind her. The faculty room was located at the other building so Krystal expected it would take them time. The piano incident was the last time they had talked and Krystal knew a conversation isn’t going to happen this time.
It was not until then when Krystal (and Sehun, she just knew) noticed a senior who knew both of them. The Senior probably had thought there is something going on with the two of them because she actually smiled at them in a teaseful way as if asking them when “it” had all started. Krystal blushed though she kept her face on the empty space in front of her. At her side, she felt Sehun shrugging, smiling sheepishly towards the senior as if saying it is not possible. Krystal thought it was cute.
The way towards the faculty room was slow and quiet. Probably, Krystal was just imagining it but to her, it felt like the gods had played stop and go with her because each step she takes seems like forever. She could also feel her heart beating, hard enough for her to hear it loud and clear. Thud, thud, thud. At least, she knew she is still alive.
The silence was killing her and it just made the situation a lot worse so Krystal started with, “Our Arts subject sucks, don’t you think?”
“Yeah. I think it does.”
Krystal walked side by side with him this time and she just noticed that he got lisp. She thought it was cute and pretty weird that her friends never pointed it out to her. They probably had never noticed it, too.
Another dead silence and the awkward atmosphere started to fill in again. Krystal was wondering if Sehun felt the same awkward feeling, too. She wanted to ask but of course, she didn’t. Who would want to ask someone if you are feeling awkward like it is a normal thing?
On the other hand, Krystal was thankful she never had encountered with some people she knew or else they would start at how she and Sehun looked together or worse, they are going to tease them as couple. She just knew what would happen. And so she was thankful for that.
Just when the awkward feeling was eating her up, the fattest boy in their school who is friends with everyone and who everyone calls Fat Jorge because he wants (them) to, appeared in front of them.
“Hey, Fat Jorge.” Both of them greeted him. Fat Jorge probably do not know either of them but still he smiled, slapping his belly as what he usually do when he meets people who call him Fat Jorge. It became his habit. And this is the reason why he was popular around the university.
Krystal laughed, shaking her head as they passed through Fat Jorge.
“Have you seen his shirt? He was wearing a statement t-shirt.”
“Yeah, it was in foreign language though. Have you understood it?”
Sehun shook his head and Krystal laughed as she felt the same way, too. The conversation of Fat Jorge continued and Krystal was somehow glad that he showed up because Fat Jorge actually eased the atmosphere between them. The awkward silence was gone since then and Krystal thought the world went back to normal after that.
After putting down the big box each of them carried from the faculty room back to their Arts Class, Krystal resigned to her usual seat with a small smile on her face only she would notice and understand.
Because of that small walk she just had with Sehun, Krystal realized she really is starting to fall in love.
Krystal and her friends never bullied anyone in school. Or so, that’s what she thinks. Her friends are just probably the type of persons who love to point out the flaws in other people and laugh at those and sometimes copy it especially if it is a weird gesture or out of habit. Krystal never thought this as mean. They are her friends, of course she never thinks of them that way. But also because her friends never came to the point of actually embarrassing a person, they would never do that.
She was already in her second year in college. As a civil engineering student, Krystal found it hard coping up fast lessons and more maths and maths and maths. She would spend most of the nights writing notes and reading them after. And it’s not even an exam week she is owling for. She just felt the need to keep up with this hell of a course because she never wants to fail any of her subjects and eventually disappoint her parents.
It was half past two in the morning one time. She was in the middle of memorizing some formulas when the thought of Sehun came across her mind. It happened in a pop, she wasn’t expecting it. She was, after all, memorizing some sines and cosines, and okay, it’s all because she remembered the stare both of them shared earlier in the day, by the corridor on her way to canteen for lunch.
Sehun and she never talked even from the fact that they both are in the same degree, Civil Engineering. They almost had the same schedule because of the major subjects. Almost the same schedule except for PE2 since Krystal got football while Oh Sehun got Ballroom Dancing. Sulli told her one time that she had seen Oh Sehun lead the class one time, showing the class a dance move in front, on stage. Krystal scowled at it, saying he’s gay for it, and hiding the fact from everyone, including her best friend, that she likes him bit and more.
She felt guilty, of course. But it’s not a reason enough for her to tell them.
Third year of being a Civil Engineering major had come so fast. Krystal had decided to dye her hair blonde this time, some sort of protest. She was by the stairs, just at the side so students can still pass without disturbing her. She was busy writing, typing a letter for the college secretary. Her decision was final and even when she doesn’t want to disappoint her parents, the letter will be sent.
Half of their sophomore year, her best friend Sulli whispered to her ear during their study break at the library that she likes Sehun, yes the one with the flaws her friends pointed out for her. Krystal was really surprised she nearly got reprimanded by the librarian, who was unfortunately arranging some stacks of books nearby. She covered her mouth as more expressions of shock were coming out of her mouth. And it did continue until they went down, with Sulli only laughing and holding in her stomach.
Her crush for Sehun was a secret she had been holding in since the day her heart confirmed it. She was cautious not to get caught by her friends whenever she steals glances at him whenever he passes by their table during lunch or when Krystal accidentally mentions his name out of nowhere during silence or when her voice seems pitchy whenever he is nearby as she talks with her friends. Her friends hadn’t noticed any of this and she was overwhelmed for not being found out but with this news, what with Sulli having a crush on him and deciding he is hot after watching him dance in a certain dance sport in school last month, Krystal just couldn’t handle the surprise it gave her.
“I think Oh Sehun likes me back.” Sulli laughed. Krystal knew it’s not impossible to ever happen. Choi Jiri is a popular kid in school. She wasn’t that smart but she’s really tall and she’s pretty and she has a nice skin. Everyone likes to be with a jolly kid like her because she is always fun to be with. Unlike Krystal, Sulli is not boring, not even once in a million time, and she talks of sweet things that would make you want to hug her and just stay with her. Nobody, as in not a single living person can stand Choi Jinri’s aegyo and she always has the chance of getting away with whatever she wanted. And so, Krystal thought it is of no wonder that Oh Sehun likes her back.
So Krystal just nodded, she agreed and thought the same thing, too. “He sure does, Sulli. He sure does.”
Krystal was already done writing her letter. She took another read of it before saving it to her flashdrive finally for printing. Her friends were surprised when she told them. She received different reactions though most of them were telling her, forcing her to stop ruining her life because she was actually doing well as a Civil Eng student. Krystal knew she was doing just fine but she had to change course. Her heart never belonged to the maths and engineering she tried to love for three years.
She never wanted to disappoint her parents for it was their dream for her but Krystal thought she might as well disappoint them now and not in the future when it would put her into a higher risk. Krystal decided to end it all now that the damage to be done is lesser compared to what it would have become in the future.
Luna was actually the only one happy for her decision. She is a Computer Science major, she’s on her final year now, when she decided to change course and shift to Psychology which is also Krystal’s chosen course.
Krystal already looked into her course syllabus and she knew she would be extending another year and a half before she could catch up with a junior standing in Psychology. It would mean that she would see her friends graduate to their courses next year and Krystal was fine with it. She chose this and she would be glad for whatever the consequences are.
“Hey”
Krystal looked up with an annoyed expression. Sulli told her even her friends were afraid of approaching her because it seemed like she is used of wearing this face as her default face. Krystal just told them she has nothing against it and they had to deal with it, of course, in a funny way of saying it, Krystal way.
“Oh, hey.” It surprised her when she realized it was Sehun.
“I have heard you were changing courses?” Sehun asked her like they were friends, like they normally talk with whatever things when they like to when in reality, the last conversation they had was over two years ago when their Arts Professor asked them to bring something Krystal forgot to recall now.
“You have good ears, Oh Sehun.” Krystal just told him, closing the document and turning off her laptop.
“You should think it over again, Krystal.”
“I am not in love with Civil Eng. Sooner or later I would quit this course. I knew it in myself and I am glad it isn’t too late for me. You are supposed to be happy for me instead. Actually.” She told him, giving him one of her fake laughs whenever she tried to cover up something. Actually, another reason why Krystal had to give up Civil Eng (if this can be considered as one because, Krystal just knew, this is nothing but an escape) is the fact that Krystal finally wanted to forget him, everything she had thought of him, and this feeling she is stupidly feeling for a boy who would never knew about. Hiding it was already hard for her especially that her sweet best friend was already deeply and madly in love with a guy she only just realized his existence after competing in a dance sports.
“I want to see more of you, Krystal. Ever since you showed up when I played the piano a long time ago.” Sehun shrugged twice and finally left.
“It means firefly. Stupid Oh Sehun. I asked Fat Jorge about his shirt the very next morning even when he doesn’t know me in the first place. It means firefly.” Krystal whispered. Sehun was already long gone and she knew he would never have heard anyway even if she had screamed it. All that is left is Krystal’s mind wondering if ever Oh Sehun would know about it: either about the firefly incident or her heart.
Krystal liked to steal glances at Oh Sehun, her long time crush since her heart confirmed it. She liked to study the things he likes or hates and even both. She liked to know more of him in the sideline, in the shadow where it is safe to look at people. But the more she tried, the more she realized how complicated Oh Sehun is as a person. The more Krystal tried to understand him, the more Oh Sehun became a stage100 puzzle to her.
Oh Sehun was made of tiny bits of puzzles that would take you long enough of watching to realize that certain part of him actually existed. Krystal wasn’t a patient type of person and there was one time she actually complained and cursed under her breath and gave up but she always, always came back.
That last talk she had with him was one of those puzzles she seemed not to be able to put into place. The thought of it never left her. Questions of why and how is it even possible had occurred to her but not a single proper answer had presented itself to her. She always failed on finding out the truth or anything near it. It is no wonder then.
A few months had already gone by. Krystal has finally left Civil Eng though it would take her a half sem first before she would be able to transfer to Psychology. She took major classes in Psychology this sem, after dropping Civil Eng majors and so far, Krystal is enjoying it. This fun she is feeling is pure and genuine unlike the fun she is feeling with her Civil Eng company, which is forced and environment- enforced. The more she spent time with Psychology, both the subject and the people involving it, the more Krystal realized how much her life sucked in Civil Eng and how much she enjoyed this damn much. So far, there were no regrets. And Krystal decided it is helping her. At least, somehow.
Krystal was in the library with her new circle of friends. She is still friends with her previous friends, of course the past three years were no joke. But what with this new course, new schedule and new people, Krystal can’t help but also to find friends in them. They gladly accepted her which was really funny to Krystal at first she thought they were joking. But they were actually not and Krystal realized they were just the best people in the world.
She was making a paper they had to submit for later when her mobile phone beeped. It lied just in front of her and Krystal couldn’t help but to check it as always. She discovered it was Kai. Her oldest friend Kai.
She and Kai first knew each other in pre- elementary days. She could still remember playing with him in the school’s playground a few weeks before school officially started. Their parents were in the principal office, taking care of some papers they don’t know what. Them being kids just played with the monkey bars, with the swing and even the slide they used to slide together like cute kids they are. They were comfortable with each other and they just played and played and played until they were tired they decided to sit by the carriage swing.
It was her earliest memory with him and Krystal just known they were close back then. They didn’t see each other over elementary and high school. Just this college, on the first day of classes. Introductions weren’t made because they just clicked. Right away. It was as if they were soulmates, born to be friends forever. That is how it was for Krystal and she was sure Kai felt the same way about her, too. It was a weird connection but they stayed as close friends over the past three years.
“I am not sure if you are an introvert or you just don’t like talking to people you don’t feel like talking to. Chanyeol just told me about yesterday’s event, Soojung. Let us talk, please?”
Krystal rolled her eyes at the text message. “Tomorrow lunch, then. Your treat.”
Chanyeol was this tall guy Krystal had known since first year college through Kai. They were best of friends and Kai was insisting the guy on her. Krystal just actually said yes on dating him that time for the sake of Kai’s sanity and to stop the guy from talking her about Chanyeol every fucking second he got to get with her. Krystal remembered actually cursing in front of Kai’s face and they were just actually first years then. Kai was being annoying. Krystal felt bitchy about it for a split second though she felt guilty immediately right after. But then, Kai just smiled sheepishly. And Krystal thought she should have used a much heavier curse word next time (it was also that time when Krystal, funny as it may sounds, felt comfortable cursing at Kai).
“Hello there, idiot.” Krystal greeted him the usual.
Kai just shrugged, as what he always does, and motioned for Krystal to take the seat across him.
“The boy never deserves such treatment, Krystal. He loves you wholeheartedly for three fucking years. What you did wasn’t necessary.”
“He was being his usual stupid self. I can’t help it.”
“He wasn’t being stupid. He was just being crazy. He waited for three long years. It is proof to that.”
“But I never told him to wait for me, in the first place.”
“Yeah, but he actually did, Soojung.”
Krystal just sighed at this. No matter how many times she tried to confess even also to Kai how she felt (nothing) towards the guy Chanyeol, nothing would stop him from reaching his love to her in so many ways. It is true that Krystal sometimes felt sorry towards him, about how she would not ever be able to return his feelings but… but Krystal knew the reason why and she felt guilty for not being able to say it.
Kai somehow knew what is going on in the mind of Jung Soojung. He leaned closer and lightly smacked Soojung’s head with a grin, “You are the idiot one, Soojung.”
Her life in the university, so far, had gone on as what she had liked it to be. Her Civil Eng friends, including Sulli, were doing fine on their own. Krystal had never been so much busier in her entire student career but it was a good thing to her. A lot of things were keeping her from thinking and overthinking, a really good thing. The next thing Krystal knew, all of her old friends would be graduating in quick flick of hand in a month.
She met them by the school’s ground one Friday afternoon. It was the last of the seniors exams week and to them, university year is almost over. All they ever need to do was to wait for further announcements from their professors, if they need to retake an exam (in which their fingers are crossed for) or submit a missing subject requirement, unless you did well on each of your subjects like Park Jiyeon, you are almost good to go.
Krystal was listening to their stories and how college life had gone so fast. Jiyeon almost teared up upon remembering the good old days, Suzy just put her hand on her hip and playfully disagreed to whatever Jiyeon was ought to say while Sulli and Krystal would just laugh at the side.
She never realized how much she had missed hanging out with them not until then. And so, when Sulli tried to cheer everyone up and invited them to spend dinner together over her house and a sleepover if they wanted, everyone literally jumped for joy, including Krystal, for it would probably be the last sleepover they would ever have this year as college students.
It was that moment when a lot of things had passed through Krystal’s mind, from being the innocent first year students they were, the life-changing events, the turning point of her life when she was in third year, and the final year of her friends she chose not to spend with, everything else started to play in her mind and everything became clearer, it was as if every single thing that happened happened for a reason and Krystal couldn’t help but to smile, wanting to leap for joy and cry at the same time.
That is why when the day of her old friends’ graduation came, Krystal couldn’t help but shed a tear. Everyone in her batch was there, with their togas on and finally their diploma in their hands (for those who marched onto stage already, some were still waiting in line). She felt slightly jealous, for she would have been standing at the same stage at them, wearing the same toga just like them, smiling in proud and in honor just like them. Krystal knew right away that this is not what she is supposed to feel so she shook those thoughts away and instead focused on her friends.
Krystal sat at the right side of the gymnasium, at the center were the graduates, waiting for their turn to come up stage and receive their diploma. Sulli spotted her and Krystal waved and smiled at her. She was genuinely happy for them, for she knew they had earned it. She knew it in her heart that she is going to miss them and somehow, she wanted them to wait for her. But then, she was the one who chose this path, and she knew it is just right to straighten out the crooked way she had created for herself. She just had to be patient. And wait.
After the graduation, Krystal took a picture with her friends, everyone in the picture was wearing a toga and everyone looked good, even Kai looked like a good student for the first time in his life, Krystal commented and received a big hug instead. And Chanyeol, the tall guy Chanyeol actually looked better now though he had always looked his best in school.
That was Krystal’s favorite picture of them, with them, for everyone in the pic was genuinely happy, including herself. It was also her favorite for it never failed to make her smile. Whenever she felt down or whenever she felt like giving up in her last year of college now, all Krystal ever needed to do is just bring out the group picture she had in her wallet taken during that graduation day and everything else would be fine.
It was almost her time to graduate and Krystal was busy selling tickets for their final project, a film showing organized by Psychology students. Krystal actually posted a status on her facebook profile online, persuading people to watch the film showing and buy tickets from her (every student needs to sell at least fifty).
She was glad she had friends from the lower years and of course, even those who already graduated supported her. Her friends Jiyeon, Suzy, and Sulli promised to buy a ticket each as long as she promised to reserve the night of the film showing with her, to watch a movie at the mall together after or something, anything to do for there would be a lot of catching up to do.
Even Kai promised to come to support, as long as his ticket would be free of charge. Krystal shook her head upon his message, remembering how this idiot had never changed year after a year and even in forever, Krystal decided.
Krystal received an overwhelming number of responses, most of them were from her batchmates who probably had jobs right now. And she felt somewhat teary. She never felt so remembered in her entire life, and she realized just how precious she is to have friends like them.
It was not until she came across a message from a person who became a huge part of her college life, even until now.
Sehun had messaged her, even in a joking manner, telling her to reserve two tickets: one for him and another for his bag. Krystal recalled that the last time he had talked to her was during their graduation day, after the ceremony. He approached her and whispered something to her ear. All she ever caught up was ‘thank you’ and ‘friend’ over the loud batch song the music conductor decided to play on loop. He was talking in a low voice over the loud chatters of the people around them. She was glad she had seen him, at least one last look at him, that time. And even though she hadn’t entirely heard what he said, Krystal was glad he had talked to her.
Krystal knew that love has different definitions: for her, love is crush and longing combined. It was a mistake when she tried to convince herself that she wanted to forget Sehun because no matter what, in her heart she knew it would never happen. Forgetting someone you like is like remembering the password to your nonexistent apartment. It is never going to happen. And even though things didn’t end up pretty well between her and Sehun, Krystal was glad they remained friends.
She still loves Oh Sehun with all her heart, she always had and she always will. It had only been two years and she misses him. Surely, she’s going to see him, if not during the film showing (since she might probably be busy) but she knew, time will come for them to meet again. For Soojung, love can wait. And it will never pass.
Krystal was thirty-two. She was reading a lovely book in her own clinic (she had just taken her lunch and she wanted to spend the remaining time with the company of, if not with her cute little kiddo, a good book) when her telephone rang. She reached for it and realized it was Kai.
“I am not sure if you are stubborn or you just like watching people’s cheeks turn into a shade of red. For fun. Your husband just told me about yesterday’s incident, Soojung.”
“Ugh. When is Chanyeol going to stop reporting every event of our marriage life to you?”
“He waited his whole life for you, Soojung. That’s why.”
“You idiot.” Yeah, I am glad he did.
Because Krystal thinks that love has different definitions and that people shapes the definitions of love: for her, love is patient and kind, and that it has been there all along, she was just too blind to see it.
But just like anything else (like how she shifted courses in her junior year or how she finally told Sehun about the firefly during that film showing), nothing is ever too late.
Pairing: Sehun/Krystal
AU; University Life, ~5,200w
Because Krystal thinks that love has different definitions and that people shapes the definitions of love: for her, love is patient and kind, and that it has been there all along, she was just too blind to see it.
But just like anything else (like how she shifted courses in her junior year or how she finally told Sehun about the firefly during that film showing), nothing is ever too late.
Krystal loves to play the piano. It makes her remember of childhood, of her mother playing it with their relatives at the back, her little self at her mother’s side, too young to understand what a G Clef means, her sister Jessica singing along with her mother’s music, and her dear father at their right, smiling and proud of the family.
“I’m pretty sure I have learned this last summer. I shouldn’t be as bad.” She complained, slamming the keys as she finally gave up. Her fingers weren’t as practiced as it were before. She was unfortunate for not being the gifted daughter of a talented pianist. But Krystal tried.
“It will come back to you naturally, Krystal. Don’t worry. You just need to make it remember.”
“Well, I do hope it would, Sulli.”
Krystal decided to give it a shot next time, to play with the old piano at her home which has been unused for months now. Krystal thought forcing herself to play it this time would just make everyone in the practice room suffer from the horrible music she is making. And so, Krystal and Sulli decided to return back from practicing the dance number the class had been preparing since this morning for this weekend’s event in the college.
They were already half way done when Krystal heard it. Sulli asked what is wrong but Krystal was already gone.
“Wow. I didn’t know you know how to play the piano.”
Krystal was smiling when he looked up, with his spectacles on and awkward tie. Oh Sehun was in most of her classes, they got the same course anyway and it is just obvious the two of them would have the same subjects together. But they were far too different from each other. Krystal came from the city, outgoing and vocal while he came from the province, quiet and reserved and somehow that is how usually students are. They were never introduced but Krystal knows him, of course she knows him even it had been only two months when freshmen life started. He stands out a lot, or so in Krystal’s vision.
“Go on. I’ll just watch if you don’t mind, Sehun.”
Sehun hesitated at first, his fingers on top of the keys, wanting to play his favorite piano piece. “I just learned this one by ear though so don’t expect much.”
He smiled and Krystal accepted it.
Krystal loves to play the piano as much as she loves listening to it. The music felt like heaven in her ears, soothing her heart and making her feel so protected, so safe. Every note was medicine and Krystal likes to feel better.
He missed a note and for a moment, he hesitated and then, he continued. Krystal remembered then that Oh Sehun has a lot of flaws. Her friends pointed out how awful his province diction is every time he talks in front of the class, they would giggle and sometimes Sehun would catch her, Krystal would feel more embarrassed. He also doesn’t have a very good fashion sense and he talks about saving the environment most of the time, saying it has been his lifelong dream which he might not probably be able to achieve because his parents are against this ambition, that it is just a waste of tuition money. And then, Krystal’s friends would agree with his parents behind his back, nodding and saying it sucks to use brown papers in groceries.
Oh Sehun has indeed a lot of flaws that Krystal knows of even before actually knowing him. But all of those seem to back away as he played the piano with his heart guiding him all throughout the piece, his fingers moving perfectly along the melody of his soul.
Krystal wasn’t sure if she was falling for his music or for Oh Sehun, the boy with so much flaws she didn’t bother much even at the beginning.
Krystal became sure of her feelings during the first week of Arts month, a number of weeks later that piano incident. It was when their professor asked Sehun and her to get the two boxes of art stuff on her table inside the faculty room. It wasn’t like Krystal, the class representative, had a choice (not to go) anyway so she went, Sehun trailing behind her. The faculty room was located at the other building so Krystal expected it would take them time. The piano incident was the last time they had talked and Krystal knew a conversation isn’t going to happen this time.
It was not until then when Krystal (and Sehun, she just knew) noticed a senior who knew both of them. The Senior probably had thought there is something going on with the two of them because she actually smiled at them in a teaseful way as if asking them when “it” had all started. Krystal blushed though she kept her face on the empty space in front of her. At her side, she felt Sehun shrugging, smiling sheepishly towards the senior as if saying it is not possible. Krystal thought it was cute.
The way towards the faculty room was slow and quiet. Probably, Krystal was just imagining it but to her, it felt like the gods had played stop and go with her because each step she takes seems like forever. She could also feel her heart beating, hard enough for her to hear it loud and clear. Thud, thud, thud. At least, she knew she is still alive.
The silence was killing her and it just made the situation a lot worse so Krystal started with, “Our Arts subject sucks, don’t you think?”
“Yeah. I think it does.”
Krystal walked side by side with him this time and she just noticed that he got lisp. She thought it was cute and pretty weird that her friends never pointed it out to her. They probably had never noticed it, too.
Another dead silence and the awkward atmosphere started to fill in again. Krystal was wondering if Sehun felt the same awkward feeling, too. She wanted to ask but of course, she didn’t. Who would want to ask someone if you are feeling awkward like it is a normal thing?
On the other hand, Krystal was thankful she never had encountered with some people she knew or else they would start at how she and Sehun looked together or worse, they are going to tease them as couple. She just knew what would happen. And so she was thankful for that.
Just when the awkward feeling was eating her up, the fattest boy in their school who is friends with everyone and who everyone calls Fat Jorge because he wants (them) to, appeared in front of them.
“Hey, Fat Jorge.” Both of them greeted him. Fat Jorge probably do not know either of them but still he smiled, slapping his belly as what he usually do when he meets people who call him Fat Jorge. It became his habit. And this is the reason why he was popular around the university.
Krystal laughed, shaking her head as they passed through Fat Jorge.
“Have you seen his shirt? He was wearing a statement t-shirt.”
“Yeah, it was in foreign language though. Have you understood it?”
Sehun shook his head and Krystal laughed as she felt the same way, too. The conversation of Fat Jorge continued and Krystal was somehow glad that he showed up because Fat Jorge actually eased the atmosphere between them. The awkward silence was gone since then and Krystal thought the world went back to normal after that.
After putting down the big box each of them carried from the faculty room back to their Arts Class, Krystal resigned to her usual seat with a small smile on her face only she would notice and understand.
Because of that small walk she just had with Sehun, Krystal realized she really is starting to fall in love.
Krystal and her friends never bullied anyone in school. Or so, that’s what she thinks. Her friends are just probably the type of persons who love to point out the flaws in other people and laugh at those and sometimes copy it especially if it is a weird gesture or out of habit. Krystal never thought this as mean. They are her friends, of course she never thinks of them that way. But also because her friends never came to the point of actually embarrassing a person, they would never do that.
She was already in her second year in college. As a civil engineering student, Krystal found it hard coping up fast lessons and more maths and maths and maths. She would spend most of the nights writing notes and reading them after. And it’s not even an exam week she is owling for. She just felt the need to keep up with this hell of a course because she never wants to fail any of her subjects and eventually disappoint her parents.
It was half past two in the morning one time. She was in the middle of memorizing some formulas when the thought of Sehun came across her mind. It happened in a pop, she wasn’t expecting it. She was, after all, memorizing some sines and cosines, and okay, it’s all because she remembered the stare both of them shared earlier in the day, by the corridor on her way to canteen for lunch.
Sehun and she never talked even from the fact that they both are in the same degree, Civil Engineering. They almost had the same schedule because of the major subjects. Almost the same schedule except for PE2 since Krystal got football while Oh Sehun got Ballroom Dancing. Sulli told her one time that she had seen Oh Sehun lead the class one time, showing the class a dance move in front, on stage. Krystal scowled at it, saying he’s gay for it, and hiding the fact from everyone, including her best friend, that she likes him bit and more.
She felt guilty, of course. But it’s not a reason enough for her to tell them.
Third year of being a Civil Engineering major had come so fast. Krystal had decided to dye her hair blonde this time, some sort of protest. She was by the stairs, just at the side so students can still pass without disturbing her. She was busy writing, typing a letter for the college secretary. Her decision was final and even when she doesn’t want to disappoint her parents, the letter will be sent.
Half of their sophomore year, her best friend Sulli whispered to her ear during their study break at the library that she likes Sehun, yes the one with the flaws her friends pointed out for her. Krystal was really surprised she nearly got reprimanded by the librarian, who was unfortunately arranging some stacks of books nearby. She covered her mouth as more expressions of shock were coming out of her mouth. And it did continue until they went down, with Sulli only laughing and holding in her stomach.
Her crush for Sehun was a secret she had been holding in since the day her heart confirmed it. She was cautious not to get caught by her friends whenever she steals glances at him whenever he passes by their table during lunch or when Krystal accidentally mentions his name out of nowhere during silence or when her voice seems pitchy whenever he is nearby as she talks with her friends. Her friends hadn’t noticed any of this and she was overwhelmed for not being found out but with this news, what with Sulli having a crush on him and deciding he is hot after watching him dance in a certain dance sport in school last month, Krystal just couldn’t handle the surprise it gave her.
“I think Oh Sehun likes me back.” Sulli laughed. Krystal knew it’s not impossible to ever happen. Choi Jiri is a popular kid in school. She wasn’t that smart but she’s really tall and she’s pretty and she has a nice skin. Everyone likes to be with a jolly kid like her because she is always fun to be with. Unlike Krystal, Sulli is not boring, not even once in a million time, and she talks of sweet things that would make you want to hug her and just stay with her. Nobody, as in not a single living person can stand Choi Jinri’s aegyo and she always has the chance of getting away with whatever she wanted. And so, Krystal thought it is of no wonder that Oh Sehun likes her back.
So Krystal just nodded, she agreed and thought the same thing, too. “He sure does, Sulli. He sure does.”
Krystal was already done writing her letter. She took another read of it before saving it to her flashdrive finally for printing. Her friends were surprised when she told them. She received different reactions though most of them were telling her, forcing her to stop ruining her life because she was actually doing well as a Civil Eng student. Krystal knew she was doing just fine but she had to change course. Her heart never belonged to the maths and engineering she tried to love for three years.
She never wanted to disappoint her parents for it was their dream for her but Krystal thought she might as well disappoint them now and not in the future when it would put her into a higher risk. Krystal decided to end it all now that the damage to be done is lesser compared to what it would have become in the future.
Luna was actually the only one happy for her decision. She is a Computer Science major, she’s on her final year now, when she decided to change course and shift to Psychology which is also Krystal’s chosen course.
Krystal already looked into her course syllabus and she knew she would be extending another year and a half before she could catch up with a junior standing in Psychology. It would mean that she would see her friends graduate to their courses next year and Krystal was fine with it. She chose this and she would be glad for whatever the consequences are.
“Hey”
Krystal looked up with an annoyed expression. Sulli told her even her friends were afraid of approaching her because it seemed like she is used of wearing this face as her default face. Krystal just told them she has nothing against it and they had to deal with it, of course, in a funny way of saying it, Krystal way.
“Oh, hey.” It surprised her when she realized it was Sehun.
“I have heard you were changing courses?” Sehun asked her like they were friends, like they normally talk with whatever things when they like to when in reality, the last conversation they had was over two years ago when their Arts Professor asked them to bring something Krystal forgot to recall now.
“You have good ears, Oh Sehun.” Krystal just told him, closing the document and turning off her laptop.
“You should think it over again, Krystal.”
“I am not in love with Civil Eng. Sooner or later I would quit this course. I knew it in myself and I am glad it isn’t too late for me. You are supposed to be happy for me instead. Actually.” She told him, giving him one of her fake laughs whenever she tried to cover up something. Actually, another reason why Krystal had to give up Civil Eng (if this can be considered as one because, Krystal just knew, this is nothing but an escape) is the fact that Krystal finally wanted to forget him, everything she had thought of him, and this feeling she is stupidly feeling for a boy who would never knew about. Hiding it was already hard for her especially that her sweet best friend was already deeply and madly in love with a guy she only just realized his existence after competing in a dance sports.
“I want to see more of you, Krystal. Ever since you showed up when I played the piano a long time ago.” Sehun shrugged twice and finally left.
“It means firefly. Stupid Oh Sehun. I asked Fat Jorge about his shirt the very next morning even when he doesn’t know me in the first place. It means firefly.” Krystal whispered. Sehun was already long gone and she knew he would never have heard anyway even if she had screamed it. All that is left is Krystal’s mind wondering if ever Oh Sehun would know about it: either about the firefly incident or her heart.
Krystal liked to steal glances at Oh Sehun, her long time crush since her heart confirmed it. She liked to study the things he likes or hates and even both. She liked to know more of him in the sideline, in the shadow where it is safe to look at people. But the more she tried, the more she realized how complicated Oh Sehun is as a person. The more Krystal tried to understand him, the more Oh Sehun became a stage100 puzzle to her.
Oh Sehun was made of tiny bits of puzzles that would take you long enough of watching to realize that certain part of him actually existed. Krystal wasn’t a patient type of person and there was one time she actually complained and cursed under her breath and gave up but she always, always came back.
That last talk she had with him was one of those puzzles she seemed not to be able to put into place. The thought of it never left her. Questions of why and how is it even possible had occurred to her but not a single proper answer had presented itself to her. She always failed on finding out the truth or anything near it. It is no wonder then.
A few months had already gone by. Krystal has finally left Civil Eng though it would take her a half sem first before she would be able to transfer to Psychology. She took major classes in Psychology this sem, after dropping Civil Eng majors and so far, Krystal is enjoying it. This fun she is feeling is pure and genuine unlike the fun she is feeling with her Civil Eng company, which is forced and environment- enforced. The more she spent time with Psychology, both the subject and the people involving it, the more Krystal realized how much her life sucked in Civil Eng and how much she enjoyed this damn much. So far, there were no regrets. And Krystal decided it is helping her. At least, somehow.
Krystal was in the library with her new circle of friends. She is still friends with her previous friends, of course the past three years were no joke. But what with this new course, new schedule and new people, Krystal can’t help but also to find friends in them. They gladly accepted her which was really funny to Krystal at first she thought they were joking. But they were actually not and Krystal realized they were just the best people in the world.
She was making a paper they had to submit for later when her mobile phone beeped. It lied just in front of her and Krystal couldn’t help but to check it as always. She discovered it was Kai. Her oldest friend Kai.
She and Kai first knew each other in pre- elementary days. She could still remember playing with him in the school’s playground a few weeks before school officially started. Their parents were in the principal office, taking care of some papers they don’t know what. Them being kids just played with the monkey bars, with the swing and even the slide they used to slide together like cute kids they are. They were comfortable with each other and they just played and played and played until they were tired they decided to sit by the carriage swing.
It was her earliest memory with him and Krystal just known they were close back then. They didn’t see each other over elementary and high school. Just this college, on the first day of classes. Introductions weren’t made because they just clicked. Right away. It was as if they were soulmates, born to be friends forever. That is how it was for Krystal and she was sure Kai felt the same way about her, too. It was a weird connection but they stayed as close friends over the past three years.
“I am not sure if you are an introvert or you just don’t like talking to people you don’t feel like talking to. Chanyeol just told me about yesterday’s event, Soojung. Let us talk, please?”
Krystal rolled her eyes at the text message. “Tomorrow lunch, then. Your treat.”
Chanyeol was this tall guy Krystal had known since first year college through Kai. They were best of friends and Kai was insisting the guy on her. Krystal just actually said yes on dating him that time for the sake of Kai’s sanity and to stop the guy from talking her about Chanyeol every fucking second he got to get with her. Krystal remembered actually cursing in front of Kai’s face and they were just actually first years then. Kai was being annoying. Krystal felt bitchy about it for a split second though she felt guilty immediately right after. But then, Kai just smiled sheepishly. And Krystal thought she should have used a much heavier curse word next time (it was also that time when Krystal, funny as it may sounds, felt comfortable cursing at Kai).
“Hello there, idiot.” Krystal greeted him the usual.
Kai just shrugged, as what he always does, and motioned for Krystal to take the seat across him.
“The boy never deserves such treatment, Krystal. He loves you wholeheartedly for three fucking years. What you did wasn’t necessary.”
“He was being his usual stupid self. I can’t help it.”
“He wasn’t being stupid. He was just being crazy. He waited for three long years. It is proof to that.”
“But I never told him to wait for me, in the first place.”
“Yeah, but he actually did, Soojung.”
Krystal just sighed at this. No matter how many times she tried to confess even also to Kai how she felt (nothing) towards the guy Chanyeol, nothing would stop him from reaching his love to her in so many ways. It is true that Krystal sometimes felt sorry towards him, about how she would not ever be able to return his feelings but… but Krystal knew the reason why and she felt guilty for not being able to say it.
Kai somehow knew what is going on in the mind of Jung Soojung. He leaned closer and lightly smacked Soojung’s head with a grin, “You are the idiot one, Soojung.”
Her life in the university, so far, had gone on as what she had liked it to be. Her Civil Eng friends, including Sulli, were doing fine on their own. Krystal had never been so much busier in her entire student career but it was a good thing to her. A lot of things were keeping her from thinking and overthinking, a really good thing. The next thing Krystal knew, all of her old friends would be graduating in quick flick of hand in a month.
She met them by the school’s ground one Friday afternoon. It was the last of the seniors exams week and to them, university year is almost over. All they ever need to do was to wait for further announcements from their professors, if they need to retake an exam (in which their fingers are crossed for) or submit a missing subject requirement, unless you did well on each of your subjects like Park Jiyeon, you are almost good to go.
Krystal was listening to their stories and how college life had gone so fast. Jiyeon almost teared up upon remembering the good old days, Suzy just put her hand on her hip and playfully disagreed to whatever Jiyeon was ought to say while Sulli and Krystal would just laugh at the side.
She never realized how much she had missed hanging out with them not until then. And so, when Sulli tried to cheer everyone up and invited them to spend dinner together over her house and a sleepover if they wanted, everyone literally jumped for joy, including Krystal, for it would probably be the last sleepover they would ever have this year as college students.
It was that moment when a lot of things had passed through Krystal’s mind, from being the innocent first year students they were, the life-changing events, the turning point of her life when she was in third year, and the final year of her friends she chose not to spend with, everything else started to play in her mind and everything became clearer, it was as if every single thing that happened happened for a reason and Krystal couldn’t help but to smile, wanting to leap for joy and cry at the same time.
That is why when the day of her old friends’ graduation came, Krystal couldn’t help but shed a tear. Everyone in her batch was there, with their togas on and finally their diploma in their hands (for those who marched onto stage already, some were still waiting in line). She felt slightly jealous, for she would have been standing at the same stage at them, wearing the same toga just like them, smiling in proud and in honor just like them. Krystal knew right away that this is not what she is supposed to feel so she shook those thoughts away and instead focused on her friends.
Krystal sat at the right side of the gymnasium, at the center were the graduates, waiting for their turn to come up stage and receive their diploma. Sulli spotted her and Krystal waved and smiled at her. She was genuinely happy for them, for she knew they had earned it. She knew it in her heart that she is going to miss them and somehow, she wanted them to wait for her. But then, she was the one who chose this path, and she knew it is just right to straighten out the crooked way she had created for herself. She just had to be patient. And wait.
After the graduation, Krystal took a picture with her friends, everyone in the picture was wearing a toga and everyone looked good, even Kai looked like a good student for the first time in his life, Krystal commented and received a big hug instead. And Chanyeol, the tall guy Chanyeol actually looked better now though he had always looked his best in school.
That was Krystal’s favorite picture of them, with them, for everyone in the pic was genuinely happy, including herself. It was also her favorite for it never failed to make her smile. Whenever she felt down or whenever she felt like giving up in her last year of college now, all Krystal ever needed to do is just bring out the group picture she had in her wallet taken during that graduation day and everything else would be fine.
It was almost her time to graduate and Krystal was busy selling tickets for their final project, a film showing organized by Psychology students. Krystal actually posted a status on her facebook profile online, persuading people to watch the film showing and buy tickets from her (every student needs to sell at least fifty).
She was glad she had friends from the lower years and of course, even those who already graduated supported her. Her friends Jiyeon, Suzy, and Sulli promised to buy a ticket each as long as she promised to reserve the night of the film showing with her, to watch a movie at the mall together after or something, anything to do for there would be a lot of catching up to do.
Even Kai promised to come to support, as long as his ticket would be free of charge. Krystal shook her head upon his message, remembering how this idiot had never changed year after a year and even in forever, Krystal decided.
Krystal received an overwhelming number of responses, most of them were from her batchmates who probably had jobs right now. And she felt somewhat teary. She never felt so remembered in her entire life, and she realized just how precious she is to have friends like them.
It was not until she came across a message from a person who became a huge part of her college life, even until now.
Sehun had messaged her, even in a joking manner, telling her to reserve two tickets: one for him and another for his bag. Krystal recalled that the last time he had talked to her was during their graduation day, after the ceremony. He approached her and whispered something to her ear. All she ever caught up was ‘thank you’ and ‘friend’ over the loud batch song the music conductor decided to play on loop. He was talking in a low voice over the loud chatters of the people around them. She was glad she had seen him, at least one last look at him, that time. And even though she hadn’t entirely heard what he said, Krystal was glad he had talked to her.
Krystal knew that love has different definitions: for her, love is crush and longing combined. It was a mistake when she tried to convince herself that she wanted to forget Sehun because no matter what, in her heart she knew it would never happen. Forgetting someone you like is like remembering the password to your nonexistent apartment. It is never going to happen. And even though things didn’t end up pretty well between her and Sehun, Krystal was glad they remained friends.
She still loves Oh Sehun with all her heart, she always had and she always will. It had only been two years and she misses him. Surely, she’s going to see him, if not during the film showing (since she might probably be busy) but she knew, time will come for them to meet again. For Soojung, love can wait. And it will never pass.
Krystal was thirty-two. She was reading a lovely book in her own clinic (she had just taken her lunch and she wanted to spend the remaining time with the company of, if not with her cute little kiddo, a good book) when her telephone rang. She reached for it and realized it was Kai.
“I am not sure if you are stubborn or you just like watching people’s cheeks turn into a shade of red. For fun. Your husband just told me about yesterday’s incident, Soojung.”
“Ugh. When is Chanyeol going to stop reporting every event of our marriage life to you?”
“He waited his whole life for you, Soojung. That’s why.”
“You idiot.” Yeah, I am glad he did.
Because Krystal thinks that love has different definitions and that people shapes the definitions of love: for her, love is patient and kind, and that it has been there all along, she was just too blind to see it.
But just like anything else (like how she shifted courses in her junior year or how she finally told Sehun about the firefly during that film showing), nothing is ever too late.