Comments | susumadu: [drabble] 10 Characters meme #1

yoyocchi in susumadu

[drabble] 10 Characters meme #1

Jul 02, 2013 13:25

Title: 10 Characters meme #1
Fandom: 2NE1, Hey! Say! JUMP, Sexy Zone
Author: yoyocchi
Note: From twenty one prompts given, I will submit three to seven fics per post depend on their length and in random order ( Read more... )

rating: pg-13, c: yabu kouta, rating: g, fanfic: drabble, c: sandara park, fandom: 2ne1, fandom: sexy zone, fandom: hey! say! jump

Comments 5

ichigocherry July 2 2013, 07:25:09 UTC

ASDFGHJKLJHGGHJHJGHFGSDGJSDGHJDJHSHDJSDHJ

FEELS/

I KENNOT

I JUST

CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANT

I keep forgetting that they are genderbent and I was like omfg bom (I meant the girl here) is so cute and fuuma (the guy) is so ikemenly kawaii and then I'm like oh. BAHAHAHAHAHA
BOM SO IKEMENLY SEME.I LIKE THAT.

fuuma has always been a darling so

BUT EJF.RENFKREJKRE.NGRLEG YABUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
omg omg omg omg taiyou taiyou taiyou i justttttttt

oh constructive criticism first before i forget

"Everyone thinks I am the one responsible for killing them-Hikaru-kun, Dai-chan, and Yamada-kun-and you know what? When I was around, I could see fear in their eyes. They doubt me. They were afraid I would kill them.”
this wasn't as clear. or maybe I'm just dense /shot rephrasing this would be better. If they were already doubting that taiyou would kill them before they died, then ( ... )

ichigocherry July 2 2013, 07:27:02 UTC

lol at my trying to give constructive criticism when I don't make sense myself.

yoyocchi July 2 2013, 11:10:51 UTC

I should have left the "genderswap" bolded xD;;;;;

htjagdsgsdggfszasddfadgsdgsgsds thanks for the critic; that helps a lot! ;u;

the "they" is meant for everyone aside from those mentioned actually (aka the killed ones) but idk. Help me rephrase it? My english is getting rusty for real. HELP TAT

now that I think about it, the whole fuse about "taiyou's attempt to commit suicide because he thinks no one believes him anymore" doesn't make sense at all .___. in the end I just want to make yabu falls off of the roof with him lol /forever sucks at making plothole-less storyline even for drabbles orz

I shall fix some parts of it sometimes later

Pitch in black hoodie. PITCH IN BLACK HOODIE I'M PICTURING IT IN MY HEAD AND IT STRANGELY FEELS NOT-SO OUT OF PLACE????

tbh i cried hearing daiki died man i h8 u ichigocherry July 3 2013, 06:48:17 UTC

I already reminded myself that it was genderbent before I read it though so maybe that's just me xD

Um, it's going to be a bit hard to rephrase it because of the mild plot confusion but maybe adding something else would help? Like how Taiyou was already mildly secluded from the "group" but after the deaths everyone kinda go haywired and shit.

"People think I am the one responsible for the murders - for the deaths of Hikaru-kun, Dai-chan and Yamada-kun - and you know what? When they were still around, I could see fear in their eyes when they greeted and smiled at me. Behind my back I can hear them talk: they think I'm crazy. They think I'm a lunatic.And when Hikaru-kun died, all eyes are on me and no one else. No one believed me that it wasn't me. Even after Dai-chan, even after Yamada-kun.”

a bit revelation of the past, but not all just to maintain the mysteriousness of short horror drabbles. Hope that was fine... my english is not good as well. xD ( ... )

(The comment has been removed)

yoyocchi July 3 2013, 01:20:04 UTC

More like FuuuaxBomyoung but well :3 "How to write het?" just write it idk. Maybe a mention of boob can help lol /shot

Yes yes he murdered Yabu but, guys, he was not Taiyou! Taiyou won't hurt anyone and anything even a single ant :c

Hyuu glad you find that one angsty. I thought it was a total failure x_x