[fic] Disconnect (sequel to "Connect")
Title: Disconnect [2/3]
Author: MikkyBoom
Rating: PG
Pairing: Hankyung/Siwon [implied Hankyung/Heechul]
Warnings(?): angsty.
Note: OMG, sequel to "Connect"? Ahahaha. And there's a third one too, and that'll be the end. xD
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Morning.
Hankyung finds it hard to smile at Siwon in the morning. In fact, it’s hard even to look at him at all.
The days seem to run together, more and more piling up into an obnoxious pile clamoring for review and comment, but Hankyung can’t do it. He can’t make himself sit and focus. Is it because he’s home? Why is it that now, when he can finally say everything that way he wants to, he can’t find words at all?
Oh, he knows why. He know why all too, and as hard as he tries, a flash of black eyes and black hair and pink socks crosses his mind, making him flinch.
Are memories supposed to physically hurt like this?
“Hyung…”
Siwon’s voice is soft as he leans over the table, places a hand hesitantly on Hankyung’s arm. “Are you okay?”
Would any ever know how much strength it took for Hankyung to look away from his thoughts, and look back towards his present? He shakes his head slowly, ready to brush off the question in a way he’s never done before, but is learning now, but he remembers almost absently that this is the man who’s bed he warms at night… This is the man that holds back the memories as easily as he can bring them back to live. This is the man that Hankyung lies to with every kiss he gives him to comfort him. The least Hankyung can do is be courteous.
“I’m fine…” Hankyung wants to add in that he feels a little sick, he wants to claim unhealthiness, but he can’t do it. He can’t lie to those wide eyes and slightly-open mouth. So instead, he says nothing. He smiles, small and absolutely meaningless to him, but it makes Siwon’s smile get just that much brighter, that much more relieved.
“There’s a movie on that…”
Hankyung fades out again. Why was that line so similar? Is this another memory coming to sink him down, coming to make him break more and more pieces of himself off?
“Yah, come here! There’s a movie on that I want to see. Look, see, it’s American. About gay people. American gays… Like a zoo, you know? There’s so many different kinds… Maybe more like ice cream? Yah, buy me some ice cream.”
Hankyung wonders why he feels like laughing and crying at the same time. Isn’t that called hysteria? A loss of sanity. He’s going insane in this circle.
Do you know? He’s been counting the days, every day since Heechul kissed him, grinned, and said oh-so-sweetly It’s been fun, have fun in China and left him broken in half, scared and stunned as he climbed into the car that drove them to the airport.
He counts all the different reasons too, why Heechul had ended things so viciously. Had he been too clingy? He’s tried his best to not be some bimbo on Heechul’s arm, knowing how much he hated it. Had he been boring? He’d tried his hardest to always have something new to say, some new idea to try out. Had he just simply loved too much? That could be it… When Hankyung loved, he loved. Maybe all the quiet whisperings in the middle of the night had been nothing to Heechul but a game.
“Hyung…” Siwon’s voice makes Hankyung turn to him, and when he sees the knowing look in his dark eyes, he sighs and bows his head. He stands up from the table, goes to stand by Siwon’s side. Siwon looks up at him from his chair, quiet and patient like he always is, and he reaches up to hold Hankyung’s hand, and that simple gesture, at the moment, was enough to throw Hankyung overboard.
He stood there and he cried, shoulders shaking, and Siwon stood up with that easy grace he has and wrapped warm arms around him, and all Hankyung wanted was for the chance to hug Heechul again.
Author: MikkyBoom
Rating: PG
Pairing: Hankyung/Siwon [implied Hankyung/Heechul]
Warnings(?): angsty.
Note: OMG, sequel to "Connect"? Ahahaha. And there's a third one too, and that'll be the end. xD
----------
Morning.
Hankyung finds it hard to smile at Siwon in the morning. In fact, it’s hard even to look at him at all.
The days seem to run together, more and more piling up into an obnoxious pile clamoring for review and comment, but Hankyung can’t do it. He can’t make himself sit and focus. Is it because he’s home? Why is it that now, when he can finally say everything that way he wants to, he can’t find words at all?
Oh, he knows why. He know why all too, and as hard as he tries, a flash of black eyes and black hair and pink socks crosses his mind, making him flinch.
Are memories supposed to physically hurt like this?
“Hyung…”
Siwon’s voice is soft as he leans over the table, places a hand hesitantly on Hankyung’s arm. “Are you okay?”
Would any ever know how much strength it took for Hankyung to look away from his thoughts, and look back towards his present? He shakes his head slowly, ready to brush off the question in a way he’s never done before, but is learning now, but he remembers almost absently that this is the man who’s bed he warms at night… This is the man that holds back the memories as easily as he can bring them back to live. This is the man that Hankyung lies to with every kiss he gives him to comfort him. The least Hankyung can do is be courteous.
“I’m fine…” Hankyung wants to add in that he feels a little sick, he wants to claim unhealthiness, but he can’t do it. He can’t lie to those wide eyes and slightly-open mouth. So instead, he says nothing. He smiles, small and absolutely meaningless to him, but it makes Siwon’s smile get just that much brighter, that much more relieved.
“There’s a movie on that…”
Hankyung fades out again. Why was that line so similar? Is this another memory coming to sink him down, coming to make him break more and more pieces of himself off?
“Yah, come here! There’s a movie on that I want to see. Look, see, it’s American. About gay people. American gays… Like a zoo, you know? There’s so many different kinds… Maybe more like ice cream? Yah, buy me some ice cream.”
Hankyung wonders why he feels like laughing and crying at the same time. Isn’t that called hysteria? A loss of sanity. He’s going insane in this circle.
Do you know? He’s been counting the days, every day since Heechul kissed him, grinned, and said oh-so-sweetly It’s been fun, have fun in China and left him broken in half, scared and stunned as he climbed into the car that drove them to the airport.
He counts all the different reasons too, why Heechul had ended things so viciously. Had he been too clingy? He’s tried his best to not be some bimbo on Heechul’s arm, knowing how much he hated it. Had he been boring? He’d tried his hardest to always have something new to say, some new idea to try out. Had he just simply loved too much? That could be it… When Hankyung loved, he loved. Maybe all the quiet whisperings in the middle of the night had been nothing to Heechul but a game.
“Hyung…” Siwon’s voice makes Hankyung turn to him, and when he sees the knowing look in his dark eyes, he sighs and bows his head. He stands up from the table, goes to stand by Siwon’s side. Siwon looks up at him from his chair, quiet and patient like he always is, and he reaches up to hold Hankyung’s hand, and that simple gesture, at the moment, was enough to throw Hankyung overboard.
He stood there and he cried, shoulders shaking, and Siwon stood up with that easy grace he has and wrapped warm arms around him, and all Hankyung wanted was for the chance to hug Heechul again.