FIFTY SEVEN [VOICE POST; JAPANESE]
.. Why do I even care..? Why do I keep..
H-haha.. this is so dumb. I can't .. help but get involved, but what good does it do...
I don't understand how people... can.. support someone.. like him.
[ as his voice becomes more strained, there are some muffled sounds, as if Keigo is shifting the communicator away from himself ]
Renji... [ hff ] Why ( Read more... )
H-haha.. this is so dumb. I can't .. help but get involved, but what good does it do...
I don't understand how people... can.. support someone.. like him.
[ as his voice becomes more strained, there are some muffled sounds, as if Keigo is shifting the communicator away from himself ]
Renji... [ hff ] Why ( Read more... )
Who'd you talk to?
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.... [ he shifts as Ichigo sits down, a bit surprised by his tone of voice. he doesn't move, however, and slips his hand down a little to wipe at the remainder of some tears on his face ] No, I haven't. [ he replied, sounding a bit flat, but not angry ]
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... Hn. [if he notices Keigo's actions, he doesn't say anything] Any idea when he'll be back?
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... [ he takes a moment to contemplate a reply, and then breathes deeply ] .. Mmn.. I dunno... I can take a message, though.
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.... [Ichigo shrugs his shoulders a little, even though Keigo can't see it, and sighs] Guess that'll have to do.
[he pauses, for a long while, and his tone gets serious] I'm sorry. [another pause, quicker this time, his eyes focused across the room] I'm sorry and you were right.
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... Mmn.. [ he brushes at his face, rubbing at it absently ]
[ the continued silence made Keigo nearly come out from under the pillow, but as Ichigo finally spoke again, he remained where he was ]
........ [ but, he didn't entirely understand or expect what Ichigo had said then. his body stiffened and he soon found himself fighting back more tears ]
...Why? What do you have to be sorry for?
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.... [he grinned humorlessly at the wall, the whole thing a little absurd] Not having your back. Ever. [and being a shitty boyfriend, but the two went hand in hand] For not listening to you.
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... You're always there for me. You comfort me.. you're always there. That's more than I could ever ask for. [ he pauses, trying to keep himself contained ] ... You're allowed to have your own opinions.. your own feelings. Just because I feel a certain way doesn't mean you have to, too.
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I'm not saying that. [he sighs, reaching up to run a hand through his own hair in mild frustration] I'm saying you shouldn't feel like it's you against the world. You should know I'm going to support you no matter what- even if I don't agree with you.
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... But... still. [ his hands start to wrench at his pants ] You... you don't have to support me if it's something you don't agree with. I wouldn't ask that of you. I can't ask that of you. [ he might have been able to, at some point, but Keigo was still feeling guilty from the last time they had a discussion like this, about Walter. the thought of it was something that didn't sit well with Keigo at all and returning to a similar topic made him nervous ]
You love me. That's good enough for me.
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I want to, though. [he sighed heavily, his eyes sliding closed for now] You don't have to ask, I want to give it. [his fingers move to curl around the edge of the bed, gripping a little] I'm so tired of.. you being hurt, and not being able to do anything about it.
[he pauses] ... It's not enough for me. I want to do more.
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... That's.. I.. [ he shook his head ] You don't have to.. That would be hard for you, wouldn't it? I don't expect you to support me about how I feel about Walter anymore.. so... I don't want to make things difficult for you for my sake.
[ he flinches at the next part, smiling bitterly at himself ] The reason I hurt so much is because I let things get to me too easily. I'm too emotional. It's my fault and I have to fix it. It has nothing to do with you not helping me enough. I have to learn to.. not be so reactive.
[ Keigo rubbed at his face, laughing humorlessly ] Stop blaming yourself for things I'm doing to myself.
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... [he finally does shift on the bed to look at Keigo though after hearing his words, his brows drawn together and still frowning as usual] Do you really believe that? That something's wrong with you because you're upset about things like this?
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[ Keigo looks up at Ichigo then and catches his gaze, his face still flushed and his eyes still puffy from crying. He frowns at Ichigo's words and looks down at his lap again ] ... I ... .. I think so. No one else.. no one else seems to be like this.. they tell me to keep positive and to not worry about it, but I do anyway. It can't be normal. [ that bitter smile comes back ] It's not good to have no emotions, but I think I have too many.
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[Ichigo sighs, shifting on the bed to turn and fully face Keigo now] People tell you to keep positive and not worry because they want you to be happy. None of them like seeing you sad. [he frowns, eyes shifting to the bed for a moment] I don't know about them, but I'm a lot stronger when you're happy. But..
[he looks back up now, even if Keigo isn't looking at him] Just because everyone seems to be ok on the outside doesn't mean that they're not just as upset as you are. You're just being more honest than most of us.
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[ he shifts on the bed as well, straightening his legs out. He looks back down at his lap as Ichigo speaks, frowning ] ..... I know.. I don't like being sad, either. It's not like me. [ he sighs ] That's another thing, I guess. It's not like me to be depressed.. so.. mmn.. I dunno.. Hahaha...
[ Ichigo's words make Keigo frown a little more and he closes his eyes ] But.. they're stronger. That's why they don't show emotions like this. In the end, I'm just a big baby who cries over every little thing.
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