Forbidden Love - Chapter 10
Title: Forbidden Love
Author: Annie
Pairing(s)/Character(s): Jensen/Jared/others
Rating: NC17 (see warning)
Summary: Jensen Ackles is a successful businessman. Nothing or nobody can stand in his way. His life is thrown off balance when he meets trainee Priest Father Jared Padalecki and he realises that nothing in this life goes quite as planned.
WARNING- This chapter contains a Suicide attempt
Disclaimer: I don’t own anything or anyone. This is pure fiction and no reflection on the real people - whom I love too much to hurt!
Author’s Note
This has been bugging me for a while now, so here it is. It will have themes that might offend some people - so feel free to ignore it if it will. There will be sexual relations between man and priest in this, but it will be con and it will be tasteful. I also apologise for cold, cruel Jensen - he does get better.
Awesome banner by alena2b
Previous chapter
Jared sits on the edge of the bed, his head in his hands. Jensen can see, by his very demeanour, that he is crying. His shoulders shake and his breathing is hitched and irregular. Jensen feels irrational anger at everything and everybody and he moves so that he is sitting beside Jared, putting a hand on his knee, trying to comfort, to reassure.
“She won’t tell anyone.” He rubs Jared’s knee, feeling it tremble under his fingers. “Jared, it will be alright.”
“I have broken every vow I ever made.” Jared looks up at him, eyes red-rimmed and smeared with tears, his face is pale and Jensen wants to kill Alona for what she has done, even though, in his heart, he knows that she is the innocent party.
***
Jared can smell the coffee Jensen is making and the scent makes him want to vomit. His whole body aches and he can still feel Jensen inside him, still taste Jensen on his tongue.
He bites his lip so hard it draws blood; he wanted this, he wanted this more than he wanted anything in his whole life. More than his parent’s respect. More than the love of God.
He knows that he had to sin to get it; knows that he can no longer be a priest, no longer serve the community, no longer help anyone. He is doomed now and he doesn’t know what he is going to do about it.
Jensen is sitting at the kitchen table and, not for the first time, Jared is over-awed by the sheer magnetism of the man, the sheer animal attraction he feels towards him. He has never known such a feeling and it takes his breath away. He wants to touch Jensen but he holds back, body rigid, hands thrust into his jeans pocket.
“Jared…,” Jensen begins, voice soft and gentle, hands reaching out. Jared shakes his head, feeling it wobble, frantically, feels his heart beat ratchet up a few revolutions, the pounding shaking his whole body with panic and pain.
“No. Don’t,” he begins and hot tears sting his eyes as he pushes Jensen away. “I can’t do this. I can’t.”
“Jared…,” Jensen says again, foolishly hurt by Jared’s rejection. He doesn’t want the young priest to go, he doesn’t want to feel that pain again and he wishes he could will Jared into staying.
“I have to go.” He knows he isn’t sounding rational, but he feels claustrophobic, trapped. “I have to go.”
“Where? Where will you go? You can’t go back to Winnipeg. Jared, you can’t go.”
Jared shakes his head, he gives Jensen one last push and then he is running; down the steps, across the lawn and into the street, long legs carrying him who knows where, his body trying, desperately, to escape his mind.
***
The hotel room looks the same as any hotel room in any state, in any country. Jared sits on a chair by the window, watching the sunset.
It is beautiful here, the sky is blue and the air is warm and balmy. Jared doesn’t miss the cold and the snow; he doesn’t miss the cold or the biting wind. He sighs and stares out of the window.
God, he muses, is everywhere.
He doesn’t feel rational; his mind is fluttering like a butterfly on a flower, restless and jittery. He has two carrier bags, sitting at his feet, the purchase so easy, no one questioned him; no one said one word to him when he strode into the supermarket, trembling and tear-stained, and bought two bottles of Vodka and several boxes of pills.
He remembers his momma, remembers how proud she was of him. He can see her eyes glowing as he took his vows. He wonders what she would think of him now, what she would say.
He pulls the Vodka out of the bag and takes a long swallow. His head spins even more and the sunset turns red and bloody. Jared smiles, popping open a box and counting the pills into his palm.
Suicide was a mortal sin, but he had sinned so much already, one more would make no difference at the final tally.
The last face he sees as he closes his eyes is Jensen’s and he raises the bottle to that wavering image, a giggle caught in his throat.
He hopes that his brother will be waiting for him on the other side and that his parents won’t grieve too much.
Then his head spins out of control and his vision darkens and he is thrown into the gaping pit of hell, laughing all the way.
***
Jensen reads it in the paper.
Popular Priest Found in Suicide Attempt, it reads and Jensen can barely breathe as he turns the pages.
He had been searching for Jared for days and now he had found him.
The report says that Jared was discovered, naked, in a hotel bedroom, empty Vodka bottles and pill boxes scattered all over the bed. There was no note, no indication that Jared had intended to kill himself, but the evidence pointed to the obvious and Jensen knew just whose fault this all was.
They didn’t want to let him into the hospital; next of kin only they explained, busy and bustling, no time for other people’s tragedies.
“Are you Jensen?” A tall, elegant woman caught his arm. “Jensen Ackles?”
“Yes, that’s me,” he stared at her. She was well dressed and handsome, her gray hair caught back in a loose bun, she wore a navy dress and a silver cross swung around her long, white throat. Her face was red with tears and, when he looked in her eyes, warm and hazel, Jensen suddenly had no doubt, who she was.
“Mrs Padalecki?” He hadn’t imagined Jared’s mom to look like this. He had imagined some church going, apron-wearing woman, more at home in the kitchen than anywhere else. He had imagined that she would be a religious maniac, maybe a bible basher.
“Yes.” She reached forward and clasped his hand. “Jared has told us so much about you.”
Jensen felt his cheeks flush and he swallowed hard. Jared’s mom kept her hands in his and continued talking.
“He told us how good you were when he was here, how you helped out in the soup kitchens. He told us about your generosity, your kindness.” She bit her lip and squeezed his hand. “He really is very fond of you.”
“Can I…?” His voice was shaky, tears stinging his eyes. “Can I see him?”
“Of course.” She ran her hands down her skirt. “They say... they say that he won’t last the night. They have tried but h-he... why would he do it?” She was crying now, open and distressed. “Why would he do such a thing?”
Jensen shook his head, his own tears spilling unbidden down his cheeks. He followed Jared’s mother into the small, private room and moved over to the dimly lit bed.
Jared was still; his face as white as the sheets on which he lay. His hair was greasy, hanging about his cheeks, there were tubes in his hands, his arm, his nose and the only sound in the room was the hiss of the machine keeping him alive.
“Oh God.” He went down on one knee and took Jared’s limp hand in his own. “Please. No, please.”
Jared’s mother put a hand on his shoulder and squeezed hard.
“I know it is my fault. I wanted this so much for my boys, I didn’t stop to think what they wanted themselves. He was so good at basketball, he could have played for state and, yet, he gave it all up, so that we could have this.” She turned to Jensen, her eyes soft with sympathy. “I blame myself.”
“Not me?” He was sure, now, that she knew. “You don’t blame me?”
“Never you.” She shook her head. “He loves you.” She reached out and took Jared’s other hand. “If only he had had the courage to say something. If only.”
Jensen stood up, unable to bear it a moment longer.
He strode down the corridors, not stopping until he found himself in the tiny hospital chapel, throwing himself down on his knees at the altar there, his head in his hands.
“I’m sorry,” he said, hoping that someone, anyone was listening. “I’m sorry I took him away from you but please forgive me. Don’t take him away from me. I need him. I need him more than you ever did.” He dropped his forehead onto his knuckles and let the tears flow. “Please,” he begged, “bring him back to me.”
Next chapter
Author: Annie
Pairing(s)/Character(s): Jensen/Jared/others
Rating: NC17 (see warning)
Summary: Jensen Ackles is a successful businessman. Nothing or nobody can stand in his way. His life is thrown off balance when he meets trainee Priest Father Jared Padalecki and he realises that nothing in this life goes quite as planned.
WARNING- This chapter contains a Suicide attempt
Disclaimer: I don’t own anything or anyone. This is pure fiction and no reflection on the real people - whom I love too much to hurt!
Author’s Note
This has been bugging me for a while now, so here it is. It will have themes that might offend some people - so feel free to ignore it if it will. There will be sexual relations between man and priest in this, but it will be con and it will be tasteful. I also apologise for cold, cruel Jensen - he does get better.
Awesome banner by alena2b
Previous chapter
Jared sits on the edge of the bed, his head in his hands. Jensen can see, by his very demeanour, that he is crying. His shoulders shake and his breathing is hitched and irregular. Jensen feels irrational anger at everything and everybody and he moves so that he is sitting beside Jared, putting a hand on his knee, trying to comfort, to reassure.
“She won’t tell anyone.” He rubs Jared’s knee, feeling it tremble under his fingers. “Jared, it will be alright.”
“I have broken every vow I ever made.” Jared looks up at him, eyes red-rimmed and smeared with tears, his face is pale and Jensen wants to kill Alona for what she has done, even though, in his heart, he knows that she is the innocent party.
***
Jared can smell the coffee Jensen is making and the scent makes him want to vomit. His whole body aches and he can still feel Jensen inside him, still taste Jensen on his tongue.
He bites his lip so hard it draws blood; he wanted this, he wanted this more than he wanted anything in his whole life. More than his parent’s respect. More than the love of God.
He knows that he had to sin to get it; knows that he can no longer be a priest, no longer serve the community, no longer help anyone. He is doomed now and he doesn’t know what he is going to do about it.
Jensen is sitting at the kitchen table and, not for the first time, Jared is over-awed by the sheer magnetism of the man, the sheer animal attraction he feels towards him. He has never known such a feeling and it takes his breath away. He wants to touch Jensen but he holds back, body rigid, hands thrust into his jeans pocket.
“Jared…,” Jensen begins, voice soft and gentle, hands reaching out. Jared shakes his head, feeling it wobble, frantically, feels his heart beat ratchet up a few revolutions, the pounding shaking his whole body with panic and pain.
“No. Don’t,” he begins and hot tears sting his eyes as he pushes Jensen away. “I can’t do this. I can’t.”
“Jared…,” Jensen says again, foolishly hurt by Jared’s rejection. He doesn’t want the young priest to go, he doesn’t want to feel that pain again and he wishes he could will Jared into staying.
“I have to go.” He knows he isn’t sounding rational, but he feels claustrophobic, trapped. “I have to go.”
“Where? Where will you go? You can’t go back to Winnipeg. Jared, you can’t go.”
Jared shakes his head, he gives Jensen one last push and then he is running; down the steps, across the lawn and into the street, long legs carrying him who knows where, his body trying, desperately, to escape his mind.
***
The hotel room looks the same as any hotel room in any state, in any country. Jared sits on a chair by the window, watching the sunset.
It is beautiful here, the sky is blue and the air is warm and balmy. Jared doesn’t miss the cold and the snow; he doesn’t miss the cold or the biting wind. He sighs and stares out of the window.
God, he muses, is everywhere.
He doesn’t feel rational; his mind is fluttering like a butterfly on a flower, restless and jittery. He has two carrier bags, sitting at his feet, the purchase so easy, no one questioned him; no one said one word to him when he strode into the supermarket, trembling and tear-stained, and bought two bottles of Vodka and several boxes of pills.
He remembers his momma, remembers how proud she was of him. He can see her eyes glowing as he took his vows. He wonders what she would think of him now, what she would say.
He pulls the Vodka out of the bag and takes a long swallow. His head spins even more and the sunset turns red and bloody. Jared smiles, popping open a box and counting the pills into his palm.
Suicide was a mortal sin, but he had sinned so much already, one more would make no difference at the final tally.
The last face he sees as he closes his eyes is Jensen’s and he raises the bottle to that wavering image, a giggle caught in his throat.
He hopes that his brother will be waiting for him on the other side and that his parents won’t grieve too much.
Then his head spins out of control and his vision darkens and he is thrown into the gaping pit of hell, laughing all the way.
***
Jensen reads it in the paper.
Popular Priest Found in Suicide Attempt, it reads and Jensen can barely breathe as he turns the pages.
He had been searching for Jared for days and now he had found him.
The report says that Jared was discovered, naked, in a hotel bedroom, empty Vodka bottles and pill boxes scattered all over the bed. There was no note, no indication that Jared had intended to kill himself, but the evidence pointed to the obvious and Jensen knew just whose fault this all was.
They didn’t want to let him into the hospital; next of kin only they explained, busy and bustling, no time for other people’s tragedies.
“Are you Jensen?” A tall, elegant woman caught his arm. “Jensen Ackles?”
“Yes, that’s me,” he stared at her. She was well dressed and handsome, her gray hair caught back in a loose bun, she wore a navy dress and a silver cross swung around her long, white throat. Her face was red with tears and, when he looked in her eyes, warm and hazel, Jensen suddenly had no doubt, who she was.
“Mrs Padalecki?” He hadn’t imagined Jared’s mom to look like this. He had imagined some church going, apron-wearing woman, more at home in the kitchen than anywhere else. He had imagined that she would be a religious maniac, maybe a bible basher.
“Yes.” She reached forward and clasped his hand. “Jared has told us so much about you.”
Jensen felt his cheeks flush and he swallowed hard. Jared’s mom kept her hands in his and continued talking.
“He told us how good you were when he was here, how you helped out in the soup kitchens. He told us about your generosity, your kindness.” She bit her lip and squeezed his hand. “He really is very fond of you.”
“Can I…?” His voice was shaky, tears stinging his eyes. “Can I see him?”
“Of course.” She ran her hands down her skirt. “They say... they say that he won’t last the night. They have tried but h-he... why would he do it?” She was crying now, open and distressed. “Why would he do such a thing?”
Jensen shook his head, his own tears spilling unbidden down his cheeks. He followed Jared’s mother into the small, private room and moved over to the dimly lit bed.
Jared was still; his face as white as the sheets on which he lay. His hair was greasy, hanging about his cheeks, there were tubes in his hands, his arm, his nose and the only sound in the room was the hiss of the machine keeping him alive.
“Oh God.” He went down on one knee and took Jared’s limp hand in his own. “Please. No, please.”
Jared’s mother put a hand on his shoulder and squeezed hard.
“I know it is my fault. I wanted this so much for my boys, I didn’t stop to think what they wanted themselves. He was so good at basketball, he could have played for state and, yet, he gave it all up, so that we could have this.” She turned to Jensen, her eyes soft with sympathy. “I blame myself.”
“Not me?” He was sure, now, that she knew. “You don’t blame me?”
“Never you.” She shook her head. “He loves you.” She reached out and took Jared’s other hand. “If only he had had the courage to say something. If only.”
Jensen stood up, unable to bear it a moment longer.
He strode down the corridors, not stopping until he found himself in the tiny hospital chapel, throwing himself down on his knees at the altar there, his head in his hands.
“I’m sorry,” he said, hoping that someone, anyone was listening. “I’m sorry I took him away from you but please forgive me. Don’t take him away from me. I need him. I need him more than you ever did.” He dropped his forehead onto his knuckles and let the tears flow. “Please,” he begged, “bring him back to me.”
Next chapter